When you lost yourself

SAMHSA’s National Helpline | SAMHSA

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  • SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.

    Also visit the online treatment locator.

SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service), or TTY: 1-800-487-4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.

Also visit the online treatment locator, or send your zip code via text message: 435748 (HELP4U) to find help near you. Read more about the HELP4U text messaging service.

The service is open 24/7, 365 days a year.

English and Spanish are available if you select the option to speak with a national representative. Currently, the 435748 (HELP4U) text messaging service is only available in English.

In 2020, the Helpline received 833,598 calls. This is a 27 percent increase from 2019, when the Helpline received a total of 656,953 calls for the year.

The referral service is free of charge. If you have no insurance or are underinsured, we will refer you to your state office, which is responsible for state-funded treatment programs. In addition, we can often refer you to facilities that charge on a sliding fee scale or accept Medicare or Medicaid. If you have health insurance, you are encouraged to contact your insurer for a list of participating health care providers and facilities.

The service is confidential. We will not ask you for any personal information. We may ask for your zip code or other pertinent geographic information in order to track calls being routed to other offices or to accurately identify the local resources appropriate to your needs.

No, we do not provide counseling. Trained information specialists answer calls, transfer callers to state services or other appropriate intake centers in their states, and connect them with local assistance and support.

  • Suggested Resources

    What Is Substance Abuse Treatment? A Booklet for Families
    Created for family members of people with alcohol abuse or drug abuse problems. Answers questions about substance abuse, its symptoms, different types of treatment, and recovery. Addresses concerns of children of parents with substance use/abuse problems.

    It's Not Your Fault (NACoA) (PDF | 12 KB)
    Assures teens with parents who abuse alcohol or drugs that, "It's not your fault!" and that they are not alone. Encourages teens to seek emotional support from other adults, school counselors, and youth support groups such as Alateen, and provides a resource list.

    After an Attempt: A Guide for Taking Care of Your Family Member After Treatment in the Emergency Department
    Aids family members in coping with the aftermath of a relative's suicide attempt. Describes the emergency department treatment process, lists questions to ask about follow-up treatment, and describes how to reduce risk and ensure safety at home.

    Family Therapy Can Help: For People in Recovery From Mental Illness or Addiction
    Explores the role of family therapy in recovery from mental illness or substance abuse. Explains how family therapy sessions are run and who conducts them, describes a typical session, and provides information on its effectiveness in recovery.

    For additional resources, please visit the SAMHSA Store.

Last Updated: 08/30/2022

SAMHSA Behavioral Health Treatment Services Locator


Welcome to the Behavioral Health Treatment Services Locator, a confidential and anonymous source of information for persons seeking treatment facilities in the United States or U.S. Territories for substance use/addiction and/or mental health problems.

PLEASE NOTE: Your personal information and the search criteria you enter into the Locator is secure and anonymous. SAMHSA does not collect or maintain any information you provide.

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The Locator is authorized by the 21st Century Cures Act (Public Law 114-255, Section 9006; 42 U.S.C. 290bb-36d). SAMHSA endeavors to keep the Locator current. All information in the Locator is updated annually from facility responses to SAMHSA’s National Substance Use and Mental Health Services Survey (N-SUMHSS). New facilities that have completed an abbreviated survey and met all the qualifications are added monthly. Updates to facility names, addresses, telephone numbers, and services are made weekly for facilities informing SAMHSA of changes. Facilities may request additions or changes to their information by sending an e-mail to [email protected], by calling the BHSIS Project Office at 1-833-888-1553 (Mon-Fri 8-6 ET), or by electronic form submission using the Locator online application form (intended for additions of new facilities).

Identity crisis: what to do if you lost yourself


© Victorien Ameline/Unsplash

Author Vasilisa Kirilochkina

February 27, 2019

A personal crisis happens at least once in a lifetime. We seem to be stuck in limbo, where old values ​​and aspirations no longer inspire, and new ones have not yet appeared. Pink figured out how to recognize the impending crisis and make the most of it.

Asking philosophical questions about the meaning of life and one's purpose is normal and even good. But if thinking about such important topics leads to a dead end, spoils your mood, interferes with normal functioning and drives you into a blues, you may be experiencing an identity crisis. For the first time this concept was introduced by the famous American psychologist Eric Erickson. In his writings, he paid special attention to the midlife crisis, but noted that any period of personality reshaping can lead to a loss of self-determination. The good news is that a competent way out of any crisis helps a person grow and develop.

There are a number of signs, by the combination of which an alarming state can be recognized. First of all, it is a painful search for oneself, which is accompanied by negative thoughts and frustration. If for a long time (more than a month) you are trying to rethink your purpose, values ​​and aspirations, but do not get the desired answers, if every day at work you ask yourself “What am I doing here?” or look at your partner and think “Why are we together?”, you should carefully analyze your condition.

The impetus for a crisis can be severe stress and significant changes in life: loss or change of job, separation, loss of a loved one, serious illness, any severely traumatic experience or shock. The causes of the crisis lie not only in the bad. Moving to another continent that you have been dreaming about and planning for five years, or marriage can also become an impulse. If after the wedding you feel empty, this does not necessarily mean that you have chosen the wrong person: you just need to rethink your new status.

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Sometimes a severe crisis and dissatisfaction with oneself can lead to depression - a dangerous condition that should never be started. It is better to consult a doctor, he can pick up a competent therapy. But in many cases, an identity crisis is just a transitional state that needs to be experienced. To make it easier, try special techniques.

© Jasmine Ornelas/Unsplash

An identity crisis is a great opportunity to really get to know yourself, discover something new and become more aware. So that the search for answers to the main questions of life, the universe and everything else is not so painful, try to change the tone of these questions.

For example, stop asking "Why?" and start asking "why?" The first question will force you to dig into the past, and the second will set you up to look for a solution in the future. Make up a questionnaire for yourself with all the important questions and fill it out. Remember, this is not an exam, so there are no wrong answers. Moreover, it is not necessary to answer all the questions at once, and the answers can change at any time. This includes asking yourself, “What cheers me up? What helps you get through a tough day? Write a list of everything that improves your mood, and refer to it as often as possible during a crisis (and indeed throughout your life).

In especially sad moments, a cup of hot chocolate, a walk with a friend, sports or even watching a reality show about repairs can help you: do not deny yourself pleasures and in no case blame yourself for them. Another important question is “What makes my days meaningful?”. What helps you fall asleep with a sense of accomplishment, pride, and joy? Perhaps you are unhappy with your job and are not yet ready to look for an alternative - but you may well enroll in some useful volunteer program or courses to learn new skills. New knowledge, among other things, helps fight depression and increase the flexibility of the mind.

One is not a warrior in the field, even when it comes to internal throwing and searching. Social support really makes it easier to survive stressful situations, difficult emotional states and personality crises. Try to discuss your situation with friends and family - perhaps they too have gone through something similar or are going through right now, so they can share their experience. In any case, you can count on, if not advice, then at least empathy and support. If you feel that friendly empathy is not enough, do not be afraid to contact a psychologist or support groups (especially when it comes to a crisis after an illness or loss). Another great option is to join some kind of sports section: a team game brings people together and gives a lot of positive emotions.

© kevin laminto/Unsplash

Perhaps the most important thing in the story of finding yourself is to look for yourself, and not the image that meets someone's expectations: boyfriend, mother or society as a whole. At 30, you may find that you don't want to be the big boss at all. By refusing to climb the career ladder in a large company, you risk becoming an outsider in the eyes of society. Or let's say you're not ready to be a parent just yet. Buy an apartment. Get into a serious relationship. It can happen the other way around: while everyone around is constantly traveling, getting up for surfing, writing books and sitting on the splits, you just want to come home from work at six in the evening and watch TV shows.

Society can always judge you - when you do something, don't do it, or don't do it the way it's supposed to. But the beauty of society is that it is ephemeral and faceless. But real friends, good colleagues and loyal partners are quite real people. They are more likely to not judge choices that make you happy. Whatever you do, whatever values ​​you adhere to and whatever ideals you strive for, you will always find like-minded people who will support you. So the main thing is to understand yourself. And the rest will follow.

12 signs that you have lost touch with yourself

Have you ever had a painful feeling that something is wrong inside you: you no longer feel yourself, you don’t hear your thoughts, you don’t understand in which direction move?

Almost every one of us has experienced such a state at least once in our lives. At times like these, it’s your responsibility to recognize that something is wrong and take the necessary action, instead of beating yourself up about your feelings.

We've put together the most common signs that you can tell if you've lost touch with yourself and how to fix the problem.

1. The activities you used to enjoy are no longer enjoyable

You love football, TV shows, order pizza on Fridays and easily get up for a run at six in the morning because you get excited at the sight of a half-empty city. If you have lost touch with yourself, all these activities will no longer bring you pleasure. You will be overly obsessed with problems and delve into yourself, which, in principle, contradicts the concept of a happy and measured life.

First of all, try to find out, after which you lost interest in your favorite activities. Perhaps you have a goal that runs counter to your beliefs and interests, on the achievement of which you spend all your energy and time. Give yourself permission to be aggressive and defend your own opinion. Deal with the problem, because if you do nothing, it can only get worse.

2. You don't know what to do in your free time

This symptom is closely related to the previous one. If you are no longer interested in your hobbies and other activities that used to bring joy, you will not suffer from a lack of free time, but from having it in principle.

Give yourself time to recuperate and figure out the correctness of your movement. When the problems are solved, the question of what to do with free time will not remain with you.

6 signs that you are experiencing nervous exhaustion

3. You feel constantly tired fatigue is completely different, rather spiritual, and it occurs in those moments when you live contrary to your principles and goals, that is, you are not yourself. Such periods of time take too much strength from you and do not cause a desire to move forward. So you will literally stagnate in one place until you begin to understand yourself and your needs.

In order to get rid of mental fatigue, you can ask yourself the following questions: “Did I act in accordance with my beliefs or made a decision under pressure?”, “Do I listen to myself?”, “Did I deceive myself and other people ?”, “Is this what I want or those who are dear to me?” Answer these questions as honestly as possible, even if you don't like the answers. From now on, try not to deviate from your beliefs and not let other people control your life.

4. You live for/for someone

The only person you have to live for is yourself. Parents will sooner or later die, your loved one can break off relations with you, children will grow up and create their own families, but you will be left alone with yourself and your thoughts, and it will depend on you whether you lived a good life or not.

When we lose touch with ourselves, our gaze often falls on someone else. We believe that we live for this person, refusing to recognize our own worth. These are the thoughts of a person who does not respect and does not love himself.

Your main task is to change your attitude towards yourself. Understand that you deserve better, make a list of what will bring you happiness (self-realization, salary increase, travel, family, and so on). Every day try to get at least one step closer to your goals.

5. You put the interests of other people above your own

If you notice that in a relationship you strive to please your loved one or your loved ones, putting their interests above your own, this is the first sign that you are losing (or have already lost) connection with oneself. It is even possible that you feel unattractive, emotionally constrained, stupid and weak-willed. This happens when you are confused in yourself and your desires, but you need to act and somehow live on. You begin to listen to the opinions of loved ones, and then gradually accept their point of view and do as you are told.

This is a failed scenario. In order to return everything to normal and again become the one who decides what life will be like tomorrow, you need to acquire a little moderate selfishness. You are the most important person in your life, and it is up to you how happy you will be, so put your needs ahead of the needs of others. Moreover, no one guarantees the same dedication from those whose interests are your priority.

6. You feel good only when you are useful to others

When you lose touch with yourself, you are overcome by a wave of despair - you cannot help yourself and feel weak-willed. Therefore, you are trying to fill these gaps by providing support to relatives and friends. In addition, you are in a kind of search: trying to please someone else, even to the detriment of yourself, you are trying to understand what you really want.

There is only one way out of the situation: admit that you are not all right, and try to pull yourself out of this swamp by the scruff of the neck until you are completely bogged down in it. Be useful to yourself - give yourself time to relax, please yourself with delicious food, your favorite entertainment, have a heart-to-heart talk with a person you trust. If this does not help, seek qualified help. Most importantly, don't delay.

10 simple ways to win the respect of others without stepping back from your principles

7. You have difficulty concentrating

should worry us. When this scenario is repeated day after day, we begin to experience a sense of absent-mindedness, losing direction in the direction of movement.

Usually such a problem occurs in those people whose lives are constantly interfered with by kind relatives or friends who are overly excited about the wrong choice. They impose their opinion, forcing them to concentrate on achieving those goals that are not interesting to a person. In the end, he loses touch with himself and does not understand how to cope with a huge number of planned cases.

In order to solve this problem, try to stick to one rule: you can listen to others, but you don't have to do what they want. Take good care of your time, do not waste it and single out from the whole mass of planned tasks those that are really important to you.

8. You have become irritable

When you don't understand what you want, when you feel constant fatigue and experience stress, you react to all this with the only expected state - irritability. Loss of connection with yourself is the root cause of your behavior and emotional state.

To turn your life around for the better, first take care of yourself and your health. Eat right, drink plenty of water, cut down on caffeine, sugar, and alcohol, and try to maintain a routine so that you can find the strength to deal with your problems and continue to live in harmony with yourself.

9. You are looking for approval and acceptance

If you are confused in yourself and cannot give a clear assessment of your own actions and words, it is not surprising that you begin to seek the approval of the people around you. So you want to make sure you're doing everything right.

But those around you don't necessarily help you find the right direction. Your values ​​and beliefs can be very different, so try to make your own decisions. And above all, be prepared for soul-searching in order to realize who you really are and what you should do next. Ask yourself as many questions about the situation as you can to make sure you are making the right decision.

10. You think standard

When you lose touch with yourself, you have no choice but to make decisions based on other people. But living by the principle “I will do it the way it is customary” is a complete failure, because you deprive yourself of the opportunity to think and evaluate all the pros and cons.

Don't act like others. If you have a big decision to make but you find you can't handle it on your own, better give yourself time to bounce back, reflect on what could go wrong, and ask yourself if you'll be happy. if you do it this way and not otherwise.

11. You go with the flow in your career

In your career, you prefer to go with the flow, doing routine work that does not require a responsible approach and making important decisions. This happens because you cannot prove yourself, you don’t know what you want, you don’t feel curiosity and excitement, you are unable to defend your own interests.

There is only one advice in such a situation: understand your own desires, believe in your own strength and realize your value as an employee.

12. You think too much

This could be a sign that something is not right in your life. When you lose touch with yourself, there may be a lot of thoughts in your head about what you want, how you should act, and so on, but it will be extremely difficult for you to single out one thing from this multitude.

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