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Sibling abuse long term effects


Mental Health Effects of Sibling Abuse I Psych Central

Sibling abuse is known as the ‘hidden’ or ‘forgotten’ abuse, but it’s very real and has lasting effects.

Teasing, mind games, wrestling…sibling rivalry is not only common but to be expected from time to time.

Yet some sibling dynamics do cross a line, and it can be difficult to detect where that line actually is. You may have even grown up believing your experience was typical when it was anything but OK.

It may help you to know what’s considered acceptable in a sibling relationship, and what’s considered abuse. From there, there are many ways to find support and begin the healing process.

Abuse is abuse, no matter who it’s carried out by. Sibling abuse, just like other forms of abuse, can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

It may come down to your biology. Continuous exposure to traumatic events can activate your nervous system and re-wire your brain to be on alert for the next threat, says Leia Charnin, PhD, a licensed psychologist in Charlotte, North Carolina.

“That activated system may get flooded and initiate strategies that promote protection, which may look like: overthinking, feeling frozen and numb, a range of anger to rage, helplessness, and even despair,” she says.

“It’s important to honor that your nervous system is working in a completely natural way as it attempts to process news of yet another threatening event,” Charnin adds.

What about complex trauma?

Though it’s not yet an official diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition, text revision (DSM-5-TR), complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) has many similarities to traditional PTSD, but with a few additional symptoms.

CPTSD can impact:

  • how you feel about yourself
  • how you relate to others
  • how you handle your emotions

Complex trauma can occur from repeated exposure to a traumatic experience over a long period of time, versus a one-off event as you’d see with traditional PTSD.

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There are many ways that you can experience abuse from a sibling.

Sometimes it can feel difficult to discern whether or not what you experienced was a typical developmental stage, or whether it qualifies as abuse, says Geri-Lynn Utter, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in Philadelphia.

“For instance, is it typical for two teenage siblings, ages 12 and 14, to argue with one another and say mean things to one another?” Utter says. “The answer is yes.”

“On the other hand, is it typical for one teenage sibling to consistently hit, slap, or punch their sibling to intimidate or scare them into doing something they do not want to do? The answer is no.”

The three main types of sibling abuse are:

  • emotional abuse: insults, coercive control, manipulation, threats, excessive teasing, shaming, destroying something you love
  • physical abuse: being held down, punching, choking, kicking, slapping, biting, hurting another with toys or weapons
  • sexual abuse: touching, masturbation, intercourse, being forced to watch pornography, threats of what will happen if you tell anyone or don’t go along with it

A 2019 study suggests that sibling sexual abuse is the least reported and treated, but also the most common and long lasting of all types of sibling abuse.

There are several signs that you, or someone you care about, may be experiencing abuse from a sibling, says Utter.

Physical
  • bruises
  • marks from self-harm
  • unexplained injuries
  • weight changes

Emotional
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • low self-esteem
  • suicidal ideation

Behavioral
  • hypersexuality
  • lowered academic performance
  • refusal to be left alone with a sibling
  • running away from home
  • sleep disturbances
  • social isolation
  • substance use

Suicide prevention

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, you’re not alone. Help is available right now. You can:

  • Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 24 hours a day at 800-273-8255.
  • Call a crisis hotline, such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.
  • Text HOME to the Crisis Textline at 741741.
  • Not in the U.S.? Find a helpline in your country with Befrienders Worldwide.

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If you’re experiencing sibling abuse, or have in the past, you may feel isolated by your experience. It may help you to know that there are other survivors out there.

In fact, a 2013 study of over 4,500 children found that 37.6% had experienced sibling abuse. It was most common between two brothers, especially those close in age.

And that number could be too conservative of an estimate. It’s difficult to know how often sibling abuse actually happens, as many times it goes undocumented.

“Sibling abuse is also referred to as ‘forgotten abuse,’ because it is often overlooked,” Utter says.

But remember that you’re not alone and there are ways you can cope.

For something so often dismissed as “natural,” sibling abuse can impact you in ways that are far-reaching and long lasting. “The mental health effects can be devastating if sibling abuse (or any kind of abuse) isn’t addressed,” Utter says.

For example, a 2017 study found that sibling abuse that occurs more than once a year is enough to impact someone’s behavior for a lifetime in several ways. For the survivor, it can lead to:

  • acts of physical violence against others
  • aggressive reactions (called reactive abuse)
  • difficulties managing your temper

It may change how you feel about yourself on the inside, as well. A 2018 study reported that sibling bullying was associated with feeling less competent, lowered self-esteem, and decreased satisfaction with your life overall.

It may also increase your chances for abusive dynamics in the future. For example, a 2019 study discussed how sibling abuse in childhood may be a contributing factor of elder abuse later on in life.

So far, less is known about the mental health effects of sibling sexual abuse, as it’s the least studied topic area. But a 2021 study did note that it could lead to several symptoms.

These include:

  • anxiety
  • depression
  • challenges with sexual function
  • lowered self-esteem

Sibling abuse is understudied as a whole, so researchers still need more data about how, specifically, to treat it. In the meantime, there are many treatment options for PTSD.

“It’s important to remember that what is happening within the home is not your fault,” Charnin says. “Your brain naturally searches for ways to control the environment, but you can’t control abuse, and it’s important to receive help.”

Treatment for PTSD typically includes a combination of approaches. This may include:

  • psychotherapy
  • support groups
  • self-care strategies
  • lifestyle adjustments
  • medication to help with symptoms such as anxiety, depression, or sleep disturbances

There are several evidence-based therapies that can help you navigate trauma-related symptoms, says Charnin. Some specific modalities for trauma recovery may include:

  • eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy
  • prolonged exposure therapy
  • cognitive processing therapy

You may also find it helpful to reach out for support in your inner circle, suggests Utter. “If you don’t feel comfortable telling your parents, reach out to your school counselor, teacher, coach, or an adult you can trust to help you,” she says.

If you’re in immediate danger, leave as soon as possible and call 911 to document your experience. You can also call a trusted loved one outside of the house, or reach out to local domestic violence shelters in your area.

What if it’s happening to someone I know?

If you learn that sibling abuse is occurring, reach out to a mental health professional as soon as possible, says Utter.

“For example, if you’re a parent and learn that one of your children is being abused by another, you can reach out to their pediatrician to help coordinate a referral for the appropriate mental health treatment,” she says.

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Sibling abuse is often forgotten about, as it’s deemed one of the more socially acceptable forms of abuse. Yet it’s common and has long lasting impacts in childhood and beyond.

Not only can it cause PTSD (or CPTSD), but it can lead to a range of other mental health symptoms, such as anxiety, depression, lowered self-esteem, and difficulty in future relationships.

You don’t have to go through this alone. The first stop for any treatment plan is working with a professional, preferably one who specializes in domestic abuse. You may find it helpful to use our search tools to locate a therapist near you.

Some other helpful resources may include:

  • ChildHelp
  • Defend Innocence
  • Protect The Children, Inc.
  • RAINN

Adult Survivors of Sibling Abuse

Adult Survivors of Sibling Abuse

Siblings abuse can have a long-lasting impact on adulthood.

Research indicates that the long-term effects of surviving sibling abuse can include:

  • Depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem
  • Inability to trust; relationship difficulties
  • Alcohol and drug addiction
  • Learned helplessness
  • Eating disorders
  • PTSD- difficulty with focus, wanting to isolate, panic attacks

In America alone, there are over 40 million sibling abuse survivors

Society pays a huge price when sibling abuse is not given attention and goes uncorrected in lives of many adults. The over-learned maladaptive coping skills generated by an abusive sibling can affect adulthood. Because of sibling abuse, victimization occurred again in their childhoods through bullying. Sibling abuse is often directly connected to the formation of the adult personality.

Many adult sibling abuse survivors are unaware that they have experienced the abuse in their childhood and can have denial that the abuse occurred. Repeated patterns of self-abuse, emotional, sexual, or physical abuse, can be frustrating for many adult sibling abuse survivors. Many victims can suffer from mental reactions: panic attacks, sleep problems, difficulty with focus, chronic depression, or anxiety. In adulthood, they can have an unhealthy lifestyle that predisposes them to addictions, difficulty in work situations, unstable finances, negative relationships, substance abuse, overspending, disorganization, or overworking. Difficulties in relationships and lack of trust can be a lifetime issue. Vast numbers of survivors treat themselves with disdain, extreme perfectionism, inappropriate feelings of guilt, and distorted sense of responsibility for the abuse. Depression, loneliness, and rejection from their family of origin are common. The ripple effects of sibling abuse can affect the adult in regard to parenting and dysfunction in their children’s lives. Parenting patterns/bonding can be maladaptive.

Until recently, very little educational training attention has been about the issues related to adult sibling survivors. To implement human service work with survivors of sibling abuse, this course will provide participants with unique, valuable, and hopeful educational information.

Course Objectives

  • To acquire core research pertaining to adult survivors of sibling abuse.
  • To share an overview of sibling abuse and developmental issues associated with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in childhood, as well as adulthood.
  • To share drug/ alcohol usage and coping patterns of adult sibling abuse survivors.
  • To share helpful information about family dynamics and the hesitancy to divulge past abuse history.
  • To inform about family shunning and rejection issues related to adult survivors of sibling abuse.
  • To share treatment strategies & self care options for recovery.
  • To give students valuable input for reduction of sibling abuse in family settings & information for awareness, recovery, and human service/legal changes.

Educational Format

This well organized workshop fills the information gap that currently exists about adults with sibling abuse. It has been researched to be an informative and an interesting educational tool for targeted participants. It draws upon the latest research in the field of traumatology and builds on a “general” framework of psychology. This framework can be augmented for professional audience concentrations of social workers, chaplains, ministers and counselors.

Participants will acquire “proactive” knowledge through lecture, power point presentation, helpful videos, and overhead transparencies. These learning components will provide an effective and interesting format. Additionally, focus will be placed on active and “interactive” learning approaches that can be applied through sessions that will be structured with large group activities and small group breakouts. This process will enable participants to individualize and receive information within the learning session.

Within the training, participants receive beneficial, “user-friendly” handouts and workbooks. Written information is designed for future reference and can be incorporated on bulletin boards and newsletters. It can also be utilized for future worksite, workshop, or conference trainings.

Topic Format

Topic 1 Overview of adult sibling survivors- Offers a personalization and general account of research in regards to adult survivors of sibling abuse.

Topic 2 Overview of sibling relationships and abuse of power-Offers statistics and research pertaining to childhood sibling dynamics and power issues. Defines sibling abuse and types of violence toward a younger child.

Topic 3 Overview of central nervous system as it relates to sibling abuse-This section offers a general account of PTSD pertaining to adult survivors of sibling abuse. Additionally, it examines the psychosocial, neurophysiological research on damage from trauma. It gives a definition of PTSD, detailed listing of symptomology, stages of PTSD/ Integration, and various types of PTSD. Focus is on Comorbid & Complex PTSD (relating to childhood abuse).

Topic 4 Overview of psychosocial coping patterns of adult sibling survivors with impairment and arrested development-This section offers an overview of lifestyle patterns, parenting, work, and addiction issues.

Topic 5 Overview of family dynamics-This section helps participants to understand interaction patterns with family system. It relates information about shunning and isolation issues regarding the adult sibling abuse survivor.

Topic 6 Overview of Treatment Strategies – Offers an examination of current treatment strategies and various coping tactics. Offers a general account of trauma therapies with inclusion of researched-based results pertaining to Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR).

Topic 7 Overview of hopeful implementation of societal change- Offers information to help reduce sibling abuse in adult survivor’s family settings and societal policies for awareness and recovery.

What is sibling abuse and how to deal with it - Psychology

Video: About unhealthy relationships with siblings [Psych3go in English]

Contents

  • People forget that bullying can happen anywhere
  • How to deal with sibling abuse
  • What is sibling abuse Firstly?
  • Here is a short list
  • Consequences of sibling abuse

There is a lot of outcry against cyberbullying and other forms of violence against children at home and at school. Bullies are demonized as weak, cowardly, and despicable characters who hide their insecurities by preying on the good kids at school.

People forget that bullying can happen anywhere

It happens to adults at work and at home. It's the same with kids at school. There are also cases of children being victimized in their own homes.

There are always some propaganda claims that it is difficult for children to have abusive parents, but the truth is that sibling abuse is more common than domestic and parental abuse combined. If that didn't help, let's rephrase it in a different way. More children are abused by their siblings than any other type of domestic violence.


Dealing with sibling abuse

Like all forms of abuse and intimidation, it is about power and control. The modern family promotes equality among children, as opposed to the traditional structure based on birth order and/or gender. In a scenario where everyone is equal, power-hungry people see this as an opportunity.

What is sibling abuse in the first place?

This is a form of physical, emotional, verbal or sexual abuse between siblings. It includes blood siblings and blended families. This is a show of power to establish a structure of control between siblings, and there are times when things go too far. The question is, why would responsible parents allow one child to bully another?

Like all forms of bullying, from child sexual abuse, criminal extortion to countries stealing another country's resources, this happens when the stronger powers aren't watching. Children are not bullied in front of teachers. No one is raped in plain sight. It's the same with the abuse of brothers and sisters.

The first step in solving any problem is to acknowledge that it exists. There are clear and subtle signs of sibling abuse. Parents should pay attention to recognize abuse from siblings.

Related reading: What is verbal abuse: how to recognize and avoid verbal beating

Here is a short list

  1. Unexplained injuries
  2. Avoidance of people in the family
  3. Antisocial behavior
  4. Fake illness
  5. at least four of these behaviors, he falls prey to bullying, however, this does not mean that it comes from their brothers and sisters. The same symptoms occur when they are bullied at school.

    The last thing to consider is what they lose. Children who are bullied lose money, toys and other personal items. There are things, like their favorite blanket, that are impossible to lose at school. If they lose things like a toothbrush, blanket, or favorite toy. They are pursued by brothers and sisters.

    Talking directly to one or all of them will not bring any results, especially if you do not have evidence. This will only lead to trauma for the child being bullied. The bully will assume that someone has opened his mouth and will protect himself by establishing more control through violence.

    In an ideal world, it would be best to tell them stories about brotherhood, sisterhood, and how brothers and sisters should work together, because when they go out into the world, they only have each other. In the said ideal world, they would take the lesson to heart and act like real brothers and sisters for life.

    Power actually corrupts, and once a dominant brother gets a taste of it, they won't let it go so easily.

    Even if you can find the offender and use parental authority to punish him, they will only take revenge later. The best and only way to protect a child is to let them borrow power until they learn to wield it.

    Here's a way to do it: tie their destinies together, using their relationship as brothers and sisters as an excuse, making the stronger brother responsible for any misfortune the bullying brother or sister suffers.

    If their grades in school are lower or they are struck by lightning, strong "responsible" brothers and sisters will suffer losses. Let them know that it is their job as older siblings to instruct their weaker siblings on how to succeed in the world. They will protest that this is unfair and the like, telling them that many things in the world are unfair, such as parents paying for everything their children consume and bullying.

    Related reading: Effective ways to deal with the effects of physical attack

    Consequences of sibling abuse

    Sibling abuse is no different from any other form of abuse and intimidation. Depending on the severity and type of abuse, it can be verbal, physical, emotional or sexual.

    The injury is the same as that of the other offender. There are virtually no specific laws on sibling abuse because it is a largely ignored form of abuse. However, most lawyers would agree that existing laws governing abuse could apply to him.

    Sibling abuse, like other types of abuse, has an emotional and psychological impact on the victim. But unlike other forms of bullying, it continues. Classmates, colleagues and even spouses are temporary, brothers and sisters are forever.

    Emotional abuse by siblings lasts longer because they know in their head that they can never completely cut off ties with their siblings.

    Emotional abuse by adult siblings is not limited to the long-term effects of childhood trauma. It can also be permanent control through Pavlovian conditioning. The mere presence or mention of a dominant sibling is enough to evoke an emotional and repressive response.

    Brothers and sisters are exposed to each other longer than other potential bullies. Like their parents, they usually live in the same household, but they are also expected to live the same life as a victim born in the same generation.

    It follows that the victim may never recover if there is constant contact with the people responsible for the abuse of siblings. If the parents were unable to solve the problem before adulthood, the best solution would be to separate the children as soon as possible in order to have at least some hope of recovery.

    Counseling and other conventional methods may be required to help the victim cope with psychological trauma. Unfortunately, most of the incidents happened during the most important years of cognitive development. For this reason, and the fact that it is largely ignored, makes sibling abuse one of the most dangerous forms of abuse.

    Related reading: Various forms of abuse

    Child abuse - Evidence-based medicine for all

    Child maltreatment is a serious, common and multifaceted problem that goes far beyond the obvious bruises and fractures. Usually only physical abuse is noticeable, but child abuse has many other forms, such as emotional neglect and neglect, which are not so noticeable to others, but leave no less deep “scars” on the little person.

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    Ignoring the child's needs, leaving the child in a dangerous situation with a high risk of injury or death, humiliating the child and persuading the child to be a useless burden are some examples of abuse. All of them have one thing in common: they inflict deep emotional trauma on the child.

    Not only a pediatrician, but also any responsible adult can help in solving this problem . However, for this it is necessary to know not only the types of abuse and their symptoms, but also the correct algorithms of actions.

    Myths and facts about child abuse

    Myth #1: Child abuse is only when a parent beats a child.

    Fact: Physical abuse is just one form of child abuse . Neglect and emotional abuse can be just as devastating to a child, and their lesser visibility greatly reduces the chance of third parties intervening and identifying the problem.

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    Myth #2: Only bad people abuse their children.

    Fact: Despite the apparent obviousness of such an opinion, the world is still not divided into "black" and "white". Not all of these parents harm their children intentionally. Many of them themselves were victims of violence in childhood, and simply copy this behavior pattern on their children. Others suffer from mental illness or drug addiction.

    Myth #3: Child abuse never happens in “good” families.

    Fact: Child abuse doesn't just happen in poor families or bad neighborhoods. This problem transcends racial, economic or cultural boundaries. There are some families that seem exemplary to everyone, but very unsightly things are hidden behind the doors of their houses.

    Myth #4: Most children suffer at the hands of strangers.

    Fact: Violence by strangers happens, but in most cases the aggressor is a family member or closest family friend.

    Myth #5: Abused children always grow up to be cruel people.

    Fact: Yes, these children are at risk, and often unconsciously reproduce the pattern of abuse on their own children. On the other hand, many abused adults have a very strong motivation to protect their own children from what they themselves have gone through, and therefore become excellent parents.

    Consequences of child abuse

    All forms of child abuse leave deep scars. Some of these scars may be physical, but the emotional traumas are just as important, they have long-term consequences, affect the rest of their lives, damage the mental health of the child, distort self-awareness, suppress the ability to have healthy relationships with other people, the ability to function normally at home, at school. or at work.

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    Some consequences of child abuse:

    • Lack of trust in others, difficulties in building relationships with others. If you can't trust your own parents, who can you trust anyway? Parental abuse shakes the very foundation of future interpersonal relationships. If there is no basis of parental love, trust, respect, then it is extremely difficult to learn to trust other people, or even to understand which of them is trustworthy. This can lead to fear of relationships or attachments, for fear of being subjected to strict control or violence. It can also lead to unhealthy relationships, simply due to a lack of experience with normal interpersonal relationships.
    • Fundamental feelings are devalued or distorted. If a child has not been told over and over again in childhood that he is smart, that he is handsome, dexterous, strong, loved and can do everything in the world - later it is extremely difficult for him to believe in this. Such a person is prone to extremely low self-esteem, he does not strive to get a good education, he accepts a low-paying job because he does not believe that something more can or is worth something. Especially deep psychological trauma in children who have suffered sexual abuse: the yoke of shame, self-doubt and distrust of others - haunts such people until old age.
    • Problems expressing emotions . Chronically abused children were unable to safely express their emotions. As a result, emotions were distorted in the most ridiculous way. As adults, these people experience bouts of unexplained anxiety, depression, or anger. To suppress these painful feelings, they often resort to alcohol or drugs.

    Types of child abuse

    There are several types of child abuse , but the main element that unites them is the negative emotional impact on the child. Children need predictability, structure, clear boundaries; they need to be sure that their safety is extremely important to parents. However, in dysfunctional families, children can never predict the actions of their parents. The world of these children is unpredictable, it is a scary place without rules. What will happen now: will they give him a slap in the face, shout sternly, ignore him? Will dinner be on the table tonight? This uncertainty destroys the child's sense of security, and in return gives a feeling of uncertainty and loneliness.

    Emotional abuse of a child

    Sticks and stones can break bones, but words can hurt just as much. Emotional abuse can seriously damage a child's mental health, interfere with their social development, and the consequences of such psychological trauma can poison that person's life well into old age. Examples of emotional abuse of children include:

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    • Constant humiliation, censure and reproaches towards the child.
    • Constant negative comparison with other children.
    • Convincing the child that there is nothing good in him, that he is "not worth anything", that he is "bad", that he is a "burden" or "mistake" of his parents.
    • Frequent yelling, threats or intimidation of the child.
    • Ignoring a child for the sake of punishment, or out of a feeling of disgust in him.
    • Restriction of physical contact with the child: depriving him of hugs, kisses, or other manifestations of parental love.
    • Violence in the presence of a child against a spouse, brothers or sisters, pets.

    Failure to fulfill basic parental responsibilities

    Child neglect is an extremely common type of child abuse. It consists in the failure of parents to perform the most basic functions, such as adequate food for the child, clothing, hygiene products, or parental care. Child neglect is not always obvious. Sometimes a parent may suddenly lose the ability to care for a child due to severe trauma, depression or anxiety. But most often neglect and leaving the child in danger is associated with the abuse of alcohol or drugs.

    Older children may not show signs of neglect to strangers, they sometimes take on the role of caring for their parents. But their own physical and emotional needs remain unmet.

    Physical abuse of a child

    Physical abuse is the infliction of bodily harm or injury to a child. This may be the result of a deliberate attempt to harm the child, or it may be the involuntary consequence of unbridled anger. It may also be the result of severe discipline; methods such as spanking or other corporal punishment that is inappropriate because of the child's age or physical condition.

    Many parents and caregivers who physically abuse children insist that their actions are only a form of discipline, that they are raising a child in this way. However, there is a clear line between the use of physical punishment for the sake of discipline and physical abuse of a child: raising a child, teaching him to distinguish good from evil, should not be accompanied by chronic fear.

    Differences between physical abuse and strict discipline

    Physical violence, unlike physical punishment, contains the following elements:

    Unpredictability . The child never knows what will provoke physical punishment and the anger of the parent. There are no clear boundaries or rules in the family. The child is forced to constantly be in fear, because he is not sure that his next action will not provoke the parent to beating.

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    Dependence on the degree of anger. The severity of physical punishment depends on the degree of anger and is motivated by the desire to assert control, and does not at all correlate with the degree of misconduct, is not caused by the motivation of love and education of the child.

    Using fear as a regulator of behavior . Parents who use physical violence believe that their children should be afraid of them. They deliberately keep the child in fear so that he "does not come loose", and often use beatings for this. However, in reality, they teach the child only how to avoid hits and beatings, and not at all how to behave correctly, or in which direction their personality should develop.

    Child sexual abuse: a hidden form of abuse

    Child sexual abuse is the most difficult form of abuse, because it is hidden under a thick layer of mystery, guilt and shame. It is important to understand that sexual abuse does not always involve genital contact. Having sex in front of a child, showing him sexual material, looking at a child's genitals without physical contact, or filming child erotica or pornography are also forms of sexual abuse.

    When newspapers or TV talk about a sex maniac, a pedophile who kidnapped and raped children, we feel justified anger and hatred. But you must understand that this is not usually how sexual abuse happens. More often than not, the danger comes from a close relative or family friend, someone the child knows well and trusts. This type of violence is not limited to teenage girls. Boys and girls, regardless of age, can be sexually abused by an adult. Children stubbornly hide cases of sexual abuse against themselves, because of shame, guilt, fear of punishment and ridicule.

    Shame and guilt in children who have been sexually abused

    In addition to the physical damage that can be caused by sexual abuse, the emotional component causes powerful trauma with far-reaching consequences. Children who have been sexually abused suffer from feelings of shame and guilt. They very often consider themselves guilty of what happened, believe that they themselves provoked an adult, and underestimate his guilt. This can provoke a strong hatred of the child, and serious sexual problems with age; can lead to excessive promiscuity, or vice versa - the inability to have intimate relationships.

    Shame from experienced sexual abuse greatly interferes with the harmonious development of the child. Such children experience a lot of anxiety: they worry that other children will not believe them, will be angry with them, tease them; they are afraid that by telling about what happened, they will provoke a divorce of their parents. Because of all these obstacles, false accusations from a child of sexual abuse committed against him are extremely rare, so if a child has told you about it - do not try to ignore this statement!

    Signs of child abuse

    The sooner a child is abused, the better their chances of recovery. Child abuse is not always obvious. However, by noticing some indirect signs of child abuse, you can identify the problem and try to protect the child from the abuser.

    Of course, the presence of such symptoms is not in itself conclusive proof that a child is being abused. But these symptoms will make you alert and take a closer look at this family.

    Symptoms of emotional abuse in a child:
    • Excessive fearfulness, anxiety, doubt or worry that he is doing something wrong.
    • Exaggerated behavioral extremes (too malleable or too demanding; excessive passivity or assertive aggression).
    • No attachment to a parent or guardian.
    • Behavior that is too adult (taking care of other children) or behavior that is too infantile (rocking, thumb sucking, throwing tantrums).


    Symptoms of physical abuse in a child:
    • Frequent injuries or unexplained bruising, scarring, or cuts.
    • The child is always on the alert, as if something bad is about to happen.
    • The child's injuries have a clear violent "handwriting", for example, an even belt mark, or fist marks.

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    • The child avoids touching, shudders at sudden movements, is afraid to go home.
    • Wears inappropriate clothing to mask injuries, such as a long-sleeved shirt on a hot day.

    Symptoms of neglect in a child
    • Unsuitable for the weather, situation; or dirty clothes.
    • Constantly low level of personal hygiene (the smell of sweat, tangled unwashed hair, etc.).
    • Physical injury or disease for which there is no adequate treatment.
    • The child is often unsupervised, or plays in dangerous places, or engages in games that are dangerous to life and health.
    • Often late or skip school.

    Warning signs of sexual abuse in children
    • Trouble sitting or walking.
    • Demonstrates excessive knowledge or excessive interest in the topic of sex, inappropriate for this age, or even attempts to act seductively.
    • Makes great efforts to avoid meeting a specific person for no apparent reason.
    • Does not want to change in front of an adult, although this was not a problem before; avoids physical contact (such as hugs).
    • Sexually transmitted infections or pregnancy, especially before the age of 14 years.
    • Escapes from the house.

    Risk factors for child maltreatment

    Although child maltreatment occurs in all families, even those that appear to be very prosperous to others, there are still some circumstances that increase the risk of child maltreatment.

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    Domestic violence. Violence in the family, occurring in front of a child, is the strongest traumatic factor in itself. Even if the mother does everything possible to protect her children from violence, even if the father never touches the children, but regularly beats the mother, the situation does not become less destructive. If the spouse began to regularly beat his wife, the best way to protect children is to break such a marriage.

    Alcohol and drug addiction. Living in a family with an alcoholic or drug addict is a difficult ordeal for children and can easily lead to abuse and neglect at any time. Drunk parents are unable to care for their children, make good parenting decisions, and control their often dangerous impulses. Substance abuse also often leads to physical abuse.

    Mental illness of a family member without adequate treatment . Parents who suffer from depression, anxiety disorders, bipolar disorders, or other mental illnesses cannot always take care of themselves, much less their children. A mentally ill parent often leaves their children unsupervised, or quickly erupts into unreasonable anger. Adequate treatment of mental illness often avoids these phenomena and improves the quality of care for children.

    Lack of child-rearing skills. Some parents do not have the most basic childcare and parenting skills. For example, teen parents may have unrealistic ideas about what it takes to care for young children. Or parents who themselves were victims of childhood abuse simply do not imagine that their own children can be brought up in any other way. In such cases, a parenting school, psychotherapy, and parent support groups help to acquire the necessary parenting skills.

    Stress and lack of support . Raising a child is a serious job, especially if you have to do it alone, without the support of family, friends or society; especially if the parent is in serious financial difficulty. Caring for a child with a disability, special care needs, or behavioral difficulties is also a major challenge. It is extremely important to receive emotional and physical support in such situations.

    Recognize inappropriate behavior in oneself

    What to do if you suddenly found out your child in the described situations, what to do if you are this aggressor? Do you want to fix it? Do you feel angry, frustrated, and do not know where to turn? Raising children is one of life's greatest challenges, and can cause anger and frustration in the most tempered of characters. If you grew up in a family where swearing, yelling or physical abuse was the norm, you may not know other ways to raise your children.

    Bullying. Consequences

    It is known that child abuse does not go unnoticed...

    Admitting you have a problem is the biggest step to getting help. If you yourself have been abused, you know how difficult it is for your children right now. Perhaps unfair and cruel punishments were imposed on you, and your mother was too drunk to cook dinner. It may have been normal for your parents to call you a fool, a clumsy mattress, or a worthless child. Perhaps your father regularly beat your mother in front of you.

    We are adults and we have the opportunity to look back. We can recognize and manage the situation. Reread the sections above and think about what you are doing? What did you experience yourself when you were a child? Below is a list of symptoms that indicate that you have crossed the line of good and evil and are being cruel and inappropriate to your children.

    How do you know that you yourself have crossed the line?

    • You can't stop your anger. You sometimes shake the baby, or throw him. You scream at him at the top of your lungs and you can't stop yourself.
    • You feel emotionally detached from your child. You often feel so overwhelmed that you have no desire to take care of your child. Day after day, and you just want the house to be quiet so that the child will just leave you alone.
    • Meeting your child's daily needs seems impossible. If you fail to swaddle your baby, feed or take him to school every day, this is a sign that the situation is getting out of control.
    • Other people express concern about the situation in your family. This may make you angry with them, you may think that it is none of their business. Maybe you're right. Still, think carefully about what they say. Are their claims justified?

    How to break the cycle of child abuse?

    If you were abused as a child, having children of your own can bring back forgotten memories and feelings. This can happen immediately after childbirth, or much later. You may be shocked or depressed that you can no longer control your anger. However, know that you can learn new ways to manage your emotions and break old vicious patterns.

    Remember that you are the most important person in your child's world. This is a great reason to change, and you won't be alone on this journey - help and support are available to you.

    A few tips

    • Find out what is normal at each age of the child and what is not. Read books on parenting. If you have the right knowledge, you will not demand the impossible from your child, and this will help you avoid disappointment and anger at the usual behavior of the child. For example, newborns should not sleep all night without food, and babies are not at all going to sit quietly in one place for a long time.
    • Learn new parenting skills. It is not enough to restrain negative emotions, it is not enough to know what not to do - it is extremely important to know what to do instead of all this. Start by learning the right parenting methods and setting clear rules and boundaries for your children. Parenting classes, books, and workshops are just some of the ways in which this information and these skills can be acquired. You can also seek help from other parents, often from them you can get surprisingly simple and effective advice and recommendations.
    • Take care of yourself. If you yourself do not get enough rest and support, or if you feel overwhelmed and tired, then you will be able to succumb to anger much more easily. Sleep deprivation, so common among parents of young children, makes you more irritable and tired - which is exactly what you are trying to avoid.
    • Get professional help. Breaking the cycle of domestic violence can be very difficult. If you can't stop yourself despite your best efforts, it's time to seek professional help. This is psychotherapy, parent school or psychiatric consultation. This is sometimes not easy to realize and not easy to do. Gather your will into a fist and do it, you will be rewarded with the gratitude and love of your own children.
    • Learn how to control your emotions. The first step to achieving this control is to realize that negative emotions exist. If you yourself were abused as a child, then you may have serious difficulties with the range of emotions. As a child, you may have denied or repressed them, and now they spill out of your control.

    How to help someone else's child if you notice that he is being abused in the family?

    What should you do if you have reason to suspect that a particular child is being abused in their family? How can you influence the situation? Or how to react if the child directly turned to you for help and protection from this situation? You may be confused or overwhelmed when faced with this situation, and this is completely normal. Child abuse is a very complex topic, very difficult to understand and even more difficult to change.

    However, you should remember that if you manage to stop the abuse of a child, you can drastically change his future fate in a positive direction. When talking to an affected child, the best thing you can do is calmly reassure him of your unconditional support. If you can't find the right words, let your deeds speak for you. Remember that abuse is extremely traumatic for a child. Your task is to calm the child and provide maximum support and assistance.

    Tips for talking to an affected child
    • Avoid denial, doubt, and remain calm . The news of child abuse may seem unbelievable to you, it may shock and upset you. However, if you show your child your disbelief, shock, or denial of what he is talking about, the child may immediately get frightened, shut up, and you will lose all further contact with him. Be as calm and as sympathetic as you can.
    • Do not interrogate. Let the child tell you, in his or her own words, what happened. Do not interrogate the child, do not ask leading questions. This can confuse and excite the child, and make it difficult for him to continue the story.
    • Convince the child that he is not to blame at all. Talking about such things is extremely difficult for a child; he often feels guilty for what happened, or for telling you this. It is extremely important to convince him of the opposite: the child is not to blame for what happened, and he acted boldly and correctly by telling you about it.
    • Safety first. If you feel that your safety or the safety of your child will be threatened if you try to interfere, leave this job to the professionals. You can be much more helpful after the intervention of professionals, your support in the future can be extremely important for the child.

    Report child abuse to child welfare or police

    If you suspect that a child is being abused in the family, it is important to let professionals help the family. Many people are afraid to report to the police because of officiality, others do not want to interfere in the lives of other families.

    There are many excuses that witnesses of domestic violence use to justify their inaction.