Sex marriage advice

10 Great Sex Tips for Married Couples

Ok here’s a little bedroom tip. Put a bag of popcorn in the microwave before hand. That way, when you’re done you have a treat. –Liz Lemon “30 Rock”

Consider this the biblical alternative to the top left corner of Cosmo. (You know what they print there every month.) Sex is tricky. Both of you have different preferences and desires, and then there’s the insecurity you are not blowing your partner’s mind with your sexual super powers. This list, which references Dr. Douglas Rosenau’s advice in “A Celebration of Sex for Newlyweds,” does not suggest any fool-proof positions or bizarre genital exercises. Instead, it helps you lay a foundation for sexual fun and union with your spouse that will only get better until death do you part.

1. Sex is Not the Point of Marriage

You need to treat sex as a means to an end. Sex is a manifestation of your love and union, not the purpose of it. “Sex should never be just a physical rush, but a tender, passionate connection. Without the playful, loving companionship, sex becomes another buzz that loses its perspective and has increasingly diminishing returns.” (6-7) If you have problems in your marriage, you will have problems in your bedroom. It’s a given. But, the more work you put into strengthening your marriage, the better your sex life will be.

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2. Make it Fun

Sex doesn’t always have to be a solemn, serious act. It can be goofy and silly, with both of you cracking jokes until tears roll down your face. Take the pressure off. This way you can try something new and giggle rather than cringe when you don’t get it right the first time. Turn a tickle fight or game of tag into foreplay. “You cannot work at creating better lovemaking–you and your mate have to play at it.” (2)

3. Learn Something

Find out what your partner wants during sex! This is not to say you should only focus on what your spouse wants, but sex is a two-way street. Ask your partner about their preferences in the bedroom. Rosenau calls this “get[ting] a Ph.D in your mate.” (3)

On the flip side, learn what you like. You can’t coach them unless you know what turns you on. And how can you know what turns you on unless you know a little something about sex? Always be adding to your sexual manual. While technique is no replacement for emotional connection, “the couple with their act together sexually know how to create ambience and be uninhibitedly sensual and playful. They understand various positions of intercourse, and they have built a comfortable, exciting repertoire of sexual moves.” (4)

4. Give Your Bodies a Break

Becoming comfortable naked is hard – particularly for women. Our culture’s message is, “Your body is wrong. Hate yourself.” It’s up to you to tell mainstream culture it’s wrong, and you are going to love the body God gave you. Channel your self-acceptance into assertiveness in the bedroom. Focus on enjoying sex and uniting with your partner rather than any real or imagined physical flaws.

As you need to learn to stop holding yourself up to an impossible standard, you need to do the same for your spouse. Honing in on what you’d love to fix about them will not make you any happier. And I’m sure being criticized is not a turn-on for your mate. You expect them to love you for who you are; do the same for them. “You reap the benefit (or destructiveness if you stay obsessive) of nurturing and helping your partner revel in sexual appeal… Unconditional love and acceptance and affirmation set the temperature for some fantastic sex.” (2-3)

5. Communication is the key

This is such a cliché, but it’s true. Assuming you grew up in church, talking about sexual preferences and interests may make you squeamish, but put on your adult underpants and deal with it. Unless you’re married to an X-Man, your partner cannot read your mind, therefore, they can’t be sure what you really like in bed unless you tell them. What are you both comfortable doing? What are you more hesitant about? What do you like or dislike? What sounds like fun to try? This is discussed in detail in my previous article, Christian Counseling for 3 Myths About Marriage Fights.

6. ‘Put a Bird On It’

This is a Portlandia reference. We do not encourage introducing animals into your lovemaking. While a lot of couples blame sexual dysfunction on being married too long rather than the real problem, emotional friction, there is something to be said for changing it up once in a while. Be imaginative; plan sexy surprises. Does your wife keep a stack of Harlequin romance novels hidden in the closet? Go all-out on a cliché-romantic evening, even the goofy rose petals up the stairs. Does your husband start waving and shouting about whether Marvel or DC comics is better? Rent or buy a rad superhero costume and spring it on him after you have sent the kids elsewhere.

Get creative.

7. Make Time for Sex

Most newlyweds reading his book probably rolled their eyes when Rosenau suggested they could even be too busy for sex. But it happens. You get these things called kids, jobs, bills and visits from in-laws. You are making an effort in the bedroom if you actually wipe the baby puke off your shirt before passing out on top of the covers. Rosenau’s not suggesting you create some military regimen where you have sex for one hour every Monday and Thursday evening. But, if you don’t make it a priority, it won’t happen.

It helps to know when you feel most sexual. Try to schedule during these times so you will be more likely to make those chores wait a while longer.

8. Be Romantic

You can be romantic with your clothes on. This is where knowing your partner comes in handy. Does it make your husband glow to have his ego stroked a bit? (“Tell me about that thing you know so much about”) Does it cheer up your wife to have a sweet voicemail waiting for her at lunch? Without resorting to sexist stereotypes, your spouse is not your gender, meaning there are probably some nothing gestures you think are stupid that will make them want to crawl all over you (in a good way).

9. Naked and Unashamed

Just as you shouldn’t be ashamed of one another, don’t be ashamed of sex. God created sex. And then he had someone write a whole book about it (Song of Solomon). That means it’s okay for you to do it. But that doesn’t make it any less difficult to overcome cultural hang-ups that paint sex as vulgar or dirty or something Christians don’t talk about.

“My beloved is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies. Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, turn my beloved, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the rugged hills.” (Song of Solomon 2:16-17 NIV) Unless it took a lot longer in the Old Testament to procreate than it does now, it can be assumed the two lovers weren’t just using sex for making babies. They were unabashedly celebrating God-given physical union until dawn.

10. Make Intimacy Intimate

“There is no replacement for what God intended sex to do for intimate marriages. It is the framework for expressing many powerful and exciting emotions such as joy, love, trust, and playfulness.” (7-8) Just as sex can be fun; it can also be a time of showing your partner how you feel about them. Be vulnerable, warm and affectionate. Show gratitude as they make your skin sing and show your love by doing the same.

Christian Counseling About Sex

If you and your spouse are having sexual problems, or if you and your fiancée would like a few pointers about how to ease into lovemaking, consider making an appointment with a professional Christian counselor. They’re eager to help you talk about your private problems and figure out solutions that will give your greater freedom and fun in the bedroom.

References
“A Celebration of Sex for Newlyweds” Dr. Douglas RosenauPhotos
Married couple– Flickr user Wedding Photography by Jon Day; Lillies– Flickr user Andrea 44

35 Sex Tips for Couples to Try

It’s funny when people ask sex tips for couples because there isn’t anything wrong with the actual sex.

Everything seems great at the start, but when the honeymoon phase is way back in the rearview mirror, your sex life stagnates. You need to understand that it’s not irreversible.

Improving sex life is about building anticipation, communicating about likes, dislikes, fantasies, and being fearless about trying new things.

You may be in a long-term relationship and think you know everything there is to know to have a better sex life, but the truth is, there’s always more to learn!

That’s why we’re teaching you 35 of the hottest sex tips for couples.

35 sex tips for couples

Here is your chance at making your sex life sizzle again with the help of these marriage sex tips or make love tips from our experts on how to have good sex.

So read the best sex tips for couples, practice what you learn, and you will soon be on your way to resurrecting a thriving sex life with your partner.

1. Communicate about sex

Communication is everything. It’s how you grow as a couple, solve your conflicts, and get to know one another better.

Research indicates that sexual communication is positively correlated both with relationship and sexual satisfaction.

The easier it is for you and your spouse to talk about getting dirty together, the happier your relationship will be.

One of the best ways to have better sex is to talk about it before and after. It will let your partner know what you want as well as how great it was.

Also Try: Communication Quiz- Is Your Couple's Communication Skill On Point?

2. Create an atmosphere

One of the best sex advice for couples between the sheets is to set the mood. Creating a romantic atmosphere is easy.

Start with a clean bedroom, light some candles, put on some music, have some drinks, and start romancing your sweetheart. It can be great after a stressful day or week.

Sex is ultimately a result of what we do to improve our emotional and intellectual connection. One of the best ways to make sex more interesting is to treat sex as a culmination of reconnecting after a stressful day or week.

3. Roleplay

Doing a little roleplay in the bedroom is a great way to boost your sex life.

Let your imagination run wild and feel the heat radiating between the sheets.

Roleplay gives you a breath of fresh air from your monotonous sex life and can work wonders. It is one of the best sex tips for married couples who forget how exciting it is to make love over the decades.

You can be the naughty babysitter, seductress secretary and boss, vixen elf, and magical mage. Whatever your fantasy is, roleplay it!

Also Try: Intimacy Quiz- How Sexually Intimate Is Your Relationship?

4. Use Toys

One of the best sex tips for married couples and a safe way to bring some aliveness into married life is the use of toys.

Going together into the sex shop can be fun even if you don’t buy anything. It will feel thrilling just looking at the products.

If you are creating, some of them can be substituted with home items. For example, instead of the cuffs, you can use his tie or your scarves.

However, do not forget that one of the great couples sex ideas to amp up your sex life is by introducing sex toys into the bedroom. Not only will this spice up your routine, but it also helps women achieve orgasm faster.

5. Read dirty stories

For couples who aren’t into dirty movies but still want to spice things up, it’s time to read some dirty stories.

Erotica can really revamp sex in relationships. You can read it to each other or listen to audio erotica together. It would be helpful to find something that you both enjoy, and once you do, you both can take a step further and turn those words into your reality.

Also Try: Are You Good in Bed Quiz

6. Boost your oral skills

The “Kivin Method” is one of the best sex tips for couples to come around in a while.

While performing oral sex on your female partner, approaching her from the side instead of straight on. This change of angle will heighten her pleasurable sensations and have her begging for more.

Similarly, when performing oral sex on men, females should use their mouth and hands for maximum pleasure.

Oral sex is a game-changer.

7. She comes first

Always remember this: When it comes to sex, once the guy is finished, the party’s over. So make sure you’re a good party host by ensuring your wife/girlfriend is always “served” first. Especially if you are married.

One of the best sex tips for marriage is to prioritize your wife’s orgasm before yours. Unsatisfied sessions between married couples can become a communication barrier and lead to conflicts.

Also Try: When Will I Meet My Soulmate Quiz

8. Make foreplay a priority

Foreplay is important. Really important.

Not only is kissing, touching, caressing, and pleasuring your partner a great way to connect before getting down to the deed, but it’s also a great way to ensure your female partner is going to orgasm.

Don’t underestimate its power. Don’t think of it as something that has to lead to sex. Try appreciating it and including it every time you have sex.

Watch this video by Dr. Emily Morse on Foreplay to know more:

9. Get loud

Remember when you first moved in together, and you were able to express yourself as loud as you wanted during sex?

Moaning is a form of appreciation when it comes to sex. When you moan, your partner understands what drives you crazy and where they need to focus more.

Also Try: Quiz: Is Your Relationship in Crisis?

10. The C-A-T position

The Coital Alignment Technique, or CAT position, is great for women who find it difficult to orgasm from intercourse alone.

Begin in the missionary position with his body flat against yours, then tilt your hips up. Have him make a rocking motion instead of an “in and out” motion.

This way, you’ll be grinding against each other and giving your clit a real workout.

11. Watch and play

One of the greatest bedroom tips for married life is to play voyeur for the evening is to sit across from your partner on the bed and give yourselves a private viewing party as you touch yourselves.

This process will turn you both on so much; it’ll be impossible to keep your hands off one another. Believe it or not, it will add the needed spice to your sex life.

Also Try: What Kind Of A Partner Are You?

12. Use exercise as foreplay

There’s no doubt that exercise is good for your health. It improves your cardiovascular health, reduces stress, and leaves you with a bangin’ body.

But, did you know that some women get turned on from exercise? Exercising also improves stamina which helps you last longer in bed.

Even more of a reason to get fit with your spouse this year.

13. Tie each other up

You may not be ready for whips and chains, but there’s always room for a little light BDSM play in the bedroom.

Experiment with tying one another up or using handcuffs. Be open-minded and try some light bondage things. Please remember that variety makes your sex life better.

Also Try: Pre-Marriage Awareness Quiz- Find Out If You're Ready To Tie The Knot

14. Grind, don’t bounce

One of the best sex ideas for couples is to put your partner in cowgirl positions and ask her to grind, not bounce, but grind.

Remember, it’s never, ever bounce unless you are really into it.

Bouncing is a sure-fire way to tire you out in two minutes flat.

However, Grinding will be much better for your stamina, and you’ll have a much better chance of having an orgasm due to the friction.

15. Play a sexy game or games

There are so many games to be found, so you have plenty of choices. Don’t worry if you don’t like some of the first ones you run into.

Start with the ones you find exciting yet not overwhelming. Over time you will be ready to try new games and keep the thrill alive.

Buy some sex dice, play truth or dare, strip poker, or only tease each other during commercial breaks on the TV. These games build sexual anticipation and result in a whole lot of fun. This could be really exhilarating when it comes to loving couples having sex.

Also Try: Is My Husband Sexually Attracted to Me Quiz

16. Dirty talk

Don’t be afraid of a little dirty talk now and again. Roleplaying or getting a little crude is a great way to turn each other on and live out a fantasy.

Dirty talk is about letting yourself be free. It doesn’t have to be any dirtier than you are comfortable with. What you say doesn’t need to happen even. It can be only fantasy-based.

Think about what you would like to hear and share that too.

A piece of important sex tips for couples is to make sure to set the boundaries of the non-acceptable words.

17. Mix it up

Don’t be afraid to mix up your routine every once in a while.

Instead of doing it in the evenings, have spontaneous morning sex. Instead of doing it in the bed, get naughty on the living room floor.

Good sex is good sex, and it doesn’t matter when and where, so don’t be afraid to break the routine.

Also Try: Is He Playing Games With Me Quiz

18. Don’t ignore the testicles

This area can sometimes go ignored, but the testicles can provide some serious stimulation to men.

The next time you please your guy, be sure to lick, suck, or gently tug or cup his balls for a sensation he’ll never forget.

Tease him, and you will be rewarded with a great sex session.

19. Mirror mirror on the wall

One great sex tip for better sex is to watch yourself getting dirty in a full-length mirror.

Banish insecurities and watch the sexy way you enjoy one another.

This is great because it’s not as invasive or dangerous as recording yourselves in the act, but you still get to watch the good parts unfolding in front of you.

Also Try: You Think Your Love Life Is Great? Take This Quiz To Find Out

20. Watch each other

Great sex involves equal parts chemistry and vulnerability. You can open up your vulnerable side and make sex hot and meaningful by maintaining eye contact throughout.

One of the best sex tips for couples is to reignite the passion in the bedroom by looking at each other.

Try replacing the flannel PJs with some sexy gowns even though it is cold. The bed should also be a place where you come to communicate on a different verbal and non-verbal level, not just a place for rest.

21. Fantasize

Part of having a great sex life is being able to fantasize about your partner.

Consider fantasizing part of your dirty talk. Relay one of your favorite fantasies to your partner or create one, especially for them.

No matter how many years you have been together, if you can see your partner in a new sexual light, it can boost sex and relationships. Try it out and experience something you have never experienced before.

Also Try: What Is Your Sexual Fantasy Quiz

22. Kiss like teenagers

Remember back when you first met your spouse and nothing sexual had happened yet?

Those were the days when you could kiss for hours and hours, getting more turned on the longer it went.

The list of sex tips for marriage includes the feel-good hormones releasing kissing. Boost your immunity and lower your stress levels with a passionate kiss.

Relive those days and make out shamelessly. Anything that will remind you of the fun couple you once were and can become again.

23. Take your time

Great sex doesn’t have a timer attached to it. If you want to have better sex, make sure you have the right amount of time set aside for it.

A quickie can only make you feel fine (sometimes), but if you take your time, you can have an unforgettable sex session that you need.

Also Try: Should We Break Up Quiz

24. Make a bucket list… For sex

Have you ever wanted to do it on an airplane? In the back of a car? Make a homemade dirty movie? Now is the time to get kinky with your spouse and make a dirty bucket list.

Not only will this inspire you both to try new things, but you’ll turn each other on just talking about it.

25. Grind with your clothes on

Research shows that 81.6% of women can’t orgasm from penetrative sex alone. That’s because most of their focus has to be on grinding the clit against something.

So, the next time you’re feeling frisky, grind with your clothes on (as if you were teenagers again!)

The friction from the clothes will get her excited and may even make her orgasm; just make sure you’re not wearing jeans or harsh materials that could chafe either of you.

26. Give him something to see

Men are extremely visual creatures, so why not give them something to see?

The next time you’re getting down and dirty, be sure to keep the lights on so he can watch you work your magic.

All that sex in the dark makes you forget how amazing it is when it’s happening. Keep enough light in the room for him to look at you. It will turn him on more.

Also Try: Is My Boyfriend Keeping Things From Me Quiz

27. The clit is everything

Most women need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, so don’t neglect this special area. It isn’t just for foreplay!

Be sure to stimulate the clit with your fingers, sex toy, or choose a position where it can grind against your partner for the ultimate pleasure.

Be vocal and ask her what you can do to heighten her pleasure. Tell her how much it turns you on to hear her groan.

Follow her lead, and sometimes you have to take a step back and let her show you what to do and where to do it.

There’s nothing sexier than knowing your partner is genuinely committed to blowing your mind.

28. Compliment each other

Who doesn’t love to be complimented about their amazing sex moves every now and again?

The next time your partner does something you can’t get enough of, tell them so! Not only will this boost their ego, but it will let them know what turns you on the most.

Some sweet words go a long way! What human doesn’t feel a little insecure about parts of his/her body?

We have these wildly insane standards we place on ourselves for how a woman or man should look thanks to unrealistic social media images, it affects people more sexually than they can understand.

With a few kind words, you can significantly help your partner feel more confident at the moment.

Also Try: Do Many People Have a Crush on Me Quiz

29. Explore non-sexual touching

One of the biggest sex ideas for husband and wife is to explore non-sexual touching.

Studies show that physical affection, such as holding hands, kissing, cuddling, and massaging one another, is strongly related to relationship satisfaction.

30. Sexy strip session

Does your partner love to see a sexy visual before getting down to business? Delight their senses by putting on your favorite “mood music” and doing a sensual striptease.

It feels great when all 5 senses are engaged, but it feels better when one of them is in focus. Turn off some of them and put the focus on one. Blindfold them while focusing on the skin. Try playing some music that you use to strip dance while they are tied up and can’t touch you.

31. Be prepared so that you can be spontaneous

It was indeed easier to be spontaneous early in the relationship since you took time and care to get ready to meet your loved one.

After some time, you might have stopped dressing up for them as much. Try to bring it back by doing a bit of preparation that makes you enjoy being in your body.

When you feel good, you will find it easier to jump to each other any chance you see.

Also Try: How Do You Show Love?

32. Treat all activities as if they lead to sex

Shopping together?

For every item they remember from the list, give them a sassy kiss. Sounds like quirky marriage sex advice? Try it!

When no one is watching, shake those hips. Driving home from the store? Stare them in the eyes to heat their crotch. Ask them what they would like for dessert and say no to anything that is not you— taking kids to the park?

Put a naughty note in their pocket to read while the kids are playing. Introduce fun back into your life, and great sex is going to follow.

33. Make a habit of trying new positions

Every month make a promise to try one new position. Commit to each other and keep each other in check. And remember this sex advice – when you run out of ideas, do research. Just make sure not to get hurt due to some Camasutra spelling errors.

Also Try: What's Your Ideal Sex Position?

34. Talk. Ask. Appreciate

Your sex life is a reflection of what’s happening in your relationship. If your sex life isn’t where you’d like it to be, here are some tools you can use to ramp things up:

Get on the same page. Talk with your partner about your ideal sex life goals and listen to their desires.

Ask for what you need from your partner in life and the bedroom. Make a needs list and encourage them to do the same. Tweet this

Set aside a few moments each day to look at each other in the eyes. This can be as you kiss goodbye in the morning or a moment to pause and appreciate each other while making dinner.

35. Tease him

As much as he wants you to rip off his clothes, make him beg for it. Do a sexy striptease, kiss his thighs, do whatever you have to do until he can’t take it anymore. Dominate him. Don’t necessarily break out the latex and whips (unless you’re into that kind of thing). Take control of him. When you’re on top, try putting his hands behind his back, and you own the position and embrace being in utter control.

Also Try: Are You Not A Good Enough Wife?

Conclusion

Best sex for couples happens when both of them are equally invested. It’s cliche, but oh so true. Both men and women play a big role in the quality of a married couple’s sex life.

Don’t assume that it’s just your partner’s fault if you’ve lost that spark that kept you in bed all day back when you first got together.

To rediscover the passion that you once shared with your partner, you need to follow some of the sex tips for couples shared above and have an open, honest conversation about your sex life with your spouse.

Use these exciting sex tips for couples to gain a little awareness of your sex life and work together to recreate the magic that you once had.

How to keep sex in marriage? The best recommendations of women from different countries

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People often talk about how passion gradually fades in marriage - from "get undressed and lie down" to "oh, come on later. " American journalist Jo Piazza, author of several books on relationships, has traveled the world looking for answers on how to avoid this.

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“The night before my wedding, I sat alone in my room and thought sadly about the future of my orgasms. I didn't spend that night with my fiancé, but I would like to - what if this is my last chance for amazing sex?

After 20 years of dating men, I realized that the best sex is at the dawn of dating. Between the first kisses at 14 and meeting my future husband at 34, I had five serious romances, each of which lasted more than a year. And every time after the six-month mark, we turned from a passionate couple who are ready to have sex in a taxi, into neighbors who can sleep next to each other in clothes and only occasionally indulge in lazy sex. When I understood this, the relationship could be terminated.

The situation changed after meeting my future husband, when we were burning with passion a year later. But what happens after the wedding?

And after many days of thinking, I decided to travel around the world to get an answer to the question of how to be a good wife. I have spoken to hundreds of women in 20 countries about marriage, sex, and compiled their responses into the book How to Live in Marriage.

Strangers, young and old, white, black and brown, told me things that would make a red-light district girl blush

I had the feeling that I was in a closed society with the password "I got married." Strangers, young and old, white and black and brown, told me things that would make a red-light district girl blush. By the way, it was she who gave me the most modest advice: an active sexual life in marriage depends more on a woman. “A married man easily loses and regains the desire for adventure,” she whispered to me in the middle of the red light district. “Be the captain of your ship, women have to keep up the passion when men need clues on what to do.”

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She is echoed by a woman from the polygamous Maasai tribe in Kenya: "You must be fully involved in sex." They have a sexual schedule: 4-5 wives live together with numerous children in the same room and go to the husband in turn. “But how do you manage to have sex when there are kids everywhere?” I couldn't resist asking. There was a pause, I thought that I had said too much, but one of them leaned over to my ear and whispered: "Be on top, it's much quieter."

I was most interested in the question, is it not boring to spend night after night with one person until death do us part? And will this boredom lead to the disappearance of sex? I even thought that perhaps monogamy is not the most suitable state for people, and decided to look at the French, whose culture, it would seem, involves increased extramarital activity.

But when I asked surprised French women with beautiful hairdos and off-the-shoulder blouses if it was time for my husband and I to have an affair in order to prolong the passion, they looked at me as if I accused them of cruelty to animals. “Will I allow my husband to have sex with another woman? - one of them literally ran into me. - Of course not!" True, after a glass of wine and a long, thin cigarette, she became kinder: “He needs to always be interested, you need to keep the veil of secrecy and not be afraid of the new. You Americans get married and quickly change your sexy underwear for pajama pants, stop closing the door to the toilet, ”she said the words“ pajama pants ”in such a tone as if they were the pants of a bum. I wanted to explain to her that the toilet in our apartment is tiny, and I'm claustrophobic, and that these expensive pajama pants literally hug my buttocks, but I only said: "I don't understand what the secret of sexy lingerie is." They said it was my biggest offense in a relationship.

I got a lot of good advice about sex in France, but I didn't expect to hear it from orthodox women in Jerusalem either!

I got a lot of good advice about sex in France, but I didn't expect to hear it from Orthodox women in Jerusalem either! “Never stop having sex with your husband, even in extreme old age,” an ancient Israeli woman told me. “Quality is more important than frequency,” added another. Orthodox couples can have sex on certain days of the month. I tried to find out if this is the path to maximum fertility, but no one could answer. “Sex is important for a woman. And he must, must like her! On the days when we do it, everything is set for enjoyment,” said my orthodox peer. Which days? One week after the end of menstruation. “We part ways for a few days in order to better understand ourselves and return to each other even more enthusiastic. That's how the passion is preserved."

So I made a list: be a captain of a ship, act like a mistress to your husband (from the French, of course), do not wear pajama bottoms, close the door to the toilet, have sex less often and better, choose a time for him, remove gadgets from the bedroom (from that Dutch woman). A lot of work!

When I got back, the first thing I asked my husband was: what if we don't have sex for two weeks. "What if we don't check it out?" - he answered skeptically - and dragged me to bed.

An attempt to wear erotic lingerie also failed. He was embarrassed and said: “I’ll take it off you anyway, what’s the point?”

Then I tried to close the bathroom door, keeping the last stronghold of secrecy in our marriage. But I swear - every time he stood under the door and spoke to me! And yes, our toilet is very small.

The best advice I received was in Holland. When we removed phones and computers from the bedroom, it became a place for hugs and kisses

The best advice I got was in Holland. When we removed phones and computers from the bedroom, it became a place for hugs and kisses. And before, at the same time, we liked other couples on the Internet!

We've been together for more than two years, I'm five months pregnant, and nothing happened to sex (except for a couple of episodes of morning sickness and a cold that interfered with it). So the best advice is to do what is best for your relationship!”

Sexual compatibility and love (16+)

Contents

Sexual harmony in marriage
Early sexual relations
Sexual abstinence: harm or benefit
Quality of intimate relationships
Testing sexual compatibility
Number of sexual partners and health
Sexual promiscuity
Attractiveness or accessibility?
A man's wealth

A lot of young men and women who are looking for their "half" are concerned about the question: "How my chosen one (chosen one) will suit me sexually? Will the disharmony of intimate life lead to the destruction of the family? And it seems logical to many to make sure of such compatibility even before marriage. At first glance, this intention is caused by a responsible attitude towards marriage. And what do the experts think? Meet our expert - director of the well-known medical center in St. Petersburg Vasily Vasilyevich Lemeshev, urologist-andrologist. Many years of practical work in Russia and abroad allows him to express his authoritative opinion on the designated topic in the film "Sexual Compatibility and Love" (project "Expert Opinion" of the Information Center "Cradle").

Sexual harmony in marriage

Sexual harmony in marriage… You know, I probably wouldn't divide into sexual harmony in marriage. I would say - harmony in marriage. Once a friend of mine shared his impression with me: “I get up in the morning, I leave, and my wife looked at me, and took and cleaned my shoes. And for me it was maybe more important than a warm, sexually intense night with her tonight. That is, harmony in marriage is the harmony of relationships. There is no only sexual harmony, that does not happen. Sexual harmony is harmony when, excuse me, the sexual organs meet and perform the act that they perform. No more. And harmony in marriage is the harmony of feelings; harmony in marriage - this harmony of views; harmony in marriage is a harmony of interests; harmony in marriage is the harmony of everything positive and negative, of what happens in the family, in marriage. After all, marriage is not only dances. Marriage is, I would say, that in marriage you need to love not yourself, but in marriage you need to love your loved one - perhaps this is the most important thing, on which, like a Christmas tree, all kinds of toys are already strung on. You do not need to love yourself, but you need to give - to give with joy. Let's not be hypocrites, let's put it this way: sexual relations in marriage are a component, this is a component of marriage, without it there can be no initially normal, adequate, good, warm relations in marriage. Why did I say in the first place? Everything happens in life: they met, they are young, they are healthy, they love each other, they can and know how to love each other. Over time, he fell ill, she fell ill - sexual relations left for various specific reasons. But they are not gone, they are in the air.

Like, for example, on Admiralteyskaya embankment, it was probably 7-8 years ago, I pass by, I look: an elderly couple is sitting and chirping something among themselves, people are about 70 years old, probably -80, somewhere in that range. He holds her hands, she says something to him, and he looks at her like this. I passed, something stopped me, I turned around, went in the opposite direction, but in order not to embarrass them, still peeping at them - they had love in their eyes. They had love in their eyes. They may not have sexual relations, but love - she remained. Full-fledged, normal, human sexual relations are born there and on the basis where there is: respect, love, the inability to breathe without each other, to think the same way. Apparently, like this.

‒ That is, it is primary, what are you talking about?

- This is primary. If we are talking about family relationships, then first of all, these are parallel relationships, purposeful views of two people in the same direction, this is a commonality of interests, this is a commonality of wishes, this is a commonality of some kind of strategic reflections, which, of course, are supported by sexual relations.

Early sexual relations

I sometimes jokingly say to my patients: if you don't love, don't kiss, you can't do it, because you might not succeed in kissing. And then you will come to me and say: “Vasily Vasilyevich, I have some kind of problem,” but your problem is not physiological, your problem is here: you wanted to kiss first, without thinking, you need to it or not; Do you need this object for a kiss (I say in quotation marks) or not needed. You know, you just have to learn to be selective, I think. Honest and clean. After all, you and I don’t walk down the street, we don’t take something with our hands, we don’t take it and we don’t try it on the tongue - we don’t do this. And why are we ready to do almost the same in sexual relations? Why do we see, why do we sometimes do this, especially at an early age, when a young girl walks by, did you see that you liked her, and you definitely want to try her? Yes, dear friend, I want to, but first of all, think about what, how, how it will turn out for you, for her. Personally, I am against early sexual relations. Definitely against. Here you can play anything you like, as I already said, you can play Romeo and Juliet - you can base everything on everything, but I am against it for a number of specific reasons as a doctor, and as an experienced man, including against it.

Sexual abstinence: harm or benefit

Sexual abstinence - we very often give this phrase the wrong meaning. What kind of sexual abstinence are we talking about? This is not sexual abstinence. Sexual abstinence is when a person lived, lived, lived a sexual life, and then at the age of 40 he suddenly stopped for some reason. This is sexual abstinence. And if a person has not lived a sexual life, he is 9 years old, 10-11-12-13-14 - this is not abstinence, this is maturation, this is preparation for sexual life, and it is not something that has a negative effect - it has a positive effect. Preparation. It is difficult for us to imagine a weightlifter, an unprepared person who would step onto the platform, take a 120 kilogram barbell and pull it - go and try it. And this is not abstaining from sports - this is just a normal inclusion of the brain and the inclusion of an assessment of reality. Early sexual intercourse, earlier entry into sexual, intimate, relationships is an unjustified risk in many areas. In particular, in the psycho-emotional direction, when you simply turn into a racer, into a hunter, and each subsequent unjustified (we are now talking about the psychological aspect) - what does unjustified mean? Unjustified means an internally and externally uninterested sexual relationship, it definitely emasculates the soul. Definitely, it simplifies a person, it lowers a person, in the human sense. It shouldn't be, it just shouldn't be. This is psychology. Physiologically, of course, yes. Let's imagine an undeveloped muscle that we begin to load and load intensively. What will happen in this case? She can break. Exactly the same here.

The quality of intimate relationships

The quality of intimate relationships solely and only depends on the relationship between people, on trust in each other, on tenderness for each other - it depends only on this. You know, I want to say that now I am speaking exclusively as a practicing doctor: I want to say that probably 80 percent of men would not go to an andrologist about the poor quality of erection if they had warm, trusting, friendly relations at home. Think about it! 80 percent is a big percentage, it's a very big percentage. Everything else is organic, when there is inflammation: it may be a tumor, it may be something else, but this is a meager percentage in relation to everything else. Trust and only trust is a fundamental factor in a good, beautiful, fulfilling, intimate relationship.

Testing sexual compatibility

It is impossible, impossible, contraindicated, dangerous to test relationships with sexual relationships. This should not be done.

‒ Why?

‒ Why? Because, as I said above, only then sexual relations are full and give joy and pleasure to one and the other, if there is trust, if there is joy, simply from the fact that you held this person’s hand, that you looked into his eyes, what are you waiting for this person. No, here, unfortunately, we have this turned a little upside down, this is wrong, it is wrong in its essence - to test relationships by sexual relationships, when sexual relationships are a component of all relationships. Well, sorry, that's illogical, that's just illogical, that's wrong. This cannot be done. Loving couples do not have sexual incompatibility, it does not happen, in principle it cannot be. For every action there must be some kind of basis, something must grow from ... Where will sexual incompatibility come from if they loved, love and, God forbid, will continue to love? Can not be.

The number of sexual partners and health

To simply engage in a set of sexual relations, believe me: it is immoral, vulgar, does not paint a man at all. As a doctor, from a physiological point of view: it's draining. For example, if, here, sexual life begins and she went, went, went with different partners or partners, this exhausts the body in the physical sense of the word. Every organ is like every detail in a car - it has its own time limit. And nobody has discovered anything new here. And now you are supposed to perform so many sexual acts - you will perform them. Then you can also do them, but with the help of Viagra, implantation, and so on and so forth, when you are no longer the man you should be. It's draining.

Sexual promiscuity

Sexual addiction (let's call it that) or sexual promiscuity (which is closer to me) of a man is a man who is insecure; this is a man with prerequisites for early impotence; This is a man who constantly wants to prove something to himself. So I spent almost all my life standing at the operating table, operating - I operated well, but this does not mean that I will now take a scalpel and go out into the street and wave it left and right to show how I own it. This is such a story - this is uncertainty. A sexually promiscuous man is an insecure man. And women should understand that a sexually promiscuous man will never become a reliable partner, will never become a reliable husband, will never become a reliable man. Young women should know this.

Attractiveness or accessibility?

This excessive, pathological, defiant openness of the female body - it causes rejection. At the first moment, this, apparently, acts on some element of arousal, but, believe me, it causes rejection if you see trousers, panties on a girl that are hanging, holding on to the coccyx, and before that you see panties - guys, why Should I admire someone else's underwear? I have a question. And why should I have other women's panties before my eyes - I don't like it, it's unpleasant for me. Here, for most men, especially of mature age, this is the feeling. For young men - you know, I want to say to these girls: girls, they simply don’t pay attention to you, they are so used to it that it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. This only works in one direction - you unconsciously make it clear that you are overly available. Do you need this?

Wealth of a man

We must understand that we are in an unhealthy, sick, capitalist society where everyone is trying to sell everything. Because of this, all these drugs are money, this is also a lot of money. What is a drug for a man? A stimulator, any stimulant, there are many of them, I will not advertise, any simulator is a horizon, you will not keep up with the horizon, but you will break psychologically. I ate this pill, and - oh, how you liked it, and how she liked it, and how everything seems to be fine. But this is artificial, this is a prosthesis, this is an artificial situation, you will never keep up with it, but you will remember it, and memory is a dangerous thing. On the one hand, you will remember, and the next time you go on a date with your own beloved woman who has known you for a long time, and you will take this very last bullet in your pocket. And you will drink it, you will definitely drink it, because you want to be the same again - this is a road to nowhere, this is a kind of drug. I'm talking about the medical aspect of solvency: no, well, what are you. After all, the fact is that our women do not love us, not because of our problems, and not because sometimes we are, in general, not at our best, but because we, ask like a fool we’re rushing through the door with this problem, ‒ that’s why they don’t like us, that’s how it seems to me, you can correct me. It seems to me that you do not like us for this. By the way, there is not a single man - not a single one, so that at least once in his life he has not experienced a fiasco in bed. There isn't one. The reasons are different: he came late from work, he was tired, he was shaking, - it’s not known how. And what are we? And we: let's try? Here again we return to the same first question: let's try? Well, I tried - it didn’t work out, and I came to an andrologist. Here, it seems to me, something like this.

Failure is not the point. Insolvency ... What is a man insolvent? In general, if he is a man, he is always wealthy, in every sense, no matter who he works for - it doesn’t matter if he is a janitor or who knows who. If he is a real man, he is wealthy. I remember when I was a young man once, in 1979 it was, if my memory serves me right: I was given a plot for a garage, the plot was flooded with water (a swamp is a terrible thing). I came, I looked - what should I do? Nothing is impossible. A young guy (the same as me at that time) arrives on an excavator, says: “Doctor, the eyes are afraid - the hands are doing it.” And so I looked at how this guy, and I was already operating at that time, how this guy took out layer after layer with this big bucket, he was so wealthy - this filthy, thin boy with a cigarette in his mouth .

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