My friend is a narcissist

7 Indicators of a Narcissistic Friend

Medically reviewed by Scientific Advisory Board — By Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC on July 19, 2019

Dawn ran into the grocery store to grab a few things after a long day of work when she bumped into a friend. Where have you been? Its so good to see you? her friend inquired.

You know work, family, kids. Weve been so busy lately, Dawn quickly replied while knowing that what she said was wrong. Unable to examine it at that moment she put the thought out of her head until she was alone in her car.

Why hadnt she seen her friend? How long had it been? Just then her friend Barb came to mind. Barb had dominated so much of her time lately with large amounts of drama in her life. There were dozens of text messages daily, phone conversations on the way to and from work, late-night drinks, and random drop overs. Dawn was so consumed by Barbs life that she had no time for other friends and less time for her family. So, she decided to confront Barb to set a more realistic boundary.

Barb immediately blamed Dawns husband for the confrontation saying that he didnt understand their close bond. When Dawn said no, that it came from a passing commend of another friend, Barb insisted on knowing the details and then slammed the friend for being jealous. Then, Dawn tried to express that this was her decision. Barb replied, Fine, abandon me, just like everyone else, I always knew you would.

Confused by the interaction, Dawn shutdown trying to pacify Barb. Within minutes, Dawn gave up on her boundaries and gave into Barbs demands substituting her need for space with Barbs need for attention. Barb changed direction again, now becoming charming, talking about how important Dawn was to her and that she is the closest friend she ever had.

If this sounds familiar, you might have a narcissistic friend. Here are seven indicators:

Has unreasonable expectations. The narcissist expects their friend to meet all of their emotional needs. A friend is required to anticipate what, how, and when the narcissist needs admiration and adoration. This is a one-way street where the friend gives support, the narcissist takes, and there is no return. In addition, the narcissists appetite is not satisfied, the more the friend gives, the more that is expected.
Blames, projects, and guilt-trips. The narcissist projects their negative characteristics onto their friend. The narcissist says the friend is needy, never satisfied, ungrateful, doesnt apologize, selfish, and has unreasonable expectations. They might also belittle their friend by pointing out their flaws in front of others, taking a minor infraction and turning it into a major event, and highlighting intelligence gaps so the narcissist looks superior. Yet others have not verbalized any such complaints about the friend.
Is very jealous. The narcissist is jealous of anyone or thing that has the friends attention over them. This includes spouses, children, pets, friends, family, and occupation. They will frequently demand attention at the same time the friend is engaged with someone else, talking on the phone, working on a project, or doing an activity with others. Their jealousy triggers intense rage for which the friend is subsequently blamed.
Does an abusive cycle. The narcissist will provoke the friend to leave by being cruel and/or abusive during an argument. This accomplishes two things: it verifies that the friend will, in fact, one day abandon the narcissist and it sets the narcissist up to be the victim. Either way, the narcissist has gained more ammunition to use against their friend. The narcissist will not take any responsibility for the aggravation.
Does abusive behavior. The narcissist punishes the friend with abuse or neglect. The abuse can be physical (breaking valuables), emotional (guilt-tripping), financial (expecting the friend to pay), sexual (shaming), spiritual (used God to justify), verbal (name-calling), or mental (twisting the truth). Or they will withhold love, attention, support, and communication. There is nothing unconditional about their love, it is very performance-driven. Trying to address the abuse is like pouring gasoline onto a fire.
Uses threatening behavior. The narcissist threatens abandonment, exposure, or rejection if the friend wont comply with their wishes. Most likely, the friend has one or more of these insecurities, which is why the narcissist targeted them for friendship in the first place. These fears tend to keep a person in the relationship longer. Most of this type of behavior is triggered when the narcissist believes that they are entitled to something that they dont have. Its a form of an adult temper tantrum.
Faked remorse. The narcissist uses remorse as a manipulation tool. Real remorse takes time to implement in order for trust to be regained. The narcissist will expect an immediate return to the same level of trust as before. Any mention of the past behavior will incite the narcissist and they will claim the friend is being unforgiving. This, of course, justifies them doing the action again.

Once Dawn identified her friend Barb as a narcissist, she was able to be firmer on her boundaries. Since Barb was unwilling to admit to any wrongdoing and averse to changing her behavior, Dawn made the decision to end the friendship. This brought its own challenges, but in the end, she was able to move forward in a healthy manner.

11 Signs Of A Narcissistic Friend And How To Deal With Them

A narcissistic friend is someone who will constantly pull you back — distance yourself from the toxicity.

Image: iStock

Friends are the family you choose, and they are the first ones to pick you up when you fall. However, having a narcissist friend can drain your energy and take you on an emotional roller coaster ride.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) makes people selfish, self-centered and demanding (1). A narcissist person has a pathological attachmentⁱXA form of attachment characterized by compulsive care giving and care seeking to an idealistic self-image they have created. A narcissist friend belittles you in front of others, bullies you, and makes fun of you to garner people’s attention. They always demand more, use you for their benefit, and never miss a chance to manipulate you. Recognizing and understanding these traits can prove to be a helpful tool for having more wholesome relationships. It can also help you evaluate whether they fit into your life.

In this post, we list out several telltale signs of a narcissistic friend and give you a few tips on how to deal with them.

11 Signs Of A Narcissistic Friend

How do narcissists treat their friends? Narcissists are insecure people who thrive on others’ insecurities. Look out for the signs of a narcissistic friend.

1. They backbite

Gossip is one thing, while passing mean comments on every person in their absence is another. A narcissist suffers from a superiority complex. They do not have anything nice to say about anyone, not even their own friends. If they speak ill of people who are nice to them, be rest assured that they must be speaking badly about you too. A narcissist demands your loyalty but thinks nothing of betraying your trust.

Related: 27 Irreplaceable And Important Qualities Of A Good Friend

2. They exhibit entitled behavior

For a narcissist, the entire world revolves around them. So, if they do something for you, they expect you to show gratitude by doing something in return, and if you don’t, they get angry about it. For instance, if they accompany you to someplace, they will expect you to be at their beck and call because they took the effort to be there for you. They want to be the sole object of their attention and admiration.

3. They blame you for their faults

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Anything that goes wrong with them is blamed on you because they think they can never go wrong. They have grandioseⁱXAn exaggerated sense of one’s abilities and strengths ideas of being perfect and deflect blame to maintain their facade of perfection. They also need a scapegoatⁱXA person who is falsely blamed for someone else’s mistakes to push the blame on and usually choose the one who is the most emotionally attached and loyal to them. For instance, at a movie theater, they might blame you for not picking better seats but will not mention that their late arrival was the reason why you could not get to the theater sooner.

4. They cannot digest criticism

Narcissists are highly attuned to perceived criticismsⁱXThe level of criticism in a person's most intimate and meaningful relationships and threats. As a friend, if you try to correct a narcissist, they might get angry and even accuse you of trying to put them down. For instance, if you tell them you didn’t like something about their outfit, they will shut you down either by saying that you have no dress sense or that you are jealous. They feel they cannot be wrong; hence your suggestions do not matter.

Related: 25 Signs Of A Toxic Friend & Ways To Deal With Their Friendship

5. They see your flaws with a magnifier

When you became friends, they must have said great things about you. But now, all they do is criticize every single thing you do. Initially, they behaved nicely because they wanted to get in your good books.They will go to great lengths to get your approval and adoration, but once they have made a place for themselves in your life, they start controlling you by manipulating you. They might even criticize you for stealing your confidence.

Did you know?

Narcissistic friends are opportunists and manipulative. They use other people and go to any lengths to fulfill their wants and needs.

6. They expect you to see things from their perspective

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A narcissist has only one perspective, and that is their own. No matter how much you try to make them understand your side of the story, they will only be convinced of what they believe and expect you to follow the same. They want everything to be according to their wishes, and when you do not give in, they get angry with you. They are shocked and insulted when they realize that you may not want the same things as them.

Related: 34 Subtle Signs She Likes You More Than A Friend

7. They drain off your energy

Initially, spending time with your narcissist friend could have been exciting because they were on their best behavior with you. But now, keeping them company drains you of your energy. Their constant complaints and lack of interest in your life make conversations one-sided. They talk to you only about themselves and cut you off each time you try to speak. A good friendship involves giving and taking ideas, thoughts, and feelings, but hanging out with a narcissist leaves you exhausted instead of exhilarated. You end up with a nagging sense of disappointment because your needs go completely unmet.

8. They create problems between friends

Narcissists want to be the center of everyone’s attention and demand everyone’s loyalty. For this, they might create misunderstandings between friends so that everyone remains loyal only to them. Narcissists are pathological liarsⁱXA chronic behavior where an individual has a compulsive urge to lie and could spread rumors and lie to get what they want as they feel they deserve admiration and hence will do anything to get what they want.

9. They hamper your self-esteem

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A narcissist wants to control every relationship. Since they suffer from low self-esteem, the only way to lift themselves is by crumpling your self-esteem. They take great pleasure in pointing out your shortcomings. They start with criticism and then slowly move on to slights and insults. You won’t even realize how they have convinced you to believe that you are no good as a person and that you are lucky to have them in your life.

10. They consider themselves victim

They may make snideⁱXSarcastic criticism remarks about you all the time but when you get back at them, they will accuse you harming them. For narcissists, they are the victim even in scenarios that they created. They have a strong urge to keep people within their control and if guilt makes others dance to their tune, then they use it to their advantage.

11. They get angry if you do not do what they want

Compromise makes no sense to a narcissist because they want everything their way. So, when you have differences, they want you to either do what they suggest or face their fury. They believe they are always right and hence insist on doing what they suggest and reject your opinion right away.

Related: 15 Types Of Friends You Need To Have Throughout Your Life

How To Deal With A Narcissistic Friend?

If your friend shows most of the signs mentioned above, it indicates their narcissistic tendencies. Below are some ways in which you can deal with such a friend.

1. Establish boundaries

Narcissists cannot handle boundaries. They feel they are privileged enough to be above everything else. But to safeguard your self-esteem, create clear boundaries that they cannot cross. Be specific and consistent about what kind of behavior is acceptable to you and what is not. So, it is okay not to seek their opinion about something you know they might criticize. Avoid their company when you know they are going to whine about something.

2. Don’t let them guilt-trip you

Narcissists enjoy making people squirm. In the past, they may have reminded you of your mistake and made you do something for them as a way to repent. If they do it frequently, then it’s time to bring it to a halt. Tell them they can’t hold you responsible for something that happened unintentionally. They may get angry, but it is important to know that they cannot control you. Stand your ground and don’t allow yourself to be manipulated.

3. Don’t try to outdo them

A friend with narcissistic tendencies could get mean to you now and then. However, you do not have to give it back to them because they will sooner or later. So, try to be nice to them despite their bitter words. And, when it gets too much to handle, walk away from them instead of saying something you might regret later.

4. Massage their ego when needed

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Narcissists can be unreasonable and difficult when they know you need them to behave in a particular manner in a particular situation. In such a situation, it is okay to praise them falsely to boost their inflated ego, so they cooperate with you. They feel the need to be admired, so they use flattery to calm them down when they are displeased about something. But remember to use this tactic sparingly. It’s a stop-gap arrangement and not a long-term solution.

5. Suggest seeking professional help

Narcissists suffer from psychological issues that even they may not be aware of. They need to seek help from a qualified professional to control their self-centered behavior. But do not be blunt and advise them to seek help. Instead, be subtle and suggest that they go to a counselor to work upon their negative traits.

Related: 21 Most Obvious Signs Your Friend Doesn't Respect You

How To End A Friendship With A Narcissist?

Narcissists, too, are people with feelings and emotions just like any of us. Their psychological condition should not be a reason to cut ties and isolate them. However, despite trying everything, if their inconsiderate behavior towards you does not change, put some distance to preserve your sanity and mental well-being.

Here are some ways to stay away from a toxic friendship with a narcissist.

Instead of cutting all ties with your narcissistic friend, limit your interaction with them. Meet them only occasionally so that their negative energy does not overwhelm you.
Focus your energy on your ambitions and goals. Do not let them control you.
Don’t let them exploit you. Put in only as much effort and energy into your friendship as much as you get out of it. Maintain a healthy balance.
A narcissist will maintain a friendship with you for only as long as they get to manipulate you. When you don’t do as per their willing, they will cut you off from their lives.
If their toxic behavior overwhelms you, do not hesitate to block them from your life. They are too egoistic to chase you and will find your replacement in no time.

Image: Shutterstock

1. Can a narcissist be a good friend?

A narcissist can be a good friend if they acknowledge their behavioral pattern and try to work on them. Friendship with a narcissist might also work if you set clear boundaries and abide by them strictly.

2. What happens when you ignore a narcissist friend?

When ignored, a narcissistic friend might become enraged. They may attempt to grab your attention by being their unusual self. This behavior might include being vulnerable, toxic, or ignorant.

Maintaining a long-lasting relationship with a narcissist friend can be vexing. They may hamper your self-esteem and self-confidence. You can check out the signs mentioned above to identify a narcissistic person. If you notice these signs in your friend, try the tips mentioned above to help you deal with them. However, if the situation does not improve after all the efforts you make, step back from the friendship. Ensure you choose your mental health over a friendship with someone who does not deserve you.

Key Pointers

A selfish friend can bully or show less importance to you in front of others to gain attention.
Demarcating clear boundaries and suggesting professional psychological help are some of the effective ways to handle a narcissistic friend.
Despite trying everything, if you don’t see any change in their tendencies, limit your correspondence with them and don’t allow them to take advantage of you.

References:

MomJunction's articles are written after analyzing the research works of expert authors and institutions. Our references consist of resources established by authorities in their respective fields. You can learn more about the authenticity of the information we present in our editorial policy.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder; Help Guide;
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm

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6 implicit signs of a friend-narcissist | PSYCHOLOGIES

A man among people

1.

He is constantly in the position of a victim

Such a person is never satisfied - there is always something that makes him unhappy and makes him suffer. And this state is not feigned: recent research confirms that the key to understanding the nature of narcissism is not an “inflated ego” at all, but a sense of vulnerability, insecurity inherent in such people.

However, instead of doing something to change the situation and stop feeling vulnerable, such people turn into chronic victims. They demand attention and care from others, expect others to solve their problems, and sincerely believe that their suffering is unique.

And you, as a friend of the narcissist, most likely really empathize with him and strive to help. And you feel absolutely terrible leaving the narcissist alone and even more so leaving the relationship with him.

2. He often blames you for something

… and you feel guilty even if you did nothing wrong. You are ashamed if you choose yourself. And if you don’t drop everything and don’t rush to the rescue.

A narcissist friend is also a master of the art of gaslighting: he manipulates you, makes you doubt reality and your own adequacy, denying the facts and assuring you that you made it all up.

3. He acts passive-aggressive

Many of us act like this at least once in a while when we are tired, exhausted or on edge, but for the narcissist it is a way to dominate others. Considering himself special, the narcissist believes that he should get whatever he wants and has the right to "punish" anyone who disagrees with him or questions his authority.

A narcissistic friend most likely finds it possible to play tricks on you in the presence of others and assert himself in every possible way at your expense.

4. He is sensitive to criticism

Of course, not all of us who are offended by criticism are narcissists: we all get hurt if others, for example, speak negatively about the results of our work. However, the narcissist takes absolutely all statements personally, takes even generalized comments to heart, and at the same time is completely unprepared to change and develop - in his opinion, he is already perfection itself.

The narcissist prefers to tell others how good and competent he is, rather than proving it in action. And, as mentioned earlier, his favorite way to rise up is to bring others down.

5. He is emotionally deaf

Have you ever had a friend take care of you, your physical or psychological condition? Came to help, supported? If not, it's worth considering: you may be friends with a narcissist.

The attention of such a person is always focused on himself: his problems, desires, plans, future. He is hardly even interested in what you want to achieve in life, what you dream about, what you are going through now. Communication with him is always a one-sided game. Because you are not an equal to a narcissist, not a close person, but only a means to achieve goals.

And at the same time, the narcissist cannot bear the neglect of his problems and, when he feels bad, does not allow himself to be left alone.

6. He does not feel the boundaries of others

Especially if you do not give him what he expects from you. You must be in touch 24 hours, 7 days a week, drop your business and rush at the first call. At the same time, this state of affairs is formed gradually, naturally and imperceptibly, and before you realize that you are completely "absorbed" and you have lost your autonomy, it takes quite a long time.

And of course, the narcissist will not allow you to be happier or more successful than him, in which case he will pull you back to himself, to his own level. He must always be one step ahead of you in everything.

***

Almost every one of us has narcissistic character traits, but a real narcissist is categorically incapable of working on himself and taking on at least some responsibility. He does not want and cannot invest in relationships and care about others and their feelings.

The only way to interact with him is to build and maintain rigid boundaries. However, in this case, the narcissist friend will most likely lose interest in you soon.

Text: Yulia Tarasenko Photo Source: Getty Images

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Narcissists: who are they, signs of narcissism, rules of behavior

Article reviewed and commented by clinical psychologist and researcher Kristina Andreyuk.

Who is
How to recognize
Men and women
Types
Treatment
How to communicate
How to leave

Who is a narcissist?

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Narcissism is a feature of the psyche in which a person perceives himself as a unique individual, considers himself better than others, which is not always true. In fact, these traits are present in the character of many people. In a healthy personality, they result in ambition and a desire to please. But under a certain scenario, laid down in childhood, such behavior can turn into a pathology, which is often accompanied by other diagnoses, such as bipolar disorder and depression.

Contrary to popular belief, people with narcissistic personality disorder do not like themselves very much. Rather, they admire their grandiose projection, which allows them to close gaps in their own self-esteem. Such protection allows narcissists to avoid deep feelings and self-doubt. A person with this disorder does not tolerate minimal criticism, he perceives remarks as a personal insult and is able to throw a tantrum if someone refuses to admire him. You can check how narcissistic traits are characteristic of you or your partner using the NPI questionnaire [1]. The more positive answers a person gives to statements from the list compiled by American psychologists and researchers Robert Raskin and Howard Terry, the more narcissistic features appear in him. Meeting people with a true personality disorder is not easy. According to various sources, their number in society varies from 1 to 6%.

How to recognize a narcissist?

According to the American psychiatrists' handbook "Diagnostical and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders" [2], there are nine signs of narcissistic personality disorder. If at least five of these are present, a doctor may suspect a disorder. Usually such a person:

Has an inflated sense of self-importance. He often exaggerates his achievements and talents. Expects people to admire his actions, even if they were minor. If the narcissist organized the cleaning of the yard, then at least the district newspaper should write about it.
Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, beauty, or ideal love. To each new partner, the narcissist can say that he is the love of his life or wait for him to fulfill his fantasies. The beginning of such a relationship is a magical, but short period. In work, the narcissist, according to him, is a genius. If he has not been able to achieve great results, he is simply sure that success lies ahead of him, even if it is time for him to retire.
Believes that he is not like others and has few equals. Therefore, the environment must match. The narcissist chooses “special” people as friends and partners, for example, with high social status or model appearance. Thus, he seems to reflect himself through them, because his problems are unique and can only be understood by special people. Narcissists like to be associated with big brands, whether it be in their work projects or clothing choices.
Requires constant attention, recognition and admiration, even if you just took out the trash or cooked dinner.
Absolutely sure that everyone owes him. Expectations for other people are usually very high. Close people are obliged to fulfill the requests of the narcissist at the first call.
Uses other people to achieve his own goals. For him, it goes without saying. The narcissist is not used to sincerely thanking for services and does it only within the framework of the accepted ethical norm.
He has difficulty experiencing empathy. Such people are not able to draw a parallel between their feelings and the feelings of others. Therefore, the narcissist does not even think about when he hurts someone. Very often, this behavior is mistaken for abuse by partners of narcissists. In fact, he may be concerned with how to hide the shame of his failure and not lose his greatness.
Often jealous of others and believes that others envy him. In the latter case, it is by this circumstance that the narcissist explains the criticism of others in his address.
Arrogant towards other people. Such a person absolutely sincerely believes that he is better than others, and other people's shortcomings are an excellent reason to assert himself.

To decide to end a relationship with a narcissist, write down the reasons for breaking up and keep the list with you

Men and women are narcissists disorder in one form or another, men are more likely to be affected by this disorder than women. The data were collected over a period of 30 years, and the percentage ratio between the sexes did not change much during this time [3].

In doing so, the researchers noted two important points. First, male narcissists were more likely than females to exploit others and believe they were entitled to certain privileges. Secondly, men were more likely to seek power. Scientists explain this by the fact that until recently, leadership qualities did not meet the criteria for femininity. According to one of the authors of the study, Emily Griyalva, girls are more often criticized for aggressiveness and authoritarianism. Thus, society unconsciously suppressed manifestations of narcissistic behavior [4].

As regards vanity and striving for a bright self-presentation, in this respect there was no significant difference between men and women.

Types of narcissists and how they are formed

There are different approaches to the formation of narcissism, including studies that allow for genetic influence, but this is not a decisive factor in the formation of personality.

In 1914, Sigmund Freud stated that children somehow go through a stage of primary narcissism. He believed that this was an intermediate stage of growing up, but later he singled out other forms of narcissism, to a greater extent associated with mental disorders.

Neuro-Freudian Karen Horney argued that the development of such character traits may be due to the fact that parents in various ways pushed the child to create psychological protection. For example, they could delegate the embodiment of their ambitions or rejected the real manifestations of the child, instilling a sense of inferiority.

The contribution of parental figures to the formation of narcissistic disorder is also noted by psychotherapist and researcher Otto Kernberg. He compares narcissism with a false prop that a person erects in order to receive from others the admiration and confidence that he did not receive from his parents in childhood and cannot give himself in adulthood [5].

In the book of psychologist Elinor Greenberg "Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: the pursuit of Love Admiration and Safety" [6], the author divides narcissists into three types:

Open, or grandiose. Embodied stereotype. A bright character illustrating this feature of development and behavior. His whole being screams, "Look at me." This childish behavior indicates that a person is stuck at an age when adults pay a lot of attention to the child, praise him excessively, suggest that he is special, forgetting to teach him empathy.
Hidden or depressive. Such people can grow up in families where one of the relatives, including mother or father, was a narcissist. At the same time, there was a high level of competition for love and attention. On the one hand, children copied the behavior model of narcissistic parents, on the other hand, such a child formed protective mechanisms, since an adult narcissist would certainly assert himself at his expense. Growing up, such people may not openly say that they are special. They would rather choose a person, a book, an object and exalt their virtues. Thus, the narcissist puts them on a par with himself. In personal relationships, such people do not like direct conflicts. Their weapon is passive aggression. A favorite technique is to promise and not deliver, and then blame the other person for everything. They tend to be insecure, and ambivalent behavior often leads them to depression.
Perverse or toxic. Such people go even further. They love not only admiration, but also submission. Narcissists of this type love to wreak havoc around themselves, the same that reigned in their childhood in relationships with their parents. These narcissists often give their partners an emotional rollercoaster of humiliation and praise. They take pleasure in destroying other people's careers, destroying people morally and spiritually.

Mixed representatives of these types also exist.

Treatment for narcissism

Most often, narcissists don't even suspect that something is wrong with them, because they don't tend to blame themselves for anything. So if such people were seen by a specialist, then the reason for this could be related problems: depression, bipolar disorder, or excessive alcohol consumption. There is no cure for narcissism yet. Psychotherapy has a positive effect on such patients. Properly structured classes can help a person establish relationships with loved ones, learn to withstand criticism, stop despising themselves and others, set realistic goals and achieve them, and not dream of sky-high heights [7].

Although there is no cure for narcissism yet, psychotherapy has a positive effect

How to communicate with a narcissist?

Building an even relationship with a narcissist is not always easy. Some prefer to just cut them off. But what if this is not possible? Let's say that person is a family member or ex-husband/wife with whom you have children in common.

The first thing psychologists advise is to try to detach yourself emotionally. Ignore toxic statements and manipulations. It is useless to expect sudden changes in behavior from such people. According to research, narcissists do not tend to learn from their own mistakes simply because they are sure they did not make them [8].
Your personal boundaries are your guard against the actions of a narcissist. “This won’t happen to me anymore”, “I won’t fall for these manipulations” - phrases that will help to avoid an unpleasant conversation or intrusive requests of a narcissist. You can't wait for a response.
The shortest answers, conditionally "yes" and "no", are your main allies in a dialogue with such a person if he began to resort to manipulation. By minimizing communication, you give him much less reason to hook on to some phrase and launch an attack.
Stick to the topic of conversation and don't get sidetracked. Perhaps your counterpart will try to knock you out of the saddle with accusations or get personal. In this case, the phrase “We are going off topic” will help bring the discussion back on track.
Compliments. If you really need to get something out of a narcissist, don't be stingy with praise. Most likely, he will even enjoy fulfilling your request. Yes, this is manipulation, but who said that only a narcissist can use this technique?

How to get away from a narcissist

The end of a relationship is never easy. With a narcissist, breaking up can be doubly difficult. For him, the fact that he was abandoned is an intolerable insult. That is why he will try by hook or by crook to bring the partner back. During this period, he will become sensitive and gentle, will swear eternal love and will do this until his victim loses his vigilance. Often, therefore, relationships with a narcissist develop into a cycle of breaks and reunions. Nevertheless, if you decide to put an end to your communication, psychologists recommend the following:

Write down the reasons why you want to leave. It's best to keep this list around in case the narcissist decides to drag you back into the relationship by talking about eternal love.
Give up illusions. It is difficult for such people to change, especially without the help of a specialist. Do you have time to wait until he finally learns to show empathy and respect?
Disconnect all contacts. Ask a friend to pick up your belongings from the narcissist. Block this person in all phones and messengers. If you have children in common, at first ask someone close to you to be with you at general meetings.
Let go of your feelings. Breaking up, even with a toxic person, is always hard. Give yourself time to get over this situation. Just don't expect the narcissist to suffer in return. Most likely, during this period, he will try to restore his shattered ego and will choose not the most pleasant ways for this: either he will tell everyone what a bad person you are, or seek solace in the arms of someone else.

There are nine signs of narcissism, but five signs can already be suspected of it

Kristina Andreyuk, clinical psychologist, researcher. Research interests: mentalization, manipulative behavior, personality disorders

In addition to family relationships, external factors can also enhance narcissistic traits. Media and social networks broadcast often unattainable ideals, and self-improvement services are imposed by advertising. All this can affect the psyche.

In "normal narcissism" people try to please others, to achieve success in work, which helps them to adapt in society. However, in the case of pathology, a person's ideas about themselves are distorted. In this case, the emphasis is on the grandiosity of his figure. He experiences difficulties in forming adequate ideas about other people, abuses manipulations, grossly violates the boundaries of the interlocutor and ignores his comfort. Narcissistic features can manifest themselves in pathological perfectionism, hypochondria, constant attempts to correct their "flaws", including, for example, transforming one's appearance as the most noticeable attribute of self-presentation for others.

On the surface, narcissists give the impression of being rather pleasant people. According to research, many socially active narcissists have charisma, know how to hold an audience, are not afraid to express themselves, appear self-confident, and have high claims regarding academic and professional achievements. These qualities often show up in job interviews and help narcissists get into leadership positions. However, such bosses may use too subjective criteria when evaluating employees, focusing not on their professional achievements, but on the degree of admiration, devotion, and the absence of doubts about the correctness of the leader's decisions.

Close relationships are difficult for narcissists. In partners and friends, they are primarily looking for confirmation of their exclusivity, superiority (which reinforces vulnerable self-esteem). Often, such people confuse the attachment that accompanies healthy partnerships and collaborations with the addiction that can shackle and inspire fear. The demands of constant adoration and recognition of their grandiosity, which the narcissist often implements in the form of excessive control over the thoughts and feelings of a partner, in most cases, sooner or later are not fully satisfied, which leads to conflicts and increased manipulative behavior.

If you have found any manifestations of narcissistic traits in yourself and want to change them, then it will be useful for you to develop the skills of self-reflection, mentalization (understanding mental states), work on the development of emotional intelligence, empathy (for example, discuss with friends the films you have watched, read books in terms of understanding the inner world of the characters, their motivation, etc.). It is very important to learn to analyze what is happening from different positions, without sliding into extreme points, such as, for example, idealization and depreciation - look for alternative explanations. Try to look at situations or actions from different angles, noting the possible positive aspects of seemingly negative events, including during conversations with loved ones.

If your loved one has narcissistic traits, you need to learn how to track the emotional states of both you and your interlocutor. It is necessary to soberly analyze situations of interpersonal communication.

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