How to get through emotional pain

7 Strategies to Cope With Emotional Pain

Emotional pain can feel as present and overwhelming as physical pain. Even if challenging, healing is possible.

Painful emotions are real. They exist on a scale of intensity and can come from seemingly small losses to life-altering tragedies.

Depression and grieving can cause you to experience emotional pain, too.

While sadness can be a part of emotional pain, many other persistent emotions are associated with it, including:

• despair
• anguish
• feelings of emptiness
• anger
• hopelessness

Getting through emotional pain can feel unlikely when you’re feeling it intensely. But it’s possible, and you can find relief.

Emotional pain is real. What you feel is valid.

Research from 2020 suggests emotional pain activates the same regions of the brain that are associated with physical pain. The experience is very similar to injuring your body.

Just as you might consider seeing a healthcare team when physical pain becomes unbearable, sometimes emotional pain requires the same level of assessment.

Speaking with a professional can help when painful emotions:

• make it challenging to complete daily tasks
• interrupt joyous occasions
• impair basic levels of function
• impact your relationship with yourself and others

Support is available.

In addition to professional help, you can also implement techniques that help you deal with emotional pain as you experience it.

The idea is to try to focus on the things you can control or how you might address pain as it happens.

1. Try to avoid false beliefs that lead to more suffering

According to Steven M. Sultanoff, a clinical psychologist and professor from Irvine, California, sadness can evolve into intense emotional pain or depression when a loss is followed by negative thoughts.

Sultanoff calls these thoughts “after the comma” beliefs because they tend to form after the event that led you to hurt.

“With the death of your partner, you think, ‘My life will never be the same,’” he says. This, indeed, can be true for you, and it’s a natural reaction to a significant loss.

But sometimes, your thoughts can fuel your emotional distress if you rely on assumptions or generalizations that may not be based on evidence.

For example, thinking that you can never be happy again might be what you feel at the moment, and it’s valid. But this is something you don’t know will happen.

Sultanoff explains that dwelling on this type of thought could lead you to experience even more intense emotional pain.

By becoming aware and reassessing the negative thoughts that come from your pain, you may be able to cope.

2. Putting a name to what you’re feeling may offer relief

Putting feelings into words, often referred to as “labeling,” may help diminish the intensity of negative emotions.

A 2007 brain imaging study, part of a series of research efforts into the benefits of labeling emotions, found that expressing what you feel in words activates areas of the brain that can slow down the emotional cascade.

Try labeling emotions in spaces such as:

• private conversations with friends and family
• sharing your experiences with a support group
• talking to your pet
• journaling

The idea is that you describe how you feel as much as possible. For example, you could say, “My chest is heavy, and I feel vulnerable and confused.”

You might also want to ask others to help you create a circle of grief. This can allow you to vent while getting the support you need.

3. Consider mindfulness-based practices

Mindfulness is being fully present and aware of yourself and your surroundings. The concept can be applied to various everyday activities, from meditation to eating.

When you’re feeling emotional pain, you can acknowledge the thoughts and behaviors you’re experiencing. Then, try letting them go calmly.

Overall, research suggests a correlation between cultivating mindfulness in your life and maintaining a sense of mental well-being.

As it relates to managing physical and emotional pain, mindfulness has been identified as an effective method to handle both.

You can practice mindfulness at your own pace during key moments of the day, such as:

• waking up
• sitting by yourself
• completing any task
• waiting (at a doctor’s office, traffic light, making morning coffee)

This means that you’d focus on what surrounds you in the moment or on every detail of what you’re doing. This helps keep at bay thoughts that may fuel your emotional pain.

As part of your mindfulness practice, you can also try grounding exercises. These can help you step away from negative thoughts and intense emotional pain to focus for a moment on your physical sensations.

Painful emotions aren’t always relentlessly intense. You may feel less distressed for periods only to become overwhelmed again when you face painful reminders.

“Emotional pain […] can occur whenever reality fails to live up to the hopes many people entertain over time,” says Romeo Vitelli, a psychologist in Toronto and consultant for Mom Loves Best.

“Major life crises, [like the] death of a family member, divorce or breakup, job loss, or even day-to-day hassles, can all contribute to emotional pain over time,” he adds.

Sometimes emotional pain can’t be easily managed with everyday coping strategies. Vitelli recommends considering more structured approaches to managing emotional pain in the long run.

1. Guided mindfulness

Besides engaging in mindfulness exercises, consider seeking the support of a professional setting. The help of a mindfulness or mental health expert can support your healing process.

These mental health therapy approaches may help you practice guided mindfulness to release and overcome emotional pain:

• acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT)
• mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR)
• mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT)
• group meditation

2. Traditional therapy approaches

In addition to guided mindfulness interventions, you may also benefit from other forms of mental health support.

Vitelli notes cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and emotionally focused therapy (EFT) are two effective options for managing emotional pain.

CBT is “usually considered the gold standard for most therapists,” Vitelli says. “[It] can help people [with] emotional pain work through their dysfunctional beliefs and develop healthier ways of thinking.”

Depending on the cause of your emotional pain, some medications such as antidepressants and mood stabilizers may also help you manage your emotions.

“It is typically a short-term solution for most people as they develop better-coping methods,” says Vitelli.

3. Lifestyle medicine

Lifestyle medicine refers to addressing core life habits that can help improve physical and psychological health.

It’s a concept generally consisting of practices that encourage:

• balanced eating
• active living
• weight management
• emotional regulation

A large body of research supports the benefits of lifestyle medicine.

Sultanoff and Vitelli also recommend it to work through emotional pain.

“Exercise regularly,” says Vitelli. “While this isn’t always an option for people dealing with physical pain, physiotherapy classes, aqua fitness, and other forms of healthy exercise recommended by your doctor can help with emotional pain as it occurs.”

You can incorporate aspects of lifestyle medicine through activities such as:

• yoga
• meditation
• dance
• aromatherapy
• movement classes
• aerobic activity
• strength and conditioning

If you would like guided options for lifestyle medicine, consider discussing the topic with:

• physicians
• dieticians
• social workers
• behavioral therapists
• lifestyle coaches
• fitness coaches

4.

“Research supports that the experience of humor reduces emotional pain as it shifts how one feels, how one thinks, and creates bonds with others,” Sultanoff says. “There is strong evidence that three interventions of humor (emotional, cognitive, and social) reduce emotional pain.”

Laughing doesn’t mean you’re disregarding or disrespecting your pain or its cause. Try to look at it as medication to soothe your soul.

Humor and its therapeutic applications have been the source of study for decades.

Research has repeatedly found that humor increases physical pain tolerance through distraction. It also relieves psychological pain by reducing anxiety and preventing negative “after the comma” thoughts, also known as catastrophizing.

You might feel that humor is the last thing you can handle at the moment. That’s natural. However, consider “faking it until you make it.” You could start by exposing yourself to humorous situations or surrounding yourself with humorous people.

Emotional pain often goes beyond sadness and may involve other negative emotions such as despair, hopelessness, and anger.

Sometimes, managing emotional pain depends on what caused it. Grieving pain can sometimes decrease on its own with time. Other types of pain may require professional support.

Self-care can help you heal emotional pain. You can try learning mindfulness and grounding exercises, requesting support from friends, and labeling your emotions.

For long-term emotional pain, you may want to consider seeking the help of a professional who can support you with therapy techniques and medications.

how to relieve heartache and live happily? — 7spsy

08/05/2019 Author: Psychologist Pavel Horoshutin

“I don’t even know how to describe what I felt. Well, what could I say? "Something I'm in a lousy mood." But it's not even close to what it was in reality. It's like a funnel inside. Huge, constantly buzzing, sucking everything that happens around. Any joy sucks and leaves only pain and emptiness. Such pain that you want to scratch your chest and grab it, squeeze it so that it doesn’t hurt. Thoughts of only one thing, this fucking pain. Also, when will this all end? How to drown out such mental pain at least a little? And desire one. To live until the evening to go to bed. Sleep is the only salvation. I guess I still haven't really recovered."

— Marina, 34 years old

Mental pain can cause very severe suffering. Alas, relatives and friends cannot always support us, especially if the reason, in their opinion, is insignificant or not obvious. Instead of sympathy, you can run into accusations in the style of “you are mad with fat, there are children in Africa who are starving, you have nothing to worry about.” But it does hurt. And accusations often only increase the pain. How to escape from this trap? How to relieve pain and learn to feel joy and happiness again? This is what today's article is about.

Contents:

1. How does mental pain hurt?

• Pain can become habitual
• Experiences can lead to physical illness
• Experiences can lead to depression and similar illnesses

2. Why does it hurt so much?

• Causes of mental pain
• Signs of mental pain

3. How to survive mental pain?

When does mental pain become a habit?

4. How do you deal with severe emotional pain?

• You are much stronger than you think
• Find positive moments in what happened
• Be active, do not close yourself in yourself
• Take time for actions, not worries
• Use special help programs

What harms mental pain?

Constant worries in themselves cause discomfort and reduce the quality of life. But there are other, not always obvious consequences of prolonged mental pain.

1. Pain can become habitual

The way we react to circumstances can become habitual. We can habitually give up in case of failures, automatically engage in self-flagellation, out of inertia, worry at the slightest pretext. In fact, the brain gets used to such reactions and builds new neural connections to make it easier to worry and grieve. [1] And the more often and longer we experience and suffer, the easier it is given to us in the future.

“I've recently discovered that I'm used to reacting like this, throwing up my hands and worrying, to almost any situation. There was some trifle, and I immediately became discouraged. Although the situation itself is not worth a damn. Well, there, take a certificate to the pool. It is necessary to make a “flyura” and sign up with a therapist. Everything. And I'm like - oh, again I won't get into the pool, what the hell is this, everything is bad again. I sit and suffer. And then such evil took me. I got up, went and did everything. 1.5 hours spent in two visits. This tip has really blown my mind. I started to take care of myself and realized how quickly I give up, because I used to give up quickly. And I sit and worry that nothing works for me. Of course it doesn’t work, because I don’t even really try. ”

— Olga, 29 years old

2. Experiences can lead to physical illnesses

Prolonged stress — and our strong mental pain is stress — negatively affects the immune system, weakens it. [2] As a result, the body copes with diseases worse, susceptibility to infections increases, and the risk of cardiovascular diseases increases.

3. Experiences can lead to depression and similar illnesses

Prolonged mental pain in both girls and boys can lead to the development of depression, anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder. [3] These diseases are already difficult to cope with on their own, and most often require psychological and medical support.

Let's solve the problems of apathy and stress

Sign up for a consultation WATCH A VIDEO ABOUT THE SERVICE

Why does it hurt so much?

Ways to relieve pain largely depend on the cause. Therefore, first of all, you need to understand why it hurts in you? What or who causes you to hurt so much? Let's name some of the main reasons that lead to feelings and stress.

Causes of mental pain

All causes can be conditionally divided into 2 groups:

Group 1 - behavioral disorders and mental illness. These include fears, phobias, anxiety or depressive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, depersonalization, panic attacks, and other illnesses. These problems may require behavioral therapy, medication support, and psychiatric counseling. Be attentive to yourself and do not miss a serious illness.

“I don't know why I didn't ask for help. I knew that something was wrong with me. Well, it can’t, a person shouldn’t feel bad for a whole year every day. But it always seemed to me that I was inventing what it seemed to me, because a person can’t feel bad all the time ... I was afraid that I would come, and they would say to me: “What have you come for? Go home, feigner, you have nothing. ” And she was at home. I went when it became really bad, when I almost stopped sleeping. And, surprise, I'm not a faker. They gave me treatment. And it turned out that in life there are so many joyful and diverse emotions. And I just didn’t remember any of this…”0003

— Polina, 31 years old

2nd group — psychological reasons, conflicts between desired and reality, grief from loss. This can include separation and divorce, the death of loved ones, any problems in the family, difficulties with work and finances, low self-esteem and self-perception problems, heartache from betrayal, and much more. Conditions in this group can be managed without medication on your own or with the support of a psychologist.

In fact, there are no correct and objectively weighty reasons for experiencing - any events or problems can lead to mental pain. And you shouldn't feel guilty about what you're going through or because your emotions are too strong for someone else's standards.

“It's very difficult for me now. In my case, heartache mixed with resentment. So also friends ... I’ll clarify - former friends - itched all the time. “Forget it, you’re worried about garbage, everything was immediately clear, it’s your own fault, you should have looked better.” And I looked. And there were no signs. And love did not blind my eyes. And on her forehead "I'm cheating on the current with the former" was not written. Not everything can be predicted, and straws cannot be spread everywhere. But it still hurts. I was betrayed twice - by an ex-girlfriend and ex-friends.

— Oleg, 25 years old

Signs of mental pain

Mental pain is often accompanied by mood changes:

• sadness, melancholy;
• agitation, anxiety;
• apathy, depression;
• feeling of loneliness;
• absence of pleasant, “positive” emotions.

Also often mental pain gives very real physical sensations:

• pressure or pain in the head or chest;

• burning sensation in the chest, in the throat;
• feeling of a stone in the chest, heaviness on the shoulders, as if carrying a heavy load;
• abdominal pain or discomfort;
• nausea, dizziness, palpitations.

Mental pain or pain in the heart can be very severe and cause real suffering. Your feelings are not an illusion and not winding up. This is reality. But you can change this reality, you can help yourself and reduce the intensity of pain.

How to survive emotional pain?

Is there any way to permanently soothe the pain of the soul? Of course not. It is impossible to completely avoid pain. We will inevitably encounter situations that will cause us discomfort. We are living people and experience emotions that cannot be simply taken and turned off. Yes, this is not necessary. Emotions, including negative ones, help us adapt to difficult situations and accept the inevitable [4], and facing difficulties can help us become better and stronger.

“Very hot topic! Not so long ago, I had strong changes in my life, and I cried for a couple of days, and then it became so easy, as simple as it had never been. People try to feel sorry for me, they say: “Poor thing, how did you get rid of mental pain? Is it really hard for you?” “On the contrary, I feel strength and energy, gratitude for life. ”

— Yana, 22 years old

How is this possible? Studies show that many people experience post-traumatic growth as a result of facing difficult situations — losses, military actions, injuries and illnesses, accidents or dangerous situations in which they accidentally survived [5]:

• become stronger and more stable in the psychological sense;
• increased self-confidence;
• begin to appreciate what they have more;
• their relations with their relatives improve;
• they begin to see opportunities for their development.

There is only one "but" - this growth and development does not happen if we get stuck in negative emotions, if we think that we cannot cope with the situation. Experiences begin to accompany us constantly, absorb, occupy our whole life. Therefore, it is so important to be able to properly live the pain and not turn it into a habit.

When does mental pain become a habit?

How to understand that experiences get out of control and begin to turn into a habit? There are 5 signs that may alert you:

1. It is difficult for you to get distracted, switch to something else.
2. Your mental experiences last too long according to your own feelings.
3. You experience almost no joy in life.
4. You feel like this will never end.
5. You feel like you can't deal with this pain on your own.

If you have 2 or more symptoms, please do not wait for the pain to go away. Help her calm down.

How to deal with severe emotional pain?

If you can change a situation that causes suffering, then this is where you need to start. For example, if you have conflicts at work, plan a job change or try to get along with colleagues. If you are concerned about your self-esteem, pay attention to improving it. And so on. However, there are situations that we cannot change: divorce, loss of a loved one, betrayal. In this case, you should pay attention to your experiences. There are several ways to reduce their intensity and relieve pain.

1. You are much stronger than you think

Confidence that you will definitely have to feel bad and for a long time forms the habit of negatively evaluating events and prolongs the experience. In fact, the psyche is more like an elastic band than a fragile vase - it can bend, but then return to its previous level. Trust that you will get through this situation, even if it seems unrealistic right now.

2. Find positive things in what happened

An important condition for post-traumatic growth. [6] In any situation, you can see what makes you stronger or better. This does not mean that you should rejoice in your grief. What happened is painful. But this situation can help you understand yourself better. For example, miraculously avoiding death, you can learn to appreciate every day. Having parted with your loved one, direct your forces to your own development. Having avoided an attack, make sure of your own strength and stamina. And so on.

3. Be active, don't shut yourself up

There is no need to avoid socializing and lock yourself up at home. Heartache from love or loneliness is better relieved if you actively interact and communicate with other people. Any group physical activity [7], volunteering and helping other people will do.

4. Make Time for Actions, Not Worries

Research shows that focusing on your experiences makes a person feel worse and deprives him of vitality. [8] In contrast, shifting the focus of attention to actions helps to relieve mental pain. You shouldn’t completely forget about your feelings, but it’s better to think not about what it’s all for you, but about what to do next and what to do.

“I had just that case when instead of “how strong and resilient I am, I’m great that I didn’t lose my head and coped, and only thanks to myself I escaped from the rapist” I slipped into “poor, unfortunate me, how this happened to me.” Re-evaluation helped a lot to cope with the situation and move on without constant fear. ”

— Alena, 39 years old

5. Take advantage of special assistance programs

Pay attention to programs that help you cope with loss and cope with mental pain. These could be help groups in your city or bereavement programs. The choice will depend on the cause of your experiences.

For example, if you are looking for ways to deal with the pain of a breakup, then 7Spsy is a course designed to help people who are going through a divorce or breakup. Also in the article at the link there are several more ways that will help you survive separation and reduce mental pain.

If you are experiencing the death of a loved one, then the 7Spsy course will suit you, which will gently help you survive this loss and learn how to live again.

Let's solve the problems of apathy and stress

Book a Consultation WATCH A VIDEO ABOUT THE SERVICE

Both programs are designed to help you cope with loss, reduce heartache, and avoid becoming a habit. And most importantly, you will be able to find the strength in yourself for post-traumatic growth and continue to live a full life.

Remember, not always a person can cope with mental pain. Emotions can prevail over the mind, plunging into suffering. Therefore, if you feel that you cannot cope on your own or do not know how to remove mental pain, take care of yourself and seek help.

Sources:

1. Suffering is a habit (Yu. I. Aleksandrov, “Fundamentals of Psychophysiology”).
2. Stress weakens the immune system (https://www.apa.org/research/action/immune).
3. Stress can lead to depression, anxiety and other disorders (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28616666).
4. Sadness helps you come to terms with loss and reduces burnout (https://www.ahajournals.org/doi/10.1161/circ.138.suppl_2.179).
5. Post Traumatic Growth (https://ptgi.uncc.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/9/2013/01/PTG-Conceptual-Foundts.pdf).
6. Conditions for the formation of post-traumatic growth (https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15325020

   4271).

7. Physical activity and socializing improve mental health (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1755296616300321).
8. Focusing on feelings rather than actions makes you feel worse (https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-44262-001).

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how to relieve heartache and live happily? — 7spsy

08/05/2019 Author: Psychologist Pavel Khoroshutin

“I don’t even know how to describe what I felt. Well, what could I say? "Something I'm in a lousy mood." But it's not even close to what it was in reality. It's like a funnel inside. Huge, constantly buzzing, sucking everything that happens around. Any joy sucks and leaves only pain and emptiness. Such pain that you want to scratch your chest and grab it, squeeze it so that it doesn’t hurt. Thoughts of only one thing, this fucking pain. Also, when will this all end? How to drown out such mental pain at least a little? And desire one. To live until the evening to go to bed. Sleep is the only salvation. I guess I still haven't really recovered."

— Marina, 34 years old

Mental pain can cause very severe suffering. Alas, relatives and friends cannot always support us, especially if the reason, in their opinion, is insignificant or not obvious. Instead of sympathy, you can run into accusations in the style of “you are mad with fat, there are children in Africa who are starving, you have nothing to worry about. ” But it does hurt. And accusations often only increase the pain. How to escape from this trap? How to relieve pain and learn to feel joy and happiness again? This is what today's article is about.

Contents:

1. How does mental pain hurt?

• Pain can become habitual
• Experiences can lead to physical illness
• Experiences can lead to depression and similar illnesses

2. Why does it hurt so much?

• Causes of mental pain
• Signs of mental pain

3. How to survive mental pain?

When does mental pain become a habit?

4. How do you deal with severe emotional pain?

• You are much stronger than you think
• Find positive moments in what happened
• Be active, do not close yourself in yourself
• Take time for actions, not worries
• Use special help programs

What harms mental pain?

Constant worries in themselves cause discomfort and reduce the quality of life. But there are other, not always obvious consequences of prolonged mental pain.

1. Pain can become habitual

The way we react to circumstances can become habitual. We can habitually give up in case of failures, automatically engage in self-flagellation, out of inertia, worry at the slightest pretext. In fact, the brain gets used to such reactions and builds new neural connections to make it easier to worry and grieve. [1] And the more often and longer we experience and suffer, the easier it is given to us in the future.

“I've recently discovered that I'm used to reacting like this, throwing up my hands and worrying, to almost any situation. There was some trifle, and I immediately became discouraged. Although the situation itself is not worth a damn. Well, there, take a certificate to the pool. It is necessary to make a “flyura” and sign up with a therapist. Everything. And I'm like - oh, again I won't get into the pool, what the hell is this, everything is bad again. I sit and suffer. And then such evil took me. I got up, went and did everything. 1.5 hours spent in two visits. This tip has really blown my mind. I started to take care of myself and realized how quickly I give up, because I used to give up quickly. And I sit and worry that nothing works for me. Of course it doesn’t work, because I don’t even really try. ”

— Olga, 29 years old

2. Experiences can lead to physical illnesses

Prolonged stress — and our strong mental pain is stress — negatively affects the immune system, weakens it. [2] As a result, the body copes with diseases worse, susceptibility to infections increases, and the risk of cardiovascular diseases increases.

3. Experiences can lead to depression and similar illnesses

Prolonged mental pain in both girls and boys can lead to the development of depression, anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder. [3] These diseases are already difficult to cope with on their own, and most often require psychological and medical support.

Let's solve the problems of apathy and stress

Sign up for a consultation WATCH A VIDEO ABOUT THE SERVICE

Why does it hurt so much?

Ways to relieve pain largely depend on the cause. Therefore, first of all, you need to understand why it hurts in you? What or who causes you to hurt so much? Let's name some of the main reasons that lead to feelings and stress.

Causes of mental pain

All causes can be conditionally divided into 2 groups:

Group 1 - behavioral disorders and mental illness. These include fears, phobias, anxiety or depressive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, depersonalization, panic attacks, and other illnesses. These problems may require behavioral therapy, medication support, and psychiatric counseling. Be attentive to yourself and do not miss a serious illness.

“I don't know why I didn't ask for help. I knew that something was wrong with me. Well, it can’t, a person shouldn’t feel bad for a whole year every day. But it always seemed to me that I was inventing what it seemed to me, because a person can’t feel bad all the time ... I was afraid that I would come, and they would say to me: “What have you come for? Go home, feigner, you have nothing.” And she was at home. I went when it became really bad, when I almost stopped sleeping. And, surprise, I'm not a faker. They gave me treatment. And it turned out that in life there are so many joyful and diverse emotions. And I just didn’t remember any of this…”0003

— Polina, 31 years old

2nd group — psychological reasons, conflicts between desired and reality, grief from loss. This can include separation and divorce, the death of loved ones, any problems in the family, difficulties with work and finances, low self-esteem and self-perception problems, heartache from betrayal, and much more. Conditions in this group can be managed without medication on your own or with the support of a psychologist.

In fact, there are no correct and objectively weighty reasons for experiencing - any events or problems can lead to mental pain. And you shouldn't feel guilty about what you're going through or because your emotions are too strong for someone else's standards.

“It's very difficult for me now. In my case, heartache mixed with resentment. So also friends ... I’ll clarify - former friends - itched all the time. “Forget it, you’re worried about garbage, everything was immediately clear, it’s your own fault, you should have looked better.” And I looked. And there were no signs. And love did not blind my eyes. And on her forehead "I'm cheating on the current with the former" was not written. Not everything can be predicted, and straws cannot be spread everywhere. But it still hurts. I was betrayed twice - by an ex-girlfriend and ex-friends.

— Oleg, 25 years old

Signs of mental pain

Mental pain is often accompanied by mood changes:

• sadness, melancholy;
• agitation, anxiety;
• apathy, depression;
• feeling of loneliness;
• absence of pleasant, “positive” emotions.

Also often mental pain gives very real physical sensations:

• pressure or pain in the head or chest;

• burning sensation in the chest, in the throat;
• feeling of a stone in the chest, heaviness on the shoulders, as if carrying a heavy load;
• abdominal pain or discomfort;
• nausea, dizziness, palpitations.

Mental pain or pain in the heart can be very severe and cause real suffering. Your feelings are not an illusion and not winding up. This is reality. But you can change this reality, you can help yourself and reduce the intensity of pain.

How to survive emotional pain?

Is there any way to permanently soothe the pain of the soul? Of course not. It is impossible to completely avoid pain. We will inevitably encounter situations that will cause us discomfort. We are living people and experience emotions that cannot be simply taken and turned off. Yes, this is not necessary. Emotions, including negative ones, help us adapt to difficult situations and accept the inevitable [4], and facing difficulties can help us become better and stronger.

“Very hot topic! Not so long ago, I had strong changes in my life, and I cried for a couple of days, and then it became so easy, as simple as it had never been. People try to feel sorry for me, they say: “Poor thing, how did you get rid of mental pain? Is it really hard for you?” “On the contrary, I feel strength and energy, gratitude for life.”

— Yana, 22 years old

How is this possible? Studies show that many people experience post-traumatic growth as a result of facing difficult situations — losses, military actions, injuries and illnesses, accidents or dangerous situations in which they accidentally survived [5]:

• become stronger and more stable in the psychological sense;
• increased self-confidence;
• begin to appreciate what they have more;
• their relations with their relatives improve;
• they begin to see opportunities for their development.

There is only one "but" - this growth and development does not happen if we get stuck in negative emotions, if we think that we cannot cope with the situation. Experiences begin to accompany us constantly, absorb, occupy our whole life. Therefore, it is so important to be able to properly live the pain and not turn it into a habit.

When does mental pain become a habit?

How to understand that experiences get out of control and begin to turn into a habit? There are 5 signs that may alert you:

1. It is difficult for you to get distracted, switch to something else.
2. Your mental experiences last too long according to your own feelings.
3. You experience almost no joy in life.
4. You feel like this will never end.
5. You feel like you can't deal with this pain on your own.

If you have 2 or more symptoms, please do not wait for the pain to go away. Help her calm down.

How to deal with severe emotional pain?

If you can change a situation that causes suffering, then this is where you need to start. For example, if you have conflicts at work, plan a job change or try to get along with colleagues. If you are concerned about your self-esteem, pay attention to improving it. And so on. However, there are situations that we cannot change: divorce, loss of a loved one, betrayal. In this case, you should pay attention to your experiences. There are several ways to reduce their intensity and relieve pain.

1. You are much stronger than you think

Confidence that you will definitely have to feel bad and for a long time forms the habit of negatively evaluating events and prolongs the experience. In fact, the psyche is more like an elastic band than a fragile vase - it can bend, but then return to its previous level. Trust that you will get through this situation, even if it seems unrealistic right now.

2. Find positive things in what happened

An important condition for post-traumatic growth. [6] In any situation, you can see what makes you stronger or better. This does not mean that you should rejoice in your grief. What happened is painful. But this situation can help you understand yourself better. For example, miraculously avoiding death, you can learn to appreciate every day. Having parted with your loved one, direct your forces to your own development. Having avoided an attack, make sure of your own strength and stamina. And so on.

3. Be active, don't shut yourself up

There is no need to avoid socializing and lock yourself up at home. Heartache from love or loneliness is better relieved if you actively interact and communicate with other people. Any group physical activity [7], volunteering and helping other people will do.

4. Make Time for Actions, Not Worries

Research shows that focusing on your experiences makes a person feel worse and deprives him of vitality. [8] In contrast, shifting the focus of attention to actions helps to relieve mental pain. You shouldn’t completely forget about your feelings, but it’s better to think not about what it’s all for you, but about what to do next and what to do.

“I had just that case when instead of “how strong and resilient I am, I’m great that I didn’t lose my head and coped, and only thanks to myself I escaped from the rapist” I slipped into “poor, unfortunate me, how this happened to me. ” Re-evaluation helped a lot to cope with the situation and move on without constant fear. ”

— Alena, 39 years old

5. Take advantage of special assistance programs

Pay attention to programs that help you cope with loss and cope with mental pain. These could be help groups in your city or bereavement programs. The choice will depend on the cause of your experiences.

For example, if you are looking for ways to deal with the pain of a breakup, then 7Spsy is a course designed to help people who are going through a divorce or breakup. Also in the article at the link there are several more ways that will help you survive separation and reduce mental pain.

If you are experiencing the death of a loved one, then the 7Spsy course will suit you, which will gently help you survive this loss and learn how to live again.

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Both programs are designed to help you cope with loss, reduce heartache, and avoid becoming a habit. And most importantly, you will be able to find the strength in yourself for post-traumatic growth and continue to live a full life.

Remember, not always a person can cope with mental pain. Emotions can prevail over the mind, plunging into suffering. Therefore, if you feel that you cannot cope on your own or do not know how to remove mental pain, take care of yourself and seek help.

Sources:

1. Suffering is a habit (Yu. I. Aleksandrov, “Fundamentals of Psychophysiology”).
2. Stress weakens the immune system (https://www.apa.org/research/action/immune).
3. Stress can lead to depression, anxiety and other disorders (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28616666).
4. Sadness helps you come to terms with loss and reduces burnout (https://www.ahajournals.org/doi/10.1161/circ.138.suppl_2.179).
5. Post Traumatic Growth (https://ptgi.uncc.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/9/2013/01/PTG-Conceptual-Foundts.pdf).
6. Conditions for the formation of post-traumatic growth (https://www.

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