How to build security in a relationship

How to Create Emotional Safety in a Relationship: 7 Tips

Understanding how to create emotional safety is key to fostering meaningful connections and healthy relationships.

Emotional safety is the foundation for a loving and healthy relationship. It’s about establishing trust with another person and feeling safe enough to be open and vulnerable with them.

To put it simply, emotional safety is feeling secure enough to truly express yourself with someone and show up as your most authentic self.

Emotional safety also goes both ways. When you feel emotionally safe and reveal your true self, it opens the door for your partner to do the same. And when both people in a relationship feel secure, it provides a safe environment where a deeper and more loving connection can form.

Safety matters

Emotional safety does not apply to abusive relationships. If you’re experiencing abuse, whether physical or emotional, you have several options for seeking help. Try reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist or calling a domestic violence hotline.

When you find yourself in an emotionally safe relationship, chances are you’ll experience many advantages as a result. Benefits of emotionally safe relationships include:

You feel valued and valuable.
You can truly be yourself without the risk of judgment.
You can show your weaknesses without being taken advantage of.
You can share boldly and express yourself freely.
You feel seen, heard, and understood.

More importantly, an emotionally safe relationship creates a stronger connection.

Of connection, Brené Brown, author and research professor of social work at the University of Houston, said it best: “I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship. ”

Wondering how to build emotional safety or unsure where to start? We’ve broken down seven helpful ways to cultivate trust and vulnerability in any relationship.

Respect boundaries and consent

Setting and respecting boundaries can increase safety and security in a relationship by establishing personal limits. By communicating a limitation, you let your partner in on your preferences and invite them to share their own. Think of boundaries as not only protecting yourself but also protecting your relationship.

Boundaries can be physical, sexual, intellectual, emotional, or financial — all critical to nurturing respect in a healthy relationship. Once you set a boundary, it’s crucial that you and your partner respect it. Some examples of boundaries that promote emotional safety are:

honoring what is important to you
sharing personal information gradually
protecting your time by not overcommitting
asking for space when you need alone time
communicating your comfort level on intimacy

Pay attention to your nonverbal communication

Body language is essential for emotional safety.

Vocal tone, eye shape, posture, and other micro expressions are continuously being interpreted by you and your partner, whether you realize it or not. “If you approach your partners with hard eyes, tightly pressed lips, and short words, they may not feel safe,” says Dr. Jake Porter, a Houston-based licensed professional counselor.

“The key here is to realize that we are each responsible not only for the words we say but also the way we send them,” he adds.

It’s a good idea to practice paying attention to the nonverbal communication you’re carrying with you before you approach your partner. Consider asking yourself, “What is my body language communicating right now?”

Be an active listener

Active listening is a critical component to a healthy relationship because people need to feel heard and understood to feel secure and validated. “Active listening is when you set aside your defenses and distractions, and truly take in what your partner is telling you,” explains Dr. Isabelle Morley, a licensed clinical psychologist based in Massachusetts.

“The ability to actively listen means that whenever fears or issues arise, your partner will feel comfortable telling you,” she adds. “Instead of the problem growing or your partner becoming resentful, you’ll be able to quickly and easily address it.”

Some ways to practice active listening include:

nonverbal signs of listening like smiling, nodding, and maintaining eye contact
asking your partner questions or asking for clarification
summarizing or reflecting back on what was said

Practice transparency

Transparency is an important part of building trust and emotional safety. When you practice transparency, you eliminate the potential feeling that you or your partner are hiding something from each other.

While you don’t need to share every part of your life with your partner, “general openness about your thoughts, feelings, and activities is a good way to build trust, communication, and security,” says Morley.

Give your partner the benefit of the doubt

Giving your partner the benefit of the doubt means removing judgment and, instead, being curious to learn about the motivation for their behavior. “Most people’s motivations are subconscious and often connected to their own baggage they bring to the relationship,” says Baltimore-based certified imago relationship therapist Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin.

“When we stop judging and making up stories of why our partner did what they did, we begin to look at them favorably from a place of compassion and understanding,” he adds. “We may disagree with them, but we can at least create a safe environment without confrontation.”

Foster accountability and follow through

Following through shows your partner that you are dependable and value the relationship. When you commit to something and follow through, you actively build trust by showing your partner your loyalty. Yet following through doesn’t have to happen overnight.

Even when you take small steps, enabling your partner to see your consistent effort shows them your commitment to the relationship. Try keeping your partner in the loop, as this will help you hold yourself accountable too.

Consider couples or relationship therapy

A mental health professional’s perspective can help people in relationships build emotional safety by focusing on dealing with conflict rather than focusing on the conflict itself.

“Couples therapy fosters emotional safety by helping couples understand how they work together as a system,” explains Porter. “When I work with couples, I’m less interested in the content of what they are fighting about than the process of how they fight.”

“Focusing on the content might help them in the moment as I mediate a dispute, but they are just going to end up right back in the therapy office next time they can’t agree,” He adds. “Instead, by helping them create a new process for how they approach conflict to set them up for success as life continues to throw challenges their way.”

Emotional safety is key to a healthy and happy relationship. There are countless ways to create emotional safety, and some may work for you better than others. Consider trying a few of the ways we’ve identified and decide which ones work best for you and your partner.

While it may take time to build emotional safety, the result is a relationship built on mutual trust, respect, and unconditional support. Not only will you find yourself seen, heard, and understood, but you will find yourself feeling more connected to yourself and your partner. Try to be patient with each other, and then watch the benefits of being open and vulnerable unfold.

10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Secure in a Relationship

Part of your emotional responsibilities in a relationship is to know how to make your partner feel secure with you.

When relationship security is established, they can channel the energies they would have spent on trivial things into ensuring that your relationship waxes stronger and that you crush bigger goals together.

We have often been taught that assurance in a relationship solely depends on the individual. We have been told it is a person’s responsibility to feel safe in their relationship. However, time has proven that complete security in a relationship results from calculated steps taken by all parties.

This article will examine the practical steps to make your partner feel safe in a relationship.

What does assurance “really” mean in a relationship?

Science has revealed that being in an assured relationship can improve one’s life expectancy. As revealed by a study, age-adjusted death rates for males and females were lowest for those happily married at their time of death.

These facts have proven a direct correlation between feeling secure in your relationship and your overall life quality. However, this leaves one question unanswered.

What exactly does relationship security mean, and how can you create that in your relationship?

Relationship assurance is simply the process of putting your partner at ease, knowing that you are committed to them and the relationship.

When you are committed to building a secure relationship, you make your partner understand that another cannot take their place in your life. You dispel their fears and never act in a way that makes them doubt your sincerity.

10 ways to make your partner feel secure in a relationship

Now that we have put some things in context, this is how to make your partner feel secure in a relationship.

1. Communicate with them

Communication is an essential part of every type of relationship. When you communicate, you help someone else understand how you are feeling. One of the many misconceptions we have held in our lives is that the most effective way to deal with things is to keep our emotions bottled up.

However, if you are with the right person, this can backfire and create more friction in your relationship.

One effective way to make your partner feel secure in your relationship is to talk to them. At the same time, honesty is necessary. If there’s something you feel they can do better, effective communication will help you get the message across.

Suggested Video: How to talk to a partner so they will listen:

2. Appreciate and celebrate them

Another way to make your partner feel secure in a relationship is to appreciate and celebrate them intentionally. If you are committed to them, you must never assume they know how much you love and celebrate them.

Constantly say the magic words with your mouth.

Related Reading: 8 Ways to Show Appreciation to the Love of Your Life

3. Let your actions reflect what you say

You can’t be saying “I love you” to your partner every day, but your actions say otherwise. Non-verbal communication is as essential as the words that tumble out of your lips in your relationship.

If you say that you love, appreciate, and celebrate them, ensure that your actions tally with your words. Then again, another way to show that you are serious about what you say is to appreciate and celebrate them publicly.

4. Take yourself out of the market

Nothing screams ‘relationship insecurity’ more than a refusal to get out of the dating market. One sure way to make your partner feel secure in the relationship is to let everyone know that you are no longer on the hunt for a significant other.

There are many ways to send these signals out to the public.

For one, you may want to start by deleting all your accounts on dating sites. Then again, as you build secure love with your partner, you should also consider stopping flirting with anyone who isn’t the one you are in a committed relationship with.

When you flirt with others, you make your partner feel like you need something else they cannot give, and this usually spells ‘disaster’ in relationships as they may start getting jealous and withdrawn.

5. Don’t leave them hanging

We all love to be chased and to feel desired at some point in our lives. It is okay to keep someone in the friend zone (for a limited time) as you decide whether you want to date them or not.

However, it becomes cruel when you allow them to hang on for the longest time when you know that you have no intentions of dating or committing to them.

These mind games are cruel and can cause them to distrust you deeply, even if you finally accept their proposal to commit to a relationship.

Swift communication is necessary when you know you aren’t willing to date a person. Let them know what’s going on in your mind. By doing this, you rid yourself of that knowledge that you have just pulled someone along and wasted their time for nothing.

Playing terrible mind games on them? That’s not how to make your partner feel secure in a relationship.

6. Don’t give them room to doubt your sincerity

Have you suddenly changed the passwords to your devices without letting them know?

Do you now come home late from work, smelling like another person?

Do you always have to step out of the room to take calls – no matter how casually you do this?

Rest assured that your partner is taking notes, and one day, they may confront you.

As you try to help your partner feel secure in a relationship, you have a responsibility to ensure that you never give them room to doubt your sincerity.

Once they sense dishonesty creeping into your actions and words, they may get defensive. This is usually the beginning of a lot of disasters in relationships.

Related Reading: 16 Signs of Insecurity in Relationships

7. Little thoughtful actions show them that you listen

Another way to make your partner feel secure in a relationship is to carry out those little thoughtful actions that show them how attentive you are. For example, your partner may have mentioned that taking out the trash every other morning is a bit stressful.

How about you consider taking out the trash every morning as you leave for work?

As little as that action seems, it sends the information that you are mindful of their well-being and want them to be comfortable in the relationship. This way, you make them want to listen and return the favor where and when they can.

8. Extend this warmth to their friends and family as well

Another way to make your partner feel secure in your relationship is to extend your warmth to their friends and family. In addition to leaving a positive experience in their minds, you show your partner that you are willing to make things work with their family.

When they believe this, they will be more open to treating your relationship as a long-term commitment, not just a fling.

However, while you try to ensure that your partner feels secure in a relationship, please don’t overshoot.

The subject of friends and family can be touchy, and you want to approach it with diplomacy. Let your partner lead this conversation. Just ensure that you are ready to put in the effort when it is time to meet the family.

9. Introduce them to the people that matter in your life

This is a big step, but it is one of the fastest ways to build a secure relationship with your partner. This feeling of assurance comes when your partner knows they have met your family and closest friends.

Then again, before they arrive, ensure you have put in good words for them.

By doing this, you send a subtle signal to your tribe that you are bringing someone special to you. When you have done this, they will be more accepting and warm toward your partner. This also scores you some extra brownie points as well.

10. Show your partner that you have big plans for the future

Being secure in a relationship is not all about what happens now. Relationship security is also a result of how goal-oriented and driven you are.

When you let your partner see that you are headed somewhere in life and your future has a space that only they can fill, you introduce a level of security that only compliments cannot bring.

So, while you do all that needs to be done now, what plans for the future do you have?

Related Reading: Dreaming Together: 3 Essential Tips for Having a Happy Future as a Couple

Summary

While discovering how to make your partner feel secure in a relationship, there are critical steps you must take. This article has covered 15 simple steps you can take to ensure they get the memo.

However, remember that your partner also has to play a part in feeling secure in the relationship. Your responsibility is to follow the steps outlined in this article and reassure them of their position in your life.

It is now up to them to do the rest and believe that they occupy a special place in your heart.

7 Ways to Create Emotional Security in a Relationship - The-Femme

Understanding how to create emotional security between partners is the key to making meaningful connections and healthy relationships.

Emotional security is the foundation of loving and healthy relationships. It's about establishing trust with the other person and feeling secure enough to be open and vulnerable with them.

Simply put, emotional security is the feeling of being secure enough to truly express yourself with someone and express yourself as you really are.

Emotional security is also two-sided. When you feel emotionally secure and open to your true self, it opens up an opportunity for your partner to do the same. And when both people in a relationship feel secure, it creates a safe environment in which a deeper and more loving connection can form.

What are the benefits of an emotionally secure relationship?

When you find yourself in an emotionally secure relationship, you will most likely reap many benefits as a result. The benefits of an emotionally secure relationship include:

You feel appreciated and valued.
You can truly be yourself without the risk of being judged.
You can show your weaknesses without taking advantage of them.
Feel free to share and express your thoughts freely.
You feel seen, heard and understood.
More importantly, emotionally secure relationships create a stronger bond.

Regarding connection, Brené Brown, author and professor of social work at the University of Houston, said it best: “I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and appreciated; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they draw support and strength from the relationship. ”

Not sure how to achieve emotional security or where to start? We've identified seven helpful ways to build trust and vulnerability in any relationship.

Respect Boundaries and Consent

Establishing and respecting boundaries can increase the security of a relationship by setting personal limits. By reporting a restriction, you allow your partner to share your preferences and invite them to share their preferences. Think of boundaries as protecting not only yourself, but also your relationships.

Boundaries can be physical, sexual, intellectual, emotional, or financial, all of which are critical to building respect in healthy relationships. Having set boundaries, it is very important that you and your partner respect them. Here are some examples of boundaries that promote emotional security:

respect what is important to you
share personal information gradually
save your time by not overdoing it
ask for time alone when you need to be alone
report your level of comfort in intimacy

Pay attention to non-verbal communication

Body language is important for emotional security.

Tone of voice, shape of eyes, posture and other microexpressions are constantly being interpreted by you and your partner, whether you are aware of it or not. “If you approach your partners with a glare, tight lips, and short words, they may feel insecure,” says Dr. Jake Porter, a licensed professional counselor based in Houston.

“The key here is to realize that each of us is responsible not only for the words we say, but also for how we say them,” he adds.

It's a good idea to practice paying attention to the non-verbal communication you carry with you before approaching your partner. You may be asking yourself, “What is my body language saying right now?”

Be an active listener

Active listening is an essential component of healthy relationships because people need to feel heard and understood in order to feel protected and accepted. “Active listening is when you let go of defenses and distractions and truly accept what your partner is telling you,” explains Dr. Isabelle Morley, a licensed clinical psychologist in Massachusetts.

“The ability to actively listen means that whenever fears or problems arise, your partner will feel comfortable telling you about it,” she adds. “Instead of the problem getting worse or your partner getting offended, you can fix it quickly and easily.”

Here are a few ways to practice active listening:

non-verbal signs of listening, such as smiling, nodding, and maintaining eye contact
asking partner questions or asking for clarifications
summarize or reflect on what has been said

Practice transparency

Transparency is an important part of building trust and emotional security. By practicing transparency, you eliminate the potential feeling that you or your partner are hiding something from each other.

Although you don't have to share every part of your life with your partner, "general openness about your thoughts, feelings, and actions is a good way to build trust, communication, and security," says Morley.

Give your partner the benefit of the doubt

Giving your partner the benefit of the doubt means not being judgmental and instead wanting to know the motivation behind their behavior. “Most people’s motivations are subconscious and often tied to their own baggage they bring to the relationship,” says Baltimore-based certified imago therapist Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin.

“When we stop judging and making up stories about why our partner did what they did, we begin to favor them from a position of compassion and understanding,” he adds. "We may not agree with them, but we can at least create a safe environment without confrontation."

Promote accountability and see things through

Seeing things through shows your partner that you are reliable and value the relationship. When you do and accomplish something, you actively build trust by demonstrating your loyalty to your partner. However, completion does not have to happen overnight.

Even when you take small steps, letting your partner see your continued efforts shows them your commitment to the relationship. Try to keep your partner in the loop, as this will also help you be accountable.

Consider couples or family therapy

A mental health professional's perspective can help people in relationships increase emotional security by focusing on conflict resolution rather than the conflict itself.

"Couple therapy promotes emotional security by helping couples understand how they work together as a system," explains Porter. “When I work with couples, I am less interested in the content of what they are fighting about than in the process of0092 as they quarrel."

"Focusing on the content might help them the moment I'm mediating an argument, but they'll just go back to the therapy room the next time they can't agree," he adds. "Instead, I want to help them create a new conflict approach process to set them up for success as life continues to challenge them."

Summing up

Emotional security is the key to a healthy and happy relationship. There are countless ways to create emotional security, and some may work better for you than others. Try a few of the ways we've identified and decide which works best for you and your partner.

Although it may take time to build emotional security, the result is a relationship built on mutual trust, respect and unconditional support. Not only will you find yourself being seen, heard and understood, but you will also feel more connected to yourself and your partner. Be patient with each other, and then watch the benefits of openness and vulnerability unfold.

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90,000 6 tips to strengthen emotional security in relations

In this article

Trouble up to each other
Open and honest communication
The adoption of responsibility
Be
to support each other
Be ready to apologize, forgive and forget

The word "safety" in a relationship context makes you immediately think about physical safety, that is, being away from abuse and violence. However, emotional security is an equally important aspect of a relationship.

Emotional security refers to the ability of each partner in a relationship to be open and vulnerable to each other without fear of judgment, ridicule or criticism.

For the development of any relationship, it is important that partners are willing to invest in their relationship in terms of giving each other love, devotion and commitment.

Vulnerability towards a partner guarantees love, joy, responsibility, empathy, courage and sincerity. This allows each of you to be yourself with each other and be loved for who you are.

Here are a few ways to help you build emotional security in your relationship.

1. Trust each other

It is believed that trust and love are the basis of any relationship that will embark on the path of success.

Couples need to be aware of the fact that their partner only wants the best for them, and that you also genuinely care about their best interests.

Each of you should get rid of any toxic thoughts and instead be sure that your partner will never intentionally do anything to harm you.

This is an important step to ensure emotional security.

2. Open and honest communication

Communication is considered the key to strong relationships and honest communication. It is considered beneficial for couples to have deep and meaningful conversations from time to time in which they share their feelings, express their views and opinions, and discuss any problems that may arise with each other.

This eliminates any chance of misunderstandings and build-up of frustration due to not being heard. Couples need to make sure they tell their partner exactly what they mean, effectively, without being rude or harsh.

3.

Taking responsibility and taking responsibility

Behaving responsibly and taking responsibility for your words and actions is another feature that provides emotional security.

Taking responsibility for what you do and say ensures that your partner can count on you. This will help them to be more open and vulnerable to you and share every detail of their lives instead of keeping secrets.

Moreover, blaming each other will not do anything, it will simply damage your relationship and set it on a path of destruction.

4. Be yourself

Although couples tend to spend the whole day together, it's nice to spend time alone every day. Codependent couples actually live in unhealthy relationships.

Partners do not need to agree or share the same views on what they think, and are instead entitled to have their own opinion and their own. It's important for couples to have interests outside of the relationship, whether they're with friends, co-workers, or just on their own, as being together all the time is often suffocating.

5. Support each other

Being in a relationship means you always have someone you can count on and turn to whenever you need. Partners need to have enough trust to be fully aware that their lover will always be there for them, no matter how good or bad the situation is.

Each of the partners must have confidence that their partner will always help them overcome any obstacles or challenges that come their way.

6. Be ready to apologize, forgive and forget

We make mistakes very often, but it is important that we understand that we are at fault and apologize for it. Both partners should be ready to apologize if they make a mistake or hurt their significant other.

In the same way, both of them must be willing to forgive each other for the sake of their relationship and overcome such problems in order to create a strong bond.

Couples should see each other as allies, not adversaries, and be the best fans of each other. Each partner needs to devote half of their time and effort to the relationship in order for it to flourish and guarantee itself emotional security and security.

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