What does intimacy mean to a man

32 Things to Know About Friendships, Relationships, More

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Trust

In order to share personal parts of yourself — like your most embarrassing secrets or your deepest fears — you have to be able to trust them.

Showing another person that you’re trustworthy can help them feel closer to you too.

Acceptance

You know you’ve established some intimacy when you feel like a person accepts you for who you truly are.

When you first meet someone, you might worry that they’ll hear your “guilty pleasure” music playlist and think you’re weird.

But as intimacy grows, you can rock out to your favorite boy bands and trust that no matter how weird you get, you’ll still be accepted and cared for.

Honesty

Honesty and intimacy feed one other. You often can’t have one without the other.

You feel comfortable telling your partner exactly how you feel in part because you’ve become so close to each other.

And in the same vein, every time you open up, you can grow a little bit closer. You’ll know your partner is willing to listen the next time you want to share something personal.

Safety

Sharing your deepest, truest self with another person can put you in a pretty vulnerable position.

That’s why you tend to have your guard up when you meet someone new. You don’t yet know if they’ll support you as you are.

So, intimacy means feeling safe enough to take the risk of putting yourself out there, knowing the other person cares enough not to let you down.

Compassion

Feeling cared about is a lovely feeling, isn’t it?

You know your BFF will be there for you after a bad breakup. You know your sister won’t let a week go by without asking how you’re doing.

Forgiveness and understanding can only exist with compassion between people.

Compassion is a natural component of caring about one another’s well-being.

Affection

Caring about each other is one thing, but you also build intimacy by showing that you care.

Affection can be physical, like a kiss between lovers or a hug between a parent and child, but it doesn’t have to be.

Sometimes affection is in the unspoken ways you show up for each other, like when your friend spends their day off helping you move simply because they care.

Communication

There’s a reason why good communication is so often named as the key to a healthy relationship.

When you make an effort to listen to someone and tell them how you really feel, you can build a deep understanding for each other.

And the more you understand each other, the closer you become.

You won’t wake up one morning and say, “We’re intimate now. Mission accomplished!”

Intimacy is more like a quality that you continue to cultivate over time.

The more time you spend sharing experiences and feelings, the more elements you have to work with to build intimacy.

You might feel some apprehension, or even fear, about building intimacy.

That’s understandable, considering that intimacy requires you to be vulnerable and put faith in other people when there’s a chance they’ll let you down.

If anyone has ever violated your trust, it can take a while to want to take a chance with them or anyone else again.

So, why risk intimacy if there’s a chance of getting hurt?

Well, intimacy comes with some health benefits that you simply can’t get any other way.

Deep companionship helps you combat loneliness and feel like somebody “gets you.”

It also helps your mental health, reducing your stress level as your feel-good hormones get a boost from touch like hugs and emotional release like laughter.

In fact, intimacy can actually boost your immune system, lower your blood pressure, and reduce your risk for heart disease.

It’s a key building block for a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life.

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If you have a fear of intimacy, you’re not the only one. There are ways to overcome it.

Here are some tips for how to deal with a fear of intimacy:

Name what’s happening and identify your symptoms

Your fear of intimacy may be obvious to you, but it’s also possible to be afraid of intimacy without even realizing it.

You might avoid deep relationships or feel anxious about social situations for reasons that are unclear.

Do you isolate yourself from other people? Have low self-esteem? Have a hard time staying present during sex? Avoid letting people get to know you?

Once you can spot a pattern, identifying your symptoms will give you a tangible list of what to work on.

Many people find it useful to work with a therapist or other mental health professional to help guide you.

Figure out what your boundaries are and why

You don’t have to feel ashamed of having your guard up when you understand why you put it up in the first place.

For example, fear of intimacy would be an understandable response to trauma like sexual assault or childhood neglect.

After abuse, we may try to protect ourselves from judgment and further harm by isolating from the rest of the world.

One you’ve identified what helps you feel safe and what triggers your fear, you can now intentionally set the boundaries you want to keep and start to shift away from the ones that aren’t useful anymore.

Communicate about your feelings

It’s hard to build trust with someone who doesn’t even know that you’re having a hard time.

If you have a romantic partner, you can tell them it’s difficult for you to let people in and you’re working on it.

If you feel comfortable enough, you can also share what you’re afraid of and where your fears come from.

It’s OK to tell the people in your life what you need from them in to feel safe in your relationships.

Get professional help

At times we can all use some support with facing our fears. A mental health professional like a therapist can offer that.

A professional can also help you:

figure out how your fear of intimacy started
work through serious issues like trauma
identify if a mental health condition like avoidant personality disorder or depression is involved

It’s normal for relationships to feel stagnant over time as life gets in the way and you settle into a routine that’s not as adventurous as when you first met.

Here are some ideas for sparking or reigniting intimacy in any relationship.

Make it a point to show your appreciation

Take time to tell the other person what you appreciate about them. Show your gratitude, which can take the form of gifts, favors, or a simple “thank you.”

Make an effort to learn about each other

Once you’ve known someone for a long time, it can feel like the “mystery” is gone.

But people and relationships grow and change over time. There’s always more to learn.

Swap stories, ask questions, and play games like “20 Questions” to keep gathering new information.

The key to this is listening so you can build a real understanding of what the other person cares about and why.

Set aside time for each other

If you’re not paying attention, it’s easy for time to fly by without sharing quality time.

So make it a priority!

Plan a weekly date night, a monthly board game night, or a nightly moment to check in one-on-one before bedtime, away from the kids or other responsibilities.

Unplug and focus on each other

Spending time together without electronics can give you a chance to give each other some undivided attention.

Show physical affection (even without sex)

If you have a sexual relationship, then mixing things up with new toys, outfits, and fantasies can keep things from getting dull.

But you can also build intimacy by making it a point to show physical affection without sex.

With warm gestures and cuddles, you can remember that joining your bodies together is about more than just “getting off.”

Tackle a project together

Restore a piece of furniture, learn a new skill like baking, or teach your old dog some new tricks.

Whatever the project, working toward a goal with a loved one can cultivate bonding time, make invaluable memories, and give you something new to look forward to together.

Talk about what intimacy means to you

Building intimacy doesn’t have to be a guessing game.

An easy way to figure out how to build intimacy is to just talk about it!

Tell your loved one how you’d like to spend time together and what activities help you feel closer. Listen when they tell you the same.

For more info on intimacy, look to healthy relationship experts and resources.

Here are a few places to start:

8 Books on Sex and Intimacy, recommended by sex educator Dawn Serra. This list includes inclusive, empowering titles such as “Ecstasy Is Necessary” by Barbara Carrellas.
5 Relationship Books That Will Profoundly Change the Way You Love, a list compiled by relationship coach Kyle Benson. This list includes books that aren’t only focused on sex and romance, like the self-development book “SuperBetter” by Jane McGonigal.
Consider individual and relationship therapy. By working with a therapist one-on-one, a family therapist, or a couples counselor, you can get some personalized insight on intimacy. Here’s information on finding a therapist and some affordable therapy options for every budget.

Building intimacy is one of the most rewarding ways to enrich your life. Give yourself permission to seek out the meaningful connections you deserve.

An Honest Look At What Intimacy Means To A Man

Intimacy is often confused with sex. But just as people can be sexual without being intimate, intimacy can happen without a sexual component being present. Broadly speaking, intimacy means deeply knowing someone, while also feeling deeply known yourself.

It is something humans crave, and though at times, it may seem more difficult for men to express it, that doesn’t mean they don’t need or want it. Here’s an honest look at what intimacy means to a man and how they desire it.

Physicality Does Play a Big Role

Men are often more physical in their journey to intimacy than women. They are seen as being solely focused on physical intimacy, but this isn’t necessarily the case, it’s just one way they get there. Dame Barbara Cartland explained it best when she said, “Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex.”

Women typically have higher levels of oxytocin, the bonding hormone. Men release this hormone at their highest level during sex, which leaves them at their most vulnerable and intimate. It’s easy to see how the physical aspect plays such a large role in being intimate for men.

Physical intimacy is just one of many forms of intimacy but it’s an important one for men. Physical doesn’t have to mean sex. Little touches while your partner is working or reading, rubbing their shoulders, and grazing the small of their back when you walk by let your partner know they’re on your mind and you appreciate their presence.

Men are physical creatures by nature, but it doesn’t always have to lead to sex. They like being noticed, just like women do and by incorporating touch into your expressions of affection, you can create intimacy in day-to-day activities.

Compliments are Intimate

Everyone enjoys feeling good about themselves, and men are no different. Though most men won’t tell you they need to hear these things, getting a boost of confidence from your partner is never a bad thing. Frequent reassurances about themselves, their career paths, and even sexual prowess are all great ways to boost self-confidence and harness intimacy in your relationship.

What intimacy means to a man can look as simple as a, “You sure look handsome this morning!”. Praising your man doesn’t lead to cockiness, it makes them feel loved and confident. Compliments don’t have to center on appearance or prowess. For example, if you’re parents, telling your partner how much you appreciate the way they interact with your children means a lot.

It’s the little things that make your partner smile that bring intimacy to the moment. Think positive and know that the more you compliment your partner, the more positive return you’ll see in your relationship.

Emotional Intimacy Matters

From a very young age, culturally men are often taught not to show weakness. That’s why it’s vital to let your partner know they can be vulnerable with you without repercussions. When we look at what intimacy means to a man, we can’t discount emotional intimacy.

When a man feels comfortable opening up to his partner, he’s showing a vulnerable side he could have been taught to hide. His partner is his safe space, his place where he can be his true self, no matter what. It takes time and trust, but once it’s there, this is one of the most intimate and valued feelings a man can be share with his partner.

Space Creates Intimacy

Most men need space to breathe. One of the biggest challenges in relationships between men and women is the need for space. On average, the female partner wants more time spent together, whereas the male partner wants more time apart. This doesn’t speak to anything wrong in the relationship, it’s a matter of finding a balance of closeness and separateness.

Suffocating a man is one of the fastest ways to kill off intimacy and even the relationship. Throughout history, whenever a problem needs solving, traditionally women would go further into the tribe to find answers, whereas men would go off on their own. Not much has necessarily changed in regard to this.

Giving your partner space to roam and figure things out on his own when he needs to actually creates the space he needs to build intimacy. As relationship coach Jordan Gray says, it lets him know that you trust him to make his own decisions and the strength of your bond. Giving him space says to him that you know he’ll make good choices on his own.

What Intimacy Means to a Man

When a relationship has the intimacy it needs, both parties feel safe and secure. Men especially know they can be vulnerable and open with their partner, express their emotions without fear, engage in physical and emotional intimacy, and be assured their need for space will be respected.

No matter whether you’re male or female, trust and respect are key pillars in any relationship and the best way to get them is to give them. Openly communicating with your partner about what you need and want will help you get there, one step at a time.

What is real intimacy between a man and a woman: Elena Lyubchenko about intimacy

Recently, viewers of "1 + 1" saw the new release of the new season of the project "Friendship is Naoslip", the heroes of which were a young businessman Yuri and TV presenter Olya. And this was the reason for the big publication of the famous psychologist Elena Lyubchenko on the topic of real intimacy between lovers. Details in our material.

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Earlier, among our readers, a material about how to stay together for two very different people caused a great resonance. Now Elena Lyubchenko and the expert in the show on "1 + 1" touched on an important and related topic. nine0003

On her Facebook page, she commented on the relationship between the couple Yuri and Olya, highlighted their main mistakes and explained what real intimacy between loving people is.

Here are the words of her publication below.

Now I will say something strange: sex is not always intimacy. Moreover, for some comrades, sex has nothing to do with intimacy and love at all! Intimacy, in turn, is often not expressed through sex, but manifests itself in completely different things. Both the heroes of our project and many people entering into relationships often get confused in this area, and one is replaced by another. nine0003

With a couple of Yura and Olya had to be dealt with seriously. And here's what happened.

Proximity is the meeting of two people without masks and protections. This is an opportunity to show all your sides, "without embellishment", without retouching, without filters and "advantageous poses". This is a relationship in which you can share all the most intimate. This is what every person feels a great need for and experiences as the greatest value.

And when intimacy is replaced by sex - a fairly common occurrence in the modern world, by the way - a person has a feeling of deep dissatisfaction and longing, which he tries to compensate in all possible ways. nine0003

Why is it easier for many to enter into a sexual relationship than to try to be intimate? Very simple. Sex is an understandable, well-developed industry in our time. Many people know what to do for sexual intimacy and feel quite confident in sexual relationships.

A person (of any gender) can "work out a sexual program" and be "on top" without coming a single step (in a psychological, spiritual sense) to his partner and remaining completely closed and alien to him. nine0003

But in moments of intimacy, we are as open as possible. Which means they are incredibly vulnerable. We become very insecure and remember well how hurt we could be done at such moments. Believe me, this is not forgotten, no matter how long ago it happened! It can be forced out into the unconscious, but it will automatically include armor and armor that protect our soul from repeated blows. Because if at such moments of trust, when you are with an open soul, you were ridiculed, deceived, criticized, not taken seriously, ignored, the desire to open your soul beats off forever. nine0003

So it turns out that intimacy is possible when there is a sense of security, when there is at least some trust in the other. If, in principle, there is very little trust, like our heroine Olya has, if life has taught you to defend yourself, play, control, be smart and avoid intimacy in every possible way, you need great courage to get closer.

Also, closeness is really hard to express. Scientists say that the level of arousal from intimacy and the level of sexual arousal in a person are about the same. But in sex, it is clear what to do at what stage, and where it will lead. And here? No instructions. There are no guarantees. nine0003

Sometimes you can just be silent together, experiencing this amazing feeling of kinship and happiness. You can talk about the innermost, share your feelings, talk about what is scary or hurts, about what warms and gives meaning. You can cry, you can laugh together. Emotions and manifestations can be the most incredible and unexpected. But you will always feel their truth and spontaneity. And it depends only on you how much you can open up in response, taking your step forward.

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There are no "standard" or "correct" reactions in proximity. It is important to just be yourself, without masks, to be open to others as much as possible. I know it's not easy. But nothing is more important in a relationship. So it's worth the risk.

What do you think about this?

Read also We'll Leave, We'll Rush: How to Survive in a Long Distance Relationship

Also read about what to do when a loved one cheats.

Photos: 1+1, Pinterest

what does this mean in a relationship

The strongest couples are those in which a man and a woman are both best friends for each other. But why, then, are there so many examples of friendship that does not develop into something more? Perhaps it's not just a friendship in a couple, but something more? nine0003

What is emotional intimacy between a man and a woman

First of all, emotional intimacy is the readiness to appear before another without any embellishment, not only with all the advantages, but also with the shortcomings. This is an opportunity to speak openly about your feelings and emotions, allow yourself to be weak and defenseless, discuss worrisome problems and share fears. However, it is important not just to be open. Emotional intimacy implies that in response to such frankness, a person does not face a wall of misunderstanding and condemnation, but finds the desired support. If a man and a woman can create in their couple a similar atmosphere of sincerity and readiness to accept another, then we are talking about the presence of emotional closeness between them. nine0003

Emotional intimacy at the beginning of a relationship

Many are not used to thinking about feelings and trying to sort them out. This is especially characteristic of the first candy-bouquet period, when both dive into love, as if into a pool with their heads, and are not inclined to focus on negative alarm bells. However, sometimes it is still worth taking a sober look at things and understanding whether there is an emotional intimacy between a man and a woman at the beginning of a relationship. This will help to avoid many different problems and misunderstandings in the future. Often, doubts about the correct choice of a life partner overcome a man or woman after the wedding. But many of these doubts are caused precisely by the lack of emotional closeness, which could be noticed much earlier. nine0003

At the beginning of a relationship, it is extremely important for the couple to develop emotional intimacy as early as possible. There are often cases when everything happens even the other way around - a sudden feeling of openness and the ability to share everything in the world leads to the birth of romantic feelings. That is why emotional intimacy can be considered the cornerstone of successful happy relationships.

Of course, you should not start the first date with excessive frankness. But it’s also not worth brushing aside work on this important component. You can try to start small. Try sharing details about your work with your partner and watch their reactions. Most often, it is quite easy to distinguish sincere participation and excitement from feigned concern with an impartial overtones. You can try to conduct a similar experiment several times in a row, with different details. If in most cases a man only dismisses your problems or reacts in the style: “Probably it’s your fault,” then you should think about whether he is suitable for the role of your half. The longer the relationship develops, the more the man and woman become involved in each other's lives. If your partner is trying to avoid such rapprochement, then there can be no question of any emotional closeness between you. nine0003

Sometimes the catalyst for the development of emotional intimacy can be the illness of one of the partners. A banal cold plays the role of an excellent litmus test for relationships. A man who does not feel anything but superficial attraction for his chosen one is unlikely to want to be around at the moment when she is in bed with a temperature, surrounded by medicines.

However, emotional intimacy can and should be developed - after all, it happens that even in the strongest and most loving couples, this important link is missing. Sometimes it's like stepping over yourself and allowing yourself to be a little more open. Feel free to share your views and preferences - a person who truly values your relationship will accept them, even if they are at odds with his own. You can start with the simplest - your favorite music and movies, hobbies, food preferences. If you are crazy about meat, and in a restaurant you order a vegetable salad for fear of not seeming a real lady, then there can be no question of any emotional intimacy. Slowly reveal your weaknesses and shortcomings and carefully observe the reaction of a man. If he is ready to accept them and meet you halfway, then the relationship undoubtedly has the right to continue. nine0003

However, do not forget that emotional intimacy is not a one-sided game. You must also be ready to accept the shortcomings of another, support a man in difficult times without a judgmental look, try to at least understand, if not share his hobbies.

Signs of lack of emotional closeness in the family

Among couples who have long crossed the threshold of the registry office, there is often a fading of feelings and an intensity of emotions. However, this does not mean at all that love has really passed. There are other laws in marriage, and the strongest of them are based on emotional closeness between spouses. How to determine whether this connection really left the relationship or was not present at all in them before marriage? There are some of the most obvious signs of a lack of emotional closeness in the family: nine0003

Unwillingness to discuss any important issues with the spouse. In the absence of emotional intimacy, the quality of everyday communication between spouses changes first. Any important issues - work, finances, leisure - are not discussed in the family circle. It often happens that one of the partners is not averse to talking about it, and the second only shrugs his shoulders and answers everything: “Do as you know.” It happens differently: in response to any questions and attempts to give advice, the spouses only contemptuously throw to each other: “I will figure it out myself.” Of course, everyone can have a bad day when there is not the slightest desire to maintain any conversations even with their soulmate. However, if such changes in communication between spouses are observed for a long time, it means that the emotional intimacy between them is clearly not going smoothly. nine0064
Lack of desire to spend time together. If earlier spouses tried to spend as much time together as possible, now the opposite is observed. The need to visit interesting places together, go for walks, and sometimes even arrange a joint movie viewing disappears. Increasingly, a husband or wife may be late at work without a strong desire to get home as soon as possible. This also includes the lack of the need to share new impressions, for example, about a book you have read. From the outside, it looks like two strangers live together under one roof, minding their own business and showing absolutely no interest in each other's lives. nine0064
Unwillingness to help and support. It often happens that the lack of emotional intimacy disguises itself as a banal unwillingness to help another. However, this is not just a disguise. In the case when this important component of a happy family life is missing, not only the desire to help disappears, but the understanding of the need for such help. It is hard to imagine that at the dawn of family relationships, a husband or wife would take on their soul mate all the responsibilities around the house and outside it. However, if emotional intimacy leaves the relationship, there are often situations when the wife is exhausted, doing all the “female” things in the house after work, while the husband shamelessly lies on the couch, not feeling the need to facilitate her work. The opposite also happens: having put on her husband all the responsibilities for providing for the needs of the family, the wife devotes all her free time only to her own interests. nine0124 It happens that a husband or wife is inattentive and even callous about the second half during difficulties, for example, during illness. In the absence of emotional intimacy, even this situation does not induce one of the spouses to help the other - he continues to live his usual life, paying little attention to the state and needs of the other.
In addition, it becomes quite difficult or even impossible to discuss the problems that arise - a wall of misunderstanding seems to grow between the husband and wife, and all attempts to explain themselves are perceived by the other side only as groundless reproaches. nine0064

Of course, not all of these features can be as pronounced as in the examples above. And the lack of emotional intimacy does not always indicate that passionate feelings are gone. Husband and wife can still love each other, as they did at the beginning of the relationship, but the connection between them that made them the closest people to each other is lost.

Important! The lack of emotional closeness in a couple is often confused with the lack of love. Some signs are indeed similar to each other, but there is another important criterion. In the absence of love on the part of one or both spouses, the intimate life between them inevitably changes. If the matter is only in the absence of emotional intimacy, then in the vast majority of cases this area of family life remains unchanged. nine0003

Why is emotional closeness in a couple so important

At first glance, there are a huge number of couples between whom there has never been an emotional intimacy, and at first glance, this does not prevent them from looking quite happy. However, if you look deeper, it almost always becomes noticeable that the husband and wife in such couples live, as it were, in parallel, each with his own life. The lack of emotional closeness in the family leads to the fact that the spouses eventually move away from each other more and more - they devote time to different interests and hobbies, spend evenings in different companies, meeting at home only to have dinner and spend the night together. The inability to discuss emerging problems and omissions in relationships leads to the fact that the wife begins to share problems with her friends, and the husband is either just as frank with friends, beat and keeps everything in himself, which can threaten with an inevitable breakdown. nine0003

In addition, the lack of emotional intimacy is fraught with the fact that, without feeling the warmth and response from the second half, each of the spouses subconsciously begins to look for another loved one on the side. Often it is this factor that is decisive for adultery - one has only to think that the other person understands all feelings much better than the other half. To avoid this, it is necessary to do everything possible to maintain or create emotional closeness in a couple. nine0003

How to create emotional intimacy

If the time to start a relationship is long over, and you just now realized that your couple lacks emotional intimacy, you can try to create it. Make it a rule to share with your spouse the details of life, which were previously kept silent for some reason. Be interested in his opinion, ask for his advice and sincerely listen to them. You can set aside one of the evenings during the week for such conversations and make it a tradition - this, by the way, is another great way to strengthen emotional closeness between spouses. The realization that you are bound by your own traditions, inherent only to your family, significantly brings you closer. nine0003

Even if the husband at first will be skeptical of your proposals, do not give up trying. Perhaps he is just not used to this style of communication, and it is difficult for him to open up to you in return. Talk to him often about anything new that you come across, whether it's a story about a pleasant walk during your lunch break or your impressions of a movie. Share your point of view and ask for his opinion. It often happens that even after having been married for several years, spouses have very vague ideas about each other's views. Eliminate this gap, if it exists. nine0003

Do not be afraid to appear weak and defenseless. By shouldering the solution to all problems, you subconsciously let the man know that you don’t need him too much. Let him take care and don't worry about it: every man wants to feel strong and determined. The opportunity to show these qualities only brings him closer to the woman in relation to whom he performs masculine acts.

Try to spend time together more often, preferring the general social circle to separate companies of girlfriends and friends. nine0003

And, of course, try to start by voicing the problem to the man. Perhaps he is also aware that something is going wrong in the relationship, and is ready to meet you halfway - and then the process will go twice as fast!

Building harmonious happy relationships means constantly working on them.

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