Straight men gay experiences

19 Straight Men Sharing Gay Hookup Experiences

Sex between consenting adults can be a fun, funny, and even awkward experience, and it should go without saying that having a same-sex experience doesn't mean the person is queer. Enjoy!

"We continued to hook up every single night for the whole 1.5 months of the camping trip, and we did everything. Overall, it was enjoyable. It hasn't happened again since we returned home — it was definitely just because of the circumstances of the trip and both of us finding out that we were interested in experimenting. I'll say...it was a very fun summer."

—Anonymous

"We're both still just as close, if not closer. I was the best man at his wedding, and both of our significant others know what happened. No regrets from us — it was fun while it lasted! I'm incredibly grateful for that first experience."

—420ismyfavouritenumber

"They're married with kids now. I'm gay, but I hooked up with a handful of men and women in my 30s. I was open, honest, safe, and respectful of my partners. In the end, they're still straight, and I'm still gay and happily married to my husband of 12 years. Honestly, sex with straight guys was fun and exciting. Your sex partners don't determine your sexual orientation."

—wilwhalen23

—Anonymous

"I felt for the guy, and he was my best friend at the time, so I offered to take care of him for the night. He hesitated a bit, but it wasn’t long until we acted like teenagers in the back of his car. To this day, I've never been with another guy (I’m very much into women). The two of us are still good friends. Every now and then we’ll get together to be naughty, but he’s the only guy I would do that with, and he’s told me he feels the same way."

—Anonymous

"But I had to pass — I was not ready for a threesome in the open for others to watch. I walked farther in and explored the different rooms until my eyes locked with another cute guy. We smiled, and my heart started to beat faster, so I took his hand and led him to a private room. It was the first time I felt another man inside me. He was sweet and passionate, as well as quiet and strong. I felt shaken.

It awoke something inside of me. It led me to be more confident in myself and what I like sexually. I’m married to a cis-woman (have been for over a decade) and am very happy. I highly recommend exploring your likes and dislikes instead of just assuming. As for that guy at the video store, I never saw him again."

—Anonymous

"This was my first (and only) time a guy had gone down on me. He got naked and offered to go further. I told him I could try but only with protection. He came back with condoms, and I tried but couldn't stay up. He asked if he could try, and at this point I just felt I was all in anyway, so I was down.

It was an interesting experience. I was taller and physically bigger and had never been in that position before, so it was a struggle at first. I kind of started to feel like it was pleasurable, and he finished. We moved to the pool and made out, then I topped him. He seemed to really enjoy it, and I really enjoyed the whole scene.

After that, he showed me where the pool's shower was. He cleaned up, opened the area back up for other people, and I left. The whole day and experience get all top marks from me. The physical part by itself is a solid B+. Good, but not enough to make me seek out guys. I haven't had another hookup with a guy since. I feel if I did it would have to be the same type of situation and circumstances."

—Anonymous

"He did all the work. I didn't finish because it felt, well, awkward. It was OK I guess, but I didn't feel comfortable having a guy doing it. I told him to stop and said sorry for wasting his time. He was understanding and held no hard feelings (he knew it was just an experiment), and I left. I'm glad I did it, but I wouldn't do it again."

—Anonymous

"...and we did oral. I got on top of him, and our bodies grinded together. I had an intense orgasm, and so did he. I ended up spending the night. We fooled around again in the shower that morning, and each had another orgasm before I left.

We continued training and working together and hooked up a few more times before John quit about a month later to move to a different city five hours away. We have sorta kept in touch, though we're both married now (him to a man, me to a woman), and I have kids. I've never felt like that about another man since then, and I doubt I will. I consider myself straight, and I'm glad that experience happened. I guess sometimes a fling is a fling, and it doesn't matter who it's with."

—Anonymous

Note: Submissions have been edited for length and clarity.

Straight men share gay experiences in revealing thread

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Straight men are sharing the “gayest things” they’ve ever done in a mesmerising Reddit thread, and it is truly eye-opening.

The question, posed on 1 January by Reddit user u/datboy7328, was simple.

“Straight males of Reddit,” they asked. “What’s the gayest thing you’ve ever done?”

The mammoth thread has had more 15,900 replies from countless men who identify as straight – and the answers range from teenagers kissing to “I tried having sex with a man”.

It’s safe to say that it’s a bit of a mixed bag – but many of the responses are truly fascinating, and provide an interesting insight into the inner thoughts of many men who identify as straight, but have experimented sexually with other men.

One reply that has garnered a lot of attention came from a straight man who opened up about letting his male friend kiss him when they were teenagers.

The commenter explained that his friend came from “a really religious household” and that he had started to come to the realisation that he might be gay.

“He asked if he could kiss me to see if it felt different from kissing a girl,” the commenter wrote. “He is my friend and I had kissed people in theatre, so I kind of figured, eh, why not?

“After the kiss, which included more tongue than I expected (which was any), he pulled back and said, ‘Thanks!’ and then immediately, ‘Aw, f**k. I’m definitely gay’.”

Another straight man revealed that his “gay experience” came when he was in high school and he played a game of “gay chicken” with a closeted schoolmate.

The game, the commenter explained, usually involves two straight men leaning towards each other “as if a kiss is about to occur”, and that the first one to “back out” loses.

“Pretty simple, dumb, raised in South Carolina, high-school boy game,” he admitted.

“One day, I was challenged by a fellow senior who unbeknownst to me, was in the closet. So, I approach it with my usual gusto, and he doesn’t back down. Our lips meet. We stay there for about two seconds and I think, hey, if I open my lips like I will kiss, he’ll back down.

“Nay. He did not. He shot his tongue right into my mouth when the moment presented. I took the L, but told him I respected his game! Years later, at a commitment ceremony between his partner and him, I got credited with being his first gay kiss… so that’s kind of cool that I didn’t turn him off men forever and make him hopelessly confused I suppose.”

Another man shared a truly heartwarming story of his “gayest moment”, and be prepared – it will likely make your heart melt.

The Reddit user explained that he and his gay friend like having “no homo bro cuddles”, and they spent one night together, in his bed, spooning through the night.

The sleepover was “completely non-sexual”, he said, but was entirely about “comfort and just to cuddle”.

“Reason being – his dad had recently died and he had been sleeping poorly since (lives alone). Said he just needed someone to cuddle with for comfort so he could get a good night’s sleep. His love life is in shambles so he didn’t want another gay man because he knew they would just ty to f**k him as part of the deal.

“So I obliged and he slept well for the first time since the funeral.”

Another straight man opened up about the time he worked as a security guard at a gay bar.

“While selling Jell-O shots at the door during a holiday party, I let a big bear man kiss me on the cheek because he asked nicely, after I gave him a free Jell-O shot for buying like 10 of em.”

Meanwhile, one man wrote: “I frenched a guy in a very drunken game of truth or dare. I have to say the big difference was the feel of stubble, and the more aggressive tongue action.”

There was also a fair share of the more NSFW responses from “straight” men who told their stories of having sex with men, but we’ll let you explore those for yourself.

How and why people invented heterosexuality

Brandon Ambrosino
BBC Future

March 31, 2017

Image copyright, Getty Images

Maybe gay and heterosexual categories are just a social invention and we won't need them again in the future, BBC Future 9 columnist speculates0017 .

Even a hundred years ago, the idea of what heterosexuality meant was markedly different from today.

The way our understanding of this term has changed can say a lot about modern throwing in the definition of gender predilections.

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Dorland's 1901 Dictionary of Medicine defined heterosexuality as "an abnormal or perverse attraction to the opposite sex".

Two decades later, in 1923, the Merriam-Webster Dictionary narrowed it down a bit to "painful sexual passion for one person of the opposite sex."

It wasn't until 1934 that heterosexuality was defined as we know it today - "expression of sexual desire for a person of the opposite sex; normal sexual orientation. " nine0011

Every time I talk about it, people don't believe me. It can't be!

Indeed, it seems to us that the concept of heterosexuality in its current form has always existed in our culture.

A few years ago, a video appeared on the Internet, the author of which asked passers-by whether, in their opinion, homosexuality is an innate trait. The answers were different, but many noted that it was a mixture of natural factors and upbringing.

After that, the decisive question for the experiment sounded: "When did you decide to become a heterosexual?". nine0011

Feeling caught in a prejudice, people were quick to agree with the reporter's point of view: apparently, homosexuals, as well as heterosexuals, are born.

The authors and participants of the experiment seemed to assume that any orientation is some indisputable fact that does not require any explanation.

Image copyright, Getty Images

Image caption,

Although heterosexual relationships are as old as the world, heterosexuality itself is a fairly recent invention

A lot of scientific and popular works have been written about homosexual identity as a social construct. And no one will be surprised by the assertion that the idea of homosexuality entered the culture at a certain point in human history.

But for some reason we know very little about the fact that the concept of heterosexuality appeared in a similar way.

There are many reasons for this, including religious prejudice and homophobia.

But the real answer to why we never thought about the origin of "heterosexuality" is that it's a natural phenomenon. Normal. There is no need to question what has always been "in itself". nine0011

However, heterosexuality did not always exist. Moreover, there is no reason to believe that this concept will forever remain in culture.

When heterosexuality was not the norm

The first thing that seems to refute the idea that the concept of heterosexuality is artificial is the argument about reproduction.

It seems obvious that the sexual act between opposite sexes has existed for as long as humanity has existed, otherwise how would our race have survived at all? nine0011

But such an argument suggests that heterosexuality is the same as reproductive intercourse.

This is actually not true.

"Sex has no history," writes gay researcher David Halperin of Michigan State University, "because it is a bodily function."

Sexuality, on the other hand, is a product of culture and therefore has a history. In other words, sex is an integral element of the existence of many species, it is a biological function. nine0011

And how sexual acts are called and what categories are distinguished in them is a historical phenomenon that can and should be studied.

Image copyright, Getty Images

Image caption,

The trial of Oscar Wilde, who was accused of gross obscenity, is generally considered a turning point in the development of a homosexual identity.

Skip Podcast and continue reading.

Podcast

What was that?

We quickly, simply and clearly explain what happened, why it's important and what's next. nine0011

episodes

End of Story Podcast

Sexual instincts exist throughout the animal kingdom (and that is sex). But at a certain point, people began to attach special importance to them (and this is sexual orientation). When we talk about heterosexuality, we mean exactly the latter.

"By 1868 there were no heterosexuals or homosexuals," says Hanne Blank, author of the study "A Remarkably Short History of Heterosexuality."

It just didn't seem to occur to people to define each other by the type of sexual relationship or desire they experienced. nine0011

Of course there were sexual behaviors, some of which were forbidden. But the emphasis has always been on the act, not the person.

So what has changed? Language.

In 1868, the Hungarian journalist Carl Maria Kertbeny coined four terms to describe sexual experience: heterosexual, homosexual, and two more now forgotten to define masturbation and bestiality, namely "monosexual" and "heterogenital".

Five health benefits of masturbation you didn't know about

But the term "heterosexual" first appeared in the literature only in 1880. In 1889, the word was included in the Psychopathia Sexualis catalog of sexual disorders.

An English translation of the study was published in the USA only in 1993. In almost 500 catalog pages, the word "heterosexual" is used only 24 times and is not even indexed.

Perhaps this is because the author of the treatise, psychiatrist Richard von Krafft-Ebing, was more interested in perversions than in the "normal" sex drive. nine0011

It should be noted that the term "normal" has been overused throughout history. At one time, both slavery and the geocentric model of the universe were considered quite normal.

Photo author, Wikimedia Commons

Photo caption,

The term "heterosexual" was introduced by the Hungarian journalist and public figure Carl Maria Kertbeny

Long before sexual intercourse began to be divided into heterosexual and homosexual, a different position reigned in the Western world - they are related or not related to childbearing. nine0011

The Bible, for example, condemns homosexual relationships for the same reason it forbids masturbation—the waste of life-giving semen.

Although this idea has always been actively promoted and promoted by the Catholic Church and other Christian denominations, it does not come from Jewish or Christian Scripture, but from the philosophy of Stoicism.

It is assumed that early Christian theologians adopted the idea of marriage and reproduction, and since the time of Blessed Augustine, one of the fathers of the Christian church, sexual intercourse for procreation was considered the only normal kind of sex.

Although Richard von Krafft-Ebing generally holds the same view of sexuality, he notes that the instinct to procreate is subconscious.

Thus, he opens up a space in which a new concept of the norm - sexual satisfaction - gradually begins to grow. nine0011

The importance of the transition from reproductive instinct to erotic desire cannot be overestimated, as it defines modern Western ideas about sexuality and sexual orientation.

Image copyright, Getty Images

Image caption,

Sexual desire began to be separated from the function of childbearing only at the turn of the 20th century (pictured next to Rodin's The Kiss sculpture)

When we think about the concept of heterosexuality today, in our imagination, there must be a story like this. nine0011

Billy understands from childhood that he is attracted to girls. One day he focuses his erotic energy on Susie, he starts wooing her, the couple fall in love and sexually fulfill their erotic desire. They live happily ever after.

But if not for Krafft-Ebing's research, this story might never have become "normal".

The understanding that sexual instinct is driven by erotic desire has revolutionized the concept of sex. It laid the foundation for the transition of the concept of heterosexuality from "pathology" to 1923 to the "norm" in 1934.

Sex and the city

Ideas and words are often products of their time. According to Hanne Blank, the concept of heterosexuality began to develop with the rise of the middle class.

At the end of the 19th century, the population of European and North American cities began to grow rapidly. People who moved to metropolitan areas brought with them their sexual perversions - prostitution, same-sex relationships, and so on. At least it was thought so. nine0011

In villages and small communities where everyone knew each other, this behavior was much easier to control, as gossip was a powerful deterrent.

The anonymity of urban life has caused an increase in "immoral" sexual behavior.

Since religion no longer had its former influence in society, a new system of control arose.

The rapidly growing middle class could no longer consider deviation from normal sexuality (that is, heterosexuality) a sin (in the religious sense) and invented the concept of moral degradation. nine0011

Image copyright, Getty Images

Image caption,

The anonymity of urban life contributed to the growth of "immoral" sexual behavior

This was the worst mark a person could get then. Degradation has become a concept opposite to social Darwinism.

If reproductive sex was crucial for the survival and evolution of species, deviation from this norm was considered a threat to the existence of society as such.

Fortunately, the then experts believed that such deviations can be treated, if, of course, they are detected quite early. nine0011

According to Krafft-Ebing, the formation of "sexual deviation" occurred in several stages, and at the first it was treatable.

Although the works of Krafft-Ebing were mostly known to specialists, the first person who began to tell the general public about sexuality was Sigmund Freud.

An Austrian psychotherapist was convinced that heterosexuals are not born, but made.

For Freud, heterosexuality was an achievement - the result of all stages of development successfully passed in childhood. nine0011

According to Freud, the path to heterosexual "normality" ran through incest - the child's sexual attraction to one of the parents of the opposite sex and the desire to kill the second - a competitor.

The formation of heterosexuality in Freud's view was a rather bloody and deeply disturbing process.

Image copyright, Getty Images

Photo caption,

Research by Alfred Kinsey (center) confirmed the existence of categories of homosexual and heterosexual behavior

However, the theory of the Oedipus complex was quite satisfactory to society, which happily accepted the new scientific explanation of what is the norm.

In 1948, the American sexologist Alfred Kinsey, in his revolutionary study "Sexual Behavior of the Male Human", identified the types of male sexuality on a scale from zero (exclusively heterosexual) to six (exclusively homosexual).

Years of research has allowed the scientist to conclude that a greater, if not overwhelming, "number of men had at least some homosexual experience in their lives." nine0011

And although Kinsey's writings for the first time point out the possibility of blurring the categories of homo- and heterosexuality, they nevertheless "strongly confirm the division of human sexuality into two polar poles."

The future of heterosexuality

This division remains to this day. “No one knows exactly why we should distinguish between heterosexuals and homosexuals,” wrote Wendell Ricketts, author of The Biological Study of Homosexuality, in 1984. “It seems only because we are convinced that such a distinction exists. ” nine0011

And although the division into these categories seems to be an eternal and unshakable fact of nature, in fact, it is not.

These are just concepts that humanity has invented recently enough to talk about what sex means to us. It's just a social construct.

And as any French philosopher or Lego kid will tell you, anything that was once constructed can be just as easily deconstructed.

If heterosexuality did not exist in the past, it need not exist in the future. nine0011

Image copyright, Getty Images

Image caption,

Writer James Baldwin refused to define people as gay or straight, arguing that "there is no basis for such divisions"

I was recently surprised by the words of Jane Ward, author of the "Not Gay" study. .

During an interview for my article on the future of sexuality and sexual orientation, she asked me, "Why don't we think that people can cultivate their sexual desires in the same way that they develop their taste for food?" nine0011

While some may find the idea of mobility, the flexibility of sexual preferences rather disturbing, we cannot close our eyes to the fact that recent scientific research disproves the theory that sexual orientation is innate.

The reasons for homosexual behavior are not exactly known to researchers, but one thing is clear that there is no specific "homosexual gene".

In my opinion, sexual desires, like all our other desires, change and transform throughout life, and these changes should also mean the emergence of new identities. nine0011

If so, then Jane Ward's remark that we can cultivate our sexual desires seems appropriate.

Although they undeniably present a subtly posed question: why are we so uncomfortable with the idea that we have power over our sexuality and can question the seemingly most unshakable argument that homosexuality and heterosexuality are the eternal truths of nature?

Once upon a time, the idea of heterosexuality was necessary because people needed to realize who they are and why they are, and also to defend the right to their identity. nine0011

Over time, this concept has become a label that limits the ways in which we can express our desires, loves, and anxieties.

Perhaps this explains why, in a recent survey, more than half of Britons aged 18-24 said they did not consider themselves 100% straight.

This does not mean that they regularly engage in bisexual or homosexual relationships. Rather, they simply no longer have such a need for the concept of "heterosexuality" as their peers in the 20th century. nine0011

Why talk about what is innate or ethical in human biological nature? After all, much of what humanity highly appreciates, for example, medicine or art, is absolutely unnatural.

And at the same time, we hate many things that are actually very natural, such as sickness and death.

If we ourselves choose which natural phenomena are considered ethical and which are not, this means that the criterion of naturalness is our mind.

But nature does not exist "out there", independently of us - we always interpret it from within, which means it is biased.

Image copyright, Getty Images

Image caption,

More and more people are saying that their sexuality has a wide spectrum

Up to this point in Earth's history, the human race has survived only through the reproductive act of different sexes. Even 100 years ago, society attached special importance to it, because, taking care of the preservation of our species, it tried to encourage this type of relationship. nine0011

But the world has changed a lot. Technologies such as pre-implantation genetic diagnosis and in vitro fertilization (IVF) are developing and improving.

The first person who was born from IVF turned 25 last year. In 2013, more than 63,000 children were conceived through IVF.

Virgins giving birth. Is sex necessary for conception?

More than 5 million children have been born through assisted reproductive technologies. Of course, this is still very little, but statistics always detract from the value of any technological advances at first. nine0011

Heterosexuality is also losing its positions from the social point of view. If once homosexual relationships caused high-profile scandals, now the world is much more often struck by the intrigues of politicians and celebrities of the traditional orientation.

Popular culture is replete with stories of failed romances and marriages. And the divorce rate and instability in relationships suggests that heterosexual couples have as many (maybe more?) problems as gay couples.

The boundary between heterosexuality and homosexuality is not only blurred, as Kinsey once assured, it is a human invention, a myth, and rather outdated. nine0011

Of course, heterosexual sexual relations will exist between men and women until the human race disappears. But heterosexuality - as a social label, as a way of life or as an identity - may disappear long before that.

Read the original of this article in English at BBC Future .

How the heterosexual myth began

Brandon Ambrosino
BBC Future

March 20, 2017

INTERFOTO / Alamy Stock Photo

The homosexual and heterosexual categories are nothing more than a social invention. Perhaps in the future we will no longer need them.

One hundred years ago, the idea of what it meant to be heterosexual was markedly different from today.

Dorland's 1901 Dictionary of Medicine defined heterosexuality as "an abnormal or perverse attraction to the opposite sex". Two decades later, at 1923, the Merriam-Webster Dictionary narrowed the meaning a bit - "painful sexual passion for one person of the opposite sex."

It wasn't until 1934 that heterosexuality was defined as we know it today - "the manifestation of sexual desire for a person of the opposite sex; normal sexuality. "

Every time I talk about it, people don't believe me. It can't be! Indeed, it seems that the concept of heterosexuality has always existed in our culture. nine0011

A few years ago, a video appeared on the net, the author of which asked passers-by whether, in their opinion, homosexuality is an innate trait. The answers were different, but many noted that it was a mixture of natural factors and upbringing.

After that, the decisive question for the experiment sounded: "When did you decide to become a heterosexual?". Feeling caught in a bias, people were quick to agree with the reporter's point of view: homosexuals, just like heterosexuals, are born. nine0011

The authors and participants of the experiment seemed to assume that any sexuality is some indisputable fact that does not require any explanation.

Image copyright, Getty Images

Image caption,

Although heterosexual relationships are as old as the world, the very concept of "heterosexuality" is a fairly recent invention.

A lot of scientific and popular works have been written about homosexual identity as a social construct. And no one will be surprised by the assertion that the idea of "homosexuality" entered the culture at a certain point in human history. But for some reason, we know very little about the fact that the concept of heterosexuality appeared in a similar way. nine0011

There are many reasons for this, including religious prejudice and homophobia. But in fact, the answer to the question of why we never thought about the origin of "heterosexuality" is that this phenomenon is natural. Normal. There is no need to question what has always been "in itself".

However, heterosexuality did not always exist. Moreover, there is no reason to believe that this concept will remain in culture forever.

When heterosexuality was not the norm

The first thing that refutes the idea that the concept of heterosexuality is artificial is the reproduction argument. It seems obvious that the sexual act between opposite sexes has existed for as long as humanity has existed, otherwise how would our race have survived at all? But such an argument suggests that heterosexuality is the same as reproductive intercourse.

This is actually not true.

"Sex has no history," writes gay researcher David Halperin of Michigan State University, "because it is a bodily function." nine0011

Sexuality, on the other hand, is a product of culture and therefore has a history. In other words, sex is an essential feature of the existence of many species, it is a biological function. And how sexual acts are called and what categories are distinguished in them is a historical phenomenon that can and should be studied.

Sexual instincts exist throughout the animal kingdom (sex). But at a certain point, people began to give them a special meaning (sexuality). When we talk about heterosexuality, we mean exactly the latter. nine0011

Image copyright, Alamy

Photo caption,

The trial of Oscar Wilde, who was accused of "gross obscenity", is generally considered a turning point in the development of homosexual identity

"By 1868 there were neither heterosexuals nor homosexuals," writes Hanne Blank, author of The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality.

It just didn't seem to occur to people to define each other by the type of sexual relationship or desire they experienced. Of course, there were sexual behaviors, some of which were forbidden. But the emphasis has always been on the act, not the person. nine0011

So what has changed? Language.

Schools in England will teach children about sex

But the term "heterosexual" first appeared in the literature only in 1880. In 1889, the word was included in the Psychopathia Sexualis catalog of sexual disorders. An English translation of the study was released in the US only in 1993 year. In almost 500 catalog pages, the word "heterosexual" is used only 24 times and does not even have an index.

Perhaps this is because the author of the treatise, psychiatrist Richard von Krafft-Ebing, was more interested in "perversions" than in "normal" sex drives.

The term "normal" has been misused throughout history. When both slavery and the geocentric model of the universe were considered quite normal.

Long before sexual intercourse began to be divided into heterosexual and homosexual, a different position reigned in the Western world - whether they are related or not related to childbearing. The Bible, for example, condemns homosexual relationships for the same reason it forbids masturbation—the waste of life-giving semen. nine0011

Photo author, Wikimedia Commons

Photo caption,

The term "heterosexual" was invented by the Hungarian journalist and public figure Karl Maria Kertbeny

The Stoics were of the opinion that for the sake of inner peace, a person should restrain his emotions and desires, including sexual ones. They insisted that sex should be purely reproductive. Early Christian theologians adopted the concept of marriage and reproduction, and in Augustine's time, sexual intercourse for procreation was considered the only normal kind of sex. nine0011

Although Richard von Krafft-Ebing generally holds this view of sexuality, he notes that the instinct for procreation is subconscious. Thus, he opens up a space in which a new concept of the norm - sexual satisfaction - gradually begins to grow.

The importance of the transition from reproductive instinct to erotic desire can hardly be overestimated, since it defines modern ideas about sexuality.

When we think about the concept of heterosexuality today, a story like this comes to mind. Billy understands from childhood that he is attracted to girls. One day he focuses his erotic energy on Susie, he starts wooing her, the couple fall in love and sexually fulfill their erotic desire. They live happily ever after. nine0011

Photo copyright, Alamy

Photo caption,

Sexual desire began to be separated from procreation only at the turn of the 20th century. The understanding that sexual instinct is driven by erotic desire has revolutionized the way we think about sex. It also laid the foundation for the transition of heterosexuality from "pathology" in 1923 to "normal" in 1934.

Sex and the city

Ideas and words are often products of their time. According to Hanne Blank, the concept of heterosexuality began to develop with the rise of the middle class.

At the end of the 19th century, the population of European and North American cities began to grow rapidly. People who moved to urban centers brought with them their sexual perversions - prostitution, same-sex relationships and so on.

In villages and small communities where everyone knew each other, it was much easier to control such behavior, because gossip was a powerful deterrent. The anonymity of urban life caused an increase in "immoral" sexual behavior. nine0011

Since religion no longer had such influence in society, a new system of control was needed. The middle class, which was growing rapidly, could no longer consider deviation from normal sexuality (that is, heterosexuality) a sin, and then invented the concept of moral degradation.

Image copyright, Alamy

Image caption,

The anonymity of city life has contributed to the growth of "immoral" sexual behavior

This was the worst mark a person could get. Degradation has become the inverse concept of social Darwinism. If reproductive sex was critical to the survival and evolution of species, deviation from this norm came to be seen as a threat to the existence of society as such. Fortunately, such deviations could be treated, if, of course, they were detected early enough, the experts said. nine0011

According to Krafft-Ebing, the formation of "sexual deviation" occurred in several stages, and at the first it was treatable.

Although the works of Krafft-Ebing were mostly known to specialists, the first person who began to tell the general public about sexuality was Sigmund Freud.

An Austrian psychotherapist was convinced that heterosexuals are not born, but made. Heterosexuality for Freud was an achievement - the result of successfully passing all stages of development in childhood. nine0011

According to Freud, the path to heterosexual "normality" ran through incest - the child's sexual attraction to one of the parents of the opposite sex and the desire to kill the second - a competitor. The rise of heterosexuality in Freud's mind was a rather bloody and deeply disturbing process.

Image copyright, Getty Images

Image caption,

Research by Alfred Kinsey (center) confirmed the existence of categories of homosexual and heterosexual behavior

However, the theory of the Oedipus complex has completely satisfied the society, which gladly accepted the new scientific explanation, which is the norm.

Years of research has allowed the scientist to conclude that a greater, if not overwhelming, "number of men had at least some homosexual experience in their lives." nine0011

The future of heterosexuality

And although the division into these categories seems to be an eternal and unshakable fact of nature, in fact, it is not. These are just concepts that humanity has invented recently enough to talk about what sex means to us.

This is only a social construct. And as any French philosopher or Lego kid will tell you, anything that was once constructed can just as easily be deconstructed. If heterosexuality did not exist in the past, it need not exist in the future. nine0011

I was recently struck by the unexpectedness of the words of Jane Ward, author of the Not Gay study. During an interview for my article on the future of sexuality, she asked me, "Why don't we think that people can cultivate their sexual desires, just as they develop their taste for food?"

While the idea of the fluidity of sexual desire may seem quite disturbing to some, we cannot close our eyes to the fact that recent scientific research disproves the theory that sexual orientation is innate. nine0011

The author of the photo, Alamy

Photo caption,

Writer James Baldwin refused to define people as gay or heterosexual, arguing that "such a division is groundless"

gene does not exist. In my opinion, sexual desires, like all our desires, change and transform throughout life, and these changes should also mean the emergence of new identities. nine0011

If so, then Jane Ward's remark that we can cultivate our sexual desires seems appropriate.

Though they certainly have a subtle challenge: why are we so uncomfortable with the idea that we have power over our sexuality and that we can question the seemingly most unshakable argument that homosexuality and heterosexuality are the eternal truths of nature?

When the idea of heterosexuality was necessary, because people needed to realize who they are and why they are, and also to defend the right to their identity. Over time, this concept has become a label that limits the millions of ways in which we could express our desires, loves and anxieties. nine0011

This may explain why, in a recent survey, more than half of Britons aged 18-24 said they did not consider themselves 100% straight. This does not mean that they regularly engage in bisexual or homosexual relationships. Rather, they no longer have such a need for the concept of "heterosexuality" as their predecessors in the 20th century.

Why talk about what is innate or ethical in the biological nature of man? Much of what humanity highly values, such as medicine or the arts, is completely unnatural. And at the same time, we hate many things that are actually very natural, such as sickness and death. nine0011

If we ourselves choose which natural phenomena to consider ethical and which not, this means that our reason is the criterion of naturalness. But nature does not exist somewhere "out there", independently of us - we always interpret it from the inside, which means it is biased.

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Image caption,

As gay rights are universally recognized, more and more people recognize that their sexuality has a wide spectrum. A hundred years ago, society attached special importance to it, because, caring about the preservation of our species, it tried to encourage this kind of relationship. nine0011

But our world has changed a lot. Technologies such as pre-implantation genetic diagnosis and in vitro fertilization are only getting better. The first person born from IVF turned 25 last year. In 2013, more than 63,000 children were conceived through IVF.

• Is sex necessary to conceive?

In total, more than 5 million children were born thanks to assisted reproductive technologies. Of course, this is still very little, but statistics always detract from the value of any technological advances at the beginning of their appearance. nine0011

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