How to handle jealous people

How to Deal With Haters and Jealous People

“Haters’ gonna hate, hate, hate” song lyrics pop into my mind when I think about jealousy. This song takes on jealousy and haters in a light hearted way; to simply shake it off. However, it’s not that easy to shake off haters and jealousy. We all have a tendency to take negative comments to heart, even when we don’t know the person well. Everyone deals with haters and jealous people. Even Mother Theresa had criticism and hatred directed at her. It doesn’t matter who you are or what positive influence you are trying to make it the world; haters will always exist. Nobody is exempt from jealousy and hatred from others, we are all subject to its cruelty during life.

It can hurt even more to have a friend who is jealous, because the actions and emotional expressions of a jealous person are not kind or loving. When it comes from a friend or loved one, we take it more personally. However, you need to understand that their jealousy is caused by their own underlying issues and it is not your fault.

Most jealousy is rooted in feelings of inadequacy

The person sees something in you or another person that makes them feel that they aren’t as good. It could be real or imagined, but the feelings of inadequacy are projected through negative thoughts or actions. Jealousy emerges as a reaction or solution to those feelings of inadequacy. For example, a woman may be jealous of her friend who makes more money, has a nice car, and designer clothing. Rather than being happy for her friend’s success this woman feels that her income, car, and clothing are inadequate by comparison. She may feel like a failure in life because her success is not even on the same scale as her friend and they graduated at the same time with the same degree.

Instead of dealing with these underlying feelings of inadequacy, the jealousy turns into little digs and insults when they are together. The jealous friend makes comments such as “it must be nice to get a new car every two years” and “wow, that purse must have cost enough to feed a small village for a month”. Those comments that are coming out of jealousy may make the jealous friend feel better momentarily, but they don’t address the underlying feelings of inadequacy and thus the jealousy will continue until the problem is addressed.

Even if the jealous friend begins making more money, or gets a better car and clothing, she will find a new friend to be jealous toward or something else with the existing friend to be jealous about, because the inadequacy is the driving force. Jealousy is a powerful force.

However, there are ways for a person to handle a jealous person that can help disarm a jealous person or prevent oneself from being exposed to jealous comments and actions. There is not a one size fits all solution to dealing with jealousy and hatred. Each situation is unique and needs to be handled accordingly. Below are some tips on how to deal with jealous and hateful people.

Delete, delete, delete

The era of social media has made it increasingly easy for people to hide behind their computer screen to hurl insults and jabs at people they know or even do not know. Much of these insults are coming from the person’s jealousy which is based on their own feelings of inadequacy or dissatisfaction with their own lives. They take to social media and they have a protected platform by which they can insult others.

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There is power in the delete button. If someone is saying something negative about you on your personal page or forum then delete their comments. If their behavior persists, then unfriend or block the person. If you don’t have the ability to delete their comments, then block the person, so you don’t have to subject yourself to their comments. They will no longer be able to see you in the online forum, so they will have to turn their jealous comments and hatred toward someone else.

You don’t have to tolerate online bullies. Delete them, to prevent yourself to being further subject to someone else’s jealousy that is based on their own insecurities. This is especially helpful if the person is not related to you or is simply an acquaintance. If it is a person in your life that you feel you cannot block on social media then you need to talk to the person about the issue head on.

Take the Issue head on

There are times when you cannot delete or avoid the comments of a jealous individual. No matter how you try to disarm the person by changing the subject, it doesn’t stop them. In those situations, the best option is to talk with them about what is happening.

Do not approach them at a time when you are angry, such as when an altercation or bout of jealousy has just occurred. Talk to them when you can be completely calm, rational, and you know what you want to say. Have your comments ready before you approach the person, so you know your talking points and have thought about their possible reactions. Talk to them in a way that you would want to be talked to, using kindness and empathy.

For example, if your co-worker is always calling out your mistakes in front of your boss, then approaching your colleague by saying “why the heck are you throwing me under the bus in front of the boss all the time?” may not cause a nice reaction. Approaching the person in such an abrupt and rude way is likely to cause a defensive reaction that will be equally if not more unkind. Instead, chose a kinder approach and you are more likely to get a response that seeks to understand where you are coming from and they are also more likely to recognize how you are feeling. Such a statement you could use in this example would be “I feel bad when you tell the boss things that I do wrong and it is affecting our working relationship, which I want to be a positive relationship”.

Taking on the issue of jealousy head on is especially important when it comes to family and close relationships. You want to improve those relationships, so let the person know that you are coming to them for that reason.

Remind yourself that it’s them and not you

Take a step back and pause when you are getting treated unfairly because of someone’s jealousy. Remind yourself that it is not you that has the problem, it is them. Their jealousy and underlying issues are causing them to act this way. Try not to take it personally. It is easier said than done. However, if you do pause and take the time to analyze why they may be acting jealous, you can begin to understand what may be motivating their behaviors, which then makes it easier to digest the circumstance.

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For example, if you have a family member who is jealous of your family vacations and makes rude comments about how much money you spend on your vacations you can reflect on her life situation. Her husband is out of work and they are unable to take vacations for the time being. She has jealousy that is actually based in her own sadness that she can’t take vacations like you are right now. Recognizing that her feelings of jealousy are actually rooted in sadness and not any actual hatred toward you can make you empathize with her life situation. Your reaction can thus be more empathetic.

Perhaps you realize you shouldn’t talk about your vacations in front of her since it is a trigger point for her at this time. Life changes, and someday they may be taking vacations again soon. When she comes to tell you about her vacation then be the bigger person by listening, giving her positive responses while she talks, and restrain from telling about your latest vacation unless she asks you about it.

Being the bigger person is never easier, but with practice it does come more naturally. What you will discover over time is that people will naturally be more drawn to you when you are interested in talking about them and not yourself. Their jealousy will subside because the focus has been turned toward the positive that is happening in their life and not lack thereof because they are comparing themselves to you.

Being the bigger person is especially important with family and close relationships. If you want your relationships to thrive, then show them that you love and care for them by talking about the positive in their life and avoiding anything about your life that may trigger their jealousy. The less you can talk about yourself, unless asked, the better, especially when it comes to someone who has jealousy issues with you.

Disarm them with positivity

Knowing that a person’s jealousy is rooted in their own insecurities, self doubt, and feelings of inadequacy can help you be more understanding and change your reaction when someone acts out in jealousy toward you. If a friend makes jealous comments toward you because of how perfect your home always looks then disarm them with a positive comment. For example, you could say “your garden is much prettier than mine, you certainly have a green thumb that I don’t have, its nice that we all have different strengths and abilities”.

Providing them with a compliment and also acknowledging that differences exist and that is normal and fine will help ease their own insecurities. You can’t compliment someone into happiness, but you can help disarm their negative comments that are rooted in jealousy if you provide them with positive feedback.

It is not always easy to compliment someone, especially if it is someone that your are not close to or you do not find them very likeable. However, it is empowering to them and to you when you practice positivity. It makes them feel better by helping them recognize the positive in themselves. It will also make you feel good when you help make someone’s day and life a little brighter.

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Words carry power. Being a positive influence in the world, especially when it comes to a person who feels like they are less than you, is a powerful force. Help others to be better and do better by focusing on the positive, especially when negative comments are coming your way. If you are able to practice this method of disarming a jealous person it will become easier and more consistent over time. You will find that they will in time return the favor with compliments toward you and others. Showing love and using positive words to encourage can be infectious, so spread it among many and your community and world will become a better place.

Ignore and avoid

There is a slim percentage of this world that simply does not change no matter what tactic you use to disarm or disengage their jealous behaviors. These haters will hate you because you are too perfect, then they will hate on you the next day because of your faults.

You can never do right by some people. These people, once you recognize who they are, should be limited or cut out of your life. You don’t need someone who is continually trying to tear you down in life. Their own insecurities may be so deeply rooted that only professional help will help change their ways. Their behavior, if it is impeding on your life, and your attempts to make them stop have not worked allow you to cut ties with the individual with more peace of mind.

There is no rule in life that says you have to be friends with every person you know or encounter. There are some mean people in this world who will always be dissatisfied by their own life and thus insult and hate on others constantly. Don’t get sucked into their drama and insults. Avoid them, change jobs if the situation is severe enough that it affecting your mental well being and attitude in life. Don’t allow this type of person to be disruptive to your life. You have control over your life and who you spend time with. Anyone who is continually hurling insults at you out of jealousy is not deserving of your time and energy. If it is a family member, you can limit your time and exposure to the person. If you feel like you need to be around them in order to spend time with the whole family, then avoid direct interactions or make contact as brief as possible. If do interact, remind yourself again that their comments are based on their own unhappiness in life and have nothing to do with you.

You cannot control the way they act, but you can control how you react to this person. Chose the higher ground, which is not reacting to their negativity. Although it will still not be pleasant, not giving them the satisfaction of seeing you upset can help you get over the situation more quickly and move on to more pleasant people and conversations. Don’t allow yourself to get cornered by a person you know is jealous of you, because the outcome will not be good. If you need to simply cut off the conversation and go somewhere else in order to avoid their comments, then do so, because you don’t need to allow yourself to be subject to anyone’s abuse.

Limit your exposure to such a person or cut them out entirely, because you are worthy of loving relationship. There are many people in this world. You don’t need to stick with friends or relationships that are salted with insults based out of jealousy. Life is too short and there are plenty of people in this world who do need a good friend or relationship. Eventually people who act this way out of jealousy will change if and when they realize nobody wants to be around their negativity.

Keep being you

Sometimes having haters is a sign that you are doing things right in life and are successful. People who are jealous of you know that you are doing well and they want that for themselves. Rather than investing their time in making their own lives, better they try to bring others down. Their insults, criticism, and hate are directed at those who they know are better than them, so they try to look for faults in those people so they can think they are better in one way or another. Their jealousy is rooted in their own failures and inadequacies in life.

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Don’t allow these people to bring you down. Keep being you and keep being successful. Don’t allow someone else’s own failures to bring you down or prevent you from pursing your dreams. Often having people that dislike you in life is a sign that you are doing a lot right which is exactly why people don’t like you. You will never have favor with everyone you encounter. People will dislike you, especially when you remind them of their own shortfalls or failings. That’s part of the deal in being successful. The more successful you become the more you will find people will become jealous and thus negative commentary will be coming your way.

Do all you can to avoid, disengage, disarm, ignore, or cut these haters out of your life. However, it is not completely unavoidable, so when it does happen don’t allow the haters to stop you for what you are doing in life. Keep being you and remind yourself that their comments are based on their own failures and dissatisfaction with life and have nothing to do with you personally.

Focus on relationships that encourage

You can not make all people happy. There will always be people who will be jealous or hateful to you. It doesn’t matter who you are, everyone has haters. Rather than focusing on changing these people to like you, focus your time and energy on those relationships that are encouraging.

There are plenty of people in this world who are good, positive, and loving. They show love to others in their relationships because they treat others how they also want to be treated. Invest your time and energy with these type of people because they are of high value in your life.

The haters should be kept at arms length or further if possible. Don’t allow the negativity from hateful, jealous people to have power over your life. Chose to be close to people who encourage and support you and your life endeavors. Be of encouragement to those you love too. You will see that the encouragement and love become increasingly symbiotic which can be empowering for everyone involved.

You determine who you allow to influence your life. If you spend a great deal of time with someone who exhibits jealousy toward you, then you will not feel uplifted or encouraged. Seek out the relationships in your life that uplift you, encourage you, and help you become a positive influence in the world.

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Relationships are powerful, so make sure yours are rooted in positivity, encouragement, and love. Forget the haters and deal with them only when needed.

Complete Guide to Deal With Jealous People Based On Psychology

If you have stumbled upon this guide, chances are you recently had an uncomfortable interaction with someone who showed jealousy towards you and now you want to know exactly how to handle such jealous people.

Maybe you mentioned something about your progress or an achievement, or just how well things have been going for you lately, and all of a sudden you could smell hints of jealousy from them. It may be their expression or lack thereof, or their indirect comments that made you feel uncomfortable.

The fact is, we all, at some point, have not just faced jealous people but also experienced some emotions of jealousy or envy within ourselves as well, even if it’s in its mildest form. So it’s a common and somewhat relatable emotion.

In this guide, we’ll look into the Psychology of Jealousy. What exactly goes on in a jealous person’s mind. And then, based on that psychological analysis, we’ll look into 8 effective ways to help you deal with jealous and envious people while being able to handle such uncomfortable interactions proactively.

(Additionally, If you want to learn about the 11 Major Signs of Jealous and Insecure People, watch this video below)

Envy Vs. Jealousy

Envy and jealousy are closely related terms.

Envy is when you want something that someone else has.

Jealousy is when a person is insecure or afraid that someone might be better than them and might take something away from them.

For example, Tom wants to be acknowledged and be the center of attention in a gathering, but someone comes who might be drawing people’s attention more than Tom. Tom might feel as if that person is taking people’s attention away from him.

In Tom’s mind, his sense of worth is getting threatened by the presence of this newcomer, even though this person might not have done anything against Tom.

Since these two emotions are closely related in terms of the psychology behind them, this guide is useful for both, how to deal with jealous AND envious people.

So What Causes Someone To Be Jealous Of You?

Jealousy is often rooted in personal insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. A person who is deeply fulfilled and truly happy with his/her life would never feel jealous of anyone, nor would they feel insecure about someone else’s growth and well-being.

Now there are varying forms of insecurities and feelings of inadequacy but we’ll look at the general psychology behind jealousy.

The Psychology Behind Jealousy

If someone is jealous of you, it probably means they see something in you that they couldn’t achieve or become.

It could be the smallest of things that could make the other person feel inadequate because they might have some insecurities in that area of life or might have self-esteem issues, even though apparently they might portray themselves as confident.

The Tendency to Compare Themselves To Others

Some people just have a pattern of comparing themselves to others and wanting to be superior and dominant due to their insecurities.

Their sense of self-worth is attached to being better than someone else, so you might find such people trying to prove their worth and dominance or trying to make the other person look inferior so they could feel good about themselves.

Someone Who Is Jealous Might Not Be A Bad Person Overall

Having said that, someone doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad or negative person to feel jealous.

Sometimes certain things indirectly trigger people’s insecurities and weak spots. And in trying to overcome that, they take on a defensive approach to show their worth, or worse, an offensive approach to downplay the other person.

Jealousy Is Not Always About Physical Blessings

We often think that jealousy is linked to physical blessings. If you are financially and professionally better off than someone or you have a great family life or you just have good looks, someone might feel jealous of you. But that is not always the case.

Sometimes even the people who are apparently doing much better than you, would feel jealous of your achievements or just simply feel insecure by your well-being.

That might be because they could see the confidence and courage in you to stand up for your life and follow your calling. Something that they wished they had done in their lives.

They see you doing things that they never did. They see the potential in you and might feel threatened by your progress and growth lest you get ahead of them in the near future.

What Is A Jealous Person Focused On?

People who tend to feel jealous or insecure about others’ progress and well-being, tend to focus on what they don’t have, instead of being happy about others’ happiness or appreciating their achievements.

They instantly compare themselves to others who might be doing better than them in a particular area. Their subconscious mind processes it as “why don’t I have that?” and their mind comes up with a variety of answers to defend their position and identity.

They might then come up with thoughts such as:

“oh he is just privileged and lucky”

“I didn’t have the choices, opportunities, or resources that he/she has.”

“Oh her success is just temporary, it will all be gone soon.”

“Who does he think he is, I’m far better than him in this, this, and this area…”

Such subconscious thoughts might translate into hateful and toxic comments, criticisms, passive aggression, changing the topic of conversation, cross-questioning the other person to find loopholes and weaknesses, and a variety of such toxic behaviors.

Having said all of that, this is not to judge or have negative assumptions about someone. The point is to just take a peek and understand the mindset that breeds jealousy.

If you want to learn about how to spot hidden jealousy in someone, check out the article below in which we’ll look into 11 telltale signs of jealousy and insecurity.
11 Major Signs Of Jealous & Insecure People

Can a Jealous Person Ever Change?

Jealousy is not usually an attribute or a trait. It’s an emotion and the feelings of jealousy can transform in most cases.

By avoiding things that trigger jealousy in someone and changing your approach towards such people who tend to feel jealous of you, you can influence their behavior in a positive way.

The First 5 strategies that we are about to look into below will help you do exactly just that. In the last 3, we’ll discuss what to do when such jealous people don’t change even after you’ve done what you could.

8 Effective Ways To Deal With Jealous People

We just looked into the psychology behind a jealous mindset. Based on that, here are 8 ways to effectively deal with jealous people and quickly recover from such uncomfortable interactions.

1. Empathize With Them

Since now you know the root causes behind jealousy, it is easier to have some empathy for the person feeling jealous.

We never know what might be going on in people’s lives, so give them some benefit of doubt. Maybe they are feeling jealous of your professional progress because things might not be going so smooth for them financially even after working hard, day and night.

They might be feeling jealous of your family life because they are going through a challenging phase in their marriage or having a hard time with their kids.

Maybe they have their own internal insecurities and self-esteem issues and that is why they feel jealous towards you.

Jealousy is essentially a painful emotion to have. So it only fits that we have some empathy for the pain they are putting themselves through before we come to harsh judgments.

2. Avoid Talking About Yourself And Give Them Importance Instead

If you want to take ONE thing from this entire guide, take this.

When you realize someone is feeling insecure or jealous when you talk about your life, just stop talking about yourself. This is surprisingly one of the most common causes of jealousy and insecurity.

Even people who are essential good-hearted can feel insecure if someone is talking too much about themselves.

No matter how good a person is, everybody has their own internal insecurities of some form.

When you talk too much about your successes and well-being, it stimulates an urge in them to prove themselves worthy and important, so they either reciprocate and start showing off their own achievements or begin to downplay and undermine your success so that they don’t feel worthless.

What you must do instead, is to give them importance and let them talk about their life.

Actively listen and engage with them when they tell you how great their vacation went or how amazing their job is. Show excitement and genuine appreciation for them. Be happy in their happiness and you’ll find people feeling comfortable with you, respecting you, and developing good relations with you.

3. Take Their Hateful Comments With A Smile

Silence at the right time can often be a very powerful tool. When someone says something hateful and toxic to you, instead of getting angry or hurt, smile back at them with silence and confidence.

You’ll usually see two responses to your confident silent smile in such scenarios.

Either you’ll see confusion on their faces since they might be expecting a reaction from you. But when they don’t get what they were looking for, their mind will get scrambled and their pattern will be broken.
If they don’t have animosity towards you but just showing hints of jealousy because of their own personal insecurities, then you’ll probably see their jealous behavior disintegrate in a couple of minutes or even a few seconds.

4. Address The Matter Head-on

If nothing else works, you can confront the person head-on but in a calm and wise manner. You wouldn’t want to start a fight with them.

If you find someone constantly talking behind your back or passing indirect/passive-aggressive comments towards you, find a time when they are free and somewhat relaxed, and then talk to them regarding this.

Ask them if they have any problems with you or is there anything you did that offended them. Tell them that you want to have good relations with them and their comments or behavior is making it harder for you to be in good terms.

If they are not utterly vindictive or have a deep grudge towards you, they’ll probably disarm and leave their toxic practices and have you in high regard since you handled their negative behavior with such positivity.

5. Do Some Random Acts Of Kindness Towards Jealous People

If the jealous person you are dealing with is one of your friends or family members. Chances are you interact with them regularly. In that case, try doing random favors and acts of kindness towards them.

Kindness has the power to dismantle jealousy and animosity while kindling love and respect in the receiver’s heart.

It will take them by surprise when you do something good for them out of the ordinary since they might not be expecting that, especially from you.

6. Limit Your Interaction With Them Or Remove Them From Your Life

The first 5 strategies were focused on you proactively doing your part to improve your relations with people who show envy or jealousy towards you.

Now after doing all that, you still find them having the same toxic behavior, then it’s better to save yourself from such toxicity and keep a distance from them. They might have strong internal insecurities that make them vulnerable to small little things. In that case, anything you do might make them feel insecure and threaten their worth.

Dealing with such vulnerable and unpredictable people is like walking on eggshells since their jealousy could get triggered by the smallest of actions and gestures. And that can be utterly draining. Being on your toes all the time is not pleasant at all, in fact, it’s mentally and emotionally tiring.

If you can’t completely remove them from your life, let’s say they are your relatives or your co-workers, then be reserved and limit your interaction with them.

When you do have to interact, keep your personal/professional life out of the conversation. Even when they ask about your life, answer briefly and neutrally, then switch the conversation to a more general topic, or better yet close the conversation and move on.

7. Know Who Is Worth Your Time & Energy And Who Isn’t

Knowing when and where to invest your time and energy is one of the most important distinctions you must develop to know with whom you might apply which of these strategies.

You don’t want to be draining your mental and emotional energy on people who seem to be a lost cause. People who don’t hold much value in your life.

If someone plainly dislikes you for who you are, there is no point in trying to please them and exhausting yourself trying to change their minds.

It’s okay to make peace with the fact that some people ARE going to dislike you for no apparent reason. It might be their problem, not yours. They might just have a very negative outlook on life and have a deprived, insecure mindset.

Or it’s just that your values and overall energy does not match with them even though they might be good people generally.

If they are still showing jealousy towards you, even after you’ve made efforts to make peace with them, then they are bringing misery upon themselves by cultivating such behaviors and emotions.

They are doing this to themselves and you don’t have to worry about it anymore since you have done your part.

We cannot change a person who is determined to be unhappy and finds reasons to do so. It’s also difficult to transform someone who has been living all of his/her life unconsciously, unaware of their own thoughts and emotions, and how it is impacting their well-being.

8. Spend More Time & Energy On People Who Genuinely Like You

Certainly, you might have people in your life who like you and are genuinely happy for you. Invest your mental and emotional energy on them. They are the ones who truly deserve your care, attention, and thoughts. Give them a place in your mind and heart while removing anyone who doesn’t deserve to occupy your thoughts and mind space.

No matter what you do in life, there will always be both types of people, ones who like you and genuinely want good for you, and ones who won’t like you at all. It is important that we accept this fact and be in harmony with it.

If someone doesn’t like us or feels jealous of us, it doesn’t take anything away from us, does it? So why sweat over it.

There are so many other positive things and great people out there. Let’s choose to focus our attention on that from now on.

How to communicate with envious people? | Knower

Envious people will appear in our lives, and no one is immune from this. From yesterday's article, you learned the signs that someone is secretly jealous of you, and today I will tell you how to communicate with such people and what to do so that their envy does not become your problem

Confrontation is the first step towards understanding the reason for the hostility of a person who is envious of you. nine0005

If a person says how good everything turned out for you, he feels resentment and bitterness about this. Tell him about your failures, and that things don't always go well for you.

Try to remain as calm as possible. Try to speak quietly so that the other person does not feel attacked.

✔️ Empathize

Now you know what makes the other person jealous, and it will be easier for you to empathize with him. Being a person with a big heart can be difficult, but as you gain experience, it will come more naturally. nine0005

They may be jealous of your promotion because they worked hard to earn your boss's respect.

They may be jealous of your life because they are going through a difficult period.

Envy is a disgusting feeling, so it's better to show a little empathy for the struggle they're going through instead of judging them.

✔️ Compliment them

Knowing that a person's jealousy is caused by their self-doubt can help you become more open-minded and respond without anger. nine0005
For example, if they are jealous of how nice your apartment looks, you could say that you like their area better and their house is newer/modern.

You cannot fully satisfy them with compliments, but you can help them get rid of their negative attitude towards you.

✔️ Talk about how you feel

If you are talking to a close friend, use "I" statements to convey your feelings about one particular remark or action the person said or did. nine0005
For example, say: “ I feel embarrassed when you talk nasty things about me to our colleagues because it makes me feel like I was rude to you .”

Never say " You make me feel... ", " This makes me feel... " and the like, as these are vague statements. Try to be specific so that the other person can easily digest the information.

✔️ Explain how their actions affected you

Don't put your emotions aside. Explain how their actions affected you and be specific about them.

For example, you could start by saying, “ I feel depressed when you ignore me while you communicate well with others. It makes me feel like you don't want me to be part of the company anymore."

✔️ Limit Your Communication

The first five tips are for you to actively contribute to a better friendship or relationship with the person you are jealous of. nine0005
If you notice that they are still exhibiting the same toxic behavior, try to keep your distance from them. And if you do communicate with them, do not talk about professional or personal topics.

✔️ Ignore them

Have you tried all the tips mentioned but nothing good came of it? Then it's probably best to cut them out of your life.

You can never be right with the wrong people, and sometimes there is simply no other choice but to "throw away the shoe that hurts the foot." After all, there is no set of rules in life that says you have to be friends with everyone you meet. nine0005
✔️ Spend more time with people who truly love you

This will not only save you headaches, but also attract good things into your life, such as happiness, contentment and love.

Being the object of envy may not be as cool as it seems, and sometimes even cause a lot of problems.

Keep in mind that no matter who you are, there will always be two types of people in your life: those who genuinely like you and those who don't like you. nine0004

How to deal with envious people at work.
Your relationship with the world
Incredible facts

Do you think that you someone jealous? Pay attention to the following signs.

Almost everyone has experienced envy at some point in their lives.

This is a natural emotion that is sometimes difficult to avoid.

Basically, envy is the fear that we might lose something or someone. For this reason, we are trying our best to prevent loss. nine0005
Although we can control our emotions, we cannot control the emotions of another person.

When someone envies you, this person tries to get into your soul and control you, because it is difficult for him to control his emotions.

Here are 8 main signs that black envy feeds on you, and how you can fix it.

Feeling of envy

1. False praise

The person who is jealous of you is often the first to compliment you. However, as soon as you leave his field of vision, he rolls his eyes or belittles you in front of others.

Such a person would rather pretend not to be jealous than tell you what he thinks to your face.

One way to turn envy against oneself is to pay a sincere compliment to a person when he succeeds. This will let him know that you are a sincere person and help him cope with negative feelings.

2. Downplay your progress

No matter how hard you work and no matter what success you achieve, envious people will always convince you that this is just an accident . They will do everything possible to prove that your merits did not require any effort from you.

Since they have nothing to be proud of, they take pleasure in convincing others that your successes are insignificant.

If you react to such behavior, the person may speak even worse about you. nine0029 Stay humble but firm in your accomplishments . If you brag, you will be even more jealous.

3. Boast about their success

An envious person tends to boast of his achievements, exaggerating them. At the same time, most often he begins to advertise his successes at the moments of your triumph. These are the people who can announce their engagement at your wedding.

You must understand that there are always people who are full of negativity not only in relation to others, but also to themselves and his abilities.

If you get upset, they will feel they have the right to continue this behavior. Instead, sincerely praise their accomplishments. . Someone else's example is the best way to change someone's behavior.

How to get rid of envy

4. Imitate you

The one who envies you wants to be better than you, but at the same time the same as you. He may mimic your way of speaking and dressing to make you feel better. nine0005
Instead of being upset, motivate them to find their own way . Reward them when they do something of their own.

Show that they don't have to be like you to be the best, that they can be themselves.

5. Compete with you

Envious people are often competitive because they want to be the only ones who reap the benefits of success, as are either insecure or arrogant and want to prove their superiority nine0030 .

Although you may have a burning desire to put them in their place, give up unhealthy competition and do not participate in it . Not participating in this game will decrease the chance that they will want to continue.

6. Rejoice at your failures

An envious person will secretly rejoice when you make mistakes, when you are scolded or corrected at work or at school f. Although they may not show it, they often enjoy your failures. nine0005
Accept your mistakes gracefully. You can always remind them that mistakes are part of life. If you don't get upset, they won't get the pleasure they expect .

7. Gossip behind your back

Envious people will always find a reason to gossip behind your back. They may say mean and hurtful things about you.

In this case, it is best to talk openly with them nine0030 . Since envious people rarely openly confront someone, talking seriously about what they are doing will make them think about their behavior or stop.

8. They hate you

If there is a person who hates you for no clear reason, most likely he is jealous of you. This can be difficult to come to terms with, since it is unpleasant for any of us to think that someone hates us for no reason.

With you in the same team, the most correct thing is to let them know that this is not a secret for you. It is better to do this in front of everyone and in a playful tone. This will knock the cards out of the hands of the enemies, because now their intrigues have a justified reason, which has become clear to everyone. nine0005
Be calm and let them get over your anger and hatred. It also happens that this is a property of character and they just need to experience such feelings for someone. Not seeing you as a frightened victim, they may lose interest in your person and spread to someone else.

Do not react painfully to the attacks of the ill-wisher, do not show that this is unpleasant for you. Nothing affects people like your confidence and strength. Use your sense of humor, make the ill-wisher an object of ridicule so that he simply fears you. Find a weak spot and make it the target of your "harmless" banter - you will be bypassed. nine0005
Sometimes hostility is caused by complexes and self-doubt. Try to act "on the contrary" and, feeling the hostility of a colleague, on the contrary, begin to treat him with emphatic politeness, respect and benevolence. Such people can be very vulnerable internally and your indifference can be interpreted as neglect. If they see that you treat them well, then their hatred will also pass.

Try not to give rise to and not become a target for unkind attitude towards yourself. Do not participate in intrigues, do not enter any groups and do not spread gossip. Conscientiously and efficiently fulfill your own, without shifting it onto the shoulders of others. Be polite to everyone, behave evenly and affably towards everyone. Sane and adequate people simply will not experience anger and other negative emotions towards you. nine0005
Related videos

Enemies are encountered on the life path of every person. They like to question his potential, laugh at him, and sometimes openly try to harm him. However, you can always find effective ways to deal with them.

Identification of ill-wishers

Before you start fighting with ill-wishers, you need to identify them. After all, it often happens that they are in the circle of relatives and friends. At the same time, when they say unpleasant things, it is especially difficult to hear them. If the remarks of loved ones suppress a person, if after them he gives up, then you need to face the truth and admit that these people are really ill-wishers. nine0005
However, no matter how hard it is, it is worth considering: what if they are right after all? In this case, it is necessary to think about what real obstacle can stand in the way of the goal and think about how it can be overcome. The right solution is almost always found.

It is often possible to harm a person very much by suggesting negative thoughts to him. In this case, you need to replace them with your own positive beliefs.

How to turn an enemy into an ally

Since ill-wishers have always been and will always be, you should learn to simply ignore them. They cannot harm the person who has them. If the negative comes from close people who cannot be ignored, it is better to lure them to your side. You can simply agree with their statements and ask for help. Every person is pleased when his opinion is listened to. Most likely, he will gladly come to the rescue and soon turn into an ally.

You can pretty much ruin someone's life just by using jokes and ridicule. In order to disarm a mocker, sometimes it is enough to laugh with him. nine0005
Sometimes it happens that people simply misunderstand the actions and deeds of others, then their biased attitude can be caused by the lack of accurate information. You just need to enlighten them about your actions and intentions. If this is done in a tactful, polite way, a person's opinion can change, and he will change his attitude.

If, however, it is not possible to convince a negatively inclined colleague or acquaintance, there is no need to quarrel, swear with him, and, moreover, go on to insults. You just need to go to the goal, not paying attention to it. nine0005
Unfortunately, there are ill-wishers in everyone's life. But this is only one of the many obstacles to achieving the goal. And, like any obstacle, you need to boldly overcome it. Any, even the most violent ill-wisher, if desired, can be defeated or turned into an ally.

Sometimes managers use their official powers in the wrong way and go down to outright rudeness towards an employee. It is important to remain calm and remember that it is not part of your job duties to endure humiliation from your boss. nine0005

Melee weapons against temper

This, of course, is not about weapons specifically. Your calmness will be your main attribute in the fight against the arbitrariness of the leader.

As a rule, such leaders are energy vampires. For their own satisfaction, they need you to lose your temper. Don't let these people feed on your emotions, keep them to yourself.

If your boss raises his voice at you, politely ask him to change his tone. Say something along the lines of: “I understand the situation is critical, but could you please follow the chain of command. Your high position does not give you the right to raise your voice at me. Besides, I will understand your demands much sooner if we discuss the problem calmly and in a businesslike manner.” nine0005
Some managers humiliate an employee by loudly (for the whole office) calling him to his office by his last name. Go to the head and also calmly notify that you have a first and middle name. The exception is the presence in one firm of people with the same names and patronymics, but such cases are rare. And in order to call to your office, there is a telephone and electronic form of communication.

An organized manager is required to schedule a meeting with the employee on any issue in advance and notify him of this at least 5 minutes before the conversation. In emergency cases, there is a secretary to call the employee. If you yourself hold the position of secretary, do not be afraid to ask the manager to wait two minutes so that you have time to mentally and documentarily prepare. nine0005
The human factor

Leaders are people too. And they also have emotional breakdowns due to fatigue or domestic problems.

Try to treat heightened emotionality in a human way and politely note that you understand everything and know how to sympathize, but work is still a different level of relationships, and you should not transfer domestic problems into work.

Sexual harassment at work

It is not uncommon for managers to use their influence to persuade an employee they like to have an intimate relationship. nine0005
As soon as you feel the unhealthy interest of management, firmly indicate that such actions should stop immediately, otherwise you will be forced to contact the police.

Labor Code to help

If you think that the employer infringes on your labor rights, do not be too lazy to re-read the Labor Code of the Russian Federation at your leisure. Write down or print out the norms that apply to your situation. Use your knowledge and refer to the laws during the conversation with the manager. nine0005
Ask for your job description or a copy. Let it always be at your fingertips in order to avoid misunderstandings when the manager tries to dump other people's responsibilities on you.

An employer cannot force you to write a letter of resignation of your own free will or threaten to forfeit your bonus if there are no legal grounds for this.

Do not be afraid to use a voice recorder or video recording in case of threats and illegal actions of the boss. nine0005
Remember that in labor disputes, the employee as the legally weaker party wins.

Related video

In working groups, especially in women's groups, relations between employees are not always smooth and friendly. Often intrigues and gossip become a kind of entertainment for some colleagues, or your person just annoys them. You feel this unkindness and often make mistakes, get nervous and stop doing your job. You need to protect yourself from employees even if most of them are against you.

I have friends who are very jealous of me. Although nothing special happens in my life. We have an apartment in a mortgage, the work is average, the husband is not an oligarch, the children are not geeks. But all the same, such acquaintances will find something to envy!

For example, there was a case when I took a couple of hours off from work to go to the clinic. Met a friend there. She asked how I got to the doctor during my working hours. I honestly answered that they let me go for a couple of hours, no more. So she began to lament, how lucky I am in life, and the authorities let me go! And she has to take the whole day at her own expense and stuff like that. I felt very uncomfortable. nine0005
I thought that we should somehow solve the problem with such envious people. But how? I decided to read different literature on the Internet. I chose a few points and decided to follow them.

1. I don't pay attention .

I read that one should try not to pay attention to the angry exclamations of envious people. I started pretending that it didn't bother me.

Many of my envious girlfriends have really lost interest. Although it seems to me that with this they have lost all interest in our friendship. As if she only held on to the fact that they found something to envy and something to talk about. nine0005
2. I don’t tell envious people about anything .

I stopped sharing any information in the circle of people where my envious people are. Sometimes I forget and talk about something new. And my envious friends immediately show their essence! But I have already learned to use the first point - I do not pay attention!

3. I value my life and the lives of others .

Since I understood the true meaning of this phrase, I have a slightly different attitude towards envious people. I think these people just live like that. This is their path, and I think they chose it consciously. nine0005
When I talk about myself or my life, I always emphasize that everything is the same with everyone else, nothing special. And if I suddenly feel envious glances or hear words of envy, then I always tell the person in a calm tone that everything will work out for him.

Moreover, at this moment I sincerely wish that everything would be so. My sincerity began to dull the envy of my friends. I help them get positive.

I began to appreciate my own life and the lives of other people. It happens that I like everything in a person, except for the feeling of envy. And for the sake of our friendship and our relations I do not provoke, I do not speak once again about my successes. nine0005
How do you feel about envious people? How do you communicate with them?

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This method of speaking will help you to more tactfully express your attitude towards jealousy behavior on the part of this person and describe how it affects you. If you are in a close relationship with a person who is showing jealousy towards you, look for a way out in constructively working through the issue of trust with your partner. And finally, study the features of such a phenomenon as jealousy, and ways to change the situation for the better. nine0005
Steps

Understanding the nature of jealousy

Don't worry if this person behaves negatively around you. Jealousy makes people invent a lot of non-existent negative phenomena about themselves and about relationships. If you are in a relationship with a person who is very jealous of you, then most likely he will take many of your words and actions personally, even when this does not apply to him. For example, if you spend an evening together and you are tired after a long day and want to come home early to go to bed, this person will conclude that you are bored with him. nine0005

In response to negativity on his part, don't get defensive. Just be open about what's going on inside of you. For example: “I don’t yawn because I’m bored with you. I like spending time with you. I am very sleepy because I had to get up at 5 am today to get to work early.”

Pay attention if you notice that a person pays attention exclusively to everything good that is in your life, and ignores everything bad. Often people who experience jealousy are unable to realize the full complexity of the life of another person, because they are too busy with their own experiences and fears. nine0003

Consider whether your partner in your relationship is feeling fearful or threatened. Some jealous people tend to see everything good that a loved one has as a threat to themselves.

For example, they may constantly talk about what wonderful friendships you have with other people, because they themselves do not feel that there is a good friendship between you, and this makes them jealous. Unfortunately, any good relationship with other people will be perceived by them as a threat, even if you do not perceive them at all and do not even compare these relationships. nine0024

Be careful: social networks can make things worse. People are often unable to appreciate the complexity of relationships and life situations, viewing them through the prism of social networks. For example, someone who is jealous of you may perceive your life as a series of cheerful photos on your page. This distorted view may give them the impression that they know both you and your life well, although in reality they may be very far from this. nine0005

Change your privacy settings on your social media page.

Learn how and when to distance yourself from a person. If you understand what becomes the trigger for an explosion of jealousy, it will be easier for you to correct the situation. For example, if one of your friends gets jealous every time they hear that you have a new boyfriend, you can choose one of several options.

You can avoid talking about your relationship with guys with or in front of this person. You can not post photos with a new guy on social networks. And finally, do not arrange joint gatherings with a jealous friend and your boyfriend. nine0024
But remember that you need to find a solution that allows your ex to come to terms with the situation, not just avoid it.

Sometimes the best thing is to give such a person a little more space without you. If you see the person withdrawing, communicate briefly and in a positive way. For example, if this is a work colleague, you could say, “I heard you had great sales this month. Keep it up!"

Effective Communication

nine0002 Share your feelings with the person. If this is a conversation with a friend who is showing jealousy towards you, use "I-statements" to communicate your feelings about this to him. Start with "I feel" and then describe how you felt about one time this person said or did something out of jealousy.

Describe the behavior that makes you feel that way. It is necessary to talk only about the behavior that you can observe, without mentioning the reasons that, in your opinion, caused this behavior. nine0003

Explain how this person's actions affect you, or how you tend to interpret them. Give reasons why you feel the way you do. Shed some light on your perception of jealousy and related memories, feelings, expectations, and so on in the context of a friendship or romantic relationship.

For example, you could explain your feelings in the following way: “I get annoyed when you ask if I plan to spend time with my other friends, because I automatically assume that you will be upset when you find out that I want to spend time with them time." nine0024
You can also tell how you interpret certain of his actions. For example, you could say, "I get annoyed when you ask me again if I want to spend time with my other friends because I get the feeling that you don't trust me and you keep expecting me to betray you. "

Try not to place all the blame on the other person in your explanations. For example, it's best not to say, "I feel like I have to answer your texts because you're always jealous." nine0024

Ways to overcome jealousy in a relationship

Distinguish where ordinary human jealousy ends and addiction and violence begin. Below are a few warning signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship. If the person next to you is trying hard to isolate you, control you, or shows other extremes because of jealousy, you need help.
nine0002 Seize a quiet moment and invite your partner to talk. Say you want to sit down and talk for a few minutes about your relationship. Ask if it is a convenient time for him to have such a conversation. Choose a place where you can speak calmly and openly.

Turn off the TV or any other source of noise. Sit down and focus on the conversation.

Tell your partner openly about your feelings. Use the statements that are given in the first section of the article. Try to convey what is happening to you and how his jealousy affects you and your relationship. nine0005

In addition to expressing your feelings, you may want to discuss when exactly these jealousy attacks started and how it affects your relationship. For example, you could say, "Because I used to have a very jealous boyfriend, I was very alarmed when I received your text asking who I was with."

Concentrate on making your point clear. When you describe your feelings, explain how your memories, expectations, hopes, or conclusions from the situation provoke these feelings. Start phrases with: “I imagined…”, “I understand that…” or “I wanted…” to explain to your partner what is going on inside you as clearly as possible. nine0003

Try to solve the trust problem that has arisen together. This means both people must take a proactive stance in order to build mutual trust. Take and analyze a specific problem in your relationship. Everyone should speak out and explain what behavior he expects from his partner in a given situation. You can jointly come up with any tasks for each other that will allow you to resolve the situation in a positive way. An example of an active decision would be the following: "Every time I talk to a girl, I will catch your eye for a couple of seconds to mentally tell you that I love you." nine0005

Try not to make big or unrealistic demands. For example, saying "I wish you didn't hang out with girls anymore" isn't a very healthy way to deal with a problem. The solution must be practical and feasible.

Develop your communication skills as a couple. When discussing jealousy or any other relationship problem, use a couple of simple communication techniques to build mutual respect and acceptance. First of all, speak in short sentences. Second, show empathy for the other's experience. And third, acknowledge what they have said and in return demonstrate your understanding of what your partner has expressed. nine0005

Use short sentences and be honest and open with your partner. Say, "It hurts me that you suspect me of cheating."

Show empathy in the conversation. Say, “I really appreciate your honesty and willingness to share your feelings with me. I know it was not easy for you to say all this.

When answering your partner's words, repeat often what he said. For example: "You say you're uncomfortable because I'm friends with your ex-boyfriend, and now I'm thinking about what I can do to make you feel safe." nine0024

Unfortunately, not everyone can be happy looking at the happiness and success of others. may be your closest friends. But why? We will try to answer these questions further.

What is meant by the term "envy"

It is common to understand several things by envy. First, to have what the other person has. Secondly - the wish of evil for another person, and thirdly - the behavior of "a dog in the manger" (I don't have it, so no one will have it). nine0005
Why do people feel jealous? There are reasons for this, such as:

More beautiful, from the point of view of the envious, appearance (for example, tall). It is clear that nothing can be done about this, except how to begin to perceive appearance differently.

Beautiful and expensive things.

The best position.

Having a family or a wonderful love relationship.

Good relationship with parents.

Other reasons.

Destructive feeling

Psychologists around the world are beginning to agree that even the most unpleasant human emotions serve him well. Thus, fear is designed to ensure the safety and security of a person's life. This is the main job of the brain - to do everything possible to ensure a comfortable existence. At the same time, comfort is understood as a well-known way of behavior. What is the positive side of such a destructive feeling as envy? Other people's successes act as a kick to achieve their own. But in the usual sense, this is still the same defense mechanism. Man is a social being, and it is pleasant for him to think that he is not alone in his grief. At the same time, other people's trophies inflate the envious failures to incredible proportions. nine0005

Roots of envy

Why are people envious? This destructive feeling appears in early childhood. And, as is often the case, adults themselves are to blame. Of course, moms and dads only want the best. Every adult, when he was a child, could hear something like: "Look, Olya is so good at drawing, and you?" And what does the little man feel? Probably, the answer would be something like this: "I hate this Olya! Why do my parents love her more?" Children's perception is different from adults. Toddlers have only two categories, "I am loved" and "I am not loved." Comparing children to each other, adults not only spoil the relationship, but also instill in the child feelings of self-doubt, fear, distrust. Such a kid in adulthood will be afraid to change anything, feeling deprived, offended by the world, incapable of anything. nine0005

How to recognize envy

Let's move on to the question of how to recognize envious people. There are several signs that will betray those with a head:

Hatred without objective reasons. If you've faced hate but haven't done anything to deserve such a reaction, you can assume that you're just being envied. Nothing can be done in this case. The best option is not to go into conflict and let go of the created situation with the world.

Gossip. Another feature of how envious people behave. If you have become a source of gossip, then this is a sure sign that you are envied. To get involved in a conflict means to spread it further. Most often, envious people tend to talk behind their backs. They do not have the courage to go into direct conflict. The weapon against this is a direct conversation with the gossips. nine0024
The joy of failure. The envious will simply fly on wings, no worse than from first love, when he witnesses the defeat of the one for whom he feels this feeling. Do not worry. No one is immune from mistakes. Skills and concentration are able to return past results, and the envious person will remain in the same place where he was. The very experience of a negative feeling gives them a certain pleasure. The same low self-esteem prevents them from moving forward. Don't give in to negativity and move forward boldly. Maybe your small failure will turn into your biggest victory in time. nine0024
Envious people are the closest competitors. They are always and everywhere trying to get on the same level with you, although you are just doing your own thing, without regard to others. Enjoy life without turning around to those who burn you with their eyes from behind. The best weapons are confidence and a sense of humor.

Copying an image, thinking, style. Keep your composure. Talk to someone who is jealous of you, explain the importance of being yourself, and not a copy of another person. Maybe this will be the beginning of a great friendship and you will become the one with whom the other will start big changes and good luck. nine0024
Exaggeration of one's merits. Author Bly puts it this way: "In any environment, there are people who are filled with negativity about themselves and the environment, fictional weakness. As a rule, this is associated with financial wealth and a desire to live better than it seems in the present moment." What can be done? Admire the success of the envious. This will give him confidence.

Belittling success. Whatever you do, the envious person will try to convince you and the environment that this is just a coincidence, and you are lucky. Unpleasant, of course, but perhaps treats this with understanding. nine0024
False joy. How to recognize an envious person? Very simple. He will congratulate you, praise and compliment you exactly until you leave the room.

Patience and politeness

It became clear why people are envious, but what to do about it? Ideally, just stop talking. If this is not possible, be patient. As it became clear, envy is often the result of self-doubt. How to behave with envious people if you have to see each other every day within the framework of the work team? Encourage the one who envies you, praise, celebrate his successes, be polite. Remember, in any situation, you choose whether she owns you or vice versa. Look at what is happening from the outside, as if you had to play an exciting game. This technique will free you from emotions and give a larger viewing angle. A simple example: when you watch a football match, you can see the entire field, all the players. And the attention of the players is limited to the figure of the ball and its location. By being respectful and courteous to a person who has not had the best feelings for you, you yourself do not get dirty in the negative, and you can build friendly or at least tolerant relationships for yourself. nine0005

Philosophical view

Remember: very envious people are the most unhappy at heart. Inner fear and an impressive supply of excuses do not allow you to go forward, and digesting the same negativity requires a huge expenditure of internal strength. If it is in your power, think about how you can help a person who is experiencing envy so that he becomes a little happier. Do not waste energy on conflict - the mood will deteriorate, and the problem will not go away.

Rules of communication

How to communicate with envious people with minimal damage to your own emotions? A few simple recommendations:

Limit your communication time to the minimum possible.

Envious people are so because of the lack of information about how success comes. Try to talk to a person about how much effort has been invested in order to have everything that is. At the very least, the interlocutor will be convinced that nothing just falls from the sky and you need to work. Maybe an envious person, having listened to what success is worth, will simply say: “I feel good enough as it is” - and will leave you behind. nine0024
Many people have heard the saying that one should be happy quietly. Do not spread to everyone around about success, good relations with your spouse or girlfriend. Protect your own world, and let your happiness be only yours.

Do not complain about failures. It will be used against you.

Do not react to the barbs of envious people. They are just waiting for this. More self-confidence.

What to do if you feel jealous yourself? nine0113
Now it's clear how you feel about envious people, but what if you yourself are one of them? The answer is simple - love yourself. Every person in the world is unique in their own way. And everyone has their own gift: someone writes poetry, someone draws pictures, and others cook superbly. What are you the best at, what is unique within your universe? When answers are found, envy will go away on its own. Because the understanding will come that there is neither the best nor the worst, there are simply those who are not in their place, and the Universe is trying to reach out to a person through a period of some kind of failure. nine0005
Even if you've been compared to a friend or older brother, let it go. Events are already in the past. It is not necessary to listen to the opinion of the environment, parents, relatives. Find and develop the best that you have, and others will notice and appreciate it.

Magic and amulets

Of course, you can find an amulet from envy, pin it, but does it work? If you believe that it will make you feel better - you can put it on. If you are not so suspicious and it is alien to you, you should not force your world. Any amulet works only if the owner sincerely believes in its power. But better than any amulet is a simple, kind attitude towards a person who experiences destructive emotions towards you. Of course, it is very difficult to be in space with such people for a long time, but think: it is difficult for you to be with an envious person for a certain amount of time, but he is with him all his life and has to endure pain. nine0005
Does envy affect health?

Can envy somehow affect the physical condition? Of course, there will be no direct and noticeable consequences to the eye. But at the level of energy a person may experience the following symptoms:

Loss of vitality.

Lack of joy and positive emotions after talking with someone who envies you.

Stress.

Problems at work.

A series of minor troubles.

Other signs of what is commonly referred to simply as the "evil eye". nine0024

Why is this happening? Envious people are not able to give positive energy into space. After all, they themselves are filled with negative emotions. Therefore, they take something good from the environment, their joys and successes, but not in physical form, but in energy form. That is why there is often a feeling of emptiness after even a short contact with an evil and envious person. I want to sleep, there is no strength and I do not feel the joy of communication. If you yourself feel that you can no longer tolerate such an attitude towards yourself and do not want to give your success to someone, it is better to stop communicating, even if it is your best friend or childhood friend.
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