Why extroverts like introverts
Why I Like Introverts More Than Extroverts (From an Extrovert)
Introverts skip to the topics that really matter. With them, there is no having to drone on about the weather.
Introverts can get a bad rep. They can sometimes be painted as socially awkward, aloof homebodies that would sooner eat paint than talk to a stranger. But the dictionary definition of introversion is wrong — in actuality, they are a goldmine of hidden strength, creativity, and relatability.
In fact, as an extrovert, I’m utterly fascinated by the rich inner worlds that my introvert friends inhabit. Sure, if I want a definite plus-one to hit up a big party with, I’ll call on a fellow extrovert. But, all in all, I find I much prefer the lovable quirks and beautiful minds of my introverted friends.
Since being an introvert is largely thankless, introverts are much less likely to hear how truly appreciated they are. But, rest assured, we extroverts do see and hear what you’re all about (even if we’re doing most of the talking).
Here are seven reasons I appreciate my introvert friends (and I bet you’ll be able to relate).
1. They have a wide variety of deep interests.
Ask an introvert what they do in their free time and you’re likely to hear about their current engineering project, in-the-works novel, ongoing research on ancient Rome, or latest art masterpiece.
From teaching themselves to code to undertaking a new photography project, introverts take their hobbies to the next level. They have their own unique interests that are much more fun to talk about than the typical ones, such as watching sports or who was at what party.
2. They are authentic and will let you see their true personality (if they’re comfortable with you).
There is a reason introverts are not open and chatty with every person they meet like extroverts are. Introverts know who they are and know they are not going to click with every single person they come across. They don’t consider everyone their friend — and they’re okay with that. True to themselves, they refuse to change who they are to appeal to the masses.
Some extroverts would don a mask or social persona at the drop of a hat if it meant fitting in or making another friend, but introverts know better. Of course, they will let you see their true personalities if they feel comfortable with you, if you “get” them, and are in their inner circle — but you have to earn it. They are not going to pretend to like you or give you courtesy laughs to get you to like them. They are totally fine with saving the more colorful side of their personality for their close friends and family.
3. They are less judgmental and appreciate people for their character, not their social status.
Introverts simply do not have the energy for hypocritical social ladders or judging people based on superficial measures. While many extroverts spend their time and resources forging social connections and climbing the ranks of the social ladder, introverts could literally not care less.
Instead of seeing people for their social appeal, introverts appreciate people for their character, beliefs, and personality. They’ll want to get to know you for you, not for who you know or what you do or just to add another person to their social rolodex. If you are having a bad hair day, have something on your shirt, or say something dumb, an introvert will not judge you for it.
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4. They embrace their individuality.
Introverts seem to be all about being their own person and embracing their individuality. I think this is because they spend plenty of time alone — and, because of this, they are familiar with their own opinions and interests. And since they’re deep thinkers, there’s no rivaling introverts when it comes to having an innovative opinion on something or a unique area of expertise. These individualized interests ensure that they are a blast to talk to and a very well-realized individual. Once you get an introvert talking about something they’re passionate about, get ready to listen…
5. They have a hidden wild side.
If you think introverts are quiet, calm, and shy all the time, you clearly haven’t seen one when they are comfortable and around their close friends. When introverts are among people they trust, they can be the silliest, loudest, most unhinged people you have ever met.
The transformation can be baffling. An introvert can go from not saying a single word the whole day at work to talking a lot about something they’re interested in or even doing something surprising, like karaoke or improv. It’s all about the right circumstances with the right people. One thing’s for sure: They’ll keep you on your toes.
6. They’re the best people to have deep conversations with.
I have spent whole days with my extrovert friends without ever getting past the small talk level… the whole time. Extroverts are fluent in small talk, which can lead to trouble and never moving on from shallow topics.
Introverts, however, do not have this problem. Some are just as proficient in small talk as their extrovert peers, but the vast majority hate it. This avoidance of small talk is a strength, as they talk about what really matters to them: their hopes, dreams, fears, insecurities, and stories. And yours, too.
Introverts skip to the topics that really matter within the first few minutes of talking. Congratulations! With introverts, there is no having to drone on about the weather, economy, and personal lives of people you barely know before getting into the meat of a conversation.
7. They have the best taste in people and make for loyal friends.
There is nothing special about being friends with an extrovert; after all, they are friends with everyone. The only prerequisites to be friends with a social butterfly are breathing and having a pulse. (I kid, but…)
Introverts, however, are a different story — they are insanely loyal to a small number of people. They are not ones to replace their friends or change social groups every couple months. They stick by the same people. So they have to make sure to pick those people wisely. If an introvert lets you in their friend circle, you should feel flattered. They don’t do this for just anyone. And believe me, my introvert friends, I appreciate it. And you.
You might like:
- How to Explain Your Introversion to Your Extroverted Partner
- 13 ‘Rules’ for Being Friends With an Introvert
- Why an Introvert May Be the Best Friend You Will Ever Have
Why Introverts and Extroverts Attract Each Other
My friend Ted is a musician. He’s kind of quiet with a great sense of humor. He enjoys getting together with friends, but not too many at a time, and his fuse is pretty short when it comes to being with large groups of people. He’s the guy that disappears from a party all of a sudden. One minute he’s here, the next minute he’s outta here. Ted doesn’t dislike people at all, but his tolerance for being around them is pretty limited, and when he maxes out, he’s done, and then he’s gone.
Suzanne’s a high school teacher and a real firecracker. She’s loud, energetic, fun-loving, opinionated, (and not afraid to express her opinions), and she’s a talker. And she’s married to Ted.
You’d think that a pair like that would be a match made in somewhere other than heaven, and if you did, you’d be right. Ted and Suzanne have been married for 16 years and except for the first several months, things have been shall we say ... intense. A typical introvert, Ted tends to seek solitude and time for introspection when his battery needs recharging. When he’s under stress, he values no one’s company more than his own and finds clarity, comfort, and relief in being solitary. Yet he’s not a loner or a hermit. Once Ted is refueled, he’s ready to re-engage and connect with other people. But not until then.
Suzanne, on the other hand, gets recharged by being with people. When she’s stressed out, her initial impulse is always to get with people; preferably in person, but if that’s not possible, then at least by phone. Emails and texts don’t do it. She wants connection.
“I fell in love with Ted because we had such great connections. We used to talk for hours about the most personal and meaningful things in our lives. I loved his depth and his capacity for listening and understanding; I thought that it would never end. Boy was I wrong. I don’t know what happened but over time it seemed that Ted became increasingly more distant and less emotionally available. He reacted to my efforts to engage him and draw him out with resistance and resentment. He became passive-aggressive and that drives me nuts! It seems that the harder I try to express my frustration and my need for more closeness, the more he withdraws. I’ve even thought about divorce but I cling to the hope that he might change and go back to being the old Ted that I fell in love with. I know he’s still in there somewhere but I just don’t know how to reach him and bring him out.”
Ted has his own version of the story.
“When I met Suzanne, I was in a very down place in my life. Gloria, my girlfriend of four years, and I had recently broken up. Not surprisingly, she had some of the same complaints about me that Suzanne has. ‘He’s detached, distant, aloof and withheld.’ She used to tell me all the time how frustrating and painful it was to be with someone who didn’t share himself and spent so much time isolated. It wasn’t that I didn’t like Gloria, I really did, but she was just too much for me. What to her was a reasonable expectation of connection time, to me was overwhelming.
I wasn’t surprised when Gloria called it off between us, but I really did love her and was hoping that somehow things would work out. I wasn’t hurting as much as she was but after she left, I fell apart. The hole in my life that she filled was empty again and I really took a dive emotionally. I went into a deep depression and got in touch with a fear that there might be something really wrong with me. What kind of a jerk pushes away a woman that he loves without even making an effort to get her back? I swore to myself that if I was ever fortunate enough to find someone that I loved and loved me I wouldn’t make that same mistake again.
So when Suzanne and I met, we both fell hard for each other and I was so grateful and relieved to have been given another chance to do it right this time. The first year that we were together was incredible. It didn’t take any effort on my part to choose to spend time with her. I loved being back in a relationship. I felt like a man who had been dying of thirst and was finally drinking from a stream of cool, fresh water. I thought that it would never end.
But it did. Shortly after our first wedding anniversary, I started feeling some of those old urges to seek out more solitary time. It didn’t happen overnight, it was a gradual process, but Suzanne noticed it right away. And when she did, she tried to re-engage me by turning the heat up and I felt really pressured. Needless to say, this didn’t help. Things just got worse. The harder she pushed, the more I withdrew. She felt like I was punishing her but I really wasn’t. I felt like I was running for my life. We got into a vicious cycle that didn’t let up until as a last-ditch effort we got into marriage counseling. That was the turning point. We’re not completely out of the woods yet but we’re on our way and we both have learned a lot more about ourselves and each other in the process.”
Introverts (like Ted) and extroverts (like Suzanne) have opposite—we prefer to call it “complementary”—means of dealing with stress and meeting their emotional needs. Introverts tend to be self-reflective and seek out spaces where they can access their inner experiences freely. Extroverts, on the other hand, are predisposed to seek out others with whom they can engage and find the answers to their questions in the dialogue that the interactive process provides. It might seem counter-intuitive for these two very different personality types to get together, but it actually makes perfect sense from a relationship standpoint.
Left to their own devices or paired with a partner whose inclination is the same as theirs, each of their lives would be unbalanced in one direction or the other. Two extroverts would run the risk of burning out without sufficient down-time for rest and reflection. Things could also get heated between the two of them as their tendencies might cause them to run the risk of overloading their system possibly amplifying rather than reducing the stress level of their lives.
The potential danger of a relationship with two introverts is pretty obvious. Insufficient stimulation and inadequate external input. The net result of this is that the relationship and the passion level could flatline. More marriages die as a result of neglect than unresolved differences, so a two-introvert relationship carries its own set of risks as well.
This does not by any means suggest that marriages shared by two similar types are doomed. We have known a great many couples that are in two-introvert or two-extrovert marriages that are ecstatically happy. All relationships have their unique challenges, and the predispositions that both partners bring are not the most important variable in the process. The great challenge of all committed partnerships is to commit to the fulfillment of the relationship and the needs of one’s partner without losing or neglecting one’s own needs in the process.
As many of us have found out, this is quite a bit easier said than done. It is, however do-able, given a commitment to do the work. Both introverts and extroverts are challenged to reframe their view of their partner from judgment and resentment for not being more like they would like them to be, to gratitude for the value that they do bring into their lives. As this process evolves, appreciation replaces criticism and acceptance replaces judgment. It does take work and it does take time, but as countless couples know from their experience, the payoffs more than justify the effort.
Introvert and Extrovert: Couple CompatibilityExtrovert and Introvert Compatibility: Pixabay
People with opposite personality characteristics can be happy together. How can those who are radically different from each other in temperament build harmonious relationships? Experts in the field of psychology explained the features of introverts and extroverts and advised them on how to gain mutual understanding and build a strong alliance.
What is an introvert and an extrovert, are they compatible
According to the nature of personality, psychology divides people into two types - introverts and extroverts. What is an introvert? This is a person who focuses on the inner life, his ideas and thoughts. Such individuals prefer communication with one or two close people who are trusted to large companies.
It is a mistake to think that an introvert is a quiet and shy person who feels comfortable only when alone. His inner world is deep and varied. Writer Susan Cain in the book "Introverts. How to use the features of your character ”gives the following characteristics of this type of personality:
- developed intellect, love of reading;
- a tendency to seclusion, introspection and reflection;
- shyness, modesty;
- calmness, gentleness;
- risk aversion.
Introverts include people who have become famous:
- Audrey Hepburn;
- Johnny Depp;
- Jessica Simpson;
- Keanu Reeves;
- Meryl Streep.
Who is an extrovert? This is a person who, in his interests and experiences, is turned to the objects around him. This type of personality feels comfortable around people, loves attention. Extroverts tend to:
- emotional excitability, expansiveness;
- activity, sociability;
- self-confidence, willingness to take risks, courage;
Scientists have found that the brains of introverts and extroverts work differently:
- According to WebMD, introverts' frontal lobe, which is responsible for problem solving, memory and planning, has higher blood flow than extroverts.
- These two personality types have different brain responses to dopamine. With the same amount of this chemical, introverts feel exhausted and extroverts feel aroused.
- Dwayne Johnson;
- Vin Diesel;
- Lindsay Lohan;
- Jackie Chan.
Can an introvert and an extrovert be together? When partners are aware of their own characteristics of behavior and each other's needs, accept character traits and strive to gain mutual understanding, the relationship between an extrovert and an introvert can be harmonious. In this case, they complement and balance each other, and their union is strong and durable.
As Seth J. Gillihan, Ph.D. explains, when a person becomes aware of their personality type, they:
- understand what they need;
- plays to its strengths;
- predicts how he will feel in a given situation and takes action;
- increases the possibility of self-improvement and personal change.
It is difficult for an introvert and an extrovert to come to a common decision, to talk about important things, to agree on how to spend their free time. For example, an extrovert spouse craves to communicate with friends, and an introvert spouse prefers to watch a movie in a homely atmosphere. The constant struggle of temperaments leads to conflicts, resentment and omissions.
When partners cannot reach a compromise, different temperaments become an annoying factor. Then the partners break up, like Courteney Cox (an introvert) and her ex-husband David Arquette (an extrovert).
Features of relationships in a pair of introvert-extrovert
In love and married couples, an introvert-extrovert has its own characteristics of relationships. It is more difficult for partners to reach mutual understanding when a woman is an extrovert and a man is an introvert.
In such a union, men feel hunted and intimidated. As Marty Laney, Ph.D., psychotherapist and author, writes in The Introvert Advantage, men feel they are not being heard.
At the same time, an extroverted woman accepts her husband's restrained and calm nature as compliance, weakness, inability to stand up for herself. At the same time, both partners do not experience joy in a relationship, they feel lonely. She longs for action, and he dreams of relaxing and enjoying peace.
In a union where a woman is an introvert and a man is an extrovert, the situation is different. An extrovert tends to be active. For emotional comfort, it is vital for him to be in the spotlight, communicate with people, play golf, and actively engage in professional activities. An introverted woman has enough company of a few friends and measured creative activity.
An extroverted partner gets emotional satisfaction at work, but at home he longs for peace. An introverted wife, at the same time, is waiting for communication with her husband - a man whom she completely trusts. There is a paradoxical situation: an introvert craves communication, and an extrovert dreams of peace and quiet.
With some effort, differences in the temperament of partners can become an advantage. Then the introvert and extrovert will perfectly complement each other and will be happy in a relationship.Features of the relationship introvert - extrovert: Pixabay
How to build relationships for an introvert and an extrovert? In everyday life, an extrovert should:
- accept the rhythm of the life of an introvert;
- treat him with respect, avoid humiliation and not ridicule his regularity and slowness;
- realize that your partner needs privacy.
It is difficult for an introvert to love, start relationships and confess feelings. An extrovert needs to remember that behind the inaccessibility and outward coldness of such a partner lies a faithful, reliable and loving person.
An introvert should realize that extroverts are not selfish or empty people who look for fun and entertainment in everything. The fact that they easily build relationships and seem friendly should not devalue their spiritual and mental maturity.
Extroverts know how to listen and exchange energy in the process of communication. If an introvert understands that a vulnerable soul is hidden behind the external steadfastness of an extrovert and learns to trust a partner, he will respond with trust and openness, and make compromises.
Marty Laney suggests that compliance and honesty are required in order for such a couple to establish a productive relationship. The psychologist gives the following advice on building a harmonious union:
- Clearly define the time, day and duration of the conversation. Recognize that discussing your views and experiences is a normal rapport-building process.
- Have each person explain their own view of their role in the relationship to their partner for 15 minutes. Talk only about your point of view.
- Repeat what your partner said, within 5 minutes. Let him confirm that everything is retold correctly. If not, correct inconsistencies.
- Choose two ways each to help you change your role in a relationship. For example, become more open, resist criticism, learn to restrain emotions, give up the tendency to criticize everything.
- List for 15 minutes the virtues and qualities of a partner that you like the most.
- Think and come up with entertainment options that will suit both partners.
- Share thoughts on any occasion and keep conversations about relationships. Highlight what changes have been made.
WebMD recommends that introverts behave like extroverts. Scientists have proven that if they act assertively and decisively, their outlook on life improves, they feel greater satisfaction with themselves and the world around them. When the extrovert adheres to the behavior of the introvert, his general condition and standard of living deteriorate.How extrovert and introvert are combined: Pixabay
If people love each other and strive to be together, the distinctive features of temperaments will help each of them become more perfect, more tolerant, smarter and kinder to others and to themselves. Listen to the advice of professional psychologists and start working on relationships. Then you will find harmony, mutual understanding and personal happiness.
Original article: https://www. nur.kz/family/relationship/1738979-introvert-i-ekstravert-sovmestimost-pary/
How an extrovert and an introvert can get along together
February 17, 2017 Lifehacker tells how to overcome the difficulties that may arise in the communication of an introvert and an extrovert in love.
What's the problem
If ice and fire are not as different from each other as you are from your soul mate, perhaps you simply belong to different psychological types. At the beginning of a relationship, an extrovert and an introvert are usually enamored with each other. Rather, their dissimilarity unites them. But over time, this causes difficulties and lovers wonder how compatible they are at all:
- You want to stay at home alone, and your significant other wants to go to a crowded party. “Isn’t me enough for her?”
- He thinks you need to have a good discussion and you need time to think things through on your own. Will he even let me breathe freely?
- It hurts you when she says she needs time for herself. "Is she not saying something?"
The easiest way is to take problems with misunderstandings personally or label your soul mate as a person with whom it is difficult to communicate. However, this strategy is destructive to your relationship. To make communication more open and fruitful, and love sparkle with new colors, try to understand your partner.
How to deal with it
Find out how your partner is used to recuperation
Introverts draw energy from spending time alone. Communication with other people drains their strength. This does not mean that introverts do not like to be around other people or that they are shy. It's just that sometimes your attempts to spend more time with an introvert deprive him of his last energy.
Extroverts get their energy from spending time with other people. Left alone with themselves, they lose it. This does not mean that extroverts cannot be alone at all, or that the company of other people is like a drug for them. Just communication gives them new strength.
Do you see that your introverted friend is immersed in reading? Let her enjoy the process. This is one of the things that introverts enjoy a lot.
Be respectful of how your soul mate restores energy, and you will notice a striking change in her mood and a decrease in tension in your relationship.
Choose the Right Moment
Do you have something important to discuss? Choose the right moment, based not on your mood, but on the mood and psychotype of your partner. This should be done especially carefully if you have to deliver bad news or discuss some sensitive issues.
If your significant other is an extrovert, you will need a lot of time to discuss. You can’t just drop a few words on the go and go about your business, postponing the actual conversation until later. An extrovert will want to discuss everything properly and immediately. It will not give you time for further reflection. Therefore, think everything over in advance.
If your partner is an introvert, he will need time to process what you have said. Therefore, you can use the reverse strategy: bring the person up to date in advance, and later discuss all the details together.
Don't look for the problem in yourself
If he goes to the garage when you want to spend time together, it's not about you. If she wants to talk, and you do not find any strength and desire in yourself to talk, the problem is not with you either. Just remember this once and for all.
Once you understand this, stop transferring your partner's aggression onto yourself. Just let your soul mate recharge the way she used to do it, so that later you can enjoy full communication.
Be prepared to compromise
You cannot demand from your partner that he constantly adapts to you. If you're an introvert, you won't be able to get your loved one to pre-plan every conversation with you. If you are an extrovert, you should not try at all costs to pull your soul mate out of her "shell". You won't be able to, deal with it.
It's hard to constantly make concessions. Try to take turns doing this.
For example, on Saturday, the extrovert gives the introvert the opportunity to be alone with himself in order to accumulate enough energy for the Sunday party. And on Sunday, the introvert will stay at the party for an hour longer, so that his half can enjoy more communication with other people.
Appreciate your partner's strengths
Remember: the influence of your significant other makes you a better person. You are enriched as a person.
If you are an introvert, think about how you would have made so many wonderful acquaintances if your favorite extrovert had not pulled you out of the house? Surely thanks to the partner you have made new friends. Perhaps you have also upgraded your communication skills and are now less shy of other people. And the decisiveness, openness, spontaneity and charm of extroverts in themselves cannot but delight.