Why do 8 year olds lie

Why Kids Lie and What Parents Can Do to Stop It

Call them fibs, whoppers or straight-up untruths: However you label them, kids are likely to lie somewhere along the way. While a younger child may conjure up an elaborate tale about how she couldn’t possibly have kicked a younger sibling, older kids may flat-out lie about doing their homework.

Sometimes the onset of lying is sudden and intense, reports Matthew Rouse, PhD, a clinical psychologist. “It’s a new thing where they were pretty truthful most of the time before and then suddenly they’re lying about a lot of stuff,” he says. This, of course, is concerning to parents. But if caregivers can understand why kids lie and be prepared to deal with the issue, the truth can come out.

Why kids lie

Most parents think children lie to get something they want, avoid a consequence or get out of something they don’t want to do. These are common motivations, but there are also some less obvious reasons why kids might not tell the truth — or at least the whole truth.

To test out a new behavior

Dr. Rouse says one reason children lie is because they’ve discovered this novel idea and are trying it out, just as they do with most kinds of behaviors, to see what happens. “They’ll wonder, what happens if I lie about this situation?” he says. “What will it do for me? What does it get me out of? What does it get me?’”

To enhance self-esteem and gain approval

Children who lack confidence may tell grandiose lies to make themselves seem more impressive, special or talented to inflate their self-esteem and make themselves look good in the eyes of others. Dr. Rouse recalls treating an eighth-grader who was exaggerating wildly about 80 percent of the time: “They were kind of incredible experiences that weren’t within the bounds of plausible at all.” For instance, the boy would say he’d gone to a party and everyone had started to chant for him when he came in the door.

To get the focus off themselves

Children with anxiety or depression might lie about their symptoms to get the spotlight off them, Dr. Rouse notes. Or they might minimize their issues, saying something like “No, no I slept fine last night” because they don’t want people worrying about them.

Speaking before they think

Carol Brady, PhD, a clinical psychologist and regular columnist for ADDitude magazine who works with a lot of kids with ADHD, says they may lie out of impulsivity. “One of the hallmarks of the impulsive type of ADHD is to talk before they think,” she says, “so a lot of times you’re going to get this lying issue.”

Sometimes kids can really believe they’ve done something and tell what sounds like a lie, Dr. Brady adds. “Sometimes they’ll really just forget. I have kids who say, ‘To tell you the truth, Dr. Brady, I thought I did my homework. I really thought I did. I didn’t remember I had that extra work.’” When this happens, she says, they need help supplementing their memory by using techniques such as checklists, time limits and organizers.

And then there are white lies

Just to make things even trickier, in certain situations parents might actually encourage children to tell a white lie in order to spare someone’s feelings. In this case, the white lie and when to use it fall under the umbrella of social skills.

What parents can do about lying

Both Dr. Rouse and Dr. Brady say it’s first important to think about the function of the lie. “When I’m doing an evaluation, there are questions on our intake forms where parents can check off whether the child lies,” Dr. Rouse says. “It’s something I might spend 20 minutes delving into. What kinds of lies, what are the circumstances of the lies?” He says behavioral treatments depend on the function of the lies and the severity of the problem. “There are no hard and fast guidelines,” he says. “Different levels mean different repercussions.”

Level 1 lie

When it comes to attention-seeking lying, Dr. Rouse says that, generally speaking, it’s best to ignore it. Rather than saying harshly, “That’s a lie. I know that didn’t happen to you,” he suggests a gentle approach where parents don’t necessarily have a consequence but they’re also not trying to feed it a lot of attention.

This is especially true if the lying is coming from place of low self-esteem. “So if they’re saying, ‘I scored 10 goals today at recess in soccer and everybody put me on their shoulders and it was amazing’ and you think it’s not true, then I would say don’t ask a bunch of follow-up questions.” For these kind of low-level lies that aren’t really hurting anyone but aren’t good behavior, ignoring and redirecting to something that you know is more factual is the way to go.

Level 2 lie

If that doesn’t work, Dr. Rouse says, parents can be more transparent about it by offering a mild reprimand. “I’ve had situations where it’s an inflated kind of fantastical type of lie,” he says. “I’ll have parents label it and call it a tall tale. If the child is telling one of these stories, a parent will gently say, ‘Hey, this sounds like a tall tale, why don’t you try again and tell me what really happened?’ ” It’s about pointing out the behavior and encouraging kids to try again.

Level 3 lie

If something is more serious, like older kids lying about where they’ve been or whether they’ve done their homework, parents can think about having a consequence. Kids should be clear that there will be repercussions for this kind of lie, so it’s not coming out of the blue. Like all consequences, Dr. Rouse recommends it should be something short-lived, not overblown, which gives the child a chance to get back to practicing better behaviors. Some examples: losing her phone for an hour or having to do a chore

Also, depending on the severity, there also has to be a component of addressing what they were lying about. If a child has said he didn’t have any homework all week and then the parent finds out he had homework every day, there needs to be some kind of consequence for the lying and he also has to sit down and do all the work. If he’s hit another child and lied about it, there’s a consequence for the lying and also for hitting. In this case, Dr. Rouse says, you would also have him write an apology letter to the other child.

Ways to help your kids avoid lying in the first place

Let them know the truth reduces consequences

For instance, if teens have been drinking at a party, the parent will want them to call to be picked up. But kids know there also has to be a consequence for the drinking. “There’s a hard balance to strike between having the open dialogue but also setting appropriate limits when necessary,” Dr. Rouse says.

In this situation, where lying would have been easier, when parents are doling out the consequence they can also praise the child for telling the truth and tell them it makes them more trustworthy. They might also reduce the consequence, such as letting kids know they’re taking their phone away for a day instead of a week.

Dr. Rouse adds one caveat: Children and teens should not think consequences are negotiable. “Sometimes the kid will say, ‘But I told you the truth,’” he says. “They’ll get manipulative, saying, ‘This is just making me want to never tell the truth again.’” Parents shouldn’t give in at that point.

Use truth checks

Let’s say parents have been told by a teacher their child didn’t do her homework. Dr. Brady suggests that they give their kid a chance to tell the truth. If she doesn’t at first, the parents could say, “I’m going to walk away and give you 10 minutes and then I’m going to come back and ask you again. If you change your mind and want to give me a different answer, it’s just a truth check and you won’t get in trouble.”

This way, if a child gives an off-the-cuff answer because she’s scared of consequences or she doesn’t want to disappoint a parent, she has the chance to really think about whether she wants to lie or fess up without the consequences. Dr. Brady notes that this technique isn’t for a child who chronically lies.

Use the preamble method

Parents can also set up kids to tell the truth by reminding them that they don’t expect perfection, Dr. Brady notes. Parents could say, “I’m going to ask you a question and maybe you’re going to tell me something I don’t really want to hear. But remember, your behavior is not who you are. I love you no matter what, and sometimes people make mistakes. So I want you to think about giving me an honest answer.” Giving kids a chance to reflect on this may lead to them telling the truth.

Give kids with ADHD more time to think

Dr. Brady says kids with ADHD, who are prone to giving impulsive answers that come out as lies, need some extra time to think things through before speaking. Impulsivity can be a problem both at home and in school, when a teacher asks if a child has finished an assignment and the child answers yes without even looking at his paper. That’s when he needs to be taught to slow down and check his work.

What parents shouldn’t do

Don’t ever corner your child

Putting a child on the spot can set him up to lie. If parents know the true story, Dr. Brady recommends, they should go right to the issue and discuss it. Instead of asking a child if he didn’t do his homework a parent could just say, “I know you didn’t do it. Let’s talk about why that’s not a good idea.”

Don’t label your child a liar

It’s a big mistake to call a child a liar, Dr Brady argues. The wound it creates is bigger than dealing with what he lied about in the first place. He thinks, “Mom won’t believe me.” It makes him feel bad about himself and may set up a pattern of lying.

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Lying: Why it happens and what to do about it (ages 6 to 8)

Why grade-schoolers lie

Somewhere, sometime, during your child's early school years, she'll open her sweet mouth and out will pop a whopper of a lie — you can count on it. Now that she's getting older, you can also expect more sophisticated and deceitful lies than the innocent truth-twisters she's told before. Her lies aren't necessarily due to naughtiness, though. At this age, there are many developmental and emotional reasons for lying, such as a need to feel important or a desire to spare someone's feelings. The good news: Your grade-schooler knows the difference between right and wrong, or she wouldn't bother to lie.

What to do about lying

First, you need to know what you're dealing with. Before you can teach your child why lying won't cut it, you have to figure out why she chose to stretch the truth. Here, the most common types of lies, why your grade-schooler might be telling them, and how to deal with them:

The tall tale. Despite her seeming maturity, your grade-schooler probably still fabricates elaborate stories from time to time. When she tells you that she did a triple somersault off the pommel horse in gymnastics class, it may be because she isn't yet able to fully discern the difference between reality and fantasy, or she could be trying to get your attention. If she tends to exaggerate, sometimes embellishing stories so much that they're almost completely untrue, she may lack confidence and feel the need to pump herself up. Maybe she feels pressure to be good at something or thinks she has to prove herself to be accepted by a particular clique.

Whatever's behind her tall tales, it's important not to ridicule your boasting child, or her self-esteem will sink even more. Show her that you appreciate her just as she is, and praise her legitimate accomplishments. As for the actual lie, deflect the conversation away from it if you can, or calmly tell your grade-schooler that you know what she said isn't true and that you love her even if she didn't do a triple somersault. If she lies to someone else in front of you, don't show her up in public. Instead, wait until you're alone with her, then gently explain that you know she's telling tales and that doing so can have unpleasant consequences.

To drive home this point, tell her the story of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf. " Or read the classic Sam, Bangs, and Moonshine, by Evaline Ness, in which Sam's refusal to distinguish between fantasy and reality almost causes her to lose her dearest friends. Two other great books about lying: Big Fat Enormous Lie, by Marjorie Weinman Sharmat, which shows how guilt builds up when we're untruthful, and Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire! by Gordon Korman, a hilarious take on the disastrous consequences of schoolyard bragging.

Chances are, by the time your child reaches her ninth birthday — when the lines between reality and fantasy no longer blur for most kids — these tall tales will become a thing of the past.

The cover-up. When your grade-schooler insists that she wasn't the one to leave the backyard gate open, which led to your dog running away, she knows she did something wrong and is trying to cover her tracks. Her goal is to avoid unpleasantness or punishment. Kids learn this tactic at an early age and perfect it as they mature.

Lies told to escape discipline can put you in a difficult position. If you discipline your child when she admits doing something wrong, she may decide she's better off lying. But if you don't discipline her, the behavior won't change. It gets even more complicated if you punish your grade-schooler for lying in addition to punishing her for the original infraction. The trick is to find a balance between being permissive and being punitive. According to one study, parents who use moral principles to explain that lying is wrong reduce the frequency of their children's truth-stretching, while those who punish their kids for lying may actually encourage the practice.

When your youngster concocts a cover-up, try taking the following steps:

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Stay calm, and don't take it personally. Instead, use it as an opportunity to teach her about honesty.
Find out why she's covering up. When you ask your grade-schooler to explain why she lied about leaving the gate open, she may admit that she was afraid of upsetting you or didn't want to be blamed for the dog's disappearance.
Explain why it's wrong to lie. Point out to your child that while it was her responsibility to close the gate behind her, mistakes happen and are forgiven. Lying about her mistakes, on the other hand, is unacceptable.
Focus on the motive, not the lie. Rather than getting all worked up about her lie, tell your youngster that you're disappointed because she didn't take responsibility for her actions
Decide on reasonable — but not overly harsh — consequences. Rather than punish your grade-schooler, think about ways she can help make amends for her mistake. She might print up a batch of "lost dog" flyers to post around the neighborhood, for instance.
Tell her that you love her anyway. It's healthy for your child to develop a conscience and to regret bad behavior, but you don't want her to feel that she loses your esteem every time she makes a mistake.

The lazy lie. The way your grade-schooler sees it, telling you what you want to hear may be the path of least resistance: "No, I don't have any homework left"; "Yes, I brushed my teeth"; and "No, I'm not watching South Park. " These falsehoods may seem relatively benign, but it's wise not to let them slide, or she may get the idea that honesty doesn't matter. When you catch your child fudging the truth, let her know that it's not okay by telling her how important it is to be honest and reminding her about the repercussions of lying.

It's also important to deal with the lie by addressing the behavior your child's glossing over, says Gillian McNamee, an educational psychologist at the Erikson Institute for Advanced Study in Child Development in Chicago. This means choosing a penalty that suits the crime. If your grade-schooler lied about her homework, for instance, tell her that she'll have to show you her completed assignments every evening from now on. If she's been lax about dental hygiene, perhaps the idea of a routine breath-check before she heads out will motivate her to do better. If it's a TV offense, consider having her ask for permission to watch or strictly limiting her viewing hours.

The white lie. Parents are often amazed at how early kids catch on to the concept of the "social lie" — the little fib that helps the teller save face or spares someone else's feelings. As young as age 6, your child may insincerely compliment a schoolmate's shoes or hesitate to tell a friend that she no longer shares her enthusiasm for Arthur. Of course, it's important that kids learn empathy and avoid hurting others' feelings. But you also need to be sure that your grade-schooler understands the difference between a well-intended distortion of the truth — saying, "Thank you. I love it!" when she receives a duplicate gift, or assuring her newly shorn Grandma, "Your hair looks nice" — and telling a lie that could hurt someone or that serves no purpose but to toot her own horn.

With girls, be especially watchful for fibs told just to be nice. Girls often get the message that niceness is paramount, even if it means being dishonest about their feelings. In an effort to be liked, your daughter may bottle up strong feelings and replace them with silence or a web of pretty lies. In order for her to develop self-esteem and emotional strength, she must learn to value her own responses and opinions and to express them without self-reproach. So make sure she knows that her emotions and preferences are not only valid, but are qualities that distinguish her delightfully from the crowd. Help her find ways to say what she really feels, thinks, and wants while supporting a friend's prerogative to feel and like different things.

The cry for help. Your child may lie because she's overwhelmed at school or in her social life and needs help dealing with the pressure. Or she may desperately fear disappointing you. If you suspect that she's deceiving you for one of these reasons, have a heart-to-heart with her, encouraging her to talk about her anxieties. You may need to consider lowering your expectations so she can achieve success in smaller, more manageable steps, which will boost her self-confidence. Rather than pushing for top scores in all her school subjects, for instance, pick one (like math) and work on that first. Reassure your grade-schooler, too, that you'll always love her, no matter what she says or does. If her lying is becoming chronic, a deeper issue may be to blame. In that case, a child counselor or family therapist can help her get to the root of the problem.

Swap stories and advice about behavior and discipline with other parents in the BabyCenter Community.

Why do children lie and how to wean a child from lying?

Every parent is faced with the fact that his child is lying. But we were taught in childhood: "It's not good to lie." “Everything hidden always becomes clear,” we were often told. Do you still remember the parable about the boy who shouted "Wolves!" But is it really so important to teach a child to always tell the truth? Aren't there situations in which it's better to lie? And let's not forget about such a thing as "white lie".

Let's look at a few examples. For example, a stranger called the apartment and asks where the adults are. We ourselves teach children: “Say that mom is cooking in the kitchen, and dad is sleeping. ” That is, we ourselves deliberately teach children to lie. But it's for their own safety. If a child in such a situation tells the truth, bad consequences are possible. nine0003

Telling the truth all the time can make you lose friends. If a kid betrays a classmate who put a button on the teacher's chair, everyone will hate him. He didn't do it because he wanted a scandal. But because he was taught this way: "Always tell the truth." But isn't it better to remain silent, thus arousing the respect and sympathy of friends, no one likes a sneak.

Imagine now that a child, always taught to tell the truth, decides to become a military man or a politician. There are such concepts as "military secret", "state interests". It turns out that there are socially approved and not approved lies. And you need to be able to distinguish between them. nine0003

Types of lies

Psychologist Paul Ekman divided lies into several types. Depending on them, you can understand why the child is lying.

Justified lies. Required under any circumstances.
"White", or white lie. It defuses a tense situation and gives people positive emotions.
Fraud. Lies for personal gain.
Boasting. Exaggeration of one's actions and social status.

How can you tell if a child is lying?

All parents will be sad to know that their child has begun to lie. But not everyone can understand this. If you notice the following actions when talking with your baby, you should be on your guard.

averts eyes;
touches the nose, earlobes, mouth, chin, neck, temples, or collar;
coughs;
rubs his eyes;
keeps his hands in his pockets.

Why is the child lying?

There are several reasons why children lie to their parents. Here is some of them.

Increased demands. Parents often want from the child what he cannot do. And in order not to disappoint mom and dad, the kid comes up with fables.
Lack of trust in the family. The most common reason.
Excessive severity in education. The child is lying so that he will not be punished for anything.

Age characteristics of children's lies

2-4 years

At such a young age, fantasy begins to be born in babies. They are still just trying to think in images, and it often seems to them that what they have come up with actually exists. A child can assure you for a long time that he saw Peter Pan. This is not entirely a lie, he truly believes that he saw an eternally young boy. Do not scold him for fantasies or say that no one exists. In this way you interfere with the development of the imagination. Better direct his thoughts to a creative path. For example, let him draw the Tinkerbell fairy or come up with a fairy tale about her. nine0003

4-5 years old

It cannot be said that a child of 5 years old is lying. At this age, it is still difficult for him to distinguish reality from fiction. He believes everything the adults say, and in turn, he starts making things up too. Most often this is done by children who are afraid that their parents will stop loving him. For example, when asked if the child made the bed, he will answer that he made it because he is afraid that they will start scolding him and stop loving him. In this case, you need to calmly talk with the baby, establish a trusting relationship with him. If you are friendly and promise the child that you will not punish him, he will contact you himself. nine0003

7-8 years old

No wonder a 7-year-old child lies. At this time, big changes take place in his life - he goes to school. Now he needs his own corner to do homework and prepare for classes. If the baby does not have such personal space, then he is lying, hiding behind this. Also explain that autonomy does not imply permissiveness. He will have to learn to be responsible for his words and actions. Perhaps the child will test you for strength with the help of lies.

If a child of 8 years old lies, it means that he really wants to please others. At this age, the main people for him are mom and dad, so the baby will embellish his actions with him. He will start hiding bad grades and misdeeds, saying that he is doing well. The task of parents is to explain to the child that everything secret becomes clear. So it's better to tell it like it is.

9-10 years old

A 9-year-old child lies to raise his social status among classmates. He understands the difference between the truth and a lie, but still follows the path of lies. nine0003

A 10-year-old child lies about the excellent work of mom and dad, about a chic house, expensive toys. You need to tell the kid that nothing good will come of his stories. Everyone will sooner or later find out the truth, and he will be ashamed of his fables. They will stop believing in him, friends will turn away from him, and it will be very difficult to earn their trust again.

11-12 years old

At this age, the baby lies because there are no trusting relationships in the family. Also, the reason may be hiding in an overly strict upbringing. Therefore, lower the requirements for the child and think about why he does not trust you. If the problem is not solved now, it will be more difficult to cope with children's lies later on. After all, adolescence is a very difficult time. During this period, the child demands maximum independence, his hormones are raging, he thinks that he knows life best of all. nine0003

At the age of 12, a son or daughter has already limited their personal space. And if parents try to penetrate it, they will meet with aggression, rudeness and lies. If you are not invited to go beyond the personal, it is better not to interfere yourself. Do not blame the child for this, because he develops according to the laws of nature. Lying is his defensive reaction. Children lie because they are trying to compensate for the lack of attention from their parents. Or they protect their comrades, keep their own or someone else's secret. They are trying to assert themselves and be a leader. At least within your personal space. nine0003

How to wean a child from lying

Gradually, mom and dad ask themselves how to wean a child from lying. If you understand that your child often lies, do not start scolding him. It is possible that he just has a rich imagination and you need to direct his talent in a creative direction. If creativity does not help, then you should contact a child psychologist. He will select the right solution to the problem and tell you what to do if the child is lying.

If the child does not know how best to act in any situation, then explain to him that he can always consult with his parents. That they will tell him the right decision and he has nothing to be ashamed and afraid of. The child must understand that parents are always on his side, even if he is wrong or lied to someone. nine0003

Lying is an important tool, like matches or a knife. It can be dangerous, but if used correctly, it can be beneficial. It is necessary to explain in detail and clearly to the child that there are situations in which one must always tell only the truth. But sometimes it’s worth embellishing a little or keeping silent so as not to offend a loved one. It is important not to teach a child to always tell the truth, but to raise him to be smart and quick-witted. So that he himself understands and decides when and what is better to say.

Why a child lies and whether he should be punished

August 10 Likbez A life

Everyone cheats, except for babies. And it's not always bad.

When and how children begin to lie

Psychologists say that lying is a sign of the development of complex thinking. The kid begins to deceive when he realizes that the actions and feelings of other people are not predetermined, they can be influenced by words and thus turn life situations in their favor. nine0003

Deception itself changes with age. Child psychologists Penny van Bergen and Carol Newall of Macquarie University describe what is happening like this.

How a 2-4 year old child lies

The first lie can be clumsy and funny. For example, a toddler may sincerely claim that he did not eat a chocolate cake, although traces of a crime are clearly visible on his face. Or that he did not take the toy that he is holding behind his back. At this age, the child seems to be trying the opportunity to lie for a taste - to check when a lie can work and when it will be useless. nine0003

How a 3-8 year old child lies

Lies become more sophisticated. The child learns to hide the obvious traces of a crime and hide emotions. Nevertheless, he still quite often gives himself away.

For example, in one study, children aged 3 to 7 were left alone in a room with a musical toy behind them. The kids were urged not to watch what was playing. Most of the children, left alone, of course, turned around. And when the experimenter, returning to the room, asked if the child was peeping, he most often received a negative answer. nine0003

The children lied skillfully: the experimental adults, who were asked to look at the video of the answering babies, could not recognize by their faces who was lying and who was not really looking at the toy. But the preschoolers were given away by further conversation: almost all the liars in a conversation with the experimenter accidentally blurted out, describing the toy or calling it by name.

How a child lies at the age of 9-10

By this age, self-control in children reaches such a degree that they are able to lie surprisingly believable, without betraying it either by appearance or by contradictions in words. However, by 9-10 years the understanding of morality is formed.

Then the children realize that there are different kinds of lies, and try to lie less often, making an exception mainly for “lying for good” — that is, they hide only the truth that can upset the interlocutor or negatively affect relations with him.

With age, moral self-control usually increases, due to which cases of lying become less and less common.

Why a child lies

If a child tells lies only from time to time, there is no need to worry. This is a kind of developing lie, an experiment with which the baby checks the boundaries of the world and learns to navigate in it. nine0003

But the chronic lies that are repeated day after day are cause for concern.

1. The child is afraid of the consequences of the truth

Adults may lie in order not to arouse the wrath of the authorities or to avoid some unpleasant or overwhelming duties. Children often begin to lie for the same reasons.

To be honest, we had a lot of lessons, it's easy to be left without an evening rest. Therefore, it is easier to say: “I did all my homework at school.” If you admit that you lost a toy, you can listen to many unpleasant accusations and be punished. It's easier to imagine that he gave it to a friend for a while. The situations are different, but the result is the same: the child lies to avoid the expected troubles. nine0003

2. The child suffers from self-doubt

Sometimes children lie to raise their status in the eyes of others - because the current one seems to them too low and inspires anxiety. This is how stories about invented victories appear: “I answered best in mathematics” or “and yesterday we played football with the boys, and I scored four goals in a row.”

For the same reason, a child may invent a long list of expensive gifts that he allegedly received for his birthday. Just because a friend showed off his new phone. Or talk about amazing travel experiences in response to friends' summer travel stories. nine0003

Uncertainty can also give rise to aggressive and defiant lies. The child will deceive again and again, as if testing adults for strength: do you love me like this? And like this? And if so? Behind such endless lies lies the fear of being left without support. In fact, a lie is an attempt to find solid ground under your feet, to get confidence that adults will not quit, no matter what.

3. The child is too impulsive

And does not have time to think before saying something. And then he is forced to defend the stated version, so as not to lose face. nine0003

4. The child has a mental or behavioral disorder

A child or adolescent who suffers from anxiety may chronically lie to avoid fearful situations. For example, feign illness in order to skip a test at school. Or come up with a story that will allow you to skip a workout or a party.

Also, chronic lying can be a sign of serious behavioral problems, such as oppositional defiant disorder. But in this case, in addition to constant lies, other symptoms arise: disobedience, aggression, intentional harm to people around them and their things. nine0003

5. A child spares his parents

He can lie that school lunches are free and quietly steal money and sandwiches from classmates. Or hide bad grades so as not to upset mom. Or say that everything is in order, and hide the bruises - if only not to strain those close to you, exhausted by life's troubles, with your own problems.

This happens when the family, for various reasons, cannot provide support to the child. And he, in turn, loves his family very much and tries to protect them. nine0003

6. The child fantasizes too much

Usually this concerns young children who still have blurred the line between fantasy and reality. Such a child can excitedly talk about the robbers he met on a walk or imaginary friends. There will always be serious reasons for his lateness: he met a kitten who needed to be moved across the road, or helped some grandfather start a stalled car. The mess in the nursery is the work of a monster, the missing cake is the fault of the cat, the painted wallpaper is “a boy came in and painted.” nine0003

In fact, this is not a lie, but a fantastic fairy tale that captivates the child to such an extent that he himself begins to believe in it. As they age, closer to school or in the lower grades, children learn to draw a clear line between imagination and reality.

What to do if a child is lying

The main rule: in no case should you punish him. At least until you figure out the reasons for lying. Children who are physically punished for lying are more likely to lie. It becomes a way for them to survive. nine0003

Also, children from families where strict rules of behavior are adopted and lying are considered completely unacceptable are also more active in lying. In this case, the child is forced to hide his inevitable accidental misdeeds, since he cannot count on the tolerance of adults.

Child psychologists Penny van Bergen and Carol Newall recommend that parents do this.

1. Make sure it's a lie

Young children can honestly not see the difference between reality and fantasy. If a monster has made a mess in the nursery, this is not at all because the child is lying to spite you or wants to avoid responsibility. Life is a big playground for him. And the task of parents is to gently, through the game, teach the child responsibility. nine0003

There are more dangerous situations. Sometimes children voice things to their parents that “simply cannot be!”. For example, about the terrible attitude of the teacher to the students. Even if you do not really believe in this, it is important to double-check such information first, and then make a decision.

2. Show your child that you love him and that he can count on you

The child should know that if he stumbles, he will be supported and helped to cope with the situation. If parents help mend a broken vase or solve a difficult school topic that bogged down a test, children will gradually lose their fear of failure and accidental missteps. And over time, lying will cease to be a way to protect yourself. nine0003

3. Talk to your child about the emotional and moral aspects of what happened

"You broke the vase and didn't tell me because you were afraid I'd be upset, right?" - such a phrase will help the child to realize the motives of his actions.