What is the role of silence in communication
The Importance of Silence in Relationships — Pathways Professional Counseling
Ross Hickman, MA, LPC-S, Registered Play Therapist Supervisor, Pathways PresidentWe’ve all been there; during a conversation, we don’t feel we’re being heard—or maybe worse, heard but not understood. So, we increase our volume and rate of speech, getting agitated. We feel disrespected and frustrated because our thoughts and feelings are being dismissed. This situation is typically initiated by the listeners’ ill-timed, negative, verbal or non-verbal responses.
Non-verbal communication plays a vital role in how we interact with others. It is commonly quoted that communication is 90% nonverbal communication and body language, with the remainder made up of actual words and other vocal elements. You can find different studies that quote different amounts of non-verbal communication in relationships, but regardless of which is true, we know for a fact that non-verbals play a very important role in how we communicate and perceive communication.
One piece of communication that accompanies our nonverbal reactions is silence. We can convey approval, disapproval, anger, or other messages through a silent response.
UTILIZING HEALTHY SILENCE
Silence can be positive or negative in our communications. When we experience it negatively, it can take on the form of the silent treatment, which most of us have both received and delivered at some point in our lives. Additionally, responding with silence when someone needs verbal validation or encouragement can be devastating to a relationship.
Positive silence is necessary for strong relationships to last. Healthy silence can show a level of vulnerability and comfort within a relationship. At other times, one or both individuals may need a break from verbal communication, just being content in each other’s space. Healthy silence can also be utilized when a person is angry and escalating. Simply being quiet and not escalating with the speaker can extinguish a damaging situation before it begins.
ACTIVE LISTENING
Utilizing silence for positive outcomes is greatly dependent on active listening, which is a learned skill. James 1:19 states, “My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.”
Active listening involves intentionally processing what we are hearing before we initiate or formulate a response or rebuttal. It is meeting the other person where they are emotionally and cognitively. At that point, a good, active listener processes what they are hearing and does not force their own frame of reference into the situation.
ACTIVE LISTENING SUGGESTIONS:Give the speaker your undivided attention and remove distractions. Turn off the television or radio, and both the speaker and listener should put any audio/video device on silent and place in another room. Keep constant eye contact with the speaker and keep still, not reacting with any negative body language (i.
e. sighing, dropping your head, or tapping your fingers).Allow the speaker to completely finish what they are saying before responding.
Summarize what the speaker has conveyed and ask for clarity if you don’t understand any part of what they’ve said.
Do not offer suggestions or judgment when responding to their statement; you can discuss your opinion later, after they feel truly heard.
Using silence is key to good active listening. Letting silence and processing happen allows the listener to digest what they have heard and respond at the right time with a thoughtful reply. Proverbs 15:23 tells us that to give an appropriate answer is joy, and that a word spoken at the right time is delightful.
Embracing silence is not easy, but it is an important part of healthy relationship communication.
Silent Communication: Effectiveness, Importance, and Tips
Silent communication can be more powerful than words. Here’s what it is and how to use it effectively.
Communication is the tie that binds human beings together. Without it, our thoughts, ideas, and needs could never be expressed or understood.
But communicating involves more than the words we speak. It’s actually a complex process involving verbal and non-verbal exchanges that all have one goal — to allow others to understand how you think and feel.
Yet, out of all forms of communicating, one of the most powerful is silence. Because sometimes, silence speaks louder than words.
Silent communication happens when you don’t use words or sounds during a conversation.
It can mean different things across different cultures. In some cultures, silence can signify respect. Other cultures may perceive it as a lack of interest or unwillingness to communicate.
Silence can also be positive or negative. For instance, positive silence can be constructive by helping to move a conversation forward, change the subject, or indicate an endpoint to the verbal exchange.
In contrast, negative silence can be destructive by shutting down communication or relaying hostility.
It can also be used as the “silent treatment” by people who shut down when emotions run high.
Still, according to a 2015 study, silence is not just the absence of communication but instead can be a productive communication strategy.
Along with silence, we also use other forms of communication to interact. These include:
- Non-verbal: Using facial expressions, gestures, body posture, and body language.
- Verbal: Speaking either face-to-face, over the phone, or virtually.
- Written: Relaying information through written word via documents, emails, or text messages.
- Visual: Using images or examples to communicate ideas.
- Listening: Actively listening to comprehend and understand others.
Communicating silently has many advantages. For example, remaining quiet in certain situations can:
Promotes healthy communication in relationships
As long as it’s positive silence, staying quiet can help you listen to your partner, make them feel heard, and express your comfort within the relationship.
Also, remaining silent can help prevent disagreements from escalating.
Fosters active listening
Effective communication often breaks down when the listener is busy formulating their response in their head instead of really listening to what the other person has to say. Pausing and focusing on the deeper meaning of what the person is trying to convey can help you comprehend and understand before responding.
Supports effective negotiations
When used at certain points in a negotiation, silence can relay confidence and strength. It can also leave space for others to speak.
However, it can create an uncomfortable feeling that may pressure others to fill the void with talking.
Knowing when to ask questions and when to leave space for others to speak can help you more effectively assess the needs of others in a negotiation.
Despite its benefits, silent communication can have negative effects too. Here are some to keep in mind:
Silence can cause miscommunication
Silence during a conversation can convey several meanings, which can differ among individuals.
It can also express anger or hostility unintentionally. In addition, remaining quiet when someone asks you a question can confuse the questioner about how you feel.
Negative silent communication can be toxic
Strategies like the silent treatment, when one person shuts off communication with another out of anger, can be destructive to self-esteem and harm relationships. People with narcissistic personality disorder may use this tactic to control and manipulate others.
Research from 2020 suggests that silence is a highly productive communication tool on its own. The trick is to use it appropriately. Here’s how:
- Use gestures. When silently listening to others, use your eyes, gestures, and posture to convey interest. For example, continue eye contact if that is something the other person is comfortable with, and nod to indicate you acknowledge what they are saying.
- Pause before speaking. During an important conversation, like a job interview, allow a few seconds to pass before you answer questions.
This can prevent you from divulging too much unnecessary information and give you time to formulate an appropriate response. - Use silence for effect. You can use silence to add weight to your statements. For instance, try pausing for a moment after you’ve said something powerful and important to you to allow your message to sink in.
- Practice active listening with silence. For example, while you remain quiet in a conversation, consider making a conscious effort to understand the underlying thoughts, feelings, and ideas the other person is trying to communicate.
But most importantly, try to resist the urge to use silence as a punishment or to manipulate others. Silent communication used in this way will most likely lead to communication breakdown and, in some cases, could be considered abusive.
Sometimes, silence speaks louder than words. This is especially true if silent communication is used effectively.
Whether you’re talking with a friend or engaged in a heated negotiation, practicing positive silent communication at the appropriate times, for the right reasons, can help move conversations and interactions to the next level.
The art of pausing - how it will help you in life
- Lennox Morrison
- BBC Capital
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Are you afraid to be silent even for a while in a conversation or meeting? Do you feel uncomfortable when there is silence? Learning the art of pausing will help you in life and in business. nine0018
When you are at the next planning meeting, pay attention to the pauses that appear in the discussion - how long do they last?
We bet that if you work in an English-speaking company, the longest pause will not exceed a couple of seconds.
Research shows that there is usually only a fraction of a second of silence before someone else speaks - and this is true even for those who use sign language!
However, even if this behavior is universal, our ideas about the acceptable length of a pause and attitude towards silence that occurs in a conversation vary greatly depending on the culture of a particular country.
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This is especially important if you work for an international company or do business with foreign partners.
English speakers tend to feel very uncomfortable if there is a long pause during the discussion of issues.
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Meanwhile, the ability to take a break in time and keep it just as long as necessary will help you dominate during the negotiation of the terms of the transaction, and during negotiations for a salary increase, and during presentations and staff training.
Without a doubt, silence is golden.
Cultural norms
What looks like an awkward or perplexing pause in one culture may be seen as a valuable moment of reflection and respect for what the speaker has just said in others.
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A survey conducted by the University of Groningen (Netherlands) included both Dutch and English speakers. It showed that as soon as the silence during the conversation dragged on for at least four seconds, people began to feel uncomfortable.
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Image caption,In an English-speaking society, people tend to feel uncomfortable when there are pauses in conversation. Meanwhile, the pauses themselves speak volumes
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In the meantime, from another study on people's behavior in meetings, it turned out that the Japanese do not see anything unusual in pauses up to 8.
2 seconds. This figure is almost double that of the Americans.
Such cultural differences are also reflected in sayings. In the USA they say: "grease the squeaky wheel" (the squeaky wheel gets the grease - that is, "help the one who complains" - Approx. Translator), and in Japan - "listen to the one who is silent." nine0011
In Japan, the power of silence is embodied in the concept of haragei (literally, "belly talk", the art of finding solutions out of the ratio, a concept that seems to be associated with the practice of Zen. - Translator's note ), according to which the best way to interact - it is silence.
"When you need words, it already means that you failed to understand each other, and words are designed to help correct the misunderstanding that has arisen," explains Dr. Deborah Tannen, Professor of Linguistics at Georgetown University (USA). nine0011
Donal Karbo, professor of communications at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, cites the example of Finns who generally value restraint, privacy and listening highly.
So, it's a common thing for Finns to sit and meditate silently at meetings. "No one says a word, but everyone is thinking. Everyone is busy. In such a situation, a long silence can be assessed very positively."
But why then do those whose native language is English feel so uncomfortable during long pauses? nine0011
In the US, says Professor Karbo, this may have roots in the history of the country. The colonists who settled in America belonged to different cultures and countries, so for mutual understanding it was important that your intentions be reflected in speech that everyone could understand.
This is partly true for London, he adds.
Conversely, Carbo continues, when the society is more homogeneous, long pauses in conversation are perceived more naturally. For example, in a family circle or among friends, silence can be quite comfortable. nine0011
Silence tactics
The fact that Anglophones are so sensitive to pauses makes silence an effective tool.
Sales Specialist Gavin Presman regularly uses pauses in his work with clients. "For business, five seconds is probably too long, so I use three-second pauses - and the result is amazing," says Presman, director of the British company Inspire, which offers training and development services. nine0011
Image copyright, Getty Images
Image caption,In a business negotiation, pausing before responding to a speaker can be surprisingly effective
A potential client recently told him, "Your services are too expensive cost and I'm not sure we can afford it." "I understand," Presman replied and fell silent.
Ten seconds later, his interlocutor said that he appreciated the benefits of the proposed training and still wanted to conclude an agreement. nine0011
"We often think that silence is just when no one is talking," explains Presman. "But a pause allows the interlocutor to calm down and think about the subject in more depth.
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Cathy Donovan happily quotes the saying "he who speaks first loses".
Early in her career, Donovan, founder of the American consultancy Equal Pay Negotiations, interviewed for a job in sales. nine0011
Right during the interview, she was offered this job. When they called her salary, she said that she would give an answer in a week ... and fell silent.
There was silence, and then the employer's representative announced a higher salary. He repeated his tactics.
After a pause, the third offer followed - this time 20% more than the first one. And then Donovan agreed.
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"The art of silence is much harder to learn than anything else [in business]," says Donovan.
"Because silence goes against our instincts. We always want to fill the gap."
Therefore, she advises not to wait until it comes to difficult negotiations, but to practice on friends and colleagues.
"Ask a simple question, like 'what did you do over the weekend?' and shut up. When you learn to pause, it will help you everywhere - from relationships with friends to buying an apartment." nine0011
When is it better to speak out
Of course, there are situations when it is better to speak out than to remain silent. Your silence can sometimes be misinterpreted, emphasizes Deborah Tannen.
Studies of interactions in the courtroom have shown that lawyers advise their clients not to rush to answer the question, but to think a little while giving evidence.
However, the judge may suspect that the pause before answering means that the witness or defendant wants to lie, Tannen warns.
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The purpose and outcome of silence can ultimately vary greatly. For example, in an office, when a boss communicates his decision, he expects dissenting employees to speak up.
Meanwhile, subordinates may not see the point in talking, because the boss has already decided everything. "And it's a very dangerous situation," says Tannen.
"It's important to learn how to respond to silence appropriately," says Matthew McLaughlan of UK-based learning company Learnlight, "especially when your co-workers are multicultural." nine0011
"Those negotiating on the Chinese side are usually well aware that the Americans tend to fill any gaps. Therefore, the Chinese are specifically taught to be silent and dispassionate in negotiations more often in order to embarrass the Americans and thereby force them to make concessions ", he says.
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And how to respond to such tactics? "Bit your teeth and wait.
Don't offer compromises or concessions just because they don't say anything. If you need to say something, ask a direct question, such as "What is your first reaction to our proposal?".
Image copyright, Getty Images
Image caption,During public speaking, pauses can show the audience that you feel confident and in control
"If the silence goes on for 45 seconds, you can just say, 'Let's go back we'll get to that in a minute, but in the meantime, let's move on to another topic of our negotiations."
During presentations, silence can be a much more effective tool than passionate presentation, McLaughlan continues.
- What makes your presentation exciting
"Before you start, take a look around the audience and be silent for a while. This will tell the audience: "I'm in control. I know what I do. I'm confident."
McLachlan cites Steve Jobs' presentation of the first iPhone as a classic example of this behavior.
"He paused so you didn't miss any important points. Because silence makes us nervous, our instinctive reaction to it is this: we need to focus, now something will happen.0011
Pauses work in the same way when you evaluate the work of a subordinate or a student - especially when you have to report unpleasant things.
"If you talk continuously, you seem to be chewing everything up. Pause, give the person the opportunity to overcome the first emotional reaction and think about what you said, digest it," McLachlan advises.
Silence can be both inward and outward, when you take a break to look around and listen to the world around you, notes Professor Carbo. nine0011
After studying the use of pauses in Finland and, by comparison, among the North American Blackfoot Indians in Montana, he concluded that the benefits of this art go far beyond business applications.
"Silence can be a very powerful tool for understanding yourself, understanding others, for developing better mutual understanding and more productive cooperation.
And this applies not only to business, but also to politics, education, medicine, legal practice - yes, to all areas human life." nine0011
Read more related articles in English at BBC Capital.
About the harm of silence / Sudo Null IT News
Comrades, I want to raise a topic that has been worrying me for a very long time. Maybe it will seem too harsh to someone, and too immodest to someone, but nevertheless.
Personally, as a leader, people who are dissatisfied with something, but sit silently and wait, bring me a lot of inconvenience. Silently waiting for their salary to be raised. Silently they are engaged in uninteresting work in the hope that someday I will notice this and make me happy with a new project. They silently freeze under the air conditioner and go on sick leave without asking to turn it off. nine0011
People sit silently and silently take offense. And then, when the limit of expectation is reached, instead of coming to me and telling me about the problem, they also silently go to a neighboring company for an interview.
Further text is a bit in the "black" style of Slava Pankratov (case), but it's fashionable these days. I hope you will not be confused by the use of "you", as it better conveys the emotional component and meaning of the article.
Manager's monologue
You sit, silent and offended by something. nine0011
I always want to say: “what a kindergarten!”. Am I a telepath? Yes, you just have no right to be offended until you tell me what your problem is! Why be silent in the corner.
If you have a problem, I am always ready to solve it. Be sure, if it is not solved, or I, for some reason, am not ready to solve it now, I will tell you about it myself. But, one way or another, I will think how to help you.
If you have a need, express it. Otherwise, no one will ever know about it. nine0011
Do you have a slow computer and compile code for two hours a day? Why do you stay silent and stay overtime, accumulating resentment along the way? Yes, your two hours a day are worth more than a separate build server! Tell me - and I will solve your problem and either find you a new computer, or ask you to be patient until the funding comes.
But I'll be aware. And I will work on it.
You've been with us for three years, and during this time you've grown to become a serious programmer, but your salary hasn't been raised? Yes, I agree, I missed it. In fact, such things the leader must control himself. But why get up and go to another company just because they have a salary of 10% more? Just tell me about it. Do you think I want one of my best programmers to be constantly in a state of stress, and then dumped into freelancing? I'm pretty sure we'll come to an agreement and you'll get a raise. And you will be happy. And guess what, I'll be happy too. Because (surprisingly!) I like it when my programmers are happy. Yes, and you, happy, will work better - a proven fact. nine0011
You wrote an email yesterday suggesting a performance improvement for a component, and I still haven't replied? Let's be honest: twenty people wrote to me yesterday, not counting spammers. Yes, maybe I just forgot about your wonderful offer. Come and ask.
If I don’t consider it relevant yet, I’ll tell you straight out. Or maybe I'll finally dig it up from the bottom of the mailbox, read it, and say, "Cool, man! Here's your prize."
Do you think that you will be writing accounting forms all your life, but do you want to write highly loaded systems? Do you think that we have never done this, do not do it and will not do it? Is it even worth asking? Yes, imagine, I have already lost my feet in search of a person to whom I could entrust this task. nine0011
Even if we don't need high-load systems, I'll tell you straight. You will know for sure that you probably need to change jobs. And I, in general, I will be ready for this. Or maybe I’ll think: “why not try it?”. Why not?
Have you been fixing bugs in someone else's code for three months now? You are sick of it, but you are silent and already sending out resumes? Have you ever tried to tell me about it? And then I look at you and wonder: “how do you like to dig with these elusive glitches - the other would have been indignant long ago, but you still work.
