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Signs of being a masochist


10 Signs You Might Be A Masochist: Behaviors, Traits & More

But there are also less healthy types of masochism that manifest in people's personal and professional lives.

The psychological masochist is someone who looks for ways to torment themselves in their day-to-day.

To know if someone is a masochist, we've broken down some common masochistic behaviors, traits, and tendencies.

1.

The No. 1 sign that someone is a masochist is that they are unable to say no.

Saying no is not selfish or unkind—it's an act of radical self-care. It's a way to communicate that you’re not able to say yes without inflicting literal or metaphorical pain upon yourself.

If you're not sure whether to say yes or no, pause and take a breather. Does your inclination to say yes come from a desire to please someone or seek approval?

Check your motivations and give yourself permission to be kind to yourself.

Remember, "No" is a complete sentence, and it's possible to say it with infinite compassion and tenderness.

2.

You're religious about your morning meditation practice. You try to do yoga every day, even when you're sick, and if you miss it, you feel awful.

You won't let yourself "cheat" on your diet, even when it's your birthday. You beat yourself up when you have too much to drink, and gaining five pounds turns you into a self-berating exercise tyrant.

Ease up. While there's nothing wrong with discipline and good intentions, our quirks, eccentricities, triumphs, and mistakes are what make us so beautifully human.

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3.

A masochist sees personal pain and sacrifice as a means to gain validation.

Check your motivations any time you're called on for a favor, especially those that require you to sacrifice a lot of yourself.

If you're driven by feelings of unworthiness that lead you to overcompensate, or by a fear of disappointing someone, go inward. Soothe the part of you that yearns to rescue, and rescue yourself this time instead.

4.

Many people, especially those with the healer archetype, tend to get uncomfortable when too many blessings flow their way. In order to turn this around, you'll have to practice "bench pressing" your receiving muscles.

Just like biceps, your receiving muscles need exercise. Try giving yourself what psychologist Anne Davin, Ph.D., calls a "beauty bath."

Treat yourself to beauty in all forms—beautiful music, aromatherapy oils, a Rumi poem, fresh flowers, a symphony. Overdo it. Practice drinking in all the beauty instead of resisting it. We all deserve blessings—you do too.

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5.

Narcissists can be charismatic, compelling, magnetic, and hard to avoid. But if you keep walking straight into that trap over and over, you may very well be a masochist—and an echoist, aka the opposite of a narcissist who's always falling for them.

Break the pattern now, and choose to spare yourself the heartbreak and disappointment you'll inevitably feel when you keep choosing to be the Echo to someone's Narcissus.

6.

It's one thing to be kind, compassionate, and accommodating. It's a whole other thing to let yourself become a doormat. The latter falls into masochistic territory.

Be soft and yielding but also fierce and strong. It's possible to be multifaceted and embrace all sides of you—and that includes a side that won't be taken advantage of. It's a surefire way to turn masochism into self-love and self-respect.

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7.

Many masochistic behaviors actually stem from perfectionism. Life is messy. It's easy to become overwhelmed by a fear of being perceived as imperfect—a sort of fascism of the soul.

Give your soul permission to be imperfect. It needs room to experiment, screw up, learn the hard way, and ultimately rise above it.

8.

There's no way to avoid feeling sad, lost, disappointed, scared, or angry sometimes.

Spiritual bypassing—masking emotions by shifting your energy or monitoring your thoughts—always comes back to bite you.

While it may help you avoid painful emotions in the short term, suppressing yourself is a soul-splintering sort of masochism.

Try to feel what you feel without holding back or judging any emotion as "wrong." Resist nothing. You'll be surprised by how quickly most painful emotions pass when you relax into them.

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9.

Masochists see drama and run right into the heart of it. If you're a drama junkie, ask yourself why. Doesn't it hurt? Do you want to keep hurting?

Give yourself permission to prioritize the people and situations that cultivate the stillness in you.

10.

While I'm not suggesting that we should all turn into overindulgent hedonists, the inability to relax into simple pleasures is an obvious sign of masochism.

Do you find yourself bored when life flows with ease? Do you have a story that says that everything good in life comes alongside pain? Well, it's time to rewrite the story. Allow yourself to experience infinite blessings without undue pain.

Make sure you're not kicking yourself if some points on this list describe you. Again, it's OK that you're not perfect.

Just think of this as a time to look inward and work on yourself—most of us have tendencies that result in some form of self-sabotage, and now you've identified a few of yours.

Now all you need to do is take some proactive steps and show yourself a little love.

Signs, Possible Disorders, and Reducing Stigma

Signs of sexual masochism and sadism are not necessarily symptoms of a mental health disorder. It’s time to reduce the stigma.

For some, open conversations about sex continue to be a touchy subject, especially if you engage in practices that are deemed “unconventional.”

Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism (BSDM) lies under the larger umbrella of kink, which is considered sexual activity that does not “follow the straight and narrow. ”

If you’re someone less versed in the ins and outs of BDSM, hearing of a person being slapped or tied up during sex may sound scary, but in reality, many feel empowered through their engagement.

It’s important to learn the difference between healthy fun and a potential issue. While avoiding pain is paramount for some, others find it pleasurable.

Sexual masochism is defined as taking erotic pleasure in receiving pain.

While this can include being tied up, beaten, or degraded verbally, it can also include more subtle acts, such as biting or rough sexual intercourse.

Sadism is defined as taking erotic pleasure in inflicting pain on others.

Similarly, this can include using bondage on another individual, impact play, or degradation.

Marla Renee Stewart, MA, sexologist and lecturer in Women’s and Gender Studies at Clayton State University in Morrow, Georgia, says, “There’s two sides to everything — for every masochist, there is a sadist.”

Sadomasochism refers to the enjoyment of both giving and receiving pain in sexual settings.

Consent is a non-negotiable pillar when it comes to safety within kink and BDSM. All parties involved have to agree to boundaries around activities that will take place — otherwise, you are involved in an abusive situation.

Because of the stigma that surrounds the kink community in tandem with the lack of accurate media portrayals (no, “Fifty Shades of Grey” does not count — boundaries should never be crossed) there are often misunderstandings about the intricacies of the community and how sexual interactions unfold.

For those outside of the community, it can be assumed that violence or aggression during sex is the only important facet, whereas key elements of safe “play” include:

  • informed consent
  • safe words
  • boundaries and limits
  • aftercare

Masochism and sadism as paraphilia

Several researchers have referred to desire around pain as “disordered,” defining it as a paraphilia. Paraphilia is a condition characterized by abnormal sexual desires typically involving extreme or dangerous activities.

While experts may separate masochistic or sadistic behavior from disordered behavior depending on severity, the inclusion of the term as a paraphilia leads to the idea that those desires are “deviant.”

Stewart discusses the stigma around engaging in BDSM, particularly masochism and sadism, because of these preconceived ideas about how it may feel and what it says about an individual.

Studies have suggested those who participate in BDSM-related activities are no more likely to have diagnosed mental health disorders, and may even have better psychological health than those who do not.

When it comes to biology, the pain and pleasure centers within our brains are very close together and research shows that they release similar chemicals when engaged, resulting in a pleasurable response to pain.

Clinical definitions

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition (DSM-5) definition is clear that a recurrence of distressing thoughts and urges around masochism are necessary for it to be considered a disorder.

According to their entry on sexual masochism disorder, diagnostic criteria include:

  • The person experiences intense urges or behaviors involving receiving extreme physical pain or humiliation for erotic purposes.
  • These urges significantly and negatively impact day-to-day life.
  • Symptoms are present for at least 6 months.

If a medical professional diagnoses sexual masochism disorder, they may specify if additional conditions may be present. For example, the specifier “with asphyxiophilia” means a person has been diagnosed with sexual masochism disorder and experiences sexual arousal by asphyxiation (restricting breathing). However, a specifier is not a requirement for diagnosing sexual masochism disorder.

The DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for sexual sadism disorder similarly include:

  • The person experiences intense urges or behaviors involving inflicting or observing physical or psychological suffering of another person for erotic purposes.
  • The person has acted on these urges with a person without their consent or the urges significantly and negatively impact day-to-day life.
  • Symptoms are present for at least 6 months.

Both DSM-5 diagnoses require the person to experience significant distress, which is different from BDSM in which there is consent and no distress. Plus, sexual sadism disorder can involve a nonconsenting partner, which is unacceptable in BDSM.

Some experts suggest that while changes from the fourth to the fifth edition of the DSM have brought some improvements with regard to paraphilic disorders, there’s still a high risk of falsely diagnosing people with disorders such as sexual masochistic or sexual sadism disorder based on the updated criteria in DSM-5.

‘It’s abuse’

Stewart cites both misunderstandings and our current association with pain as reasons behind the stigma. “It’s around religion and slavery, and [they] can be attributed to why we believe that pain is a ‘bad’ thing and why we should not seek it out,” she says.

Historically, there are ample examples of people gaining pleasure from both giving and receiving pain, and if you and your partner(s) fully enjoy yourselves, there is no cause for concern.

“Pain is used to punish. So, if we think about anything in history, we’ve been taught over time that we use pain for punishment rather than to actually enjoy the pain,” Stewart explains.

However, when consent is incorporated into the process and boundaries are respected, then activities that occur are not abusive.

In fact, according to a 2015 study, some who engage in these kink activities have reported that it can be therapeutic, while others report that engaging in BDSM enables folks to reach an alternate state of consciousness or that it serves as an alternate form of leisure or meditative practice.

Hurt vs. harm

Stewart discusses the differences between hurt and harm, and how it’s commonplace to use the terms interchangeably even though they’re quite different.

“Harm is where we say, ‘harm is where the psychological trauma is,’ but not necessarily the hurt, the pain. We’ve just been taught that when things are painful, they are not good. So it just takes a lot of that unlearning,” she says.

One of the main differences between hurt and harm is the role of consent. Pain inflicted and received between two consenting adults can include hurt, but without everyone having consented, it becomes abuse — resulting in harm.

Potential engagements in masochism or sadism may include:

  • biting
  • scratching
  • rough sexual intercourse
  • bondage, including rope play or suspension
  • impact play, including slapping, whipping, or spanking

Because these are actions that typically cause pain and, in some cases, can lead to pleasure, incorporating them during sexual encounters falls under the category of BDSM.

Masochism and sadism are important parts of BDSM interactions, and despite the continued stigma that folks within the kink community receive, when engaged among consenting adults, it can lead to positive experiences.

The DSM-5 has entries for both sexual masochistic disorder and sexual sadistic disorder, both of which require an extreme desire for pain — either to be given or to inflict — to the point that their regular lives are significantly and negatively impacted and they’re unable to function.

This differs greatly from kink practices, which can be playful, empowering, fun, and sexy — without negatively affecting day-to-day life.

If you engage in practice similar to those listed with partners who fully consent and you’re not feeling any distress around your engagements, then there is a good chance that your sexual interactions are just plain old kinky.

But if you have concerns about your urges and desires, you can always seek out a medical professional or sex therapist to discuss.

FGBNU NTsPZ. ‹‹Sexual psychopathy››

The facts of masochism are in any case among the most interesting in the field of psychopathology. An attempt to explain them has, first of all, its task to investigate what is the main, essential in this phenomenon, and what is secondary, inessential.

In any case, the defining feature in masochism is the desire for unlimited submission to the will of a person of the opposite sex (in sadism, on the contrary, the unlimited enslavement of this person), and this submission is accompanied by voluptuous sexual sensations up to the development of orgasm. From what has been said, it is clear that the very manner in which this submission or enslavement (see above) manifests itself plays a secondary role, whether it finds expression in symbolic acts alone, or whether at the same time there will be an attraction to enduring suffering on behalf of the other sex. nine0003

While sadism can be considered a pathological enhancement of the psychic side of the male sexual character, masochism represents rather a painful degeneration of the specific female psychic sexual manifestations.

But, undoubtedly, masochism is very common in men, and it is for the most part that it manifests itself externally and almost exclusively fills the factual material at our disposal. The reasons why cases of masochism in men predominate in the literature have already been considered by us above (see p. 199-201).

For masochism, in the world of normal phenomena, we can point to two roots.

Firstly, in a state of voluptuous excitement any effect exerted by the person from whom sexual irritation proceeds on the person serving as the object of excitation is desirable for the latter, regardless of what kind of effect this will be. Seeing caress in light pushes, weak blows does not at all mean going beyond physiological limits.0015 1 . Let us recall Shakespeare, for example: “Like loved ones who sting, bringing pain and pleasure” 2 (Antony and Cleopatra, V, 2).

Thus, without much stretch, it can be recognized that the desire to experience the strongest possible influence on the part of the partner will lead, in cases of a pathological increase in love ardor, to an attraction to blows, etc., since pain is undoubtedly a means always ready to serve. intense physical impact. Just as in sadism the sexual affect leads to exaltation, in which overflowing psychomotor excitation rushes along secondary paths, in masochism ecstasy develops, in which the growing tide of a certain sensation greedily absorbs every influence emanating from the beloved person, thus causing a feeling of voluptuousness. nine0003

The second and, of course, the more powerful root of masochism must be sought in one widespread phenomenon, which, although it already belongs to the realm of the extraordinary, the abnormal, does not yet go into the realm of perversion of the psyche.

I am referring here to the common fact that in countless cases, appearing in the most varied variations, one individual falls under a completely unusual, very sharply conspicuous dependence on another individual of the opposite sex, a dependence that comes to the loss of all independent will, induces the subordinate party to commit acts that cause severe damage to its own interests and often offend morality and come into conflict with the law. nine0003

This dependence, however, differs from the phenomena of normal life only in the intensity of the sexual desire involved here and the weakening of the will, which was supposed to serve as a counterbalance to the latter; the difference is thus only quantitative and not qualitative, as is the case with the phenomena of masochism.

This fact of the abnormal but not yet perverted dependence of one person on another person of the opposite sex, a fact of great interest especially from a forensic point of view, I call “sexual slavery ” , because the relations arising from this are in the nature of non-free will. The will of the ruling side dominates the will of the subordinate side in exactly the same way as the will of the master over the will of the slave.

This "sexual slavery", as I said, is, in any case, already a mentally abnormal phenomenon. It begins precisely where the external norm is lost, where the degree of dependence of one side on the other, or both on each other, prescribed by laws and customs, is lost due to individual characteristics, due to the intensity of motives that are normal in themselves. But, on the other hand, "sexual slavery" is by no means a perverted phenomenon: the motives operating here are the same, which - though with less intensity - set in motion the mental sexual life, which proceeds within quite normal limits. nine0003

The fear of losing the friend of the heart, the desire to keep him always contented, amiable and prone to sexual intercourse - such are the motives of the subordinate side at work here. An extraordinary degree of falling in love, which, especially in women, is by no means always equivalent to a special degree of sensuality, and on the other hand, weakness of the will - these are the simple elements of this phenomenon.

The motives of the other side is selfishness, which in this case meets a fertile ground for its development. nine0003

The forms in which the phenomena of sexual slavery can be expressed are extremely diverse, and the number of such cases is quite large. Men who have fallen under sexual slavery, we meet in life at every step. This includes among the married the so-called "husbands under the shoe" ("henpecked"), especially those who, already in adulthood, married the young and unconditional compliance with all the whims of the spouse seek to compensate for the discrepancy between age and physical properties; furthermore, old bachelors must be included in the same category, who, by unbearable sacrifices, try to improve their last chances in love; these are also men of all ages who, burning with a fiery passion for a woman, meet indifference and calculation on her part and are forced to capitulate on difficult conditions for them; further, amorous natures, so pliable that they allow obviously dissolute women to tie themselves with the bonds of Hymen; finally, those men who, running after adventurers, forget about their duties, put their entire future at stake, leave their wife, children, parents to the mercy of fate, squander the money intended to support the family, throwing it all at the feet of the hetaira. nine0003

But, no matter how numerous examples of male enslavement, any fairly impartial observer must admit that they remain far behind female slavery both in number and in importance. Yes, this is easily explained. For a man, love is almost always only an episode; along with it, he still has many other important interests; on the contrary, for a woman, love is the main content of life, before the birth of a child - almost always comes first, after birth - often still in the first place and always already, in any case, in the next place after him. But there is still an incomparably more true circumstance, namely: a man, overwhelmed by sexual desire, extinguishes it easily in the arms of a woman, for which he has countless cases; the woman of the upper classes, if she ever succeeded in obtaining a husband, is chained to him alone, and even in the lower strata of society, polyandry still encounters considerable obstacles. nine0003

For this reason, for women, the husband or man whom she has personifies the whole sex, and, accordingly, his significance for her increases to an enormous degree. In addition, one more condition must be reckoned with: the normal relations created between a man and a woman by laws and customs are far from being equal in rights, and already in themselves sufficiently include the predominant dependence of a woman. The deeper, to the level of slavery, they are reduced by the concessions that a woman makes to the chosen one of her heart, wanting to keep his love, which almost nothing can replace her, and the higher are the claims of those men who have made a firm decision to use the benefits of their position and make it is the use of the boundless female readiness for the victims of the profession. nine0003

Here belong the dowry hunters, who make huge sums pay for the destruction of the illusions easily created about them by girls; tireless don Juans and seducers of women, speculating on blackmail, so that the victims pay off them with money; sons of Mars with gold-embroidered uniforms and artists with a lion's mane who can quickly get inexperienced girls to exclaim: "You or death!" - and in this way to pay their debts and secure a quiet life; here we also include the fireman, whose love the cook must pay with her love, the products of her kitchen and alcoholic drinks, and the apprentice who marries his mistress and drinks away her savings, and the gigolo, who forces the prostitute with whom he lives with his fists to go out every day to fish and earn money for it. nine0003

These are but a few of the innumerable forms of slavery to which woman falls so easily because of her highly developed need for love and the difficulties of her position.

We considered it necessary to briefly describe here the phenomenon of sexual slavery, because in it, obviously, one must look for the soil from which the main root of masochism grows.

The kinship of the two phenomena of psychic sexual life is immediately evident. Both sexual slavery and masochism consist, in essence, in the unconditional submission of a person suffering from an anomaly to a person of the opposite sex and in the enslavement of the former by the latter.0015 1 .

But both phenomena, in turn, can be sharply demarcated from each other, and the difference between them is not quantitative, but qualitative.

Sexual slavery is not a perversion: it is nothing pathological; the elements of which it is composed, namely love and weakness of the will, are not perverted elements, and it is only their mutual correlation in the sense of intensity that causes an abnormal result, which is to a great extent contrary to the self-interests of the enslaved person and quite often comes into conflict with customs and laws. The motive that compels the subordinate side to act here and endure the despotism of the enslaving side is the normal attraction to a woman (respectively, to a man), satisfied at the price of her enslavement. The actions of the subordinate side, in which sexual slavery finds its expression, are carried out on the orders of the ruling side with the aim of serving its greed, etc. For the enslaved, they have no independent significance; for him, they are only a means to achieve or maintain the actual final goal - the possession of the enslaving side. Finally, sexual slavery is a consequence of love for a particular individual; it develops only after this love has awakened. nine0003

All this develops completely differently with masochism, which, of course, is a pathological phenomenon, a perversion. Here, the motive for action and humiliation by the subordinate side is the irritation that tyranny, as such, has on him. The subjugated party may also desire sexual intercourse with the enslaving party; but in any case, its attraction is also directed to actions that serve as an expression of tyranny, as to the immediate objects of satisfaction. nine0003

These actions, in which masochism is expressed, are for the subordinate side not a means to an end, as in simple submission, but the ultimate goal itself. Finally, in masochism, the desire for submission arises already in advance, regardless of the desire for a particular object of love.

The connection between simple submission and masochism, which must be recognized in view of the uniformity of external manifestations in both phenomena, despite the difference in motive, and further the transition of this abnormality into perversion can be explained approximately as follows.

Whoever remains in a state of sexual subordination for a long time is prone to acquiring a slight degree of masochism. The love that willingly endures tyranny for the sake of the beloved then becomes the love of tyranny. If the idea of ​​a state of subordination for a long time is closely connected with a voluptuous attitude towards a beloved being, then in the end voluptuousness is transferred to the very subordination and perversion sets in. This is the way in which masochism can develop. nine0003

Thus, a slight degree of masochism can also arise from sexual slavery, be acquired. But real, complete masochism, with its passionate striving for the subordination of one's personality from the earliest youth, as described by those suffering from this perversion, is an innate phenomenon.

The most correct explanation of the emergence of a fully developed masochism as a perversion, at least a rare one, should be sought in the assumption that it develops out of the very often manifested abnormality of sexual slavery, moreover, in such a way that this0013 abnormality is inherited by psychopathic individual, is expressed in perversion. We have already said above that a slight deviation of the psychic elements involved here is capable of causing this transition. But what an associative habit can do for possible cases of acquired masochism, the varying play of heredity does for undoubtedly established cases of innate masochism. In this case, it is not the addition of a new element to sexual slavery, but the loss of the former, that which links love and dependence and thus distinguishes sexual slavery from masochism, abnormality from perversion. It is quite natural that only the instinct of attraction is inherited. nine0003

This transition of abnormality into perversion through hereditary transmission can especially easily occur when the psychopathic constitution of the hereditarily burdened individual endows him with another factor of masochism, what we have called above the first root of masochism, namely, the tendency of natures with sexual hyperesthesia to assimilate everything emanating from a loved person. sexual influences.

From both of these elements - sexual slavery on the one hand, from the aforementioned propensity for sexual ecstasy, which perceives torture in a voluptuous coloring - on the other, from these two elements, the roots of which can be traced back to the physiological sphere, masochism arises on a corresponding favorable soil, moreover, sexual hyperesthesia, which at first is only a physiological, and then an abnormal appendage of sexual life, intensifies to a pathological degree - to a perversion. nine0003

In any case, masochism, as an inborn sexual perversion, is a functional symptom of degeneration within the limits of (almost exclusively hereditary) aggravation, and this clinical experience is confirmed by the cases of masochism and sadism that I observe.

It is easy to prove that the peculiar mentally abnormal direction of sexual life, which is masochism, is an inborn abnormality, and does not grow in a person predisposed to it from passive flagellantism by association of ideas, as Rousseau and Binet believe, is easy to prove. nine0003

This primarily follows from the numerous, moreover, constituting the vast majority of cases in which flagellantism has never been born among masochists, and the perverted attraction is directed exclusively to purely symbolic actions, expressing submission, without actually causing pain.

This is evident, further, from the details of observation reported above.

Then the conclusion that passive flagellantism cannot be the main core around which everything else is layered is also led by a closer examination not only of observations 50 but also of 52 in which it plays a role. nine0003

Observation 58 is especially instructive in this respect, because in this case it is no longer possible to draw a conclusion about the sexually exciting effect of punishment endured in childhood. In general, in this case, the possibility of linking the perversion with previous experience is ruled out, since the situation that here forms the subject of the main sexual interest is not applicable to the child.

Finally, the emergence of masochism from purely psychic elements is convincingly revealed by comparing this perversion with sadism (see below). nine0003

That passive flagellantism is so common in masochism is simply because it is the most powerful vehicle for expressing the idea of ​​submission.

I insist that the decisive point for distinguishing simple, passive flagellantism from flagellantism that develops on the basis of a masochistic striving is that in the first case, flagellation is a means to achieve by this way a possible copulation, or at least ejaculation, in the latter case - means for mental satisfaction in the sense of masochistic drives. nine0003

As we saw above, however, masochists also subject themselves to all sorts of other tortures in torment, in which there can be no more talk of a reflex excitation of voluptuousness. In view of the large number of these cases, it is necessary to investigate the relationship between the sensations of pain and voluptuousness in acts of this kind (and also in the equally significant scourging of masochists). Based on the testimony of one masochist, these relationships develop as follows.

It must not be thought that an action that usually causes physical pain is felt here as a physical pleasure; a person in masochistic ecstasy does not experience any pain, either because, due to his affect (as it happens with a soldier in the heat of battle), his skin nerves do not perceive physical influences at all, or because (according to analogies with religious martyrs and those falling into mystical ecstasy), the overflow of consciousness with voluptuous sensations suppresses the idea of ​​torture so much that the latter loses its painful features. nine0003

In the second case, to a certain extent, an excessive compensation of physical pain by psychic pleasure takes place, and only the difference is recognized as a residual psychic pleasure. This latter is further enhanced by the fact that either because of the reflex-spinal influence, or because of the peculiar coloring of sensory impressions, a kind of hallucination of physical pleasure arises with a completely indefinite localization of the sensation projected in this way. nine0003

A similar phenomenon is apparently observed in the self-torture of religious fanatics (fakirs, dervishes, scourges), but with a different content of ideas that evoke a feeling of pleasure. And here, in the same way, the idea of ​​torment is perceived without the painful properties of the latter, due to the fact that the consciousness is filled with pleasure-colored ideas about serving God through torment, about eradicating sins, achieving heavenly bliss, etc.

In order to determine what place masochism occupies in the field of sexual perversions, one must proceed from the fact that it is a pathologically exaggerated manifestation of the female sexual psyche, since its sign is patience, subordination to the will and strength of another. Among peoples who are at a low level of culture, the subordination of a woman comes to brutality in relation to her, and this shameful fact of dependence arouses in her a voluptuous feeling and is taken as proof of love. It is very likely that for women in more civilized stages of development, the role of the subordinate side is considered pleasant, and this submission is an integral part of the voluptuous sensation during sexual intercourse, just as every courageous act of a man causes a certain sexual arousal in a woman. There is no doubt that the masochist experiences the same thing in the passive female role and that his sexual satisfaction depends on how well he succeeds in the illusion of submission to the will of the mistress. women as a consequence of her passive role. nine0003

He who is masochistically disposed, therefore, endeavors for his own purpose to endow the other side with the psychic sexual characteristics of a man, even in an exaggerated form, perverted to the extent that a sadistic woman represents his ideal.

From all that has been said, one can conclude that masochism is, in essence, a rudimentary form of a perverted sexual feeling, a partial form of effemination that captures only the secondary features of the sexual character. Such a view has already been carried out in the 6th edition of this book. nine0003

This assumption finds confirmation in the fact that heterosexual masochists themselves note the femininity of their nature, and observation reveals the presence of feminine character traits in them; hence it is clear why masochistic character traits are so frequent in homosexual men.

And with masochism in women there is a similar tendency to pervert the sexual feeling.

Thus, in observation 85 the woman, at least in her sleep, feels herself a slave of the man she represents, and she herself is surprised that she never sees the role of a slave.

She tries to explain this fact that strikes her in the waking state as follows: she always dreams of a man who is proud, high-ranking by nature, since under these conditions submission to a loved one is stronger. But this explanation is unsatisfactory. The fact that this is not about sexual subordination (a ghostly form of masochism) follows from the fact that this lady herself says: “I imagined that I was his slave, but this did not satisfy me. After all, every woman can serve as a slave to her husband!” Very interesting for explaining female masochism is the following observation by Moll concerning the homosexuality of a woman with passive flagellantism and coprolagnia. nine0003

Observation 88. X., 26-year-old girl, with severe heredity. From the age of 6, mutual cunnilingus, from that time until 17 years, for lack of a suitable occasion, solitary masturbation. After that, and to the present, cunnilingus with various girlfriends, and in some cases she took on an active role, in others - a passive one and sometimes experienced a feeling of ejaculation. For many years again coprolagnia. She received maximum pleasure by licking the anus of her beloved woman, as well as her friend's menstrual blood. The same effect had a strong blow to the naked buttocks of an attractive girlfriend. The thought of coprolagnia with a man was disgusting to her. nine0003

Satisfaction through cunnilingus with a man was obtained only when she replaced the man with a woman in her fantasy. Sexual intercourse with a man did not excite her. Erotic dreams were exclusively of a homosexual nature and revolved exclusively around active or passive cunnilingus. When kissing, mutual bites 2 brought especially great satisfaction, especially in the earlobe, even to the point of pain and swelling of this part of the body.

For a long time, X. has been marked by masculine tendencies, she likes to appear among men as a man. She had been working for 10-15 years in a relative's pub, most willingly in trousers and a leather apron. Intelligent, good-tempered and quite happy in her homosexual perversion. She smokes a lot, drinks beer willingly, has a female larynx (Dr. Flatau), amazingly underdeveloped breasts, large arms and legs (Moll A. - Internationales Zentralblatt fur Physiologie und Pathologie der Ham- und Sexualorgane, IV, 3).

what is it. Causes and symptoms of psychological masochism

What is masochism, what are its causes, consequences and classification. A brief historical excursion into the development of the doctrine of masochism, a description of its individual types and their consequences for the person himself and his environment. The influence of masochism on the social adaptation of the individual, the problems provoked by it and the rationale for the need to treat this disorder. All these topics became the subject of a conversation with the Chief Physician of the Harmony Zdorovya Medical Center, a psychiatrist, psychiatrist-narcologist and psychotherapist Vladislav Sipovich. nine0003

What is masochism, what is the history of this term and the classification of masochism in medicine?

Masochism means getting pleasure by a person from humiliation, torment and violence against himself, produced by himself or another person. It can be a property of character or a deviation of behavior from generally accepted norms (deviation). The term masochism was first introduced into psychiatric practice by the psychiatrist-neurologist Richard von Kraft-Ebing in 1886, borrowing it on behalf of the Austrian writer Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, in many of whose works there was a detailed description of this psychological disorder. nine0003

With regard to medical classification, there is no complete clarity. For example, in the American Diagnostic Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), only masochistic sexual disorder is present, and masochistic personality disorder as a mental disorder is absent, although there were previously such proposals. As a mental disorder, masochism is not mentioned in the International Classification of Diseases (ICD). Therefore, at the present stage, this personality disorder is considered as a psychological phenomenon without severe violations of the mental state and behavior of the individual. nine0003

There are several varieties of masochism, namely:
• Sexual - the only type of masochism that can be officially diagnosed. In this case, the diagnosis is made if signs of repeated sexual arousal during humiliation, pain and violence are observed for at least 6 months. The natural partner for the masochist is the sadist, and the more aggressive his actions, the more satisfaction the masochist gets. In society, it is interpreted as a sexual perversion. Also, an important criterion for diagnosis is the negative impact of such a condition on the performance of social, professional and other human functions. nine0159 • Psychological masochism. It was proposed by psychiatrists for inclusion in the medical classification as a medically diagnosed disorder, but has not yet been included in the ICD. It includes the moral aspect, when the sufferer dooms himself to constant punishment for some far-fetched or real offenses (sins) and the mental one, associated with destructive thoughts and actions in relation to his own personality.
• Female masochism was the subject of research for the father of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud. He considered it as a kind of masochism along with moral and sexual (erogenous) and did not separate it from the female essence and stereotypes of a woman's behavior. In his opinion, the position of a woman in society, based on the suppression of her activity, aggressiveness, the recognition of a dependent position from a man (father, husband), secondary decision-making contributes to the formation of strong masochistic aspirations. Some researchers assumed the genetic origin of female masochism, which to some extent "justified" female masochism and made it essentially a natural normal phenomenon for a woman, associated with childbearing, motherhood and self-sacrifice for the sake of children. The problem of female masochism still remains in the field of view of psychoanalysts, but there is a consensus on issues of its nature, importance for fulfilling the main social role as a mother and guardian of the family hearth, the negative consequences of humiliation and constant beatings both for the woman herself and for her children remain debatable. The unconscious desire to experience physical pain, moral satisfaction from suffering makes the problem of female masochism extremely relevant, especially when it is supported by religious beliefs and lifestyle. The formula "God endured and commanded us!" can be fatal for a woman and crippling the psyche of the younger generation growing up in a family. nine0159 • Mental masochism - imagined participation in violent, degrading, physically and mentally painful situations. It can have mental, sexual and mixed content.
• Mass or cult masochism. It is observed in a number of communities, mainly has a religious connotation.

Tell us more about sexual masochism - what is the danger, how common is it, who is more susceptible (men or women)?

Sexual masochism is a form of paraphilia, which in simple terms means any sexual deviation and is expressed in continuous abnormal interest, desires and behavior associated with sexual urges. At the same time, sexual impulses and fantasies lead to actions that usually do not cause sexual arousal in other people. Sexual masochism is recognized as a disorder if it leads to severe discomfort, significantly reduces the quality of life and / or causes severe functional impairment and lasts more than six months. nine0003

The prevalence of sexual masochism is practically unknown. There are only separate national surveys on the presence of this paraphilic disorder. For example, a telephone survey in Australia in 2001-2002. found that 2.2% of men and 1.3% of women were involved in acts of sexual masochism or sadomasochism during the previous year. In general, sadomasochistic sexual behavior by mutual agreement of partners is quite common and takes the form of a kind of ritual that is regularly repeated for a long time. At the same time, partners in their hearts recognize that this is just a game and avoid serious injuries and actions dangerous to life and health. But sometimes, for example, if it is possible to achieve orgasm only with the help of masochism, the desire to experience more and more thrills can make the masochist go into a "rage" and risk not only his health, but also his life. nine0003

Masochists during sexual intercourse may themselves use masochistic fantasies and techniques on themselves, actions:
• Binding or handcuffing.
• Blindfolding.
• Skin punctures.
• Action of electric current.
• Burning to specific areas of the body.

If the masochist managed to meet the partner of his dreams, namely the sadist, then the actions of the latter may be of the following nature:
• Flagellation with a whip. nine0159 • Severe painful spanking.
• Role-playing games with imitation of rape, forced dressing, punishment of the delinquent, executions, etc.
• Defecation or urination on partner's body, etc.

In sadomasochism, the set of sexual fantasies is extremely wide, since partners have practically no restraining moral and mental restrictions. The only deterrent is the fear of serious injury or death. But sometimes even this limiter does not work, the partner in ecstasy may miscalculate his efforts and ultimately kill or maim his partner. nine0003

Particularly dangerous in this regard is autoerotic suffocation, otherwise referred to as asphyxiophilia. It manifests itself in the fact that masochists of this type in any way make it difficult for themselves to breathe, causing incomplete suffocation. Scarves, pantyhose, belts and other items of clothing can be used as chokeholds. Usually the partner uses them, but sometimes the masochist himself hangs himself from the door handle, pipe, etc. The consequence of such experiments with breathing is cerebral hypoxia, accompanied by a temporary increase in erotic arousal and hallucinations. Then a loss of consciousness can occur relatively quickly, and if the tension of the loop is not released in time, then all this can result in irreversible changes in the GM and death. If a person experiments alone, then naturally, having lost consciousness, he will not be able to rescue himself, and if together with a partner, then the latter may simply not notice the agony of his sexual counterpart. nine0159 Sexual masochism can be treated with great difficulty, but if desired, it can at least be controlled.

As for the causes of sexual masochism, they are little studied. It is believed that masochistic tendencies during sexual intercourse are inherent in man by nature. For example, biting lips, earlobes or nipples, light slaps or harmless tweaks are not actually masochism, but simply act as irritants of erogenous zones. When and how the transformation of light painful, but pleasantly exciting “caresses” into obviously perverted impulses of a masochistic nature takes place, it is rather difficult to say. Probably every masochist comes to this in his own way. nine0159 By the way, many psychoanalysts suggest that children who have undergone painful medical procedures are highly likely to become sexual masochists in the future.

How does psychological masochism manifest itself, what ideas does a masochist follow in his behavior?

Masochistic character traits are to some extent inherent in every person, for example, the ability to sacrifice, the desire to find a compromise even at the cost of one's own interests and desires, moral suffering in order to achieve a goal, etc. It's all about the measure - you can step on your own "I", if necessary for a good cause, but constantly creating conditions for the feeling of your own suffering and at the same time focusing the attention of others on them, is already a clear perversion of the psyche. nine0003

By the way, the term moral masochism was introduced at the dawn of psychoanalysis by Sigmund Freud, who considered it as human behavior leading to the devaluation of one's own personality, suffering and self-harm.

The causes of psychological masochism usually lie in childhood and are laid by parents or other significant people for the child. Disregard for the interests and desires of the little man, non-recognition of his abilities, indifference to his feelings and experiences, constant reproaches, threats and orders such as “obey”, “do not cross”, “do not arise”, “hide”, etc. capable of perverting the child's psyche. Trying to earn parental love and / or recognition of a significant environment, the child practically renounces his own desires and needs, and then transfers such behavior into adulthood. In addition, a person can become a masochist even when he grew up in a family where his mother or father showed a similar model of behavior. nine0159 For clarity, I will give examples of the most typical, slightly exaggerated portraits of masochists:
• A hyper-caring mother who fulfills all the desires of her child, sacrificing herself and her interests for the sake of the child. I work constantly, I don’t get enough sleep, I don’t eat up, I practically don’t rest, but the child has everything he wants - freshly squeezed juice, freshly baked chicken, selected pork cutlets, cakes and other sweets, hot every day - any order will be fulfilled even at the cost of incredible efforts . The poor thing has a blockage with homework - I’ll do it instead, if only the child doesn’t overstrain, doesn’t pull the “university” - I’ll help in any way I can, I’ll work 3 jobs, but I’ll hire a tutor, write a thesis - I’ll help, since you can pay someone who will write. You ask about your personal life - when to do it, I have a child in my arms. And so in 10, 20, 30 years and beyond. So life passed - in constant care and anxiety, the joys of life, personal interests and needs are laid on the sacrificial altar, and in the bottom line - an adult child who will feel guilty all his life for the disorder and suffering of his mother. nine0159 • Workaholic. Ready to exploit yourself to infinity. I need to go on a business trip - to any place and even to the ends of the world, I don’t have time - I’ll stay after work, I can stay all night, I need to redo it - but at least 100 times. I make mistakes from fatigue - it's okay, I'll fix it. For years they do not raise salaries - the main thing is that they do not fire. Ask yourself - and suddenly they will refuse, they will be dissatisfied. I’d rather wait until they appreciate me, notice my efforts and offer me a promotion themselves. The family suffers, the children do not see the parent for days, there is no time or energy to pay attention to them - it doesn’t matter, I work, but I don’t chill. And time passes, children grow up, they need less and less parental care and attention, complete cooling and rejection sets in. So the pension came up, it's time to retire, but the workaholic never learned to rest and relax. In the balance suffering from loneliness, a misunderstood and unappreciated person. nine0159 • Victims of love. Ready to suffer and suffer, but endure existing relationships in anticipation of a miracle and even contrary to common sense. As they say, hope dies last, so the masochist is simply not able to realize the futility and unreality of his expectations that the loved one will change for the better, and even more so, the masochist does not have any moral strength to change or abandon the relationship that humiliates him.
• Self-deprecating, or so-called sub-humans with a slogan - I am pathetic, faceless, insignificant, not interesting, too fat or thin, too dumb or smart, I am not a woman or a man. All these are justifications for a failed life or professional realization. nine0159 Coexisting with a masochist is quite difficult. You will not expect open resistance from him, he will hide discontent and resentment indirectly, accumulating anger and aggression in himself. Sooner or later, they will manifest themselves in silence, avoidance of any contact, and even auto-aggression, i.e. a far-fetched or real illness of a psychosomatic nature. At the same time, the masochist will not ask for help, preferring that you yourself guess about his condition, but he will completely lay the blame for the untimely assistance provided on you. As a result, the masochist finds himself in the position of a good, unappreciated and misunderstood person, and his "offender" - a bad, indifferent and ungrateful person. The ability to manipulate another person is extremely developed among masochists, the number and variety of tricks to make their unsuspecting "tormentor" be lost in conjecture is truly enormous. Moreover, his passive aggression creates a certain discomfort for others, contributes to the formation of a sense of guilt and sometimes becomes simply unbearable. nine0003

Devoting himself to the service of others, the masochist internally expects the same dedication from them. He hopes that someone else's life will go in payment for his own spent on it. If there is no such return or it is insufficient, then the masochist is able to turn the life of his object of service into a real hell. And he does this with the help of the so-called passive punishment - a constant suffering facial expression, muffled sighs and groans, demonstrative silence, coldness, detachment from your problems, deprivation of sympathy, ignoring, etc. nine0003

Dooming himself to suffering and enthusiastically serving others, the masochist does not realize the full tragedy of his position, as well as those close to him. A wasted and practically unfulfilled own life, constant manipulative aggression and anger at others are the price of masochistic aspirations. Being in the world of his illusions, the masochist hopes for retribution for his suffering and deprivation, and even in this world.

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