Narcissistic symptoms in women
How Female Narcissists Differ From Males: Traits + Signs
Just as there aren't really innate differences between men's and women's personalities, there aren't exactly innate differences between male and female narcissists.
But men and women are socialized differently and thus are more likely to develop specific personality traits, and these differences can be seen between male and female narcissists as well.
"Although there are shared narcissistic traits between male and female narcissists, there are some differences in which their narcissism is exhibited," psychoanalyst Babita Spinelli, L.P., tells mbg.
When male narcissists are angry, they tend to be aggressive and explosive (especially malignant narcissists).
When female narcissists are angry, though, Spinelli says they'll punish their victims by withholding attention and affection.
"Female narcissists utilize neglect or guilt as a form of control," she says, "whereas male narcissists are more likely to utilize power and status as a form of control. "
Another way both male and female narcissists gain control and affection is through codependent people. The psychoanalytic term for this is a "narcissistic supply."
Male narcissists will generally get their supply from romantic partners, but a female narcissist's supply can come from her partner or her children. "The female narcissist sees her children as an extension of herself whereas the male narcissists do not lean in this direction," Spinelli says.
Summary
Male narcissists tend to be more aggressive when they're angry, whereas female narcissists will punish their victims by withholding attention. Furthermore, male narcissists utilize power as a form of control, while female narcissists utilize neglect as a form of control.
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1.
Martyrdom
The female narcissist can typically be seen as the martyr or the virtuous victim.
"Their pain is greater than anyone's pain, their efforts are bigger than anyone's efforts, their suffering is more extraordinary than anyone else's suffering," therapist Wendy Behary, LCSW, tells mbg.
This is often referred to as covert or vulnerable narcissism, where the person may not be as outwardly boastful but still possesses narcissistic traits.
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2.
Superficial
Like all narcissists, female narcissists are deeply insecure. In an attempt to mask their insecurities or flaws, female narcissists tend to be overly concerned with their physical appearance and social image—sometimes referred to as somatic narcissism.
"The female narcissist is not genuinely interested in things like character and values unless it is used as part of her image," Spinelli says.
Material items like clothes and cars can help validate their insecurities.
Some female narcissists will even place an emphasis on their children's image to help elevate their own, Behary says.
3.
Competitive and jealous
"A female narcissist will be fiercely competitive," Spinelli says. "She has the desire to be the smartest, prettiest, most successful, and charming woman in the room."
Similar to a conversational narcissist, Behary says female narcissists always circle conversations back to their own experiences.
If other women appear more interesting or "threatening," the female narcissist might use shaming tactics to exile them from the social group. They may do this to colleagues, friends, and even their own daughters, Spinelli says.
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4.
Overbearing parent or mother-in-law
An overbearing and over-controlling parent may be a sign of a female narcissist. According to Behary, these females will show up at their kid's house and start rearranging furniture, rewashing the clothes, or telling them how to discipline their kids.
This is because they believe they have a superior way of doing things and view themselves as experts in all situations, she explains.
Additionally, a narcissistic mother or mother-in-law will be "jealous" of her daughter or daughter-in-law, Spinelli says.
One of the biggest misconceptions is that female narcissists don't exist at all, likely because of the way men and women tend to be socialized and given different sets of expectations.
Men are diagnosed with NPD at much higher rates, but female narcissists do exist.
Another misconception is that female narcissists are not as violent or emotionally abusive as males. "Often their male victims may not speak up about it because of feelings of shame," Spinelli says. Similarly, some people believe female narcissists are nicer than male ones.
But while both genders can appear nice and helpful in front of others, they tend to abuse their victims behind closed doors. "Female narcissists are just as rageful, contemptuous, and bullying," she explains.
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While male narcissists might be more outwardly recognizable, female narcissists do exist. They tend to be more manipulative socially and can be just as vindictive as a male narcissist.
They tend to play the victim, be overly jealous and competitive, superficial, and overbearing.
RELATED: How To Spot Narcissistic Abuse: 15 Behaviors & Warning Signs
28 Female Narcissist Traits (How to deal with her manipulations)
Do you know a woman who is self-absorbed, often cruel, jealous, and critical?
She may be a narcissist.
Female narcissists are often overlooked.
Because they exhibit some of the same behaviors as typical teenage girls, female narcissists can go unnoticed and be passed off for simply being a “mean girl” — or a grown woman.
It’s often assumed that mean girls grow out of their bad behaviors, however, habits like gossiping, excluding other people, and sabotaging relationships can be more common among females with existing narcissistic traits.
Dominant females who are narcissists are almost as threatening as their male counterparts, but females have a certain protection through stereotypes such as “sweet young girl,” a “nurturing mother,” and the “kind little grandma.”
No one thinks the sweet older woman can be vindictive, menacing, and ruthless.
Nor do people expect mothers to be so self-centered that they are willing to abandon or abuse their own children.
The difference between a female and a male narcissist is that females tend to be in competition with other females for superiority, while male narcissists use their charm and appearance to meet their goals.
The truth is, female narcissists never “grow out” of their childhood behaviors.
Instead, they develop more effective aggressive behaviors in their adult years, using their manipulative traits to employ their selfish agendas and to exploit other people.
Sidebar: Are you in a relationship that is controlling and manipulative? If you want to learn how to break free, then check out my Emotional Abuse Breakthrough course.
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How to Deal With a Female Narcissist
Two types of Female Narcissists
Whether you are dealing with a vulnerable narcissist or the grandiose narcissist, you need to recognize where their behaviors are coming from, which is typically a sense of insecurity.
When you are face to face with a narcissist, don’t let yourself get off track.
You may lose your sense of purpose when a narcissist tries to take center stage.
But the truth is, you don’t need to pay attention to everything this person does, no matter what she is doing to gain your attention.
Try not to engage or allow yourself to be drawn into passive-aggressive manipulation or outright ugliness.
Try to keep your cool, recognizing that you won’t get far by trying to change this person or talk sense into her.
You may have to find a balance between moving forward with your goals and reducing the narcissist’s insecurities but still keeping your own well-being as your top priority.
If you are dealing with a grandiose narcissist, you may want to acknowledge her feelings but ultimately move on if you can.
This can be hard to do if the female narcissist is a member of your family, but you can create boundaries to help you maintain your dignity and emotional well-being. Just be warned — she may ignore your boundaries and do as she wishes.
Female Narcissists and Relationships
Studies have shown that both partners engage in more vicious behavior when the female in the couple is the narcissistic one.
Men tend to display more anger when they have to interact with a narcissistic partner, but the man’s level of narcissism has no correlation to these behaviors.
This suggests that narcissistic women are more hostile in relationships, which in turn causes their partners to exhibit more hostile and angry behaviors as well during an interaction.
This sets up a pattern of emotionally abusive behaviors that will inevitably destroy the trust and happiness in the relationship.
Let’s review the traits of female narcissists so you can know for sure.
27 Glaring Traits Of A Female Narcissist.
1. The narcissist feels pleasure from other’s pain.
Female narcissists gain pleasure and joy when they bring other people down. She often makes jabs at people to simply hurt them or make them feel inferior.
She has no empathy when people are talking about serious things or emotions.
She also chooses to only provide shallow responses or voices cruel reprimands to invalidate other people’s feelings.
2. A woman narcissist quickly goes from love to hate.
She has a strong ability to first glorify, then devalue and dump her victims without thinking twice.
Once she gets what she needs out of a relationship, she is done with it.
Because she is unable to have healthy and fulfilling relationships of her own, she finds it fun to sabotage the relationships of others for her own personal entertainment.
3. The narcissist is extremely competitive with her friends.
In her group of female friends, the narcissist figures out who is a threat and who is just following along with the rest of the group.
Those who threaten the narcissist through their success, appearance, personality, status, or all of the above are targeted for removal, while the obedient people can be kept around until they can no longer benefit the narcissist in any way.
4. The female narcissist pits her friends against each other.
In order to feel superior to the people in her life, the narcissist will pit her friends against each other by saying that they are gossiping about each other when the truth is that her own fabrications are creating tension or conflict within the group.
5. A female narcissist is overly concerned with her appearance.
Female narcissists may be conventionally attractive, but regardless, they use their sexuality to help them get what they want.
Female narcissists put a heavy focus on their physical appearance, and often overestimate their attractiveness and display or flaunt their physical attributes.
Because females in today’s society are socialized to objectify themselves, a narcissistic woman uses this social norm to try to assert her power.
6. She is materialistic.
While males are more likely to be focused on making money, female narcissists enjoy spending it.
She usually enjoys treating herself with the most expensive designer clothes, revels in luxuries at the expense of her loved ones, or allows herself be spoiled by a wealthy significant other for whom she hardly has feelings.
Her outward image is more important than her inner reality.
Female narcissists may also build their own wealth and use it as evidence of superiority.
7. A female narcissist disregards boundaries.
Female narcissists tend to have a group of admirers, such as exes that stay in the picture or even admirers who tend to lurk in the background.
She will use these people to disregard the boundaries of her relationships and try to make other people jealous.
She often creates love triangles and loves the drama of the conflict and the excessive male attention.
You may ask her to respect your feelings, time, money, or material things, but she will find a way to thwart your boundaries and make you feel bad about setting them.
8. A narcissist expects favorable treatment.
Not only does she seek favorable treatment, but she expects it.
She also believes that people should automatically comply with her.
She assumes that she is special and therefore deserves fame, wealth, success, and satisfaction, even if that results in a cost to others.
9. Female narcissists are often jealous.
She is often envious, even though she appears to be very confident.
She looks for opportunities to undercut other people, and often buddies up to a friend to discuss how the two of them are superior to others in some way.
10. She thinks everyone is jealous of her.
While she feels jealousy on the inside, she also truly believes that other people are jealous of her, and she uses this excuse to explain her lack of close, intimate friendships.
If her friends are experiencing accomplishments of their own, she will find a way to downplay their achievements.
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11. The narcissist places blame.
Female narcissists blame other people for their problems.
They believe they could never make a mistake, so anything that goes wrong must be the fault of someone else.
They never feel ashamed because they believe they can do no wrong.
12. A female narcissist often appears unstable.
Female narcissists typically engage in risky behaviors, have addictive personalities, and are prone to becoming aggressive if and when they are rejected by others.
They are often either very happy or very upset without much of a middle ground, which leads others to think they are unstable.
13. She is overly sensitive to perceived slights.
If she thinks that someone is doubting her or speaking negatively of her, she is quick to react and fight back.
This often happens in a manner that is out of proportion to whatever she thinks someone is saying about her.
She will make a huge mountain out of a molehill.
14. The narcissist will never apologize.
Female narcissists believe they can do no wrong, so they are never in a position to offer an apology to someone.
If she does do something wrong, she is quick to blame it on someone else rather than taking responsibility.
15. She has an exaggerated sense of self-importance.
Two of the most noticeable signs of female narcissists include their feelings of entitlement and their belief they are more important than the people around them.
They will brag about their accomplishments and fish for compliments from other people.
16. A woman narcissist lacks common courtesy.
A narcissistic woman does not exhibit the socially normal behaviors of courtesy to other people.
She firmly believes that she exists in order to make the world complete, and therefore she sees no reason to acknowledge the needs of others.
Her mere presence is a gift to those around her.
17. The narcissist “punishes” her partner.
When she is in a romantic relationship, female narcissists typically disengage from their partner when they feel like they have been mistreated.
She may use neglect and abandonment to make her partner feel punished. She may also punish her partner by refusing sex.
18. A female narcissist lacks empathy.
She is unwilling to try to understand what other people are feeling and has no remorse for making someone feel inferior in any way.
She never attempts to put herself in another person’s shoes to empathize or understand their point of view because her perspective is the only one that matters.
19. The female narcissist loves to talk about herself.
A narcissistic woman’s favorite topic to discuss is herself. She will often jump into conversations and turn them around to her in some way so she has everyone’s attention.
She is active on social media and tries to gain as many friends or followers as she can.
She relishes in self-promotion and frequently posts selfies while looking picture-perfect.
But never make a negative or amusing comment at this woman’s expense on social media. Her retribution is fierce.
21. A narcissist takes more than they gives.
The friend or lover who once showered you with her love and attention has made a sharp turn and is now a constant taker.
She thinks she deserves everything and could care less if you have nothing. If you complain too much, you’ll find yourself quickly pushed aside.
22. The female narcissist is a drama queen.
Her behavior is unpredictable and her reactions are often excessive.
An angry narcissist is able to continuously shock people with her rage and punishing ways towards other people.
She loves to stir the pot and watch other people scramble or react to her dramatic outbursts or behaviors.
23. She is a control freak.
People tend to overuse the word “controlling” when referring to a partner, but once you are in a relationship with a narcissist, “control” takes on a whole new meaning.
A narcissistic woman will not back down until your formerly loud voice is a quiet whimper. It’s her way or the highway.
24. The narcissist loves to manipulate.
Manipulation is fun for narcissists, and female narcissists are masters at using passive-aggressive behaviors to confuse or hurt you.
You may get the silent treatment, be blocked on social media, your texts will go unanswered, or she will leave the house for extended periods of time, all to force you to do what she wants.
25. She is unfaithful in relationships.
She is an unfaithful partner, typically without remorse, and uses gaslighting and deceit directed at her partner.
However, her partner will usually spoil her and is unaware of her extreme disloyalty.
26. A female narcissist is exhausting to be around.
Between her constant demands and her not-so-subtle jabs, being around her is exhausting.
Trying to keep her happy while walking on eggshells in order to not set her off eventually just seems like a draining, neverending chore.
27. The narcissist thinks you are the one with the problem.
She certainly doesn’t realize that she is a narcissist, but if she were to read the traits listed above, she would think that you fit the bill.
The problem is never with her. It’s always with you.
28. She uses guilt trips and shaming to manipulate others.
A narcissistic woman has many tools in her manipulation toolbox, but the two she employs often are guilt-tripping and shaming.
If she wants you to do something and can’t get it by asking, she’ll try to make you feel bad. She’ll pull out all the stops with a sob story, so your guilty conscience compels you to do her bidding.
But if that doesn’t work, she’ll shame you into taking action, so you feel like a low-life. She might say, “How could you be so uncaring when you know this is important to me?” or “So you don’t really mean it when you say you love me.”
Why Are Female Narcissists So Cruel?
Cruelty can result from a female narcissist’s dissociation from the situation at hand.
This usually comes out when the narcissist is handling a lot of stress, like when they are engaged in an argument with their partner.
They dissociate from any of the positive feelings that they have toward their partner while they experience the negative feelings.
This is black-or-white thinking because the narcissist views her partner as being either all good or all bad.
She becomes like a toddler having a tantrum, unable to see or feel anything except the tremendous anger or frustration she’s experiencing.
Do you think you might have a woman in your life who is a narcissist?
Final Thoughts
When a female in your life has these narcissistic traits, she will negatively impact your self-esteem, mental health, and overall well-being.
It may be time to reevaluate her role in your life and cut back on the amount of time you spend with her.
If you are in a relationship with this person, it may be difficult to get out since she needs to be the one to leave, but in order to have a better life for yourself, you need to start taking steps to cut ties.
7 Signs of a Narcissist Woman | PSYCHOLOGIES
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Knowing Yourself A Human Among Humans
Incredible ego and self-satisfaction are traits we attribute to people with narcissistic personality disorder. These character traits are inherent in both women and men. Of course, there are studies that men are more likely to be affected by this mental disorder. Are men really more likely to become narcissists, or are women just better at hiding their unpleasant features, trying to make the most of those qualities that help them achieve their goals? And by what signs can a narcissist be recognized?
1.
She reduces any conversation to herself Talking about herself is normal. We all sometimes tell stories from our lives, illustrate with examples of the situation. But a narcissist woman in any conversation will turn her attention to herself, her feelings and experiences. Ask yourself when was the last time she asked you something about you and your life. If the answer is “never” or “yesterday, but a minute later she started talking about herself again,” most likely you have a narcissist.
2. She constantly cancels your joint plans
If you have a girlfriend who is pathologically incapable of making arrangements, it is likely that this is a sign of narcissism. She may even briefly ask for forgiveness, but all her actions show that she does not care how much her cancellation of plans has affected your life. She will not ask how you spent the evening, which you were going to spend with her before. She is only interested in her freedom to do what she wants, when she wants, and with whom she wants, regardless of the reactions of other people.
3. She becomes furious at the word "no"
This is one of the easiest ways. The next time she asks you for something, say no and see how she reacts. You can even not refuse right away, but say that you need time to think. Narcissists hate these situations - they literally feel that the other person thus gains some kind of power over their lives. They cannot bear it - their eyes are filled with rage and they will try their best to convince you to give an answer right now. And, of course, it must be a positive answer. If you manage to refuse the request, most likely, you will turn into an enemy - until the moment when he needs something from you again.
4. She flirts with people she doesn't like
Flirting is fun and carefree. But for the narcissist, this is not entertainment and not a manifestation of sympathy - this is the means by which she gets her way. Such a woman often directs her sexual energy to men who she does not like at all, but can be useful.
These personalities are sure that there is no one better than them in the world and no one can resist their charm.
For the narcissist, the other person or force majeure will always be at fault
5. She has a low opinion of others
Such a woman is convinced that she is at the top of the social pyramid, whatever her actual position, and all other people fall short of her level. This becomes noticeable when she talks about other people, their achievements and lifestyle.
Is there a woman in your environment who calls everyone around her “idiots” and harshly criticizes the behavior and moral character of her friends (and especially girlfriends)? A woman who constantly questions the intelligence of others, but never doubts her own righteousness? This is classic narcissist behavior. We all sometimes speak unflatteringly about the actions of our friends, but at the same time we do not consider them stupid and worthless people.
And, unlike such people, we can admit our own mistakes. This leads to the next point.
6. She will never admit her guilt
Being late for a meeting, she will not apologize for it. She will tell you in colors that traffic jams, taxi drivers or your confusing explanations about where she needed to go are to blame for everything. In the worldview of such a person, there is no option in which he can be the cause of some kind of problem or mistake - another person or force majeure circumstances will always be to blame.
7. She takes selfies all the time
We all do it from time to time or even more often than we should. But if on a woman’s phone or Instagram (an extremist organization banned in Russia) all the photos are devoted exclusively to different angles of her face or other parts of the body, this most likely indicates narcissism. You won't see photos of family, friends, kids, pets, or a beautiful evening sky. If you see, then all of them will be the background for her person.
Text: Polina Franke Photo credit: Getty Images
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How to recognize a narcissist woman and how to deal with her in a relationship
Dealing with a person who does not notice anyone and nothing is not easy. A narcissistic woman loves herself very much and is able to ruin the lives of those who live nearby.
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Narcissistic women lack sensitivity and the ability to empathize with others. They are confident in their superiority and cannot cope with even the slightest criticism addressed to them. Relationships with such women can cause psychological trauma. What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Narcissists find it difficult to form and maintain connections with others due to their manipulative behavior and lack of empathy. Often they consider themselves more important than others, and at the same time they lack compassion.
A narcissistic woman in a relationship can undermine the partner's self-esteem and self-confidence. Not every man will tolerate coldness in a relationship, and the selfish behavior of a girlfriend.
Signs by which you can recognize a narcissistic woman
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1. She refuses to accept interpersonal boundaries
The narcissistic woman does not recognize boundaries in any relationship.
She demands respect for herself, while completely disrespecting her partner's need for personal space. She likes to baffle, often cross the moral line. She will find a way to break your boundaries and make you feel bad about even setting them at all.
2. She enjoys the pain of others
She suffers from low self-esteem and tries to put others down to feel better. She makes snide remarks and overly criticizes you to make you feel worse. Even when you share your achievement with her, she dismisses it as unimportant.
3. She is trying to destroy your other relationships
The narcissist would like to keep you under her control at all costs, and therefore she tries to break off the relationship between you and your loved ones. She does this by spreading rumors about you and interfering in your relationship, causing misunderstanding between you and your loved ones.
4. She only talks about herself
Talking a lot about herself is what a narcissistic woman likes to do.
She will exaggerate her achievements and create a grand but false image of herself. She will convince you that she is very desirable for you to admire.
5. She makes herself a victim
For a narcissistic woman, her difficulties in life are more important than anyone else's. She may not talk about her problems, but when you try to share yours, the female narcissist will turn her attention to herself and accuse you of being callous.
6. She blames others for her mistakes
A narcissistic woman believes that she never makes mistakes, so when something goes wrong, she immediately looks for the culprit. She will never admit her mistake. She is never ashamed because she believes that she cannot do anything wrong.
7. She does not tolerate neglect
A narcissist woman considers herself special and therefore deserves fame, wealth, success and satisfaction, even if it costs others dearly.
If a narcissistic woman ever notices that you are criticizing her or speaking badly about her, she will overreact and make you feel guilty.
Narcissists want their partners to idealize them even during sex, regardless of their behavior in bed.
8. She doesn't care about your feelings
Lack of empathy is a hallmark of narcissistic people. Caring for you is not easy for them. You may have a fever, but a narcissist will complain that you got sick the day she wants to spend time with you. She makes you do what she wants.
9. She oscillates between idealization and devaluation
In the early days, a narcissistic woman will surround you with love so that you get used to her caress and attention. As soon as she feels that you have become dependent on her, she will quickly pull the carpet from under your feet. She likes to play with emotions, idealizing and devaluing you.
10. She is materialistic
Appearance and public image are extremely important for a narcissistic woman, so her love is also associated only with material goods.
Once the benefits wear off, so will her feelings. She does not get involved with someone who has nothing to offer her.
11. She thinks everyone is jealous of her
It is difficult for a narcissistic woman to maintain long-term friendships because she thinks everyone is jealous of her. Because she considers herself superior to others, she refrains from acknowledging other people's accomplishments over her own, which often harms her relationships.
12. She punishes her partner by denying him sex
If a narcissistic woman feels you have let her down, she will find ways to punish you. Silence or not having sex is her way of making sure you never try to make her feel inferior.
How to deal with a narcissistic woman
Accept the fact that you are living with a narcissist
You must accept the fact that the woman you are living with is a narcissist. She may be sweet and loving at first, but her attitude changes when you make a mistake.
It may seem to you that your shortcomings provoke her rude behavior, but in fact she is a narcissist, and nothing you do will change this in her attitude.
Set clear boundaries
Once you know how your narcissistic partner behaves, set firm and clear boundaries. This is necessary to protect yourself, as well as to save your relationship.
Don't be manipulated
Her manipulation tactics can get you to do what she wants. However, don't be manipulated. Believe in yourself and don't let your confidence fade away. Don't let her remarks hurt you deeply.
Don't criticize her
She's not the type to take criticism easily, so try to avoid judgment as much as possible. Instead, frame your words in such a way that it does not look like a rebuke, but rather like a suggestion that will do her some good.
Speak up when necessary
There are times when she oversteps the mark, you don't need to be silent.
Let her know how her actions affect you and that you will not tolerate certain behaviors in the relationship. Don't let her feel superior to you.
Remember it's not your fault
There will be times when she will blame you for her misfortunes, but don't lose sight of the fact that you probably shouldn't be blamed. Don't accept any blame if you didn't do anything wrong. Don't let her negative attitude affect you in any way.
Create distance between you
When you feel her narcissistic tendencies overwhelm you, don't hesitate to move away from her. Take a break and spend some time away from her to focus on yourself.
Avoid reacting
Whenever your narcissistic partner tries to accuse you of something, try not to react to her. Count up to six in your mind. It's a great self-control tool when the going gets tough. If she doesn't get any response from you, she will eventually give up.
Don't isolate yourself from friends and family
Being in a difficult relationship can affect how you communicate with other loved ones.
