How to stop hating life

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How to stop hating your body

December 23, 2020One on OneLife

The true causes of the problem are not overweight or a stooped back. Everything is much more complicated.



This article is part of the One on One project. In it, we talk about relationships with ourselves and others. If the topic is close to you, share your story or opinion in the comments. Will wait!

Where does hatred for one's body come from

Polls Poll Lady Mail.Ru: men work more on appearance than women, 70% of women and 63% of men in Russia are ashamed of their appearance. This dissatisfaction can be of varying degrees. Someone generally likes himself, but in moments of sadness he would not refuse to have a smaller nose and longer legs. And someone comes to despair every time he looks in the mirror, refuses to be photographed and is subject to constant panic because of the discrepancy between his appearance and ideals.

An extreme degree of hatred of one's body is called body dysmorphia. This is a dangerous mental disorder that interferes with leading a fulfilling life and is associated with a high risk of suicide. About 80% of people with body dysmorphic disorder admit Suicidality in Body Dysmorphic Disorder that they have had suicidal thoughts. A quarter of them tried to die.

It can be assumed that the media are to blame for everything, which broadcast the constantly changing standards of beauty too actively and categorically. This is true, but only in part. Psychologists agree that hatred of the body is, in a sense, self-hatred. Conflict with self-image always indicates traumatic relationships with significant people, such as parents.

When a child is born, he has no ideas about himself and his appearance. He begins to perceive it through his parents, depending on what they broadcast to him.

Kristina Kostikova


A number of circumstances can lead to a negative perception of the body.

Unhealthy situation in the family

Illustration: Anna Guridova / Lifehacker

The child sees and feels the atmosphere at home. If the relationship is tense, but the reason is not explained to him or he is blamed, then self-confidence and self-love are destroyed. Inevitably, self-esteem, a healthy perception of oneself, also suffers.

Violent attempts to improve the appearance of the child

Relations with the body are also affected by tactless comments from parents or comparison of the child's appearance with someone else's. In harmless, in their opinion, advice to lose weight or pump up is hidden reproach and rejection. They are perceived by the addressee as their own inferiority and give rise in him not to the desire to change, but to anger and dislike for himself.

Lack of emotional support when growing up

Anger is an emotion that everyone experiences. If the expression of this feeling was forbidden in the family, the parents suppressed the aggression of the child, and did not try to understand and help him, then he will direct the anger at himself and his body.

The reason for this aggression is not in the person himself, but somewhere outside, but it is impossible to express it there. And there is an illusion that you are your own enemy and you need to fight with yourself. While it is important to analyze your feelings and find their true reason, and then learn to recognize them and express them appropriately.

Kristina Kostikova

Parents' attitude to their body

It is important how adults perceive their body: how much they take care of it, how they take care of it. If a child sees the parent's dissatisfaction with his appearance, then he himself begins to look for flaws in himself - and finds it.

How to change your attitude to the body

Face the problem

Body-hatred usually looms in the background, because there are so many mirrored surfaces, advertising posters and other triggers that make you remember your own imperfection. As a result, a person gets so used to such thoughts that he does not even realize how much time and effort he spends on self-flagellation.

To learn how to live in your body, first of all you need to see what exactly prevents you from doing this. Each person will have their own unique reasons. It is important to find them and study them in detail.

Kristina Kostikova

A bad attitude towards yourself is not a sentence. Learn to analyze your emotions and feelings, find their true causes and ways for environmentally friendly expression, and not suppress them. It is important to think about why this hatred, what you are really unhappy with. You may think that you hate your body, when in truth you need attention, love, warmth and acceptance.

Keep in mind: when it comes to body dysmorphic disorder, it should be diagnosed and treated by a specialist. The main way to cope with the problem is antidepressants prescribed by a psychotherapist.

Treat your body with gratitude

It is the body that connects a person with the outside world. If he doesn't exist, you won't either. Psychologist Natalya Kuznetsova advises to remember this and write down at least 10 points, for which you are grateful to your physical shell. It can be simple things like being able to eat, sleep, walk, swim, enjoy sunbathing.

Try not to reject the body, but treat it like your own home, for which you can do something good, not destructive. Remember that you are the master of your body and it is up to you to decide how to take care of it, how to change and improve it. Criticism narrows horizons, and gratitude, on the contrary, allows us to take a broader look at the world around.

Natalya Kuznetsova

family psychologist

Get in touch with the body

You perceive the body as your enemy, but it is your friend and ally. But now you have lost contact with him. Try to listen to yourself several times a day to understand how you feel, what you feel, what your body needs, what you think. At the first stages, you can do it literally on an alarm clock. This simple exercise will help you build the habit of hearing yourself and connecting with your body.

Start an affair with yourself

Illustration: Anna Guridova / Lifehacker

Treat yourself the way you would treat your lover. Compliment yourself, praise yourself, refuse comparisons with others. Actively take care of your body: take care of your health, adjust your diet, get enough sleep, rest. Stop hanging out with toxic people who criticize and devalue. No matter how close they are, communication with them only hurts.

In the end, the habit of a good attitude towards oneself will be formed. However, this will require active practice for at least three months.

This requires moral effort, which is sometimes nowhere to be found. Therefore, the support of the environment is very important here. There must be people around who are capable of empathy, who will cheer you up during the transformation. If there are no such people, a psychologist will help.

Natalya Koroteeva


Think about how to improve your life

People who hate their body often think that if their appearance were different, then existence would be different. If the biceps were bigger, and the waist was narrower, then you wouldn’t have to work at a boring job and everything would work out in your personal life. But this is an illusion. To change your life, you need to change it.

Read also 🧐

  • 5 “shortcomings” of appearance that you don’t have to hide
  • 10 subtle signs that you don’t love yourself
  • What to do if you think you are stupid
  • 10 things for which you should praise yourself. Try it right now!
  • 8 reasons to cultivate healthy egoism in yourself

How to stop hating yourself and people around and why this happens

Self-hatred and hatred of other people are interconnected: the second is due to the first.

The thought that I hate myself is more destructive than any other. Expressed self-hatred is an internal conflict with oneself that affects all areas of life and leads to problems everywhere.

Then the perception is focused only on one's own weaknesses, mistakes and shortcomings, the self-image cannot be more negative. Self-hatred, as the strongest expression of self-denial, is fraught with great danger to physical and mental health. Such people often fall into a downward spiral of their own thoughts and negative emotions, which further reinforces this feeling. Fortunately, there are ways to get rid of it.

What does it mean to hate yourself? This goes far beyond the pure self-doubt that can often be associated with it, but it can hardly be compared to true self-contempt.

Even if this statement is completely correct in terms of content, it hardly gives an idea of ​​the consequences of self-hatred for those who suffer from it. The one who hates himself lives every second with painful thoughts and feelings that he himself is bad and is to blame for everything that happens to him.

The thought "I don't deserve better" makes things worse. Especially unpleasant: you can’t just avoid self-hatred. Problems with other people can be solved by discussion - or contact with them is stopped, as far as possible. Not an option if you hate yourself.

So, self-hatred means a daily struggle in all spheres of life. Regardless of who a person is and what their merits are, rejection of everything that has been achieved is a constant companion and affects every thought, every feeling and every decision.

How to stop hating yourself?

What are the causes of self-hatred

No person is born with self-hatred, and it does not arise on its own or completely without a cause or trigger. It can almost always be found during childhood. It is known that the experience gained there is formative for life and has a great influence on the development of the individual. Unfortunately, this is not always positive, because the younger years can also set the stage for a lot of self-hatred.

Childhood triggers can be very different. First of all, of course, parents and family influence, but also kindergarten teachers and a circle of friends bear a great responsibility. If a child is taught that he is not good enough, that he cannot live up to expectations, or that he constantly makes mistakes, he will eventually move into this way of thinking and attitude.

At first, doubts arise and self-confidence suffers. If positive impulses are absent in the long run and the image is further strengthened, then self-loathing arises.

In addition, bullying, lack of social contact and isolation, as well as physical and emotional abuse, are possible causes of self-hatred. But self-hatred can also arise on the physical level, if, for example, the ideals of beauty cannot be observed

Symptoms and signs of hatred

Self-hatred does not necessarily manifest itself through obvious symptoms. If a person does feel self-hatred, they understand the problem, but more often, a disturbed relationship with oneself manifests itself through various other signs and symptoms. It is necessary to interpret them correctly in order to deal with destructive emotion in the next stage.

Pay special attention to the following symptoms:

  • Lack of self-confidence

If a person hates himself, he cannot have confidence. He does not trust himself, he is convinced that he will lose in everything and that he is fundamentally inferior to everyone else.

  • Strong feeling of guilt

Unpleasant and bad things happen to everyone. Self-hatred manifests itself in blaming everything exclusively on oneself. This refers to one's own mistakes, decisions, behavior or character traits - but also manifests itself when a person has absolutely no control over something and therefore cannot do anything about it.

Self-hatred is regularly accompanied by various fears, which often arise only because of one's own rejection. For example, a person is afraid of any changes. Also typical is the fear of not being good enough or not living up to expectations.

  • Negative thoughts

In the worst case, self-hatred can lead to severe depression. All one's own thinking is determined only by rejection and contempt for one's own personality.

Self-destructive behavior

One particularly serious and dangerous sign of self-hatred is self-destruction. At the same time, aggression develops, which is directed against one's own body.

This can manifest as self-inflicted trauma, anorexia or bulimia. In addition to physical self-harm, it can also take other forms, such as self-sabotage or excessive self-criticism to hurt yourself emotionally.

It is also possible that such behavior becomes visible due to the search for particularly high risk. Behind self-destructive behavior is the destructive thought that you need to punish yourself or deserve good things.

Here's how to overcome self-hatred

If you experience intense self-hatred, especially if you have hurt yourself, it is strongly recommended that you seek professional help from a doctor. In this way, a psychological therapy can be developed that helps overcome self-hatred in the long term and replace it with more positive emotions towards oneself.

But you can do something on your own to avoid this condition and learn to appreciate yourself again and maybe even develop self-love.

Find the causes of self-hate

The first step should always be to look more closely at where self-hate really comes from. In other words: what causes negative emotions and rejection in yourself? It may have something to do with behavior, characteristics, or appearance. Often it is also a combination of different factors.

Understanding these points can be painful, but it is important and necessary to identify the source of the problem and thus overcome self-hatred.

Recognize your strengths

If a person suffers from self-hatred, this is likely to be a completely new experience for him. Take a piece of paper and write down everything you are good at or good at.

Start with what you can think of and add new items to the list after talking with friends or family. What do others see as your strengths? What are they even jealous of?

In this way it is possible to restore lost confidence and show that there are good reasons to respect and value yourself.

Surround yourself with the right people

Unfortunately, self-hatred is often socially encouraged, as those around you make you feel like you're not good enough, can't keep up, or simply isn't part of the "man pack." A fresh start can help here, when the person clearly distances himself from the people around him who harm him.

Instead, stay with real friends who are supportive and make you feel good. Banishing negative people from your life is often difficult, but it can be very helpful in developing a new self-image.

Do something nice for yourself

Self-hatred makes everyone believe that the negativity in life is their fault and that they don't deserve the good. However, this is just self-deception, and you need to learn to take a caring attitude again. Instead of trying to hurt yourself and punish yourself, you need to reward yourself and do something good. Treat yourself to something that makes you happy or gives you pleasure.

This also shows that it is up to the individual to evoke positive emotions. Thus, one does not have to constantly rely on the fulfillment of the expectations of others in order to be happy.

Accept yourself

Whether you can overcome self-hatred depends on your ability to accept yourself again. This means: you need to understand that you do not need to hate yourself. Neither appearance, nor flaws, nor qualities are a reason not to love yourself. All this makes each person who he is and what he is.

As soon as you manage to accept yourself, hatred for yourself and, as a result, for the people around you will subside and leave. However, it is a mistake to expect it to be fast or easy. Self-hatred is a distorted perception learned over the years. Accordingly, it will take some time before new behaviors and a more positive way of thinking can be developed.

Only those who experience more positive emotions than negative ones are happy. This is a universal rule of the hedonistic nature of human existence. This article looks at how to get rid of hatred, a strong and often irrational feeling. Those who suffer from it lose the ability to listen to the arguments of reason and completely surrender themselves to selfishness.

How to stop hating yourself?

It is impossible to find a person who has never felt rejected by himself. This pain eats from the inside and interferes with work, study and personal life. You can get rid of it using these tips:

  • Take a pen and a piece of paper and write down in two columns a list of your negative and positive qualities;
  • Do not torture yourself with senseless criticism. Instead, focus on developing your strengths;
  • Do not neglect the care of your physical condition. The ancient Greeks said: "A healthy mind in a healthy body." This formula is still not outdated;
  • Get more pleasure: vacation at sea, listening to beautiful music, going to the cinema, etc.;
  • Do not put yourself in a strong dependence on the team. If friends hurt, then they are not friends. Do not waste precious time of your life communicating with unpleasant personalities;
  • Raise your cultural level. It has been scientifically proven that well-read and educated people are much less likely to suffer from meaningless experiences.

Misanthropy: what is it?

In most cases, a person is perfectly aware of the reasons for hatred. If a person experiences an unconscious negative towards people, then we are talking about a serious psychological illness - misanthropy .

Among the signs of such a condition:

  • Unpleasant sensations from being with someone in a closed space (for example, an elevator). It seems to the misanthrope that the rest do nothing but stare at him;
  • The habit of walking fast. Lonely and unsociable individuals are not accustomed to adapting to someone else's rhythm of walking;
  • Trying to sit next to a seat on public transport is considered a violation of privacy;
  • Feeling happy when a meeting or social event is canceled: an extra exit into society brings only negative emotions;
  • With the advent of high-tech means of communication, misanthropes find an outlet in Internet communication. Often they are registered on social networks under false names so that no one from their real environment can figure them out;
  • The habit of focusing on the negative qualities of other people.

How to stop hating your husband?

The popular French writer Frederic Beigbeder wrote that love lives for three years. After many years of marriage, the spouses begin to be weary of each other and even feel hatred .

It is difficult to get out of this situation, but it is possible:

  • Put your thoughts in order and try to sort out your feelings. Sometimes a spouse still has tender feelings for her husband, but chronic stress at work unsettles her;
  • Imagine your lonely existence. If the very thought of the departure of a loved one hurts, it is worth protecting your love;
  • Do not accumulate resentment. Any person can stumble and commit a bad deed. Close people are no exception;
  • Think about the positive character traits of your husband. Over the long years of marriage, we stop noticing the virtues and concentrate on the shortcomings;
  • Start a heart-to-heart conversation with your spouse. You need to give your man the opportunity to admit his guilt and talk about his claims;
  • Avoid emotional and hasty actions. Longstanding relationships can be destroyed in an instant.

Causes of negative emotion

Scientists identify several main causes of hatred:

  • Boycott by the team. The psyche of the outcast is severely deformed, and he begins to experience a serious social phobia;
  • Consequences of a hard rhythm of life and fierce competition. The struggle for the best job, sweetheart, etc. can turn into a blind rage towards the enemy;
  • Inability to look at oneself from the outside and unshakable self-confidence, turning into pride;
  • On the contrary, extreme self-doubt. The weak seeks to close themselves from others due to unmotivated fear;
  • Exposure to stereotypes and prejudices prevailing in society. More recently, crimes against members of another race were common even in developed countries;
  • Sometimes rational grounds for hatred do exist. For example, the feelings of the victim of a crime in relation to his tormentor. But even in this case, should not be torn apart by the emotions of .

How to make people stop hating you?

There are those who have the ability to win over people by nature. But for many people, conflicts in society are a fairly common thing.

Psychologists offer the following ways to solve this problem:

  • Show genuine attention to others. When communicating with others, it is worth somewhat reducing your own ego and showing more interest in other people's opinions;
  • During a conversation, you do not need to keep a sour face. You need to smile more often - and you can count on a smile in return;
  • Do not call anyone by their last name or nickname. The name is the most pleasant thing that the interlocutor can hear in his address;
  • Never interrupt. The ability to listen to another point of view is perhaps the main quality of civilized communication;
  • Carry on a conversation only on topics that both interlocutors understand. You can’t start a tirade about the ups and downs of the English Football Championship if the counterpart has no idea about this topic.
  • Show signs of respect to other people in every possible way. Anyone will be happy with a grateful attitude and will repay a hundredfold for it.

Even the best and most expensive psychologist cannot suggest a universal remedy for getting rid of hatred. Some people suffer from misanthropy, harming both themselves and others. Others suffer from misunderstanding on the part of society, and reciprocate it. But most often the reason is a simple misunderstanding and reticence between people.

Video advice: how to stop being angry

In this video, psychologist Dmitry Moskovin will give advice on how to stop hating everyone and experiencing anger:

“You insensitive egoist,” my mother screamed at me. “You only think of yourself, you irresponsible!” You sleep during the day, but at night it is not clear what you are doing. Why do you look at everyone like you hate everyone? How long will it last? How will you continue to live? Constantly like a sleepy fly!

Can you even smile at least once, ask your relatives how you are doing? Why do you have to constantly pull everything out with ticks? Never ask anything and never say anything about yourself. How can you live like this? What's on your mind? What are you thinking about? You have to think about life, do something, get involved in something, be interested in something. Who will marry you like that if you are absolutely joyless and lifeless?!”

These mother's words cause a lump in my throat, and then I suppress it and say to myself: “So be it. Yes, it is, I am lifeless, as if empty inside. BUT, for God's sake, is it really my fault? What should I do with myself so that everyone will be satisfied with me and finally leave me alone? How much can I wag my nerves with constant claims? It’s not like that, it’s not like that, I didn’t smile here, I didn’t hug me here, here I’m an egoist, there I’m a loner psycho - I don’t communicate with anyone. And how to communicate if I already hate you all? I hate myself, and the whole world is already so tired!

Hatred behind glass

That's why I just sleep - and the longer, the more I want to sleep. I wake up only when it's dark and quiet - it's so good then! All people are so nice while they sleep. The beauty!

At night one wonders how these cute little fragile creatures can infuriate and infuriate so much. Why do I hate people so much, what should I do about it? Can't say I'm a monster. But often it covers so much that if you don’t turn off by an effort of will, it seems that it will break from tension.

Such states visited me quite recently - only six months ago. I hated almost all people and felt it almost every day. And she couldn't help herself. I could not communicate with people - everything they said seemed to me petty and unnecessary. Unnecessary emotions and a lot of stupid and unnecessary words.

Now I understand that I looked at people as something extraneous. And nothing just could give me the opportunity to see people differently. There was only a "glass wall" that separated me from the world. And the need to live in society made me hate other people.

What to do to stop hating

You can only accept the world as yourself. To feel the pain of another - as your own, the desires of other people - as your own. Acquaintance with the System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan finally gave me an answer to the questions “why do I hate people so much, why do I get so much irritation and what should I do with all this.”

I thought I was a little crazy. Mom was right - I am an unsociable, secretive and taciturn person. It's hard for me to show emotions. Often I thought that I was born in vain, something made me not adapted to this deafening world. And I hated everything in response. But it turned out that, firstly, I was not the only one. And secondly, that such a character was created by nature for the ideal solution of the problems of the survival of all mankind. It turned out that I do not live by myself, but only among other people.

It was a wonderful feeling of release to realize that I am normal and that I was born for a reason. That this world and all mankind needs me, even if most people do not know this.

Oddly enough, this realization relieved the tension in my soul. As if you emerge from a great depth after a long dive. It was probably the first time a sincere smile appeared on my face. The smile is not forced, not forced, but such as one smiles at a warm sunbeam that warms the face.

I stopped hating people. I even understood and forgave my mother: her reproaches and cries. Because I realized what anxiety and pain she experienced, seeing my eternally exhausted state. Realizing the fear she felt brought tears to my eyes.

Understand other people and stop hating

Today I try to understand every person I meet. What he lives, what drives him, what he wants, what he thinks about. Surprisingly, I solve people as the most interesting mystery in life. From the recognition of their natural properties, an involuntary smile on the face. They are all interesting to me, some admire their volume, others want to help. I want to do something for them.

And, interestingly, no one else can offend or humiliate me. After all, now I understand what tormented me only 6 months ago. If a person instead of a smile wants to throw out all the accumulated pain, humiliation, bitterness of failure, then I see what he lacks. Now I understand any dissatisfied person very well and have completely ceased to hate anyone. There is no desire to fence off people. People evoke sympathy, pity and a desire to help. And it turns out that doing this is easy when you understand a person better than he knows himself.

Now I am aware of my desires and can satisfy them. I can realize my natural properties and get joy and satisfaction from life. I would like to share this - systemic knowledge of the human psyche, so that tomorrow there will be even more involuntary smiles on the streets of our cities.

Get to know yourself and other people in order to become more joyful and happier. The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan has already helped many in this.

Videos of how people feel when they get rid of rejection of others:

Watch the video about where hatred comes from in us:

Read about how relations with people have changed in people who have been trained:

that in just a couple of lectures, my life and perception of myself and people will begin to change so drastically. A couple of lectures against 9 years of active spiritual searches! Having received such simple and natural knowledge lying on the surface, I noticed that interaction with people has changed by 180 degrees. Hostility has given way to compassion, arrogance to empathy, selfishness to concern for the other person…”
Anastasia, Cyprus

“…Relations with others have improved. I began to understand people. And even justify them. Nerves returned to normal. Stop getting angry for no reason. Relations with a loved one opened up in a completely different way. Many, many more things that I don’t remember right now…”
Kirill U. , Kazan

Author: Tamila Bulukova

The article was written using materials from Yuri Burlan’s online training “Systemic Vector Psychology”

I hate people. They want to hide in the far dark corner of the room and never stick out. Walking in the rain when everyone is sitting in their concrete boxes. The sound of rain is much more pleasant to hear than stupid laughter or obscene, deceitful speech.

I didn't choose to be a misanthrope, a person who hates people. But every attempt to open up to the world ran into a wall of misunderstanding. Blow after blow, I moved further and further away from others, fell in love with loneliness and silence. The hope to find humanity in people died, only hatred remained.

Disgustingly bad from myself: I don't want to be like that. I don't want to feel it all. It is sickening to think that this world crushes me, grinds me in some hellish millstones and turns me into its disgusting likeness. Into a creature full of hatred, malice and soullessness. More and more I want to die. And sometimes to yell into the silent space: “HEY NON-HUMANS, RETURN ME TO ME. "

How is hatred manifested?

All people are different. They differ in upbringing, worldview and outlook on life. And it is not always possible to find a common language. In such situations, hatred creeps into the soul. How does it manifest itself? Most often in anger and aggression. A person begins to scream, swear, and sometimes do things that he later regrets. Revenge is one of the most common manifestations of hatred. A person can out of spite do very obscene things, such as falsifying documents, inciting other people, and even intentionally ruining life.
How to stop hating people? This is a difficult task. After all, hatred is a multifaceted feeling, and it can be difficult to overcome it in oneself. If a person is well brought up, then at least outwardly he will remain calm. After all, shouting and swearing has never helped solve problems. It is not difficult to remove the external symptoms of the manifestation of hatred, exercises in self-control will help here. But you should not be limited to eliminating the consequences, you always need to get to the bottom of the cause.

Possible causes

A strict, domineering mother who resorts to physical punishment may influence the development of hatred towards women
Let's look at what factors can influence the development of hostility directed towards the entire female sex:

  • lack or absence of emotional contact with the mother;
  • the presence of special religious views within the family;
  • bullying and humiliation by classmates and peers;
  • lack of close relationships with girls due to the presence of physical defects in appearance;
  • upbringing in a family in which the female role was devalued;
  • unsuccessful first experience of sexual life, open mockery of the partner;
  • ill-treatment by female relatives, especially mothers, corporal punishment;
  • betrayal of a beloved woman, betrayal.

In most cases, misogyny begins to form in childhood, when there is no formed worldview, and there is emotional instability.

To whom people feel hatred

A person never experiences strong feelings just like that. After all, in order to hate someone, you need a good reason. Most often, the soul is hurt by loved ones. Here they are chosen as objects of hatred. Men and women can hate their former lovers. And it would seem strange that yesterday's object of adoration today is disgusting. But this happens all the time. People converge on the basis of closeness of spirit, and disperse due to misunderstanding or because they cannot fulfill their obligations.

Close relatives are often the object of hatred. Children may have conflicting feelings towards their parents. Why is this happening? Because the parents did not give the child love, tenderness and affection. Or maybe the child wanted to get an education in the field of economics, but it was decided for him that it was better to go to study as a doctor. Brothers may hate their sisters for receiving too much love. Simple jealousy sometimes destroys families forever.

Colleagues also often do not differ in restraint of feelings. They hate a successful young man who in a year was able to climb the career ladder higher than they were in ten years.

How to stop hating people? It is worth accepting that everyone has their own ambitions, characters and outlook on life. No need to try to change others. It is easier to reconsider your own views. In each case, you need to ask yourself a simple question: why? Why do you hate this person? And if you look deeper into the soul, the answer is sure to be found.

I want, but I don't get it

Real life examples show how it works. A person striving for warm, soulful emotional connections with others experiences suffering if he constantly stumbles upon indifference or ridicule. He wants to love and be loved - but in a couple relationship he experiences heartache. Over time, any attempt to get close to someone in advance causes an underlying fear, a desire to protect oneself from experiences.

A person striving for fidelity and honesty, for reliable and stable relationships, experiences deep suffering from betrayal, betrayal of a partner, lies and duplicity of others. There are resentments, distrust of all people, a tendency to generalize their bad experience and see the catch in everything.

Any person feels voids, frustrations in the psyche as tension, a difficult condition. And people today massively dump it on each other in order to experience at least temporary relief.

Verbally sadistic, “taunting” (and someone even assaults). Deeply afraid of deep connections, they sort out partners for one night and use “disposable” friends to the fullest.

The sound engineer is the hardest of all. His desires are of an intangible order: do not take it in your hands, do not put it in your pocket, do not smell it, do not feel it. I want a meaningful life - to understand why you live, what is the meaning of what is happening. I would like to see the world and people differently: humane, living something more than just a full feeding trough.

And the sound engineer's frustrations are the deepest. When he does not find a way to comprehend this life, a way to make it suitable for a normal worldview, he has the most difficult conditions of all. These are deep black depression (sometimes up to mental disorders), sleep disturbances, suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts. And hatred with a capital letter for the whole world - disgusting, vile, rotten through and through.


People often wind themselves up. There are individuals who practice this on an ongoing basis. And as a result, they develop self-hatred. It is impossible to get rid of this feeling without understanding its true cause. Why does a person hate himself? Because in his eyes he seems to himself pathetic and insignificant. But it's unnatural. Most likely, these thoughts were inspired by others. After all, a person with low self-esteem is easy to manage.
People may hate themselves for failure. In life there are not only white, but also black stripes. During such periods, everything falls out of hand and nothing can be done. Everything can start with a trifle, for example, with a burnt scrambled egg or a runaway coffee. Further, a person who is discouraged may embarrass himself at a meeting or, due to forgetfulness, not hand over the project on time. After that, the authorities will definitely announce a reprimand. In this situation, if a person does not pull himself together, he will scold himself for weakness, laziness and irresponsibility.

You can also hate yourself for your actions. Each of us has done things that are embarrassing to remember. For example, a person could play an evil trick on a friend or commit an inappropriate trick. This act is followed by repentance, and if there is no one to pour it out, people begin to hate themselves. After all, this is easier to do than to accept the situation as it is.

Read also: Hyperactive child: what should parents do? Psychologist's advice and recommendations for parents of hyperactive children

Why is it difficult to work with misanthropy?

And all because pronounced misanthropes do not see anything bad in hatred and are unlikely to want to get rid of it. If there is a desire to change something, it means that you are still at the very beginning of the “path of alienation”, and everything is in your hands:

  1. Realize that your emotions are only your business. The rest, by and large, do not care what you think of them.
  2. Decide once and for all that you want to get rid of hatred. This is difficult, because such emotions are an excellent defense mechanism, a kind of “shell”. Consider if you can take it off.
  3. And for this, clearly set yourself a goal, for which you will change. General and vague concepts are not good. Everything should be clear and very personal. For example, I want a child, a house, to become a leader. To do this, I plan an interaction.
  4. Be sure to choose a psychologist or psychotherapist. Many stages of overcoming internal protests are very painful, and it is better to go through them with a specialist.

Hatred of loved ones

It is always hard to part. It is impossible to get used to it or develop immunity. Every time will be like the first. Why do lovers hate each other after a breakup? Popular wisdom says that from love to hate is one step. And it is true. The fact is that lovers cannot sincerely admit to each other that they are annoyed or dissatisfied. Thus, resentment accumulates. They find a way out in quarrels. When lovers quarrel, they can hurt each other with caustic remarks that, under other circumstances, would not sound so offensive. Soon people reconcile, but resentment does not go away. It accumulates in the soul and will definitely pop up at the next spat. Soon a person begins to hate his soul mate. Therefore, people disperse. Mutual resentment and reproach at the same time flow like a stream.
How to stop hating the person who offended you? You need to understand his point of view. People always know the reason for their actions, it's just that sometimes it's not obvious. You need to put yourself in the place of the offender and think about why he treated you badly. And believe me, if you think carefully, you can find a lot of reasons.

Experts' opinion

What do psychologists say about hatred? Experts say that this is an innate feeling. After all, without it, people would not truly understand what love is. After all, it is precisely by opposing one feeling to another that a person can appreciate his surroundings. But if hatred is innate, then why fight it? But laziness, as you know, is born before a person. The fact is that whatever the feeling, good or bad, it must be recognized and controlled. People live in a society, and they need to be able to obey its laws.
How to stop hating the person who betrayed you? Psychologists unanimously agree that you need to forgive. Difficult? Yes, but hatred is not good for anyone. And the fact of betrayal can no longer be changed. Therefore, you need to accept and let go of the situation. Well, yes, it was, but now you understand people better and do not let a person who does not deserve your trust approach you.

Harry Potter Club Forum

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- It's brains, baby. They keep me from becoming an idiot. However, you don't understand.

Re: What if you live with someone you hate?

- It's brains, baby. They keep me from becoming an idiot. However, you don't understand.

Re: What if you live with someone you hate?

Except for the last case, I don't understand how there is nowhere to go?

- It's brains, baby. They keep me from becoming an idiot. However, you don't understand.

Re: What if you live with someone you hate?

- It's brains, baby. They keep me from becoming an idiot. However, you don't understand.

- It's brains, baby. They keep me from becoming an idiot. However, you don't understand.

- It's brains, baby. They keep me from becoming an idiot. However, you don't understand.

- It's brains, baby. They keep me from becoming an idiot. However, you don't understand.

Are anger and hatred the same thing?

Not all people can account for the feelings they experience. Therefore, hatred is often confused with anger. And some even consider these concepts synonymous. Is it so? No. After all, anger is a feeling that a person experiences in a particular situation. For example, let's say a friend played a trick on you. What will you do? Get angry. But do not hate a person because he has a bad sense of humor. If a friend is understanding, then he will no longer play a joke. The hatred is piling up. A single incident is not enough for it to be born in the soul. A person needs to make a mistake at least three times so that you can truly hate him.

How do you deal with people you hate?

Do not show your feelings in public. It's ugly and won't benefit anyone. Therefore, the person you hate should be treated like a distant acquaintance. You need to greet him and maintain a normal conversation. Cold-bloodedness is a trait of kings. Why does the object of your hatred need to know that you care about him? That's right, no need. Try not to express your dislike, but it is better to overcome it in your heart altogether.
How to stop hating people? It is necessary in each case to learn to put yourself in someone else's place. If this does not work out, try mentally "going out onto the balcony." What does it mean? It is necessary to step back from the situation and look at it from the outside.

How to stop hating a person

You need to understand that if you have strong feelings for someone, it means that you care about the person. Most likely, you cannot come to terms with some of his qualities or actions. What do you do if you hate a person? You need to understand the reason. If you do not like his activity in a business partner, you may envy him and worry that he invests more in the business than you do. Talk to a friend and explain your feelings to him. Next time, he will entrust you with holding an important conference or going to a meeting with customers. Do you hate your lover because he maintains a warm relationship with his ex-girlfriend? Perhaps she is beautiful, smart and purposeful, and you are simply afraid of losing your boyfriend.
How to stop thinking about the person you hate? Need to relax. After you forgive a person, you need to switch thoughts in a different direction. You should go to the cinema, to the skating rink or to a cafe with friends.

When examining advice and opinions on how to stop hating yourself, it is worth mentioning the fact of raising self-esteem. Only weak people can be offended by themselves and others. Strong personalities don't hold hatred on anyone. After all, it makes no sense to accumulate grievances that will later poison the soul.

How to stop hating all people

It seems unbelievable that a completely normal person can become angry at the whole world? But this has happened to everyone. You may be late for an important meeting, and as luck would have it, there are only traffic jams on the road. When you nevertheless got to the office and decided that it would be faster to get to the 10th floor by elevator, the lifting mechanism fails. Well, naturally, arriving at a meeting after such troubles, you will begin to hate the whole world. Although, in fact, no one is to blame for the failures. How to stop hating people around you in such a situation? It is worth understanding that everything always happens for the best. Perhaps your delay gave a speech to a partner who coped with the task very well. It should be understood that people cannot influence some events. In these situations, you need to relax and reconcile, because there is nothing else left, so why bother yourself once again?
How to stop hating others if people annoy you with their stupidity? You need to understand that each person is an expert in his field. And if you are a programmer, you should not expect amazing insight in modeling computer games from others. After all, you are also not fluent in 10 languages, and your knowledge of economics and jurisprudence leaves much to be desired, but this does not irritate your acquaintances. Treat people with respect.

Creating a positive view of the world

To create a positive view of the world and learn to forget the negative, you should try meditation. Even if such advice seems banal to you, meditation really helps you learn to live in harmony with people and yourself. It opens the way to a change of consciousness, helps to see everything in a positive light. Repeat the exercise for 20 minutes every day:

find a quiet place, sit on the floor; close your eyes and concentrate on relaxing all the muscles; focus on inhaling and exhaling, feel your own breath; rid your head of negativity and dissatisfaction with the world; repeat the exercises every day until you feel calm and relaxed.

Another option is to write the points of gratitude. You will see more positive in the world, dislike for people will decrease. Take a quarter of an hour a day to write down things that are worth being grateful for. Everything pleasant is brought in here: a cute kitten, good health, good neighbors, etc.

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