When you feel not good enough

SAMHSA’s National Helpline | SAMHSA

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SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.
Also visit the online treatment locator.

SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service), or TTY: 1-800-487-4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.

Also visit the online treatment locator, or send your zip code via text message: 435748 (HELP4U) to find help near you. Read more about the HELP4U text messaging service.

The service is open 24/7, 365 days a year.

English and Spanish are available if you select the option to speak with a national representative. Currently, the 435748 (HELP4U) text messaging service is only available in English.

In 2020, the Helpline received 833,598 calls. This is a 27 percent increase from 2019, when the Helpline received a total of 656,953 calls for the year.

The referral service is free of charge. If you have no insurance or are underinsured, we will refer you to your state office, which is responsible for state-funded treatment programs. In addition, we can often refer you to facilities that charge on a sliding fee scale or accept Medicare or Medicaid. If you have health insurance, you are encouraged to contact your insurer for a list of participating health care providers and facilities.

The service is confidential. We will not ask you for any personal information. We may ask for your zip code or other pertinent geographic information in order to track calls being routed to other offices or to accurately identify the local resources appropriate to your needs.

No, we do not provide counseling. Trained information specialists answer calls, transfer callers to state services or other appropriate intake centers in their states, and connect them with local assistance and support.

Suggested Resources
What Is Substance Abuse Treatment? A Booklet for Families
Created for family members of people with alcohol abuse or drug abuse problems. Answers questions about substance abuse, its symptoms, different types of treatment, and recovery. Addresses concerns of children of parents with substance use/abuse problems.
It's Not Your Fault (NACoA) (PDF | 12 KB)
Assures teens with parents who abuse alcohol or drugs that, "It's not your fault!" and that they are not alone. Encourages teens to seek emotional support from other adults, school counselors, and youth support groups such as Alateen, and provides a resource list.

After an Attempt: A Guide for Taking Care of Your Family Member After Treatment in the Emergency Department
Aids family members in coping with the aftermath of a relative's suicide attempt. Describes the emergency department treatment process, lists questions to ask about follow-up treatment, and describes how to reduce risk and ensure safety at home.
Family Therapy Can Help: For People in Recovery From Mental Illness or Addiction
Explores the role of family therapy in recovery from mental illness or substance abuse. Explains how family therapy sessions are run and who conducts them, describes a typical session, and provides information on its effectiveness in recovery.
For additional resources, please visit the SAMHSA Store.

Last Updated: 08/30/2022

SAMHSA Behavioral Health Treatment Services Locator

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Welcome to the Behavioral Health Treatment Services Locator, a confidential and anonymous source of information for persons seeking treatment facilities in the United States or U.S. Territories for substance use/addiction and/or mental health problems.

PLEASE NOTE: Your personal information and the search criteria you enter into the Locator is secure and anonymous. SAMHSA does not collect or maintain any information you provide.

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The Locator is authorized by the 21st Century Cures Act (Public Law 114-255, Section 9006; 42 U.S.C. 290bb-36d). SAMHSA endeavors to keep the Locator current. All information in the Locator is updated annually from facility responses to SAMHSA’s National Substance Use and Mental Health Services Survey (N-SUMHSS). New facilities that have completed an abbreviated survey and met all the qualifications are added monthly. Updates to facility names, addresses, telephone numbers, and services are made weekly for facilities informing SAMHSA of changes. Facilities may request additions or changes to their information by sending an e-mail to [email protected], by calling the BHSIS Project Office at 1-833-888-1553 (Mon-Fri 8-6 ET), or by electronic form submission using the Locator online application form (intended for additions of new facilities).

What to do if you think that you are worse than others

Varvara Grankova

The feeling that you are worse than your colleagues can manifest itself in many different forms. It can pass quickly - for example, if the boss complimented someone else in front of you, or put pressure on you constantly - for example, if your colleague quit to start his own business. Use the following five tricks to keep your spirits up and improve your own efficiency.

Keep track of what causes you stress. Think about what makes you compare yourself to others. Does it upset you if your boss praises someone but not you? Are you jealous of the achievements of specific acquaintances? Do you often find yourself scrolling through Facebook or Instagram and feeling more and more lonely and insecure? If yes, you are not alone. According to research, social media exacerbates our tendency to give more attention to unpleasant feelings than to pleasant ones.

Try to notice what makes you compare yourself to others: by understanding what these triggers are, you can try to respond to them in a more constructive way.

Try to make use of your own feelings. You most likely can't help but listen to what your boss has to say about you and your colleagues. And while you may stop talking to your friends or quit social media, it will probably only make you feel more lonely. It is better to act differently: to deliberately use these feelings to your advantage.

The next time you're scrolling through social media feeds, ask yourself why you're doing it. Are you bored? So, look for something interesting, not something that will make you feel even worse. And if you hear the news about a colleague's career success and feel like you're giving in, stop and calmly, without judgment, follow your feelings, and then make a decision and try to perceive the colleague's success objectively. Think as if you are not a direct competitor to him, but a journalist who writes an article about him.

If it's all too hard, of course, it's better to take a break. But remember that you can always try to learn something in every situation. Don’t say to yourself “I wish I could do this too” or “I wish I could do this too.” Better phrase it like this: “Why shouldn’t I do the same?” Listen to the thoughts that will arise in your head after such a phrase.

Show your strengths to regain your strength and motivation. During an acute bout of insecurity, you can get stuck thinking about how to catch up with others. At times like these, it's important to regain your sense of efficiency: do something simple and win a small victory. Use your greatest strengths, show them to the world and recharge your confidence from it.

One of my clients was to be promoted to Senior Vice President, but due to the pandemic, his promotion was delayed. He was very upset and envious of acquaintances from other companies who managed to cross this line even before the crisis.

The more he suffered, the worse he worked. To break this vicious circle, he decided to use his forte: the ability to write. He wrote a good article for the company's blog about how management is coping with the crisis - and it became the most viewed post in the history of the blog. Many junior and senior colleagues thanked him for his honesty and optimism. This feedback gave him back his confidence in his own usefulness to the company.

Create a new field of play. Comparisons with a narrow group of colleagues do not make sense: colleagues can either overtake or lag behind them. But if you take a broader view of the situation and include new, more diverse groups, the idea of success will become more voluminous and you will have new areas in which you can win.

Jackie, a director at a Fortune 100 company, has not been promoted to vice president for three years. It did not give her peace. Realizing that she always compared herself only to a small group of other vice presidents, Jackie began to connect with people outside the company. Taking part in a meeting of entrepreneurs, listening to presentations of local startups and being in the role of a mentor, she felt a surge of strength. She also lagged behind this group of new acquaintances, because they already had their own business, but she was pleased to learn from them. Not only did this help her turn away from unpleasant comparisons with colleagues within the company, but it also gave her the energy and motivation to reassess her career ambitions.

Release inner expectations. If you fall behind your peers in real competition—for example, they get promoted and you don't—that's one problem. But there is another, even more harmful situation that can become a source of perpetual insecurity - the belief that you should not only get ahead of your colleagues, but also want what they want. This tyranny of duty breeds an endless race in which you can never rejoice in what you have already achieved. Your internal definition of success is constantly changing - depending on what others want.

Think about it: maybe you did everything right? Don't increase your insecurities by diving into the past, and promise yourself to make future decisions based on your values and whether they provide you with opportunities to grow. If you change plans because of other people's desires or achievements, you will constantly fall behind and depend on your colleagues.

About the author: Nihar Chhaya is an executive coach for global corporations including American Airlines, Coca-Cola, GE and Dell

Article first published in Harvard Business Review Russia. Original article here

Impostor syndrome: what it is and how to get rid of it

January 23, 2016Life

“You don't belong here. You're not good enough. You just got lucky. Soon they will realize that you are not so smart. ” Ever heard that voice in your head? Then you are not alone. This is the impostor syndrome. And more than 70% of successful people face it sooner or later.

Psychologist Gail Matthews found that the vast majority of successful people admitted to feeling like imposters at some point in their lives.

To find out if you are one of them, answer the following questions:

Have you attributed your success to luck, the right moment, or a mistake?
Do you agree with the statement that "if I can, then anyone can"?
Do you suffer because of minor shortcomings in your work?
Do you feel discouraged even by constructive criticism, seeing it as direct evidence of your unsuitability?
When you succeed, do you get the feeling that you have fooled everyone again?
Are you worried about being "exposed" and it's only a matter of time?

The most interesting thing about impostor syndrome is that you are already successful. The problem is that you can't accept it.

People with impostor syndrome have trouble translating their competence into an inner sense. You may see your accomplishments on your resume, but you emotionally disconnect from them. The story your resume tells about you and the story you tell about yourself don't match up. Let's talk about why this is happening and what you can do to fix it.

What is the impostor syndrome

Why, when there are so many know-it-alls around who know absolutely nothing, so many really smart people are not sure of themselves?

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so sure of themselves, and the wise are so full of doubts.

Bertrand Russell

British philosopher, mathematician, public figure

Psychologists have found the answer: it's all about cognitive distortion, which is called the Dunning-Kruger effect. The bottom line is that stupid people do not have enough experience to correctly assess how low their qualifications are, so they are convinced of their genius, even if they are not. On the other hand, people with experience realize how often they were wrong in the past, and therefore tend to underestimate their abilities, even when they are right.

Many successful people who have experienced impostor syndrome have described their feelings.

Because of the exaggerated value given to my life's work, I am very embarrassed. I am forced to think of myself as an unintentional fraudster. Albert Einstein, Nobel Laureate in Physics
I have written eleven books, but every time I think: just about - and people will understand that I am not worthy of it. I'm playing catch-up with everyone, and I'm about to get caught. Maya Angelou, American writer and poet
I'm always waiting for the police to come and take mediocre people and arrest me. Mike Myers, actor, comedian, screenwriter and film producer

But the irony is that it's not just talented people who suffer from impostor syndrome, but those who can least be called liars.

Some researchers claim that the impostor syndrome is equally common among men and women, others - that among women it is much more common. The term “imposter syndrome” itself was coined by two female scientists, Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes.

Yaoqi LAI/Unsplash

Various studies in enterprises show that women often evaluate their work as worse than it really is, while men do the opposite. When medical students were asked to rate themselves on their own, female students gave themselves lower scores than male students, despite the fact that, according to teachers, the girls in this group outperformed the guys. In a study of 1,000 Harvard students, the researchers found that in almost every subject related to the practice of law, girls scored lower than boys. The situation is exacerbated when a woman evaluates herself in the presence of other people or in areas considered masculine.

Sheryl Sandberg

Facebook COO*, Writer

Researchers at MIT found that when the number of female students in a course exceeded 15%, the performance of girls improved dramatically. Girls who attend segregated schools have higher career aspirations than those who attend regular schools.

Reality can change under the influence of emotions. When you feel exhausted, your cognitive performance gets worse. Feeling socially excluded actually (temporarily) makes you dumber.

And if you're in a situation where stereotypes tell you you can't do it, you'll do worse than you can. Are girls worse at math than boys? Certainly, if you remind them of it.

Adding gender to a test results in women performing worse than men.

But this also applies to men. Men who were told during the study that the test tested "the ability to empathize better developed in women" showed less impressive results than those men who were told that the test tested "the ability to complex information processing." With the same scenario, there were no significant differences in women's outcomes.

When you feel like an outsider or deal with negative ideas about your own abilities, you may be affected by impostor syndrome. But if you're really good at what you do, why can't you accept it as a fact and let yourself go? There are several reasons for this.

Vicious circle

Samuel Zeller/Unsplash

Imposter syndrome is directly related to anxiety and fear of failure. You keep moving forward to maintain the appearance... But even when you work hard to avoid being seen, you only increase your confidence that you are an impostor. “You fooled everyone again. But next time you won't be so lucky."

Not surprisingly, scientists have found a link between impostor syndrome and fear of failure. One way or another, we spend our whole adult life trying to avoid mistakes. In the world of the impostor, there is simply no such thing as constructive criticism: there is only condemnation. And the lack of approval, in a sense, serves as another proof that you are a liar. A score slightly lower than good is regarded as an official charge of this.

And you keep working harder, but you don't feel better. As Jim Carrey said of his impostor syndrome and subsequent hard work, "If I continue to think I'm worthless, I'll be the king of show business."

You feel not only exhausted, but lonely. You can't tell anyone about your "secret". You cannot ask for help because you will look incompetent.

After all, it's tiring. Working hard, being afraid of being "exposed", and not being able to ask for help is a lot of stress. As a result, you cause yourself irreparable harm. But there are other ways to deal with impostor syndrome. Let's dwell on them.

1. Focus on learning

Psychologist Carol Dweck recommends focusing on learning rather than results.

People with impostor syndrome often think they are not smart enough. And we are sure that they will not be able to become smarter. This is because they focus on specific goals, such as "How can I get the highest score?" instead of "How can I get better?".

Focusing on self-improvement means admitting that you are not perfect, but you know that you can become better. And with this setup, you really can. After all, even if you make a mistake, you understand that you have learned something new.

But to concentrate exclusively on the results of activity means to calm down only after death. This is incredible stress that pushes you into unhealthy and probably unethical behavior.

2. Strive for "good enough"

Microsoft software has bugs. Developers are well aware of them. And that's okay. At Microsoft, every project starts with the knowledge that a new product will fail. After all, if they wanted to make it perfect, it would never have been completed. Never at all. So they focused on the “good enough” criteria.

Just stop expecting yourself to be a constant state of perfection. Instead, strive for a feeling of comfort at an adequate level. The reality is that even the brightest and most talented of us spend most of our time doing mundane tasks that don't need to do anything supernatural.

Swarthmore College professor Barry Schwartz says "good enough" is the secret to happiness.

Instead of trying to maintain the illusion that you are perfect, acknowledge that you are not. Don't try to become overconfident, learn to empathize with yourself. Forgive yourself if you mess up something. Research confirms that self-compassion has the same benefits as self-confidence, but without the downsides.

3. Take off the mask

Essentially, getting rid of the impostor syndrome is simple: take off the mask. Don't be an impostor.

If we knew all of each other's secrets, what a comfort it would be.

John Churton Collins

English critic

Pressure, pain, discomfort - all because of secrecy. As we have already established, 70% of successful people have felt it at some point in their lives. A significant number of people are experiencing this right now. Therefore, do not be afraid to be in the majority.

And don't be afraid to talk to others. No, you don't have to send all your friends and co-workers an "I'M A LIAT" email. Self-flagellation is also not required. You just need to share with someone how you feel. You suffer in silence because you are silent.

Talking to others is an effective strategy. We can't know what's going on in the other person's head, although it's possible that they're just as puzzled. So make an effort to learn how to communicate with others. When you see that the people you admire (or fear) also worry about their accomplishments from time to time, you can take a fresh look at your own worries.

Talk to someone who you think has experienced impostor syndrome and knows how to deal with it. When you share your feelings, two important things will happen:

You will find that you are no longer an impostor. You are not pretending. You took off your mask.
You will find that the other person experienced the same thing. You are not alone. And it doesn't need to be hidden.

Now let's go back and decide to take the very first and most important step to get rid of the impostor syndrome.

Summary

How to Get Rid of Imposter Syndrome:

Focus on learning. You can get better if you try. Focus on it.
Focus on "good enough." Don't try to be perfect. Even if you make a mistake, don't dwell on it.
Remove mask. Share your thoughts with someone who knows the feeling. You are not alone.

It may seem to you that you are walking down the street naked and exposing too much of your heart, and your mind, and everything that is hidden inside you to other people's eyes, exposing yourself. If you feel this, then you are doing everything right.

Neil Gaiman

famous English science fiction writer, author of graphic novels and comics

So what should be the first step?

Plan your own exposure. Right now. Write to someone you can talk to about it and set up a meeting. Each of us wears masks. This is part of life. But from now on, if you want to wear one of these, do it not because you're an impostor, but because you're a superhero.

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