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How to deal with unwanted pregnancy


Coping with an Unplanned Pregnancy | Hopeline PRC

You weren’t expecting this; the pregnancy test is positive. You’re feeling so many emotions all at once. Where should you go from here?

Did you know, half of all pregnancies are unexpected, so it is natural for many women to wonder how to cope with an unplanned pregnancy. Like any big decision, it’s important to take time to process, accept, and decide what to do next.

Here are six steps that can help you cope with an unplanned pregnancy:

1. Acknowledge that you are in shock, and that’s okay

Unplanned pregnancy is shocking. It is not something you expected, planned for, or likely even thought about. It might take a few days for you to accept it, and that is okay. Give yourself time to process and take it in.

2. Allow yourself to be emotional

Let yourself feel the emotions as they come: anger, excitement, frustration, confusion, and all the others. Write down the emotions you experience, so that in a few days when the intensity has subsided, you can review them and figure out what you still feel about the pregnancy.

3. Face your doubts

Most women, whether their pregnancies are planned or unplanned, experience doubts about themselves and their ability to make a healthy pregnancy decision. It can be easy to let fears and doubts overwhelm you, but it is important to realize that those initial feelings are not enough to base your decision on. Acknowledge those feelings, but don’t let fear make your choice for you. Remember, you do not have to make a decision right away. 

4. Visualize the different options

Take a step beyond fear and visualize each of the options you have. Imagine yourself at home with your baby. Picture grocery shopping and the routine parts of each day.

If you choose abortion, what emotions do you think you’ll feel a week after the abortion, a month after, when you hold your first child? If you’re considering adoption, can you picture yourself going through the process? How would that make you feel? Each of these decisions are difficult in their own way. Reaching out to a trained options counselor may help you navigate through this process.

5. Don’t let finances be your top concern

Finances are important, but they shouldn’t be the only factor you base your pregnancy decision on. There is a lot of help available to you. Hopeline offers resources and referrals to help women and men facing pregnancy decisions.

6. Find non-judgmental support

People have many thoughts and feelings about an unplanned pregnancy. It’s important that you find people who will offer encouragement and help if you need it. If you aren’t sure where to start, Hopeline can help you with free and confidential support throughout your pregnancy.

Hopeline has been serving pregnant women with no-cost and confidential care for over 30 years. Our staff is experienced in helping each woman who walks through our doors to cope with an unplanned pregnancy. Schedule an appointment at Hopeline and let us help you through your next steps.

Dealing with Unplanned Pregnancy: 7 Tips to Cope

An unplanned pregnancy can be an emotional ride, but with the proper support, you may be able to cope and make a decision that best supports what you desire.

The reality of an unplanned pregnancy is that you weren’t expecting it and now may be dealing with the anxiety and trepidation related to what having a baby could mean for you right now.

Maybe it’s bad timing. Or maybe you were done having kids or weren’t ready to consider becoming a parent.

Take a deep breath. Then consider trying to figure out how you’re going to move forward, be it choosing to continue the pregnancy or not. And consider navigating the changes to your relationships or emotional challenges.

When dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, it may help to know you aren’t alone.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that in 2008 over 50% of folks reported having an unwanted pregnancy. By 2011, the overall percentage dropped to 45%, but unwanted teen pregnancy remained at about 75%.

Unplanned pregnancy is common in partnered women. A study from 2017 broke down pregnancy intention into “planned,” “unplanned/happy,” “unplanned/ambivalent,” and “unplanned/unhappy.

At 9 months postpartum, the study reports that people who had “unplanned/unhappy” pregnancy experienced psychological distress at nearly double the rate of those who had a “planned” pregnancy.

There are several strategies available that may help you feel calm in the face of uncertainty, stress, and anxiety.

1. Get confirmation

It may not hurt to confirm you’re pregnant with a doctor. While home pregnancy tests are generally very reliable, a doctor can confirm the pregnancy with a blood test and do an ultrasound to see how far along the pregnancy is.

Seeing a doctor may also help you figure out a plan for the pregnancy. This may help you in making decisions about what you are going to do and may help you feel a bit more at ease.

2. Acknowledge you are in shock

It’s OK to be in shock. Shock can happen with any sudden, traumatic changes that may affect your life, like an unplanned pregnancy. You can – and probably should – give yourself some time to process before figuring out how you want to respond.

3. Let your emotions flow

You may feel a range of emotions following a positive pregnancy test as you process what’s going on. They may include:

  • fear
  • excitement
  • anger
  • confusion

It may help you to write them down and then try to process them at a later point in time. Reviewing the emotions felt may help you determine what you are currently feeling about the pregnancy.

4. Allow your thoughts to flow too

Along with your emotions, try to let your thoughts flow without judgment, no matter what you may be thinking. Your thoughts – even dark ones – won’t affect the pregnancy, don’t reflect on you as a person, or in any way reflect how you may be as a parent.

You may want to hold off on action until you’ve had a chance to fully process what you’re thinking and feeling. And again, that’s OK.

5. Consider support options

Now may be a good time for you to figure out who you can lean on for support. Your partner? Close friends? Family members? Or maybe you feel better speaking to a counselor about what you’re thinking and feeling.

No matter who you lean on, support should be unbiased and non-judgmental. You deserve that. No one should judge you, your feelings, or whatever choices you make regarding the pregnancy going forward.

You may also consider seeking a doula or midwife near you that can help you during this time.

6. Visualize your options

As you process your emotions, you may find really considering your options beneficial. You can try to visualize the following:

  • what will life with a new baby at home be like, changes to routine, and so on, acknowledging both the good and the bad
  • what will the adoption process be like should you decide to go down that path, and how will you feel
  • how will ending the pregnancy affect how you feel following the procedure, both in the short and long term

Like with other processes, you should try to go easy on yourself. You’re just considering the options you have and trying to figure out how you will feel about each choice.

You may also want to consider how each decision will affect any underlying condition you may be living with, such as depression and anxiety.

7. Don’t be afraid to accept help

Friends, family, and even some community members may be willing to help during your initial shock through the pregnancy. Support doesn’t always look the same, but it could include the following:

  • offering a friendly shoulder to cry on
  • financial support
  • offerings of food
  • help around the house

You can accept their help and still keep your decisions your own. Providing help doesn’t give permission to another person to dictate how you feel or the decisions you make.

In many parts of the United States, you have three options following an unplanned pregnancy. They include:

Become a parent

Assuming the pregnancy is healthy, you can follow it through to the end and bring home a new baby at the end. You should consider working with a doctor or other medical professional throughout the pregnancy to help ensure the health of the baby.

If you are worried about how to pay for the pregnancy, you can contact the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services at 1-800-311-BABY (1-800-311-2229) for help with finding reduced cost or free medical care or visit their website for other options.

Adoption

Adoption allows you to connect your baby with a family that will provide care for your unborn child. The adoption process involves several legal processes, and working with a reputable agency can help guide you through it. You can start your search for agencies here.

Abortion

Abortion is a complicated legal option depending on your location, but it’s still available in different areas of the country and may be the right answer for you.

If you’re considering abortion, you can use this finder to help you find abortion centers in your state or nearby states, as well as up-to-date information on the legality in each state.

Pregnancy is big news that can affect both you and your partner no matter where you are in your relationship. You can take steps to maintain a healthy relationship. Here are some tips:

  • Give them space: Give your partner space to process their emotions, too, so you can discuss them together at a later point.
  • Discuss the options: Take time to discuss your options with your partner, letting them know how you feel about each option and listening without judgment about what they are thinking about each option.
  • Develop a plan together: Once you’ve discussed your options, you can start to develop a plan to move ahead. If you do this together, it may help strengthen your bond and help each other cope.
  • Consider counseling: If you find you’re drifting apart or not seeing eye to eye, you may find that counseling may help. Counseling can help you and your partner communicate more effectively and possibly better understand where they are coming from.

When you get a positive home pregnancy test or find out at a routine medical appointment, try to take some time to process the news. Nothing is going to change immediately, so you do have some time to process what you’re thinking and feeling.

As you start to process the news, you can work with your partner or with friends and family if you’d like to determine what you’re going to do. No matter what you choose, you should feel confident in your decision.

how much does it cost, how do they do it, how long is an abortion possible, complications

Anonymous

had a medical abortion

I encountered an unplanned pregnancy and decided to terminate it medically in a private clinic.

I will tell you what a medical abortion is, how it is done, how much time you have to make a decision and where you can go for help.

Go see a doctor

Our articles are written with love for evidence-based medicine. We refer to authoritative sources and go to doctors with a good reputation for comments. But remember: the responsibility for your health lies with you and your doctor. We don't write prescriptions, we make recommendations. Relying on our point of view or not is up to you. nine0003

What is a medical abortion

In Russia, people have the choice to become parents or not. Such a reproductive freedom policy protects the rights of women and increases the likelihood that children born will be desired.

Abortion - NHS

Pregnancy and childbirth is a major physical and psychological ordeal that has a significant impact on well-being and health. The decision to maintain or terminate a pregnancy is the responsibility and personal choice of every woman. nine0003

Medical Abortion - Mayo Clinic Blog

Medical abortion is a method of terminating a pregnancy by taking special drugs. This is something like a miscarriage, only caused artificially. Its advantage is that the woman does not undergo any operations, so the risk of side effects is lower.

In addition, this technique is quite effective and safe: in almost 97% of cases, it is possible to terminate a pregnancy without consequences for the woman's health.

Until what gestational age can a medical abortion be done and why

Artem Litvinenko

obstetrician-gynecologist, member of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, Fomin Clinic

Termination of pregnancy at the request of a woman is possible until the 12th week of pregnancy. Vacuum aspiration of the uterine cavity or pharmacological preparations are used as interruption methods at this time.

Medical abortion, according to Russian clinical guidelines, is carried out before the ninth week of pregnancy, or in the first 63 days from the first day of the last normal menstruation. Such terms are due to the minimum risk of complications and the maximum probability of the success of the procedure during this period. nine0003

How abortion pills work

Medical abortion is done with two drugs. First, the woman takes a mifepristone tablet. It blocks the production of the hormone progesterone, which is necessary for the normal development of pregnancy. As a result, the growth of the embryo stops.

Medical Abortion - Planned Parenthood Federation, USA

After some time, the woman takes a second pill, which causes uterine muscle spasm. As a result, the pregnancy is terminated: bleeding begins and after a few days the uterus is released. nine0003

How I accidentally got pregnant despite having sex with a condom and emergency contraception

My unwanted pregnancy story began with a condom failing me and my partner. Condoms prevent pregnancy 98% of the time. That is, the probability of getting pregnant with regular sexual activity during the year is 2%.

Contraceptive Effectiveness - Drugs.com

Pregnancies are associated with unexpected situations where the condom breaks or slips. If this happens, you need to act quickly - and use emergency contraception. nine0003

It works like this: a woman takes a special pill that prevents the release of an egg from the ovaries, its fertilization and implantation into the wall of the uterus - without these processes, pregnancy is impossible. More often, hormonal preparations based on levonorgestrel are used for emergency contraception. These medicines are sold without a prescription.

/list/gynecology/

17 important questions for gynecologist Tatyana Rumyantseva

The effectiveness of emergency contraception pills based on levonorgestrel is about 95% if taken within the first day after intercourse. Further, the efficiency drops.

Emergency Contraception - American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology

I was able to take the pill within an hour and a half after sex. I was very worried and waited a week to take a blood test for hCG - human chorionic gonadotropin, the level of which in the blood can determine pregnancy.

When I passed the test, the hCG indicator said that there was no pregnancy. It would be right to re-analyze every other day and look at the change in the indicator. However, a familiar gynecologist reassured me: the hormone level is low for a week of pregnancy, there is nothing to worry about. nine0003 Emergency contraceptive preparations may contain different concentrations of the active substance. The reception scheme depends on this. Sometimes for protection it is enough to take one tablet, sometimes two with a difference of 12 hours. Source: Eapteka My hCG analysis did not show pregnancy

How I found out about pregnancy and decided to have a medical abortion

A couple of weeks passed, I knew that due to taking the emergency contraceptive drug, the menstrual cycle could be disrupted. But she was still worried, so on the third day of the delay she took a pregnancy test. He turned out to be positive. nine0003

How to do a pregnancy test - NHS

On my way home from work this evening I read everything on the internet about false positives. As a result, I bought five more different tests. It turned out that the first test did not lie: all the others were also positive.

At first there was shock, tears, misunderstanding and disbelief - after all, I always think everything through, and this time I was careful, doing everything right. It was difficult even just to realize the very fact of pregnancy, it was scary to think about any options. nine0003

I was lucky to have a partner: he was there, reassured and supported. In my opinion, he did the best that a man can do in such a situation: he said that we would make a decision together and deal with the consequences.

/discuss/ready-for-baby/

Why should women plan to have a baby?

We discussed options, fears, doubts, and on the same evening we decided to have an abortion. In the morning, I began to look for a clinic where I could undergo a medical abortion procedure - this option was best for such a short period of time. nine0003 My first test All the pregnancy tests I did were positive

Why I chose a private clinic

In Russia, abortion is included in the medical care provided under the CHI. That is, an abortion can be done in a public clinic for free.

Law "On the Basics of Protecting the Health of Citizens of the Russian Federation"

Up to 12 weeks this is possible at the request of a woman, up to 22 weeks - according to social indications, for example, in case of pregnancy as a result of rape. For medical reasons, abortion is done at any time. nine0003

The obstetric gestational age is counted from the beginning of the last menstrual cycle, and not the fact of conception, which is difficult to establish. That is, if a woman applied immediately after a missed period, her period will be about 5-6 weeks.

Medical abortion is also included in the CHI system. True, this method may not be available in every antenatal clinic - you need to check with your gynecologist at the place of residence.

I decided to go to a private clinic because it's easier and faster. I have a VHI policy that could cover part of the cost of preliminary tests. However, the network of clinics serving my policy did not perform medical abortion. nine0003

/dms/

What is DMS

It would be possible to do tests and studies on DMS, and then bring the results to the clinic where the procedure is performed. However, for reasons of urgency, I declined this option. And I just turned to one of the clinics of a large Moscow network, made an appointment for an initial appointment with a gynecologist the next morning.

How to do a medical abortion

The first doctor's appointment. First, the doctor must determine the fact of pregnancy. To do this, an intravaginal ultrasound is performed, with its help they also determine the approximate period. nine0003

A gynecologist records a woman's desire to have an abortion. From this moment, a period of silence begins for 48 hours, so that the woman has the opportunity to think it over again and make a final decision.

My first appointment was relatively easy: the doctor listened to me and did an ultrasound. She did not ask unnecessary questions, did not comment on the situation in any way, on the contrary, she calmly explained everything and made an appointment for the next appointment in two days.

/sonography-rocks/

How much does a pelvic ultrasound cost

After reading stories on the Internet, I was afraid of questioning, condemnation and was mentally preparing to fight back, but, fortunately, everyone in the clinic was very tactful. The initial appointment with the gynecologist cost me 2700 RUR, I also paid 2425 RUR for the ultrasound.

The second appointment with the doctor. The second appointment is scheduled in two days, the doctor is convinced of the decision of the woman, gives her informed consent to be signed.

Order of the Ministry of Health on approval of the procedure for providing medical care in the field of obstetrics and gynecology

Rh factor: how it can affect pregnancy - American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists

This time I was seen by a different doctor, but just as calm and tactful. She clarified my decision, agreed to sign it, and told me how the termination of pregnancy takes place.

Before referral for termination of pregnancy, an additional examination may be performed to rule out contraindications. I was given referrals for a blood test for infections, swabs were taken. nine0003

Women who have become pregnant for the first time also need to determine the Rh factor. If it is negative, like mine, the woman needs to be given a drug that will prevent the Rh conflict between the mother and fetus during the next pregnancy.

After the tests and payment for services, the doctor gives the first pill - mifepristone, it stops the pregnancy. It is taken under the supervision of a doctor, you need to stay in the clinic for one and a half to two hours.

The first drug usually does not cause any physical sensations, but in rare cases, nausea, weakness and dizziness may occur. I didn't feel anything. nine0003

The doctor warned that, since I have a negative Rh factor, for the next visit I need to buy Hyperrow or Camrow to prevent Rh conflict. It is administered intramuscularly in the treatment room.

The next day I bought Camrow, the package cost 5822 R. I had to look for a pharmacy where it was in stock and go there on purpose, since in most places the medicine was available only on order after a few days.

5822 R

I spent on a drug to prevent Rh incompatibility

Third doctor's appointment. The next visit to the doctor is scheduled in another 24-48 hours, so that the first drug has time to work. I was told to come back in 28 hours. It was a day off, my partner was able to come with me.

At this appointment, the doctor gives a second drug - misoprostol, which stimulates the contraction of the smooth muscles of the uterus and the expansion of its cervix, thereby stimulating the removal of its contents. nine0003

The doctor inquired about my well-being, gave me a misoprostol tablet and told me to dissolve it under my tongue. The pill didn’t dissolve well, the doctor and the nurse were doing something on the computers, and I was embarrassed that it took so long.

When the pill finally ran out, the doctor explained how everything should go, gave me another pill of the drug, telling me to take it in an hour and a half, also dissolving under the tongue. She gave her emergency phone number, clarified that I did not come alone, and let me go home. nine0003

After the appointment, I immediately went to the treatment room to get an injection with an anti-Rhesus drug. After waiting five minutes in line, I went in, explained what I needed to do, felt good.

While the nurses were discussing something and one of them was drawing up a syringe, I felt a strong heat, my eyes brightened sharply. Due to the fact that the medicine began to work, I began to faint. I was promptly laid on a couch, given an ammonia napkin and given an injection. I left, not feeling very well, and I realized from the bleeding and cramps in my stomach that the medicine was working. nine0003

Feeling like severe pain during menstruation. I took an ibuprofen tablet, my partner and I sat for 20 minutes in a quiet place until the pain began to recede, and went home. On the way, I took the second misoprostol tablet - there was no such sharp pain effect from it, perhaps because the painkiller had already been drunk.

If all previous visits can be handled by yourself, you should definitely take someone close to you to this third appointment. You can feel unwell and weak, it is better if someone takes you home. You should definitely take pads with you, because bleeding will begin. nine0003

15,780 R

I paid for a medical abortion

The entire medical abortion procedure cost 15,780 R, the price included all tests, medications, doctor's appointments and control ultrasound.

Is there a high risk of complications after medical abortion? %. Possible complications of the procedure include:

  1. incomplete abortion is a situation in which the fetal egg is not completely removed from the uterus and repeated medical intervention is needed;
  2. Severe bleeding is a rather rare complication. According to statistics from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, bleeding requiring medical attention occurs in less than 1% of patients;
  3. infectious complications also occur in a small percentage of cases.

The doctor at the consultation should tell the woman about the "red flags" - symptoms of complications, the appearance of which should immediately seek medical help. nine0003

You also need to be aware of the side effects of taking medications that may occur during the first 24 hours. Side effects include nausea up to 66% of cases, vomiting up to 40%, diarrhea up to 35%, headache up to 40%, dizziness up to 39%, hot flashes or chills up to 69%. The likelihood of each side effect depends on the drug regimen, dose and gestational age.

Late complications of medical abortion are not to be feared. According to current data, medical abortion does not have a negative impact on the ability to become pregnant in the future or the outcomes of future pregnancies. nine0003

First week after medical abortion

Bleeding that starts after taking the second drug is similar to normal menstruation, but may be more heavy. It lasts 7-9 days, and small spotting can continue until the next menstruation.

Painkillers such as ibuprofen are allowed for severe spasms.

It is important to monitor the well-being and the volume of outgoing blood, in rare cases medical attention may be required. If the bleeding has increased so much that two large pads are required for half an hour, you should contact an ambulance. If you have a high temperature that lasts for more than a day, you need to see a doctor - this may be a sign of an attached infection. nine0003

/list/ya-tebe-ne-veryu/

"When you give birth, everything will pass": 6 dangerous myths about women's health and gradually decreased. To my surprise, on the night of the fourth day, the bleeding increased dramatically. I even began to monitor the volume of blood, fearing that I would have to call an ambulance.

Fortunately, there was no time to worry a lot: important work had to be done, and everything was over in this couple of hours. By the end of the week, the bleeding had practically disappeared. nine0003

There are no special restrictions after medical abortion, the only thing is that it is not recommended to have vaginal sex during active bleeding.

When you need to see a doctor immediately after a medical abortion

Artem Litvinenko

obstetrician-gynecologist, member of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, Fomin Clinic

Main red flags to pay attention to:

  • rapid

      palpitations, severe abdominal pain, general malaise with or without fever, occurring more than 24 hours after taking misoprostol - these symptoms may hint at the development of an infection; nine0188
    • using two or more maxi pads per hour for two hours in a row when fully full indicates possible uterine bleeding.

    Monitoring abortion after medical abortion

    If there are no complaints, after the abortion, the doctor should be seen on the 9-15th day. The gynecologist conducts an examination and makes a control ultrasound. If the pregnancy is not completely terminated, vacuum aspiration of the uterine cavity may be prescribed.

    I was scheduled for a follow-up visit exactly one week after the previous one, which, according to the recommendations, is too early. The doctor did an ultrasound, but could not confirm the success of the procedure: there was still blood and clots in the uterine cavity, which interfered with the study. This condition is diagnosed as a suspicion of incomplete abortion. nine0003

    To clarify the diagnosis and decide whether it is necessary to use vacuum aspiration, I was sent for a blood test for hCG, it cost 729 R. The result of the analysis came the very next day, I sent it to the doctor in a messenger.

    /analiz-hgch/

    HCG blood test: when to donate and how much it costs

    Control ultrasound with suspected incomplete abortion The hCG level is still high, above the norm, but has already begun to fall. If the pregnancy had developed, the figures would have been higher than

    . According to the analysis, she confirmed that the procedure was successful, but since the uterus was not completely cleared, she ordered to come back for an ultrasound after the next menstruation. nine0003

    To my surprise, the cycle after the abortion did not go astray, the next menstruation came about a month later. After it, I signed up for a second control ultrasound, as the doctor ordered, but already in another clinic for VHI. A second ultrasound confirmed that the procedure was successful, there were no remnants of blood and clots in the uterus.

    This conclusion ended my history of unwanted pregnancy. I decided to change the method of contraception to combined oral contraceptives, selected by a doctor. I was convinced from my own experience that even an extremely small probability of contraceptive failure can lead to serious consequences. nine0003

    /podbor-kok/

    How to choose combined oral contraceptives

    I endured the termination of pregnancy quite easily from a psychological point of view, because my choice was completely conscious, and next to me was a partner who was ready to support. Feeling pain, grief, self-pity, other emotions, or none at all is absolutely normal and natural. If I felt that I was not coping, I would have turned to a psychologist.

    I spent on medical abortion 27,456 R

    Service Cost
    Medical abortion + tests + control ultrasound 15 780 Р
    Rh incompatibility drug 5822 R
    Pre-abortion doctor visit 2700 R
    First ultrasound 2425 R
    HCG Assay 729 R

    Medication abortion + tests + control ultrasound

    15 780 R

    The drug against Rh conflict

    5822 R

    Visit to an abortion of

    2700 r

    2425 R

    Analysis

    729 Р

    Remember

    1. Medical abortion can be done before the ninth week of pregnancy. This is the safest of the abortion methods, which in most cases does not affect the woman's health and the ability to become pregnant and give birth to a healthy child in the future. nine0188
    2. Before terminating a pregnancy, you need to have a follow-up ultrasound to confirm the due date, as well as undergo an examination.
    3. Medical abortion goes like this: at one of the appointments, the doctor gives a pill that stops the development of pregnancy, and at the next, a drug that promotes uterine contractions.
    4. If the bleeding intensifies in the first days after the abortion, you need to call an ambulance. If the temperature rises for a long time, consult a doctor.
    5. Women who are Rh-negative after an abortion are given an injection of a drug that prevents Rh-conflict with the fetus in the future. nine0188
    6. In 97% of cases, medical abortion is successful, but 9-15 days after it, you need to do a follow-up ultrasound to make sure.

    Did you also have an illness that affected your lifestyle or attitude? Share your story.

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    A one-way ticket: the stories of women who have experienced abortions

    A Levada Center study showed that over the past 20 years, Russians have begun to have a worse attitude towards abortion. At the end of 90-x, only 12% of respondents condemned abortion even in cases where the family cannot afford a child due to poverty. Today, this point of view is already shared by 35% of respondents. "Idel.Realii" talked to several women who decided to have an abortion or refused it. What were the reasons for this decision, what did they have to endure, and how did it affect their lives? Some women's names have been changed at their request.

    READ ALSO:

    Mordovia without abortions? Clinics urged to opt out of abortion services nine0350

    Alena — 23 years old.

    I don't even know where to start this story. We met with a young man from my 17 years. He was my first love and my first man. Literally right after school and the beginning of studies at the university, we began to live together. A year later, at the age of 19, I found out about my pregnancy.

    "I wanted to hide under the covers so that all this would pass by itself, like the flu or SARS"

    I remember that evening very well. About a week before it, I began to feel some kind of heaviness, my chest and body ached, I gained a little weight. I did the first test, the usual paper. Two stripes. I sent the young man to the pharmacy for a better one. You never know, what kind of fake got caught or the result is erroneous. He brought an expensive digital. It must have been about eight in the evening, I locked myself in the bathroom. It was scary. The young man at this time was winding circles at the bathroom door. Opened the package, read the instructions, checked. The result showed +3. This meant that the gestation period is more than five weeks. The panic began about half an hour later, when I found out that medical, non-surgical abortion is done only until the sixth week. nine0003

    I want children, I don't mind, but I was 19 at the time. Everything was jumbled up in my head at that moment. We sat together with him and searched the Internet for clinics. So that the price was normal, so that friends or relatives would not go there. If only no one knew, I thought. My parents always trusted me and knew that I would not do anything stupid. But when we started living together with a young man, they cleared my brain on the topic of pregnancy: “if this happens, we need to give birth”, “we will stretch together”, “don’t even think about abortion”, “this is all evil and very dangerous”, " you will never have children later," and so on. It is clear that I could not tell them anything and could not allow them to learn it from someone else. nine0003

    After a couple of hours we chose a clinic. I could not sign up right away - it was late and she no longer worked. They fell asleep with a young man in an embrace and in a panic. He constantly said that we would get through this together, everything would be fine and something else in the same vein. The next morning I called and made an appointment for the nearest free time to the gynecologist. In half an hour I was already in the clinic.

    It was summer, it was hot outside. I sit in the lobby, waiting for the doctor to be released. And here comes the doctor - a woman with a huge belly, in the seventh or eighth month. The same gynecologist I need to see. Well, we met, went to her office. There she asked what brought me here, if I felt well. In response, I told the story of the unwanted pregnancy and the decision to end it. I thought she would dissuade, convince of the happiness of motherhood even at an early age, but no. Went for an ultrasound. It turned out that it was already the sixth week. Medical problem can be solved up to the eighth. To be honest, I was happy. nine0003

    The plan was this: today I take my first pill, I go home, I don't go to school or work, I lie down for a day and come back for the second one. After I take the second one, I go up to the ward and lie there until everything comes out of me.

    Everything was fine until I took the second pill. It was hell. I was thrown into a fever and trembling at the same time, my legs gave way, my head was spinning, I vomited. Just awful. This lasted several hours, after which I was again sent for an ultrasound. There they told me that all the hard things were over, the fetus came out. Now it remains just to recover, take tests a few more times and recover in terms of health. nine0003

    "It took me about a month to fully return to normal life"

    I didn't experience any great mental anguish, didn't suffer and didn't regret my choice. At some point, it even became scary from such indifference. For me, this procedure was a relief. After that, we met with a young man for another two years. Abortion only strengthened our relationship. We broke up for completely different reasons.

    I can say one thing, I would never want to experience an abortion again. As for the statements about the prohibition of such procedures, I am sure that this is a complete "bottom". Such initiatives will not lead to anything good. Abortions will become clandestine and only surgical. And there the girl herself can die, and the doctors lie that they have done everything and take the money. This is terrible. We have the topic of abortion and so taboo, why aggravate the situation. nine0003

    According to the World Health Organization, every fifth abortion is performed by a girl between 11 and 19 years old. Of these, 40% refuse to have a child of their own free will.

    Elvira — 38 years old.

    When I read or hear something about abortion, something seems to freeze inside. Not guilt, not resentment, I can not explain. I am by no means in favor of a ban on abortions, they should be legal. But it's more than just a medical procedure, it's a psychological one. First of all, not for the soul of a child, but for the soul of a woman. nine0003

    I was in my third year of university, everything was fine, I met a guy, we loved each other, made plans for life, and very specific ones. The guy several times asked for my hand, talked about it with his parents. But mine were adamant. "Early, get your degree, get a job, then we'll see. " With a guy, we spent all our free time, managing to study well, and earn extra money, and help around the house. They did everything to make their parents happy.

    We "decided" for ourselves that we would be together. We had sex without thinking at all that we were doing something bad. One fine day, my mom's friend reached into my purse (don't ask me why, it's terrible) and took out a condom from the smallest pocket. At that moment I was not at home. By the time I returned, a whole family council had already gathered. They didn’t ask questions, didn’t listen to me, everyone expressed their opinion and, as a result, they unanimously forbade me from dating the guy. The arguments were as follows - it is not customary for us (apparently, because we are Tatars?), I will dishonor the whole family. There were no more arguments. Forbidden fruit is sweet, even we Tatars know it. What happened happened. By negligence, I became pregnant, and did not know this for almost three months. nine0003

    "I didn't want to keep the fetus just to keep it. You have to be ready for motherhood, first of all mentally"

    A baby can and should be born when it is expected, it is loved in advance. I have always believed in this.

    The relationship between my boyfriend and parent was so bad that I didn't even think to tell them, I'm afraid to imagine what would have happened. After consulting with my older relative (friends could not help in any way), I found a "commercial abortion" service in one of the maternity hospitals in Kazan. The recording was only from Saturday to Sunday night. nine0003

    The day was very ordinary, I helped around the house, and in the evening I went to "a friend's house for the night." Even on the way to the operation, she called home from a machine in the corridor that everything was fine, and we were going to bed soon. It was an operation, since the term was already long. The nurse grumbled something under her breath that "don't you know that you may not have more children." I heard all this while falling asleep under anesthesia. In general, falling asleep under anesthesia for some reason you think that everything is the end.

    The abortion lasted 20 minutes, we were taken away and brought back soulless to the ward. Before that, I signed some papers. I didn't read them, or maybe I read them, but I didn't understand them. What was in them? What did I take responsibility for? No one took tests from me before the abortion. Why did they do it at night? There were many questions. nine0003

    I woke up in the morning in a good mood, finally I didn't feel sick. The doctor looked and said that I could go home. Again, they made me sign something. There were dozens of women of different ages there. Nobody wanted to see or talk to anyone. I don't even remember how much it cost, the guy paid for everything. The next morning he picked me up, walked me home, and we didn't see each other for some time.

    "There were several dozen women of different ages. Nobody wanted to see or talk to anyone"

    Then he was very depressed. I must admit that our relationship after the abortion was no longer so sincere, precisely in emotional terms. We are kind of old.

    Exactly 10 years later I gave birth to my first child, after 2 years of my second, everything is fine. Every time I went to the gynecologist, I asked with fear, "I had an abortion, is everything okay with me?" Yes, I'm fine physically. But the trauma remained. I also do not believe in the proposition “what should have happened” happened. nine0003

    You have to be able to establish contact with your children, and not bang your fist on the table with the words "you embarrass me." It would be good to think about the correct sexual education of daughters and sons. By "correctly" I mean a relationship of trust, so that they don't hide anything from us. If my parents think that I spit on them, they are deeply mistaken. I didn't give a damn, but it could have been different.

    According to the Charlotte Lozier Research Institute, more than 1.2 million girls get rid of an unwanted child in Russia every year. The same figure in the US. China ranks first in terms of the number of abortions - about nine million abortions annually. nine0003

    According to the research institute Charlotte Lozier (Charlotte Lozier Institute), every year in Russia, more than 1.2 million girls get rid of an unwanted child. The same figure in the US. China ranks first in terms of the number of abortions, with about nine million abortions annually.


    Maria — 47 years old.

    I am the mother of an adult daughter. Before I met her father - my husband - I had gone through a lot, including an abortion. I regret it to this day. I was then 21 years old. I was graduating from university, thinking about a permanent job, a large and friendly family. At that time, I had, as it seemed to me, a loved one. We came to study together, studied at the university together, all our friends were in common. After university, we planned to get married and have a baby. But the latter happened long before graduation. nine0003

    When I was 21, I found out that I was expecting a baby. It was early, very early. I don’t know how to collect all this in my head and explain it, but at that moment I couldn’t give birth. It's all simple now. At that time, the three of us would have had to huddle together in a communal apartment, there would be no one to look after the child, we would have had to live on the small salary of her husband. And the parents... They wouldn't understand at all. Maybe I was just scared of all this, maybe I was not sure about this very future, I don’t know.

    I decided to have an abortion and didn't say anything to that guy. I went to the hospital, told everything to the gynecologist. She scolded me for a long time, calling me low words. I sat in her office in tears. At the end of her killing monologue, she said to come back in the evening when no one was there. I sat for six hours on a bench in the courtyard of the hospital. She didn't eat, she didn't drink, she cried. At the appointed time, she returned back to her. There was one nurse and a doctor in the office. They did everything and sent me home late at night. I didn’t understand anything at all, my head was spinning, my legs gave way, blood was flowing. They said that the blood would go on for a few more days. nine0003

    The next day I couldn't get out of bed. The roommate called an ambulance. I told her what was the matter, she told the doctors, and I was taken to the hospital. I don’t remember exactly what happened, but either this girl or the doctors themselves were discussing it very loudly in the hallway of the hostel. In the end, everyone who lived on the floor recognized it, then the whole hostel, then at the university. And my boyfriend was the last to know from the words of his friend. For him it was a shock.

    "The teachers did not recognize me as a person, classmates simply did not want to spoil their reputation and communicate with me"

    At the hospital they told me that the gynecologist had done something wrong. This caused me to bleed. A week later, I returned to the hostel, but no one spoke to me, no one greeted me. I barely graduated from the university, although I studied for one five. The teachers did not recognize me as a person, classmates simply did not want to spoil their reputation and communicate with me. And my boyfriend… He just avoided me. He didn't say a word to me. I tried to talk to him, I waited at the university, I waited at his dorm room. Each time he passed by very quickly, and once he said the phrase: "Disappear." A month later, I found out that he proposed to another girl. nine0003

    I graduated from university, returned to my hometown, got a job. There she met her future husband and got married. After a while, it turned out that I could not have children. My husband and I adopted a girl, raised her and raised her to her feet. Do I regret my decision then, at 21? Yes, I'm sorry. Highly. Crazy. It's not about the circumstances in which I found myself after the abortion, not about its impact on my future life. The thing is, I did it. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know why I didn't listen to the doctor then. She yelled at me, cursed and warned me how it could end. nine0003

    No, I love my family, I love my child. We gave her life, a better future. But what would it be if then, 26 years ago, I would have made a different choice.

    Yes, I condemn abortion, yes, I condemn doctors who do it. Even if a woman is in a very deplorable situation, she can give birth and send the child to an orphanage. I'm still trying to atone for my sin. Nothing seems to wash it from my soul.

    WHO data show that among girls who have had sex before the age of 25, 75% get rid of a child during their first pregnancy. At the same time, 45% of them face complications, and every tenth loses the opportunity to have a child. nine0385

    Eva - 20 years old.

    I dated a guy for three years before my pregnancy. We started talking to him when I was 14 years old. We lived in the same yard, were in the same company. He was an older boy and I really liked him. I was a tall girl and also interested him. Thus began our childhood romance. In fact, there was little childhood there, because we very quickly moved on to intimate relationships.

    A year later he joined the army, I waited for him. We had a serious relationship, it seemed to me that he made specific serious plans for me. Life went on as usual, he got a job, I went to school. We did not hide the relationship, all our relatives, friends knew that we were together and approved. When I was in tenth grade, I found out in October that I was pregnant. I was 16 years old at that time. nine0003

    Despite a lot of material and moral difficulties, I was also a schoolgirl, my boyfriend wanted to leave the child. I remember when we started dating, everything happened for us, he told me that if I suddenly become pregnant, he would never insist on an abortion.

    "For my mother, the information about the pregnancy was a blow, the birth of a child could cross out all my prospects. She convinced me not to leave the child"

    We decided to go to our parents and tell them everything. My mom got very upset. There were no screams and scandals, she just insisted on an abortion and really wanted me to continue to study, to live without encumbrance. At school, I was an activist, an excellent student, a beauty. For my mother, the information about the pregnancy was a blow, the birth of a child could cross out all my prospects. She convinced me not to leave the baby. My sister supported my mother. They urged me to think very carefully, honestly, without embellishment, told about all the consequences and hardships. nine0003

    When I told my boyfriend that I had decided to have an abortion, he did not support me and disappeared for several days. From our mutual friends, I learned that he had gone on a drinking binge, he felt bad and he was not himself at all.

    At this time, my sister took me to her gynecologist for a consultation. The doctor said that the pregnancy is going well, the heart is beating. All my tests were perfect. In the examination room, the doctor began to tell me about abortions, their types, consequences and possible complications. This scared me a lot. nine0003

    I was more frightened than when I found out about the pregnancy. Because when it first became clear, my boyfriend supported me, and when I was at the doctor's, I realized that I was all alone. I was really scared. I constantly thought about the child. I was told that this is just a cell, but I remembered the words that the heart of this cell is already beating. The psychological factor worked.

    I am not a strong opponent of abortion. I am sure that every person has the right to make a choice. No one can artificially prohibit a person from making certain personal decisions. It is not right. nine0003

    I understood that despite the opinions of my relatives, I wanted to keep the child. I was also afraid for my health. When we left the clinic, the sister said that the choice was mine, and I decided to give birth.

    The same evening, my boyfriend and I discussed what we would do, when to get married, where to live. At that time, my mother, sister and boyfriend's mother knew about my pregnancy. We told dad on a special occasion at a family celebration. He was shocked, but reacted positively. Despite the fact that fathers want to kill the guy in such situations, my dad said that he would help us in every possible way. nine0003

    The pregnancy was going well. What was surprising for me personally, I did not meet any condemnation. My headmistress, teachers, doctors absolutely supported my choice, helped with all the information for transferring to home schooling (this requires a special diagnosis, and this column was empty for me). There was also a positive reaction among my classmates, friends from other parallels. There were cases when teachers who did not teach me anything said something behind my back, but as far as I know, their positions were not approved. My prestige, earned before, could not spoil even the fact of early pregnancy. It was definitely very supportive. nine0003

    "Perhaps, of course, they said something behind their backs, but at least no one said anything to my face and made it clear"

    I'm lucky. I gave birth for free, in an ordinary city maternity hospital. I had very good obstetricians from whom I did not hear any condemnation. It is possible, of course, that they were saying something behind their backs, but at least no one said anything to my face or made it clear to me. nine0003

    I gave birth to a healthy girl in July after the tenth grade, and in September I started the 11th grade. Relatives and friends helped look after the child, sat with my daughter when I was in class. I actually ended up in a very soft and comfortable position. In this regard, I personally was lucky. Subsequently, the child did not prevent me from passing the exam, entrance exams to the university and going to the budget. Having a child also helped me get a job. I work in the field of education, so despite my young age, employers, when they hear that I have a daughter, note this as a positive factor. nine0003

    But my husband and I got divorced. He said that he wanted a child, but in fact he was not ready for such a responsibility. He wanted to take a walk, let's say, he wanted freedom.

    I don't regret my choice at all. All these circumstances helped me grow up. Now my child is three years old, and in this short period I have experienced what people have been trying to experience for years. I didn't break. If I dropped my hands, I would drop my daughter.

    This is just my experience. I'm just very lucky. But this does not mean that everyone who finds himself in the same position will have a positive outcome. nine0003

    According to the United Nations Population Division, abortion is legal in 55 states out of 194. The United States, China, Canada, North Korea are recognized as the most loyal in relation to abortion. Here, the procedures for getting rid of the fetus are legal for any reason at any time, up to childbirth. Russia also recognizes the right of a woman to refuse the birth of a child at her own request.

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