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How to spot a female psychopath


How to Identify a Female Psychopath

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In an earlier post, I discussed how to spot a psychopath by looking for three distinctive traits. Now, when we hear the word psychopath, we usually think of men. When it comes to psychopaths, most examples are of men. This is true of fictional characters, like Hannibal Lecter and Jim Moriarty, and it is also true of real-life psychopaths, like Charles Manson and Ted Bundy.

But what about women? Is there such a thing as a female psychopath?

The truth is, we don’t hear a lot about female psychopaths. They are rarely depicted in fiction—the only notable exceptions I can think of are Glenn Close’s character in Fatal Attraction, Annie Wilkes in Misery, and Amy Dunne in Gone Girl. And they are rarely studied in the scientific literature. But that doesn’t mean that female psychopaths don’t exist.

In fact, the few studies that have been conducted tell us that an estimated 17% of incarcerated women fit the criteria of a psychopath (compared to 30% of incarcerated men). But what about outside the prison system? What are the odds that right now, you have a female psychopath lurking in your life?

In truth, the odds are fairly good. An estimated 1 in 100 people fit the definition of a psychopath. But most are not deranged killers. In fact, most psychopaths evade detection. They may be your doctor, your lawyer, your boss, or your co-worker. So the chances are good that you have at least one psychopath in your life, and that person may well be a woman.

But here is the problem. Because we rarely discuss female psychopaths or see them in the news or in the movies, we are not as good at spotting them as male psychopaths. In part, this is because female psychopaths don’t necessarily look and act the same way as male psychopaths do.

It is important to keep in mind that psychopathy is a personality disorder. As such, it is classified as a mental illness, and many such illnesses manifest differently in men than in women. For example, the symptoms we usually associate with a heart attack—chest pain, tingling in the left arm, sweating—are symptoms that are most common in men. When women suffer a heart attack, they tend to experience different symptoms, like shortness of breath and nausea.

The stereotypical signs of a psychopath, including animal abuse in violent psychopaths and superficial charm in "successful" non-violent psychopaths, are far more indicative of male psychopathy. Female psychopaths exhibit different and often less violent signs. As a result, female psychopaths are more likely to go undetected.

So, if you want to be able to spot a female psychopath, you need to know how female psychopaths may differ from males. Here are two key differences:

1. Differences in Narcissism

All psychopaths are high in narcissism. This means they see themselves as superior to those around them. But how this narcissism is expressed differs for men and women. Male narcissists tend to shout their self-praise from the rooftops. They tend to brag about their accomplishments and their superiority on social media. They have no problem telling you to your face that they are better than you.

Female psychopaths are different. They’re more covert about their narcissistic tendencies. They smile and praise you face-to-face but think they are better than you behind your back.

2. Differences in Aggression

Male psychopaths tend to display their aggression behaviorally. They engage in physical assault, abuse animals, or commit violent crimes. This helps explain why the percentage of psychopaths in male prisons is double that of female prisons. Since male psychopaths are more likely to engage in violent behavior, they are more likely to get caught and locked up.

Female psychopaths are better equipped to fly under the radar. This is because they tend to display their aggression relationally. They spread gossip about you at work. They gaslight you to the point that you doubt your own sanity. They leech off you and manipulate you into doing their bidding (think Jennifer Jason Leigh’s character in the movie Single White Female). If you refuse to go along, they threaten to harm themselves in response. They are master puppeteers, pushing everyone’s buttons and pulling people’s strings to get what they want.

In the end, the difference comes down to this: Male psychopaths throw punches; female psychopaths throw shade.

So what should you do if you suspect there is a female psychopath lurking in your life?

The first step is to identify them, which is harder than you may think. Despite what the movies lead us to believe, most psychopaths are not psychotic, raging killers. Instead, most are what psychologists call “successful psychopaths”—they’re your CEO, doctor, lawyer, or beloved celebrity (all of which are professions with high percentages of psychopaths). So that’s the good news: If there’s a psychopath in your life, he or she is not likely to kill you. But here’s the bad news: They are likely to make your life miserable and harm you in less obvious ways. This is why detection is key.

But before you start feeling paranoid, know this. Not every woman who gossips or threatens self-harm is a psychopath. Psychopathy is a narrowly defined disorder made up of a combination of three traits, not just one (to learn more about the three traits you can use to identify a psychopath, see my prior post).

But what if you have identified a psychopath in your life?

In truth, there’s little you can do to change a psychopath. Being a psychopath isn’t a choice, it is something that is hardwired into people’s brains. For example, when people view distressing images or immoral behaviors, psychopaths (both male and female) show reduced activity in the amygdala, the part of our brain that controls and processes emotions, compared to non-psychopaths. This explains why psychopaths are unaffected by the suffering of others; their lack of empathy runs deep within their neural architecture. In a sense, psychopathy is a disease of the emotional circuitry of the brain, especially the part that deals with interpersonal emotions.

So if you can’t convince the psychopath in your life to change, what can you do? Unfortunately, it is often the case that the only way to beat a psychopath at their own game is to refuse to play. Don’t engage in their petty gossip. Don’t take the bait when they push your buttons. Stand your ground and don’t let them intimidate you. And if all else fails, do what victims in all those serial killer movies do. Run!

Facebook image: Pascal Krumm/Shutterstock

How Does a Female Psychopath Behave?

Having lived with two psychopaths—a mother and a sister—I am hoping that my personal experience will help others to better understand and protect themselves from women displaying traits of psychopathy or antisocial personality disorder. My goal is to sensitize readers to how female psychopaths act and behave in everyday settings. Living with two of them enabled me to see the entire personality up close over many years—a perspective very different from that of clinicians or researchers.

Source: Rodnae Productions/Pexels

Female Psychopaths Seek to Destroy and Command All Attention

Many female psychopaths seek to destroy others however they can. A female psychopath may undermine your self-esteem using innuendo, or bully you and turn friends and family against you by poisoning your reputation behind your back. There is no end to what she might do to shatter your life. Many female psychopaths are pathological liars who are more cunning and manipulative than male psychopaths.

The female psychopath desires to be the center of attention and demands center stage. Listen closely to her style of speech—how she also manages to play the victim. She may shed crocodile tears to play on your sympathy, and the next moment her tears can transform into raucous laughter. Her personality turns on and off like a neon sign.

Histrionics and Other Tactics

Dare not challenge her. This could trigger a ballistic response.

The psychopathic woman is often known for histrionics and her award-winning performance can be convincing enough to persuade her audience to believe her side of the story—even after hearing your side first. She may resort to whatever means necessary to get what she wants and will use any tool possible—including flirting with your partner or otherwise co-opting through seduction.

In the end, a female psychopath is often loyal to no one. She may believe she is entitled to everything, while it pleases her to give you nothing. She might gloat over your misfortune and, while she is gloating, you may even notice a smirk on her face. After all, why should you have more than her?

She might steal or deliberately damage a treasured possession—and if she gets caught, she will never apologize because it is really your fault. As a matter of fact, she distorts all stories in her favor and blames you for what she does.

Driven by Envy and Personal Inadequacy

At her core, the female psychopath may not like herself. But it rarely helps to feel sorry for her. No matter what you do for her, no matter what you give her, she will remain ungrateful. She is likely extremely envious and desires to obtain everything that she wants since she believes she was cheated out of life’s bounty, and it is up to her to even the score.

What she wants is impossible to get: Why aren't movie producers banging down her door? Why doesn't she have the long legs of a Rockette? Mind you, what she wants has no end and brings her no satisfaction. She appreciates nothing.

Beware if she offers you gossip as confidential information. She is telling others the same stories, many of which might be half-truths or even full-blown lies. She may be highly adept at sidling up to people. She will size you up in a moment while you are still trying to figure her out.

Incapacity for Love

The most devastating and destructive of her psychopathic traits may be her incapacity to love anyone—even her own child. This intrinsic incapacity spells doom for any relationship.

Self-love and inner emptiness: how to recognize a psychopath

It is almost impossible to understand how a female psychopath thinks, because it is contrary to human nature, writes Winifred Rule, author of Born to Destroy: Female Psychopathy As It Is.

The personality and behavior of such a woman is made up of sheer paradoxes. Here she lies masterfully, but now she cuts the truth-womb. He deliberately says nasty things to his face, but immediately repents and asks for forgiveness. He sincerely sympathizes, gives advice, sympathetically offers to help - and suddenly refuses his own words under a plausible pretext. nine0003

She is indefatigable if she wants to get her way, but she is a master at dodging other important things. What other features do these women have?

A mixture of delight and contempt

Deceiving people, psychopaths experience a strange mixture of contempt and delight. They are surprisingly perceptive and know exactly which “buttons” to press in order to make someone suffer, and count another victory for themselves. Even their own children get it. After all, everything is done calmly and coolly, as if it should be so. nine0003

Psychopaths intentionally torment and upset others in order to revel in their success and feel superior. However, the enthusiasm passes quickly. Soon such women begin to get angry: "Here's a simpleton, it's so mediocre to get hooked!"

Pathological pride

Mostly psychopaths are aware that they are behaving inappropriately. To compensate for this flaw, they try to be the center of attention. For example, they pretend to be the soul of the company in order to charm everyone and win universal sympathy. nine0003

In fact, they prey on simpletons who are ready to serve their selfish aspirations. They wander through life, looking for someone to use for their own purposes, and then plan how to do it. And they often call it "friendship."

Sharp mind

Do not consider them mentally handicapped. They are exceptionally intelligent and do not suffer from mental illness at all. The CT scans clearly show that the brains of most psychopaths show no abnormalities, except for minor differences. Their amygdala, the region of the brain associated with emotions, is slightly smaller than normal. nine0003

Why are they like this? Nobody knows. Psychopathy is called a disorder, a deviation, a defect. But at the same time, psychopaths are quite rational and know what they are doing. Moreover, studies show that their behavior is the result of free choice.

Emptiness inside

What is going on in the soul of such women? Many of you have probably heard how psychopathic heroines in the movie say: “There is emptiness inside me.” Although this feeling is clearly associated with a misconception of oneself, most often it is fleeting and fickle. nine0003

As Winifred Rule notes, she has seen such mood swings more than once: “A psychopathic relative in desperation blurted out this phrase aloud and looked genuinely upset. A minute later, as if on click, she was chatting animatedly on the phone, laughing and gesticulating. And this happened regularly.”

You shouldn't feel sorry for them

If suddenly you feel sorry for psychopaths, don't. Behind this screen, albeit a very plausible one, are predatory and prudent intentions. Give up, you will be destroyed - verbally, emotionally, psychologically or physically. nine0003

It's not easy to recognize them. From afar, they are charm itself. But if you look closely, you can see the true insidious nature. Just be careful and don't get too close.

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