Psychology books on love

The 7 Best Books on the Psychology of Love ...

books • ★★★★★

By Corina

People often say that every painting, every poem, every novel or every song ever created is in someway about love. Love is a central theme in art and in our lives. Here is my list of a few books that offer very valuable insight into improving one’s life since they can help us understand better where this phenomenon comes from, how it works and what it means for the human condition. Here are the 7 best books on the psychology of love that you should consider:

1 Why We Love - Helen Fisher

On iTunes at: itunes.apple.com
Book critics call this wonderful book “a groundbreaking exploration of our most complex and mysterious emotion.” This book actually presents the results of a study in which Helen Fisher scanned the brains of the people who had just fallen madly in love and she proved that primordial areas of our brain “light up” when we experience this feeling. She explains what we experience when we fall in love, why we choose a specific person and how romantic love affects your sex drive and your feelings of attachment to your partner.

2 The New Psychology of Love - Robert J. Sternberg, Karin Sternberg

On Amazon at: amazon.com
In this wonderful book, the authors have gathered more than a dozen expert contributors to address the question about defining love. It’s actually a superb compilation of well-documented research on the dynamics of love. It deals with a wide range of truly scientific aspects of love but the research covered is informative and fascinating.

3 Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose - Ayala Malach Pines

On Amazon at: amazon.com
This is an excellent book that outlines data that clearly shows how you might be imprisoned by your own pattern of choosing a specific lover. It’s a combination of hundreds of studies, clinical experiences and observations that helps us discover what makes us fall in love with people. It’s a wonderful and insightful book that offers an interesting perspective on love.

4 A General Theory of Love - Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini, Richard Lannon

On iTunes at: itunes.apple.com
This wonderful book draws on the latest scientific research to demonstrate how relationships function, how psychotherapy really works, how parents shape their child’s developing self and it actually offers us a new perspective on human intimacy. It’s a good read that will help you understand this wonderful feeling a bit better.

5 Getting the Love You Want - Harville Hendrix

On iTunes at: itunes.apple.com
This book was first published in 1988 and it has helped millions of couples attain more loving and satisfying relationships. The author, Harville Hendrix, is a couples counselor who created Imago Relationship Therapy, which is based on a variety of disciplines such as Gestalt therapy, depth therapy and cognitive therapy.

6 Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work - John Gottman, Nan Silver

On iTunes at: itunes. apple.com
A lot of people could say that Dr. John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage because he has studied the habits of married couples in unprecedented detail over the course of many years. This book is actually the culmination of his life’s work and it contains 7 principles that can guide people on the path toward a harmonious and healthy relationship.

7 Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love - Sue Johnson

On iTunes at: itunes.apple.com
In this book, Dr. Sue Johnson presents Emotionally Focused Therapy to the general public for the first time and this technique was described by the New York Times and Time magazine as the couples therapy with the highest rate of success. This book is easy to read and it’s understandable both for professionals and also for people who are interested in improving their relationship.

There are a lot of studies and books that have tried to explain the wonderful feeling called love. I just mentioned a few in this little article, but I’m sure that there are many more I could add to this list. Do you know any other great books on the psychology of love? Please tell us more about them in the comments section!

Sources:
brainpickings.org
psychcentral.com

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4 Psychologist-Recommended Books on Relationships

Some people dismiss self-help books as drivel or a collection of common sense advice that they already know. But there are many books that offer valuable insight into improving one’s life. You just have to know which ones to pick up.

That’s where a psychologist can come in handy.

Below, several couples therapists share their top-rated books on relationships. Regardless of the state of your relationship, you just might find many kernels of wisdom in these resources.

1. Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson.

According to clinical psychologist Lisa Blum, “Hold Me Tight is one of the best books I can recommend for couples because it is a powerful antidote to the pain, distress and hopelessness that so many couples feel.”

The book is based on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which clinical psychologist and researcher Sue Johnson founded. Blum, who also specializes in EFT, explained that “The book outlines several stages of healing work that couples can do together, in the privacy of their own home and at their own pace—called the ‘seven conversations’—that are truly effective, if both partners allow themselves to fully engage in the process. ”

She added that the book “takes some very rich theory and research about how human beings are wired for close connection and attachment with each other, and translates it into easy-to-follow chapters and exercises that have the goal of resolving long-standing hurts between partners and helping them to feel close, safe, and ‘held’ by their most intimate partner.”

You can learn more about Sue Johnson and her work here.

2. Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg.

This is one of clinical psychologist Robert Solley’s top picks (his other pick is Hold Me Tight). Non-Violent Communication teaches readers how to communicate and resolve conflicts peacefully and productively.

He said that “anyone who feels they’re struggling in their relationship —and it only takes one partner feeling this way to count—will find [this] helpful as [a] framework.” As Solley writes on his website, this book is “clear, easy to read, well organized, and describes a great way to minimize judgment and blaming, and get to the underlying feelings and needs that really matter. ” He also features a list of recommended resources on his website.

You can learn more about nonviolent communication and Marshall B. Rosenberg here.

3. Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix.

Clinical psychologist Ryan Howes called this book “profoundly insightful and transformative.” As he said, “The old axiom ‘you married your mother’ is just the tip of the iceberg.” (Sounds interesting, right!)

Specifically, in Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix, a couples counselor, introduces Imago Relationship Therapy, which he created based on a variety of disciplines, such as cognitive therapy, Gestalt therapy and depth psychology.

You can learn more about Harville Hendrix and Imago Relationship Therapy here.

4. Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver.

Howes said that this book, which “examines the science of relationships,” is perfect for people “who value research, reason and practical advice. ” John Gottman is a world-renowned marriage researcher and clinical psychologist.

In Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Gottman and co-author Silver dispel common myths about divorce and illuminate what it means to have a happy marriage—information based on Gottman’s years of research. “Many are shocked to find how often science disagrees with conventional wisdom,” Howes said.

You can learn more about John Gottman’s work here.

What are your favorite resources on relationships? If you’ve read any of the above books, what did you think?

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Sue Johnson.

Advertising on RBC www.adv.rbc.ru

M: Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2018

Sue Johnson is one of the founders of Emotionally Focused Therapy. This direction of therapy helps to build a secure attachment and intimacy in a couple. Johnson herself compared it to a pair dance.

Most often, relationships deteriorate because people reproduce destructive scenarios. For example, during a quarrel, one of the partners pulls away, wants to be alone with himself and think about everything, while the other at this moment feels abandoned. From the feeling of abandonment, resentment and fear for the relationship deepens. I want to "catch up" with a partner, to reach out to him. This only increases the misunderstanding, which provokes a new quarrel - the cycle closes, the scenario can be repeated from time to time. nine0003

"Hold Me Tight" is a guide on how to recognize and deal with such scenarios. This is the foundation for building healthy relationships to start with.

"Hold me tighter." Sue Johnson

Marina Travkova. "Infidelity"

M: "Bombora", 2021

You can get completely different answers to the question about attitudes towards treason. Someone will say that betrayal is a betrayal that cannot be forgiven. Someone - that everyone changes, just some do not hide it carefully enough. There is a position “men are polygamous and women are monogamous”. Who is right? nine0003

Sex therapist Marina Travkova explains why cheating happens, despite the fact that it can cause pain and destroy relationships. How both partners often unknowingly invest in cheating. And, finally, what to do if you stumbled upon the erotic correspondence of your husband or you were told bare facts in the forehead.

"Infidelity". Marina Travkova

Amir Levin. Matching

M: Mann, Ivanov & Ferber, 2020

Do you like a scientific approach to relationships? Then you will love this book! It draws on attachment theory developed by the psychoanalyst John Bowlby. nine0003

Attachment is formed between a child and a parent (or guardian) in the first years of life. How this happens determines all our future relationships. Bowlby identified three types of attachment:

- Secure

This is a healthy type of attachment that occurs when a child feels secure from the first years of life. He trusts the parent and is not afraid of the world. In relationships, securely attached people build intimacy calmly, don't fear rejection, and don't try to overly control their partner. nine0003

- Avoidant

From the outside, it seems that these people do not need relationships at all - they are so self-sufficient and cold. In childhood, they may have suffered from overprotection or misunderstanding on the part of the parent, so closeness for them is associated with insecurity.

— Anxious

Intolerance to loneliness, jealousy, self-doubt are signs of an anxious type of attachment. It is formed if a person has experienced the loss of parents, separation from them or lack of attention. nine0003

The Matching Book helps you identify your relationship patterns and (if you wish) change them.

"We match each other." Amir Levin

Berry and Janey Weinhold. "Liberation from codependency"

M: "Klass", 2002

Initially, psychologists understood codependence only as a relationship with a person suffering from addiction - alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction. The term is now used more broadly and applied to relationships in which people give up their own needs and focus entirely on the other person. But this does not benefit anyone, but only destroys both. nine0003

Many people think that codependency is incurable. The authors of this book, using practical examples, show that this is not so. If you analyze the reasons for the formation of codependency, as well as systematically change the model of behavior, you can learn to build completely different relationships.

Breaking Codependency is a set of specific instructions and tests to help track progress. In addition, the book contains stories from the psychological practice of the authors: what requests did clients make to them, how was the therapy going, and what was achieved. nine0003

"Release from codependency". Berry Weinhold, Janey Weinhold

Daniel Wyle. After the Honeymoon

M: Alpina Publisher, 2017

This book is not just for couples. It is dedicated to that period in a relationship when bright love subsided and we see each other with all the shortcomings, the difference in habits and interests. If you notice that after a couple of years the relationship ceases to please, it's not that no one is right for you. It can be fixed. nine0003

It is commonly believed that an ideal marriage is when you do not quarrel, understand each other perfectly and always agree on everything. But often the couples who make that impression are the ones who suffer the most. In intimacy between two people, conflicts inevitably arise. And this is not bad - they give us a chance to better understand each other. It is during difficult periods that the deepest intimacy is built in a couple, which should replace falling in love, says Daniel Wyle.

"After the honeymoon". Daniel Wyle

Esther Perel. Always Welcome

M: Mann, Ivanov & Ferber, 2020

Psychotherapist Esther Perel explores the topic of sex in long-term relationships. Always Desirable is a reissue of her bestselling book Captive Breeding. How to reconcile eroticism and everyday life.

We are looking for a relationship of trust, stability and intimacy. And when we get it, we get bored. It is boredom and predictability that most often lead to betrayal - you want not just physical intimacy, but novelty and intrigue. nine0003

Esther Perel came to the conclusion that sexual desire requires distance between partners. Interest flares up when we look at a person as if from afar. And it is very difficult to constantly want someone whom you know from beginning to end, whom you see every day, with whom you will definitely fall asleep and wake up the next morning. And also life, household duties, raising children.

The problem seems to have no solution: after all, if desire requires distance, then what about the intimacy and comfort of partnerships? Perel found the secret of how to keep wanting each other, even in long-term relationships, avoiding sexual boredom and cheating. nine0003

Always welcome. Esther Perel

Carl Rogers. Marriage and Its Alternatives

M: Eterna, 2006

Carl Rogers is the founder of client-centered therapy. This direction was a real breakthrough in psychotherapy: it put the client and the therapist on an equal footing, based on humanistic values and the belief that each person can change for the better.

"Marriage and Its Alternatives" - Rogers' discussion of love and relationships. There are no instructions, tips and radical point of view of the author. But there are many stories of different couples with whom Rogers worked. He analyzes all cases with his characteristic love for people and unconditional acceptance. Practical examples help to look at the development of relations from the outside and understand what destroys them, and what, on the contrary, strengthens them. nine0003

Marriage and its alternatives. Carl Rogers

Harvill Hendrix, Helen Hunt. "Love for Life"

M: "Mann, Ivanov and Ferber", 2020

The authors of this book are a married couple of psychologists. Both already had an unsuccessful marriage behind them, which made me wonder: why even good, love-filled relationships are often destroyed?

Initially, it seems that “the love boat has crashed into everyday life”: people are immersed in household chores, their habits do not converge, and they begin to conflict. But Hendrix and Hunt came to the conclusion that more fundamental problems lie behind domestic quarrels. In relationships with a partner, we reproduce the patterns that we saw in childhood, even if they were destructive and painful. It's the only love we've learned. nine0003

In order to help couples change their core beliefs, the authors came up with imagotherapy. It is based on dialogue. By talking and discussing your relationship with your partner, you gain positive experience and gradually change the usual pattern. This helps to come to a conscious partnership - this is how the authors call an open and healthy type of relationship.

The book contains examples from therapeutic practice and exercises that can be done together with a partner.

"Love for life". Harville Hendrix, Helen Hunt

John Gottman. The 7 Principles for a Happy Marriage

M: AUDR, 2018

Love concrete charts and instructions backed by science? They also exist in the realm of relationships. The clear proof is the work of John Gottman, who claims to be able to predict the future of a couple by observing them for a few minutes.

Gottman worked with various families for several years, meeting with them once a year, conducting interviews and measuring physiological parameters. Based on this data, he deduced seven factors that help maintain a long happy marriage. He put emotional intelligence at the forefront - the ability to understand one's own and other people's emotions, share them, and express one's feelings for each other. nine0003

"7 principles of a happy marriage". John Gottman

Gary Chapman. "5 Love Languages"

M: "Visson", 2010

Imagine a couple experiencing relationship problems: both claim that the partner does not love them. She says: “He is always at work, sometimes on business trips. Yes, it's all for our well-being. But what is the use of this when you need a person just to be there? He replies: “I do everything so that she doesn’t need anything, and I don’t feel any reciprocal support at all.” The problem is that they have different "love languages". nine0003

According to Gary Chapman, love has five manifestations: