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Postpartum depression in adoptive mothers


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Foster mother depression - Inessa Astakhova

Foster mother depression

Depression

Few people know that there is such a problem as depression after adoption.

Postpartum depression has long been considered an expected part of pregnancy and childbirth. The reason for this phenomenon is considered hormonal changes that occur in the body of a woman. According to various estimates, from 50 to 80% of mothers experience postpartum depression in its mildest form. Of these, approximately 10% experience a more severe form of postpartum depression that lasts longer and has more symptoms. Society usually well understands and accepts this phenomenon. Family members and healthcare providers are prepared for these symptoms and support mothers during this period without question. nine0003

Public and medical attitudes towards postpartum depression are fundamentally different from the silence and closeness surrounding the increasingly widespread problem of post-adoption depression.

The immediate environment of such a family turns out to be completely unprepared for the fact that foster parents do not experience absolute happiness, but on the contrary, are unhappy, although, it seems, their old dream has come true.

At first glance, this seems paradoxical, but in reality, foster parents have specific reasons that lead to a depressive state. Many adoptive parents go through a very long period, sometimes taking more than one year, before they are given the opportunity to adopt a child. During the waiting time, hopes and dreams can create unrealistic ideas about exactly how things will be when they have a baby. And of course, foster parents are not ready for the disappointment they experience when reality turns out to be contrary to their ideas about the child, and how they will feel as parents. nine0003

Parents will be tormented by guilt and shame because of their feelings of ambivalence, hostility or irritation towards the adopted child. The fantasy of instant attachment is usually unrealistic.

Love for a child is in many ways similar to love for a future life partner: the euphoria from falling in love is followed by a long and difficult process of getting used to the daily presence of another person nearby.

According to many families that are part of the East European Adoption Fellowship, it often takes two to six months for a real feeling of affection to form. nine0003

Parents also have a strong fear that all these feelings described above will become known to relatives and supervising social worker. Fear that they will be judged, considered unworthy parents and taken away from their adopted child. Foster parents try to endure, not to pay attention to tormenting feelings, not to ask for help, and as a result, the difficult situation worsens even more.

Preferring not to disappoint or confuse their family members, many adoptive mothers simply suffer silently, feeling shame and guilt, feeling imperfect and selfish. nine0003

Stress, cardinal changes in the normal course of life creates all the prerequisites for frustration, feelings of helplessness and anxiety, which is an excellent set for the onset of depression.

Garriet McCarthy's analysis of data on the duration of post-adoption depression paints a very disturbing picture:

  • Postpartum depression lasts an average of about 2 weeks;
  • Depression after adoption lasts from 2 to 12 months or more. nine0036
  • 45% of the adoptive parents surveyed had suffered from depression for 6 months or more.
  • 85% of those who had depression reported that it affected their health in one way or another (significant weight loss/gain followed by sleep disturbances and headaches).
  • 70% felt that post-adoption depression was interfering with the smooth transition of adopted children into families and relationships. nine0036

This article uses materials from Harriet McCarthy

Depression after adoption. What to do if this happened to you?

Translated by L. Lavrov
Site material
RainbowKids.Com

Garriet McCarthy is an adoptive mother of three boys from Russia, a member of the East European Adoption Association and other associations of adoptive parents. She is familiar with the problems of international adoption, one of them is depression after adoption. nine0003

The international adoption community is facing a crisis of very serious proportions. It can endanger the health and well-being of many families with adopted children. It's about depression after adoption. According to a study by the Eastern European Adoption Association, this phenomenon affects 65% of adoptive mothers. Despite this, adoption agencies, social workers, and most medical professionals do not notice or recognize him.

Postpartum depression has long been considered an expected part of normal pregnancy and childbirth; medical professionals and society openly discuss and understand this phenomenon. According to various estimates, from 50 to 80% of mothers experience postpartum depression in its mildest form. Of these, approximately 10% experience a more severe form of postpartum depression that lasts longer and has more symptoms. The cause of both of these phenomena is seen in hormonal changes and disorders. Families, doctors and caregivers are prepared for these symptoms and support mothers without question during this usually short period. nine0003

Public and medical attitudes towards postpartum depression are fundamentally different from the silence and closeness surrounding the increasingly widespread problem of post-adoption depression. The term was coined by June Bond in her article in the spring issue of Roots & Wings magazine in 1995. Those of us who enter the international adoption community, especially foster parents of children from orphanages, face additional challenges when adopting newborns. babies who were not brought up in a family. Usually the age of these children is from the age when they learn to walk to school age. Their background and language problems are an additional factor that influences the possibility of adoptive mothers developing depression syndrome after adoption. nine0003

For the past seven years I have been closely involved with the international adoption community. I am an adoptive mother of three older boys from Russia, a member of the East European Adoption Fellowship, and the founder and co-chair of International Adoption in Families in Piedmont.

Throughout my entire work experience, post-adoption depression has been a constant and pressing issue. In the fall of 1999, with the help of the East European Adoption Association, which posted a questionnaire on the website, I conducted a study to test how common post-adoption depression was. The results were alarming. Our questionnaire was available to mailing recipients from the list of adoptive parents for children from Russia and the list for education and training of parents; the total number of mailing list recipients exceeds 3,100 people. Those who had not experienced post-adoption depression were particularly encouraged to participate in the survey. Of the 145 parents who responded, over 65% said they experienced depression after adoption. And only 8 people reported that social workers or adoption agencies warned them that such a syndrome even exists. 61% of all respondents confirmed that such training would be useful. nine0003

Why is post-adoption depression so common among adoptive parents? There are many concrete and understandable reasons. Most adoptive parents have spent literally years before adopting a child. Their unfulfilled hopes, dreams, and long waits can create unrealistic ideas about exactly how things will be when they become foster parents. And they are not ready for the disappointment they experience when reality contradicts their ideas about the child. Adoptive parents may feel guilty because of their feelings of ambivalence, dislike or irritation towards the adopted child. The belief that there will be instant attachment or "love at first sight" is often unrealistic. Love for a child is in many ways similar to love for a future life partner: initial infatuation and euphoria give way to a long and often difficult process of getting used to the daily presence of another person. According to many families that are part of the East European Adoption Fellowship, it often takes two to six months for a real feeling of affection to form. Without training and support, new adoptive mothers, experiencing depression, try to “bear it” without seeking any help. Many mothers worry that if they tell the adoption agency or social worker (whom they have been convincing for months or years of their excellent parenting qualities) that they are experiencing difficulties, then these same agencies and social workers will consider them to be bad parents and in the worst case scenario. events will take their adopted child away from them. As a consequence, the difficult situation worsens even more due to the lack of understanding and support. Adoptive parents are often completely deprived of the primary assistance from the family that mothers who have given birth on their own receive. In many cases, after going through years of disappointment due to infertility, family members do not understand why the adoptive mother does not feel completely happy and content now that she finally has what she has been wanting for so long. Rather than disappoint or confuse their family members, many adoptive mothers simply suffer in silence, feeling shame and guilt, feeling imperfect and selfish. nine0003

Our survey did not specify the gender of the respondents, but we assume that most of the questionnaires were completed by women. An unexplored but very important issue is post-adoption depression in fathers. Stress plays a major role in this issue, which we consider equally important. It is the adoptive fathers who have to go to work earlier, and they have an additional difficulty: to combine work and raising children.

While all of these problems affect all adoptive parents, our international community faces additional challenges that complicate the situation. Almost never do we adopt newborns. Among other things, we experience the loss of a child's life history and lost opportunities to form attachments. We see our children for a very short time before an adoption, and we often find unpleasant surprises about our children's past after the adoption has taken place. Older children are already mature individuals, some of them easily fit into our family, while others become a daily sharp reminder of our differences. We adopt children who have experienced an unimaginable amount of loss. We adopt children who have experienced the consequences of being raised outside the family, in an orphanage and completely neglected. Often we adopt children with hidden problems in learning, emotional, neurological sphere, with health problems. Often adopted children are attached only to one of the parents, then the other gets upset and disappointed. Add to all this the stress of moving to another country, the time difference, the difficulty of communicating with our older children and hosts, lack of sleep and culture shock. This situation creates all the prerequisites for frustration, feelings of helplessness and anxiety, which is an excellent set for the onset of depression. nine0003

When I analyzed data on the duration of depression after adoption , a very disturbing picture emerged. While mild postpartum depression lasts a very short time (less than two weeks), 77% of those surveyed who experienced depression after adoption suffered from its manifestations from two months to more than a year, of which 45% - six months or more. 85% of those who had depression reported that it affected their health in one way or another (significant weight loss/gain followed by sleep disturbances and headaches). 70% felt that the post-adoption depression syndrome interfered with the smooth entry of adopted children into the family and building relationships. Clearly, post-adoption depression is an important, multi-faceted issue that needs to be recognized, better understood, and certainly needs to be counseled and supported by all members of the adoption community! nine0003

How to survive the bad weather

Knowing that there is a high risk of depression after adoption can help you prepare for it if you are among those who experience it. The preparation may include discussion with the initial caregiver as well as with your child's future pediatrician. Make sure your agency is aware of the post-adoption depression syndrome and that they are aware of the growth and prevalence of this problem. They should be ready to support you if you need help. nine0003

If you have had depression before, you are at greater risk. Make sure your psychologist is available to help if you need support in the form of medication or advice. Warn family members and spouse and tell them about it. Explain that you may need moral support just like families with newborns.

In their book on parenting, Dr. Bill and Martha Serz give some great advice for families dealing with postpartum depression that can also be applied to families with post-adoption depression. When you finally arrive home from traveling with a foster child (or children), make sure you have enough time to settle in. Skip hosting for a few weeks and don't feel guilty about doing so. An exception might be a family member or close friend who can help around the house and provide support so that the new small family has time to learn about each other and start building relationships. Before you travel, check with your employer about adoption benefits and the maternity leave policy. Take advantage of the maximum time allowed before you go to work. Make sure you get enough sleep and exercise. Fresh air and a walk can do wonders for helping with mild depression. Take your child for a walk - this is one of the best and simple joys of life, which will bring pleasure to both you and the child, and will positively affect the establishment of relationships. If you are alone or your husband cannot look after the child while you are on vacation, arrange for a nanny who will come when you sleep, go on business or just take care of yourself. nine0003

A new role as a parent often means a deterioration in doing other things. Don't let yourself feel guilty about not doing your housework perfectly or not feeling the urge to cook your usual delicious meals. Postpone most of the things until you get comfortable. If you foresee that leaving things for a while will make you very anxious, find someone who can replace you in housework and household chores. Stock up on good frozen food to make meal prep easier. nine0003

If you are married, one of the most important changes that comes in your life with the arrival of a child is a change in your relationship with your spouse. Be prepared for this change and, to reduce the negative impact, set aside special time that you will spend together without a foster child. This is a key condition for successful parenting, important for both of you and for the child. Your strong, secure relationship with each other is one of the greatest gifts you can give your adopted child. If you managed to create a strong and happy family before adoption, spare no effort to unite and save it. nine0003

Preparing for depression after adoption is the key to enduring it and reducing its duration. Accept that adoption carries some risk. Be prepared for the surprises, disappointments, and difficulties with an adopted child as part of an international adoption. Rejoice if none of this happens! Attend as many parenting classes as possible before the foster child comes to you. Prepare to be the parent-therapist. The emergence of kindred feelings and affection is a slow process. Learn to be patient and make time for one-on-one time with your child to strengthen the relationship and attachment. Your journey as an adopter does not end the day you bring your child home. In fact, this day is only the beginning. Get ready for the emotional ups and downs you had before adoption to continue for at least another year. If you have adopted a child with serious disabilities, be prepared that this period will last two years! Ask for help. Be honest with your caseworker and adoption agency. If you have problems, let them know! You may be pleasantly surprised by their willingness to help, but if they don't know you're having a hard time, they won't be able to help. Join a support group. Thousands of people are ready to help and support. Make time for yourself, your spouse, and your own children. Reduce social and workload for as long as possible. Reach out to family and friends for support. Accept your limitations and don't be afraid to make mistakes. We learn from mistakes. If the post-adoption situation is particularly difficult, remember to tell yourself every day that tomorrow will be better, because maybe it will. nine0003

Most importantly, remember that your feelings are a normal reaction to stress, that you are not alone, and that you will be helped through this difficult phase after adoption.

Signs of depression

Criteria for diagnosis (from the Handbook of Diagnostics and Statistics of Mental Disorders)

Having five or more signs in two weeks:

✓ Daily depressed mood for most of the day (feelings of sadness, emptiness or tearfulness) or feeling exceptionally irritable.

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