Do narcissists forget you
Do Narcissists Forget You | THE SCG SHOW
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Do Narcissists Forget You
Do narcissists forget you?
Find out if an obsession with oneself has an impact on a narcissist’s ability to remember those around them, or if they are too focused on themselves!
Narcissistic relationships are extremely draining on our health mentally and physically, and it is important to realize the safest and best way to get out.
But once you ARE out do they actually forget about you?
“Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders.”
No Narcissists don’t forget anyone, they just replace you with new supply aka somebody else because they are just bored of you.
There is a big difference between forgetting someone and not wanting someone back though.
For me and based on my experiences throughout my life Narcissists do not forget you.
However some show they have, and most show they haven’t.
I have said this plenty of times but Narcissists are no different to adult spoilt children.
They always want what they cannot have, and when they DO finally get what they want, they immediately discard it when they get bored.
Luckily for me I have both discarded and been discarded by plenty of Narcissists in my life from colleagues, to friends, and romantic partners.
I will first discuss what happens when YOU discard a Narcissist.
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#1 – After You Discard the Narcissist
Discarding a Narcissist is a very difficult thing to do, because they have most likely had a very large impact on your life.
So to suddenly go no contact after seeing the mask slip or building up the courage to do so is no easy feat, but a vitally important step in your massive recovery.
When someone discards a Narcissist, it causes the mother of all Narcissistic injuries, aka rejection.
It’s what they fear more than anything, and if you have built up the strength to do so, they won’t like it one bit.
And what will happen in their mind is you will become an obsession to them, especially if you have blocked them, moved away, or completely cut them off.
You were their drug, their supply, and they fed off your being because Narcissists are energy vampires sucking the sheer life and soul out of your very being.
And for them to suddenly not have that, like the drug addict sends them into a spiral of madness.
Narcissists are usually control freaks, so you have taken away their power and all forms of control by walking away and never speaking to them or seeing them again.
They do not know how to handle it, and they will hoover and smear you just to grab your attention.
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#2 – They Will Hoover and Smear You
But if you are strong and smart enough, you won’t lower yourself to this miserable tactic, and you are fully focused on your recovery.
So that’s the kicker, you are most likely self-reflecting and healing.
They however, are focused on revenge, and somehow getting you back, only to cause you more abuse in the long run.
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#3 – Do Not Fall For Their Mind Games
A Narcissist will never forget the “one that got away,” aka the shiny toy they had but never appreciated.
It will also never cross their mind that they had anything to blame for in leading to their discard.
They will always blame you to their friends, family and themselves, and constantly paint themselves out to be the victims.
That’s why they won’t forget you, because ultimately you are the enemy, and it actually makes you extremely attractive to them.
Don’t see that as a positive, it’s just human nature for these individuals, they are toxic people who just want what they cannot have.
Therefore you will always be on their mind, it’s extremely hard for them to forget you.
And funnily enough they will actually in their own sick way respect you for standing up to them, and putting up boundaries.
Do not fall for it, please.
Whilst you are healing and reflecting, they are plotting.
Even if they are with somebody else too, it’s ultimately a tool to rub in your face that they are so happy without you and try to grab your attention.
It’s a game to them, do not play it, and never participate.
What usually happens on the flip side when a Narcissist discards you is the same thing.
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#4 – When the Narcissist Discards You
They have made their mind up that they are simply bored with their toy (aka you), and want something new and shiny to play with.
So they move on pretty quickly or are not too far away from obtaining new supply either.
All of this is to show off, and rub it in your face inadvertedly that they are better without you.
For me, all my Narcissist ex-girlfriends hated their ex boyfriends.
They would describe them as “weak, pathetic,” and far worse names I would not like to share.
However, when I discarded them due to their Narcissistic personality traits or vice versa, I was given the same smear campaign, literally word for word.
Now this can hurt to hear or read, but ask yourself the following question;
“Why should you care?”
You are free of the evil clutches of a Narcissist that never loved you or gave you’re the emotional support that you were desperate for or deserved.
So why bother yourself with regards to their smear campaign?
You must take the higher ground and be the adult in all of this disgraceful behaviour.
It is all a tactic to get you to respond, to react, which is what they did to you constantly in the devaluation phase of your relationships.
Rise above it, focus on healing.
#5 – How to Heal From the Narcissist
Read books, watch videos, reach out to others and educate yourself on the subject of Narcissism.
By doing this you are going to be able to have enough experience and confidence to identify such toxic individuals straight away in the future, so you won’t make the same mistake again.
And as you are healing and reflecting, they are still plotting on how to get revenge on you.
#6 – The Narcissist Wants to Hurt You
They want you to feel bad, and they want to you to feel jealous.
Because they see the world through the eyes of an entitled spoilt child.
They will not forget the ones who caused them the biggest Narcissistic injury of all, the ones who moved on to a better happier and healthier life without them in it.
Even if they discarded you, if you do not chase them, go no contact, and ultimately heal and move on they will never get over you nor forget you.
There will be constant reminders of your relationship, friendship, and times together for them to.
Remember their new supply is a weapon to throw in your face, but hopefully you are not stalking their social media or whatever knowing what they are up to.
The Narcissist of your life should well and truly be in the past, and you need to forget about them.
Do not waste your time concerned whether they are thinking about you – they always will, now there is your answer – so now please try to move on with your life.
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Do Narcissists Quickly Forget Their Exes?
By Pacifique N. Daxton
When a narcissist breaks up with someone after a conflict or a fight, they usually cut all connections with that person and consider them non-existent. But does this mean that narcissists forget their exes quickly? The short answer is no.
In my article “why do narcissists seem to move on so quickly”, I said that one of the reasons why narcissists devalue and discard their relationship partner is to punish them and make them realize that they have lost someone valuable.
The narcissist’s goal is to show you that they have completely erased you from their mind in no time so that you feel worthless and start begging for their approval.
Narcissists are not so different from other people. They also get emotionally attached to their partner, and contrary to what some people believe, narcissists are capable of love. One of the reasons why narcissists don’t quickly forget their exes is because their mental stability greatly depends on their partner. In other words, they need someone to love them for them to feel worthy and important. “If my partner loves me then I’m attractive, and important”.
Narcissists usually get so attached to anything that makes them feel important and superior, (also called narcissistic supply). While they can have other sources of supply, such as their possessions, friends and fans, these can’t replace a relationship partner, simply because it’s only a relationship partner that can reassure them that they are attractive and lovable.
Now, when a narcissist discards their partner, they don’t completely lose them as a source of supply. If they are sure that their partner still loves them and wants to be with them, that’s enough to make them feel important, and lovable. They actually think about the good times they spent together and recall the good feelings they had with their ex and miss them. This brings us to another important question. Why don’t they simply go back to their exes if they can’t easily forget them?
When Narcissists Don’t go Back to Their Exes If They Need ThemActually, narcissists are more likely than not to go back to their exes after a breakup. When you hurt a narcissist in one way or another, they usually devalue you and consider you worthless. This is a defense mechanism that helps them feel less bad. For example, if you ignore them, they will devalue you and consider you worthless. Being ignored by a worthless person will hurt you less than being ignored than an important person, right? That’s how narcissists think.
However, this devaluation doesn’t last long.
When the conflict or fight you had with them is solved, then the narcissist will automatically start seeing you as a valuable person again and they will try to attract you back. See: why do narcissists hoover?
Does a Rebound Relationship Help a Narcissist Forget Their ExYou may be wondering if narcissists can simply find someone else who will fulfil their need for attention, love and affection and forget about their ex. As I said, narcissists are not very different from other people. While they can get into a rebound relationship, forgetting their ex that they were attached to and moving on is just as hard as it is for normal people.
The reason why a rebound relationship doesn’t help them forget their ex, is because they randomly select a new partner without considering if the new partner will be a good narcissistic supply or not. These rebound relationships are likely to end after a short period of time as soon as the narcissist or the partner realizes they made a wrong choice.
In fact, narcissists seek rebound relationships in order to forget their ex, not because they truly love their new partner.
Some narcissists are so abusive in relationships and this article is not by any means meant to encourage you to go back to an abusive relationship with a narcissist. In the article “how to get a narcissist back” I said that you should only consider getting a narcissist back only if there was no abuse in your relationship and if you are sure that you can have a healthy relationship with them. In my book “manipulating the manipulator” I explained how you can become more attractive in your ex’s eyes again and get them back if you want to.
They only think about themselves: why do narcissists have a bad memory
People with narcissistic traits have a hard time remembering the names of new acquaintances and other information due to the fact that they pay too much attention to their person, Canadian scientists report.
Although this complicates social interaction, and the narcissists themselves are unhappy when their names are forgotten, they are not able to put themselves in the place of the interlocutor and understand that he might be offended, so they do not seek to fight the problem.
Memorizing the names of new people, especially when meeting several at once, can be difficult. In these cases, many come up with associations associated with certain features of appearance, or look for some other ways. People with pronounced narcissistic traits remember the names and faces of new acquaintances the worst, researchers from McEwan University in Canada found. They talked about this in an article in the Journal of Personality .
After reviewing earlier studies, scientists have noticed that narcissists' self-obsession affects what and how they remember. Daffodils, the authors write,
"selectively pay attention to positive information that is about themselves and stimulates their ego.
.. Lack of concern for other people causes narcissists to process information about others worse."
One would assume that narcissists should be good at remembering names and faces, because this allows them to better form social bonds. However, in reality, narcissists pay so much attention to themselves that it simply does not remain for others.
In the first part of the study, researchers tested 332 volunteers on their ability to remember and recognize both people and inanimate objects such as houses or phones. Sometimes they added pictures of cars to see if the daffodils would pay more attention to them as symbols of material success. Participants who had more pronounced narcissistic traits were worse at recognizing both people and objects, including cars - obviously, it was not a bad memory for faces, but difficulties with remembering new information in general.
Then the scientists decided to test the extent to which the ability to remember is affected by the interest of narcissists in their own person.
In the next experiment, participants watched an online lecture while simultaneously seeing their own face through a webcam, similar to when calling via Zoom. The volunteers did not know what the experiment was about - they were told that it was a test of the effectiveness of educational technologies.
"A strong focus on the self, including attention to one's appearance, is a defining feature of narcissism," the researchers explain.
The researchers monitored the participants' eye movements during the lecture and also tested how well the participants remembered the content.
One's own face on the screen can be a distraction for many - people start thinking about how they look, fixing their hair, pulling down their clothes. This happened to the study participants as well. In accordance with the forecast of scientists, those who had more narcissistic traits considered themselves more often and remembered lecture material worse.
Thus, scientists conclude, narcissists cannot remember the names and faces of new acquaintances, because they are too focused on their own person and simply ignore everything that happens around them.
In addition, people with pronounced narcissism have reduced empathy, which makes it difficult to establish emotional connections with others. Narcissists do not like it if someone forgets their name, but at the same time they cannot put themselves in someone else's shoes and understand that it can be unpleasant for others too.
Perhaps, under certain circumstances, narcissists are able to remember names or important events for others. They may make an effort if they feel that it will enable them to advance in some way. But if at the same time they think too much about achieving their goals, excessive self-absorption will continue to hinder them.
Just because someone has trouble remembering names doesn't necessarily mean they're a narcissist, the researchers note.
Names can get out of the head if a person is worried about new social contacts, he worries about what impression he makes on others. In order to remember something, you must first pay attention to it, and experiences can prevent you from doing this.
People who are faced with the fact that someone has forgotten their name, the researchers advise not to be upset. Usually in such situations, it seems to a person that something is wrong with him, that he is not remarkable enough to be remembered. But, as a rule, in this case, the point is not in the person himself, but in his interlocutor - he forgets not because of the lack of outstanding features in a new acquaintance, but because of a fixation on himself or excessive excitement. Therefore, do not worry or be offended - it is better to just introduce yourself again.
The main sign of a narcissist that everyone seems to forget about
Most people think of a narcissist primarily as a selfish and narcissistic person. This is why I hate the word "narcissist". Because its original meaning does not correspond to what we understand by "narcissism." Describing a narcissist simply as a "narcissist" is like saying that a cancerous tumor is something like a runny nose.
To reduce the concept of narcissism to a single sign is to completely distort its essence. Any victim of narcissistic abuse will tell you this. The simplistic definition of narcissism as narcissism irritates those who are well aware of the terrible consequences of narcissistic behavior for its victims. After all, those of us who have been crushed by a relationship with a narcissist are well aware that a narcissist is not the kind of guy who constantly slaps duckface selfies on Facebook and Instagram.
But what is most surprising is this. Narcissism (narcissistic personality disorder) is an epidemic scale problem (like oncology, for example), and a lot of research should be devoted to it, special programs should be developed to inform the population. But none of this! Even when I worked at a domestic violence shelter, we weren't told anything about narcissism and narcissistic abuse.
I can't get my head around it!
I myself did not fully understand the essence of narcissism until I got into a serious relationship with two different covert narcissists twice in five years.
I went through hellish torments, trying to understand what it was? But even the therapist whose client I was at that time never used the terms narcissist and sociopath. And of course, when I started using the word "narcissist" to describe my ex's personality, people didn't understand me! How else to describe a person who is not only narcissistic - he lies, manipulates, steals, cheats and generally behaves like a lunatic.
The main sign of a narcissist, which no one seems to talk about, is that his destructiveness is CONSCIOUS. The narcissist doesn't care about anyone. He is not worried about how his behavior will affect other people. He just wants to get what he wants.
The narcissist is destructive because he needs as many narcissistic resource providers as possible to satisfy his insatiable ego. (Suppliers are people who can provide the narcissist with food, clothing, shelter, sex, money, positively influence his reputation, or advance him up the social ladder.)
The narcissist needs suppliers like a heroin addict: he will do anything to get a dose.
The search for a supplier is also extremely destructive: the narcissist lies, slanders, manipulates, steals - he is ready to do anything to get what he wants. Just like a drug addict, he is dangerous for everyone: for his wife, parents, colleagues, and even (and very often!) his children.
By his behavior, the narcissist destroys families - not only physically (divorce), but also emotionally, psychologically, and often financially too. The narcissist has no empathy, no conscience, and no remorse.
I often get e-mails from people who are trying to understand: how did it happen that such a loving and caring person suddenly, suddenly, as if by magic, became so angry, arrogant, boorish and mean? It is very difficult to grasp the essence of a narcissist - and I have completely gone through it too. Narcissistic destructiveness is multi-level, and until a person goes through all the levels to the end, he will not be able to understand the essence of narcissism.
… And the second most common comment I get by e-mail starts with something like “I didn't even know such people existed in the world…” Yes.
I didn't know either. After all, we are taught from childhood that there are no monsters, but in fact, daffodils are much worse than fairy-tale villains. They pretend to be charming until they are sure that they have you at their disposal.
Narcissists often choose the most successful people as their victims, only to bring them down as low as possible. At first, when this happened to me, I could not understand: well, okay, he is acting treacherous and destructive, but all this ... is completely pointless! In the end, at first I did not want to enter into a serious relationship at all. I just got divorced and I needed a break. For the time being, I even convinced him that there were other people besides me who could be noticed, but he did not want to hear anything about it. He only wanted to be me. ... And no one else. So he said.
In general, when I found out that he was deceiving me, I could not understand the meaning of this lie, because sooner or later I would have found out about his betrayals anyway.
Perhaps he thought that his demonstrative illusory "fidelity" would induce me to love him (which, in general, happened later), or that the appearance of constant monogamous relationships would be a good cover for his scattered sex life. Or maybe he hoped to lift me up as high as possible so that he could enjoy my humiliation at the overthrow. Or maybe - and even more likely, as I understand now, typing these lines - he wanted me to finance his business, and his demonstrative preference for me over others should have been additional confirmation of our partnership to lead me to the idea of marriage, which will raise his social position to the level of a business owner, bypassing the risks that those who start a business using borrowed funds bear.
I don't know if he feigned loyalty for one or more of the reasons listed, or perhaps none of them. I will never know what was in his head. What I am sure of for sure: he is a destructive person and I hope that I will never see him again.
The truth is that the behavior of the narcissist looks inconsistent, meaningless and stupid because it is inconsistent, meaningless and stupid. They like to exercise power and control over the situation and over our emotions. This is why the narcissist may come home and demand a divorce out of the blue — right after you have reconciled and re-established a close relationship. That's why they empty your bank accounts or borrow tons of money without you knowing, and then just leave your city - even after accidentally winning the lottery or receiving a hefty inheritance.
He does this because he has the ability to do it, and, to some extent, because he likes to watch you suffer. Yes, yes, you heard right! Narcissists enjoy our suffering. The more you suffer, the more significant person he feels. The stronger our reaction, the stronger the feeding of his ego.
Note that any emotional response you show, positive or negative, is his victory. That's how he creates a win-win game for himself! Unfortunately, the victim does not understand that he is in the game until the mask of social well-being slips off the narcissist, and he sees firsthand the complete lack of compassion and remorse - in all its ugliness.
