Divorcing a friend

Divorcing A Friend (Because Adult Friendships Are Tough AF) — Now Let's Get Going x Ayoka Apothecary

Maintaining friendships isn't easy - we all know that. But doesn't it seem like we all have friendships that are little more exhausting than others? Gone are the friendship- bracelet making- talking on the phone all night days of junior high. Adult friendships are a whole 'nother ball game. It takes killer communication skills and time management savvy to pull off long-lasting friendships.

Some of you probably read this headline and immediately knew who you wanted to file against. Or maybe some of you wanted to make sure you weren't the ones being served the papers. No matter where you fall in this divide, we can ALL agree that keeping the friends you've happened to make as an adult is an immense balancing act. And some people are better at it than others.

There are a few patterns and actions that make up a bad friend. Granted, a lot of these issues can be discussed in a good meditation session before pulling the plug, but if the person(s) you're thinking of, has all of these qualities it might be time to think about a separation or divorce.

Shade throwing

There is literally nothing worse than a Shady Sadie. They're the person in your friend group who is determined to lower the mood by relentlessly, yet so casually, throwing shade at everyone and everything. I mean nothing is off limits for these kinds of "friends". They relish in re-telling embarrassing stories from your past and insulting your intelligence while wielding a false sense of concern. Hiding behind a so-called veil of honesty, this shade thrower, this ego deflator is probably banking on the fact that you won't confront them. You deserve a group of friends that are both positive and uplifting. So if you feel attacked or embarrassed every time you're with this friend, divorce is totally the best option.

Their Problems Are Bigger Than Yours

This phenomenon is also known as the one-sided conversation. And the conversation always starts the same way. You barely get a chance to say hello before they are launching into a long-winded negative story about their day. They stop to ask for advice that they will never implement before launching into the next dramatic topic - all the while they never once asked you about your day or how you were. Now, it's easy to get sidetracked with life, and part of being a good friend is being there for the rant sessions. But if weeks go by and they haven't asked you about your life, it might be time to address this issue. A good friend is more than someone you just talk at. If you talk to them about this and they still continue this behavior, it's a sign of deep-rooted centeredness and it's time for you to bounce.

You Are Their Last Priority

Trying to hack the work-life balance equation is far more complex than we give it credit for. Work is hard enough but let's talk about life. "Life" involves fitness and finances and romance and family and are you dizzy yet because I am. The best way to show someone you care is by taking time out of a whirlwind schedule to catch up or hang out. Even if it's once week for an hour or two - this will go miles in a friendship. But if every time you call that friend for a kiki, they are going here and hanging out there and you don't see them unless you happen to be going to the same place - that's a bad sign. Friends make time for friends. Full stop signed sealed delivered. Even if it's not in person, a simple check-up-text or this made me think of you Instagram mention, is the least a friend can do.

They're Not Honest With You

My best friends help me keep it real. They give me a point of view that helps me make a sound decision, especially when I'm feeling particularly high key (And I have a tendency to be high key). They're the second set of eyes on a situation that I'm too close to call myself. The advice isn't always pretty - hell sometimes it's downright harsh - but it's something that needs to be said so that I can move forward. If your good friends can't keep it real with you, then maybe they're not good friends. And that goes the other way as well. Think about the last bit of advice a good friend gave you. Did they listen to you before giving the advice? Do you feel like it came from a good non-judgey place? In fact, before you answer those questions answer this: Would you go to this person for advice in the first place? If you're shaking your head to any of those questions that's a major red flag.

So What Do you do Now?

Let's get existential for a hot minute. Are you a good friend (gasp! #PlotTwist I know)? Are you expecting friendship that you are not coming anywhere close to giving yourself? Before you determine what to do about the state of your friendships, take time to self-reflect. Make sure you yourself are not falling into any of these bad friend pitfalls before confronting a friend. If you check out, then let's get real about fixing the issues.

I like to think of these points like a checklist. If you have a friend that each of these items describes perfectly then you have a bad friend on your hands and you need to get out of this friendship immediately. If you feel the need to talk with them and explain it for the sake of closure, do so. However, don't feel bad about ghosting this friendship. It may feel terrible at first, but remember you deserve positivity and harmony in your life.

If they are only guilty of one or two things, then it's time for mediation. Sit them down and tell them how you feel. Don't invite a whole bunch of people over brunch and lay into them a la the Real Housewives of your respected city. One on one, sit down and be honest about the state of your friendship, how important it is to you to see it rehabilitated, and how you think it can improve. Granted, this may not go exactly the way you want - it never does. But it shouldn't stop you from trying to salvage a friendship.

Friendships are some of the most meaningful relationships you will have in this lifetime. So work on them, cry about them, and above all, cherish them.

11 Ways to Support Your Friend Through Their Divorce

Of course divorce can be destabilizing, even if the split was Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin-levels of amicable, and reasons for the split were seemingly benign. And if you're watching a loved one cycle through the typical emotions associated with this trying chapter—grief, fear, anger, and frustration—not to mention lengthy legal proceedings, it's easy to feel helpless or concerned that you'll say the wrong thing.

The words, "Don't worry, you're better off without them," don't always cut it—or even come close to soothing a very complicated situation. And, while gifting them a book on divorce that could say it better than you can yourself, is a place to start, it may not speak to what they're going through, specifically. Also, urging them to "get back out there" right away might not be the best tact, either. What matters most, however, is that you try, according to experts, who share their tips here on how to support friends and family who are going through a divorce.

Keep inviting them out, even if they often decline.

“Many people report that once they're divorced, they are ‘outed’ from the marital friend group,” says licensed clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, PhD, author of Should I Stay or Should I Go? Not only that, your loved one may be lonely.

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“People who were used to spending time with their ex or with their family on a regular basis can find it unsettling when they're suddenly alone instead,” says David Klow, licensed family therapist and author of You Are Not Crazy: Letters From Your Therapist. Even if they can't quite muster the energy to socialize, continue to include them in plans so they stay connected, or at the very least, feel wanted.

If they’re moving, help them pack.

Another crummy downside of divorce: relocating. “Tasks like packing for a move can be hot button triggers for many difficult emotions,” says Manhattan-based licensed clinical psychologist Joseph Cilona, PsyD.

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The simple act of putting old sweaters in a box can represent the deeper losses and pain commonly experienced by those going through divorce, he adds. You being there to help them sort through their things and do some pre-move Marie Kondo-ing, can provide much-needed distraction and comfort.

Just listen.

Yes, you’re probably going to talk in circles for a while, but know this: It’s actually really helpful. “Let your friend talk it out,” Durvasula says. “It may start to sound repetitive, and that's okay. That's how we off-load grief.”

Most people don't need advice. They need to know they're not alone.

Don’t feel pressure to have the answers, either. “Most people don't need advice during a divorce, they just need to know that they're not alone and that people care,” Klow says.

However tempting, don’t trash their ex.

This one is tricky, especially if they’re bashing their former spouse. But try to resist the urge to join in. “Oftentimes emotions can vacillate quickly, frequently, and intensely,” Cilona explains. “One day your friend might be feeling and saying aggressively negative things; another day quite the opposite.”

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If you do end up adding your err, two cents, your friend might not feel comfortable sharing with you if their sentiments change to something more positive. “Instead, focus on listening and validating your friend's emotions without emphasizing your own judgments or opinions,” Cilona says.

Help out with partner-like things.

That means offering to watch their kids when they need to go to the doctor, dog sitting when they travel for work, or suggesting you'll pick up groceries when you’re already going to be at the store. Basically, try to help with the things that their ex theoretically would have done in the past. “Filling in—or at least trying to—will help them remember that even though they lost their spouse, they still have a partner,” Klow says.

Show up with a meal.

Cooking dinner can be a chore under the best of circumstances, but doing it after a divorce is often a painful reminder that there will be one less person at the table. So, prep something for your loved one and drop it off at their place.

When in doubt, bring over a pizza.

“Food goes a long way towards saying that you care during a time of loss and transition,” Klow says. (By the way: Takeout also works if cooking isn’t exactly your forte. )

And maybe even some laundry detergent.

Hear us out. While folding their socks might be beyond your BFF-depths, helping your divorced friend means giving them as much routine and support as possible, Durvasula says.

Don’t press for details.

Checking in to see if your friend wants to talk is helpful, Cilona says. Pumping them for details isn’t. “If you're met with resistance, avoid putting pressure of any kind on your friend to talk,” he says. You’ll also want to avoid mentioning anything that suggests you’re judging their preference to keep quiet, he adds. Everyone copes with grief differently, and your friend just may not be ready to open up yet. Or, they may prefer a distraction. So if they're not particularly chatty, send them an Oprah meme, or an uplifting video.

Be accepting of their dating life.

It’s tempting to want to fix them up with someone great you know, or to raise an eyebrow if they start dating again right away. But whatever their choice, it’s important that you back them up.

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“Oftentimes friends want to help solve a divorced person's love life,” Klow says. “Instead of offering them advice on what to do, it can help instead to let them know that you're here for them and that you care about their wellbeing.” And you're willing to take them out for a glass (or three) of wine if and when they're ready to discuss any dates they've been on.

Ask what they need.

You know your loved one well, but they probably have needs right now that you haven’t thought of. So, ask. “Although there are common feelings associated with the challenges of divorce, the experience can obviously vary,” Cilona says. “One of the best ways to help is to be direct and ask specifically and frequently what helps and what doesn't.”

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That can even mean asking if they felt that the meal you brought over was helpful. “Let them know that you won't be hurt or insulted or think they are unappreciative if they don't find something useful,” Cilona says. “Be clear that supporting them is your top priority.”

Be there for the long-term, not just until the dust settles.

This is a huge one, Klow says: “People often get attention when they're first breaking up. Yet over time, they end up feeling alone."

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Ultimately, you can’t fix the underlying problem. But you can show up and keep showing up—and that can make all the difference to someone going through a divorce.

Korin Miller

Korin Miller is a freelance writer specializing in general wellness, sexual health and relationships, and lifestyle trends, with work appearing in Men’s Health, Women’s Health, Self, Glamour, and more. She has a master’s degree from American University, lives by the beach, and hopes to own a teacup pig and taco truck one day.

This content is imported from OpenWeb. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

How to get a divorce in another city without a residence permit or registration

Divorce proceedings in the Russian Federation are divided into 2 types: by mutual agreement in the registry office, or in court. But how to get a divorce in another city, where one or both spouses do not have a residence permit? The conditions under which the state is ready to terminate the existence of the family have several distinctive features.

Divorce in the registry office

If the spouses have a common motivation for divorce, they do not have common children, property and mutual claims - it is enough to submit a joint application to the registry office located at the place of residence of at least one of the spouses. If the registration of the second spouse, like himself, is in another region, this will not become an obstacle for divorce. But:

If the spouses are not able to appear at the registry office at the same time to submit an application, they can do it one by one. In this case, the absent spouse must have a good reason for the absence.
If a spouse who does not have a residence permit in the region , located in another city, has no opportunity to appear at the registry office, he is free to submit an application with his signature, as well as with a notary's seal certifying it.,

After waiting for a month, former family members are issued certificates of divorce, one copy for each. After all the procedures, in order to change the surname and obtain stamps in the passports, the spouses will need to contact the FMS departments at the place of residence within another 1 month. How long does a temporary registration take? nine0003

Judicial divorce

How to get a divorce outside the place of registration in a judicial proceeding? Judicial practice in Russia provides for filing a divorce suit at the place of residence of the defendant. There are also several exceptions that allow relief in this regard:

If the defendant is in another city, and the plaintiff is unable to visit his region, it is possible to file a claim at the place of residence of the applicant.
If the defendant lives not only without registration, but also at an unknown address, the court summons is sent to the previously known address. nine0012
If the defendant lives in another city, and the plaintiff has dependent minors or disabled children, the claim is also filed at the address of the latter.

Divorce is carried out in accordance with the Family Code of the Russian Federation http://www.consultant.ru/document/cons_doc_Law_8982/

In any case, according to the letter of the law, divorce must take place at the place of residence of at least one of the spouses. If neither of the spouses is registered, divorce will not work. Having no other options, spouses can acquire at least temporary registration for the implementation of the divorce proceedings. nine0003

It will be of interest to you:

Free legal advice

How to find out registration

How to remove registration

How to find out registration
How to remove a residence permit

How to file for divorce in another city: without a residence permit, a sample application.

Divorce

06/22/2021 06/22/2021

Former spouses often disperse to different houses and even cities after parting without registering officially your breakup. If there is a need to obtain documentary evidence of the end of family relations, then you can submit for a divorce in another city. This possibility exists and is defined by legislative acts. nine0003

Contents:

1 Divorce through the registry office.
2 Divorce through the court.
3 How to get a divorce without a residence permit.
4 Sample application for divorce.
5 Deadline for obtaining a divorce certificate.
6 Conclusion.
- 6.1 Similar items

Divorce through the registry office.

You can contact the registry office if the couple has no claims against each other and minor children.

If both parties express their voluntary consent, then it is enough for them to submit a request for this to the institution where the registration was carried out, or at the place of residence. nine0003

For divorce through the registry office, the presence of both parties is required. In the case when the husband or wife is in a remote locality, they can submit a completed application, confirmed in a notary's office.

Divorce in another city is stamped by the Federal Migration Service after receiving documentary confirmation of the termination of the relationship.

Divorce through the court.

If one of the parties does not agree to divorce or there are minor children, then the divorce is formalized through the court. It must be located at the place of residence of the plaintiff or defendant. nine0003

Divorce proceedings can be initiated by filing an application according to the established model. The requirements for the document are described in Art. 131 of the Code of Civil Procedure.

There must be two parties involved in a lawsuit. The spouse who filed the application is considered the plaintiff, the second - the defendant. Both of them must be present at the meeting.

If one of them lives in another city or region and is unable to appear in court, then the following must be done:

The plaintiff makes a motion to consider the case without his presence.
The Respondent may submit an application for withdrawal of the claim if he does not agree with it. Otherwise, he also submits a motion to hold meetings without his personal presence.

In the courtroom, be present and authorized representatives of the plaintiff or defendant. In this case, personal the presence of both parties is not required, you will need to issue a notary power of attorney to do business.

If one of the spouses presents evidence that he cannot attend the court in the locality where the application was submitted, for good reasons (care for relatives, health status), the dissolution of the marriage will be executed at his place of residence.

How to get a divorce without a residence permit.

It will be more difficult to file a divorce in another city without a residence permit. According to legislative acts, the dissolution of a marriage is carried out in the same registry office where relationship was registered or at the place of permanent residence one of the spouses. nine0003

You can file a claim with the court only at the defendant's registration (Article 28 of the Code of Civil Procedure). As an exception, the judiciary will consider the case on the residence of the plaintiff, but if there are serious grounds.

Thus, you can get a divorce only if you register (even temporarily) or return to your old place of residence to apply.

If both options are not feasible, the spouse initiating the divorce may have a lawyer represent him in court. nine0003

For divorce in another city, you can perform the following actions:

take forms at the local registry office and fill them out;
documents must be certified by a notary;
paper send by registered mail through the post office to the office where relationships were recorded.

Documents must be completed by both parties. At the same time, you can get a certificate of divorce in another city if you file a petition for this with the registry office at the place of residence. nine0003

But the service will be provided much longer than in the organization where the divorce is processed. In this case, you will need to wait until the document is sent and received at the required branch.

Sample application for divorce.

For filing a divorce you must fill out an application containing the following information:

data on plaintiff and defendant;
information about marriage registration;
motives for termination of relations; nine0012
legal the basics of divorce;
presence or absence of minor children, property disputes;
requirements for the second side;
application list.

Application the following documents are attached:

marriage certificate;
copies of passports of both parties;
information about minor common children;
receipts for payment of state duty.

When applying to the court, the state fee is 600 rubles. If the relationship is terminated through the registry office, then you will need to pay 650 rubles. nine0003
The Family Code provides for situations where only one party can apply for a divorce at the registry office. In this case, the state duty will be only 350 rubles.

The lack of registration at the place of residence complicates the application to the registry office or the court for a divorce. But when filing an application or claim, it is not necessary to indicate information from the stamp in the passport.

Documents will be sent to the address that will be in the document (for example, the date of the meetings), so you must correctly enter the information. The applicant is responsible for the accuracy of the information specified in the document. nine0003

Deadline for obtaining a certificate of divorce.

A divorce certificate can be obtained 30 days after the filing of documents, and the presence of only one of the spouses is sufficient.

Learn more

Divorcing a friend