Couple therapy techniques

25 Best Couples Therapy Techniques to Try in 2022

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Healthline only shows you brands and products that we stand behind.

Our team thoroughly researches and evaluates the recommendations we make on our site. To establish that the product manufacturers addressed safety and efficacy standards, we:

Evaluate ingredients and composition: Do they have the potential to cause harm?
Fact-check all health claims: Do they align with the current body of scientific evidence?
Assess the brand: Does it operate with integrity and adhere to industry best practices?

We do the research so you can find trusted products for your health and wellness.

1. Reflective listening

“Reflective listening is a highly beneficial exercise where the couple take turns being active listeners,” says Laura Louis, a licensed psychologist at Atlanta Couple Therapy.

Use “I” phrases instead of “you” statements. For example, say “I feel hurt when you do [X]” instead of “You’re wrong for doing [X]. ”

“When couples take turns being active listeners, it boosts healthy communication skills as well as conflict resolution skills for the couple,” Louis says.

2. Emotionally focused therapy

Many therapists use a method called emotionally focused therapy (EFT), which has been shown to facilitate long lasting behavior changes.

The goal is for couples “to identify maladaptive patterns within the relationship that are interfering with secure bonds and attachments,” says Ansley Campbell, a clinical director at The Summit Wellness Group.

People “learn and utilize techniques to heal or create safe and secure attachments within the relationship,” she explains.

3. Narrative therapy

The practice of narrative therapy revolves around people describing their problems in narrative form and rewriting their stories. This can help them see that no single story can possibly encapsulate the totality of their experience.

“There will always be inconsistencies and contradictions,” says Sam Nabil, the CEO and lead therapist at Naya Clinics.

Narrative therapy may be helpful for couples who feel like their relationship is failing due to both of their faults. According to a 2016 study, it has even been shown to decrease conflict and increase cooperation among couples.

“These couples often believe that they’re subject to this romantic pitfall and emotional trauma because they have been a ‘failure’ from the start and it is what they ‘deserve,’” Nabil says.

4. Gottman Method

The Gottman Method is a popular method practiced among couples therapists. The technique is designed to help couples deepen their understanding of one another while managing conflict in their relationship. It may also help with other issues, such as intimacy and marital adjustment.

The Gottman Institute has more than 40 years of research under its belt. It provides live workshops and take-home training materials for couples, but many therapists have also trained using the Gottman Institute’s methods.

5. Imago relationship therapy

Imago relationship therapy, developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt in 1980, emphasizes the connection between adult relationships and childhood experiences.

By understanding childhood trauma, the therapy is aimed at making couples more empathetic and understanding of one another.

6. Solution-focused therapy

If you’re dealing with a particular issue, experiencing burnout, or trying to work toward a specific goal, solution-focused therapy is a model to consider.

According to the Institute for Solution-Focused Therapy, the practice is “a short-term goal-focused evidence-based therapeutic approach which helps clients change by constructing solutions rather than dwelling on problems.”

7. Get crafty

“Having a physically visible vision board can help remind you of your shared desires and goals for when you are having issues within the relationship,” Louis says.

She advises couples to get crafty by writing down goals and collecting pictures that embody their relationship desires.

“It’s a tangible reminder that a marriage is a work in progress, and that it takes hard work and time on both ends to create a strong, healthy, and long lasting relationship,” she says.

8. Find deeper topics to engage with

Get over surface-level conversations and ask your partner questions other than “What’s for dinner?”

Kelly Sinning, a Colorado-based licensed professional counselor, likes to give her clients the homework of simply talking with each other.

“Oftentimes, we get so busy and caught up in the day-to-day needs, we don’t realize that we stop having conversations about anything else,” she explains.

9. Express appreciation

Expressing gratitude and communicating what works in your relationship can help strengthen your appreciation for one another.

“Make it a habit of expressing appreciation daily through in-person conversations, texts, or a sticky note in a place your partner will find it,” suggests Meagan Prost, a licensed professional clinical counselor at Center for Heart Intelligence.

10. Identify your partner’s love language

Just because you’re in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you experience love in the same way.

“The 5 Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman helps couples identify what makes them feel loved, so they can show up for each other.

The five love languages are based on the idea that each person has a preferred way of receiving love:

receiving gifts
acts of service
words of affirmation
quality time
physical touch

Take this online quiz with your partner to discover your love language and better understand each other.

11. Schedule important conversations

Are you looking to have an important or difficult discussion with your partner? Take it from the experts: Serious talks are best when you have a plan.

“We often engage in conflict because the timing is wrong, and we aren’t in a frame of mind where we can thoughtfully engage in conversation,” says Alisha Powell, PhD, LCSW, with Amethyst Counseling and Consulting.

She recommends scheduling tough conversations in advance, so no one is caught off guard.

12. Pencil in one-on-one time

While life can feel hectic, don’t let outside pressures override time with your partner.

“Scheduling an hour of ‘couples time’ to get intimate is a great start. Scheduling an hour of time to focus on topics that will help improve the relationship can be done several times a week or once a week,” says Grazel Garcia, LMFT.

13. Fill your intimacy bucket

As a couple and as individuals, understand that you both have intimacy needs.

Garcia calls this the “intimacy bucket,” which includes the following types of intimacy:

intellectual
experiential
social
emotional
sexual

Spend time finding exercises in each bucket. For example, you can explore a new hobby together or socialize with mutual friends on a Zoom game night.

14. Practice partner yoga

Consider teaming up with your partner for couples yoga.

Partner yoga allows you to balance together with your partner, establishing and strengthening trust as you flow through tandem moves.

A 2016 study found an association between higher levels of mindfulness and higher levels of relationship satisfaction. By synchronizing your breathing, you’ll be one with your partner during your practice — and the benefits may even exceed your yoga class.

15. The 6-second kiss

Don’t knock this technique before you try it. Dr. John Gottman, the founder of the Gottman Institute, advocates for the 6-second kiss. It’s a way for couples to add a dash of romance seamlessly throughout the day.

The kiss is just long enough to be passionate while also acting as a distraction from the busyness of the day.

16. Show interest in each other’s day

When was the last time you asked your partner what they were most excited about for the day?

Spending a few moments discussing your partner’s agenda and goals will help support them and make them feel cared for in your relationship.

With her clients, Prost finds that “curiosity can help your partner feel connected to you.”

17. Share a list of things you want from your partner

Write down three things your partner could do weekly that would make you happy. Share your list with one another while looking in each other’s eyes.

The lists may not be something your partner can do every day, but a reminder of things they can manage to do once a week to help build trust and communication.

“The point is that we all show and need affection in different ways, and honoring those differences is essential to feeling heard and understood,” says Nyro Murphy, LCPC.

18. Use an icebreaker

You might remember icebreakers from summer camp or work seminars, but this go-to conversation-starting game may help reinvigorate your relationship and teach you something new about your partner.

Reintroduce yourself to your partner by setting time to discuss icebreaker questions that dig beneath the surface.

19. Connect through music

Remember the days of making your school crush the ultimate mixtape?

A 2011 study found that shared music preferences create stronger social bonds.

Feel the nostalgia and curate your own playlist of songs that remind you of your partner and the moments you’ve shared. Swap your playlists, and get a peek into each other’s romantic side.

20. Start a book club for two

Reading can allow you to share an experience together at your own pace. Alternate the responsibility of choosing a book that’s grabbed your attention, and set a date to discuss it over dinner.

21. Eye gazing

Initiating long-held eye contact with your partner may help you two feel a stronger connection.

Prolonged eye contact can help you recognize emotions, build trust, and increase intimacy.

A 2018 study associated eye gazing with “self-other merging,” reducing the boundary between yourself and the other person to feel unity.

As the saying goes, the eyes are the window to the soul, so why not give it a try?

22.

Practice gratitude

Gratitude has many benefits, including boosting well-being for yourself and your relationship.

A 2017 study found that sharing gratitude with your partner increases oxytocin, a hormone that helps calm you and decrease stress. Researchers in the study found that gratitude led to a “greater experienced love.”

At the end of each day, take time to share three things you’re grateful for with your partner.

23. Increase your cuddle time

There’s a reason why cuddling with your partner feels so good: Cuddling causes your body to release oxytocin and reduces cortisol, the stress hormone.

What’s more, according to research from 2018, interpersonal touch from your partner could act as a stress buffer and may help lower resting blood pressure. This means that, if you’re feeling warm and fuzzy, your body is doing its job.

24. Invest in a therapy workbook

Find a couples therapy workbook in a book store or online, and take time each week to go through assigned activities with your partner.

Hsueh recommends her clients read and answer the question prompts in “Hold Me Tight” by Dr. Sue Johnson.

Hsueh also recommends “The Couple Home Lasting Connection System,” a workbook filled with exercises designed to help couples connect in “deeper, more meaningful ways.”

25. Unplug from your devices

According to a 2014 report by the Pew Research Center, 25 percent of participants in a serious relationship say cellphones distract their partner when they’re alone together.

Known as phone snubbing (or “phubbing”), focusing on your phone instead of your partner in a social setting could negatively affect your relationship over time.

If distraction and a feeling of absenteeism is infiltrating your relationship, experiment with setting aside time to fully unplug and communicate with each other.

If you’re in need of a relationship refresh, counseling may be a great option for you.

No matter your situation, you can benefit from participating in couples therapy and acquiring a toolkit to deepen your connection with your loved one.

“The benefits to couples therapy are endless. The mere act of seeking couples therapy can be a demonstration of the significance and importance you place on your relationship,” says Nikki Young, LMFT.

“My goal in couples therapy is to teach couples how to navigate life together as a team, so that ultimately they say, ‘Hey, thanks for the support, but we got it from here,’” she adds.

The perks of couples therapy can include:

having a third-party mediator to help facilitate constructive conversations
finding new ways to communicate with your partner
decreasing distress and conflict within your relationship
being intentional with your time and words
setting time to dedicate to the improvement of your relationship
creating a safe, calm space in therapy to discuss difficult topics
practicing techniques to enhance emotional and physical intimacy
forming action plans to make your relationship a priority
identifying harmful or damaging patterns in your relationship and working around them
rebuilding trust with one another
establishing healthy boundaries in your relationship
having a therapist who can identify underlying issues and emotions you might not be aware exist
discovering and developing valuable skills to manage conflict
finding common ground and learning to relate to each other in a loving, kind way
feeling supported and listened to in your relationship
building skills to identify your needs and wants in a relationship

When it comes to committing to couples therapy, partners can start therapy for any reason that’s causing conflict, distress, or mistrust.

Couples may seek therapy to:

rebuild trust after infidelity or deceit
enhance physical and emotional intimacy if you’re feeling unsatisfied
overcome trauma
go through a transition together, like parenthood or a big move
navigate conflicting views on how to parent
help manage substance use disorder recovery for one or both partners
learn more about the relationship
gain stability when feeling lost in the busyness of life
get support when grieving the loss of a loved one
have fun within your relationship and reignite your spark
resolve conflict in a rational way
define the significance and seriousness of a relationship with the help of a third party
work through infertility
help with blended families and step-parenting
navigate career pressures and job changes
handle financial problems

“Oftentimes, couples wait to seek therapy until they have reached a point of crisis within their relationship. And while this is likely a fitting time to seek couples therapy, please consult with a provider to ensure couples counseling is the right avenue of support,” Young says.

But in dangerous or dire situations, mental health professionals may advise another path.

“There are times when couples therapy is not indicated, such as situations of characterological domestic violence or an ongoing affair. In situations such as these, the therapist will likely recommend individual counseling instead,” she says.

Most couples can benefit from counseling to improve communication, overcome obstacles, and maintain a healthy relationship.

Couples therapy can also help provide support if you’re working through specific issues within your relationship, such as infidelity, substance abuse, or infertility.

You may also want to consider couples therapy if you are hoping to improve other aspects of your relationship, such as communication, intimacy, or conflict resolution.

It could also be beneficial for couples navigating other stressful periods in life, such as getting married, having a baby, moving, or changing career paths.

Before your first therapy session, your therapist may provide you with some paperwork regarding fees, office policies, and other ethical or legal considerations.

You and your partner may also be asked to fill out an intake form to provide basic information like your name, address, insurance details, and medical history.

The first few sessions of couples therapy generally involve discussing the details of your relationship, along with what you hope to work on during therapy.

Your therapist will also likely help you identify areas of improvement, set goals for your relationship, and establish a personalized treatment plan to maximize your results from therapy.

It’s important to discuss with your partner which factors are most important to each of you when looking for a therapist and whether either of you have any preferences regarding the gender, cultural background, location, or specialty of your provider.

Asking for a referral from friends, family members, or other medical professionals can be a great starting place to find a couples therapist.

There are also many websites available that provide lists of mental health professionals in your area, including the Healthline FindCare tool. These tools typically allow you to filter providers based on gender, language, the forms of therapy offered, and the types of insurance they accept.

You may also want to consider using an online couples therapy platform, which can be a convenient and affordable alternative to in-person therapy.

Here are some of our top picks:

ReGain: a great option for flexible scheduling
Talkspace:around-the-clock counseling through messaging
Pride Counseling: specialist services for the LGBTQIA+ community
Our Relationship: caters to military and veteran couples
Couples Therapy Inc.: support for couples recovering from infidelity
Bound Together Counseling: sex and relationship counseling
Thriveworks: insurance may cover these services, and it’s in-network with most policies

Will couples therapists recommend divorce?

Generally, no, couples therapists won’t recommend divorce. A therapist aims to help couples work through their issues and improve their relationship by providing a safe space for communication, guiding them in conflict resolution, and establishing emotional intimacy.

Divorce is a serious decision that should only be made after careful consideration of all the possible ramifications.

Can couples therapy make things worse?

Couples therapy can make things worse if the couple is not ready or willing to address the issues that brought them to therapy. If one or both partners are not fully committed to the relationship or are not interested in resolving the issues, then couples therapy can do more harm than good.

If there’s a lot of anger, resentment, and bitterness between the couple, then it can be very difficult to address these issues constructively in therapy. When people are unwilling to open up and share their feelings honestly with the other, then the therapy sessions can quickly become frustrating and unproductive.

However, if both partners are willing to work on the relationship and are committed to making things better, then couples therapy can be an extremely effective tool in helping couples resolve the issues causing problems in their relationship.

What’s the difference between relationship therapy and relationship counseling?

Relationship therapy and relationship counseling are both types of therapy that aim to improve communication and resolve conflict in a relationship. However, there are some key differences between the two.

Relationship counseling is typically focused on helping couples deal with present events and may also be used to prepare people for a healthy, strong marriage.

Relationship therapy, on the other hand, can be useful for couples at any stage in their relationship. Some of the techniques may be similar to marriage counseling, but people deal with problems that have a history and have created unhealthy patterns of relating. Therapists look for the reasons behind the emotions that drive these patterns and work with the couple to change them.

Relationship therapy can be an incredibly effective way to improve a relationship, but both partners must be committed to the process and willing to work on their issues.

No problem is too big or small for therapy, especially with the help of an experienced licensed professional.

From feeling disconnected to your partner to overcoming infidelity, exercises and techniques developed by licensed therapists can rehabilitate your relationship and improve your communication skills.

Jillian Goltzman is a freelance journalist covering culture, social impact, wellness, and lifestyle. She’s been published in various outlets, including Cosmopolitan, Glamour, and Fodor’s Travel Guide. Outside of writing, Jillian is a public speaker who loves discussing the power of social media — something she spends too much time on. She enjoys reading, her houseplants, and cuddling with her corgi. Find her work on her website, blog, Twitter, and Instagram.

25 Best Couples Therapy Techniques to Try in 2022

We include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Here’s our process.

Healthline only shows you brands and products that we stand behind.

Our team thoroughly researches and evaluates the recommendations we make on our site. To establish that the product manufacturers addressed safety and efficacy standards, we:

Evaluate ingredients and composition: Do they have the potential to cause harm?
Fact-check all health claims: Do they align with the current body of scientific evidence?
Assess the brand: Does it operate with integrity and adhere to industry best practices?

We do the research so you can find trusted products for your health and wellness.

1. Reflective listening

“Reflective listening is a highly beneficial exercise where the couple take turns being active listeners,” says Laura Louis, a licensed psychologist at Atlanta Couple Therapy.

Use “I” phrases instead of “you” statements. For example, say “I feel hurt when you do [X]” instead of “You’re wrong for doing [X].”

“When couples take turns being active listeners, it boosts healthy communication skills as well as conflict resolution skills for the couple,” Louis says.

2. Emotionally focused therapy

Many therapists use a method called emotionally focused therapy (EFT), which has been shown to facilitate long lasting behavior changes.

People “learn and utilize techniques to heal or create safe and secure attachments within the relationship,” she explains.

3. Narrative therapy

“There will always be inconsistencies and contradictions,” says Sam Nabil, the CEO and lead therapist at Naya Clinics.

4. Gottman Method

5. Imago relationship therapy

Imago relationship therapy, developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt in 1980, emphasizes the connection between adult relationships and childhood experiences.

By understanding childhood trauma, the therapy is aimed at making couples more empathetic and understanding of one another.

6. Solution-focused therapy

If you’re dealing with a particular issue, experiencing burnout, or trying to work toward a specific goal, solution-focused therapy is a model to consider.

7. Get crafty

“Having a physically visible vision board can help remind you of your shared desires and goals for when you are having issues within the relationship,” Louis says.

She advises couples to get crafty by writing down goals and collecting pictures that embody their relationship desires.

“It’s a tangible reminder that a marriage is a work in progress, and that it takes hard work and time on both ends to create a strong, healthy, and long lasting relationship,” she says.

8. Find deeper topics to engage with

Get over surface-level conversations and ask your partner questions other than “What’s for dinner?”

Kelly Sinning, a Colorado-based licensed professional counselor, likes to give her clients the homework of simply talking with each other.

“Oftentimes, we get so busy and caught up in the day-to-day needs, we don’t realize that we stop having conversations about anything else,” she explains.

9. Express appreciation

Expressing gratitude and communicating what works in your relationship can help strengthen your appreciation for one another.

10. Identify your partner’s love language

Just because you’re in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you experience love in the same way.

“The 5 Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman helps couples identify what makes them feel loved, so they can show up for each other.

The five love languages are based on the idea that each person has a preferred way of receiving love:

receiving gifts
acts of service
words of affirmation
quality time
physical touch

Take this online quiz with your partner to discover your love language and better understand each other.

11. Schedule important conversations

Are you looking to have an important or difficult discussion with your partner? Take it from the experts: Serious talks are best when you have a plan.

She recommends scheduling tough conversations in advance, so no one is caught off guard.

12. Pencil in one-on-one time

While life can feel hectic, don’t let outside pressures override time with your partner.

13. Fill your intimacy bucket

As a couple and as individuals, understand that you both have intimacy needs.

Garcia calls this the “intimacy bucket,” which includes the following types of intimacy:

intellectual
experiential
social
emotional
sexual

Spend time finding exercises in each bucket. For example, you can explore a new hobby together or socialize with mutual friends on a Zoom game night.

14. Practice partner yoga

Consider teaming up with your partner for couples yoga.

Partner yoga allows you to balance together with your partner, establishing and strengthening trust as you flow through tandem moves.

15. The 6-second kiss

The kiss is just long enough to be passionate while also acting as a distraction from the busyness of the day.

16. Show interest in each other’s day

When was the last time you asked your partner what they were most excited about for the day?

Spending a few moments discussing your partner’s agenda and goals will help support them and make them feel cared for in your relationship.

With her clients, Prost finds that “curiosity can help your partner feel connected to you. ”

17. Share a list of things you want from your partner

Write down three things your partner could do weekly that would make you happy. Share your list with one another while looking in each other’s eyes.

The lists may not be something your partner can do every day, but a reminder of things they can manage to do once a week to help build trust and communication.

“The point is that we all show and need affection in different ways, and honoring those differences is essential to feeling heard and understood,” says Nyro Murphy, LCPC.

18. Use an icebreaker

You might remember icebreakers from summer camp or work seminars, but this go-to conversation-starting game may help reinvigorate your relationship and teach you something new about your partner.

Reintroduce yourself to your partner by setting time to discuss icebreaker questions that dig beneath the surface.

19. Connect through music

Remember the days of making your school crush the ultimate mixtape?

A 2011 study found that shared music preferences create stronger social bonds.

Feel the nostalgia and curate your own playlist of songs that remind you of your partner and the moments you’ve shared. Swap your playlists, and get a peek into each other’s romantic side.

20. Start a book club for two

Reading can allow you to share an experience together at your own pace. Alternate the responsibility of choosing a book that’s grabbed your attention, and set a date to discuss it over dinner.

21. Eye gazing

Initiating long-held eye contact with your partner may help you two feel a stronger connection.

Prolonged eye contact can help you recognize emotions, build trust, and increase intimacy.

A 2018 study associated eye gazing with “self-other merging,” reducing the boundary between yourself and the other person to feel unity.

As the saying goes, the eyes are the window to the soul, so why not give it a try?

22. Practice gratitude

Gratitude has many benefits, including boosting well-being for yourself and your relationship.

At the end of each day, take time to share three things you’re grateful for with your partner.

23. Increase your cuddle time

There’s a reason why cuddling with your partner feels so good: Cuddling causes your body to release oxytocin and reduces cortisol, the stress hormone.

24. Invest in a therapy workbook

Find a couples therapy workbook in a book store or online, and take time each week to go through assigned activities with your partner.

Hsueh recommends her clients read and answer the question prompts in “Hold Me Tight” by Dr. Sue Johnson.

Hsueh also recommends “The Couple Home Lasting Connection System,” a workbook filled with exercises designed to help couples connect in “deeper, more meaningful ways.”

25. Unplug from your devices

According to a 2014 report by the Pew Research Center, 25 percent of participants in a serious relationship say cellphones distract their partner when they’re alone together.

Known as phone snubbing (or “phubbing”), focusing on your phone instead of your partner in a social setting could negatively affect your relationship over time.

If distraction and a feeling of absenteeism is infiltrating your relationship, experiment with setting aside time to fully unplug and communicate with each other.

If you’re in need of a relationship refresh, counseling may be a great option for you.

No matter your situation, you can benefit from participating in couples therapy and acquiring a toolkit to deepen your connection with your loved one.

“My goal in couples therapy is to teach couples how to navigate life together as a team, so that ultimately they say, ‘Hey, thanks for the support, but we got it from here,’” she adds.

The perks of couples therapy can include:

having a third-party mediator to help facilitate constructive conversations
finding new ways to communicate with your partner
decreasing distress and conflict within your relationship
being intentional with your time and words
setting time to dedicate to the improvement of your relationship
creating a safe, calm space in therapy to discuss difficult topics
practicing techniques to enhance emotional and physical intimacy
forming action plans to make your relationship a priority
identifying harmful or damaging patterns in your relationship and working around them
rebuilding trust with one another
establishing healthy boundaries in your relationship
having a therapist who can identify underlying issues and emotions you might not be aware exist
discovering and developing valuable skills to manage conflict
finding common ground and learning to relate to each other in a loving, kind way
feeling supported and listened to in your relationship
building skills to identify your needs and wants in a relationship

When it comes to committing to couples therapy, partners can start therapy for any reason that’s causing conflict, distress, or mistrust.

Couples may seek therapy to:

rebuild trust after infidelity or deceit
enhance physical and emotional intimacy if you’re feeling unsatisfied
overcome trauma
go through a transition together, like parenthood or a big move
navigate conflicting views on how to parent
help manage substance use disorder recovery for one or both partners
learn more about the relationship
gain stability when feeling lost in the busyness of life
get support when grieving the loss of a loved one
have fun within your relationship and reignite your spark
resolve conflict in a rational way
define the significance and seriousness of a relationship with the help of a third party
work through infertility
help with blended families and step-parenting
navigate career pressures and job changes
handle financial problems

But in dangerous or dire situations, mental health professionals may advise another path.

Most couples can benefit from counseling to improve communication, overcome obstacles, and maintain a healthy relationship.

Couples therapy can also help provide support if you’re working through specific issues within your relationship, such as infidelity, substance abuse, or infertility.

You may also want to consider couples therapy if you are hoping to improve other aspects of your relationship, such as communication, intimacy, or conflict resolution.

It could also be beneficial for couples navigating other stressful periods in life, such as getting married, having a baby, moving, or changing career paths.

Before your first therapy session, your therapist may provide you with some paperwork regarding fees, office policies, and other ethical or legal considerations.

You and your partner may also be asked to fill out an intake form to provide basic information like your name, address, insurance details, and medical history.

The first few sessions of couples therapy generally involve discussing the details of your relationship, along with what you hope to work on during therapy.

Your therapist will also likely help you identify areas of improvement, set goals for your relationship, and establish a personalized treatment plan to maximize your results from therapy.

Asking for a referral from friends, family members, or other medical professionals can be a great starting place to find a couples therapist.

You may also want to consider using an online couples therapy platform, which can be a convenient and affordable alternative to in-person therapy.

Here are some of our top picks:

ReGain: a great option for flexible scheduling
Talkspace:around-the-clock counseling through messaging
Pride Counseling: specialist services for the LGBTQIA+ community
Our Relationship: caters to military and veteran couples
Couples Therapy Inc.: support for couples recovering from infidelity
Bound Together Counseling: sex and relationship counseling
Thriveworks: insurance may cover these services, and it’s in-network with most policies

Will couples therapists recommend divorce?

Divorce is a serious decision that should only be made after careful consideration of all the possible ramifications.

Can couples therapy make things worse?

What’s the difference between relationship therapy and relationship counseling?

Relationship counseling is typically focused on helping couples deal with present events and may also be used to prepare people for a healthy, strong marriage.

Relationship therapy can be an incredibly effective way to improve a relationship, but both partners must be committed to the process and willing to work on their issues.

No problem is too big or small for therapy, especially with the help of an experienced licensed professional.

From feeling disconnected to your partner to overcoming infidelity, exercises and techniques developed by licensed therapists can rehabilitate your relationship and improve your communication skills.

Family Therapy: Approaches, Techniques and Methods

FIND A PSYCHOLOGIST

alter

DIRECTIONS GUIDE

Family therapy is not only work with marital relationships. If one of the family members has problems, their roots can go deep into family history and habitual behavior patterns. So, the problems of a child are often offered to be solved not in a children's, but in family psychotherapy.

There are two main approaches: Systemic Family Therapy and Emotionally Focused Therapy. The first considers the family as a whole and adjusts the system itself. The second works mainly with relationships within a couple, helps partners get out of an impasse, restore intimacy and trust. nine0011

Contents

1. Systemic family therapy: the family is a single organism

2. What is the family system

3. How CCT works

4. Genogram

5. Circular interview

6. Positive reformulation

7. What problems are solved at SST

8. Emotionally Focused Therapy: staging a “pair dance”

9. Basic principles of EFT

10. How EFT works

11. When is it time for therapy?

12. Case study

13. What to read?

Systemic family therapy: the family is a single organism

Systemic family therapy (SFT) does not consist of individual therapy for each family member. The client in this case is the family as an organism, a single whole. In the system, everyone is connected with everyone, so any violations in one of the family members can lead to disharmony for everyone else. nine0011

“Family is a system. Each person is an element of this system that influences it. Relationships between elements also affect the system. If one family member has a symptom - for example, alcoholism - this will be reflected not only on him, but also on his family. His relationship with his wife will also be special, and will also affect the entire system. If his wife protects and protects him, there will be one relationship in the family, if she gets angry and makes scandals, it’s completely different. ” nine0011

Olesya Kruglushina, Systemic Family Therapist

Unlike other therapeutic approaches, CCT did not grow out of philosophy or medicine. It is based on biology and cybernetics. In the 1930s, L. von Bertalanffy introduced the concept of "General Systems Theory". Its idea is based on an organismic view of the world:

The whole is greater than the sum of its parts

All parts and processes influence each other

Family counseling existed before, it just happened within existing schools : for example, psychoanalytic, humanistic, gestalt therapy. In the 1970s, the concept of systemic-family views on therapy began to develop. Subsequently, FTA developed differently in the US and Europe. Now this approach is recognized at the state level in many countries. nine0011

Historical background

What is the family system

According to the SST, the life of the family system is subject to two laws: Any changes are perceived as a threat to the system. Therefore, in SST it is important to work with the resistance that inevitably arises. In order to preserve the order of things, the family is ready to endure any restrictions. The client wants the problem to leave the family, but is not ready to change for this. nine0011

Development Law

However, the family system cannot be frozen. The age of family members changes - accordingly, their relationships also change. Children are born, and then grow up and begin to live independently.

Murray Bowen, one of the well-known CCT practitioners, formulated 8 concepts of the family system. They are interconnected - to understand how the system works, you need to see the essence of each concept and its impact on the others.

Differentiation "I"

A person with a high level of differentiation can build emotional contact with the family without losing the boundaries of personality. If the level is low, then the person will be inclined to merge and symbiosis with the family. From a therapeutic point of view, this is not the best model. The therapist teaches each family member to separate from the rest while maintaining good contact.

Emotion Triangle

When there is conflict between two people, they often use a third person to find a way out of the conflict. As a rule, in this way parents use the child to influence each other. This creates a "pathological emotional triangle". In fact, the conflict cannot be resolved in this way. But, according to the law of homeostasis, the family continues to support it. For this, someone may even act to their own detriment (for example, a child maintains poor school performance, because because of this the whole family gets together, does homework with him and solves a common problem). nine0011

Projective processes

Children involved in the emotional triangle often begin to “repeat” after their parents. They react similarly to stressful situations, experience similar emotions: for example, anxiety, resentment or aggression.

The process of transmission of negative patterns from generation to generation

If parents had a low level of differentiation, children are likely to adopt it. And later they will pass it on to their children. So dysfunctional patterns of behavior can "live" in the family for so many generations that it will be difficult to change them. nine0011

Emotional break

Some family members decide to break emotional contact with the family in order to resolve their problems. This does not always help: sometimes a broken relationship brings even more discomfort. The therapist will teach this family member the differentiation of the Self: it is not necessary to break the connection in order to maintain individuality.

Sibling position

Older, middle and younger children behave differently because of different expectations from their parents. Subsequently, this behavior can become part of their character and influence the rest of their lives. For example, older children often start behaving like "little adults" from an early age, which can lead to hyper-responsibility and anxiety. nine0011

Social emotional process

Social changes affect the institution of the family. Also, different social currents and opinions can affect the atmosphere in a single family. Therefore, in therapy it is very important to look at the social context.

The emotional process of the nuclear family

"Everyone affects everyone." If there are disagreements, conflicts or violence between some family members, this is reflected in the rest and can even lead to mental disorders. nine0011

The goal of systemic family therapy is to highlight negative patterns of behavior. find their roots, work through and help the family find a balance between emotional contact and individualization.

How the CCT works

In the first session, the therapist clarifies the problem and the history of the family. It focuses on the main points:

Relationships of all family members

Relationships and communication features appear in significant situations. The therapist asks family members to take turns describing an event and looks at their interactions—in the stories themselves and in the course of therapy. nine0011

Public and unspoken rules in the family

Rules are how a family lives, how responsibilities are distributed in it, how family members communicate with each other. Examples of a family rule: "The woman is responsible for all housework", "Children have no right to argue with their elders." Not everyone may agree with the rule, but they still abide by it.

Family myths

A family myth is an unspoken image of a family that is supported by all its members. For example: “We are a friendly family and never swear.” Conflicts and contradictions in such a family can be hushed up so as not to destroy the myth. For the sake of the myth “Mom is our savior”, all other family members will constantly get into trouble so that there is someone to save. Anyone who threatens the myth with his behavior can be severely punished - up to and including expulsion from the system. nine0011

Family boundaries

Each family member has an idea of who belongs to the family. This representation can be different: for example, the wife includes her parents in the system, while the husband does not consider them members of the family. This discrepancy leads to serious disagreements.

“Before the family comes to the session, I form a hypothesis: what is happening to these people that brought them to therapy. At the session, the first stage is the collection of information and acquaintance. I ask about professions, education, background. This is very important and affects relationships. After all, if he is a professor of mathematical sciences, and she is a manicurist, most likely they speak different languages. I ask if the person has “his” place in the apartment where he can be alone. Information that at first glance has nothing to do with a family problem can be very important. ” nine0011

Olesya Kruglushina, systemic family therapist:

“The systems approach can work with the whole family, with a couple and even individually. Sometimes not all family members want to come to therapy. It happens that a client stays or comes to individual work - and becomes an agent of change in his family. SST allows you to build a line of therapeutic work quite flexibly. For example, in working with a family where there is a teenager, family meetings can be sequentially organized, paired, individual with a teenager and each parent, and then again joint sessions. This is decided on a case-by-case basis." nine0011

Anna Guseva, systemic
family therapist:

As a rule, work in the STS is divided into 4 stages:

Making a family diagnosis

"Family diagnosis" is not a medical term and not a psychiatric conclusion. This is the reason why there is a problem in the family.

Elimination of the conflict

After clarification of the main conflict, it must be eliminated. To do this, the therapist uses specific techniques to reduce the anxiety associated with the problem and teach family members to respond differently. nine0011

Reconstruction

Reconstruction is a change in the dysfunctional model itself, which causes conflicts. If you don't change it, it's a problem. most likely to return some time after therapy.

Support

Discussing the results, expressing thoughts and feelings on the subject reinforces the effect of therapy. So after the request is satisfied. it is helpful to have a few supportive sessions. There are cases when the family visits the therapist regularly - to prevent subsequent problems. nine0011

In the course of his work, the systemic family therapist uses various techniques that are unique to this type of therapy.

Genogram

The easiest way to trace the history of a family is to use the genogram technique. The therapist draws a detailed family tree with the family. On it, he notes the ties between relatives and important moments in history: marriage and divorce, the peculiarities of raising children and communicating with parents. The genogram clearly shows what expectations each spouse has from family life. nine0011

“From childhood, we adopt certain family rules. How a family should function, how a wife and husband should behave, how to raise children, how to distribute finances. This is passed down from generation to generation. When we draw a genogram, a family symptom is immediately visible. There is always a relationship: some generations already had the same symptom. It is also seen that family rules in one and the other genus may not coincide.

For example, in the family the boys' wives were very protective, relieved of any work, "fed" and took care of them. And in the husband's family there was a rule "You are a man, you must help." Such a couple will quarrel even because of mopping: each will strive to do it on their own. As a result, the wife will feel rejected (“He doesn’t need my care and love”), and the husband will feel humiliated (“Is there nothing I can do?”). nine0011

Olesya Kruglushina, systemic family therapist:

Circular interview

Circular interview is a technique that is widely used in family therapy. The therapist takes turns asking all family members the same question—sometimes worded differently. A circular interview helps to clarify the attitude of each family member to a problematic situation - as well as to show everyone the hidden motives of their actions and words. However, the therapist usually does not ask about the thoughts and feelings of the client. It only shows how the whole situation looks from the outside, what patterns are reflected in it - and it becomes clear to everyone why this situation is happening. nine0003
Examples of questions in a circular interview:

— How does the situation look like now?

— When did the situation first arise? Why do you think this happened?

— How do you deal with this situation?

- What do you get when this situation occurs?

— If the situation continues in the future, what will it lead to?

Positive reformulation

Once the therapist has made a "family diagnosis", he helps the client change his attitude towards the problem. First, he tells the family that their problem is not unique and that many are experiencing it. It takes some of the stress off. Then he draws attention to the advantages of the situation and positive motives for behavior. For example, “you are so protective of your son because you are a very caring person, and you are afraid of losing him.” Then he draws attention to the fact that the chosen behavior does not correspond to the motives that prompt it - it even contradicts them. For example, by overprotecting the child, the mother does not contribute to his safety - because in this way he does not learn to cope with difficult situations. nine0003
The last step of this work is prescription . The therapist helps the family formulate a new rule and gives homework to follow it.

What problems are solved at SST

SST deals with any problems related to family relations. You can contact a therapist if:

You find it difficult to negotiate and resolve conflicts within a couple (even if you are not officially married)

One of the family members has an emotional or mental disorder that affects relationships within the family

The child has problems with socialization, academic performance or health (especially for psychogenic illnesses)

You cannot find a common language with the child or teenager

The composition of the family has changed: a new child has appeared or, on the contrary, the child has grown up and started an independent life. All family members need to adapt to new conditions

You are going through a divorce and creating new families

You are experiencing the death of a family member

“Most requests are related to marital and parent-child relationships. Individual clients come with very different questions: difficulties in creating long-term relationships, dissatisfaction in relationships with a partner and the world, experiencing crises and losses, the inability to decide on some important life choices, addictions.

Perhaps the most complex requests for each specialist will be different. Someone is better at dealing with divorces or parent-child relationships - and he will “transfer” clients with addiction to colleagues. Some find it difficult to work with conflicting families, while others find it difficult to work with distant ones. But for difficult cases, there are always supervisions and personal psychotherapy.” nine0011

Olesya Kruglushina, Systemic Family Therapist:

CCT may be short-term: some problems can be solved in a few sessions. This usually refers to problems that have arisen recently. If the tension has built up over the years, more time will be needed. But it is impossible to accurately determine the required number of sessions - it is individual for each family.

Emotion Focused Therapy: Couple Dance

Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) is designed for couples. It helps to overcome the crisis of relations, to make them closer and more trusting. One of the founders of the approach compared EFT to choreography: "the therapist acts as a choreographer for staging a pair dance." nine0011

EFT was based on the attachment theory of psychoanalyst John Bowlby. He worked with children - in particular, he observed how children develop and behave in orphanages. Bowlby noted that these children often suffer from emotional problems and find it difficult to establish contacts and long-term relationships. He suggested that this is due to the lack of experience of close attachment to the mother. Then John Bowlby began to develop his theory of attachment, according to which the behavior of people in relationships depends on what kind of contact they had in childhood with their parents (in particular, with their mother). The fear of loneliness or overprotection is formed in childhood and remains with people for life. Because of this, they develop insecure attachment styles that prevent them from building strong close relationships. nine0003
EFT was created by Canadian psychologists Susan Johnson and Leslie Greenberg. They started developing the approach in the 80s. Methodologically, it is similar to the synthesis of Rogers' client-centered therapy and CCT. From client-centered therapy, EFT took the emotional involvement of the therapist and the nonjudgmental acceptance of the client. From SST, the idea that relationships are affected by negative patterns.

The approach has been constantly developed and improved. In 1998, Susan Johnson created The International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy, which trains and certifies EPT therapists and conducts clinical research. It is now an internationally recognized method of couples therapy. nine0011

Historical background

Basic principles of ETF

Bowlby found that many people develop insecure attachment styles that interfere with relationships. The goal of EFT is to help change the attachment style to one that is secure and secure. A person with a secure type of attachment is not afraid of being abandoned or "strangled" by love, does not control a partner and does not manipulate him. He enjoys an emotional connection, a relationship for him is a “safe bay”, where you will always be accepted and supported. nine0011

Emotions are the key to creating a secure attachment

As the name implies, EFT focuses on emotions. Through emotions we perceive and evaluate reality. Negative emotions once led to the formation of an insecure attachment style.

The need for affection is healthy and natural

All people desire affection: it is genetically determined. Historically, those who knew how to call for help and accept support survived. Only the ways in which people try to satisfy the need for attachment can be maladaptive. nine0011

Interaction is cyclical and patterns

One reaction provokes another. The behavior of the couple “enters” a cycle from which it is difficult to break out.

Change occurs through new emotional experience

In therapy, the couple receives new emotions - from communication with the therapist and with each other. This experience provokes change.

How EFT works

Johnson and Greenberg formulated 3 stages of work in EFT, each of which consists of several steps:

Step 1. Form a therapeutic alliance and discuss the request.
Step 2: Finding the Negative Cycle
Step 3: Dealing with the Emotions That Triggered the Cycle
Step 4: Redirecting the Problem: Common Enemy – Negative Cycle that Causes Stress and Conflict

Step 5: Articulating Needs and Emotions . Partner interaction.
Step 6: Work on acceptance: The therapist teaches partners to express empathy and support, to accept each other's needs and emotions. nine0011 Step 7. Work on the style of attachment: the “withdrawal” partner learns to engage in an emotional connection, and the “accusing” partner learns to behave more freely.

Step 8. Form new ways to behave and discuss problems.
Step 9. Use the skills learned in therapy outside the office. Consolidation of results.

At each stage, the therapist uses techniques specific to EFT.

Reflection Technique

This technique is borrowed from Rogers' client-centered therapy. The therapist "returns" to the client his vision of the situation. He literally repeats the words of the client, highlighting the most emotional and significant moments with intonation. This contributes to the creation of a therapeutic alliance. nine0011

Confirmation Technique

Therapist accepts the client's thoughts and feelings; shows that they are completely normal and natural. Confirmation is not approval. It is important for the therapist to remain neutral and not take sides with either partner. Its purpose is to show partners that their emotions are important and their reactions are understandable.

Empathic Suggestion Technique

The therapist guesses what deep emotions may lie behind the client's story. Sometimes we mask true, primal emotions with ones we have "learned" to experience—more socially acceptable and less traumatic. In therapy, it is important to “raise” the primary emotions and work through them. nine0011

Feeling Questions

When a therapist notices a particular reaction in a client, he may ask, "What did you feel at that moment?" "What prompted you to do this?" By asking questions, he invites the client to explore his own emotional world.

Amplification Technique

When during therapy it is possible to identify the primary emotion, the therapist deliberately focuses the client's attention on it, asks clarifying questions, provokes introspection. As a rule, the client in this case resorts to an avoidance strategy: it is difficult and uncomfortable to discuss the primary emotion. The task of the therapist is to carefully work with resistance, not to put pressure on the client and support him. nine0003
The therapist may use a metaphor to ask the client what this emotion looks like, what it is like. If the client responds to the process, the therapist asks the client to share the experience with a partner.

Restructuring Interactions

Using the circular interview (a technique borrowed from CCT), the therapist finds negative cycles in partners' interactions and draws their attention to these cycles. Partners see how they themselves create conflict. nine0011

Reframing the problem

When a cycle is found, it is presented in therapy as a common enemy. The partners team up to defeat him. They no longer feel guilty or angry - they just got into a cycle that needs to be broken.

Enactment Technique

The therapist sets a certain topic of conversation and asks the partners in the session to discuss it. In doing so, the therapist prompts some cues and interactions, guiding the conversation. Often, the acting-out technique provides clients with a strong emotional experience that helps them open up and moves them towards a stronger relationship. nine0003
EFT is suitable for all couples who want to strengthen their relationship: learn to hear each other better, spend more time together, stop quarreling, restore the freshness of feelings.

Studies show that up to 75% of couples overcome relationship difficulties after EFT. The effect of therapy lasts for a long time, because partners receive an effective tool to cope with further crises. They no longer return to the negative cycle.

When is it time for therapy? nine0011

There is a sad statistic: families come to therapy when they are already talking about divorce or separation. In this case, building relationships can be very difficult. Many therapists even refuse to work with couples who have decided to separate.

“There is a habit in the Russian mentality “not to wash dirty linen in public”. People are afraid or ashamed to seek help from a therapist. And they turn already when the point of no return has been passed. In my practice, there was a case: a client called with a request to improve relations. In the course of questioning, it turned out that his wife had been living with another person for six months and had sent documents for divorce. When I said that my maximum in this situation was to help them divorce less traumatically, he refused and decided to look for another therapist. Apparently, with a “magic pill” for his wife.” nine0011

Olesya Kruglushina, systemic family therapist:

Indications for therapy are not necessarily protracted serious problems. It will be useful for many families to take a course in order to establish contact, identify hidden negative emotions and work through them, raise happier children. After all, therapy is always not only a solution to problems, but also personal growth.

Case study

“The parents of a five-year-old girl applied. The girl could not adapt to kindergarten: she did not want to go, she was sick all the time. Parents were at the doctors, they did not find a somatic cause - and they were sent to a family therapist. nine0003
In the first session, I started asking parents what kindergarten means to them. The answer was: "This is the place where children are handed over." They conveyed this idea to the child. But not a single person wants to be “handed over” somewhere. It turned out that dad's family had a traumatic story with a terrible kindergarten. Therefore, at first we worked with dad's beliefs: what can be interesting and fun in the garden.

I gave homework: to follow exactly how parents talk about this topic with their daughter. After a few sessions, this problem was solved, and she began to go to the garden with pleasure, she ceased to be afraid of it. nine0011

Olesya Kruglushina, systemic family therapist:

What to read?

Introduction to Systemic Family Therapy. Anna Varga

A book for psychologists who would like to master the methods of systemic family therapy, as well as for everyone who is interested in this topic. Examples from practice, description of work techniques, disclosure of concepts - this will help to form a complete picture of the approach.

"Hug me tight."
Sue Johnson

Sue Johnson is one of the founders of Emotionally Focused Therapy. She writes about how to form a secure attachment in a couple, develop empathy and build strong long-term relationships.

FIND A FAMILY PSYCHOLOGIST

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Chapter 5. Pair exercises. Development of forgotten muscles

Chapter 5 Pair Exercises

Author's note: As described in the previous chapter, the effectiveness of the vaginal muscles in certain exercises is best monitored using a pressure gauge TP .

The well-known pair workouts have significant advantages over single ones, so they can be recommended as the main ones for married couples.

Sexual elation is very important for effective training mood. This is the moment of awakening desire, they need to learn how to manage and consciously support for a long time . In this state, the muscles begin to work much better . For most people this happens at the subconscious level.

Just like the peristalsis of the intestines: while there is no food in it, the muscles work very poorly, sluggishly, but as soon as it enters the intestines, a full-fledged muscular work begins to push, promote food. If the girl does not have sexual arousal, the genital muscles do not work, but as soon as she is aroused, the work has begun.
Also, women's muscles begin to work much better when a certain psycho-emotional mood has arisen. nine0069 If we did not interfere with Nature, the vaginal muscles would begin their development, work in accordance with the biological cycle, during puberty. Women's muscles would be no worse than men's, there would be no worries with their development.

Let's create a pair training scenario. Your imagination, experience and feelings will surely create something better, new exercises will appear.

So, the beginning.

1. You are "grinding", getting in touch with a partner. Standing, cling to each other. You feel the partner's warmth, his goodwill, his body, pleasant outlines, bulges and hollows. Slightly press your chest with your hands, then lower and lower. It is advisable to talk about your feelings to each other. Praise this or that. nine0003
Now snuggle up behind, change places. The same, lying down: the lower partner is collected, compressed, holds the weight; the upper one is completely relaxed, flowing with goodness (this is the case in all further exercises). The lower one is on the back, the upper one is face down, then up. The lower one is face down, the upper one is the same. Breathing is even, deep, synchronous, better yogic. If partners differ greatly in weight, then it is better not to tempt fate, not to drive the weak down, not to create overloads. The top can reduce the load by putting the hands and feet on the floor, not on the partner. The top in all exercises should be comfortable, comfortable. nine0003
Now warm up, stretch.

2. Stand with your back to each other and interlace your arms, bending them at the elbows, to make a “lock”. Feet shoulder width apart or wider. Alternately, bending at the waist, hold the upper partner on a pause for 2-3 seconds. Reminder: the upper one relaxes, the lower one is in tension, try not to bend your legs at the knees, tilt deeper, closer to your knees.

3. The starting position is the same, but raise the outstretched arms up, hold each other with the hands. Also alternately bend at the waist. Before bending, the lower partner should lower his buttocks just below the buttocks of the upper one, by bending the legs at the knees of the higher one. In the process of tilting, when the weight of the top is fully perceived and balance arises, the arms of the bottom bent at the elbows rest on the half-bent legs. The upper is relaxed, the head, arms and legs "dangle". Delay 5-20 sec. If the lower one can do it, you can “shake” the upper one by bending the legs at the knees; straighten and arch your back; increase and decrease the slope. Holding the top with your hands, slowly straighten up and put it on your feet. The same exercise is performed when, in the initial position, the upper one becomes facing the back of the lower one, and also when the upper one lies on the lower one across the chest or back. nine0003
4. The lower one kneels with straightened arms, the upper one lies on his back, then with his chest. The same, but lays down from above across. The lower one helps to lie down comfortably, lowering the back, pelvis, bending the arms. In the process of holding, the lower one can also arch and arch the back; lower and raise the pelvis, back, bending the arms or legs. If you succeed, shake it.

The warm-up is over, let's move on to training the intimate and conjugate muscles.

5. One partner wraps his legs around the other and crosses his feet, making a "lock" from behind. nine0003
Can cover the pelvis, abdomen, chest or neck. Using the "lock" and squeezing the legs, you need to force the partner to resist compression by the tension of certain muscles. Positions: lying - squeezing on the side, the other - on the back or on the stomach; sitting - facing each other;

standing - the one who squeezes "hangs", and the other one - stands. In the beginning, you can help each other with your hands. As the contracting muscles develop, the "lock" is eliminated. The most difficult is the variant of the exercise, when the neck of the standing partner is compressed, with the squeezing body in a horizontal position. nine0003
6. Sit facing each other, hold hands. The legs are wide apart and rest on the feet.

a) Tilts forward and backward - one slowly leans back, the second, leaning forward, resists, creates a load. Change roles.

b) Side bends - one bends over, drags. The second resists, but gives in, or, conversely, helps the first bend deeper. Change roles.

c) Rotation - mutually resisting, one leans back, then goes into an inclination to the right side, forward, to the left side. After a few rotations, it changes direction. nine0003
7. Position as 6, but with the legs brought together and bent at the knees, resting on the feet. Slowly raise your legs, straighten up.

8. Lie on your side with a “jack” and chest to each other. Partners raise the upper straight leg up, but this is prevented by the hand of the other partner. When lowering the leg, the hand also prevents this. Several times, and lie on the other side.

9. Lie on your back with a “jack”, side by side. Raise the "inner" legs, cross. One presses, lowers the partner's resisting leg to the side (give in). Now the second raises his leg, and the first resists. Several times and lie with the other side to each other (change legs). You can help with your hands. nine0003
10. Lie on your back with your knees bent. The legs of the first are between the legs of the second. The first opens, spreads his knees, the second resists. The second compresses, reduces the knees, the first resists. You can help with your hands. Change.

11. One lies on his back, as in exercise 10. The second one sits "on top" of the first one and spreads his arms around his clenched knees, and then prevents them from bringing them together. Or the second one resists pushing the knees apart with his hands. Change. nine0003
12. Postures as in exercise 11, but the person sitting with his chest straightens the legs of the person lying down. You can help with your hands. The first bends his legs, raises the second. Change.

13. The first one lies on his back, legs are straightened. The second sits "riding" on the genitals, the pelvis is lying. Resting with heels, head, back, the first raises the pelvis of the second, to exchange.

After finishing the exercises lying down, relax the intimate and associated muscles (as in single exercises). But this relaxation can also be done in pairs. nine0003
14. One lies on his back, relaxed. The second, standing, raises the relaxed leg of the lying person with his hands and begins to “shake” it up and down, left and right, rotate it. Try to shake the relaxed pelvis through this leg. Then the other leg. Then both legs together. Act as levers to "shake" the pelvis. Then do the same with the hands.

15. It is very important to learn how to squeeze and unclench the anus and genital muscles separately, separately.

Start at minimum effort . It is better to do this with paired training, the partner observes or controls muscle actions with his fingers. With complete relaxation, lying on your back, slightly squeeze the anal muscles, relax, now genital. This can be done without a partner, individually in front of a mirror, but in this case, attention will be scattered on the action itself and the fixation of the manifestation. Control and remarks of the partner allows you to focus, concentrate only on the work of the muscles.
nine0002 When partners feel their intimate muscles, can squeeze and unclench them, they will be able to choose the movements, postures that are most effective in this regard. Now turn on your favorite dance music and dance with these movements, poses. Entering the pose can be done slowly, to the music. Hold the tension pose for a few bars. Then - exit from the pose. Energetic movements. This is the best way to strengthen and maintain muscles. Dancing will put you in a good mood. And the scope for jokes, impromptu opens up limitless. nine0003
Good luck to you!

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