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Why am i always lonely


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  • SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.

    Also visit the online treatment locator.

SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service), or TTY: 1-800-487-4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.

Also visit the online treatment locator, or send your zip code via text message: 435748 (HELP4U) to find help near you. Read more about the HELP4U text messaging service.

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Last Updated: 08/30/2022

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Why we are lonely: 6 reasons

76 292

Know yourself

“I am fine, but I constantly feel lonely, although I am not alone,” most people can ascribe such a phrase to themselves. Where does this feeling come from and why are there so many of us lonely?

Now we can answer these questions. Research by the Red Cross in the UK has shown that one in five Brits feel lonely. Other studies show that chronic loneliness is bad for health and can shorten life expectancy. Fortunately, we are now well aware of this influence. nine0003

Most people whose experiences were ignored by their parents as children end up feeling lonely as adults. It seems to many that there is nothing wrong with the fact that adults do not respond to the emotions of the child.

However, this upbringing deprives him of important parts of the foundation on which relationships with others are built.

The consequences of neglecting emotional needs continue to affect adulthood, creating feelings of alienation and other problems. nine0003

Reasons why you feel lonely:

1. Your family did not talk heart to heart. It happens that relatives are very good at discussing plans for the future and practical issues, but if someone is sad and hurt, family members seem to scatter. Yes, it's hard to talk about painful experiences. This needs to be learned.

And if it was not customary in your family to discuss feelings seriously, you may simply not be able to do this. And because this skill is essential for building meaningful relationships (both friendships and loves), you find it difficult to connect with others, and as a result, you suffer from loneliness. nine0003

2. Your parents criticized your feelings and you began to shut yourself off from the experience in order to survive. As a child, you adapted to the conditions of life in the family, learning to suppress emotions so as not to burden your parents with them. But feelings are the glue that binds people together and allows for meaningful relationships. Without them, it is difficult to build those deep and lasting emotional bonds that everyone needs.

3. If your parents did not see your feelings, they would send a signal every day: “No one needs your feelings”. nine0020 Since feelings are the deepest and most natural manifestation of ourselves, we hear this message in a different way: “No one needs (needs) you yourself.”

Adults whose feelings were neglected in childhood feel, deep down, that they are less important than others. They sacrifice feelings, needs, and needs for the benefit of those around them. If you consider yourself worse than others, you seem to live in a separate world.

4. Another message your subconscious was receiving: "If something is wrong with your feelings, then so is you." nine0020 A person who grew up in a family where his feelings were not considered, from childhood feels deeply flawed. Because of this, he is afraid to open up to others, because he is afraid that they will see his insignificance.

Therefore, he maintains a "safe" relationship, but they do not bring satisfaction

5. You tried all the time to ask your parents for emotional help, which is completely natural, but did not receive it. Now, as an adult, you are afraid to seek emotional support from others. You are afraid to experience disappointment or rejection, so you rely only on yourself. Your motto is "I can do it myself. " But being afraid to ask for help, you isolate yourself from others and, again, feel alone. nine0003

6. You find it difficult to explain to loved ones that your emotional needs were neglected as a child. Because of this, it may seem to you that only you have suffered from such problems and no one can understand you.

But you are not alone. In fact, countless people are experiencing the same thing. Most of them seem to be healthy, resilient people. You meet them in the store, in the office, even at the festive table.

It is necessary to learn to take care of your emotions. After all, then you yourself will be able to give yourself that love and affection that was not enough in childhood. Once you decide to take this path, there will be no going back. Life will become richer, relationships will begin to bring joy, and your suffering from loneliness will end! nine0003

Text: Nikolai Protsenko Photo credit: Getty Images

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Loneliness: your conscious choice or reason to contact a psychologist

Alone there are more and more people in the world every year - this slightly sad fact reflects where our society is heading today. And it rushes towards self-development, awareness in all areas and success, which is usually not supposed to be shared with anyone. According to recent statistics, most people often feel lonely in Brazil, Turkey and India - Russia is one of the last places on this list (only 25 percent of those who periodically suffer from this feeling), along with Poland, Japan and the Netherlands. nine0003

But what to do if you yourself are confused in your life and are no longer sure what you yourself want - to continue living under the motto of Madonna You'll do much better, baby, on your own or try to find those people with whom you can would you split your way? Or, on the contrary, to get out of spontaneous relationships and come to conscious loneliness? How to understand if you are really comfortable being alone or is it self-deception? And in general, why can the very concept of loneliness be interpreted both in a positive and in a negative way? Vogue found answers to these and other questions together with psychologists from the YouTalk online service. nine0003

Photo: Bernard Holdys. Model: Asia Zebracka. Makeup: Anna Sokolowska. Hair: Iza Swirkowska. Scenography: Szymon Nowak. Stylist: Marta Sliwinska. Stylist assistant: Ania Grabianska. Oliwia Jankowska bodysuit, La Mania raincoat, Gigi Studios glasses, Paris Texas boots

Speaking of loneliness, people often mean various phenomena.

Solitude, isolation and the actual feeling of loneliness are similar phenomena that have some differences

Solitude is necessary for any person, even an extrovert. Only in solitude is a person able to develop, analyze, create. This is an opportunity to replenish your mental resources and put everything in order.

The feeling of isolation occurs when a person is cut off from society. And then his loneliness is an objective circumstance. Remember the movie Cast Away with Tom Hanks? He ended up on a desert island and still found himself an interlocutor in the form of a ball - this is an example of how our psyche performs the function of socialization.

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