Anyone can change
Can People Change? When, How, and Why (or Why not)
People can change but only if a few requirements are met, including self-awareness and willpower. There are some exceptions, though.
Your personality is shaped by a dynamic relationship between your interactions, temperament, and environments. Change is possible.
What does it mean for a person to change? Change is a sustained reinforcement of new behaviors and thinking patterns.
Changing who you are or how you behave may be possible through a collective understanding of attitudes, habits, behaviors, and personality traits.
Yes, changing your attitude is possible. But it may be difficult in some cases if you don’t explore the root cause of your current attitudes.
Attitude is defined by the American Psychological Association (APA) as “a relatively enduring and general evaluation of an object, person, group, issue, or concept on a dimension.” It comes from your beliefs, emotions, and past experiences and behaviors.
It’s possible to change your attitude when you understand how it is formed and how it impacts your life.
Sometimes, though, attitude is linked to emotional pain or hurtful past experiences. You may not be aware of this or, even if you are, your attitude in a certain situation may be a reaction to a trigger or an event that activates the pain.
Living with trauma, for example, may lead to a defensive attitude and affect how you respond to specific challenges.
“People who experience this may want to change,” says Jeffrey McQueen, executive director of the Mental Health Association of Nassau County and a licensed chemical dependency counselor. “But it’s not uncommon for someone who experienced trauma to prefer the lifesaving responses — because it’s what has saved their lives and allowed them to feel safe.”
Therapy may help resolve emotional and mental health challenges, and this could facilitate attitude change as well.
Yes, you can change your habits, both negative and positive.
In fact, as you age, face new challenges, or engage in new routines, your habits may tend to change so you can adapt to the new circumstances.
But, there’s a distinction between habits and behaviors. In general, behavior is an action that can be observed and that comes as a response to internal or external influences.
Habits are behaviors you’ve repeated so often that they become automatic for you and no longer require your intention or conscious thought to be executed. For example, leaving your keys at the console table next to the door or getting that cigarette out whenever you feel anxious.
People can change habits by becoming aware of them and purposefully modifying that behavior enough times until the new habit becomes automatic.
Some habits may require you to explore their root cause, though. For example, if a habit is associated with anxiety, you may want to work at reducing anxiety first.
Before attempting to change what you think it’s a bad habit, it’s important to understand why you do it.
This will help you sustain the change.
“For example, most people would identify smoking as a bad habit,” McQueen explains. “A person living with anxiety or bipolar disorder who utilizes smoking to calm and ground them may find this to be more of a coping tool versus a bad habit.”
Gaining this understanding may help you change a habit that may be harming you, like smoking, and replace it with effective coping skills.
“Yes, people can change, but it’s not that simple,” says Misty Smith, a licensed professional clinical counselor in Michigan.
Personality traits aren’t static and they may change with age and time. However, core personality traits tend to be longstanding, stable, and persistent.
Personality traits are your characteristic patterns of behaviors, thoughts, and emotions. For example, persistence, generosity, and honesty are personality traits.
These traits exist on a spectrum so you may be more or less persistent than your sibling even if both have that same characteristic trait.
“People evolve and change over time,” Smith says. “Our interests and approach to the world changes. Our experiences change who we are, and how we internalize and interpret the world around us.”
Because of this, you may be a generous person, but may in time become less generous with certain people or in specific scenarios, for example.
Core personality traits may be less likely to change, even at will.
Known as the Big Five, these core traits are:
- extraversion
- agreeableness
- openness
- conscientiousness
- neuroticism
They also exist on a spectrum. For example, in the extraversion spectrum, you can be an introvert, an extrovert, or somewhere in between.
“It’s not as easy to change those core aspects,” Smith explained. So, it’s not likely to go from being an introvert to an extrovert, for example.
Yes, people can change behaviors, but they need to first become accountable for those, and then be convinced they should (or want to) change them.
Hurtful behaviors — such as lying, cheating, dismissing, or controlling — are often habits that turn into harmful behavior patterns. They may also be associated with mental health challenges, which makes change more difficult.
Research from 2020 explains personality may be shaped by an interaction between multiple sources, from genes to events and social relationships, rather than only one source.
Personality development isn’t linear, and change isn’t either. Though harmful behaviors may have begun as survival or coping mechanisms in childhood, the 2020 study showed positive influences and relationships, like friendships and family, can increase the chance for someone to change those behaviors.
“No one is born acting or behaving a particular way,” McQueen said. “Behavior is learned, and so it can also be unlearned. This implies that change is more than possible — it’s actually likely.”
When a hurtful behavior is associated with a mental health condition, though, professional support may be needed for people to change.
Even then, depending on the condition, sometimes change isn’t likely.
For example, someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) may lack the insight to identify problematic behaviors or the need to change. They may also be less likely to seek support and resources when those behaviors impact their lives.
“People engage in behaviors that serve their purpose,” says Smith. “We engage in the behaviors that provide something for us.”
Ileana Arganda-Stevens, a licensed marriage and family therapist in California, says the capacity for change grows in the presence of six vital aspects:
- motivation
- support
- determination
- consistency
- self-awareness
- self-compassion
If you have a few or all of the above, you’re more likely to change behaviors, attitudes, or traits.
“When we start to show ourselves more self-compassion,” she says, “rigidity begins to relax, and we become more flexible and open to trying new things and making meaningful changes in our lives.
”
Motivation is also key, according to Smith.
You may want to change your attitude because it’s affecting your ability to maintain relationships; someone else may want to change their habits because they’re impacting their ability to contribute at work. Another person may want to change hurtful behaviors because they’re impacting their bond with their children.
Not everyone is willing or able to change, though.
This may be because it’s not the right time, or the individual may not realize there’s a need for change. Maybe they lack the insight to understand how the behavior or attitude is affecting their lives. Maybe these behaviors are linked to emotional pain or trauma, and until that is resolved, change is more challenging.
Why people don’t want to change depends on the situation. “The pattern or habit is a tool that allows the person to cope with a deeper struggle,” explains Smith.
People can change when they’re self-aware, receive support, and become intentional about behaving differently.
But, change takes time and it may be challenging in some cases. For example, if you live with a mental health condition that involves lifelong symptoms that may impact your attitude, habits, and behaviors.
Can People Change? A Look at What's Realistic
Most people agree: Everyone makes mistakes.
You might use this phrase to console a loved one who’s done something they regret or boost self-compassion when you mess up yourself.
Perhaps you add the reassurance, “You’ll do better next time,” or vow to use your experience to improve in the future.
These common sayings imply people can change — and they absolutely can.
Anyone can make an effort to alter specific habits or behaviors. Even some aspects of attitude and personality can change over time… with some dedicated effort.
Yet while people can change, not everyone does. How can you tell if someone will ever really address certain behaviors? What factors make improvement more likely?
Keep reading to find out.
Change is often complicated, and it doesn’t always happen the way you envision. The following reminders can help you maintain a realistic perspective about the process.
You can’t force change
Simply telling someone “You need to change” usually won’t work.
Before someone can make lasting change to a specific behavior or trait, they need to want to make those changes.
You can certainly offer encouragement and support or set an example of positive change, but you can’t control anyone else’s actions.
Ultimatums sometimes inspire behavioral change because they illustrate what’s at stake:
- “Either you stop drinking or I leave this relationship.”
An ultimatum may not work, however, when the other person views it as an attempt to exert control. What’s more, they probably won’t commit to a lasting effort unless they truly care about the consequences.
Change takes time and effort
If you’ve ever resolved to change something about yourself, you likely understand this decision is only the beginning.
After setting a goal, such as “Stop showing up late,” you probably explored reasons behind your frequent lateness:
- trouble getting up in the morning
- frequently misplacing keys
- a tendency to lose track of time
Once you had a clearer idea of what you could do differently, you probably tried to put your plan into action. Maybe you tried setting your morning alarm 15 minutes earlier or attached a key hook to the back of your front door.
But even the best intentions don’t yield immediate improvement. You might have needed to experiment with different strategies to find one that really worked.
When hoping for change from someone else, don’t expect overnight success. They’re going through the same process. Encouraging them and praising their efforts can help build up their determination to keep trying.
Change doesn’t always follow a linear path
Even someone with a sincere determination to change won’t always succeed the first time, or the second.
It’s easy to slip back into old habits at first, sometimes without realizing it.
It often helps to reconsider your strategy and explore other methods of managing triggers before trying again.
That said, true commitment to change generally shows up in noticeable effort and progress.
Say your partner teases you whenever you disagree.
After some discussion, they admit they do this to lighten the mood because they dislike conflict. When they realize it hurts you, they agree to stop. They succeed for a few months but eventually fall back into the habit.
When you call it out, they decide to go to therapy to address the underlying issues related to their fears around conflict.
Various factors combine to make up personality, values and beliefs, and behavior.
Some of the biggest factors include:
- genetic predisposition to certain traits
- childhood environment
- life experience
In the past, experts largely believed personality traits tended to remain relatively fixed, once developed.
More recent findings suggest personality can change throughout life, even into older adulthood.
In fact, personality seems to change most between the ages of 20 and 40 years old.
One possible explanation for this involves the self-exploration process common in early adulthood, which may promote self-directed change.
While your traits aren’t set in stone, some characteristics are more easily adaptable than others.
With encouragement and effort, most people find it possible to change aspects of self, such as:
- habits and behaviors
- attitude and outlook on life
- physical or verbal responses
Research suggests people can work to address areas of their personality they feel dissatisfied with, though this change often happens indirectly —more on that below.
What about people who cheat or lie?
Many people wonder whether people who do hurtful things — lie, cheat, or manipulate, to name a few — can really change those behaviors.
In theory, yes, anyone can stop doing something if they choose to do so. The problem typically lies in what prompts the behavior and their willingness to address that emotional trigger.
Infidelity and lying happen for any number of reasons, and if those underlying causes go unaddressed, the behavior likely won’t change.
The same goes for manipulation. Many people learn to manipulate to get their needs met, and this behavior can develop in childhood as a defense mechanism.
It’s often difficult to address ingrained strategies for coping and survival, but people can, and often do, learn new behaviors with support.
Considering broader behavior patterns can help. Someone who regrets their actions and expresses interest in growth may succeed at making changes.
But someone who insists they’ll really change “this time” yet shows no remorse and makes no effort to do anything different? They may not be ready to address their behavior.
While people are generally capable of change, there are some aspects that are less likely to change.
Core personality traits
While personality does continue developing into adulthood, core traits tend to remain relatively stable throughout life.
These traits, known as the Big Five, include:
- openness to experience
- conscientiousness
- extraversion
- agreeableness
- neuroticism
These key elements of personality tend to evolve in smaller ways instead of changing completely.
Someone who’s fairly introverted in early adulthood, for example, probably won’t swing toward extroversion. Instead, they might work to become more social by seeking out and cultivating important relationships.
People who do want to make changes in personality may find it most helpful to address beliefs and coping mechanisms associated with specific personality traits, not the traits themselves.
Say you’re fairly untidy and have a tendency to procrastinate on projects and chores.
When you notice these traits occasionally cause problems in your relationships, you make a greater effort to complete things on time and keep your living space more organized.
You didn’t directly change your level of conscientiousness.
Instead, you changed your response, perhaps by reminding yourself to stay on task when you feel distracted or telling yourself your partner doesn’t want to see dirty laundry overflowing from the hamper.
Emotions
Emotions and emotional responses may not change easily, either.
Even unpleasant or painful feelings can have a lot of significance, and it’s tough to “turn off” emotions. (Even when you can, you shouldn’t — this can affect well-being.)
By acknowledging and accepting them instead, you can teach yourself to react in more helpful ways.
Mental health conditions
Similarly, you can’t entirely get rid of most mental health conditions, whether that’s depression, anxiety, or a personality disorder.
But you can improve your symptoms by seeking treatment and learning new ways to cope.
Once you realize the need for change, you’ll move through a few stages:
- contemplation: thinking about the change
- preparation: getting ready for the change
- action: implementing the change
- maintenance: sticking with the change over time
It’s common (and very normal) to experience setbacks along the way. The factors below can help improve your chances of a successful outcome.
Motivation
Outlining some of the reasons behind your desire for change can help you feel more committed. When you get stuck or discouraged, these reasons can renew your desire to keep trying.
Once you decide on a change you want to make, list your reasons. Reviewing this list whenever you struggle can make a big difference in your determination to stick with it.
If a loved one shares difficulties making progress with a change, help boost their motivation by reminding them of what they’re working toward and what they stand to gain.
Visualization
Your brain can’t always separate imagination from reality, so mentally “seeing” your success may actually help you achieve it.
Visualizing yourself succeeding at your goals can help your brain believe you actually can succeed. The more you believe in yourself, the greater your chances of improvement.
Try these visualization exercises to practice envisioning your success.
Positive feedback and support
When you hesitate to acknowledge the possibility of change, you give others less motivation to make an attempt. They might think, “Why bother if no one has faith in me?”
You can help increase a loved one’s chances of success by offering encouragement instead of doubt.
Try:
- asking about their progress
- praising their attempts
- joining them in making positive change
Keep in mind that the same applies to you. If you don’t believe you can change, you might not succeed.
Generate positive support by telling loved ones about your goals.
They can offer encouragement, cheer you on, and strengthen your faith in yourself.
Effort (not ability)
Getting stuck on your perception of your abilities can sometimes stop you before you even get started.
If you’re naturally shy, you might think, “There’s no way I can get to know new people on my own.” Convinced you lack the ability to change, you might continue avoiding social situations, even though you want to make new friends.
A better approach involves exploring ways to achieve growth.
For example:
- “Talking first is too much, so I’ll start by smiling and making eye contact.”
- “I’ll introduce myself to one new person each week.”
- “Today, I’ll say hello to two coworkers.”
After you successfully complete these smaller steps, the end goal might seem more achievable.
You can also encourage a loved one with this strategy. As they practice a new behavior or work to break a habit, offer encouragement and recognition of their effort instead of focusing on end results.
Therapy
Some change requires professional support. Not everyone has an easy time addressing certain behaviors on their own, and some changes require professional support.
In fact, the behaviors and characteristics that cause the most harm — dishonesty, infidelity, low empathy — are often the most difficult to address.
But therapy can help with any type of change, whether that involves:
- breaking unwanted habits
- rebuilding trust
- overcoming addiction
- increasing empathy
- addressing mental health concerns.
A therapist can help you (or a loved one):
- uncover factors contributing to the unwanted behavior or personality trait
- explore strategies to promote new behaviors
- develop a plan to manage triggers and maintain effort over time
Even behaviors associated with personality disorders, which were once considered extremely difficult (if not impossible) to treat, can improve with professional support.
In therapy, you’ll find compassion and guidance, not judgment, so don’t hesitate to reach out.
Change is a possibility, not a given.
It’s important to recognize that people can change, but it’s just as important to know when to move on.
In most cases, change doesn’t happen until someone wants it for themselves. If they don’t seem willing to address problematic behaviors, waiting and hoping may simply leave you in a position where you accept pain again and again.
If you’d like more guidance on your specific circumstances, a therapist can always offer support.
Crystal Raypole has previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy. Her fields of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health. In particular, she’s committed to helping decrease stigma around mental health issues.
Can we change? | PSYCHOLOGIES
Know Yourself
“This was an interview with a third employer.
I was terribly worried. But as soon as I entered the office, I seemed to have a second wind. I seemed to be transformed - the usual anxiety disappeared, giving way to some unfamiliar confidence. Now, six months later, 38-year-old Natalia is in the same position she got that day. Although she still often worries, because the usual self-doubt returned to her, which then let her go only for a while. nine0003
Probably everyone has experienced a moment when suddenly we were able to overcome our own barriers and confidently take a step forward. In such a situation, we do not become a different person - we just use our best qualities. If only such an experience could become a part of everyday life! If only we could put an end to morbid timidity or uncontrollable anxiety and walk towards the unknown calmly and confidently!
We confuse fantasies and the real fact of change, deep internal change with external, superficial changes
Change, inner metamorphosis — isn't that what coaches and psychotherapists are leading up to? One look at the shelves of any bookstore reserved for psychological literature gives the answer to this question: “Change your life in seven days!”, “Transform to become happy!”, “Look at life in a new way!”.
But, according to the existential psychotherapist Svetlana Krivtsova, we will make a serious mistake if we take these tempting promises literally: “Complete transformation is hardly possible: physical data, intellectual abilities, upbringing, that is, everything that underlies personality, it's very hard to change." Such slogans are based on a misunderstanding of change: we live in an era when any change seems feasible - on the screens and in magazines we see people who managed to literally break through to prosperity, to become stars. nine0003
“In our time, drastic changes in professional, love or geographical terms are a common thing,” business coach Olga Mukhina agrees. - So it seems to us that it is possible to turn your life around 180 degrees in the blink of an eye. But we confuse fantasies and the real fact of change, deep internal change with external, superficial changes.
What can be changed
Psychoanalysis initially outlines the boundaries: we cannot radically change ourselves.
But we are able to start living differently - it is better to use the qualities that we possess. To end the fears that poison our lives, to cope with anxiety, to get rid of addictions ... Each such step is the key to internal changes. nine0003
“Before, speaking in public, in front of any audience, was a nightmare for me,” recalls 29-year-old Mikhail. Through group therapy, he learned to conquer anxiety. “I still worry, but now I know that somewhere inside me there is also a confidence that can make me stronger. The therapy helped me connect with that part of myself.” To change does not mean to become different, but, in the words of Nietzsche, "to become oneself" ... only better.
We want to go beyond the usual schemes with only one goal - step by step to come to ourselves, to our true essence
But what about a pessimist who would like to become an optimist? Or a person exhausted by stress and dreaming of peace of mind? “You already have everything you dream of,” Olga Mukhina replies.
- Simply due to family or personal circumstances, you "specialized" in one or another trait of your character. And so long ago that they had time to believe: this is your nature. But even if a person has been suffering from depression for many years, joy still lives in some corner of his soul. The only question is how to change the attitude, your view of the situation and your behavior, shift the emphasis. nine0003
The process of change in this case will require a different look at the world, at oneself and at other people, in order to “disconnect” from depression and turn to joy. “To change means to learn how to manage the scales, while not giving up your former self,” continues Olga Mukhina. “Qualities of character, because of which something didn’t work out in the best way earlier, sadness or anger, anxiety continue to live in us and at some other moment in life can be very useful.”
Why is it so difficult
Thirst for change is not a whim or a whim. It not only expresses dissatisfaction, but also reminds of a vital need.
“The snake that cannot change its skin perishes,” wrote Nietzsche. The desire to transform, grow above oneself, develop is in human nature. In a sense, it distinguishes us from other animals, helps to go in the same rhythm with the natural movement of life.
You cannot enter the same river twice — and the desire to change leads us through life, which is movement. Especially if we want to go beyond the usual patterns of behavior in order to get a little closer to ourselves every day. nine0003
“Many of the features we have are only partly ours,” explains psychotherapist Alain Delurme. “We inherited them from our parents. Internal changes are the way to gain independence.” We try to separate ourselves from the projections of the family and society. And that's why it's so difficult...
“How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but it is necessary that the light bulb itself wants to change! As with any joke, you can see some truth in this one, reminds Alain Delurme.
nine0003
“In order to change, it is not enough to recognize the need for it and declare it. The one who says: “I am in a bad mood, I want to become more cheerful” does not necessarily want to change. Maybe he wants to complain and hopes to be heard. The very desire to change is already work. Because by nature we resist change.
What to expect from others
The work of change goes against the unconscious desire: even if the habitual way of life seems unbearable, we benefit from it. He teaches to meet the expectations of others, gives his "face". And to change means to disrupt an established life, perhaps to upset loved ones ...
“I lived in anguish for a long time — I was often discouraged, I took every failure hard,” admits 34-year-old Marina. “A year ago I turned to a psychoanalyst because I was tired of my gloominess, and I couldn’t look at life differently.” During psychoanalysis, Marina discovered that her melancholy was a response to the depressive nature of her grandmother who raised her.
“I was unconsciously afraid that being different would mean breaking the bond with my grandmother.” To change, we need to understand that we can keep the object of love, while separating from the emotions associated with it. For Marina, it was sadness. nine0003
“Change without outside help is very difficult,” confirms Svetlana Krivtsova. “We need the support of a person who will help us look at the usual image of ourselves from the outside, see our own reflection in the views of loved ones, and realize what we would like to look like.” Otherwise, there is a danger of becoming a living illustration of the words of La Fontaine in the fable "The Cat Turned into a Woman": "Drive nature through the door - it will fly in through the window."
Inner conservative
Some part of the personality does not want to change and blocks any efforts. This is how resistance works. This is a universal property of the psyche - to counteract the awareness of those desires, ideas, feelings that can destroy the usual image of oneself, lead to a change in lifestyle or relationships that we value.
Sigmund Freud was the first to note this mental feature. nine0003
Working with patients with hysteria, he noticed that at a certain moment the patient began to resist treatment: he seemed to refuse to be aware of repressed painful memories - those that caused anxiety, feelings of guilt or shame, aggression. He preferred not to know, and the psychoanalyst helped him overcome this resistance. And although the concept of "resistance" mainly refers to the technique of psychotherapy, it can be observed in everyday situations.
What will help you become better
Business coach Olga Mukhina encourages you to think about the motives that underlie the desire for change.
1. You can't change for the sake of others
Someone wants to change, for example, in order to keep a loved one. But we have no power over the desire of another. When we try to change for someone, we interpret their needs in our own way. And initially we start from the wrong positions.
We are changing for ourselves.
Change must be a personal act. The good news is that another, such as our child, will also benefit from the results of the transformation. nine0003
2. It is impossible to change by running away from reality
Love failure, daily overload, stress… We are seized by the desire to quit everything and start from scratch. But when we run away, we run into what we wanted to escape from. Yes, we left work from annoying colleagues, but at the slightest failure, anger will seize again. To change, you must first defeat the inner demons.
We are changing to face life. To become better, you must be willing to deeply explore yourself and relationships with others, which means going through a crisis. It hurts because before you can change yourself, you have to question your own beliefs and face negative traits. nine0003
3. You can't change in revenge
For example, after a love break, start behaving completely differently than before. Such changes are based on lies to oneself, and therefore fragile and painful.
They bring pain because of the gap between who we want to appear and what we feel inside.
We change to enrich our own world. It means to open up to new things, to other people, to learn to hear and understand them. This will help to gain new strength to live and act "in the name" of something, and not "against". nine0003
Text: Elena Ratner, Elena Shevchenko, Galina Severskaya Photo Source: EMMANUEL PIERROT FOR PSYCHOLOGIES FRANCE
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A woman who went through a difficult relationship shared her experience.
When I was coming out of a difficult relationship, I held on to it mentally for a decent amount of time. That is, I understood that there would be no sense, but it still seemed to me that I could fix something. nine0003
When the fog of euphoria cleared, I began to see all the psychological features of the other person. I always knew them in the depths of my soul, but, like most of us, I was sure that love is capable of everything that a person can change.
I was looking for articles on addictions, on character accentuations, on the nature of infantilism and manipulation, and so on and so forth. She threw it on her page, showed the person:
Look, here it is! That's what's happening! In you, like this, like this, and like that, everything is arranged! nine0128
Guess what I got in return? That's right, aggression and "the fool herself." And how did you want? What you point your finger at a person hurts. All special behaviors are psychological defenses against mental wounds.
These are behavioral strategies developed over the years that allow you to exist relatively comfortably in the world without being integral personalities.
Now I can say with certainty that a person can change. A person can really change. But only in one case (read carefully!) - WHEN YOU WANT IT. nine0003
You probably think that you will become the very motivator for whom, for the sake of which, in spite of which your loved one wants to change? Don't flatter yourself. Your influence is no greater than the weather outside. Perhaps they will adapt to you, take an umbrella in case of bad weather, but change their beliefs, and even more - the structure of their personality - for the sake of clouds outside the window ... Are you in yourself?
Now, if a person himself suddenly ceases to be satisfied that he is sad in the rain, and he suffers in the heat .... When he himself gets tired, that he is deeply unhappy, unsuccessful, that life does not turn out the way he wants, or something else .
.. Or, what God is not joking, in a dream, an insight will visit that “it sucks I somehow live” ... Then everything is possible. nine0003
But you will already be far from the epicenter of the explosion... And it would be better for you to be far away, so that the blast wave does not cover you... Because to admit that "I myself was the cause of everything in my life" is a very difficult test. As a rule, the cause of failure is assigned to the one who is nearby ... Or was nearby ... For the time being, that person will go a long way to understanding with whom everything begins in our life ... If he wants to go ...
Donald Walsh wrote :
The best thing we can do for a person in love is to give him a big portion of himself. nine0128
It's not anger, it's not revenge, it's not "look how you'll be without me." It is a calm conviction that every person has the right to be and be with what he has in himself. Even the fact that you are temporarily (and this is always temporary) in a couple, does not give you the right to change the other person.
We are only responsible for ourselves. We are born separately from each other and we will go away on our own. Each of us has our own life and purpose.
Your will extends only to your life. And there is no need to build yourself out of the Lord, thinking that you have the right to influence the fate of another person. Leave others alone, take care of yourself. nine0003
Psychologists have a principle - not to solve the client's problems without a request. Yes, in fact, without a request, he has not yet become a client. Therefore, you should also follow this golden rule of the universe: do not interfere where you are not asked. I emphasize that an adult, mentally healthy (and it is not for you to judge his health) person is able to deal with his problems or ask for help if he cannot solve them.
Become the creator of your destiny - this is the best thing you can do in life. If someone needs to change around you, it will happen. You will become a motivator by the very fact of your realization.
