Woman dating older men
Why Younger Women Find Older Men Attractive (Is She Attracted To You?)
It's time to admit it: you're not as young as you used to be. But that doesn't mean you're past your dating prime!
The statistics speak for themselves. An incredible 56% of women state they prefer to date a guy older than them – and 45% of those women want their man to be between 5 and 15 years older than they are!
Those are some pretty good odds. But to make a safe bet, you need to learn a bit of female psychology. Get in the know, and who knows who you'll be dating this time next week!
As ever, it's my job to bring you guys up to speed. So, in today's article, we'll be covering:
- What Attracts Younger Women To Older men?
- Why Date A Younger Women?
- How Do You Tell If A Younger Woman Is Interested In You?
- What Are The Disadvantages Of Dating Younger Women?
#1. What Attracts Younger Women To Older men?
Summarizing everything that younger women love in older guys would take hours. However, there are some stand-out characteristics that we middle-aged guys possess over younger men, which the fairer sex finds absolutely irresistible.
Like a well-aged wine or classic car, there are certain things we can provide that the latest model never could.
Class and Maturity In Older Men
We've been through our crazy 20s and came out the other side. Wild all-nighters, booze-fueled partying, and risky business isn't aren't our deal anymore. Been there, done it, and earned the t-shirt as proof.
Do you really think women find wild-card 20-something-year-olds attractive? For a quick fling, maybe. But for true maturity and stability, who do you think they look to? You guessed it – us mature fellas!
In short, a slightly older man provides a level of maturity that younger guys just can't. They'll get there eventually, but while they catch up, we can reap the benefits of our years of experience.
Older Guys Can Look After Themselves
Do you think I still ask my parents for money or need their help doing my laundry or fixing a shelf? Of course not!
I'm guessing most of you guys are the same. You've had a family you needed to support, which means you had to learn specific skills to be a successful man. After a while, you pick things up pretty quickly and become the guy your family comes to for advice, support, and help.
Can you see why that would be attractive to a 30-year-old woman looking to start a family of her own? She has a choice, date a younger guy who doesn't know his butt from his elbow when it comes to DIY or date an experienced man who knows how to fix her problems without the help of his parents.
It's a pretty easy choice for her to make, let's be honest!
Older Guys Are More Romantic
I'll be honest – when I was in my 20s, I cared a lot about what my friends thought of me. If I showed my romantic side in front of any of my guys in the marines, they would tease me about it for weeks.
It's the same for most younger guys. They think that you can't be manly and romantic at the same time. Unfortunately, this often leads to them not treating their girl right and pushing her away.
As a middle-aged guy, I know this from first-hand experience – as do most older men. That very fact makes older men incredibly attractive to younger women. No woman wants a man who plays games and makes her feel unloved. Date a 20-year-old, and she risks being treated like an afterthought whenever her man's friends are in town. Date a 40-year-old, and she pretty much guarantees love and respect regardless of who's in the room.
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#2. Why Date A Younger Women As An Older Man?
So with all this talk of maturity, why would a guy want to date a younger woman? Won't she be just as immature as a younger guy?
A study conducted in Britain found that men don't reach complete emotional maturity until they're in their 40s, while women reach it by 30! That means a younger woman's maturity should match yours, provided she's around 30.
This actually explains why women prefer to date older guys – it's far more likely to be an equally mature relationship.
Of course, there's also the benefit of dating a woman who still has a younger person's energy and an open mind. Both men and women can begin to lose their enthusiasm as they grow older, so if you're an adventurous kind of guy, dating a younger woman may be a great way to find someone who matches your energy levels.
#3. How Do You Tell A Younger Woman Is Interested In You?
The fact is, telling if a woman is interested in you isn't the easiest thing in the world. At the end of the day, every woman is different and will act differently toward the men she has an attraction to.
However, there are certainly some general signs to look out for that will help you get a better idea of how a younger woman feels about you as an older man.
She Always Asks For Your Help
I'll preface this one with a warning: sometimes a woman just wants you to help her! There isn't always a romantic intention behind this.
However, if a young woman regularly asks for your help with tasks that show your value as a man – for example, DIY or demonstrations of strength – then she may be interested in you romantically.
The best way of telling is whether or not she seems like she could have done the task herself. If she seems like she's asking you to get your attention rather than because she genuinely needs help, then your luck might just be in!
She Laughs At Your Jokes
You're a funny guy. But you're not THAT funny.
If you've been talking to a young woman for a while and she consistently laughs at your jokes, this could be a sign that she is into you romantically.
Once again, proceed with caution. Laughter does not equate to lust and isn't a sign she's ready to jump in the sack with you. However, it does show that she finds you endearing and a joy to be around.
Laughter is a great starting point for attraction – the other stuff can develop from this if it becomes clear that she sees you as more than a friend, colleague, or acquaintance.
Bide your time, tell a few unfunny jokes to see if she still laughs, and start a conversation about your feelings when the time is right!
She Touches You For No Reason
Touching people isn't a normal thing to do in social settings. In fact, many people get weirded out by the idea of touching others.
So if a woman goes out of her way to touch your arm or gently nudge you, then that's a pretty good sign that she has some kind of feeling towards you.
Again, this does not mean she's guaranteed to be romantically obsessed with you. However, it's a great sign that she's comfortable around you and feels that she's on a level with you where she can get physical.
Usually, this gesture will be coupled with another one of the above. She may laugh at your joke and give you a nudge on the bicep. She might put her hand on your forearm when asking for your help.
Either way, it's always worth taking note of. If it starts happening regularly, chances are you've got a good chance at romance.
#4. The Disadvantages Of Dating Younger Women As An Older Man
Sorry to burst your bubble, gents, but as with anything good thing in life, there are downsides to older men dating younger women.
Regardless of maturity levels and romantic connections, two people at different stages in life will have different priorities and desires. That's a simple far – and it's unavoidable. Not that any of these things are reasons to rule out dating younger women, but I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't make you aware of the cons as well as the pros!
Wanting A Family
This may not be considered a negative thing for some guys. But for other guys who have kids to love and care for, dating a younger woman who wants to start a family may be tricky.
It's natural for young women to want to start a family – so when they look for a romantic partner, your potential as a father will come into play. In fact, it may be your experience as a great dad that makes you attractive to her!
In this instance, honesty is the best policy. If you're not open to the idea of kids (or more kids), then tell her. It would be unfair to lead her on, only to break her heart when you tell her the truth about your life priorities.
Prioritizing A Career
Young women are in the prime of life. At the age of 30, it's only natural for someone to want to push themselves to the limit and succeed in their professional lives. We can't blame them for that – we've all been there.
However, you need to consider whether you're still in that place. As an older guy, you may have already built your business or reached your professional goals. Now might be the time that you want to relax and reap the benefits of your hard work with the lady in your life.
Becoming involved with a young career woman might not be the best move if you're that guy. Sure, you can support her with your knowledge and experience, but when it comes to those long weekend getaways and cozy morning dates, a career woman will be far too busy developing professionally.
Other People Will Judge You
It's ridiculous that I even have to include this – but here goes.
Some people will judge older men dating younger women. It's a sad fact of life that you'll have to accept when dating a younger woman.
An age difference should not affect two people's feelings towards one another. It shouldn't stop you from developing a relationship with a great woman! However, if you're the type of guy who can't cope with a bit of judgment here and there, be careful when dating a woman younger than you.
The last thing you want is to become ashamed of yourself and your partner and start to push her away as a result. No woman deserves that.
Attracting women isn't easy, but I've got some killer advice to help you land that next big date. Click here to discover the 5 signs that she's DEFINITELY into you.
Why Do Older Men Date Younger Women?
Consenting adults come together for many reasons and age isn’t always a factor. Older men may fall for younger women and younger women may sometimes prefer to date older men.
While some people may believe the motives behind big age gaps in relationships are always sinister, older men may gravitate toward younger women for many valid reasons, and that may be the case for younger women dating older men, too.
Age and consent
This article discusses older men dating younger women where both partners are above the legal age of consent in their state.
If both partners are above the legal age of consent, it doesn’t mean consent is implicit. Asking for consent and both people being on the same page is key in any healthy romantic relationship.
If you’re below the age of consent and an adult’s behavior is making you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, help is available. You can:
- Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673 for confidential, 24/7 support.
- Visit Stop It Now! for online resources or reach out to their helpline at 888-773-8368.
- Visit Childhelp for resources to handle and report abuse or to chat live with someone who can help.
Why does anybody want to date someone else? There are infinite possibilities.
The vulnerability of young girls has made the older-men-dating-younger-women stereotype a predatory one.
While it’s true that some men may consider younger women easy targets for manipulation or control, there are less sinister reasons an older man may be drawn to someone younger.
Sometimes it just happens. You fall in love with the person and overlook their age. Other times, it’s actually the energy, appearance, and life perspective of a younger woman that may be attractive to an older man. In some instances, the intention may not be a healthy one. Every case is different.
A 2020 large-scale replication study examined mate preferences across 45 countries. Researchers found that most men placed a higher emphasis on appearance when it came to choosing a partner.
The reason behind it isn’t necessarily vanity.
Primitive humans seemed to have selected mates based on reproductive success. Features like youth, symmetrical bone structure, and wide hips in females were viewed as signs of overall health and vitality, which would ensure species survival.
On some level, the ancestral and instinctual attraction to such features may remain in both Eastern and Western cultures, as noted by a large international study from 2020.
This could be a reason why men, in general, may be attracted to younger women.
Stephanie Juliano, a licensed professional clinical counselor from Rio Rancho, New Mexico, points out women haven’t traditionally had the benefit of equality.
“Men initially had more privileges, and so it was not unheard of taking a younger partner to take care of, and on the other hand, a young woman leaving home was being taken care of both financially and socially,” she explains.
While the adult-child relationship dynamic has been denounced in some parts of the world, there’s still much work to do in that respect. It’s also possible that these practices have influenced dating culture and there may still be an undercurrent of older men dating consensual younger women based on wanting to be their provider.
Entering crisis mode
It’s probably one of the most discussed reasons for older men dating younger women: The midlife or identity crisis.
Do older men mentally resist aging by dating younger partners? Is the midlife crisis even real? There’s much discussion but limited research on the topic. Some argue that this is yet another stereotyped cliche that doesn’t have much proof behind it.
How old is “too old” when it comes to an age gap in relationships?
According to data accumulated over the course of 7 decades, in developed countries, the average age gap among heterosexual couples is 2 to 3 years.
In these relationships, the data indicates it’s more common for men to be the older partner.
Age gaps are rarely discussed until they’re considered “too big,” but there’s no hard rule about when an age gap becomes significant.
Reported satisfaction in a relationship may start to see diminishing returns if the age gap between partners is larger than 10 years, suggests an 80-paper review from 2016.
In misogynist cultures, young women dating older men may be often accused of being “gold diggers,” or just in the relationship for financial gain.
Research, however, shows that when it comes to establishing long-term relationships, the majority of women, of all ages, are typically interested in older men.
A large study of more than 12,000 participants in Finland found that most women prefer same-age or older male partners throughout life, while men, regardless of age, tend to prefer women in their 20s.
While women may also seek older men out of long-standing provider traditions, there are other reasons this matchup might be appealing.
Research suggests men take longer than women to reach mental maturity, making it reasonable for young women to feel more emotionally compatible and secure with older men.
The father complex
Young women who grow up with absent, emotionally unavailable, or abusive fathers may develop what’s known as the father complex.
The father or Oedipus complex isn’t a recognized disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition, text revision (DSM-5-TR), and it’s a controversial term. Originally a Sigmund Freud’s theory, the term and concept have been long controverted.
Initially, the theory described how children form a strong attachment with the parent of the opposite sex and start to compete for attention and love with parents of the same sex. This is part of the natural psychosexual development.
When a person stays psychologically stuck in this stage of development, they may experience challenges in adult relationships.
When it comes to younger women dating older men, some people refer to the complex as “daddy issues,” a gendered stereotyping term.
Only a mental health professional can accurately determine if a younger woman’s attraction to older men has roots in unresolved childhood conflicts.
What about older women and younger men?
A double standard may exist in some cultures that accept older men dating younger women. Older women dating younger men may not be seen so kindly, although it could be explained differently.
Mary Mimi Schultz, a licensed professional counselor from Houston, explains this is often because the component of vulnerability is missing from this dynamic.
“When a younger man dates an older woman, it is more accepted because she is not in the relationship for money, typically,” says Schultz.
In a chauvinist culture, an older woman may still be seen as the weaker one in the relationship, not the one taking advantage of a younger partner, which may happen to older men dating younger women.
When two people genuinely love one another and have built that love on commonalities, companionship, respect, and trust, a relationship can work — regardless of the age gap.
Patricia O’laughlin, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Los Angeles, says relationships with a large age gap may be wonderful opportunities for personal growth.
“There can be significant differences in beliefs between generations. It’s a real chance to learn how to consider multiple perspectives on an issue or experience,” she says.
Schultz adds these types of relationships also tend to have high levels of maturity, which can mean a lower chance of settling for less than ideal circumstances.
“Typically, an age gap difference means one is in it for the love and relationship,” she says.
Any relationship can face challenges, but research suggests age gaps like those in relationships between older men and younger women have been linked to:
As partners age, the older partner may not be able to meet the energy levels of the younger partner, or may feel inadequate.
Depression in older adults may also be linked to experiences unique to the age, like losing close friends and retirement, something a younger partner may not be able to relate to.
Infidelity and lack of relationship commitment
Although not a rule, it’s possible that younger partners may gravitate back toward people their own age, particularly if the older partner doesn’t have the same sex drive.
Infidelity isn’t exclusive to relationships with age gaps, though. As in any other case, trust and open communication are key to managing this challenge.
Lower relationship satisfaction
Many factors can influence relationship satisfaction. With a large age gap, partners may experience stress or anxiety from:
- social stigma
- different priorities in life, or goals that don’t align
- power dynamics
- clashing social circles
- age-related health challenges
How to manage challenges
Experts cite communication as critical for the success of relationships between older men and younger women.
Juliano recommends open communication about big life questions, right from the start.
“Are there common interests in life goals, religion, family, where do you see yourself, what do you want in the next 5, 10, 15+ years?” she suggests you ask yourself.
O’Laughlin explains that figuring out these questions and creating plans to address them can strengthen your relationship and decrease resentment and conflict.
If you’re unsure where to start, a relationship counselor can help you and your partner identify areas of concern and possible solutions.
Why would older men date younger women and vice versa? As with any other relationship, there are many factors involved. Emotional security, maturity, common life perspectives, physical attraction, and chemistry may be involved. Instincts and culture may also play an important part.
It’s also possible in some cases that unresolved relationship challenges with father figures or traumatic experiences may be at play. Only a mental health professional can determine if this is the case.
Having a big age gap doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is bound to fail. Open communication about life goals and expectations can help you and your partner build a foundation of trust and respect.
When a woman chooses a man much older: what does it mean?
Man and woman Know thyself
Everyone remembers from school days that girls develop faster than boys physiologically and, as a result, psychologically. While classmates awkwardly pull their pigtails and defiantly communicate only with each other, a good half of the girls are drowning in romantic dreams about Seryozha from 11 "A".
This trend persists until about 23-25 years old: peers are not very interesting, and girls choose older men. However, when the age difference is 10, 15, or even 20 years, the reason lies not only in physiology. nine0003
According to Freud
Sigmund Freud also wrote that parents become the prototypes of the partners we choose. Boys fall in love with girls who look like their mother, girls fall in love with men who look like their father.
Many women instinctively look for older men because they did not receive father's love, care and attention in childhood. There are many options, but perhaps they were not told in childhood: “I love you” or “You are my princess.” Or maybe the woman grew up in an incomplete family, where for some reason there was no father. nine0003
Another sad story, when the father was physically present, but emotionally he was not. A prime example is alcoholism. You cannot rely on such a father and get support. At the moment when he is most needed, he goes on a binge. And the girl is desperately looking for love, understanding and care from others and most often does not find it.
Fear of separation from parents
When a woman has not achieved full autonomy from her parents, she seeks to return to this relationship. She is afraid to lose the parent-child connection forever. It is cozy in the parental nest and I want the man nearby to become a senior comrade or guardian who will provide financially and help morally. Such a woman cannot (and more often does not want to) solve financial issues on her own and feels uncomfortable without support. She is very afraid of being alone. nine0003
Children are unconsciously passed on generic life scripts that are reproduced from generation to generation. A striking example is when all women in the family are unlucky with their husbands: they drink, beat or gamble, but their hands are “golden”. And women endure, raise children and pass this script on to their daughters.
In such cases, they say that it is “written by birth”. And if “it is written in the family” for a man in a couple to be older than a woman, he, obviously, will die earlier. And the woman will need to cope with this situation, survive it psychologically. nine0003
A man chooses a woman younger than himself also for a reason.
These relationships are often based on inequality, since parent and child are, by definition, unequal. The reverse side of security and comfort is the dominance of a man, in which a woman has to sacrifice her own "I", push it into the background.
A man can consider a woman as a material from which he molds an ideal partner. He can be annoying with constant instructions and moralizing. Considering himself more experienced and wise, he will single-handedly make important decisions for both. nine0003
It is very difficult to get along with such a person. Especially if he is jealous of his young and attractive wife, while he is rapidly aging. Then the desire to limit the communication of the partner with the same age will be added to the moralizing.
At the same time, a mature man is a reliable rear behind which a woman feels good for many reasons:
- Material benefit. A financially accomplished man is a reliable support for a family, in which a woman can take care of the house, hobbies and raising children without needing anything. nine0046
- Interesting personality. An adult man is a person who has seen and knows a lot. Of course, it is more interesting with him than with a peer who has not yet decided who he is and what interests him.
- Emotional support and care. With age, men begin to understand women a little, or at least pretend to. They know how to listen and support in difficult times, which can be difficult for young couples.
- Reliability. A mature man has already "worked up", he knows what he wants. It is not scary to create a family with him, you can rely on him. nine0046
- Sexual life. Experienced knows how, how much and what a woman wants, and is not obsessed with her sexual success.
- Different values and interests. Partners listened to different music in their youth, read different books, watched different films. On the one hand, this can be a problem, on the other hand, on the contrary, it increases interest in each other.
- Unflattering comparison with previous wives and partners. There is a risk of getting taunts about culinary abilities, habits, skills. The main thing here is to gently but firmly make it clear that you are you. What he was used to was left in the past, with which he himself decided to part. nine0046
- Reluctance to have children. He has children from previous marriages and wants no more. He, as they say, "ate" and wants to live for his own pleasure, while the young woman is ripe for the family.
- Disharmony in activity. An ideal weekend for a man is at home on the couch, and his partner misses skiing. Here it is important to negotiate, find compromises and spend leisure time both together and separately from each other. For example, one weekend you stay at home, the second you spend in nature, the third - the husband lies on the couch, and the wife goes skiing with her friend. nine0046
The chances of a long-term relationship
If the parent-child relationship suits both, the chances of the couple staying together are high. What is important is not the age difference as such, but how old each of the partners is. With age, we better understand who we need, learn to build relationships, discuss problems, instead of slamming the door, and try to be more condescending to each other's shortcomings. It all depends on the emotional maturity of each of the partners and the desire to be together, despite the differences. nine0003
About the author
Olga Kuznetsova is a psychologist, author of the Zygmund Trend channel.
Photo Source: Getty Images
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Man older girls: problem or luxury
At a young age, a man experiences a hormonal flowering: he agrees to any sexual experiments, because he wants to try everything at once. In adulthood, things are different - the man has already tried everything he could decide on, so now he prefers simple pleasures.
“First of all, his partner worries him: it is important for him that she gets maximum pleasure - then the man will also be pleased. He already had enough women, so he certainly will not disappoint you in bed and can even teach you a lot, ”comments Donlon. nine0003
The psychologist adds that men of age are more romantic and know how to look after beautifully - remember Carrie Bradshaw's dizzying romance with Russian artist Alexander Petrovsky.
“Breakfast in bed, a weekend in Paris, and flowers for no reason—women love beautiful gestures, and this is one of the reasons why they choose older men. By a certain age, men understand the value of such acts and are happy to do them, ”says Donlon.
It is easier to build a trusting relationship with a mature man
Another absolute advantage of a relationship with a man older than you can be his sincerity and honesty, which form the foundation of a trusting relationship. According to statistics, mature men are more committed to a serious relationship, because they received the necessary experience in their youth and are ready to settle down.
“An older man has already passed the stage when he could lie and cheat on his partner,” comments psychologist Helen Turoni. He has learned from his mistakes and knows what he needs to be happy. You can be sure that in relations with you he will be extremely honest and frank - he will expect the same from you. nine0003
Alec and Hilaria Baldwin, @hilariabaldwin
Relationship with an older man can be an attempt to replace the father
Psychologists believe that for all its advantages, a relationship with a mature man can indicate the presence of a serious psychological problem. The fact is that many women instinctively look for men older than themselves, because they did not receive fatherly love, attention and care in childhood.
“If a girl grew up without a father or he took almost no part in her life, it is quite natural that, becoming an adult, she will compensate for the lack of paternal love in relations with the opposite sex,” comments Helen Turoni.