3 people cuddling
How To Cuddle + 9 Best Cuddling Positions For Any Relationship
How to: Just sit or stand side by side, lean against each other, and hold hands.
Benefit: Holding hands can be both innocent and intimate. It's easy to naturally slip out of, too, by just letting go to reach for a glass of water or something in your pocket. "The option of closeness with the option to create more space without making a big deal out of it is the key thing to look for in new relationship cuddling positions," professional cuddlist Kassandra Brown tells mbg.
Illustration by Grace Lee
How to: Sit side by side and look at each other. Variations include putting your hand on their leg, putting your arm around their shoulders, or leaning your head on their shoulder.
Benefit: This position creates a sense of steadiness and connection between partners, says sexuality and emotional empowerment coach Shayla Tumbling, M. S., NCC. "It can be both comforting, reassuring, and intimate yet still allow space for some independence."
Illustration by Grace Lee
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How to: Sit crisscross on the couch or the floor. Have your partner lie down and rest their head in your lap, and then pet their hair.
Benefit: The reassuring caress of the hand over the hair may offer a feeling of deep comfort, which can lead to an increased feeling of connection, Tumbling explains. Overall, "this position can create a sense of comfort, relaxation, and security," she says.
Illustration by Grace Lee
How to: Sit side by side, face each other with your outer thighs and hips touching, then hug.
Benefit: Seated hugs can be more comfortable and sustainable than standing hugs, Brown says. Plus, they help cancel out height differences.
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How to: Sit with your back to the wall (or headboard of a bed) with your legs in a slight V-shape. Have the other person sit in front of you and lean back.
Benefit: This position can allow the receiving partner (the one leaning back) to feel supported, cared for, and desired, Tumbling says. Simultaneously, it may allow the giving partner to feel confident in being able to provide support. "This is another position that may increase feelings of connection and vulnerability—and on multiple levels," she says.
Illustration by Grace Lee
How to: Both partners should lie on their sides facing in the same direction. Little spoon: Rest your back against their stomach. Big spoon: Rest your stomach against your partner's back and wrap your arms around them.
Benefit: Similar to the lounge chair position, spooning can allow one partner to feel safe and the other partner to feel protective.
"With your partner lying behind you, holding you, you get the feeling of being supported and cradled," says Gigi Engle, certified sexologist and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life. "It's romantic because it gives you a feeling of unity and comfort."
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How to: One partner lies on their back, and the other partner lies on their side. The partner on their side nestles their head into the crook of their partner's arm and rests their arm over the partner's chest.
Benefit: "Lying in the crook of your partner's arm with your arm over their chest is very intimate," Engle says. "You're cradled and being held by someone, which can help foster feelings of love and closeness."
Illustration by Grace Lee
How to: Lie down next to each other with one partner resting their head on the other's chest.
Benefit: This position can increase softness and connection with a partner, Tumbling says. "As we are resting on our partner's chest, listening to their breathing, and feeling their heartbeats, we may be reminded of the sacredness of our humanity," she says.
Illustration by Grace Lee
How to: Pillow your heads on each other's legs and face one another.
Benefit: This creates a simultaneous flow of giving and receiving for each partner, Tumbling explains. "This may be beneficial for couples to engage in as they desire to increase intimacy or reconnection," she says.
Illustration by Grace Lee
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Many of the cuddling positions listed above are good for sleeping. Spooning and resting your head on your partner's chest are two of Brown's favorites.
"There is something very comforting about having my back completely held by someone I love and relaxing on the pillows," she says.
"As the small spoon, I usually have another pillow in front of me to make it more comfortable for my top shoulder and hip."
The most important thing when cuddling while sleeping is to make sure your arm doesn't fall asleep, New York City sex therapist Stephen Snyder, M.D., tells mbg.
"So in general, you'll want to make contact with your partner below the waist but leave your upper body free so your arms won't get pinned down." This could look like intertwined legs or touching back-to-back.
There's a neurochemical reason cuddling can help couples bond, Brown-James explains.
In response to the physical act of cuddling, the body releases hormones like oxytocin and dopamine that create feelings of closeness.
"Oxytocin, often nicknamed the 'cuddle hormone' or 'love hormone,' promotes feelings of wellness, pleasure, and overall happiness," says Engle. "It is the main neurochemical that allows us to bond with other people, especially a new romantic partner."
Here are some of the many other benefits of cuddling:
- Supports intimacy and bonding
- Improved sleep
- Reduced stress and anxiety
- Eases chronic pain
- Immunity support
- Improved cardiovascular health
There are many benefits to cuddling and ways to do it.
"Cuddling is a form of touch that can be both sexual and nonsexual," Brown-James says. "The wonderful thing about cuddling is that it can also be something that is just comforting and relaxing, as your brain still releases feel-good hormones in the body from closeness."
Whether you're at the start of a new relationship or have been with your partner for years, the physical act of cuddling can bring two people closer.
Always be sure to check in with your partner's wants and needs when it comes to physical intimacy and experiment to find out what works best for both of you.
The Best Cuddling Positions for Couples
While it may seem like it should come naturally, there is an art to cuddling. How does your body fit with someone else’s body? How does a furry friend like to nuzzle in alongside you? Why are your children’s feet sticking into your ribs?
Cuddling is a slow dance, just like sleep positions, and you’ve got to find your rhythm, whether it be with a sleeping dog, a partner in bed, or everyone piling on the couch.
“Cuddling is a crucial aspect of a long-term relationship because it connects you,” says Jaime Bronstein, a licensed therapist and relationship expert. “You need to stop and be intentional to make time to be physically close together.”
With that in mind, we put together an illustrated list of cuddling positions, to help you think about the ways you’re connecting with the people and pets in your life.
1. Spooning
Are you a hugger? You are now. Spooning is the classic cuddle, with 31% of couples opting to nestle together like a set of flatware. If you’re not aware, spooning takes place when lying down, with both people on their sides, facing the same way. The Big Spoon envelops the Little Spoon in a bear hug, tucking knees behind the little spoon’s knees. It’s a chance to be held or hold someone close and let life slow down for a minute.
Pros and cons: Relationship and intimacy expert Michaela Boehm says “spooning is optimal cuddling because being in touch with more of your body provides more comfort.
” But that closeness can make it difficult for the Little Spoon to extricate themselves from an embrace when the Big Spoon starts snoring.
2. The Sweetheart, or The Rom-Com
This is the real fit check, where one partner lays their head on the other’s chest. Then, the other partner wraps an arm around them like the safety bar coming down on a roller coaster to lock you in place.
Pros and cons: “It’s a nice cuddle. You can hear someone’s heart,” says Bronstein. “It subconsciously brings you back to your childhood and hearing a heartbeat.” But this snuggle can be like huddling for warmth, leaving one or both of you too hot to sleep.
3. The Mirror
Want to be close, but not feel someone’s breath on you? You’re not alone. The most popular cuddle — beloved by 42% of people — this pose has each person lie back-to-back while on their sides and facing away from each other. This might be the back support you’ve always dreamed of.
Pros and cons: This cuddle lets you and your partner move freely without waking the other person.
Similar to a sleep divorce, yet it is approaching the boundaries of what we would call a cuddle because it’s all too easy for the space between you to grow.
4. The Pretzel
When it comes to the Pretzel, it takes two to tangle. Here, two people’s top halves are separate; but their legs intertwine so they look like they’re ready to be salted and served with a lager at Oktoberfest.
Pros and cons: The reassuring pressure of your partner’s leg or foot can have a calming influence; however, keeping your legs entwined can lead to leg cramps at night, which can make it hard to stay asleep.
5. The Face-to-Face Embrace
There are no chaperones for cuddling. And 2% of couples take full advantage, cuddling (and then sleeping) in a sideways hug, as close as 8th graders wish they could be at a junior high semiformal.
Pros and cons: Your partner is front-and-center and all of your attention is focused on them, but Boehm notes that this “may not be ideal because the mechanics of the body can make it hard for both people to be comfortable.
”
6. Take a Lap
Leo Medrano
This one is a real snuggle attack. While your partner is lounging on the couch, sit next to them sideways. Lay your head on their shoulder and then pour as much of your body over their lap as possible. They’ll never see the hugs coming.
Pros and cons: A nice way for partners of different physical sizes to be close. Your partner can throw an arm around your shoulder. You can hop in their lap. But it can lead to arms or legs falling asleep before you do.
7. The Burrito
Leo Medrano
The love of a good swaddle doesn’t end in infancy — it’s nice to be tucked in tight no matter your age, and this cuddling position lets you wrap yourself up with your partner, too.
Grab a blanket and your partner. After they lie down on the couch, slide in by their side with both of you under the blanket.
Pros and cons: The blanket acts like a giant hug and keeps you close.
But it also traps heat, which might make you feel like you’re cuddling in a sauna.
8. The Pillow Replacement
Finding the right pillow can feel like an impossible task. But maybe the pillow you’ve needed all along is the person sleeping next to you. Here, one person is lying on their stomach while their partner’s arm supports their head and keeps them close.
Pros & cons: Cuddling is about caring and here one partner is literally reaching out for another. That said, people aren’t pillows and acting like one can lead to sore necks or arms that fall asleep before your partner does.
9. The Courtship
Cuddling doesn’t have to be complicated. With the Courtship, two partners are lying side-by-side with their hands clasped together. It’s a small gesture letting someone know that you’re there.
Pros & cons: “Holding hands is wonderful,” says Boehm. “It can help you get used to intimacy, to being close.” It may be a nice first step; but hands get sweaty and a tossing-and-turning partner might drag you across the bed like a fish on a hook.
10. Attack of The Sloth
Sometimes you’re the tree. And sometimes you’re the sloth. One partner is on their back and the other wraps their arms and legs around them in a hug that turns both of you immobile just like this cuddle’s namesake.
Pros & cons: It’s nice to be lazy and have Netflix ask you, “are you still watching that?” Yet, humans give off a lot of heat and extracting yourself from a sloth-like hug can be a challenge.
11. The Drawbridge
At the end of a long day, it can feel great to stretch out your legs on the couch. Here, you’re the head royal and you hold court on your sofa. While you’re sitting upright, your partner lays down and drops their legs across your lap like a drawbridge. This is a classic sofa cuddle — a cuddling gateway, if you will.
Pros & cons: A cuddling position that’s comfortable for two people and one of you can get a foot massage? Get outta’ here. On the other hand, not everybody wants feet on them and taking up the whole couch by laying down can unintentionally feel like a power play in a relationship.
12. The Yoga Retreat
There’s close and then there’s the Yoga Retreat. Here, you’re sitting down and facing your partner and then bringing them in for a deep embrace. You lock arms and forget the key.
Pros & cons: When you’re close and together, Bloom notes that you can “synchronize your breath and bodies,” to form a better connection, but an extended hug can start to feel awkward, just like eye contact held a bit too long.
13. The Long Day
Some days you need somebody to tell you, “It’s going to be OK.” And this is the cuddling equivalent of those words, where you rest your head in your partner’s lap. Swap in your lounge pants first because you’re probably not going anywhere for a while.
Pros & cons: It lends itself to head rubs, and is an easy way to have a conversation and comfort your partner; but it also may feel a bit too intimate for casual cuddlers.
14. The Barca Lounger
Why buy a recliner when you’ve got a partner? Part backward bear hug, part spooning-sitting-up, this position has one partner sit down and the other nestle inside their arms with their back to the first person’s chest.
And then, you lounge until somebody needs to get up for a drink.
Pros & cons: “Adults need to be held,” says Bronstein, and here you’ve both got back support while cuddling. Some partners may find it hard to get comfortable with the weight of another person on their chest or legs.
15. The Smooth Move
A simple yawn and stretch is the cliche that has anchored a thousand romantic comedies. And rightly so: Though cheesy, this position — an arm casually slung over your partner’s shoulders — is a hug without the face-to-face commitment.
Pros & cons: An arm over the shoulder can be platonic or romantic: It’s a low-stakes cuddle. However, your arm will definitely fall
asleep before you do.
16. Cuddle Huddle
How much cuddling can you pile onto one person? You’re about to find out. This starts simply with a pet in your lap; but then it builds as your partner snuggles up against your chest. Got kids? Pile ‘em on.
Then, you are all one immovable bundle of warmth.
Pros & cons: The sheer volume of cuddling will keep you present and your attention on your cuddle buddies. At a certain point, though, the warmth and weight may prove overwhelming.
17. Two Peas in a Pod
It’s late afternoon on a weekend and you’re nodding off with a podcast in the background when your dog seizes their opportunity to jump on the bed. They nestle up. You both stretch out. Each of you should feel free to blame the other for the drool on the pillow.
Pros & cons: “Pets help us relieve stress and lower our blood pressure,” says Boehm. “You have a little furry creature that is warm and positive.” Sadly, pets also kick and toss around in their sleep, so they’re not always the best nap buddies.
18. An Afternoon in the Park
Partners can be a pillow in a pinch. As your partner lies on their stomach, reading or napping, rest your head on their lower back.
Then, go ahead and look at clouds or let your thoughts drift.
Pros & cons: Cuddling without eye contact can feel less intimidating and Boehm notes that “it can help people get used to the steps of intimacy.” In this position, your connection might not feel as strong because you’re not facing each other.
19. Fit to a “T”
Relationships are like Tetris. You’re just looking for the perfect fit. And sometimes that means lying with your head on your partner’s stomach. Both of you can stretch your legs while catching up on the day.
Pros & cons: Your partner can run their fingers through your hair or rest an arm casually across your chest, but this cuddling session can also feel like an ab-day workout.
20. The Suspenders
A parent lying down is a homing beacon for children. They’ll snuggle up under your arms, wiggle in, and drape themselves across your torso. You will literally be covered in children.
Pros & cons: “Sometimes you fall asleep.
Sometimes they fall asleep,” says Bronstein of cuddles at night. “Kids are running around all the time. It’s nice to have them be calm.” But kids aren’t always still and a few kicks to the ribs may hinder full relaxation.
21. The Teddy Bear’s Teddy Bear
More adults sleep with a stuffed animal than you think. The Big Spoon has the Little Spoon to cuddle like a teddy bear in spooning; but what about the Little Spoon? This is where a dog or cat comes in handy, as they can crawl into the crook of the Little Spoon’s arm and peacefully cozy up to a pillow.
Pros & cons: Cuddle parties are terrific stress relievers; but the more (potentially) moving parts you add to your nighttime routine, the harder it can be to fall asleep. Instead try snuggling up to a body pillow such as the Tempur-Pedic Body Pillow.
What are the most popular cuddle positions?
When it comes to cuddling, there’s one thing many of us do with various friends and family in addition to our partners each day.
Hugs — which have been shown to reduce our stress hormones — are gateway cuddles.
“Sometimes a cuddle starts with a hug,” says Bronstein. “And then it feels so good that you just lay down.”
Spooning is the most cited and named cuddling position, which is why we listed it in our top spot. It’s a comforting position, especially for the little spoon, but it’s not ideal for long stretches of time, since both members of the spoon stay in the same position.
For overnight cuddling while you sleep, your partner likely has your back. Literally. As we mentioned above in “The Mirror,” a study at the Edinburgh International Science Festival found that 42% of couples sleep back-to-back.
Just as there are close talkers, there are also close sleepers. Nearly one in eight couples spend the whole night less than an inch apart.
What happens when you cuddle?
We need cuddles. They’re how we connect to the people around us.
“The, soothing, connected, loving touch of cuddling is one of the most important aspects of being socialized and feeling good as a human,” says Boehm.
But why does cuddling make us feel good? It all starts with skin-to-skin contact. When somebody touches us, our skin sends positive signals to our brain. Our brain then releases the hormone oxytocin.
“When we cuddle, feel good hormones like oxytocin are released,” says Bronstein. “That’s beneficial for a couple’s bonding; but also for one’s own feelings of loved-ness.”
Often called the “cuddling hormone,” oxytocin elevates your mood and prevents depression and anxiety. A recent study suggested that hugging may lower your blood pressure and heart rate.
In addition to helping you regulate your emotions, cuddling could help with family bonding, Broehm believes. “Oxytocin is what bonds people,” says Boehm. “And those bonds are important because that’s what allows us to put up with each other.”
If your partner isn’t available, don’t overlook the value of a quick snuggle with your dog or cat. As a bonus, Broehm notes “dogs offer affection without judgment.” Studies have shown that animals can make us more social, reduce stress, and literally help your heart.
What about cuddling and sex?
Cuddling, like every facet of a working relationship, needs an open and honest dialogue, particularly if there are different expectations around what happens after cuddling. Here, Boehm thinks it’s important to distinguish between cuddling and foreplay. She notes that sex is about excitement; but cuddling is about trying to calm down. She tells couples to talk first and make it clear that “we don’t have to get it on with every cuddle.”
While it may sound cliché, don’t forget about cuddling after sex. A study discovered that men and women were more satisfied with their sex life and relationship when they cuddled for a longer period of time after making love.
How often do people cuddle?
Cuddling, it turns out, is a bit like exercise. You might want to get in the habit of trying to cuddle a few times a week. In a recent Arizona State University study of cohabiting couples, researchers found that partners living together cuddled on average for 30 to 40 minutes a day, three to four days a week.
Those who cuddled more were happier in their relationship.
Regular, close contact is not just about physically being together. Bronstein believes that cuddling is how you build trust over time with your partner.
“That connection with another person is incredibly important,” says Bronstein. “Cuddling is really good practice for building a connection with a person and putting up with that person.”
Make time for cuddling
Boehm encourages couples to think of cuddling as a “preventative routine” for their relationship, helping to balance out the stresses in their lives.
“The longer you’re in a relationship, sometimes the less you cuddle,” adds Bronstein. “You do need to set aside time to cuddle.”
Cuddling lets two people synchronize their breath and bodies. And Bronstein contends that being more comfortable physically together allows us to be more willing to take on the other person’s emotional needs.
We also communicate through touch, with a study showing that strong emotions like fear, happiness, or sadness could be felt and understood through touch.
It’s not only about empathy, cuddling is a two-way emotional street. A study determined that stress is reduced in both partners when one is comforting the other. So, whether you’re being held or doing the holding, cuddling can cut down on your anxiety.
In the end, it’s about how the person or pup at the other end of the cuddle makes you feel.
“When you fall asleep next to someone cuddling,” says Bronstein, “it feels like home.”
What hugs are, and what each hug means
By hugs we express our affection, love and many emotions that cannot be expressed in words. Moreover, each emotion has its own kind of hugs. Imagine hugging a person you sympathize with and a person you are very glad to see after a long separation. When we're down, angry, upset, or sad, all we need is a big hug to lift our spirits. A sincere hug can heal broken hearts and resolve any differences. It is customary to hug when meeting, this is one of the forms of greeting and demonstration of friendliness.
However, sometimes hugs can be misinterpreted, apart from the subtext. What are they? Telling
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Hugs not only warm and soothe, but also tell how the person who hugs feels about you. Consider 25 types of hugs.
Contents of the article
25 types of hugs and what they mean
A strong hug
A warm hug, when you literally grab a loved one in an armful, try to hug your whole body and try to hug yourself. A gentle sigh or exclamation emphasizes closeness with a person. This is usually how they hug in emotional situations when you don’t have enough words to express the whole spectrum of feelings, for example, when you meet someone after a long separation or say goodbye for a long time. Only people you've known for a long time will feel comfortable in a tight hug.
Side hug
Not as intimate and deep as strong, more friendly. This is how relaxed people in a good mood hug. This type of hug is common between employees in the office or those posing for a photo.
This way of hugging a person looks casual, but it is a sincere and meaningful gesture. It can be observed at parties, meetings of old acquaintances, so people are charged with positive energy.
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Polite hug
A formal hug usually shared with colleagues or extended family in an attempt to create a social bond. A polite hug is usually short and quick. Requires adherence to boundaries and respect for the partner so that he does not feel uncomfortable or awkward.
Bear hugs
Perhaps the most sincere and meaningful. So really, tightly and close people hug in moments of joy or excitement: they wrap their arms around each other's bodies, and it looks quite intimate, but, as a rule, such hugs are platonic in nature. Bear hugs fill you with warmth, relieve stress and anxiety, and are considered a sign of caring for relationships.
Long hugs
Appropriate between those who have known each other for a long time - friends, relatives or lovers.
They're soothing and grounding, you may crave that kind of hug when you're feeling down. To hug like this, you need to take the other person in your arms and hold tightly, sending a signal that you are nearby. A long hug gives warmth, emotionally fuels a romantic mood, and speaks of your incredible chemistry with a partner.
A hug from the back
This hug is a surprise, means deep feelings or often occurs in happy moments. A hug from behind expresses your strong physical connection in a trusting and intimate relationship, indicating that two people love each other. A gentle movement from the back will express what even millions of words cannot express.
Hugs that invite intimacy
Closely, gently, with deep eye contact - this is how lovers hug, and such hugs have a sexual connotation, emphasize the physical connection and mutual trust between two people.
Bridge hug
Grab only the upper parts of the participants' bodies, the lower parts do not touch.
A "bridge" is a formal but often cordial hug between people who keep their distance. It often looks awkward: politicians, businessmen can hug like this, they use such hugs to establish social ties and official relations.
Eye-to-eye hugs
Couples at the beginning of a romantic journey and people in a mature relationship get lost in each other's eyes and express their love in this way. A personal, intimate hug indicates a strong, deep connection between two people. A slow dance with a kindred spirit often leads to such hugs and silent sighs.
Pocket hugs
These hugs are passionate and sometimes casual. Pulling your partner towards you by the area where the back pockets are located and receiving a hug in return means showing tender feelings for each other and the reliability of your relationship.
Hugs-pats
A hug and a pat on the shoulder is a proven way to cheer up and cheer up a sad or depressed person. This is a platonic, friendly kind of hug.
Quick hugs
They are sometimes thought of as impassive and cold, but they are not. But the romantic subtext is rarely embedded in such embraces. This is a way to show joy to a person, even if you are in a hurry.
Friendly hugs
Have you ever put your arm around your friend's shoulders or waist? This is a friendly hug (and no love overtones!) Just warm, kind and mutual. Brothers and sisters can also hug.
Head to head
Pressing heads together and freezing is how people in deep romantic relationships like to hug. Such hugs can be long - in them we feel comfortable and safe. Usually we press our head against the head of someone we love madly and trust completely. This type of hug is an intimate gesture that indicates mutual trust and deep commitment to each other.
Flying over the ground
Such hugs are full of happiness, they speak of the power of joy that you feel when you meet a person, for example, after a long separation.
Surely you have seen many scenes of meeting at the airport, when one person picks up another and circles above the ground, laughing.
Hugs around the waist
Sometimes this gesture can look familiar, sometimes it can look formal (when the partner barely touches the waist of the other and, as it were, directs the person to the desired goal). Such hugs can indicate both strong and casual relationships, but in any case, they indicate that they want to spend more time with you. A tighter squeeze around the waist can turn into a passionate hug and more. Body language can say a lot about you and your partner.
Puppet hugs
Sometimes hugs are unequal: one of the participants feels constrained, not at ease and does not want to hug, but “gives in”. Perhaps he does not want to be in this relationship or work to improve it. From such hugs it breathes coldness and detachment. Sometimes you can be mistaken in the true motives of the "cold" hugging partner - he can be a close friend, just very shy and does not like tactile contact.
Casual hugs
Common at parties to create a friendly and fun atmosphere and form social bonds. Such hugs can be long, but still mean nothing - it's just a sign of politeness and goodwill. Casual hugs are not intimate at all and can occur between friends of either gender.
Dance hug
On a date, at a party, at a wedding - when two people dance, hugging and not paying attention to the world around, it means that there is an incredible "chemistry" and a deep connection between them. They want to remain indefinitely in close arms and do not take their eyes off each other. And the world will wait.
Hug-trap
This is when you rush into open arms from a run, when you are caught and not released. This happens when people met who missed each other, who had not seen each other for a million years or were forced to communicate at a distance and finally saw each other live. There is a lot of good energy and real emotions of happiness in such embraces.
Flirtatious hugs
Flirtatious hugs that can start a romantic relationship or rekindle broken ties. A flirtatious hug suggests a light touch and a hint of increased interest in you. This is typical of outgoing people who try to explore your mutual chemistry without saying anything directly. A flirtatious hug is a pleasant gesture with a touch of exclusivity that conveys your affection and interest.
Self hugging
Psychologists often advise hugging yourself. You can’t always depend on another in anticipation of hugs. Sometimes you can give attention to yourself by clasping your shoulders and expressing love for yourself. Such rituals soothe, return to the boundaries of the body and give confidence.
Full hugs
Occur between close people, when one literally "digs" into the other or wraps his arms and legs around as if he wants to merge into a single whole. It's so sweet to cuddle in the morning in bed or while watching a movie together on the couch! This type of hug signifies the loving and caring nature of your relationship.
Group hug
Gather your gang! These are those special people with whom you have something in common, deep relationships and mutual understanding. It can be a coach and his students or employees of a small friendly office or a “great three” (five, etc.) of friends. Warm shared hugs launch a wave of energy and nourish everyone, there is nothing cozier and warmer than hugging everyone together.
One-way hug
Probably the most awkward hug imaginable. One person hugs and the other does not participate. You may feel cold and uncomfortable when you are discounted. You may feel unwanted. Assess the dynamics of your relationship, and perhaps you will understand when hugs turn into an obsessive action that only one needs. You should not invade the personal space of another person without feedback and request.
When is hugging inappropriate?
- When a person feels uncomfortable.
- When forced to hug a person who does not want it.
- When in the process of hugging there are too many touches that a person does not like.
What is the appropriate time to hug?
Usually 5-10 seconds is sufficient. If you want a long hug, make sure your partner wants it too.
What is a frame hug?
Conditional hugs, when two people stand at a distance from each other, bend at the waist and touch only with their hands.
The body language of people hugging can reveal a lot about their relationship, whether it be friendship, love, cooperation, family ties, and so on. And for each type of connection, a different type of hug is suitable. And although hugging has become the norm in general, not all people like it, so before hugging, make sure that you do not violate the person’s personal boundaries. And knowing the types of hugs will help you avoid confusion and maintain respect in any relationship.
What are the benefits of hugs?
Any hug (except one-sided) improves our psycho-emotional state and physical health.
It is believed that people need to hug several times a day to be happy, contented and healthy. Here are the benefits of hugging:
- Reduce stress
- Increase immunity
- Lower blood pressure and normalize heart rate
- Improve sleep
- Reduce the risk of depression
- Promotes the production of oxytocin, the hormone of love and connection.
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How much and how to hug for health?
Next to Tatyana's Day - Student's Day - there is another holiday to which students are directly related.
Next to Tatyana's Day - Student's Day - there is another holiday to which students are directly related. January 21 is International Hug Day. It would seem that hugs are an ordinary thing. But it's like with health: you don't notice it when it's there. The lack of hugs, as the journalists of the Voice of Cherepovets found out, can lead to serious problems, and the presence, on the contrary, can improve health.
Basic contact . Who first came up with Hug Day is unknown to science, but in 1968 in the United States, on the initiative of students, a holiday was held, which was called National Hug Day. According to another version, the authorship belongs to an Australian student who, having arrived in Sydney, felt so alone that he stood at the airport building holding a sign with the words "Free Hugs" in his hands. Be that as it may, students have always been the main activists of the Hug Day, and nowadays they more often than others (usually in big cities, including Moscow and St. Petersburg) hold events in honor of this holiday. Usually these are actions when they offer to hug passers-by on the streets.
Meanwhile, hugs are not trifles, as many people think.
“The role of hugs is extremely important,” says Alexander Vikulov , director of the Ascension Interdepartmental Service for Children and Youth, psychologist and psychotherapist.
- In humans (and some higher animals), it is through touch that the basic contact with the world occurs, from the very moment of birth. There was such an experiment with monkey cubs without a mother: they were fed, looked after, but nothing more, that is, no hugs, stroking, and so on. But they installed a figure made of wire, covered with a soft material like wool, with heating. A kind of mother model. And most of the time, in between feedings, the cubs spent with this model, hugging her. And those cubs who did not have such a model subsequently became bad parents - emotionally poor, as they would say about a person.
Seconds and minutes . When one person hugs another, both release the so-called happiness hormones, primarily serotonin. It is a powerful counterbalance to stress hormones. A person relaxes, discharges emotional and psychological stress, heavy feelings. To turn on the "liquid nervous system" (hormonal regulation), one hug should last at least 5-10 seconds, and preferably about a minute.
In some cases, to restore relationships, psychologists recommend hugging for about three minutes at a time.
If we are talking about parent-child relationships and the parent also gives positive feedback during hugs (for example, mother tells the child about happy moments in life associated with him), this is more useful for the development of the child than many hours of moralizing conversations. It has been proven that hugs have a positive effect not only on the emotional state, but also on intellectual development, and in some cases have an effect comparable to professional therapeutic help.
Hugs are very, very important for developing warm relationships between close people, whether they are parents and children, brothers and sisters, lovers, friends, etc. Of course, we are talking about voluntary hugs, and not about coercion, when there is a hidden relationship between two people. or a clear conflict, resentment, and at least one of them hugs the other (or simply allows himself to be hugged), gritting his teeth.
Hugs can be part of "therapy" to improve relationships, but this is not a panacea for all difficulties. It is necessary to consistently solve problems, if any.
It happens that one person wants to hug another, and the other does not seem to mind, but ruffles. This often happens, say, to teenagers. “You need to hug a teenager very delicately,” Alexander Vladimirovich advises. - First of all, you need to do this, so to speak, in a safe atmosphere, when there are no third parties nearby, and at a safe time, when no one is in a hurry. If a teenager is "wobbly", you can tell him: "Well, I need this, I love you so much" - and add some positive feedback. In my practice, there was no case when in such a situation a teenager puts up spikes (if there is no acute conflict in the relationship). Teenagers gradually relax, and if such hugs become a permanent ritual - a ritual based on the laws of close human relationships - teenagers themselves often begin to hug first.
Not to tenderness.
As surveys and studies show, the number of people who do not have enough hugs is growing every year, if not in all, then in very many countries, regardless of the level of economic development. Russia is no exception.
— Suppressive stereotypes operate in society. Look at our history - the revolution, the Civil War, the Great Patriotic War, and before all this, there was hard peasant labor (most of today's citizens of Russia are descendants of peasants). In a word, for decades, centuries, all forces were thrown to survive. And there was an overwhelming stereotype - a worldview in the style of "not up to calf tenderness."
In addition, the number of crimes has increased over the past 30 years. This is discussed not only in the media, but also in families, at the household level. The so-called isolation distress arises when a person is afraid to get close to another, unfamiliar or unfamiliar person, because he may turn out to be a murderer, thief, swindler, etc.
— And what if a person wants to hug, but has no one to hug? we asked Alexander Vikulov. - Is it worth, say, hugging a pillow? - Why not. I have already told about the experiment with monkeys: for those who had a substitute object, separation was less traumatic. You can hug a pillow, soft toy, etc., this will be a replacement object. If your loved ones are in another city, you can say during a video call: “Do you know how much I love you? Strongly overpowering. Like this!" - and hug the pillow. "Now show me how much you love me." This is how you can talk with a child, spouse, lover. Probably, it was the students who came up with the Hug Day because they especially missed their loved ones, because many came to study in another city, were cut off from their relatives and their former lives.
— If they are cut off from intimate relationships, they would like to have those intimate relationships that they need, if only for a few seconds. In addition, hugs provide an opportunity to overcome the distress of isolation from the opposite sex.
