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Example of manipulative behavior


25 Examples of Manipulation in Relationships

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We all have it in us to be manipulated or to become manipulators. Even just batting your eyes at someone in a flirtatious way could be labeled as manipulation. Sadly, some people escalate to become deceitful and nasty manipulators, exhibiting various examples of manipulation in relationships. 

Manipulation by your partner can make you question your own worth and version of events. It can also negatively impact your confidence and insecurity levels in the long term. That’s why it becomes essential to identify when someone is trying to manipulate you. 

Defining manipulation in relationships 

Manipulators exploit and control people to serve their needs and goals. Examples of manipulation in relationships include not giving you a straight answer. Sometimes that’s because they don’t know any other way of communication. 

Narcissists and psychopaths, for example, are expert manipulators partly because they don’t feel any empathy. Of course, they also want to achieve their goals of being center-stage and getting what they want in life. 

All of us are potential targets because we generally want to believe the best in people. Moreover, the signs of manipulation can be subtle, especially if enveloped in charm. Either way, whether it’s positive or negative forms of manipulation, you’re still being forced into feeling or doing something you don’t want to. 

How to notice the traits of a manipulator 

You can’t always easily recognize examples of manipulation in relationships because they can be confusing. They might look friendly and charming on the surface but deep down, there’s a dark motivation. 

If you’re feeling confused, guilty, or physically abused, you could be with a manipulator. Look at this article on how to recognize manipulators for more details. 

25 signs of manipulative behavior in relationships

How to recognize manipulation starts with observing and naming the behavior. It will be hard to ignore your doubt that it’s you because master manipulators live off creating confusion.

Nevertheless, go through these examples of manipulation and don’t be afraid to accept them if that’s your experience. There’s no shame and, on the contrary, it’s a brave step to take. 

1. Blaming language 

All examples of manipulation in relationships control how someone thinks and behaves. Regardless of the motivation, language is still one of the most powerful ways to sow the seeds of doubt. 

Blame is personal and most people stop and think when they get accused of not being their ideal best. That’s when you start doubting yourself and wondering if it’s you or your partner. 

Imagine hearing all-day-long statements such as these manipulative language examples: “you’re overreacting,” “you’re imagining things,” “you wouldn’t question me if you loved me”? Any normal person would start succumbing and doing whatever the speaker wanted. 

Related Reading: How to Deal With Someone Who Blames You for Everything

2. Blackmail 

Emotional blackmail is another critical examples of manipulation in relationships. People do this by giving the silent treatment or sarcasm to get what they want. They might even accept to do something you want to later use as a bargaining tool. 

Psychotherapist Susan Forward, in her book ‘Emotional Blackmail,’ took things one step further and defined what she referred to as FOG: Fear, Obligation and Guilt. Essentially, blackmailers want something from you and they’ll pressure you through those emotions to force you to give in. 

These can be subtle manipulation tactics but they are firmly on the list of indicators of manipulation in relationships. 

Related Reading: How to Handle Emotional Blackmail in a Relationship

3. Repackage the truth 

One of the most obvious examples of manipulation in relationships is that they’ll twist the truth or leave bits out. You’ll find yourself almost doing a double-take as you listen to your manipulator and realize that their truth makes them look so much better.  

The worst part is if you start denying their truth and arguing that they’re wrong. That’s when they might use the full force of their manipulative communication style. It can get gruesome, very personal and nasty very quickly. 

4. Gaslighting 

This example is similar to repackaging the truth, except that you lose yourself and your ability to tell the difference between what’s real and what’s not with gaslighting. You essentially start believing you’re going mad. 

As research on gaslighting explains, there are different ways to manipulate someone into thinking they’re mad. These include denying facts, minimizing events, changing topics, blaming inadequacy and keeping information back. All of these can also be examples of manipulation in relationships. 

Related Reading: Am I Being Gaslighted? 

5. Passive-aggressive 

One of the frustrating examples of manipulation in relationships is when people don’t say what they mean. Alternatively, they’ll stay silent and just glare at you, leaving you trying to guess what’s wrong. 

Other manipulative language examples that are passive-aggressive include saying “I’m fine” through gritted teeth or saying “thank you” to a criticism. Essentially, that person has negative emotions that they can’t or don’t want to share openly.

Related Reading: How to Deal With a Passive Aggressive Spouse

6-. Threats of separation 

According to research, we get scared because of what could happen and our inability to predict it. This is a powerful tool for subtle manipulation tactics because fear keeps bubbling away at the back of your mind. 

So, when your partner threatens to leave you, take the kids or the house, you don’t necessarily believe it at first. Nevertheless, it creeps into your dreams and your anxiety rises and you find yourself succumbing to the traits of a manipulator. 

7. Constant drama 

Examples of manipulation in relationships usually revolve around drama. So, you’ll find your partner might make sweeping judgments or generalizations about you. For instance, “you’re the only one who knows how to do this” or “no one does it like you.” 

The worst manipulative communication style is threatening you with suicide. Often, this is just another tactic but the worst part is that you’re not sure. Regardless, you also need to look after yourself. That’s why it’s perfectly ok to call for professional help in those cases, such as the local suicide hotline. 

Related Reading: Types of Drama You’re Too Old to Deal With in a Relationship

8. Pretending confusion 

Types of manipulation in relationships often include denial and feigned confusion. For instance, your partner might pretend not to understand that you want something done. 

Alternatively, they might deliberately do something wrong to avoid helping around the house. A typical example could be loading the dishwasher with the crockery in the way of the spinning blades.  

9. Using anger and intimidation 

Emotions are the best tool for controlling and manipulating other people. Most of us like to think we use logic and reason to make decisions. Nevertheless, we also need emotions. 

Moreover, many of us aren’t taught how to manage our emotions, so we become easy targets. As this study explains, even psychopaths understand the force behind emotions to get people to do what they want, despite not feeling emotions. 

Anger and intimidation are great examples of manipulation in relationships because they make us stop and freeze. We want to do everything in our power to protect ourselves. So, the manipulator wins. 

10. Vague boundaries

Another big clue for how to recognize manipulation is when boundaries are all blurry. Manipulators want to keep all their options open to maximize their personal gain. They can’t do that with fixed boundaries. 

Instead, they’re very clever at adapting to situations to get the most out of those around them, not just their romantic partner. This further adds to your confusion as you hear them defending vastly different opinions time and time again. 

Related Reading: 6 Types of Boundaries in Relationships & How to Maintain Them

11. Play the victim 

Examples of manipulation in relationships are about control. What better way to do that than by leveraging sympathy? If you feel sorry for them, you’re more likely to comply. Yes, they’re using the fact that you’re a good person against you. 

Considering that the best manipulators are psychopaths and narcissists, neither of whom can feel empathy, this isn’t surprising. They still understand enough about human behavior to use you for their selfish gain. 

Have a look at this video to learn some clear signs that someone is always playing the victim:

Also Try: Am I in a Relationship With a Victim Quiz

12. Overcompensate with flattery

Whatever types of manipulation in relationships you’re experiencing, they’ll take a toll on your emotions. One day, you’re being criticized and the next, showered with compliments. Again, master manipulators are adept at adapting to situations. 

Interestingly, you don’t necessarily know what makes them hot or cold because it also involves their issues and insecurities. Sadly, manipulators usually use these tactics to hide their inadequacies or crave something, often power. 

13. Impose their agenda 

As mentioned, power can have a lot to do with the examples of manipulation in relationships. So, you’ll notice them forcing specific topics into conversations. They’ll also only pay attention when it’s something they want to talk about.

The overall drive behind these forms of manipulation in relationships is to show that they know more than everyone else. Manipulators want to be superior no matter the cost.

Related Reading: Is My Partner Manipulating Me Quiz 

14. Changing opinions 

One of the confusing traits of emotional manipulators in relationships is that they constantly change their minds about things. As mentioned, this is because they’re trying to optimize their gains according to the situation. 

Your partner’s changing opinion can have a massive impact on you because you never know where they stand. You’ll find yourself walking on eggshells as you try to avoid further examples of manipulation in relationships. 

15. Guilt trip 

Regardless of which examples of emotional manipulation you’re living through, you’ll feel guilty at some point. Ultimately, you’re starting to doubt yourself and wondering if you are the cause of all these issues. 

The best manipulators will then play with your guilt to get even more out of you. It’s actually another form of gaslighting because you start feeling responsible for something you never did. You then try to change your behavior, but the manipulator knows they’ve got you by then.  

16. Claim ignorance 

That manipulative communication style that makes the manipulator simply look dumb is usually frustrating to the victim. Add to that all the confusion and pain and your emotional health will be screaming for help. 

Generally, the overall goal is to avoid doing whatever you need or want. It could also be a way to avoid helping around the house or with the kids. As examples of manipulation in relationships go, this one aims to frustrate you into doing whatever your manipulator wants. 

17. Focus on your insecurities 

Emotional manipulators in relationships know how to use your doubts against you. So, when you worry about not being good enough in the relationship, they’ll reinforce that by telling you that you’re never there for them. 

The idea is that because you feel bad about yourself, you give in to their demands in the hope of feeling better. This is only one of the examples of manipulation in relationships and with time, you’ll feel worse because you keep sacrificing your own needs.  

Related Reading: 8 Signs Indicating Insecurity in Relationships

18. Overreaction over petty fights

Other examples of emotional manipulation include picking fights with you over petty things. Issues are over-exaggerated and there is an overreaction that  makes you feel guilty and cornered. It can convince you that you are the cause of immense upheaval.

The driver behind these manipulative behavior examples is to deflect the focus onto you and your perceived mistakes.It can have the effect of making you feel that under-confident and guilty, which the manipulator can use to get what they want. 

Related Reading: Guilt Tripping in Relationships: Signs, Causes, and How to Deal With It

19. Judge and criticize 

Demeaning and critical language is also one of the common examples of manipulation. This allows the manipulator to shame you and either crush you or put you on the defensive. Sometimes this can be done through so-called humor or sarcasm. 

Either way, it’s hurtful and your self-esteem takes a beating. As this form of abuse continues, you might start doubting yourself so much that you cut yourself off from family and friends. You essentially enter a vicious circle of self-doubt and loneliness. 

20. Overwhelming attention

Confusing examples of manipulation in relationships are when they shower you with attention. This will come across as love, for example, caring statements, perhaps doing things around the house or helping you in some other way. 

Giving you overwhelming attention can happen at any time in a relationship but can be particularly overwhelming at the start. 

You find yourself caught up in a whirlwind as you move through the dating stages faster than you would want. Suddenly, all decisions are made for you and you feel that you owe them something. 

21. Changing criteria 

Manipulators are adept at adjusting their views and shifting the goals according to a situation. This logical fallacy is a tactic commonly used by narcissists and sociopaths. Overall, they keep raising their expectations of you such that you feel that you can never be enough. 

The general aim is to make themselves feel good by appearing superior. They need someone to serve their needs and fill the void with no empathy for others. 

Of course, they’ll never actually see how much effort you put in but will keep demanding more until you’ve completely burned out. 

22. Physical intimidation and control 

Most of the above examples of manipulation in relationships involve language. Let’s not forget physical aggression or simply using one’s body to intimidate and coerce you. This accentuates your fear and again, you’re more likely to give in as you try to stay physically safe. 

All manipulative behavior examples are about control but they’re also about not facing responsibility. So, manipulators end up living in this absurd paradox where they don’t want to be responsible for anything and yet, they want to control you.  

Controlling you lessens their fear of being abandoned while giving them the impression that you’re in awe of them. Moreover, by confusing you, they’re defining your so-called reality, giving them a sense of false security in a constantly changing world. 

Related Reading: 25 Signs You’re in a Controlling Relationship

23. Gifts to buy you back 

Bribery is perhaps one of the more straightforward examples of manipulation in relationships to spot. Imagine having just been scolded and criticized to find your partner goes out to buy you a bunch of flowers? The apology might seem sincere but it’s just a bribe to get you back in their control. 

Naturally, if this is a one-off incident, you might be dealing with a simple trigger that upset your partner. In a healthy and grounded relationship, you can talk through it together and understand what you both need from each other. 

24. Pitch others against you

Painful examples of manipulation in relationships are when your family and friends start siding with your manipulator. They are often charming and adept at spinning a story that many of us are fooled. 

Narcissists are so good at this that they often start fooling themselves. Moreover, they stay center stage by getting friends and family on their side. Narcissists crave attention and devotion and they’ll charm and lie their way to get it. 

25. Emotional outbursts 

Manipulators want the world to revolve around them. Tragically for them and those around them, they never learned the tools to manage their emotions and navigate life in a socially acceptable way. With uncontrolled emotions, even adults can have tantrums, not just children. 

In terms of adult tantrums, you might observe increased agitation, faster pacing or aggressive movements. When this happens, you don’t want to get involved, so walk away as peacefully as possible to keep yourself safe. 

Handling emotional manipulators in relationships 

First, you need to observe the examples of manipulation in relationships and work with a coach or therapist to understand your part of the dynamic. Sometimes, we unknowingly pick up manipulative behaviors too.

Secondly, learn about your needs and how to establish boundaries based on them. Try to work with your partner, perhaps through couples counseling, to support each other to understand your motives for your behaviors. 

Conclusion 

Manipulators leave hurt and confusion in their wake through the many examples of manipulation in relationships. These range from gaslighting to lying, guilt-tripping and even flattery. You’re then left in doubt about whether you’re doing enough for them. 

It’s always possible to heal and recover from unhealthy relationships. 

It’s often best to work with a professional to establish your needs and whether the relationship is right for you. From there, start setting boundaries and learn the power of no. That in itself becomes highly therapeutic as you reclaim your life.

14 Signs of Psychological and Emotional Manipulation

Source: Shutterstock

Psychological manipulation can be defined as the exercise of undue influence through mental distortion and emotional exploitation, with the intention to seize power, control, benefits and/or privileges at the victim’s expense.

It is important to distinguish healthy social influence from psychological manipulation. Healthy social influence occurs between most people, and is part of the give and take of constructive relationships. In psychological manipulation, one person is used for the benefit of another. The manipulator deliberately creates an imbalance of power and exploits the victim to serve his or her agenda.

Below is a list of 14 “tricks” manipulative people often use to coerce others into a position of disadvantage, with references from my books How to Successfully Handle Manipulative People and A Practical Guide for Manipulators to Change Towards the Higher Self. This is not meant to be an exhaustive list, but rather a compilation of subtle as well as strident examples of coercion. Not everyone who acts in the following ways may be deliberately trying to manipulate you. Some people simply have very poor habits. Regardless, it’s important to recognize these behaviors in situations where your rights, interests, and safety are at stake.

1. Home Court Advantage

A manipulative individual may insist on you meeting and interacting in a physical space where he or she can exercise more dominance and control. This can be the manipulator’s office, home, car, or other spaces where he feels ownership and familiarity (and where you lack them).

2. Let You Speak First to Establish Your Baseline and Look for Weaknesses

Many salespeople do this when they prospect you. By asking you general and probing questions, they establish a baseline about your thinking and behavior, from which they can then evaluate your strengths and weaknesses. This type of questioning with hidden agenda can also occur at the workplace or in personal relationships.

3. Manipulation of Facts

Examples: Lying. Excuse-making. Being two-faced. Blaming the victim for causing their own victimization. Deformation of the truth. Strategic disclosure or withholding of key information. Exaggeration. Understatement. One-sided bias of issue.

4. Overwhelm You With Facts and Statistics

Some individuals enjoy “intellectual bullying” by presuming to be the expert and most knowledgeable in certain areas. They take advantage of you by imposing alleged facts, statistics, and other data you may know little about. This can happen in sales and financial situations, in professional discussions and negotiations, as well as in social and relational arguments. By presuming expert power over you, the manipulator hopes to push through her or his agenda more convincingly. Some people use this technique for no other reason than to feel a sense of intellectual superiority.

This certainly does not mean facts and evidence are not important (on the contrary). The point is that there is a significant difference between presenting objective facts for the purpose of problem-solving, versus utilizing biased and/or covert information for the purpose of manipulation.

5. Overwhelm You With Procedures and Red Tape

Certain people use bureaucracy – paperwork, procedures, laws and by-laws, committees, and other roadblocks to maintain their position and power while making your life more difficult. This technique can also be used to delay fact-finding and truth-seeking, hide flaws and weaknesses, and evade scrutiny.

6. Raising Their Voice and Displaying Negative Emotions

Some individuals raise their voice during discussions as a form of aggressive manipulation. The assumption may be that if they project their voice loudly enough, or display negative emotions, you’ll submit to their coercion and give them what they want. The aggressive voice is frequently combined with strong body language such as standing or excited gestures to increase impact.

7. Negative Surprises

Some people use negative surprises to put you off balance and gain a psychological advantage. This can range from lowballing in a negotiation situation, to a sudden profession that she or he will not be able to come through and deliver in some way. Typically, the unexpected negative information comes without warning, so you have little time to prepare and counter their move. The manipulator may ask for additional concessions from you in order to continue working with you.

8. Giving You Little or No Time to Decide

This is a common sales and negotiation tactic, where the manipulator puts pressure on you to make a decision before you’re ready. By applying tension and control onto you, it is hoped that you will “crack” and give in to the aggressor’s demands.

9. Negative Humor Designed to Poke at Your Weaknesses and Disempower You

Some manipulators like to make critical remarks, often disguised as humor or sarcasm, to make you seem inferior and less secure. Examples can include any variety of comments ranging from your appearance to your older model smartphone, to your background and credentials, to the fact that you walked in two minutes late and out of breath. By making you look bad, and getting you to feel bad, the aggressor hopes to impose psychological superiority over you.

10. Consistently Judge and Criticize You to Make You Feel Inadequate

Distinct from the previous behavior where negative humor is used as a cover, here the manipulator outright picks on you. By constantly marginalizing, ridiculing, and dismissing you, she or he keeps you off-balance and maintains her superiority. The aggressor deliberately fosters the impression that there’s always something wrong with you, and that no matter how hard you try, you are inadequate and will never be good enough. Significantly, the manipulator focuses on the negative without providing genuine and constructive solutions or offering meaningful ways to help.

11. The Silent Treatment

By deliberately not responding to your reasonable calls, text messages, emails, or other inquiries, the manipulator presumes power by making you wait and intends to place doubt and uncertainty in your mind. The silent treatment is a head game where silence is used as a form of leverage.

12. Pretend Ignorance

This is the classic “playing dumb” tactic. By pretending she or he doesn’t understand what you want, or what you want her to do, the manipulator/passive-aggressive makes you take on what is her responsibility and gets you to break a sweat. Some children use this tactic in order to delay, stall, and manipulate adults into doing for them what they don’t want to do. Some grown-ups use this tactic as well when they have something to hide or an obligation they wish to avoid.

13. Guilt-Baiting

Examples: Unreasonable blaming. Targeting recipient’s soft spot. Holding another responsible for the manipulator’s happiness and success, or unhappiness and failures.

By targeting the recipient’s emotional weaknesses and vulnerability, the manipulator coerces the recipient into ceding unreasonable requests and demands.

14. Victimhood

Examples: Exaggerated or imagined personal issues. Exaggerated or imagined health issues. Dependency. Co-dependency. Deliberate frailty to elicit sympathy and favor. Playing weak, powerless, or martyr.

The purpose of manipulative victimhood is often to exploit the recipient’s goodwill, guilty conscience, sense of duty and obligation, or protective and nurturing instinct, in order to extract unreasonable benefits and concessions.

For tips on how to handle manipulative people, and how manipulative individuals can change for the better, see references below.

© 2015 by Preston C. Ni. All rights reserved worldwide. Copyright violation may subject the violator to legal prosecution.

9 manipulations that managers apply to employees — Work.ua

Are you sure that you are not being manipulated? Check out the practices that employers use at work.

Manipulative methods of influencing people remain a favorite at work. If the leader has studied colleagues and subordinates well, as well as their typical reactions, then he can easily get what he wants. It is one thing when you consciously submit to manipulation, it is quite another when you are not even aware of the deception. nine0005

Work.ua publishes the most common manipulative techniques that can be found at work. Check if the situation is familiar.

Manipulative Techniques

Often these reactions come from childhood, so the most effective manipulative techniques are based on typical phrases that were once spoken by parents. The similarity can be easily seen in the examples.

1. Pressure on pity

As a child: “You are going to a party and your grandmother is not feeling well! Stay at home, take care of her, there is no one else" .

Now: “Of course, you are on vacation now, but we have a very important project coming up, and without you it will be difficult to do everything well. Will you be able to go on Skype in the evening?

According to Eric Berne's theory, in such a message, two “adult” colleagues communicate on an explicit level, and on a hidden level, the boss takes the position of a “child” who asks a “parent” to help him. Few people miss the opportunity to feel like a savior in such a situation. A sense of self-worth is one of the most insatiable human needs. nine0005

2. Playing with guilt

In childhood: “How irresponsible of you to go to a party when your grandmother is sick! We are exhausted, and you just have to have fun!

Now: “You are already on vacation, but we have a hot season, can you at least go on Skype?”

The situation is the same, but the message is different. In this case, the position of the boss is parental, and the subordinate gets the role of a “child”, disobedient and guilty. Of course, in order to earn the love and recognition of the “parent”, the “child” will refuse a convenient vacation time, work overtime and plow for three. nine0005

3. Comparison

In childhood: “Masha studies with only A’s, and you even get an A in drawing!”, and in the opposite direction: roofs will jump?

Now: “Your performance is the worst in the department, you should try harder” or “Such a stupid mistake sometimes made by inexperienced employees, but I did not expect this from you!”

Evaluation and comparison situations, when they are not in our favor, are extremely unpleasant. This technique has long ceased to be secret: the boards "The best worker of the month" and leakage of assessment results are also management techniques based on comparison. Of course, everyone wants to be better than others, no matter how much psychologists, philosophers and lovers of thoughtful statuses in social networks claim that you need to compare yourself today only with yourself yesterday. nine0005

4. Not good

In childhood: “You will never get into this university! »

Now: “Customer is hesitant, doesn't seem to trust your experience, maybe outsource this to someone else?”

Works well with people who like to prove themselves in an extreme situation. When everything is calm and measured, they get bored, they do the work carelessly. But in a force majeure situation, they are able to show their best qualities. Skepticism on the part of the authorities will spur such an employee to spite everyone to prove his professionalism, perseverance and determination. This approach is rude, so managers often use a third party to convey to the employee their doubts about his abilities. nine0005

5. Flattery

In childhood: “You are the smartest! Nobody can do it better than you!"

Now: "I can't entrust this important task to anyone but you. "

Creating some kind of image in the eyes of others, we want to look like a holistic, consistent personality and try to act consistently. Someone's faith and support can energize and give strength. Flattery can also be used to force one's point of view: "You are so smart and understand that the best option would be...".

Communication techniques

In addition to open manipulation, you can also find hidden - the so-called communication techniques. The power of such an impact can be felt not only at work, but also in advertising, sales and other situations.

1. Descriptive praise

Example: "You made a great presentation, you found a compelling argument, used different sources, it's immediately obvious that you put in the work." nine0020

Descriptive praise refers to the techniques that educators and psychologists recommend to parents. It differs from the usual one in that it refers not so much to the result of efforts (from praise for the result, there may be a fear of not achieving a better result in the future) and the personality of the person himself (I’m already good, why should I even strain?), but to those efforts, which he applied to achieve the result. A simple "OK!" or "Well done!" not enough to motivate an employee to act in the right direction. But if you describe specific actions, next time a person will try even harder. nine0005

2. You-offers

Example: "If you stick to this plan, you can increase your sales by 30%."

To establish an effective working dialogue, they use the “You-offers” tactic, because a person is primarily interested in himself and what he can get. Psychologist Alan Pease calls this one of the principles of human nature. For comparison, a less effective phrase: "I developed this plan and want to put it into practice, counting on a 30 percent increase in sales" .

3. Benjamin Franklin Principle

Example: “Last time you helped out the entire department, I am so grateful to you, can you take a look at this report and give your opinion?”

Benjamin Franklin's principle says that those who have already helped us are more willing to help us. Because of this, a situation often arises that more urgent work falls on more loyal employees. However, there is also the principle of reciprocity, which is that a good action towards someone gives rise to a reciprocal desire to do something good. nine0005

4. In terms of target

Example: “Next time before submitting an offer, look at other companies that are similar, this will allow you to make our offer more competitive” .

When a manager points out an employee's mistakes or gives some task, at the same time he speaks about the goal, avoiding the “not” particle and formulating achievement criteria.


These are the most common manipulation techniques. And now let's think together: if you understand that you are being manipulated, is it worth trusting the manager the same way as before? Along with a rhetorical question-advice, Work.ua also advises you to deal with your unconscious attitudes and become less sensitive to simple manipulations. nine0005

It may be helpful for someone to stop deceiving themselves, be more confident in themselves and learn to say “no” in order to stop being a victim of manipulation. And those who like games of manipulators should be reminded that life without cheating is simpler, clearer and saves time.


Source: Secret of the Firm

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Examples of manipulative behavior in Ethan Frome essay example

For society and government to be successful, true emotions and feelings must be expressed at the most important moments. Manipulation is constantly used throughout the world in areas such as movie advertising. They act as unfair incentives to make a certain decision or feel a certain way. However, without manipulation it is impossible to convey some serious moments. In Ethan Frome , Edith Wharton emphasizes that manipulation through protagonists is a key form of communication needed to express true emotions and desires. nine0005

Protagonist Ethan Frome struggles to convey his emotions on most subjects, especially Matty. In order to find out what Matty is thinking, he approaches the situation with insidious and somewhat sinister intent. After a night of dancing, he states that “you would have found me right away if you hadn’t returned to do the last video with Denis – he awkwardly pulled out” (Wharton, 23). Ethan attempts to reveal Matty's true emotions by appealing to her feelings for him. Despite being in love with her, he tries to portray it as innocently as possible, acting indifferent to the situation, trying to draw out her inner feelings for him. Wharton emphasizes that without the ability to manipulate emotions, it would be much more secretive due to people's inability to express their inner desires to others. Although Ethan is generally level-headed, he is also a victim of manipulation. However, this is the result of his own actions and pessimistic thoughts. As he walked through the cemetery, “we never left – how are you?” seemed to be written on every tombstone” (Wharton 10). Ethan is so caught up in Starkfield's negativity that he convinced himself that these tombstones condemn him to stay with them until the day he dies. While these gravestones are unrealistic, they provide insight into Ethan's true feelings and how little he believes in his ability to escape this environment. In addition, Wharton teaches readers about the harsh reality of self-manipulation and how hidden emotions can arise and have a significant impact on worldview and perception in various manifestations. nine0005

Another major manipulator comes from Ethan's wife. While Ethan is a skilled manipulator, Zeena is the epitome of manipulation. She constantly lives by her people running her life to get the reactions and results that benefit her the most. When she was talking to Ethan, she says, "The doctor says it will be my death if I continue my slavery the way I had to." He doesn't understand how I endured it for as long as I did. (Wharton 75) Zeena is constantly trying to use her health as a tool to shape Ethan's actions. Although she does the minimum work, she speaks as if she is doing most of the workload, when in fact Ethan is doing all the work. Wharton shows how guilt can be easily manipulated by stating a fact, even though the logic behind it is not entirely true. Zeena also uses her manipulation to convey her opinion in an indirect but effective way. Although she is usually silent, Zeena watches her surroundings and things going on quite closely. As Ethan gets ready, she says, "I guess you're always late, now you shave every morning" (Wharton 26). In order to convey the necessary emotions to Ethan, Zeena manipulates him by hinting at the fact that even though he is late, he still has time to shave. Wharton uses this to show the effect of a well-formulated sentence on the recipient's emotions. Although these manipulations are not direct, they are constantly used to evoke various feelings. Manipulation can also come from the most unexpected people. One of the most innocent characters, Matty is also one of the most manipulative characters. She mostly fulfills the duties assigned to her and, with the exception of Ethan, sticks mostly to herself. As they sledded, she "pressed her lips to his ear to say, 'Straight into the big elm.' You said you could. So we never have to part again. (Wharton 110). Matty is clearly using Ethan's manipulation to appeal to his deep emotions of love in order to convince him to stay true to his plan. This exchange of words highlights the extreme power that manipulation has on decision making. Wharton constantly shows the importance of manipulation in people's daily lives, ending with distorted conclusions. nine0005

Matty is also extremely cunning when she manipulates other characters. She uses the concept of indirect interaction to create the same effect. Matty left to Ethan's "a piece of paper torn from the back of a testis catalog that had three words written on it: 'Don't worry, Ethan.' (Wharton 86). This note shows the depth of manipulation expressed by Matty. She makes Ethan do more than he planned, increasing their communication and emotion since she first wrote him a note.

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