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When you break up with a narcissist


What Happens When You Break up With a Narcissist

What Happens When You Break up With a Narcissist

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  • Breaking up with a narcissist is likely to be a draining experience.
  • Either they won't let you go without a fight, or they will discard you without looking back.
  • Both experiences are extremely hurtful.
  • Narcissists are highly skilled at making you feel as though you were the most important person in the world, only to tear it all away.
  • It's important to remember that however much it hurts right now, you're better off without the toxic person in your life.
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It is challenging and exhausting being romantically involved with a narcissist, but they can also cause havoc when they leave. Breakups are always hard, but when you've been in a relationship with someone who uses others and is obsessed with themselves, it can be even harder.

On the surface, narcissists can seem charming, engaging and charismatic, which can make them difficult to leave in the first place.

Dr Judith Orloff, a clinical psychiatrist at the University of California Los Angeles, wrote in a blog post on Psychology Today that narcissists can make you "fall in love with them so hard that it feels like you're giving up a part of your heart to leave them," because they're very good at becoming the centre of your universe while you're with them.

Here's what to expect if you break up with a narcissist.

It can feel brutal and sudden

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One minute you may feel like everything your partner has ever wanted, and the next you're left wondering what on Earth went wrong. This is because narcissists are great at playing a part while they're getting something from their source, according to Orloff. But when they're done using you, they have no difficulty in casting you aside like a used tissue.

There will be no apologies or remorse, and you may well never hear from them again, regardless of how long your relationship was. If they do return, it will be because they've realized they can get something from you.

Be prepared for begging, pleading or bargaining

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If you're the one who chose to leave, good for you because Orloff says that's hard to do. They are likely to give you the fight of your life because they're not done with you yet. Narcissists hate losing their supply, so they won't let you go easily.

Prepare for them to promise "to change." They might suddenly start doing things for you that you'd been complaining about. They may say "you'll be lost without me," or "you'll never find someone like me."

Don't listen, Orloff advises. It's just a trick to get you to come back to them out of fear.

Remind yourself of why it ended

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When you break up with someone, a few selective good memories can come flooding back, prompting confusing feelings of regret. These feelings are usually false and unrepresentative of the relationship, psychiatrists say.

You might remember a time when your partner was sending you loads of messages every day and continually complimenting you. Compliments are great when they're sincere, but when a narcissist uses them it may be part of a technique called "love-bombing" in which the person bombards you with affection but has an ulterior motive.

As a reminder to yourself, jot down the reasons you split up. Did your partner frequently put you down? Call you names? Make you feel guilty or like you were crazy?

They will 'move on' quickly — and tell you about it.

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Most true narcissists don't need time to heal from a break up as their initial feelings about the relationship were likely insincere or absent. It's not unheard of for a narcissist to have someone already waiting in the wings as a new source of support, or have their exit strategy carefully planned out. 

This is one of the reasons removing them from social media can be helpful — there's likely to be a lot of loved up selfies.

In reality, they may simply be love-bombing a new target. On the bright side, it isn't you anymore.

Expect grief and embrace it

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Grieving will be an important part of your recovery, so embrace it when it comes, advises Sarkis. After all, you have a lot to grieve over: the end of a relationship, and the person you thought your partner was. They love-bombed you when they first met you, and these feelings are still there, and they are strong and intense. 

However, you figured out enough reason to get out of there, so remind yourself that many of these feelings were likely built on something false. The narcissist may have appeared to sweep you off your feet, but did they really deliver on their promises? Probably not. 

Nevertheless, you probably had, and still have, a strong emotional bond to the narcissist, and only time can heal that wound. Sarkis says be glad you ended things when you did, because otherwise you'd still be in that toxic environment, losing more of yourself every day. The pain is only temporary. 

Focus on yourself and do things that make you happy

Unsplash / Brooke Cagle

Most importantly, you're going to need to focus on yourself, Orloff says. Take this time to try a new hobby or gym class, or go out and meet new people. This may sound daunting — being with a narcissist can use up a lot of energy and make you timid around new people. 

But you're out of that situation now. It's time to reconnect with people that make you happy.

Sarkis and psychologist Dr Guy Winch recommend writing an "emotional first aid" list of things you can do as a distraction when you find yourself thinking about your former partner. You were pushed aside when you were with the narcissist, because your needs weren't important. Now it's time to look after you.

You'll realise relationships aren't supposed to be that way

Unsplash / William Stitt

When the time is right, you'll find someone new. Dating is an important part of recovery. Still, you shouldn't expect to find "the one" right away. Just go out and have fun. Maybe you'll meet someone amazing, or maybe you'll make some great friends. Either way, these people will be a breath of fresh air.

Plus, you'll likely have a deeper understand of your own boundaries than you did previously, so give yourself more respect if someone isn't treating you the way you want.

When you finally develop your first crush after a relationship with a narcissist, it feels really great. It might not work out, but you'll be reminded of all the reasons someone actually likes you — and there are a lot!

If you think you may be involved in an abusive relationship, or would just like to talk to someone, there are helplines you can call, such as The National Domestic Violence Hotline, RAINN, and Love is Respect. Emotional, psychological, and mental abuse can be extremely difficult to recognize and hard to report; these support networks exist to help.

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Breaking Up With A Narcissist: Expert Tips + What To Expect

What to expect when breaking up with a narcissist

When breaking up with a narcissist, prepare for them to potentially respond with extreme behavior. Sometimes they'll turn on you and begin to attack you; sometimes they'll promise to change and beg you not to leave, sometimes by way of guilt-tripping you.

Psychologist Jonathan Marshall, Ph.D., says you have to see this type of breakup as a long game: "It takes consistent ongoing effort because your own issues are used by the narcissist against you," he tells mbg. "It's a siege."

A narcissist may respond to your attempt to break up with them by:

  • Blaming you
  • Attempting to convince you you made a mistake
  • Attempting to guilt-trip you into staying
  • Demanding attention, even after you broke up
  • Promising to change
  • Using social attacks and gossip
  • Stalking you
  • Revealing their neediness
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12 tips for breaking up with a narcissist

1.

Stop trying to keep the narcissist accountable.

With most people, you can have reasonable discussions of when certain behaviors are unacceptable. With a narcissist, their response almost always flips between "You're crazy/unreasonable/too sensitive" and "I promise to change, so give me a chance." The goalposts are always changing, and you walk on eggshells, with your sense of reality gradually eroding. There are times when the narcissist may have appeared to have changed, except that it's often one step forward and five steps back. And then you get blamed for calling them out, even if they're hurting you.

Understand this as you're walking out the door: You can never hold a narcissist accountable. It's what's kept you hooked, and you need to leave behind that desire to make them "get it" or "change" if you're going to be able to truly close the door on this relationship.

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2.

Hold on to those moments of clarity.

By the time you're ready to leave, a big problem is that you're probably distant from your friends and voices of wisdom—a typical machination by the narcissist.

So when you have moments of inner clarity come through, Marshall stresses the importance of hanging on to them: "These are moments when you tell yourself, I know now in this moment I must get away. Hold on to it, and come back to this moment again and again. Because you will forget the logic behind why you say that. It's OK. As long as you remember the conclusion you've drawn." This will fuel you with the strength to keep walking away and never look back.

3.

Remember that just because you've changed doesn't mean they can.

Sometimes we know what it's like to turn our lives around, and so we invest faith in others who seek redemption. The problem is, narcissists often cannot and will not change. Every so-called change is piecemeal and ephemeral, and you pay for that dearly.

Know this: The only person you need to take care of, in this very moment, is yourself. You've been pummeled and whipped into a shadow of yourself, and you deserve to love yourself into healing.

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4.

Stop worrying about being a bad person.

"If I judge him, doesn't that make me unspiritual? Then I am as bad as him!" Many clients come to me with this sort of sentiment.

There is an inherent problem with the maxim "Don't judge." It presupposes that anytime we decide something isn't good for us, we're bad people, and we judge ourselves instead. To be alive is to judge—every time you reverse your car in the parking lot, you are making a judgment call on what angle to maneuver. Discernment does not make you a bad person. It makes you a wiser person.

Here's something to consider, instead: If this relationship with a narcissist were to happen to your best friend or child, would you be OK with it?

5.

Recognize your mistakes—but don't let them be used as a weapon against you.

Yes, you were not perfect. You did bad things too. Not only in your life, but in the relationship. When you were pushed and provoked, you might've snapped. You might've said mean things in the heat of the moment.

The narcissist uses these instances against you, saying you are equally to blame. They'll use lines like, "Remember how good things used to be between us. It's all your fault I'm like this now." They'll try to make you feel you have no right to call them a narcissist.

Yes, you might've made bad decisions or done "bad" things. But unlike a narcissist, you didn't deliberately set a trap to slowly hook, hoodwink, and then abuse another person for your own sick kicks.

You're not a saint. That doesn't mean you need to be stomaching another person's literal and figurative punches.

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6.

Stop trying to explain away the narcissist's behavior.

A major problem I see is when clients tell me how they've been trying to talk things through for years in therapy, and nothing's changed. It may have even gotten worse due to repeatedly re-experiencing of the trauma, and life doesn't feel safe anymore.

You can rationalize everything away when it comes to a narcissist, and that's not a good thing. Yes, there's a reason the narcissist is the way they are—genetics, family dynamics, substance abuse, etc. It's not your job to analyze why or to get caught in the smoke and mirrors. When it comes to narcissists, the root of the problem is them, and the reason we call it a "personality disorder" in psychiatry is because it cannot change. Nor is it serving you to rationalize your feelings or trauma away or to scold yourself for feeling a certain way, expecting yourself to "just move on."

Trauma is stored in our bodies and doesn't disappear simply with logical or positive thinking. The only way through is to process and release it rather than analyze till the cows come home.

7.

Don't fall for their post-breakup mind games.

Narcissists move on very quickly, even if they abruptly U-turn and tell you it's only to forget you while they struggle with how much they love you. Words are cheap, and the narcissist thrives on messing with your head, knowing that you'll be fixated on them rather than healing yourself and meeting someone who deserves you. (This behavior is sometimes known as hoovering.)

Many clients tell me they are upset by how the narcissist seems to be unscathed while they themselves are a hot mess. They question why they are "weak and useless," and they want to give up.

Here's the deal. Narcissists move on to distract themselves, prey on a new source of attention, or punish you. More importantly, they have no affective empathy—the ability to feel what another person is feeling—much less have compassion for others. This is why they move on so easily. So stop stalking them on social media or asking mutual friends about them. Your progress is yours and yours alone. I also advocate that my clients block the narcissist from all forms of contact if possible.

8.

Don't blame yourself.

When breaking up with a narcissist, you might fall into the trap of blaming yourself. For walking away, getting involved, not walking away, not seeing the red flags— basically, everything. It'll play out in a way where you feel damned if you do and damned if you don't. Marshall explains that from the start, the narcissist capitalizes on your tendency to self-blame. They'll increasingly make you responsible for the fact that their world isn't good.

"Once you leave, you continue to assume you're to blame because that intimate person in your life has a voice in your head, speaking in your own language because that's what they do," he says, adding, "it's not obvious that it's their voice playing; it sounds like your own."

Many of my clients who attract narcissists tend to be both type A personalities and empathetic. This means they are tough on themselves and expect themselves to overgive, blaming themselves for the times they never gave enough. Instead of dedicating resources and attention to healing, they're often ruminating and beating themselves up for everything they did wrong in that relationship, as if any modification would change the past.

Here's the deal: Every time you blame yourself, your narcissistic ex wins. They continue to abuse you because you are abusing yourself.

9.

Unpack your oldest traumas and vulnerabilities.

"I don't care or want to talk about my childhood. It doesn't matter," some of my clients tell me. The truth is, it does. Often, we get attracted to narcissists because of something that happened at an earlier time in our lives—perhaps, our childhood—or somewhere along the family tree.

In psychology, repetition compulsion is where we keep repeating the same dynamics with different people to resolve a trauma. This is done unconsciously and therefore with the wrong kind of people who are bad for us, and as such relationships play on a loop over and over like a bad magic spell, we learn to feel more helpless and hopeless.

Without ruminating for years over our childhoods, I advocate my clients explore and close chapters in their past that have scarred them, even if they feel it's a little too pompous because "No one died" or "It's not that bad." The truth is, it matters to you and for you. And when you do this, you view your past in a different light—instead of blaming yourself, you are filled with empathy for your younger self. With a coherent story of your past, you start to heal. And then you can live your life guided by this question, "How can I be the champion my younger self never had?"

10.

Know there's never a right time to leave.

"Many clients often say, 'I can't do it now,'" Marshall tells me. They give reasons like the narcissist's work is too intense, or they're going through some tough family drama. "You need to be very wise and savvy when you hear your own voice saying 'not now.' There will always be another crisis next time. You are set up against an army—his manipulations, your caregiving, feeling isolation—trying to delude you of that clarity. Sometimes there is no good time; you just have to leave."

So if you feel you are leaving or left at the wrong time and want to give them another chance, know there's no time when the stars will be aligned and the ducks are in a row.

11.

Lean on your support system.

What if you have to maintain communication because of joint assets or children, or you're busy fighting legal battles? In this case, the narcissist will use your history and your trauma against you, pushing your buttons so you are blindsided and look unstable.

Here's where you engage people—professionals and loved ones—to have your back, work together, and call you out whenever you self-sabotage. It takes a village, and having that village doesn't make you weak.

(mbg has a full guide on co-parenting with a narcissist if that's a factor.)

12.

Be good to yourself.

Self-compassion can feel like a fluffy term, but the truth is, it can actually up your well-being and even your work performance. My Olympian friend Peter Shmock simply calls it "being good to yourself."

The parts of you that are frightened, angry, traumatized, and confused do not need any more bullying. Just as you'd hug a frightened child or a sick puppy, kindness is exactly what you need right now. And the only stentorian discipline you need is in your devotion to your healing—practicing grounding exercises to help retrain your brain in acknowledging your feelings rather than scolding yourself and stuffing them down.

Many of my clients are extremely bright and accomplished, but they have spent their whole lives being unkind to themselves. I often remind them that learning to be kind feels harder than their surgical residency or seven-figure business deal. They laugh because it's true. Consider it a form of training in your mental gym. The first time you train any muscle, it's going to feel impossible, until one day it eventually stops feeling that way.

FAQ:

What does a narcissist do when you break up with them?

Narcissists rarely take breakups well, because breakups often involve some amount of rejection and acknowledgement of personal failure—two things a narcissist can't handle. They may lash out and try to blame you for everything that went wrong, or they may make extreme promises to change and beg for you to stay. Sometimes they may attempt to quickly replace you to show off how fast they can move on and get attention from someone else; sometimes they may continue to demand attention from you even after you've broken up.

What should you say when breaking up with a narcissist?

Keep your talk track simple, and don't get caught up trying to prove the narcissist wrong or engage with their manipulative mind games. It's okay if they don't fully understand or agree with your decision. Just make sure you're crystal clear that things are over, and communicate what your boundaries are going forward. Going no contact is advised.

The takeaway.

Breaking up with a narcissist is uniquely difficult, and you can expect a lot of tumultuous emotions as you battle the feelings of guilt, self-judgment, and emotional manipulation from your ex. Stick to your convictions, and know that you do deserve to be in a healthy, loving relationship.

Healing starts with you rooting for yourself, just as I'm rooting for you.

“He won’t let you go easily”: 4 stages of parting with a narcissist

He bombards you with calls and messages

“I loved him and turned a blind eye to many things until I admitted to myself: these relationships are destroying me,” recalls Marina. “He made me jealous. In professional success, he saw the danger of my financial independence and the fact that I would not reckon with his opinion.

He didn't manage to separate me from my friends, and he just started bombarding me with messages, constantly calling. In the end, he began to appear at the house at the moment when I left for work. I did not understand then that this was only the beginning of the persecution. He did everything so that I had to completely erase him from my life.

When you tell a narcissist that the relationship between you has run its course, he refuses to believe it. It is difficult for him to accept this, because with your departure, his whole world literally collapses.

“A partner for a narcissist is by no means an equal person, relations with whom imply mutual development and inner growth, but a kind of emotional first aid kit designed to feed his ego,” explains psychologist Marina Myaus . He uses the feelings of a loving person to impose on him a weak, submissive position.

When the partner suddenly refuses to exist in the proposed scenario, the narcissist literally loses his psychological crutch. Attempts to return you immediately are manifestations of panic. And if you leave the relationship against his will, he will most likely only begin to increase the intensity of his presence in response.

He is changing for the better

“After our separation, he immediately changed,” says Alina. - Turned into a good friend who does not insist on anything and does not expect anything from me. Unexpectedly invited to a performance that I had long wanted to see, but could not buy tickets. I was touched that he did not forget about it and made my dream come true.

We went out to dinner a couple of times. Once I caught myself on what exactly I want to tell him about the conflict with my parents. He was very tactful, listened and supported, without blaming people close to me. I began to think about the fact that I was wrong and I am leaving a person who loves me and understands like no one else. Perhaps in our conflicts she herself was largely to blame?

I returned to him, and everything that had caused us to part ways soon returned to our relationship: intolerance, a desire to dominate everything and a complete disregard for my interests. The second chance turned out to be a mistake."

The narcissist often tries to go back to the very beginning of the relationship and tries to repeat the pattern that led him to success. There is an undoubted logic here: if I was able to charm her at the beginning, then now I need to do the same. This is a trap, because by doing so he emotionally refers us to a period of well-being, which gives rise to doubts: maybe I'm wrong? Will I miss you and regret?

“Those who decide to give the narcissist a second chance are often disappointed because their basic needs have not changed,” says the psychologist. - The narcissist does not need an alliance that respects boundaries, because a partner is needed solely to solve the neurotic need to recognize his own super-importance. In this relationship scenario, it is the narcissist who is given the place of the one who sets the rules of the game, and you are the role of the follower.

He takes people close to you as allies

“When we broke up, he unexpectedly became close to my mother,” admits Katerina. - I began to call her, tell her how hard it is for our breakup. I told my mother that their communication was unpleasant to me, to which she reacted offendedly: “I can’t hang up the phone.”

The news that she was dating him shocked me. Moreover, she began to defend him, recalled how he once helped her, and in the end brought me to tears with the phrase that “I am not a gift either.” And although later we spoke sincerely about everything, at that moment I considered her behavior a betrayal.

Narcissists are masters of twisting such triangles, inclining people close to you to their side. On the one hand, this may increase your doubts: if someone I trust justifies him, maybe I'm wrong about something? It is natural for a mature, reflective person to ask himself such questions.

how to end a relationship, how a person should behave after a breakup, how to behave after?

A narcissist man can easily charm a girl. The novel develops rapidly, but after a while, coldness appears in it.

Getting away from a narcissist is not easy, but sooner or later it will have to be done. We will talk about parting with a narcissist in the article.

Contents

  • Who is a narcissist?
  • How dangerous is a relationship with such a person?
  • Variants of the development of events in case of a break
  • How to behave correctly?
  • What is a woman to do?
  • How to behave after?
  • How to cope with your feelings?
  • How to understand that everything is behind?
  • Basic mistakes
  • Video on the topic of the article
  • Conclusion

Who is a narcissist?

Psychologists call narcissists men who have a very high self-esteem.

In other words such a person thinks that there is no one better than him in the world . He constantly admires himself and believes that others should do the same.

It is difficult for men belonging to this category to interact with society. They have almost no friends, but girls often fall in love with them. A romance with such a person is distinguished by its swiftness, but this is where the problem lies.

Daffodils quickly cool off towards their chosen one . They have already achieved their goal, satisfied their own ego. Logically, they should quickly end the relationship with the girl. Often this happens if the initiative comes from the guy.

The situation changes radically when a girl starts talking about parting. The narcissist feels hurt. This deals a serious blow to his self-esteem. He tries to return the partner by all available means. If this does not work out, the man begins to take revenge.

It is also difficult for girls to end a relationship with such a guy . Narcissists quickly bind to themselves, involuntarily using various levers of psychological pressure. However, they themselves may not be aware of it.

About narcissists - in the video:

Why is a relationship with such a person dangerous?

Relationships with narcissistic men have a classic pattern. At first, everything happens like in romance novels - the guy gives flowers, looks after her beautifully and turns the girl's life into a fairy tale.

Due to this, the woman quickly becomes attached to the daffodil and lulls her vigilance. However, the idyll does not last long. A few months after the start of a relationship, the first disturbing calls appear.

The man tries to make the girl spend all her time exclusively with him. This is achieved through psychological manipulation.

The narcissist strives for complete social isolation of his victim. Jealousy can manifest itself even towards relatives and close friends .

At the same time, the man tries to instill in the woman the idea that she alone is to blame for all the troubles that occur in relations between partners. Over time, the victim of the narcissist develops a constant sense of guilt. This leads to the fact that a person begins to consider himself inferior. Even his thoughts begin to seem wrong to him.

There are doubts about the adequacy of . At the same time, the man strongly supports this opinion with his actions and words. Over time, he begins to control all areas of his partner's life. For any deviation from the conditions he created, the victim is punished. This can manifest itself mentally or physically.

All this after a short time leads to psychological trauma of the girl. Such relationships need to be terminated, although this is not easy to do, because a woman gets used to a narcissist very quickly and believes that there is only her fault in the troubles that arise. It should not be forgotten here that narcissists are not corrected. There are chances, but they are insignificant.

Variants of the development of events in the event of a breakup

How does a narcissist behave during a breakup? If a man initiated the breakup, the process is peaceful.

Narcissus simply announces his departure and quickly disappears from the girl's field of vision. Basically, such a sharp change in tactics of behavior is caused by a new romance that began with a guy.

The girl, as in any parting, first falls into depression. However, this does not last long. When the “rose-colored glasses” of falling in love fall from her eyes, a woman begins to understand what trap she managed to avoid.

Events develop quite differently if they are initiated by a girl. Narcissus feels slighted and refuses to accept the fact that could leave him. He considers himself the best person on earth, which further complicates the situation. Feelings of hurt are replaced by anger.

Narcissists depend on their partners to help them improve their self-esteem. Therefore, a man tries to return a woman at any cost. Various methods are used for this. In the early stages, the guy tries to assure the girl that he can change. Narcissus humiliates himself and asks to stay. If this does not help, he begins to threaten and take revenge.

The narcissist's revenge is original and cruel. He can post compromising photos of the girl on social networks or start spreading rumors about her among mutual acquaintances. When the indignation subsides a little, “random” encounters or direct persecution begin.

However, there is also a peaceful scenario for the development of events . After parting with his partner, the guy considers it below his dignity to humiliate himself in front of her and is looking for a new victim. This, as a rule, does not take much time, and after a few weeks the girl can be calm for her freedom and safety. After all, narcissists, after entering into a new relationship, never return to the previous ones.

How to behave correctly?

The narcissist tries to build his behavior in such a way that the girl herself feels guilty before him. He instills in her the idea that you can not do this to people. Promises to change. There is a small chance that his words will turn out to be true, but most often they turn out to be outright lies.

At this moment, you just need to restrain your emotions caused by attachment to a person and not succumb to his provocations.

What is a woman to do?

How to properly end a relationship with a narcissist? It is recommended to follow some rules:

  1. Get external support . You need to discuss the situation with parents, close friends and other people who are able to support the person.

    It is important for a girl that at a difficult moment in her life she can speak out to someone and receive moral help.

    This allows her to act more decisively when parting and not to retreat from her positions.

  2. No final conversation . A classic version of parting is considered a serious heart-to-heart conversation, after which the former partners disperse in different directions, while continuing to maintain friendly relations. It is worth making an exception for the narcissist and denying him this rule.

    Men of this type know the weak points of their victim, and are able to put pressure on them in time. This will bring the relationship back to the previous level. Moreover, on a subconscious level, in the first weeks after the breakup, the girl herself wants to do this.

  3. Restrict social circle . Not all friends and relatives will support the girl in her decision. There will be those who will tell her that she made a mistake. And half of them will do it under the pressure of the same narcissist.

    For several months or years after separation, it is recommended to limit contact with such people. Under constant pressure, the girl can not stand it and change the decision.

  4. Expand scope . Narcissists control a person. Over time, it becomes his only hobby. After parting, it is necessary to do the reverse procedure, i.e. the girl gradually removes the former partner from her life. At this time, you can take up a new hobby, visit a new city, etc.

    It is important that the girl herself understands that a man is not the center of the universe for her. Even if a woman later decides to return to a guy, she will be able to correctly prioritize the relationship.

  5. Find your pressure levers . Subconsciously, narcissists are good psychologists. They find the weak points of their victim and, by pressing these "buttons", gradually begin to completely control it. After parting with such a person, the girl must find in herself these levers of pressure that the guy used.

    They should be written down on a piece of paper. Maybe it's some specific words. Knowing what attacked her in the past, a woman will be able to defend herself against such attacks in the future.

  6. Run . You need to leave the narcissist abruptly, without giving him the opportunity to correct the situation. The reason for the breakup can be explained in a letter. After that, the girl should break off all contacts with the man (block numbers and social networks, change places of walks, etc.). This is the only way to completely end the relationship with such a man.

How to behave after?

Breaking up with a narcissist is not easy. Such people are not accustomed to letting go of their victim.

A woman is advised to take a number of things into account after the end of intercourse.

Narcissus will follow . Even after the final break, the man will try to maintain his influence over the girl. He will track her social media accounts. networks, arrange “random” meetings, etc. There is no escape from this.

The beginning of a new relationship is not the end of communication. This type of people believes that all the fair sex belongs to them. Even if the narcissist has started dating a new partner, he will try to control the life of his previous one.

A more peaceful option awaits the couple if the initiator of the separation was the narcissist himself . He quickly loses active interest in his former partner. In this case, it is only important not to try to restore relations on your own.

How to cope with your feelings?

Things to do:

  1. Grieve . Breaking up is always stressful for a girl. Therefore, to fasten and pretend that everything is in order should not be. On the contrary, you need to cry and speak out. But at the same time, you can’t go into a long depression. A woman can maintain her morale with new hobbies, and so on. As a last resort, it is recommended to consult a psychiatrist.
  2. Write your problems . If a girl feels anxious after a breakup, it is better to write her feelings on a piece of paper. So she will always have before her eyes a list of what prevents her from moving on. Then you should carefully analyze it and your terminated relationship.

    In most cases, the girl will see that she wrote the main number of points under the "pink glasses". You can record the analysis results on the same sheet. For example, if a woman wrote the phrase "I'm to blame for everything", after analyzing the behavior of a narcissist, you can put "It's not like that" next to it.

  3. Remember all . In the first weeks after the breakup, the memory will throw pictures from the happy past to the girl. There is no escape from this. However, a woman should also remember about the unpleasant moments associated with a man. For example, about the loss of all friends. If you need to try to erase the first memories from memory, then it is better not to forget the second ones. So the girl will be able to avoid mistakes in the following relationship.

How to understand that everything is behind?

A girl can start dating a new young man within a few weeks after parting with a narcissist, but we should not forget that if he sees a new couple, he can "take down the roof. " He will try to find out who the new boyfriend of his ex-girlfriend is and will try to denigrate her.

In this case, the girl should openly tell her new boyfriend about her previous relationship. This will allow you to develop a strategy of behavior with an inadequate ex together.

Major errors

Do's and Don'ts:

  1. Trying to blame yourself . The narcissist taught his victim to believe that he was to blame for everything. At first, the habit will persist. However, this will pass soon.
  2. Contact after break . The narcissist will again try to tame his victim through seduction. Do not give in to provocations.
  3. Lower self-esteem . Narcissus has already underestimated her to a person. Don't do the work for him.
  4. Listen to other people's opinions . You won't be good for everyone. A lot of people feel bad about a breakup. This is their right. However, you should not listen to their advice.
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