What does self control look like

Self-Control: Definition And How To Have It

Updated July 14, 2022 by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Self-control is a word we often hear mentioned in discussions of health and wellness. Often, we think about it when it comes to stopping a behavior we dislike, like eating junk food, or in the context of managing a feeling like anger. However, the true definition goes beyond these ideas. Here is the true meaning of the word self-control and how you can master it for yourself.

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Self-Control Defined

Let’s start by breaking down the word self control and what it truly means. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition of self control is the ability to exercise restraint or control of one’s emotions desires and impulses. In other words, we can prevent ourselves from doing something we don't want to do or from feeling something we don't want to feel, especially when we're tempted. Additional words that may be used interchangeably for self-control include self-discipline, will-power, composure, and self-restraint.

The noun control refers to one’s influence over managing their thoughts and behaviors to avoid undesirable outcomes and increase positive ones. Other words from self control include the adjective self controlling, which is defined by “restraint of oneself or one’s thoughts, emotions, responses, etc.”

Possessing self-control is an incredibly helpful skill. It helps us to move from having the knowledge of what would be good for us and actually put it into practice. For example, when a doctor urges a patient to lose weight, self-control prevents them from eating too much junk food. More examples of displaying self-control include going to the gym instead of staying home to watch TV, or getting started on a project early instead of procrastinating.

Emotional self-control is important, too. It prevents us from screaming at others when we're angry or from punching someone when they wrong us. It also stops us from crying uncontrollably when we do not get our way or from becoming distracted in situations that require attention.

Although we learn to self-soothe as babies (by, for example, sucking on a pacifier), we're not born with self-control. We develop this skill throughout our childhood and arguably our entire lives. This is why it's not unusual to see an upset toddler throw a toy across the room, but the same behavior would be bizarre in an adult.

Sometimes, however, individuals reach adulthood with too little or too much self-control. Neither situation is ideal. In addition to the physical and emotional challenges this might bring, too little or too much self-control can also have social and mental effects like isolation, depression, or anxiety. You might be wondering what a healthy amount of self-control looks like, but to best understand that, it's important to know what too much or too little looks like first. We'll start there.

Signs Of Too Much Self-Control

The ability to remain in control of one’s emotions desires and actions is usually a quality that people admire. However, when someone possesses too much self-control, they can struggle. Sometimes, people suffering from excessive self-control come off as perfectionists or seem overbearing. Experts call this behavior "overcontrol." Someone dealing with "overcontrol" might experience the following:

Difficulty relaxing
Distance toward others
Rigid personality
Overly focused on details
Lack of feelings or display of feelings
Being responsible (to a fault)
Avoidance of risk

In general, people with too much self-control don't stand out as much as those who lack self-control. Why? Because their behavior is often associated with positive words or characteristics, like hard-working, introverted, or highly sensible. With that in mind, how do we know if someone has too much self-control or is simply mature? Well, it depends on the individual.

If someone's behavior works for them and causes little to no distress, it's likely that everything is fine. However, if excessive self-control makes their physical, mental, emotional, or social life a challenge, they may benefit from seeing a licensed counselor.

Signs Of Too Little Self-Control

Someone who lacks self-control is easy to spot. They generally have difficulty committing to positive habits, and they may not be able to regulate their feelings or actions as well as their peers. Signs of low self-control could be:

Little or no self-discipline
Lack of goals or inability to reach goals
Low motivation
Little to no willpower
Difficulty controlling emotions
Lack of attention
Quick to blame others
Difficulty maintaining friendships
Dangerous or overly-passive lifestyle

Having little self-control (or none at all) has a major impact on one's day-to-day life. Not only is it difficult to build self-confidence, but it's also hard to work with others and reach goals. If someone runs into the same obstacles over and over again, they may need to work on self-control. Similarly, if they seem to lack direction or appear immature, too little self-control might be the cause.

How To Have Self-Control

Everyone has a different amount of self-control, and it can vary by situation, too, but most of us could use a boost to find a better balance between too little and too much. Here are a few tips to get you started.

Relax

It can be hard to have self-control when we trick ourselves into thinking something must be done urgently or stopped immediately. We also struggle with self-control when we're driven by our gut reactions. Imagine you're driving down the road at high speed, and a slow driver cuts you off. Your gut reaction is what makes you want to honk your horn and scream at them or worse.

To give yourself the best chance at a calmer response and a better day, learn to slow your thoughts, so you can postpone your gut impulses. Relaxation can help. Meditation, deep breathing, and mindfulness are all excellent ways to practice relaxation. The more you relax, the more likely you are to calmly approach stressful events and choose thoughtful responses instead of acting on impulse alone.

Learn To Plan

Self-control is hard to achieve without direction. For example, if you want to lose 10 pounds, and therefore need to skip your nightly dessert, it helps to plan ahead. Instead of hoping you'll be strong enough when the time comes, think of ways to curb your appetite in advance, so you're more likely to succeed.

To avoid relying on willpower, make a plan for what you will do the next time you're tested. Perhaps you can plan on doing 15 minutes of yoga or reading a good book when you have a craving for sugar. Using distractions like this can help you improve your self-control in the long run. You will eventually learn that you can manage unpleasant feelings and that you don't need to act on all of your desires.

Find Out What You Want

Sometimes we lack self-control because we're not clear on exactly what we want. For example, if it feels like you're going nowhere in your current job, make sure it's not because you don't know where you want to go next. When you have a clear goal, it's easier to exercise self-control because you can focus on making choices that point you in the right direction. A licensed therapist can help you figure out exactly what motivates you, and can be a powerful tool in helping you reach your goals using self-control.

That said, it's important to have goals that are meaningful to you. Do not set a goal just because someone or something else pushes you toward it. Look deep within yourself, and find out why your goal matters to you. If it doesn't mean anything to you, it will be very hard to dedicate yourself to it.

Remember The Consequences

Often, an honest look at the consequences is enough to motivate someone struggling with self-control. Imagine finding an extra $100. Part of you knows you should use it to pay off your credit card, but another part of you wants to spend it on dinner and a movie instead. To make the right decision for you, consider the consequences.

If you pay off your credit card, will you be working toward financial freedom and taking steps to eliminate your debt? If you treat yourself, will you still have enough money to pay the credit card bill on time, or will you end up with another late fee or worse?

Look beyond short-term gratification, and think about the long-term value. If you set yourself up for success by taking care of yourself tomorrow, your self-control will naturally grow over time as you start to reap the benefits.

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Role-Play

If practicing self-control is a challenge for you, role-play with a friend, a family member, or a therapist. This will help you confront your feelings in a controlled environment without the threat of negative consequences. To start, think about a simple situation where you typically struggle with self-control. As your self-control improves, branch out to more difficult or challenging situations.

Get Healthy

As with any proactive behavior, being in the right physical, mental, and emotional place makes a big difference. If it's been a while since your last physical exam, call your primary health care physician, and schedule an appointment. An underlying condition might be exacerbating your self-control issues. To that end, if you're experiencing symptoms of depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues, please get help immediately.

And as a general word of advice: remember to take care of the basics. Eat a healthy diet, drink plenty of water, and get roughly eight hours of sleep per night. This will help you keep a clear mind on your journey to better self-control.

BetterHelp Can Help

Self-control plays a major role in our lives, and it's often a big factor in our overall levels of satisfaction. While it's possible to display too much self-control, a lack of self-control tends to get us into trouble. To master self-control, we need to find balance, and a counselor can help. Reach out to the mental health professionals at BetterHelp to see the best results. You can read reviews for some of our therapists below.

Counselor Reviews

"Erin is an amazing therapist. She listens to me and relates to me very well. I feel very supported and safe talking to her. Erin always helps me set goals for myself and pushes me to work hard on my own mental health in a comforting way. I've had a lot of therapists, and Erin is by far the best one I've ever had. She has sincerely helped me turn my life around."

"Diane gets right to understanding the problem so we can find solutions. She's not judgmental or harsh, but she says what I need to hear. I feel like she understands my issues and is attentive and puts as much effort as I am into therapy. I enjoy her approach which is gentle yet assertive and I feel confident in her suggestions. She offers a fresh perspective and I end the session feeling hopeful and motivated."

Conclusion

Self-control can have a huge impact on your life. In fact, it's probably responsible for the life you're living today. A fulfilling, productive life is possible--with the right tools. Take the first step.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

What does self-control mean?

According to the American Psychological Association, self-control is characterized by the ability to exercise restraint over one's impulses, emotions, or desires at the appropriate time. The adjective self controlling may also be used to describe an individual demonstrating restraint over their actions.

Most people have been in a situation where it may have been difficult to exercise restraint or control over our emotions. For example, if you're in a heated argument with a spouse or family member, you may be tempted to say something hurtful, that you know you will regret later. Self-control means learning how to control oneself.

Why is self-control important?

A part of the definition of self-control has to do with timing. Self-control is a muscle that has to be exercised so that we learn how to respond to upsetting situations without making them worse. There are three forms of self-control that have to do with controlling your impulses, emotions, and desires. This doesn't mean you aren't allowed to have these experiences, it means that self-control allows you to express these feelings, emotions, and desires at the right place and time.

How do you get self-control?

In the definition of self-control, we learn that having self-control means to contain our emotions and desires -- until the right time. But how do you learn to have this type of self-control? The best way to learn how to exemplify the definition of self-control is to talk to a mental health professional like a psychiatrist or a therapist. Licensed therapists at BetterHelp can help you with issues related to self-control.

What does self control in the Bible mean?

The definition of self-control in the Bible is concerned with remaining in control of one's emotions in the face of temptation. The self-control definition in the Bible teaches that having strong self-control can lead to rewards and higher status in society.

What are the characteristics of self-control?

Synonyms for self-control include words like "composure, restraint, coolness, will-power, and self-mastery." More examples include words like "self-contained" and "containment." If you're looking for a full definition of self-control, these characteristics paint a clear picture of what self-control looks like.

How do I stop losing self-control?

One of the important words from self-control definitions is "restraint." Learning to have restraint is one of the primary skills that you need to stop losing self-control. Talking to a licensed therapy provider can help you learn better coping-skills and develop more self control.

Why do people lack self-control?

Some people lack self-control as a result of learned behaviors as children. Children who grew up without clear boundaries and expectations may grow up to be adults who have little to no self-control. A licensed therapist can help you get to the bottom of low-impulsivity control, and lack of self-control issues.

What are the disadvantages of self-control?

It is possible to have too much self-control. A person who has too much self-control may appear rigid, unable to relax, and inflexible. Someone who has too much self-control often picked up this behavior in early childhood as a result of childhood trauma or early exposure to adult responsibilities. People with too much self-control may have trouble maintaining close friendships and relationships due to their tendency to appear "cold" or "detached" from their relationships.

What are the types of self-control?

There are three components of self-control. These types are impulsivity, emotions, and desires.

When it comes to the topic of impulsivity, this has to do with our ability to resist the urge to make quick decisions without thinking them through. An example of self-control over impulsivity is someone teaching themselves to resist buying anything off the candy rack at the grocery store checkout.

When it comes to self-control over emotions, having the ability to control your emotions in the face of painful or dangerous circumstances is critical. The third component of self-control over desires is necessary to prevent physical or emotional desires from interfering with good judgment when it comes to what behaviors we choose to engage in.

What is lack of self-control?

Lack of self-control is the inability to restrain one's emotions, desires, or impulses. Having a lack of self-control can result in undesirable negative consequences like being arrested or losing a good friend. It's important to learn how to use self-control to make better decisions regarding your life and relationships. If you're struggling with self-control issues, talk to a therapist at BetterHelp.

What are benefits of self-control?

The benefits of having self-control are better decision-making and fewer negative consequences. Taking the time to assess a situation and choose the appropriate response versus an emotional response can make your days run more smoothly. People with good self-control tend to suffer from fewer bouts of stress and anxiety than those who are lacking in self-control.

How do you show self-control?

People understand that you are exercising self-control when you choose your reaction in an uncomfortable situation. For example, if someone is yelling at you and you aren't sure why -- your first impulse may be to start yelling back at them. Using self-control, you take the extra step to assess why they might be yelling at you and choose how to verbally respond (or not).

Is temperance the same as self-control?

Temperance and self-control are essentially the same. Both deal with the idea of restraint and using better judgment in the face of one's passions or when in distress. The word temperance is more commonly used when referring to the religious or spiritual aspects of self-control.

What does self-control mean?

From the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the word self-control means restraint exercised over one’s impulses, emotions, or desires. To put it in your own words from the dictionary, self-control implies a person is in control of their thoughts and actions. It is a necessary trait to have when working toward goals. As it relates to control (noun), a person has the power to make decisions.

Why is self-control important?

Self-control plays a significant role in the decision-making process. It shows you have the ability to regulate your feelings and emotions. It helps you stay focused on getting things done and helps with goal setting and personal achievements.One can control their emotions during stressful situations. The importance of control (noun) relates to the ability to manage your mood by staying calm during conflict.

How do you develop self-control?

Developing self-control takes practice and consistency with thoughts and actions. Self-control involves looking at all sides of a situation and understanding how to make the best choices. Develop more knowledge of your own strengths and weaknesses. Take care of yourself with plenty of rest, exercise, and healthy lifestyle habits. Avoid making decisions when you're fatigued or stressed. Use your time wisely by planning. Set your goals one at a time. Work on setting short- and long-term goals. Learn relaxation techniques and meditation. Control (noun) also relates to the ability to manage problems through problem-solving techniques.

Scientifically speaking, the prefrontal cortex helps the brain exert self-control. It is one of the last elements in the brain to develop fully. The prefrontal cortex includes the front portion of the brain toward the forehead. It helps the brain with aspects of self-control, including executive function, personality traits,competing stimuli, and goal setting.

Executive function relates to behavioral elements associated with control and physical energy. It indicates the state of one’s mental health and their self-control ability. Certain behaviors raise risks of mental health concerns such as bipolar disorder. An individual with behavioral problems may struggle with self-control. For example, a person with bipolar disorder may have problems regulating their mood.

The prefrontal cortex helps you avoid temptation via impulse control. It plays a role in helping to ignore distractions when setting goals. It also helps delay gratification when working toward bigger and better things in life. Studies reviewing the results of a marshmallow test help prove this theory. The marshmallow test helps measure aspects of self-control and gratification in children. The marshmallow test studied how children would wait for treats based on quantity.

What are examples of self-control?

Self-control helps you make better decisions as it relates to your emotions, feelings, and actions. You may want to eat a slice of cake, but you choose not to through willpower because you know it's not good for you. You like to stay up late to watch your favorite show, but you have priorities tomorrow, including appointments and errands. You choose to go to bed early to get plenty of rest so you can get things done.

Self-control is exercised in different ways. Others view self-control through control synonyms such as self-discipline or self-restraint. Examples of other control synonyms include self-mastery and calmness.

What are the characteristics of self-control?

When it comes to control, self-controlled individuals demonstrate emotional and physical stability. They are in control of their thoughts, emotions, words, and habits. They understand how to manage temptations and what is behind such desires. They use their mental energy as a strength to help themselves control impulses. Positive psychology studies focus on strength characteristics related to living a meaningful life. Such elements determine thoughts and actions in achieving life outcomes people want to live. Aspects of positive psychology and self-control may contribute to living a happier life.

Can self-control be learned?

The noun control refers to an individual having influence or power over certain situations in their life. There are ways to practice self-control, with many taking time to learn methods best for them to achieve long term goals. How self-control is learned also depends on the circumstance. Parents can help their children learn self-control through play and by suggesting alternative behaviors. Adults can learn greater self-control by growing their willpower to help stay focused when working on long-term goals.

What happens without self-control?

Without self-control, a person has problems making the right choices, and they may have difficulties regulating their feelings and emotions. The problem is noticeable among peers if they appear careless or engage in reckless behaviors. A person may experience issues and long-term consequences if they lack self-control.

Why do some people lack self-control?

Many experience ego depletion or lack of willpower and self-discipline. Others fear they will fail at something before they give it a try. Some get comfortable being lazy and rather not put in the necessary effort to achieve a favorable outcome. A person may avoid doing something because they lack inner strength, or they are not open to doing things that will make them better.

What are the three components of self-control?

Some researchers believe self-control is a limited resource, but others say it’s driven by personal motivation. Understanding components of self-control make it easier to achieve long term goals, adopt healthy habits, and take advantage of opportunities encouraging personal growth. Self-control is broken into three parts, including:

Self-awareness of your feelings, actions, and thoughts thought monitoring.
Establishing guidelines to make decisions and how to respond through standards.
Using personal energy to control impulses through strength.

What is poor self-control?

A person with poor self-control takes risks, is insensitive, and impulsive. It may lead to struggles with problem-solving in relationships, your career, and hold you back from being where you want to be in life. Some are more likely to make statements of contradiction, self-contradictory responses that make their actions and beliefs look off-balanced. Poor self-control is a problem when you don’t practice good habits or understand the consequences of making poor choices. A person is more likely to act in a manner different than what is expected of them with thoughts contradictory, self-control actions being limited or non-existent.

Self-Control | Psychology Today

Impulsivity, Willpower, Ego Depletion

Reviewed by Psychology Today Staff

Self-control—or the ability to manage one's impulses, emotions, and behaviors to achieve long-term goals—is what separates humans from the rest of the animal kingdom. Self-control is primarily rooted in the prefrontal cortex—the planning, problem-solving, and decision making center of the brain—which is significantly larger in humans than in other mammals.

The richness of nerve connections in the prefrontal cortex enables people to plan, evaluate alternative actions, and ideally avoid doing things they'll later regret, rather than immediately respond to every impulse as it arises.

Staying In Control
Willpower As a Finite Resource
How to Regulate Your Behavior

Staying In Control

The ability to regulate one's emotions and behavior is a key aspect of executive function, the suite of skills that allow an individual to plan, monitor, and attain goals. There is debate surrounding the degree to which self-control is an innate individual difference, versus a learned skill. Most experts believe that people who are disposed to lower levels of less self-control can still cultivate healthy habits and take counter-measures to control their behavior.

Does self-control fluctuate?

The idea of self-control as a stable trait isn’t always true. A person's level of self-control tends to wax and wane over the course of a day, suggesting that self-control is less like a mental capacity such as intelligence and more a fluctuating resource along the lines of physical energy.

How do you avoid temptation?

Always avoid situations where you know you will confront temptation. For instance, if you’re tempted to eat junk food, stay away from fast-food restaurants, and don’t bother heading down the snack or baked-goods aisles of the supermarket. Avoiding triggers is key.

What boosts self-control?

Self-control is not about self-deprivation, and it’s certainly not about punishment. But it is often about redefining what is pleasurable to you to keep destructive behaviors in check. It is about taking power over your own actions and learning to ignore immediate impulses, no matter how powerful they may be.

Willpower As a Finite Resource

The ability to exert self-control is often referred to as willpower. It allows people to direct their attention despite the presence of competing stimuli, and it underlies all kinds of achievement, from school to the workplace. It benefits relationships as well.

There is significant debate in science as to whether willpower is a finite resource. Some studies indicate that exercising willpower makes demands on mental energy. This concept, called ego depletion, is one possible explanation for why individuals are more apt to reach for a chocolate chip cookie when they're feeling overworked.

Recently, however, scientists have failed to replicate some of the studies underlying the concept of ego depletion. A better understanding of why individuals give in to some impulses—but are able to successfully resist others—is critical for helping people who suffer from addictive behaviors, impulsivity, and eating disorders.

What is the marshmallow test?

In the early 1970s, psychologist Walter Mischel conducted what is now known as the marshmallow test; he found that children who, left alone in a room with a plate containing a marshmallow, were able to resist eating the candy in order to be rewarded with two in the future, later showed numerous positive life outcomes. Notably, these children and fewer behavioral problems and better grades than did those who were unable to delay gratification in the test.

Does the Marshmallow Test predict success?

The famous test may not actually reflect self-control, which is a challenge to the long-held notion that the test does just that. There’s a temptation to over-generalize and jump to conclusions about how to give children a competitive advantage. Some researchers favor looking more closely at a variety of developmental influences, instead.

How can you gain more self-control?

A person who thinks that self-control is a limited resource will be more likely to give in to temptations. Plus, when we perceive a task as effortful, we show poorer self-control. This may mean that you can have more control simply by shifting your perspective.

How to Regulate Your Behavior

Whether the temptation is drugs, food, or scrolling through Twitter instead of working, everyone has domains of life in which they wish they could exercise a little more willpower. How can an individual build this critical skill? Recent research points to the use of rewards, routines, and mindfulness practices as possible ways to establish better habits and regulate behavior over the long-term.

Another approach is to develop an awareness of the triggers that derail self-control. The sights and smells emanating from a neighborhood bakery as one walks by can weaken the determination to maintain a healthy diet, but taking a different route that avoids the bakery can fortify it. Strengthening willpower may not always be easy, but doing so can significantly improve health, performance at work, and quality of life.

Why are some people better at resisting temptation?

Practicing good habits is more impactful than having strong willpower. People who have better self-control rely on good habits more than willpower, which leads to better progress on our overall goals.

How do you strengthen self-control?

People who think about “why” they do something are able to exert greater self-control and persist longer at a task than those who think about “how” to do something. When we know the goal we seek, rather than the means of getting there, we’re more likely to put down the slice of pie and build up will

power.

Do some personality traits boost willpower?

Researchers have found that under certain circumstances, pride increases self-control. But in other circumstances, pride gives people a license to indulge. The difference depends on the source of one’s pride. Self-control gets a boost when pride stems from feeling good about who you are.

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Self-control: self-control

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Our attitude to our own desires, surrounding things, emotions, as well as behavior can affect life and professional success. If you want to better achieve your goals and feel in control of your actions and reactions, it makes sense to think about developing self-control - one of the key skills of the new reality.

We tell you what to do to keep yourself in control, and how this can positively affect your career.

Self-control is the ability to control oneself in terms of mastering one's own desires and appetites. It helps to make the right decisions, reduces the number of impulsive actions and allows you to effectively deal with frustration, anxiety, anxiety and any other strong emotions. Those who have self-control can restrain their desires to make sure they are not excessive. In other words, such a person is more likely to make the right things and choices to stay successful, healthy, and happy.

Self-control consists in using the mind to control instincts

The skill of self-control is complex, that is, it consists of a number of skills that ultimately help to be at the helm in any situation and one's own life. All of these skills are elements of emotional intelligence that are related to how well you control your thoughts and actions. There are two types of self-control:

Behavioral self-control involves acting in accordance with your long-term goals and deepest values. For example, it may be difficult for you to get up early in the morning to go to the gym, but you do it because you want to improve your health.
Emotional self-control concerns the conscious work of maintaining a positive outlook while overcoming difficulties. Can positively impact interpersonal relationships as you become more reliable, empathetic and considerate towards others.

Key Self-Control Skills

Self-regulation means that you can remain calm and rational in most situations and exercise discipline when necessary. Self-regulating people tend to think before they act because they are more aware of how they react or feel in most situations and how it affects others.
Reliability - reflects how well you fulfill your obligations, help others and can follow existing rules and regulations. Reliable people agree to complete a task or help another person only when they are sure that they can definitely fulfill the promise.
Adaptability - the ability to adapt your reactions and emotions to different situations means that you are able to cope with change. This skill of self-control can also make you more flexible when it comes to different points of view and opinions, and helps you look at problems from different angles.
Optimism - The training of the mind and emotions usually requires an optimistic attitude. If you're good at self-control, you probably see challenges as an opportunity to learn and improve. Constantly looking for positive moments allows you to regularly improve your behavior, while maintaining focus and motivation.

Three main traits

It can also be said that people with developed self-control are characterized by three key traits:

Self-preservation - they have a healthy attitude towards everything that happens and around them, they focus on what they need for a quality life, and not on what they want, sometimes in spite of. They use whatever it takes to enrich their lives, but they don't overdo it and don't try to exploit others in any way.
Self-affirmation - they know their worth and can freely say what they think, but in such a way that it allows others to speak. They are firm, but careful with others and do not humiliate themselves or others.
Self-realization - the path to self-realization is closely related to sustainability. People with self-control are able to understand that it is important to keep doing a difficult task if you plan to develop in it.

How to improve your ability to self-control

Self-control requires commitment and self-reflection is an ongoing process, as you need to regularly monitor your thoughts and actions, align them with goals and make changes where necessary. Here are a few steps to develop self-control abilities:

Set achievable goals. Changing old habits and routines can be challenging, but you can make the process easier by setting goals that are easy to achieve. For example, if you find it difficult to get up early in the morning, wake up only 10 minutes earlier at first, gradually increasing the time and subtly changing your habits.
Align your goals with your values. You can be more motivated and set to control your emotions and actions if you focus on what matters to you. For example, if you value the professional network you are building, you can try to strengthen your relationships with colleagues by getting to know them on a more personal level and participating in team activities.
Be kind to yourself. One of the most important aspects of self-regulation is training the mind to be more positive. You can encourage positivity by celebrating goals and implementing a personal reward system. The reward may depend on how big or small your accomplishment is, such as taking a short break after working on a task for a long time, or treating yourself to a nice dinner after completing an important project. This way, over time, you will form a more positive self-image, which in general can develop a more positive attitude towards the world.
Take responsibility. You will be in better control of your actions if you take responsibility for your goals. If you plan to complete a complex task by the end of the week, you can develop a strategy for splitting that large task into smaller, more manageable tasks to complete throughout the week. You can also ask a colleague to be an accountability partner—someone who checks in on your progress on a daily basis.

Workplace Self-Management Skills

Improving self-management skills can positively impact productivity and other aspects of work, including:

Communication - When you practice self-regulation in the workplace, you can improve your ability to actively listen and understand, what you are asked for. You will also be more inclined to think before speaking or acting.
Conflict Resolution - You will be able to handle conflicts well because you will be able to take into account different opinions and better empathize with colleagues and other people with whom you interact in the workplace. You are more likely to address the cause of the conflict directly and not let your emotions control your reactions.
Finding perspective - self-control allows you to remain calm in difficult situations and respond to them more effectively. You will also be able to better focus on the end goal.
Problem Solving - You will be more likely to be good at problem solving because you will consider multiple logical options and adapt when new solutions are presented.
Time Management - When you practice self-management, you can improve time management in the workplace by taking responsibility for meeting deadlines. You can also improve your reputation and be perceived as a reliable employee because you are more likely to show up to meetings on time and well prepared.

In the age of instant gratification, self-control may be an unusual and underestimated quality, but it is worth striving for nonetheless. You will realize that you need to exercise self-control when you feel an overwhelming urge to do something nice that you know is bad for you; or disgust at the idea of doing something you know will be good for you.

Essentially, self-control allows us to enjoy the good things in life in moderation, not wanting too much and knowing when enough is enough.

It is also important to understand that self-control is not total abstinence, but finding the right balance. Denying yourself what you need is just as bad as getting too carried away with self-indulgence. You can find the right balance by thinking about your desires and thinking about what "too little", "too much" and "right" would look like. Once you are aware of these measures, you will be able to strive for the "right" and get on the path of developing self-control.

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Fundamentals and principles of self-control

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by Andrey Khanin

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Success in business and personal life is based on good habits. To stop eating fast food, start going to the gym or finish an important project, you need what in Russian is called willpower or self-discipline. Man is weak and lazy, alas! His will power is limited and varies depending on the situation and time of life. Even the great Russian poet called for "learning to rule yourself." This is easy to say, but hard to put into practice.

Self-control consists in restraining desires, emotions and actions that interfere with the achievement of the goal.

Some things reduce self-control:

greed and excessive consumption, such as food or clothing;
unsatisfied desires;
poor education, not giving knowledge to deal with problems;
poverty;
dangerous communities and associations such as religious or political sects;
intoxicants;
anger, envy and malice;
friendship and communication with careless people.

It is difficult for a disciplined and purposeful person to resist each of the listed factors. As a result, volitional energy weakens.

Yes or no

Signs of excessive self-control

People who are overly controlling often appear to be overbearing stubborn or perfectionists. This type of personality suffers itself and causes inconvenience to others, at work and in the family.

They are distinguished by common features:

inability to relax;
increased distance from other people;
rigidity of character, obstinacy;
increased attention to detail;
insensitivity;
exaggerated responsibility;
unwillingness to take risks.

Sometimes these qualities are inherent in ordinary elderly people or introverts. Do not confuse.

Signs of a lack of self-control

People with a lack of willpower can be seen from afar. They are deprived of good habits and poorly regulate emotions and actions. They are distinguished by a certain infantilism, regardless of the amount of gray hair in their hair and the date of birth in the passport.

Here is a list of “signs” of someone who is unable to manage himself:

minimum self-discipline;
lack of long-term realistic goals;
low motivation;
no willpower;
intemperance of emotions;
poor concentration;
tendency to blame others for everything;
frequent change of friends;
passive or dangerous lifestyle.

In everyday life, the described type of personality is unable to recognize the weakness of his own character. Man invents illusory advantages. For example, he claims to smoke because he wants to, not because he is addicted to nicotine. The cause of excess weight is called heredity, and an unhealthy regimen is explained by a creative mindset.

How to improve self-control

Here are some tips for those who want to raise the bar on self-control. Above all, remember that this is hard work and good intentions alone are not enough.

A person does not like changes and does not seek to leave the existing comfort zone: the idea that it would be nice to lose a few kilograms to improve the image breaks down into the habit of eating delicious food.

By applying the techniques listed below, it will be easier for you to resist temptation and laziness.

Rest assured of success. You are free in your actions, and everything is in your hands. Things and situations are subject to the mind.
Set a specific goal. Don't try to "be healthy" in the abstract. It's best when the goal is realistic, such as "walking at least 30 minutes a day."
Monitor progress and record it. So, when going on a diet, be sure to keep a diary with indicators of weight and calories. When learning a foreign language, mark the lessons and topics you have completed.
Motivate yourself by reminding yourself why you are doing this. Don't make unrealistic commitments.
Distract yourself from temptations: do not buy sweets or cigarettes. Turn off the TV if you are going to do yoga or a foreign language. Turn off your mobile phone if you take work home.
Change your usual route. So, if you spend a lot of money on unnecessary purchases, instead of a supermarket, take a walk in a park where there are no shops.
Use self-hypnosis techniques. Five minutes of breathing exercises are great to relieve any cravings and calm the nervous system during bouts of anger or despair.
Consider the level of controlling energy. At different times of the day and year, a person has a different resource of self-control. Determine when you are most vulnerable and give in to temptation. Avoid "ego exhaustion".
Define limits in advance. Set tight deadlines for work or keep only healthy food in the refrigerator.
Avoid idleness. Studies have shown that busy people are more successful in self-management.
Maintain peace of mind. Stress is a bad helper for character building. If you don't get enough sleep and are hungry, it's hard to do the right thing. Get enough sleep, eat well, and exercise your body regularly.
Watch your thoughts. Nothing and no one should lead you astray. When interacting with interlocutors who ridicule or negatively comment on the process of change, simply do not react.
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