What causes a man to be abusive

Why Do People Abuse | The National Domestic Violence Hotline

Domestic violence stems from a desire to gain and maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abusive people believe they have the right to control and restrict their partner’s lives, often either because they believe their own feelings and needs should be the priority in the relationship, or because they enjoy exerting the power that such abuse gives them.

Tactics of abuse (in any form) may be aimed at dismantling equality in the relationship in order to make their partners feel less valuable and undeserving of respect.

Remember that everyone deserves to have a healthy, loving, and respectful relationship—no matter what.

Abuse is a learned behavior. Some people witness it in their own families growing up; others learn it slowly from friends, popular culture, or structural inequities throughout our society. No matter where they develop such behaviors, those who commit abusive acts make a choice in doing so — they also could choose not to.

There are many people who experience or witness abuse who use their experiences to end the cycle of violence and heal themselves without harming others. While outside factors (including drug or alcohol addiction) can escalate abuse, it’s important to recognize that these issues do not cause domestic abuse themselves.

Who does abuse affect?

Anyone can be abusive and anyone can be the victim of abuse. Abuse happens regardless of gender, age, sexuality, race, economic status, ability, citizenship status, or any other factor or identity. Feelings of confusion, fear, or anger are normal responses to abuse, but they may also make you feel isolated or like no one will understand. Remember that expert advocates from The Hotline are available 24/7 to talk through your situation and help you build a safety plan tailored to your circumstances.

Being abusive is a decision: it’s a strategic behavior by your partner to create their desired power dynamic.

Regardless of the circumstances of your relationship or past, no one ever deserves to be abused and you’re never responsible for your partner’s abusive actions.

Domestic violence can also strain the people who witness, intervene, or simply recognize the tragic realities of relationship abuse. It can be painful and draining — physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially — to watch the people in our lives abuse or be abused. In that regard, we are all impacted by any and all forms of abuse, and it’s on each of us to take steps in our daily interactions to end and prevent future abusive behavior.

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Beyond the physical risks of leaving an abusive relationship, there are countless other reasons why people stay in their relationships. Survivors deserve to be supported in their decision-making and empowered to reclaim control over their own lives—no matter the circumstances.

What Causes Relationship Abuse – Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness & Action

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Relationship abuse is a choice and it is a learned behavior. For these reasons, it is difficult to say that relationship abuse is caused by any one single factor. However, the following beliefs and attitudes are common for abusers:

Sense of entitlement
A belief they should have power and control over their partner
Belief that they can get away with it
Learned experience that being abusive gets them what they want
Belief that their lives should take priority

Social forces also play a pivotal role in shaping an abuser’s values and attitudes, as well as creating an environment where abusive behavior is rewarded and unpunished. The following social forces may contribute to perpetrators’ decision to abuse:

Gender-role identity – Limited definitions of “appropriate masculine behavior” that glorify aggression, violence, and dominance.
Family – Messages that men should have the power and make decisions in a household and/or intimate relationship (e.g. “a man’s home is his castle”)
Media – Portrayals of women as objects; glorification of violence and violent, coerced, and non-consensual sex; limited male and female roles.
Peer group – Social pressure to conform to a limited definition of masculinity, which centers on devaluing women.
Sports – Competition, aggression, and dominance are praised. Teammates that demonstrate sexist and/or abusive behavior are not held accountable.
Impunity – Many perpetrators do not face any negative repercussions for their sexist attitudes and abusive behaviors. If they are challenged, their excuses are accepted (e.g. blaming the behavior on alcohol use, stress, or being provoked by the victim)

Please see Rape Culture for more examples.

Relationship Abuse is NOT Caused By…

Research has shown that relationship abuse is NOT caused by the following factors:

Provocation
Behavior of victim or problems in the relationship
Stress
Drugs or alcohol
Testosterone
Genetic factors
Loss of control or Anger
Communication problems
Illness or mental health issues

Culture
Poverty

Many people experience these factors and do not abuse. These are excuses perpetrators will use to justify their behavior. If the perpetrator is trying to blame their behavior on something else other than their own choice, they are not holding themselves accountable. See Frequently Asked Questions for more info on this.

Theories of Violence

Throughout history, societies around the world have systematically devalued and oppressed women. In the United States, steps to make intimate partner abuse illegal began only in the twentieth century. Many continue to see men’s violence against women as a historical problem, but the reality is that 1 in 3 women worldwide and in the United States continue to be abused and raped by a partner. It wasn’t until 1993 that marital rape was considered a crime in all 50 states. Having a common understanding of the causes of domestic violence can help communities develop more effective responses to victims and perpetrators. Such an understanding helps us to avoid offering conflicting responses that could undermine efforts to protect victims and hold batterers accountable.

Feminist Theory

Feminist theory sees men’s violence against women as a result of a patriarchal structure. “Patriarchal means of control are often subtle and deeply entrenched, with the most violent forms not emerging until patriarchal control is threatened–as when individual women leave or threaten to leave relationships or groups of women assert their rights.”
Gelles (1997) Intimate Violence in Families

The feminist gender politics model theory about domestic violence holds that male control over women is present in many areas, ranging from intimate relationships to economic life. Most men do not abuse women, but any man can be a perpetrator. Additionally, any woman can become a victim: there has been no specific personality trait found that makes a person more likely to experience abuse–the primary shared trait of victims is being “female.” Victims of relationship abuse are often forced to stay in those relationships because of fear, lack of support, and victim-blaming by friends and larger communities.

Exchange or “choice” theory builds on the feminist model, suggesting that men choose to behave abusively toward their female partners because they can get away with it and because doing so gets them what they want in the form of power and control. Ultimately, men abuse women because they can.

Survivor theory understands women’s behavior in abusive relationships as the development of coping strategies. Her lack of options and resources make leaving difficult, and when she seeks help, she often finds it to be inadequate. Failed attempts to leave or get help end in her returning to the abuser, and abuse may escalate.

Historical Theories of Violence

The following theories were historically offered to explain and understand gender violence. These are no longer considered accurate in the field.

Codependency theory suggested that victims of abuse became dependent on their abusers. This perspective on gender violence fails to recognize the power differential between men and women and wrongly pathologizes victims of violence.

Social learning theory stated that men became abusive because they had learned violence in their families, while women “sought out” abusive men because they saw their mothers being abused. However, many children of abusive men and brothers of violent men do NOT abuse, and women who witnessed abuse in childhood are no more likely to be abused than women who did not. Because of how common abuse is, it is possible for one woman to experience abuse from more than one source during her lifetime, but this does not mean that she is “seeking out” abuse. Ultimately, the abusive partner is the one who chooses to act violently.

Learned helplessness theory suggested that victims of abuse stay in abusive relationships because prolonged abuse strips them of their will to leave. In reality, abused women continually take action to protect themselves, and often women are forced to decide that staying at any given moment is often her safest option, based on the high retaliation rate.

Cycle of violence theory, states that abusive relationships generally consist of three phases: a tension building phase, where the abusive partner becomes irritable, controlling, and potentially verbally abusive while the woman walks on eggshells; a explosive phase, where violence is present; and a honeymoon phase, in which the abusive partner wins back the woman with flowers and apologies. This is outdated because it is not consistent with women’s experiences. Many women report that there was no gradual build-up of tension, but rather sporadic, unpredictable episodes of violence. Additionally, others never experience a “honeymoon phase.” When they do, this is more accurately described as the “manipulation phase,” because it is a control tactic on the part of the abuser.

Systems theory sees abuse as simply a result of dysfunction within the relationship. This model suggests that both partners contribute to the escalation of anger. Bograd (1984) argues that the systems theory approach is often dangerous because it ignores the power imbalance in relationship abuse and it implies that the survivor is in some way responsible for the abuse. It is common for couples to get angry or frustrated with each other, but becoming verbally or physically abusive is always a choice. Systems theory may be applied for common problems in a relationship, but should not be utilized in cases of relationship abuse. For more information, click here.

Related Information

A Note on Terminology

Domestic violence/relationship abuse refers to intimate relationships, not child abuse. “Woman” encompasses all female-identifying individuals and nonbinary and genderqueer people. Relationship abuse happens at the same rate in LGBTQI+ relationships and all of the information on this site is relevant for male victims and for individuals in LGBTQI+ relationships. In addition, please see our resources on LGBTQI+ relationships. Our goal is to encourage helping professionals to be gender inclusive. This includes using gender-neutral language when working with individuals, while continuing to analyze gender as a construct that has implications on gender based violence in heterosexual and LGBTQI+ relationships.

The main questions of life. Why are people so cruel to each other?

Simon McCarthy-Jones
Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology and Neuropsychology

November 1, 2020

Image copyright, Getty Images

Inflicting pain on someone who is unable to retaliate may seem like unacceptable cruelty, but it happens more often than you might think.

Our colleagues at BBC Future continue their 'Life's Big Questions' series with The Conversation. Another such question was asked by Ruth from London:

Why do some people act cruelly towards those who do not pose any danger to them - sometimes even towards their own children? Where does this behavior come from and what purpose does it serve? - Ruth, 45, London.

Answered by Simon McCarthy-Jones, Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology and Neuropsychology at Trinity College Dublin, Ireland.

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"What a chimera is man, what a center of contradictions, what a monster! Judge of all things - and at the same time an earthly worm; a witness of truth - and at the same time a cesspool of ignorance and delusion; pride of the universe - and at the same time, its last dregs,” wrote Blaise Pascal, the eminent French philosopher and mathematician, in 1658.

Little has changed since Pascal's time. We love, we hate, we help, we harm. We reach out and we stick a knife in the back. We understand when someone snaps back in an attempt to protect themselves. But when someone hurts someone completely harmless, we ask the question: "How could he?!"

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People tend to do things that bring them pleasure or help them avoid suffering. Inflicting pain on another person causes most of us to feel their pain. And we don't like that feeling.

From this we can assume that there are two reasons why people make the defenseless suffer: they either do not feel the pain of others, or they feel, but it brings them pleasure.

There is another reason: even in the most harmless person, another can see a hidden threat to himself. Someone who doesn't pose a threat to your body or wallet can threaten your social status. This helps to explain the seemingly inexplicable actions of those who harm those who help them—financially, for example.

In today's liberal society, it is commonly believed that by making others suffer, we harm them. However, some philosophers reject this idea. (For example, Friedrich Nietzsche wrote in his book "Evil Wisdom": "The cruelty of an insensitive person is the opposite of compassion; the cruelty of a sensitive person is a higher potency of compassion.")

But can we understand and accept cruelty "for the sake of compassion" in the 21st century?

Sadists and psychopaths

He who takes pleasure in humiliating another and inflicting pain on another is a sadist. Sadists feel the pain of another person more than others and enjoy it - at least as long as this pain lasts. After that, they may feel bad.

In the public mind, sadism is associated with murderers and executioners, those who torture. However, there is a much less extreme, but much more common type of sadism - everyday sadism.

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Image caption,

Most of us would refrain from deliberately inflicting pain on another person, primarily because by injuring others, we partly share their pain

Domestic sadists enjoy inflicting pain on others or watching how they suffer. Usually they like violent films, they are delighted with fights, they are interested in torture. There are few such people - but not so much that they are not noticed. About 6% of the students surveyed admitted that they enjoy inflicting pain on others.

Domestic sadism can take the form of Internet trolling or bullying of a classmate. Domestic sadists are drawn to playing computer games full of violence. And in online role-playing computer games, such people are usually "griefers" - pests, dirty tricks that spoil the gameplay for others without any benefit to themselves.

Unlike sadists, psychopaths cause suffering to others not because they enjoy it (although they can get it), but because they want something. If inflicting pain on another will help achieve the goal, then so be it.

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Psychopaths do this because they are less likely to feel pity, remorse or fear. They may understand how others feel at the same time, but it does not touch them.

And this is a very dangerous set of qualities. For thousands of years, mankind has tamed itself. As a result, many of us find it difficult to hurt another person. For those who torture or kill, memories of this haunt them all their lives. Yet psychopathy is a powerful predictor of future unprovoked violence.

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Image caption,

Some scientists believe that having sadistic traits helps people to gain influence, to break through to power

We need to be aware when we encounter a psychopath. This conclusion can be drawn by observing the facial expression of a person or having a short conversation with him.

Unfortunately, psychopaths know this and try very hard to disguise themselves, to make a good first impression on you.

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Psychopaths are capable of empathy

Fortunately, most people do not have psychopathic character traits. Only 0.5% can be recognized as psychopaths. At the same time, among prisoners there are about 8% of men and 2% of women.

But not all psychopaths are dangerous. Antisocial psychopaths may seek the thrill of drugs or dangerous activities. Prosocial psychopaths can act in the best interest of society, enjoying the pursuit of new ideas.

Just as inventions and innovations change our society, prosocial psychopaths can change the world for all of us. Both for the better and for the worse.

Where do these character traits come from?

No one really knows why some people are sadists. Some believe that sadism developed as a reaction to the need to kill animals while hunting. Others believe that it helps people achieve influence, break through to power. Neuroscience suggests that sadism may have been a survival tactic in times of trouble.

When certain foods are scarce, the levels of the neurotransmitter serotonin, the “hormone of happiness,” in our body drops. This makes us more inclined to want to harm others because it becomes more enjoyable.

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Image caption,

There are "softer" forms of sadism that give people the cheap pleasure of watching someone in a vulnerable position.

Psychopathy can also be opportunism. A number of studies have associated higher levels of psychopathy with greater fertility (although the opposite has also been found). The reason for this may be that psychopaths have a reproductive advantage in aggressive environments.

Indeed, psychopathy thrives in an unstable world of fierce competition. The abilities of psychopaths make them skilled manipulators. Impulsivity and lack of fear help them take risks and achieve short-term goals.

The fact that psychopathy is alive and well in the modern world can also be explained by its connection with creativity.

Eric Weinstein, a mathematician and economist who applies the theoretical achievements of mathematical physics to traditional economics, argues that in general people with a difficult character are the engine of progress.

However, when the environment is conducive to creative thinking, the benefits of psychopaths are no longer so obvious.

Sadism and psychopathy are usually closely related to other character traits - narcissism and Machiavellianism. These aspects of the human personality have a common denominator - the so-called D-factor, the "dark triad" factor.

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The hereditary component in these traits can be either moderate or strong. Some people are born that way. Or parents who have high D-factor levels can pass on these traits to their children by being rude in the family.

It is clear that observing how others behave can teach us to behave in the same way. So each of us has a role to play in the fight against cruelty.

Fear and dehumanization

It is often said that it is possible to be cruel by dehumanizing other people, depriving them of human qualities. Potential victims are called dogs, cockroaches, lice, so that later it would be easier to infringe on them, to hurt them.

This makes some sense. Research shows that when someone breaks societal norms, our brains paint their face as less human. This makes it easier for us to punish those who break the code of conduct.

Of course, it is nice to think that if we see someone as a person, then we will not harm him. But this is a dangerous delusion.

Psychologist Paul Bloom believes that our most cruel acts are not based on the dehumanization of others. People can hurt others precisely because they see them as human beings who do not want to endure pain and humiliation.

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Image caption,

During the Holocaust, the Nazis killed millions in concentration camps

For example, the Nazis dehumanized the Jews, calling them parasites and classifying them as an inferior, inferior race. However, the Jews were humiliated, tortured and killed precisely because they were seen as living people who could be made to suffer.

Belittling a benefactor

Sometimes people harm even those who help them, including financially, although at first glance such actions do not make any sense. Why hurt someone who does you good?

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This phenomenon is known as "belittling benefactor" and is found all over the world.

"Benefactor's belittling" exists because we tend to resist domination, in whatever form it manifests itself - in the form of help "from the master's shoulder" or in the form of a categorical know-it-all on the UN platform.

The best is the enemy of the good, says the popular expression attributed to Voltaire. In addition, there is one hidden positive side to belittling a benefactor. After we dethrone a benefactor from his pedestal, we are more likely to listen to what he has to say.

For example, one study found that when people are allowed to say that they don't like vegetarians, they subsequently become less supportive of meat-eating.

Execution, crucifixion, or simply harsh criticism of the evangelist may ultimately help his words find new listeners and supporters.

Cruelty for good

In Whiplash ( Rev. ), a jazz band leader brutalizes his apprentice drummer in order to encourage him to achieve a high level of mastery of playing on percussion. Through psychological stress, he tries to reveal talent, to give a chance to achieve real greatness.

This tactic may disgust us. However, the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche believed that we have an undeservedly great disgust for such cruelty.

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Photo caption,

The history of mankind is darkened by violence and cruelty against those who bring the good news

From Nietzsche's point of view, the teacher is cruel to the student for his own good. People can also be cruel to themselves in order to become what they want to become.

Nietzsche believed that the experience of cruelty can help develop courage, fortitude, fortitude and creativity.

Are we ready to develop good qualities in ourselves and others through suffering?

Probably not. We already know the potentially devastating consequences of experiencing abuse from others, including on physical and mental health, and we are increasingly recognizing the benefits of treating ourselves with compassion.

And the very idea that we have to suffer in order to develop raises more and more questions. Positive events in life - falling in love, having children, achieving a cherished goal - may well lead to personal development.

Learning through cruelty provokes abuse of power and selfish sadism.

Buddhism offers an alternative - in the form of an angry manifestation of compassion. True compassion, Buddhists believe, can take on confrontational forms that look like anger but are not (such as the compassion of angry deities). And then we enter into a confrontation with others, acting in the name of love, protecting them from their own greed, hatred and fear.

Life can be cruel, truth can be cruel. But we can choose not to be cruel ourselves.

The instinct of corruption: what makes mothers be cruel | Articles

Locked in apartments, thrown out of windows, forgotten in the forest at night - these children did not deserve such cruelty from those who are obliged to take care of them and protect them from evil. Cases where a mother lays her hand on a child or leaves him in danger occur with frightening regularity. The most resonant of them make you seriously think that these women have lost their maternal instinct. Izvestia has collected expert opinions on what are the roots of the problems of parental indifference and aggression and who is to blame for the fact that cruelty against children has become a system.

Cruel and unsatisfied

Among the reasons that unite two seemingly incompatible concepts - motherhood and cruelty - sociologists single out unfavorable social and material conditions, a drop in income due to the birth of a child, and a woman's psychological reaction to the disorder of life.

“This is dissatisfaction with oneself, one's life, one's female and status position. On this basis, women's "bitterness from dissatisfaction" is concentrated. Alas, it is the child in this case for the irritated mother "to blame for everything." A woman is always looking for someone to blame for her failures, usually among people from her inner circle. And this, of course, is either a husband or a child who "ruined her life. " In the case when there is no husband, and life is unsettled, it is the child who becomes the main culprit of this disorder and, accordingly, the object of cruelty. It becomes superfluous for such mothers,” Galina Sillaste, professor of sociology, scientific director of the Department of Sociology, History and Philosophy of the Financial University under the Government of the Russian Federation, member of the scientific and expert council under the chairman of the Federation Council, explained to Izvestia.

pregnant

Photo: Depositphotos

Another reason that fuels maternal cruelty and indifference can be considered a decrease in social control by society and the state over the state of dysfunctional families. Neighbors, relatives and teachers try not to interfere in the aggressive environment within the family. Although, of course, there are exceptions.

“If a society underestimates the personal responsibility of a mother for the condition of a child, his safety and security, if public control and support do not work, then the state remains one mechanism for protecting children from domestic violence and mother’s cruelty — tightening the norms of law and the operation of the law with respect to control by the persons concerned. And this is a breeding ground for strengthening juvenile justice, which, in my opinion, is far from the best option,” adds the professor of sociology.

An important step in this direction could be the introduction of a law on the prevention of domestic violence. Because the object of this aggression is often the most vulnerable part of the family - small children. As support measures for single mothers, which could act as a prevention of aggression in the family, Sillaste singles out the introduction of psychological assistance services for single mothers, which will partly redirect aggression and ruthlessness towards a weak and completely dependent little person . But, in addition to this, the system of material support for single mothers should also be improved.

Household care

Control over dysfunctional families and the safety of children in them is a direct task of guardianship authorities. However, often employees are not even able to talk to parents, to whom the service has questions. This happens due to the family moving and, as a result, the loss of communication with it. Commissioner for Children's Rights Anna Kuznetsova believes that the appearance of numerous "invisible children" is connected precisely with the lack of trust of parents who find themselves in a difficult situation in the guardianship authorities.

“If it were 100%, there would be more calls, and all these cases could be prevented. Who would call? It could be the mother herself, who says that she has a problem and she can’t cope. But at the same time, she knows that they will come not to count oranges in the refrigerator and not to calculate the distance from the table to the chair, but to offer the help of a psychologist, a lawyer and sort out the problem. With this mode of operation, the number of such incidents can be seriously reduced, ”the children’s ombudsman told Izvestia.

In the case of a five-year-old girl taken from a cluttered apartment on Leningradskoye Shosse, a guardian's visit would be a necessary preventive measure. If the staff had detected problems that were visible to the naked eye in time, such severe consequences for the child could have been avoided.

Kuznetsova

Commissioner for Children's Rights Anna Kuznetsova

Photo: Izvestia/Mikhail Tereshchenko

“She sniffed and licked fruit. For the first time in my life I saw a marker and did not know why she was given this colored stick, then she realized that she was drawing. The pencil was more understandable to her. Only today (March 13, 2019. - Ed.) began to have a more positive attitude towards the bed. That is, she did not sleep on the bed, she wanted to sleep on a chair. They washed it with a fight: there was a squeal, a scream. I had a feeling, but, of course, I do not make diagnoses, but speak about my impression: she looks at us like at a zoo. She probably has not seen so many people, she really wants to please, to do as we ask. But she does not always understand, - Anna Kuznetsova shared with Izvestia, - She does not tolerate when she is left alone. Unfortunately, there is no speech yet, there are separate syllables that she shouts out when she doesn’t like something. But when slippers were brought to her, she said: "Slippers." She eats well on her own, you don’t need to teach her.”

The duty of guardianship authorities does not include door-to-door visits to all families with children, said Yury Kotov, head of the department for organizing the activities of commissions for minors and protecting their rights in Moscow. The visit of the inspector may be related to complaints from neighbors, relatives, teachers or employees of preschool institutions.

“Guardian has no obligation to go door to door. Moreover, given the situation with the guardianship authorities in general, people perceive with hostility the visit of an inspector or attention to a particular family . Six years ago, they developed a regulation for the early detection of family troubles, prescribed possible cases, how to anticipate such situations. If the parent does not pay for the apartment, then the guardianship authorities should pay attention to the situation. Not to select children, but to find out the reason: whether they drink money or they are in distress. To ignore such a situation is the height of incompetence, ”Kotov clarified in an interview with Izvestia.

Child Experiment Time

Practicing lawyers and law enforcement officers tend to believe that the problem has always existed, but today it is given close attention due to the development of the media - access to information has increased manifold. Those horrors that only the district police officer, lawyer, investigator and the circle of persons interested in the case knew about are now procrastinating in social networks and on federal channels. And yet, the attitude to native children is significantly influenced by modernity.

“According to my observations, today's problem parents, in particular negligent mothers, are, in turn, the children of those who at 19In the 90s, he tried to feed his family, disappeared at work. On the one hand, it is a sin to blame them for this, and on the other hand, we have received a whole generation of unprepared mothers and fathers. Infantile parents without a clear understanding of the family and motherhood now and then get into scandalous news, ”lawyer Yevgeny Korchago told Izvestia. In the past, he served as a district commissioner in one of the district departments of the capital, where he had to remove children from dysfunctional families.

Photo: RIA Novosti / Vitaly Ankov

“Many parents sincerely believe that having given birth to a child, they receive full control over it. Hence, in my opinion, strange decisions with the nutrition of a minor, his appearance, name. The same, in some cases, dictated such significant things as the choice of the future for the child, the rejection of compulsory vaccinations. According to the principle "as I want, so I twist." Parents who are special in terms of worldview subject their children to even more dangerous experiments - they exclude children from society on the basis of religious beliefs. Others consider it possible to turn the apartment where the child lives into a passage yard for labor migrants. Situations have become common today when some relatives initiate the deprivation of parental rights of their other relatives in order to remove the child from a socially dangerous environment, ”says Korchago.

Unconscious Evil

The roots of the problem, based on Western psychoanalytic experience, are found in the early childhood of those negligent mothers.

“Until the age of three, the psyche is formed only by the mother. This is what psychoanalytic theory says. Only then does the father appear, who is responsible for the formation of conscience and mentally separates the mother and child, ”explains the importance of the presence of a mother in a person’s life in an interview with Izvestia, psychotherapist, deviantologist and president of the Chance Charitable Foundation Gelena Ivanova. Hundreds of difficult teenagers went through the specialist, many of whom committed serious crimes. Gelena Ivanova believes that the foundations of aggressive behavior are laid in early childhood.

“Deviant motherhood is, first of all, when the parental stage is violated, these women cannot be good mothers. As a rule, these are scenarios - such behavior is transmitted from mother to daughter and so on, ”says the psychotherapist. But there is a way out of this circle, the expert believes.

“You can work with children. We can fix their script and they will become good parents,” says Ivanova. Psychoanalytic therapy (psychodynamic approach) can bring recovery - for two years, once a week, the patient should talk with a specialist. New identification and even empathy (feeling of compassion. - Izvestia) is formed with the help of such therapy. Of course, this should be done by qualified people, ”the deviantologist believes. She stressed that Today in Russia there are practically no such specialists. Moreover, they are not in the system of guardianship authorities. Without solving this personnel problem, it is, in fact, pointless to fight the consequences of juvenile aggression and deviant motherhood.

Photo: TACC/Valery Sharifulin

“We have one method - a mental hospital. For example, a child ran away from home - he was immediately sent to a mental hospital. I had patients who were admitted to the hospital seven times. This is a disaster, in my opinion, ”says Ivanova.

“If you take the case of a child in Moscow, I think that the mother had postpartum depression. She once found herself alone with a baby, without work - the peak of depression. How did she survive? It is possible that this depression took on a psychotic form. She, of course, satisfied the need for food, brought water from somewhere. But she needed help... Perhaps she would have asked for it herself, but how our system works is to remove the child and that's it.

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