Therapist specializing in narcissistic abuse

How to Find a Therapist Who Understands Narcissistic Abuse Recovery & NPD: 10 Powerful Questions

When you’re going through narcissistic abuse recovery, you might want to find a good narcissistic abuse therapist. If so, you’re obviously going to want one who is familiar with the topic of narcissistic abuse and also has a good understanding of narcissistic personality disorder and the extreme effects being involved with this sort of person can have on your entire life. And how do you go about finding a narcissism-informed therapist anyway?

In This Article

In this video, I’ll explain how you can find a narcissistic abuse therapist and give you a list of questions to ask the therapist about narcissism and narcissistic abuse recovery.

Research proves that the most effective therapy happens when the relationship between the client and the therapist is comfortable and where the client feels understood.

This is especially important for narcissistic abuse survivors because so often, we are starved of any personal validation. We need to know that they “feel” us – feel me?

How to Interview Your Potential Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapist

Start With a List of Potential Therapist Candidates

The first step to finding a narcissistic abuse recovery therapist is to find a list of therapists covered by your insurance company who specializes in relationships and emotional abuse, if possible. You might also find therapists who specialize in codependency, adult children of abusive parents, or even family therapy.

Schedule the Interview or a Single Session to Evaluate

Don’t commit to a therapist unless you feel comfortable with them. A lot of people don’t know this, but you can do an interview or an introductory session with therapists, in most cases. So, if possible, you can schedule an in-person, online, or telephone interview in advance. Failing that, you could also just schedule a single session to explain your situation and evaluate the therapist and whether he or she will be a good fit for you.

Ask This Question to Figure Out If the Therapist is a Fit for Your Recovery

Maybe you don’t want the therapist to know that you’re sort of “testing them,” so you’d like to kind of tiptoe around the issue, while still figuring out if they can help with narcissistic abuse recovery effectively. If you can only ask one question or you prefer to avoid the more direct approach, here’s a quick way to find out if your therapist is familiar with narcissistic abuse recovery and narcissistic personality disorder.

Ask the therapist “What is your take on gaslighting?” You can also add, “how would you explain gaslighting to someone who hadn’t heard of it before?”

I’ve had a lot of clients tell me that their therapists aren’t familiar with that term, and if they’re not, it’s a really great sign that they don’t know about it. I also suggest, if possible, that you find someone who has at least a bit of personal experience with emotional abuse – and if they have, they’ll generally admit that to you. Visit Our Find a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapist Page.

10 Questions to Help Determine if They Can Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

If you’ve got time for a full-on interview, here are some questions to consider asking to figure out if the therapist you’re considering working with will be able to help with your narcissistic abuse recovery and any C-PTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder) symptoms you might be struggling with.

1. What do you know about emotional abuse?

You may or may not actually want to mention the term “narcissist” or even “narcissistic personality disorder.” In that case, just say “emotional abuse” or “psychological abuse” and leave the actual diagnosis to the therapist. Here are some examples of things you can say.

I have been dealing with someone who has emotionally abused me, and this person appears to demonstrate some of (or all of) the traits of narcissistic personality disorder.
I’m hoping to work on recovering from an abusive relationship.
How would you go about treating that?

2. What is your approach or your therapy style for narcissistic abuse recovery?

You might also get specific, saying something like, “Regarding your therapy style, do you lean more toward cognitive behavior therapy or digging into the deep core issues or the root of the problem?” Here are some tips to help you figure out what the right answer for you will be in this case.

If you want to start feeling better by treating symptoms and learning coping techniques, you want a therapist who is more CBT-focused.
If you want to reach the root of the problem, you will want to dig into it with a psychodynamic-based therapy style.
Ideally, you might want both – so a program that starts by treating the immediate pain and that leads to digging into the root causes as you go. A combined approach would probably be best for you as a narcissistic abuse survivor. It’s good to understand how you got there so you won’t be there again.

Best Practice: If it fits in your budget, get a narcissistic abuse recovery coach along with your therapist. This way, you can focus on learning coping techniques and getting validation from a coach who understands where you are, as well as traditional therapy.

3. Do you usually act as more of a guide or more of a consultant?

Fact: Some therapists use really harsh “in your face” kinds of therapy and this is usually not good for survivors. It’s often used by practitioners of “Gestalt” therapy which puts all personal responsibility for your circumstances on your own shoulders. Now, don’t get me wrong. Each of us can shoulder our own responsibility in the relationship – mostly, we are responsible on some level for tolerating as long as we did, for allowing ourselves to be disrespected over and over again. But what many traditional therapists don’t take into account (and won’t recognize) is the extreme amount of psychological warfare we experience at the hands of a narcissist.

So, while none of us is completely without fault in having been in the toxic relationship, we are not to blame for the abuse we endured. After spending years or even decades being told you are the cause of every single problem on the planet, you don’t need any more blame. You need actual help. In other words, you want to know if they’re going to lead the sessions with a tight, planned structure or if they’ll let you lead with whatever you’re dealing with. I like the idea of a flexible session – so if you want to talk about a specific thing, it’s okay to put your planned goals for the scheduled session on hold.

4. Have you ever helped someone like me before?

For the most part, you don’t have the time or energy to be anyone’s guinea pig in narcissistic abuse recovery. So, ask the therapist if they have done this before. Some clarifying questions you can ask include the following.

Are you familiar with domestic violence and/or emotional abuse in relationships?
Have you ever helped someone through narcissistic abuse recovery?
What is your best piece of advice for recovering from this kind of trauma?

5. Do you offer phone check-ins or text support between sessions?

You may or may not wish to check in with your narcissistic abuse recovery therapist between sessions. This is a good time to find out their preference.
Be careful to find out the times you are able to check-in (if that’s the case) and how quickly (and how often) you can expect a response.

6. Will you give me advice if I ask for it specifically?

Some therapists absolutely will not give advice or direction under any circumstances, depending on their particular style. If you want to ask for advice and get answers, you need to know ahead of time if that will be an option.

7. What can I expect during our work together?

Will you give me assignments and/or coping techniques I can use between sessions for healing and managing during recovery?
What will a session be like?
How often will we meet?

8. Who is your ideal client?

9. Is our session completely confidential, or will you disclose details to my insurance company (or employer)?

10. Do you think you can help me?

The Most Important Part: Does it FEEL right?

How to take notes during the interview.

Consider the following points in your notes during the interview.

How quickly you were able to feel comfortable with the therapist.
Whether you felt rushed or if you were allowed to go at a comfortable pace.
Whether the therapist seemed to “get” you from the start, or it took several attempts to help them see your point of view or perspective, or to understand what you were trying to explain.
Whether you understood the responses clearly and comfortably.
Whether you think you’d feel comfortable sharing your deepest secrets with this person.

My best tip? Go with your gut! Use your intuition! Since you might be an empath, pay attention to how the therapist makes you FEEL. You should feel comfortable and not feel the need to hide who you are in any way from this person. You should not feel “judged,” just safe.

It seems counterintuitive, but in some cases, a specific therapist may not be the ideal person to help with your narcissistic abuse recovery.

Therapists are often under-educated when it comes to narcissistic abuse recovery and toxic relationships with people with narcissistic personality disorder. It’s not that therapists are useless, it’s just that they don’t always know the depths of emotional abuse and how to recognize someone with narcissistic personality disorder.

In most cases, when you consult psychologists on love, they are fairly accurate. But when it comes to finding a good narcissistic abuse therapist, it’s often easier said than done. And going to couples therapy with a narcissist will almost definitely set you up for victim-blaming.

Evidence That Therapists Aren’t Taught About Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Abuse in School

The video below, entitled Therapist Who Survived Narcissistic Parents & Toxic Childhood on How Therapy Failed Her, is an interview with a therapist who is also a survivor on why therapists don’t always understand what you’ve gone through during narcissistic relationships and how YouTube videos gave her the final piece she needed for healing.

If you’re considering counseling for divorce or going no contact with someone with NPD, this video might help you make more careful choices in your healing.

Visit Our Find a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapist Page for Additional Information

Resources That Might Help You

Take the C-PTSD Test Now and Find Out If You’re Affected!
Are you having an anxiety attack? Know the warning signs.
Toxic Relationships: Identifying and Managing Anxiety Caused by Narcissistic Abuse
Brain Training: 10 Proven Boredom Busters Guaranteed to Work for You
Are you dealing with narcissistic abuse? Find out by taking our self-assessment.
Think you might be in a relationship with a narcissist? Take this test and find out.
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups

Ways to Get Support

The QueenBeeing SPANily, Official – We consider this to be the best narcissistic abuse recovery support group on the web. Offers several subgroups and features a vigilant, compassionate admin team full of trained coaches and survivors, supporting more than 12k members. SPAN is an acronym created by Angie Atkinson that stands for Support for People Affected by Narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships.
Other Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups – We also have separate groups for each stage in your narcissistic abuse recovery, as well as some for those who have moved past recovery and are evolving into the next stage of their own life. Survivors have unique and individual needs, even when they’ve moved on – so we’re still here for you.
One-on-One Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching – If you prefer to get more personalized support in your recovery, you might like to schedule a session with one of our coaches to plan and execute your own narcissistic abuse recovery plan.
Find a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapist – If you’re looking for a therapist for narcissistic abuse recovery, either because you cannot afford coaching and want to use your health insurance or because you have additional issues you need to address that do not fall within the realm of coaching, you will want to find the right therapist for you – and as far as we’re concerned, that therapist must understand what you’ve been through. This page offers assistance to help you do exactly that.
Where Are You in Recovery? You might not be sure exactly where you fit in and what level of recovery you’ve achieved. If that’s the case, you’ll want to check out this self-assessment to help you determine exactly where you fall in the stages of recovery from narcissistic abuse. Once you finish and submit the assessment, you will be given resources for your own situation, along with recommendations of which groups to join.
Which Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program is Right for You? If you aren’t sure which program you want to utilize to facilitate your recovery from narcissistic abuse, this self-assessment will help you decide.

Helpful Related articles

Why Narcissists Are Often Misdiagnosed With Bipolar Disorder
Toxic Relationships and Narcissism: Stages of Gaslighting
Take the Narcissistic Personality Inventory Test Here
Toxic Narcissism in Relationships: Identifying PTSD and C-PTSD
121 Things Narcissists Say When They Are Gaslighting You
Knowledge is Power: 4 Important NPD Statistics Survivors Need to Know – QueenBeeingQueenBeeing
The Narcissistic Elephant in the Room: How Narcissists Affect Their Kids – QueenBeeingQueenBeeing
Gaslighting and Toxic Narcissism: Top 10 Red Flags (Video) – QueenBeeingQueenBeeing
DUO – QueenBeeingQueenBeeing

Author

Angela Atkinson
Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own. Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves. Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.
View all posts

Where are you in your recovery?

Discovery

Understanding

Overcoming

Not sure (Help me decide!)

We won’t send you spam. Unsubscribe at any time.

Award for Angie’s YouTube Channel

Disclosure – Click to Read

How to Find a Therapist Who Understands Narcissistic Abuse Recovery & NPD: 10 Powerful Questions

In This Article

In this video, I’ll explain how you can find a narcissistic abuse therapist and give you a list of questions to ask the therapist about narcissism and narcissistic abuse recovery.

Research proves that the most effective therapy happens when the relationship between the client and the therapist is comfortable and where the client feels understood.

This is especially important for narcissistic abuse survivors because so often, we are starved of any personal validation. We need to know that they “feel” us – feel me?

How to Interview Your Potential Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapist

Start With a List of Potential Therapist Candidates

Schedule the Interview or a Single Session to Evaluate

Ask This Question to Figure Out If the Therapist is a Fit for Your Recovery

Ask the therapist “What is your take on gaslighting?” You can also add, “how would you explain gaslighting to someone who hadn’t heard of it before?”

10 Questions to Help Determine if They Can Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

1. What do you know about emotional abuse?

I have been dealing with someone who has emotionally abused me, and this person appears to demonstrate some of (or all of) the traits of narcissistic personality disorder.
I’m hoping to work on recovering from an abusive relationship.
How would you go about treating that?

2. What is your approach or your therapy style for narcissistic abuse recovery?

If you want to start feeling better by treating symptoms and learning coping techniques, you want a therapist who is more CBT-focused.
If you want to reach the root of the problem, you will want to dig into it with a psychodynamic-based therapy style.
Ideally, you might want both – so a program that starts by treating the immediate pain and that leads to digging into the root causes as you go. A combined approach would probably be best for you as a narcissistic abuse survivor. It’s good to understand how you got there so you won’t be there again.
Best Practice: If it fits in your budget, get a narcissistic abuse recovery coach along with your therapist. This way, you can focus on learning coping techniques and getting validation from a coach who understands where you are, as well as traditional therapy.

3. Do you usually act as more of a guide or more of a consultant?

4. Have you ever helped someone like me before?

Are you familiar with domestic violence and/or emotional abuse in relationships?
Have you ever helped someone through narcissistic abuse recovery?
What is your best piece of advice for recovering from this kind of trauma?

5. Do you offer phone check-ins or text support between sessions?

You may or may not wish to check in with your narcissistic abuse recovery therapist between sessions. This is a good time to find out their preference.
Be careful to find out the times you are able to check-in (if that’s the case) and how quickly (and how often) you can expect a response.

6. Will you give me advice if I ask for it specifically?

7. What can I expect during our work together?

Will you give me assignments and/or coping techniques I can use between sessions for healing and managing during recovery?
What will a session be like?
How often will we meet?

8. Who is your ideal client?

9. Is our session completely confidential, or will you disclose details to my insurance company (or employer)?

10. Do you think you can help me?

The Most Important Part: Does it FEEL right?

How to take notes during the interview.

Consider the following points in your notes during the interview.

How quickly you were able to feel comfortable with the therapist.
Whether you felt rushed or if you were allowed to go at a comfortable pace.
Whether the therapist seemed to “get” you from the start, or it took several attempts to help them see your point of view or perspective, or to understand what you were trying to explain.
Whether you understood the responses clearly and comfortably.
Whether you think you’d feel comfortable sharing your deepest secrets with this person.

It seems counterintuitive, but in some cases, a specific therapist may not be the ideal person to help with your narcissistic abuse recovery.

Evidence That Therapists Aren’t Taught About Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Abuse in School

If you’re considering counseling for divorce or going no contact with someone with NPD, this video might help you make more careful choices in your healing.

Visit Our Find a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapist Page for Additional Information

Resources That Might Help You

Take the C-PTSD Test Now and Find Out If You’re Affected!
Are you having an anxiety attack? Know the warning signs.
Toxic Relationships: Identifying and Managing Anxiety Caused by Narcissistic Abuse
Brain Training: 10 Proven Boredom Busters Guaranteed to Work for You
Are you dealing with narcissistic abuse? Find out by taking our self-assessment.
Think you might be in a relationship with a narcissist? Take this test and find out.
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups

Ways to Get Support

The QueenBeeing SPANily, Official – We consider this to be the best narcissistic abuse recovery support group on the web. Offers several subgroups and features a vigilant, compassionate admin team full of trained coaches and survivors, supporting more than 12k members. SPAN is an acronym created by Angie Atkinson that stands for Support for People Affected by Narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships.
Other Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups – We also have separate groups for each stage in your narcissistic abuse recovery, as well as some for those who have moved past recovery and are evolving into the next stage of their own life. Survivors have unique and individual needs, even when they’ve moved on – so we’re still here for you.
One-on-One Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching – If you prefer to get more personalized support in your recovery, you might like to schedule a session with one of our coaches to plan and execute your own narcissistic abuse recovery plan.
Find a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapist – If you’re looking for a therapist for narcissistic abuse recovery, either because you cannot afford coaching and want to use your health insurance or because you have additional issues you need to address that do not fall within the realm of coaching, you will want to find the right therapist for you – and as far as we’re concerned, that therapist must understand what you’ve been through. This page offers assistance to help you do exactly that.
Where Are You in Recovery? You might not be sure exactly where you fit in and what level of recovery you’ve achieved. If that’s the case, you’ll want to check out this self-assessment to help you determine exactly where you fall in the stages of recovery from narcissistic abuse. Once you finish and submit the assessment, you will be given resources for your own situation, along with recommendations of which groups to join.
Which Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program is Right for You? If you aren’t sure which program you want to utilize to facilitate your recovery from narcissistic abuse, this self-assessment will help you decide.

Helpful Related articles

Why Narcissists Are Often Misdiagnosed With Bipolar Disorder
Toxic Relationships and Narcissism: Stages of Gaslighting
Take the Narcissistic Personality Inventory Test Here
Toxic Narcissism in Relationships: Identifying PTSD and C-PTSD
121 Things Narcissists Say When They Are Gaslighting You
Knowledge is Power: 4 Important NPD Statistics Survivors Need to Know – QueenBeeingQueenBeeing
The Narcissistic Elephant in the Room: How Narcissists Affect Their Kids – QueenBeeingQueenBeeing
Gaslighting and Toxic Narcissism: Top 10 Red Flags (Video) – QueenBeeingQueenBeeing
DUO – QueenBeeingQueenBeeing

Author

Angela Atkinson
Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own. Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves. Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.
View all posts

Where are you in your recovery?

Discovery

Understanding

Overcoming

Not sure (Help me decide!)

We won’t send you spam. Unsubscribe at any time.

Award for Angie’s YouTube Channel

Disclosure – Click to Read

What are the signs of narcissistic abuse and what to do about it?

Author: Claudia M.

Elsig, MD

“Daffodils and psychopaths are everywhere. They are hard to recognize and harder to deal with.” These are the words of Sam Vaknin, professor of psychology, expert on narcissism and author of Malignant Narcissism: Narcissism Revisited , the first book on narcissistic abuse. child. Perhaps you are dating a narcissist? Whoever this person is, those under the influence of a narcissist often live in loneliness, pain, and fear.

The exclusive CALDA clinic specializes in individual mental health rehabilitation programs, including the treatment of problems resulting from narcissistic abuse. This blog reveals some of the signs to look out for and provides guidance on what to do.

So how do you know if there is a narcissist in your life?

What is narcissistic behavior?

The first signs that your partner/boss/friend is a narcissist are often subtle. At first, they will shower you with praise, and in the case of a romantic relationship, with love. Relationships can seem almost perfect. When the first cues appear, the behavior may show itself as occasional outbursts of anger, or you may notice that the person is unable to take any kind of remarks or criticism. Or they may begin to negatively evaluate your appearance or behavior.

Narcissists tend to be domineering, dictating what to do, where to go, and even what to wear. This will gradually manifest itself as the relationship develops. The narcissist in your life will start to neglect you and your needs, and if you try to reason with them, they will put you down by saying things like "you're over-dramatizing" or "don't be funny." Your dreams, ideas, and needs are completely ignored by them because they lack the ability to care for and empathize with you.

For narcissists, there is only a sense of self-importance. They behave spoiled, expect constant praise and consider themselves superior to others. They can be proud and arrogant, expecting people to want to be around them. When a narcissist doesn't get what they want, they become irritable, rude, and angry. The narcissist easily feels offended and is often in a bad mood. He (or she) will never admit that the problem is in their own behavior - the fault always lies with someone else.

It is not a problem for a narcissist to destroy relationships openly and recklessly.

Why do people become narcissists?

Professor Vaknin describes the narcissist as "a collection of personalities in one body."2 The narcissist cannot be calculated because the behavior fluctuates between two limits. While the narcissist may appear unpredictable, incomprehensible, and complex, in reality, according to Vaknin, it is "a very simple binary machine" with "the behavior of a two-year-old child."

According to him, this is due to the fact that parents do not provide the child with the opportunity to properly separate from the mother. The child was unable to perceive reality and "individuality". Narcissists become this way because they had an emotionally painful, neglectful, or even abusive childhood.

Narcissistic relationships are often based on superficial attributes such as beauty, power, and wealth. The narcissist wants to surround himself with people who fit the pompous image, so he is often attracted to people with strong wills. At first, the narcissist will idealize their partner, putting him on a pedestal - this is the place of shared fantasies. They are attracted to people who treat them well, as they like to present themselves in a favorable light. At first, the narcissist gives the impression of a likeable and charming person.

As the relationship progresses (when the honeymoon ends), the narcissist becomes disillusioned, unbalanced and aggressive. When the narcissist's behavior switches, he (or she) will seek to destroy the talents and qualities they initially admired. At this stage, the narcissist is in a state that Vaknin describes as "pathological narcissistic space". It is then that the narcissist will show his true colors. They may begin to insult, manipulate, use emotional blackmail and psychological pressure. They may be denied money, sex, or communication; do anything to make their victim feel emotionally unstable.

What is the impact of narcissistic violence?

Daffodils are difficult to recognize; they are prone to manipulation and exploitation, and many of them do not exhibit extreme narcissistic behavior. In other words, many of them are not textbook narcissists. But, as Vaknin reminds us, daffodils are everywhere. They, according to Vaknin, have reached the top in all areas of life, from politics to show business, law enforcement, the media, the judiciary and even the clergy. Everyone knows a narcissist.

The impact of this is enormous. There are many victims of narcissistic abuse today, including those in the upper echelons of society.

So what is the impact on those who are on the side of the victim?

Narcissistic abuse is mostly emotional but can also include physical and sexual abuse. As with any humiliating relationship, the abuser wears down the victim. Constant emotional trauma over a long period of time can lead to the development of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This persistent traumatic stress has been shown to have a real physiological effect on the brain, damaging the ability to think clearly and negatively impacting learning.3

The constant humiliation dosed by the narcissist leaves the victim with low self-confidence and self-esteem. Imagine how you would feel if you were constantly told that you are wrong.

In the short term, when the body builds up stress, it can cause physical symptoms such as body aches, headaches, and digestive problems.

Long-term symptoms may include cognitive, behavioral and emotional problems. For example, confusion, nightmares, poor thinking ability, poor attention span, poor problem solving ability, difficulty making decisions, poor memory, disorientation, feeling withdrawn, nervousness, inability to rest, associativeness, increased anxiety, feelings of fear, guilt or shame, feeling irritable, restless, depressed, angry, or overwhelmed.

What can you do?

First, it is important to understand that the consequences of narcissistic abuse are complex and can be profound. But don't despair, you can be reborn from narcissistic abuse with the right help.

Some victims of narcissistic abuse try to change the person, to help. But it's useless. The narcissistic personality type does not want to change and will constantly affect the world in accordance with their distorted vision. They consider themselves ideal and cannot understand why others do not see in them only brilliance, intelligence, magnificence and so on.

For those who are still in a relationship with a narcissist, it is not easy to end the relationship. Living in a narcissistic relationship is like walking on eggshells! But choosing the easiest path and continuing the abusive relationship will eventually take its toll. If you try to leave, they may beg you not to and shower you with gifts, but be aware that the narcissist will always return to their abusive habits.

However, you can take control back. You need to trust friends or family to help you develop an exit plan. When you distance yourself from your abuser, it is best to cut off all contact, although this may not be possible completely if you have children together. In this case, you should limit the topics of conversation, and, most importantly, avoid casual conversations. This is very important if you want to heal from such a toxic relationship.

Healing from narcissistic abuse is extremely painful. Therapy can help you process and heal from trauma, teach you how to deal with challenges, and give you the opportunity to set boundaries for normal communication in the future.

It is important that you choose a therapy clinic/therapist who is experienced in treating this type of injury.

CALDA Clinic

CALDA Clinic is a privately owned Swiss institution specializing in mental health rehabilitation programs for VIPs, the super rich and celebrities. The unique CALDA concept guarantees personalized precision medicine and personalized premium support, including personalized counseling and state-of-the-art psychiatry delivered by a highly qualified team and network of experts. The concept of CALDA is highly regarded as an effective treatment for narcissistic abuse.

If you would like to know more about the CALDA concept, please contact us personally. Absolute tact, trust and humanity are the top priority at CALDA. All clients are self-payers, which ensures the possibility of absolute secrecy.

Reference sources

Prof. Sam Vaknin, YouTube / Prof. Sam Vaknin YouTube
Prof. Sam Vaknin, September 23, 2021 / Prof. Sam Vaknin, 23 Sep 2021, YouTube: Narcissist: From Mommy-Partner to Fantasy World – And Back
Shirley Davis, CPTSD Foundation, 22 Jun 2020: The Neuroscience of Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse

Tags: Narcissism, Narcissistic abuse

When does narcissism become a problem? | Psychological help

During the presidential campaign and the presidency of Donald Trump, the word “narcissism” became something of a buzzword. And in recent years, this word has become popularized in social networks and in the press.

As a result, social media and other online platforms are now rife with ideas, advice, stories, and theories from life coaches, therapists, psychologists, and self-proclaimed narcissists about how to build relationships with narcissists or manage their own symptoms.

The term “narcissism” is commonly used to describe any selfish and egocentric person.

But a person with narcissistic traits may have a personality disorder known as narcissistic personality disorder.

Over the past decade, the rapid development of social networking sites has led to a profound change in the way people communicate. The emergence of social networking sites such as Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram may seem like a milestone for narcissists. In seconds, you can share self-improvement content—flattering pictures, boastful statuses, and envy-inducing vacations—to a huge audience and receive immediate feedback in the form of “likes” and encouraging comments from your followers.

As a licensed couples and family therapist specializing in attachment-related relationship problems, April Nisan Ilkman has worked with many couples in which one of the partners had a Narcissistic Spectrum Personality Disorder. One of the reasons the narcissist's therapy is so difficult is because they are adept at convincing their partner that they are dysfunctional.

Definition of narcissism

Psychologist Otto Kernberg, who specializes in personality disorders, distinguishes between normal and pathological narcissism using a framework that assesses a person's capacity for fulfilling romantic relationships.

Normal narcissism refers to a well-integrated sense of self that is usually directed towards the common good, such as a healthy sense of pride in oneself and one's accomplishments. Pathological narcissism describes fluctuations between extremes - feelings of inferiority and failure, and feelings of superiority and grandiosity.

Every person has a bit of normal narcissism. It can be expressed in self-confidence and even to some extent in rights, while at the same time expressing itself in sympathy and emotions.

Research shows that healthy narcissism manifests itself at a subclinical level in everyday life and can motivate people to improve themselves and progress in life.

But when the desire for achievement or gain includes an excessive desire for attention and approval and an excessive, grandiose sense of self-worth, this is no longer in the realm of healthy narcissism.

The pathological narcissist sees all other people as extensions of himself. Those who are present in the life of the narcissist, especially in his immediate environment, must always demonstrate excellence, because they contribute to the narcissist's self-image. Like many personality disorders, narcissism manifests itself in intimate relationships through a cycle of idealization and devaluation, creating the concept of a so-called toxic relationship.

Finding a victim

Narcissists choose their partners based on whether they confirm their grandiose sense of self. And since having such validation is a key factor in a narcissist's relationship, they are generally not interested in learning more about the other person.

What attracts narcissists is not the other person's personal characteristics, or even the bond that comes from a relationship.

If a person has an authoritative status in their eyes and they find him attractive, they are usually ready to quickly move forward in the relationship. Unfortunately, because the narcissist's genuine interest in the other person is usually superficial, the narcissist often loses interest in the relationship as suddenly as it started.

Narcissistic abuse is a form of extreme psychological and emotional abuse characterized by manipulative communication and deliberate deception to exploit a person who meets the criteria for pathological narcissism.

Forms of Narcissism

Narcissistic abuse can be insidious and difficult to recognize. Since the signs of narcissistic abuse are not always obvious, it is important to name and label them.

Gaslighting: The narcissist uses a manipulation strategy known as gaslighting to make the victim question their ability to make a decision or take an action. People use this technique to maintain control over the other person's sense of reality. During gaslighting, victims experience self-doubt and self-doubt, and some even find it difficult to recognize that they are being gaslighted. In some relationships, codependency develops between the narcissist and the victim, in which the victim assumes the narcissist's position of authority.

Victim mentality: This mentality, characteristic of people with narcissistic personality disorder, implies that everyone owes something to the narcissist. In her clinical experience, April Nissan Ilkman has often witnessed narcissists falsely claim that they did not get what they should in life because they were treated unfairly by others. Such a story makes him feel entitled to feel anger and resentment towards anyone, especially people they consider successful.

Cycle of idealization and devaluation: Narcissists form polarized beliefs about themselves and others, which means that their opinions of themselves and others can be overwhelmingly positive or unrealistically negative.

At the stage of idealization, the narcissist creates a feeling of inextricable connection with the victim. Whether the relationship is romantic, professional, or familial, it develops quickly and has an intense quality.

At some point the narcissist's partner disappoints him in some way, usually not intentionally. In response, the narcissist will criticize his every move, jump to conclusions, and react harshly to these supposed disappointments. The narcissist will begin to see flaws in their partner and blame them for not being the ideal partner they should have been. This phase is characterized by verbal and physical abuse, humiliation, bullying and slander.

Feeling empty: According to the psychiatrist Otto Kernberg mentioned above, the inability of narcissists to develop meaningful and lasting relationships results in a chronic emptiness of the inner world.

Patients with narcissistic personality disorder often find themselves "waking up" in their 40s, 50s, or 60s with a desperate sense of loss. The narcissist often struggles with the feeling of emptiness that comes from relying on a false grandiose self-image that prevents him from being vulnerable. In turn, he projects his sense of emptiness onto the partner in the relationship. Many of these patients suffer from a loss of identity and feelings of helplessness and feel like outsiders in the world.

Relationship building with the narcissist

Because the narcissist often develops controlling and manipulative relationships with the partner's friends and family, the victim may be reluctant to rely on their inner circle for support.

Finding a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse recovery is the first step in starting the healing process.

April Nissan Ilkman had many patients who told her that their therapists were not familiar with the term "pathological narcissism". She suggests that, if possible, such patients should find therapists who specialize in emotional or transference-oriented therapy. These therapies help to identify destructive communication patterns as they occur during a therapy session rather than focusing only on interactions that occur outside of therapy.

From her point of view, the relationship with a narcissistic partner is one of the most difficult to treat. Narcissistic partners are often reluctant to participate in therapy because they do not recognize that they need help and find it difficult to cooperate with the therapist. Effective marital therapy is rare, but not impossible, and can only happen when the narcissistic partner admits that their expectations are unreasonable and destructive.

Adapted from an article by April Nisan Ilkmen, The Conversation.

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