I feel awkward

8 Signs You’re Socially Inept & How to Overcome Awkwardness

We’ve all had those moments when we felt so socially awkward that we’d rather disappear than force out a conversation.

Maybe you accidentally told a bad joke, blurted out something inappropriate, or forgot someone’s name, and then… crickets—awkward silence.

If the idea of small talk, networking events or talking to strangers skyrockets your heart rate, you’re not alone.

Over 60% of people have experienced social anxiety or shyness. Even leading celebrities like Adele, Mel Robbins, and Jennifer Lawrence have felt socially anxious in certain situations.

Here are 8 signs you may be socially inept and 15 straightforward ways to overcome awkwardness.

Socially inept people don’t know how to comfortably socialize, engage in conversation, and calmly interact with others. They often misread social cues or feel physically anxious. They may have an intense fear of talking to new people and being humiliated in social settings.

Socially inept people feel like this in social situations:

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Like shyness, social awkwardness can manifest in different ways in different people.

The main signs of social awkwardness are:

You feel super nervous in social interactions
You misread people or don’t pick up on social cues
You avoid socializing whenever possible
Conversations don’t flow
People don’t get your jokes or find them offensive
There are lots of awkward silences when you talk to people
You feel like people avoid talking to you
You overthink or regret certain things you say in conversations

Some people are completely fine in large groups but feel extremely awkward one-on-one. Others may feel socially crippled and afraid to go out in public.

Wherever you find yourself on the continuum, know that you are fully capable of learning social skills just like you learned to ride a bike: with practice!

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Someone who is socially inept may be shy, have social anxiety, or simply not have much experience socializing.

The opposite of socially inept is socially adept, a social pro who knows how to greet people, start conversations, and make others feel comfortable in their presence.

Surprisingly, many socially adept people (including Science of People founder Vanessa Van Edwards) are #recoveringawkwardpeople. She did not have natural social skills and had to learn to be more socially adept.

There are few things worse than the humiliating, stomach-churning feeling of embarrassing yourself in front of people. Being socially outcasted or rejected can feel more painful than physical pain. Moreover, loneliness is at nearly epidemic levels in America.

The combination of social awkwardness and loneliness makes for an even more awkward paradox: you desperately want to make friends and feel part of a community, but you feel so weird that you don’t know how to connect with people.

Fortunately, socializing is a skill that anyone can learn. Here are 15 ways to stop being socially inept and feel more confident in conversation

Be a good listener

It’s hard to think of perfectly witty answers or be conversationally charming. What is a better way to start? With listening?

Listening is a social superpower. Stop trying to think of a clever “socially acceptable” response while other people are talking–this will contribute to feeling socially inept.

Instead, remedy this by practicing better listening skills. Listen to understand rather than to respond.

When someone is sharing something with you:

Be a Loud Listener. Humans love hearing ‘listening sounds.’ This is when we say “oh,” “ah,” or “Wow” as someone speaks. Show them that you are engaged and present by making eye contact, nodding your head, or subtly humming “mhmm” as they talk.
Give Positive Reinforcement. When someone finishes a story, show enthusiasm with phrases like “wow, that’s cool” or “oh, how interesting.”
Ask Great Questions. Ask a relevant and sincere question about what they told you. What makes you curious? Or ask a question about what got them the most excited. Something like, “How did you get started doing that?” or “Where did you find all those resources?” or “What’s the next step?”

Action Step: Notice how you feel when someone’s not engaged in what you have to say. Maybe they’re texting while you try to tell them a story. Does it make you feel unimportant or like they don’t care what you say?

Remember this emotion to ensure nobody feels that way when talking to you. Learn the essential traits of an active listener versus an unengaged listener and put them into practice.

Active Listener	Unengaged Listener
Focused eye contact	Darting eyes
Eliminating or ignoring distractions	Checking phone, TV, or surrounding area during a conversation
Nodding or responding “uhhuh” as they talk	Complete silence or lack of responsiveness
Remembering details about their story or life	Forgetting something important someone told you
Asking relevant questions	Bringing up unrelated topics that show you weren’t listening
Engaged, open body language (torso facing the other person, slightly leaning forward,	Closed body language (arms crossed, body turned away from them

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Building new social skills requires changing how you perceive yourself in social situations.

When you feel socially inept, you may apologize for your behavior out of embarrassment or shame.

Socially awkward people often create a subconscious identity around their lack of social skills. For example, they may say, “sorry I’m so awkward,” “I’ve always been shy,” or “I have social anxiety.”

If you want to establish social skills as daily habits, you first have to change your beliefs around socializing. Habit expert and author James Clear asserts:

“To change your behavior for good, you need to start believing new things about yourself.”
— James Clear

Even if you follow all the steps in this guide, you may still feel socially awkward. As rudimentary as it may seem, you must stop believing you’re socially inept.

The most straightforward place to start? Listen to the way you’re describing yourself.

Eliminate these phrases from your vocabulary:

“I have social anxiety. ”
“I am socially awkward.”
“I’m sorry, I’m a dork.”
“I’m shy.”
“I don’t know how to talk to people.”
“I feel awkward in social settings.”

And if you do find yourself saying these things, add a growth mindset. Add…

“But I am working on it!”

“I am growing my confidence.”

…or as Vanessa Van Edwards always says, “I am a recovering awkward person.”

Avoid conversational traps

We’ve all had those mundane conversations that go like this:

“Hey, how are you?”

“Good, you?”

“Good”

… Then what? That is a conversational trap! Traps happen when we ask questions that produce boring, predictable, one-word answers.

People with awkward tendencies often don’t know how to start conversations or get past the initial point of small talk. If you want to feel more prepared before a networking event, date, or party, rehearse a few conversation starters.

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Take 2000+ Conversation Starters to Go – FREE!

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Sometimes shyness and social awkwardness go hand-in-hand. Unfortunately, they’re not a great combo: You feel too shy to socialize, but you feel socially awkward because you don’t talk to people very often.

Somehow you have to break this cycle to practice your social skills. But here is a big mistake we make…do not practice new social skills in high-pressure situations!

Don’t practice with your boss.

Don’t practice with a VIP.

Don’t practice with a crush.

Hone your skills in low-pressure situations first! One of the easiest ways to overcome shyness is by practicing your conversation skills with wonderful service workers such as:

Baristas
Bartenders
Cashiers and clerks
Uber, Lyft, or valet drivers
Waiters and waitresses

This is wonderful because you want to make their day better by offering something kind to say, and they are often relatively easy to talk to. After all, they are likely socially adept, and you can learn from them!

Say “hey, how are you?” and ask them a question like:

“Did you grow up here in [your town]?”
“What’s your favorite thing on the menu?”
“What are your hobbies outside of work?”
“I love your [complement their clothing or accessory]. Where did you get it?”
“What’s the highlight of your day so far?”

Practice being less socially awkward by honing your conversation skills in these low-pressure settings. Just be sure the employee is not too busy with other customers.

Pro-Tip: Sometimes, you can tell people you feel socially awkward and are working on practicing conversation. Vulnerability and asking for help are empowering. You got this!

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Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations

Research shows that self-affirmations help you feel more competent when dealing with perceived threats (like socializing).

In other words, the things you repeat in your head have the power to shape your identity and your confidence around dealing with situations that scare you.

Action Step: Replace negative thoughts about socializing with positive beliefs about your social abilities. Whether you say it out loud or internally, affirm your new identity as a socially savvy person.

Instead of thinking this…	Tell yourself this…
“I hate meeting new people.”	“It’s easy to meet new people.”
“I’m so awkward.”	“I am friendly and relaxed.”
“I’m horrible at talking to people.”	“I am a great conversationalist.”
“That was such a stupid thing to say.”	“Everyone says silly things sometimes. They probably won’t remember anyway.”
“They’re judging my lack of social skills.”	“Most people are too focused on themselves to notice me. ”
“People think I’m weird and insecure.”	“I’m unique and confident in myself.”
“I feel anxious about socializing.”	“I’m excited to meet new people, even if it makes me nervous.”

For more scientifically-proven affirmations, check out this post with 120 Positive Daily Affirmations for Happiness.

Pro Tip: Being shy isn’t a dealbreaker for your social life. Sometimes awkward shyness is just a result of repeated social habits. If you are introverted or feel super shy in social situations, try these 6 science-backed strategies for overcoming shyness.

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Be empathetic

Empathy is understanding and identifying with other people’s emotions and thoughts. Socially savvy people tend to be highly empathetic and easily relate to others.

But when you’re socially inept, you may not pick up on people’s emotions. Perhaps you laugh at an inappropriate time, or you don’t show any concern for a struggle they share with you.

Some of the most important Habits of Highly Empathetic People include:

Curiosity about other people
Seeking similarities and pointing them out
Open body language (slightly leaning forward, uncrossed arms, and eye contact)
Paying attention to what people are saying and sharing relevant commentary
Making kind and encouraging comments
Avoiding judgmental phrases like, “That sounds…” or “I can’t believe you….”
Using “we” (instead of “me”) whenever possible to feel more connection

Action Step: Watch Stanford psychologist Jamil Zaki’s TEDx Talk about the science behind empathy and how you can cultivate this skill in your life.

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Find balance with eye contact

Oh, eye contact is a delicate balance!

Too much, and it’s overbearing and creepy.

Not enough, and it’s avoidant and dismissive.

So what to do? When you’re talking to someone, 3-5 seconds of eye contact at a time is usually socially acceptable. It’s normal to look away for a moment and then return your gaze. And don’t forget to blink!

But just like everything in life, balance is critical. Avoiding eye contact or looking down during a conversation can also be perceived as shy or socially unskilled, depending on the culture.

You don’t want people to think that you’re uninterested in what they have to say. Try to look at people about 50% of the time while speaking and 70% while you’re listening.

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Don’t violate the personal space bubble

Like the “close talker” in Seinfeld, getting too close to people can make them feel uncomfortable.

Watch this funny clip from Seinfeld to see how people react to a “close talker” that violates personal space:

In America, it’s pretty common to keep at least 12-18″ of personal space between people unless you know them intimately. In other countries, pay attention to where other people stand in a conversation and mirror them.

Rule of Thumb: If you take a step in and they step back–you are too close!

Rule of Thumb: If they keep taking steps toward you, you are too far!

Take note of the social norms amongst people you’re hanging out with.

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Don’t forget your filter

Do you know when someone randomly blurts out something inappropriate or cringey?

“Last night, I had the worst diarrhea after dinner.”

“I heard Sydney is sleeping with the boss.”

“If you didn’t vote for [political candidate], you are a fool.”

… Uhh yeah, awkward.

People with no filter can create incredibly awkward moments. In extreme situations, lacking a filter can also drive away friends.

People with no filter often:

Blurt out random or irrelevant thoughts
Talk very loudly or openly about private matters
Bring up taboo topics like politics, racism, religion, or sexuality
Rudely express their opinions
Make offensive jokes
Cuss and use profane sayings at inappropriate times

You wouldn’t drink unfiltered water straight from the river, so don’t go into a conversation without a filter. Socially adept people consciously think before they speak and avoid specific topics.

Avoid these topics to appear more socially adept:

Private matters like relationships, personal finance, mental health, or family issues
Taboo and controversial issues like religion, politics, gossip, body parts, or sex
Strong or overbearing opinions
Negative comments about other people
Excessively deep emotional sharing (especially in the early stages of a friendship or relationship)
Random topics irrelevant to the conversation (this shows you weren’t listening)

Work on building a mental filter that stops you from blurting out anything inappropriate or potentially awkward. But remember not to beat yourself up if you let something slip. Everybody says random or unnecessary comments at some point.

Action Step: Don’t just say whatever is on your mind at a given moment. Before speaking, take a deep breath and wait 2-3 seconds to think about what you say. This will help you socialize with more poise and respectfulness.

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Be imperfect and laugh at your blunders

When trying to overcome awkwardness, you may feel pressure to be perfect in your social interactions. But something is endearing about seeing the imperfect sides of people.

Research shows that embracing your imperfections makes you more likable. This is called The Pratfall Effect, and it explains how small clumsy mistakes can humanize you and make you appear more relatable.

Laughing at yourself shows you don’t take yourself so seriously. It can also take the edge off of an awkward conversation.

Action Step: If you fumble over your words or laugh at a joke you don’t understand, don’t be afraid to shrug it off and chuckle at yourself. You can say, “oh, I don’t know where I was going with that,” or “haha, I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I laughed about being friendly.”

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Show interest in other people

Showing interest in other people is the easiest “coverup” for lack of social skills. After all, people like to talk about themselves and like it when others are interested in them.

As you work to build up your socializing toolbox, take the pressure off of yourself to say clever comments or act interesting. Instead, keep the spotlight on other people by expressing interest in what they have to say.

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.”
— Dale Carnegie

Pro Tip: Laugh at people’s jokes, ask questions about their life, and act fascinated by their stories. Most people want to feel cool, funny, interesting and valued by others.

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Learn to read body language

Have you ever had an awkward conversation with someone that seemed to be looking for their first chance to escape?

They probably didn’t say they felt awkward, but their body language may have spoken volumes. As you notice how other people’s body language makes you think, you can avoid or mirror certain positions to portray yourself as relaxed in social scenarios.

Signs that someone is trying to escape an awkward conversation may include:

Feet angled toward the door
The torso is facing away from you
Avoiding or darting eye contact
Tense, hunched, or closed-off posture
Shifting or fidgeting uncomfortably
Arms crossed
A forced or fake smile

On the other hand, when people feel comfortable, they appear at ease. Signs that someone is pleasantly engaged in conversation include:

Feet and torso facing you
Palms visible
Engaged eye contact
A genuine or relaxed smile
Relaxed, intense posture

To avoid social awkwardness, it is vital to learn to read people’s body language so you can pick up on nonverbal cues.

Action Step: As you approach a conversation, practice friendly, open body language. Keep your shoulders back and down to look more confident. Show your hands and avoid putting them in your pockets, so you appear more open and trustworthy. Face your torso toward the person you’re talking to and take a few deep breaths to look more relaxed.

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Avoid awkward silence with story-generating questions

When there’s a long pause in the conversation, things can get awkward. In the English language, a pause for longer than 4 seconds can make people feel uncomfortable.

If you find yourself in moments of awkward silence, just jump in with an open-ended question. When possible, avoid yes/no questions that may lead to more uncomfortable quiet.

For example, instead of asking, “Do you like working in marketing?” say, “What’s your favorite thing about marketing?” or “What projects are you currently working on?”

Story-generating questions tend to keep conversations open and flowing more smoothly. Here are some other good ones to keep in your back pocket:

What do you love about what you do? (not ‘what do you do?’)
How did you get into your line of work (not ‘what do you do?’)
What’s your passion project (not ‘what are you up to?’)

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Never say this phrase

Sometimes you can save yourself from social embarrassment by replacing a simple phrase.

For example, have you ever walked up to someone and said, “So nice to meet you!” And they reply, “Uh, we’ve met a few times before.” And you’re, like, “OMG, how awkward! My bad!”

Don’t worry. It happens all the time. Sometimes faces blur together, and you forget who you’ve met before.

An easy social save?

Never say, “nice to meet you.”

Instead, always use the phrase “nice to see you.” It is warm and relevant whether you’re meeting someone for the first time or you (might have) met them before.

Here are a few other awkward social saves that might help:

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Remember people’s names

How many people do you meet that say, “oh, I’m so bad at remembering names”? Practically everyone, right?

Stand out from the crowd and start remembering people’s names so you can avoid awkward social situations like this:

“Hey, Ben! How’s it going?”

“Oh hey…. You!” *panic because you forgot their name*

“… Great, how’s life?”

One of the biggest social failures is forgetting someone’s name when they remember yours.

Dale Carnegie said, “a person’s name is to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language.”

Scientists have found that more brain activation occurs from hearing your name versus hearing someone else’s. Social pros remember people’s names because it lights up their interactions.

Action Step: Brain and memory coach Jim Kwik developed a simple 7-step method that he’s used to remembering thousands of people’s names. The acronym BE SUAVE encompasses the method and the result. It is socially suave to recall names.

Believe that you can do it. Stop telling yourself the story of forgetting names and acknowledge that your brain can remember them.
Exercise the skill. Put in the effort to practice remembering names regularly, and eventually, it will become a habit.
Say it. When someone introduces themselves, repeat their name back in the conversation. When you say their name, you hear it twice (once from them and once from your voice). This also gives them a chance to correct you.
Use it. Aim to use someone’s name 3 or 4 times throughout the conversation, but don’t overdo it. Try to incorporate their name without forcing it naturally.
Ask the person about their name: How do you spell it? Who were you named after? Where does your name come from?
Visualize their face with a physical reminder of their name. For example, imagine Jim at a gym, Beau with a wrapped gift, or Logan with a wolverine.
End it. When you leave a conversation, say goodbye to them by name. Chances are, you will be the most memorable person they talked to.

Make a promise to yourself to practice this method for the next month and see how your social interactions change. Learn more about Jim Kwik’s memory tips for names in this video:

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There is no shortage of socially awkward characters in movies. If you want to study what not to do in social situations, notice how these socially inept characters act and how others react.

For example, in this Meet the Fockers scene, Ben Stiller’s character over-shares embarrassingly intimate information during a speech to his whole family. His character is a perfect example of social ineptitude and the importance of having a filter! Cringe!

In this scene from Superbad, Michael Cera’s character shows how awkward it can be to stare at someone for an uncomfortable amount of time.

There are plenty of cringe-worthy moments in movies that can make you feel awkward just watching them. You may even feel physically uncomfortable watching them.

But don’t forget to laugh it off! A little comedic relief can be a great reminder not to take yourself too seriously… at least you’re not [super socially awkward character].

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How do I know if I am socially inept?

The key signs of being socially inept or socially awkward include feeling super nervous in social situations, experiencing a lot of awkward silence in the conversation, or noticing people avoid conversation with you. You may not pick up on social cues, say offensive things, or accidentally blurt out inappropriate comments.

What do you call someone who is socially inept?

Someone who is socially inept may be called an outcast, strange, socially awkward, weird, shy, nerdy, reserved, or odd. Often socially awkward people can feel incredibly lonely due to being ostracized in social situations or getting bullied. Thankfully, basic social skills overcome social ineptitude.

Is it OK to be socially inept?

Being socially inept is not necessarily bad, but it may lead to disappointing or embarrassing social interactions. You may feel ostracized from peer groups or unable to connect to others. It can also lead to constantly overthinking what you did wrong in social situations.

Are introverts socially inept?

Introverted people are not necessarily socially inept. Many introverts are socially savvy individuals that need time to recharge between social events.

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Being socially inept isn’t very fun. But if you’re really serious about enhancing your self-improvement skills, check out this free goodie today:

Communicate With Confidence

Do you struggle with small talk? Do you often run out of things to say or feel awkward and self-conscious in social situations? Our Conversation Mastery Course teaches you the secrets of master conversationalists and gives you the skills you need to have confident, engaging, and captivating conversations with anyone, anywhere.

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If you want to stop feeling like this while socializing:

And start feeling like this:

Remember these key tips for being socially savvy and avoiding awkwardness:

Learn the power of confident body language: Posture, personal space, eye contact, and facial expressions are super important cues for making others feel at ease in conversation with you. Don’t forget to stand up straight, maintain 12-18″ of distance from people, balance a few seconds of eye contact with blinking and to glance away, and smile
Change your social identity: Stop calling yourself “socially awkward” and replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Anyone can become socially savvy, but first, you have to believe it’s possible.
Be an active, empathetic listener: Instead of spending whole conversations in your head wondering what to say next, focus on listening and relating to other people. Leaning slightly forward, occasionally nodding your head, and making regular eye contact are key communication tactics for telling someone you care about what they’re saying. Practice empathy by trying to put yourself in their shoes and find similarities between your experiences.
Avoid specific phrases and topics: Controversial and taboo issues are the source of awkwardness! Don’t forget to think before you talk and avoid discussing things like politics, religion, sex, personal matters, or gossip.
Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself: Remember that everyone has socially awkward experiences. The best thing you can do is laugh it off, apologize (if necessary), and keep the conversation flowing.

Continue building your social skills and forging new connections with our Ultimate Guide on How to Make Friends.

Signs, Causes, and How to Overcome It

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Awkwardness, anxiety, and introversion

It’s important to note that the terms social awkwardness, introversion, and social anxiety disorder are often confused with each other. While they share some traits, they are not the same thing.

If you feel drained by interacting with others and need to spend time alone to recharge your energy, this may point to an introverted personality trait.

On the other hand, if you feel intense anxiety over being judged, avoid social situations through fear, or experience panic attacks related to socializing, this could signal social anxiety disorder, according to Dr. Nicholette Leanza, LPCC-S of LifeStance Health.

Is social awkwardness a good thing?

While it feels uncomfortable at the time, there are upsides to being socially awkward.

For example, “people who are socially awkward may be more observant and analytical, which can be beneficial in certain professions,” explains Dr. Alejandro Alva, a medical doctor and board certified psychiatrist based in California.

“They may also be more honest and sincere, which can be refreshing in a world of small talk and superficial interactions.”

How do I know if I’m socially awkward?

Consider reflecting after the next few social interactions to gauge how you feel afterward. This may help you decide how to best move forward.

Know that whether it’s social awkwardness, introversion, or social anxiety disorder, none of these are wrong — and you are not alone.

PsychCentral spoke to Leanza and Alva about how to overcome social awkwardness so you can start to feel more at ease in social situations.

Alva suggests the following tips for overcoming social awkwardness:

Practice small talk. Consider striking up a conversation with a stranger, such as commenting on the weather.
Make an effort to make eye contact. This may help you appear more confident and approachable.
Focus on the other person. Ask questions and really listen to the answers. This will help you connect with them and help the conversation flow more easily.
Try to relax and be yourself. Remember that everyone has their quirks, and you’ll be more likely to find a connection with someone by being yourself.

Leanza says it may help to practice understanding social cues. One way to do this is to focus on body language.

“It can be very difficult for socially awkward people to read other people’s body language or behavior,” says Leanza. “Since social cues and norms can be very hard for them to decipher, this can develop a lot of anxiety within a person and may make them want to avoid social situations.”

You can increase your social confidence by learning how to better understand social cues and the body language of others. “Practicing with loved ones to learn these skills can be very helpful, especially when needing to be in an upcoming social situation,” suggests Leanza.

If you find that your social awkwardness is making a negative impact life, you can also consider speaking to a mental health professional. Psych Central’s How to Find Mental Health Support resource may help.

Different communication styles

When you’re looking to improve communication, it’s important to note that each person’s style and manner of communication are different. This article mainly focuses on neurotypical styles of communication.

Neurodivergent folks, including autistic people, may communicate in different ways. For instance, avoiding eye contact and fidgeting may help them concentrate better or feel more comfortable in conversation and doesn’t always mean disinterest.

Using different communication styles doesn’t necessarily mean that the communication is less effective, though it often requires communicating with greater thoughtfulness and intention.

You can read Healthline’s “Neurotypical’s Guide to Speaking to Someone with Autism” here.

If you’re socially awkward, you can still have a thriving social life. You might start by getting to know yourself better and understanding how you feel in social settings, then trying some of the tips from our mental health experts to see if they help.

If you’ve felt socially awkward for a long time, it helps to be patient with yourself and give yourself the grace to overcome your nerves over time.

There are plenty of podcasts and even meditations to help you with the “social” part of social awkwardness.

What to do if you feel uncomfortable all the time

October 24, 2021 Life

Shyness and low self-esteem sometimes interfere with life. Lifehacker asked psychologists what to do in such cases.

Who are prone to social awkwardness

1. People with a certain type of personality

Most often these are psychasthenics - often doubtful, anxious people who find it difficult to approach strangers and take on a new business.

Olesya Zvagolska

Psychologist, teacher of psychology.

Awkwardness, a feeling of embarrassment, constraint are most characteristic of pronounced introverts who are used to communicating closely only with a narrow circle of people, as well as individuals with increased anxiety. Such people are worried that they can give the wrong answer, offend the interlocutor, or look inappropriate.

2. Insecure people

A person of any type of personality can feel uncomfortable in society if before that he was condemned by his peers or parents for a long time. Even very sociable and optimistic people can lose self-esteem under the influence of negative experiences and being in an aggressive social environment.

Is it necessary to fight it

A shy person is usually not the ringleader and life of the company. However, such people often have other important qualities, such as sensitivity and delicacy. A typical example is director Woody Allen, whose natural shyness did not prevent him from becoming famous all over the world. So the main thing is to accept yourself as you are, and learn how to use it.

Grigory Bakhin

Practicing psychologist, executor of YouDo.com personal services online service.

Clumsiness is not always a bad quality to fight against. Rather, it is a good diagnostic feature that helps you deal with your inner world. In some situations, awkwardness can act as an additional opportunity to communicate with the right person and establish emotional contact with him.

If the feeling of awkwardness prevents you from living and achieving your goals, try to change your attitude towards this trait and develop new behavioral strategies. You can't completely change your personality type.

Ilya Shabshin

Psychologist-consultant, author of books.

It is pointless to struggle with characterological qualities. This is not something bad, not a flaw, but part of your personality. You need to know about it and take it into account when making decisions. For example, do not go to the special forces.

How to get rid of awkwardness

1. Define your goal precisely

In any business, a plan and an understanding of your goals do not hurt. Think about the situations in which awkwardness interferes with you: in communication with the opposite sex, with superiors and officials, with new people or with acquaintances too? Imagine what will change in your life when you overcome your social awkwardness. This will help you understand yourself better and encourage you to take further action.

Olesya Zvagolskaya

Psychologist, teacher of psychology.

It is always worth first to be puzzled by the inner side of the issue, namely the alignment of self-esteem and the elimination of anxiety, and then specific communication techniques.

2. See if you can handle it yourself

Sometimes self-doubt and increased anxiety can be signs of social phobia and other serious disorders. There are tests on the Internet to determine the level of depression and the presence of social phobia, but it is better not to get involved in self-diagnosis. If you suspect something like this, contact a specialist.

3. Start small

This is a universal tip for all situations, but it's especially important here. If a person of the psychasthenic type expects too much from himself, this will only aggravate everything. There are trainings in which you need to approach strangers on the street and ask them for money or hugs. You should not start with such exercises if they scare you to death.

4. Know thyself

The root of many problems is that a person imagines himself not as he really is. The more we know ourselves, the less we are afraid to seem ridiculous and not like someone.

Our biggest fear is not meeting our own expectations. The feeling of awkwardness arises when we perform an act that is at odds with the illusion about ourselves.

You need to understand your true features and allow yourself to make mistakes, because no one is immune from them.

5. Change the focus of attention

When a person is embarrassed, he completely focuses on himself and his feelings. Instead, turn your attention to others, become genuinely interested in someone's life or story. In the end, it may even be dishonest: perhaps your opponent did not even notice your timidity or oversight, and you no longer listen to him at all and withdraw into yourself.

6. Choose Your Social Circle Carefully

It is very difficult to increase self-esteem if your loved ones make fun of you or assert themselves at your expense. Get rid of such pseudo-friends, and keep such colleagues and relatives at a maximum distance.

7. Keep records

Make a plan, write down all the successes, patterns of phrases for communication. There is no shame in using cheat sheets for self-development. In addition, written information is better absorbed.

8. Read books on psychology and self-development

Many of them really help to change life dramatically. For awkward people, we especially recommend books on body language and facial expressions, such as The New Body Language by Allan and Barbara Pease and Difficulties in Communication by Andrey Kurpatov.

9. Just wait

As people get older, they gain experience and are less responsive to the opinions of others. So to some extent the problem will be solved by itself. Of course, this option is only suitable if shyness and shyness do not greatly interfere with your life.

10. Don't take it personally

Remember, if someone is rude or reticent, it's probably not about you. Probably, this person behaves like this with everyone or is simply not in a good mood. Insecure people are often too suspicious and take any negativity personally.

But we are not responsible for other people's behavior, but we can control our own.

11. Know your worth when trying to make contact

Avoid negativity, but don't fawn or be silent if you've been offended. It is better to blush and stammer to say that you were hurt than to silently leave, swallowing the insult or not understanding the situation.

12. Remember: before you, many have already successfully passed this path.

This means that this is real for you too. We wish you good luck!

How not to feel embarrassed: 8 proven ways

Feelings of embarrassment are based on the fear of social condemnation.

Getting into awkward situations is unpleasant and painful. But it is impossible to completely protect yourself from them. Therefore, you need to learn to respond with dignity and not dwell on your unpleasant feelings. Read on and you will learn how not to feel embarrassed. Let's look at proven effective methods.

Contents

Why do we feel awkward

Painful awkwardness is most often experienced by suspicious, anxious, insecure people. Partly the reason is in the innate characteristics of their nervous system, partly in the accumulated life experience.

For example, the awkwardness of a melancholic is associated with a general low emotional background. Representatives of this type of temperament, in principle, are very sensitive and perceive reality in dark colors. Phlegmatic people are seemingly indifferent, but deep down they can also worry about trifles.

In choleric people, the feeling of awkwardness is accompanied by aggression and anger. Those who became an unwitting witness to their "shame" are not to be envied. The most healthy reaction in sanguine people. They are able to relate to what is happening with irony and are not inclined to engage in self-flagellation.

However, a person has a unique ability to independently create his personality and erase many of the restrictions that nature imposes on him. Even if you are a suspicious melancholic (like me), you can level out the negative manifestations of your temperament and emphasize your strengths.

Sometimes it's enough just to change the settings and look at the world from a different perspective. In more difficult situations, you will have to do serious work on yourself. In any case, it's worth it. You will become more free and stop torturing yourself with meaningless experiences.

How to stop feeling awkward

Let's move from theory to practice. Take on board the following tips.

Realize that nobody cares

While you are concerned about what people think of you, they are concerned about what others think of them. So we all live in constant tension created by our own illusions. No one is specifically interested in your person, does not write down all your mistakes and embarrassments in a notebook. People have many more important things to do. So you can relax and not worry about it.

The next time you find yourself in an awkward situation, repeat to yourself “no one cares” three times and try to switch right away. If unpleasant thoughts still creep into your head, block them with an effort of will, not allowing them to grow.

Take off the imaginary crown

A high self-esteem brings a person no less problems than a low one. It takes a lot of energy to maintain the illusion of superiority. And situations in which a person does not appear in the best light are perceived as a personal tragedy. Can any unpleasant embarrassment happen to an “ideal” person?

In order not to overreact to embarrassing episodes, stop thinking of yourself as special and exceptional. Recognize that you are an ordinary person, just like everyone else. You, too, can make mistakes and get into awkward situations. This is fine.

Stop being too critical of others

Most often, people who are too harsh on others suffer from feelings of embarrassment. When someone gets into an awkward or stupid situation, they may rage inside, laugh at or even judge the person. Naturally, once in the place of the unfortunate, they feel shame and are ready to fall through the ground.

The thing is that a person has a single system for assessing his own behavior and the behavior of other people. Therefore, the more critical he is towards others, the more critical his attitude towards himself. We may not realize it, but our psyche works that way.

Therefore, stop judging others too harshly, take off your “white coat” and forgive people for their weaknesses and imperfections.

Learn healthy indifference

If you bother about every little thing, there will be neither time nor energy left to enjoy life. If embarrassment happened to you, life does not end there. Try to forget about it as soon as possible.

Of course, much easier said than done. Treacherous thoughts at first will climb into your head. Try to focus on something right now. For example, aimlessly scrolling through the feed in social networks helps me a lot. Under normal conditions, this is a harmful occupation that takes time and clogs the brain. But when you need to distract yourself from something, there is no better way to find it. A few more suitable options:

watch funny videos with children or cats;
read jokes;
clean up;
solve crossword puzzles.

Get rid of the A student syndrome

Perfectionism is a useful quality, but only if it does not go beyond the limits of reason. If you demand from yourself only an ideal result, then, naturally, you will consider your slightest mistake under a microscope.

Allow yourself to live at least on a "four". And sometimes you can even be a “triple”. The world will not collapse from this, believe me, and people will not treat you worse. On the contrary, communication with others will become more relaxed, unnecessary tension will disappear.

Act as if nothing had happened

If you find yourself in an awkward situation, get out of it with dignity.

If you stumble and fall, get up, dust yourself off and keep walking with your head held high.
They said something wrong, laughed along with everyone a little bit and forgot.

If you dwell on embarrassment, show confusion, panic, or (God forbid) cry, this increases the likelihood that people will remember your shame for a long time. The most cruel will constantly remember and laugh at you, the most compassionate will pity you, which is also not very pleasant. And if you show with your whole appearance that you don’t care, the rest won’t care either.

Prepare in advance for important events

If one of those situations in which you usually feel uncomfortable is approaching, prepare well for it. For example, you have to perform in front of a large audience. Usually during such speeches you blush, lose your voice, confuse words.

So you need to memorize your speech (song, role, etc.) so that it bounces off your teeth. In order not to create additional factors that provoke awkwardness. When you perform at the highest level, a successful experience will be fixed, and you will no longer be so embarrassed and scared the next time.

And if you don't prepare well and "fail", be prepared to be ten times more awkward next time.

Take the focus off yourself

People who tend to feel awkward are usually very fixated on their feelings and experiences. It is very difficult for them to be distracted by something else, they are always watching who thinks about them.

If you notice excessive obsession with yourself, immediately get rid of it. Pay attention to the world around - it is not at all hostile. And stop considering people around you as judges who are just waiting to laugh at you.

Filter your surroundings

The people around us greatly influence our perception of reality. If there are cynical, unscrupulous, tactless and arrogant people around you, try to reduce communication with them to a minimum. From those who like to gossip, make fun of others, say nasty things behind their backs, it is also better to stay away. They spoil the impression of people in general.

After communicating with such comrades, it will seem to you that everyone around you behaves in exactly the same way. Naturally, you will expect a dirty trick from any passer-by. Try to let only kind, sympathetic and positive people into your inner circle.

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