Stop being annoyed

7 Quick Ways to Stop Being Irritable

Source: fizkes/Shutterstock

Irritability is something we all experience, but what sets it apart from other emotional states is the extent to which it pollutes the emotional atmosphere around us. Indeed, irritability is the carbon monoxide of emotional pollutants. One person’s irritable mood can release negativity and stress-inducing vibes that negatively impact the entire office, household, or classroom.

When we feel irritable we feel on edge, grumpy, cranky, and sour. Our tolerance is lower and we are much more likely to be bothered by the kinds of minor frustrations we ordinarily shrug off. Our reactions to irritants are also likely to be much more aggressive than usual, leading us to snap, bark, and chastise those around us. When the boss is irritable, word quickly spreads around the office to stay out of his or her way. When Mom or Dad comes home from work in an irritable state, it takes all of a few minutes for the kids to exchange knowing glances and quietly withdraw into their rooms (or put on their earphones).

Irritability is no treat for the person experiencing it, either. Our stress hormones surge into action and we enter the same fight-or-flight mentality our ancestors did when they were on bear-watch duty at the clan’s cave entrance. The slightest movement or noise can make us jump and react as if we are under attack, with nary a threat in sight.

Most people would happily snap their fingers and rid themselves of this toxic emotional state if they could. Alas, finger-snapping is not an effective treatment. But there are seven key things you can do to bring yourself down when you’re feeling irritable or on edge.

1. Figure out the source.

The best way to reduce irritability is to figure out what’s making you irritable—and then address it. Identify when you first became irritable and consider what might have set you off. It’s important to remember that while your reactions might feel complex at the moment, the issue that triggered them might be simple.

2. Reduce caffeine and alcohol.

I once worked with a barista at a coffeehouse who had problems with irritability. It turns out the real problem was the hourly mochaccino breaks he was taking. Too much caffeine during the day and too much alcohol at night are frequent sources of irritability for many people. So consider cutting back.

3. It’s often the little things.

We often dismiss considering things that shouldn’t make us irritable even if they actually do. For example, a competitive person might become irritable when they lose at Words with Friends, but since they know that’s silly, they ignore the fact that their mother’s triple word score vaulted her into the lead and triggered their internal sourness. Be honest with yourself about what’s bothering you: Simply acknowledging that something is making you irritable is often enough to take the edge off.

4. Get in touch with your compassion.

Being compassionate—with yourself—can be a powerful way to calm your churning emotions. Acknowledge (in your head) that you feel really irritable—and how unpleasant it is. Then imagine getting a hug from someone who cares about you. Once you feel a little better, use your compassion to consider how it has made those around you feel, and how important it is to not take it out on them.

5. Gain perspective.

We usually feel irritable about small-to-medium size annoyances—the kind we probably won’t remember in a few days or weeks. Take a few minutes to remind yourself of the larger picture—the things that are going well in your life and the things for which you can be grateful, such as health and employment. But if you feel too unsettled to do this kind of thinking, give the following a try. . .

6. Rid yourself of nervous energy.

Since irritability activates our fight-or-flight response sets, it might be a good idea to take a quick walk or run, or, if that’s not possible, do some quick push-ups or crunches to rid yourself of excess energy that might be fueling your irritability. Fresh air on a leisurely walk could do wonders as well. For those who cannot use exercise, the entirely opposite approach works as well. . .

7. Get quiet or alone time.

Find a quiet place to think things through, or to disengage from the commotion and activity around you. Irritability can be your mind’s way of alerting you that you need a break, so take one. Listen to music, do some stretching or yoga, meditate, or take a bubble bath. When you’re done, take a deep breath and prepare yourself to re-engage so your system isn’t shocked back into irritability once you re-enter the fray.

How to Use Self-Awareness to Stop Annoyance in Relationships

Recognize the Cause of Your Irritation

Sometimes other people annoy you, and often it’s those you care about the most. It’s common to feel worried about your relationship when you feel constantly annoyed. This doesn’t mean your relationship is in trouble, though. ‌

There could be other reasons why you’re irritated and annoyed. Before you act on your irritation, take inventory of how you feel and what you might need. Consider:

Have you had enough sleep in the past week?
Do you need 10 minutes or an hour to yourself to relax?
Are you angry about another issue that you haven’t discussed?
Are you anxious about another problem or event?‌

Paying attention to what’s going on in your life can help you get to the root of your irritation. Addressing the cause can help you deal with being annoyed with your partner. ‌

If you have ongoing irritability, this can be a sign of other health problems like depression, hormonal problems, thyroid problems, or addiction. Make sure to talk to your doctor.

Practice Self-Awareness and Self-Regulation

You’ve probably heard the term “hangry”, which means you’re angry or irritated because you’re hungry. It’s true that hungry people are more likely to have negative emotions and feel stressed. Being hungry doesn’t automatically make you annoyed and cause you to lash out, though. ‌

You’ve likely been hungry and on edge before and managed not to lose your cool or become irritated by someone else. An important part of regulating your emotions is noticing them. ‌

The same study that found connections between hunger and anger also found that the hungry people who spent time in self-awareness didn’t get angry. ‌

You can start becoming self-aware by recognizing how you react when you’re irritated. Do you get angry and aggressive toward others? Do you hold your feelings in and let them fester? Does your annoyance get more and more intense with time? Does your annoyance turn to frustration?

In general, the more time you take to calm yourself, notice how you feel, and think about what exactly is causing your anger and irritation, the better you can handle your emotions.

Own Your Annoyance

Own the fact that your feelings are yours. The annoying way your partner breathes, or chews their food, or leaves their socks on the floor is simply your response to a behavior. They might be surprised if you make a remark since they’re just going about their day, eating their meal or getting undressed.‌

Sometimes your partner might do things to tease you or purposely annoy you. You might have a valid reason for your complaint, but your emotion is yours. Take responsibility for it. This helps you take control and take personal action even if their behavior feels targeted. ‌

The next time you feel irritated, accept how you’re feeling. Use “I” and “my” statements. For example, you can say, “I am feeling annoyed. I need to take a 10-minute break.”

Let It Go and Turn Your Focus

When you’re feeling frustrated and annoyed, it can be easy to pick on the little things that bug you. Decide whether these things matter. Is having a fight about this annoyance going to move you forward? Or is it better to let it go in the moment and bring it up for discussion later when you feel calmer? Sometimes giving yourself a little space and time can help you gain perspective.

Take 5 and Then Talk About It

It’s likely that some things are bigger issues that do need to be discussed or aren’t as easily solved. These can be relationship issues, habits, or differences in beliefs that are causing tension. You should address these problems.

Healthy communication is important, but it’s best to try to find solutions when you’re calm. Take a breather and then come back when you’re feeling less irritated. Use “I” statements, take turns talking, and listen to your partner. Calmly discuss how you feel and ask for what you need. ‌

Realize there might be things you can’t change and that you can only be responsible for your behavior. Decide whether these annoying differences are something you can accept.

Outlook

Feeling annoyed isn’t a sign that your relationship is doomed. Instead, it can be a sign that it’s time to nurture yourself and to honor your feelings. If you have ongoing irritation and relationship problems, consider talking to a therapist.

EVERYTHING IS FUCKING. How to stop being angry about everything? Instructions - Meduza

Anything can cause anger, irritation and an outburst of anger - including keys that cannot be found at the bottom of the bag, or stupid comments on social networks. Or you are denied a well-deserved (in your opinion) promotion. Or, for example, you are late for work - and suddenly a child spills freshly squeezed orange juice on a white and ironed shirt. All of this is VERY FUCKING. On the one hand, feeling angry is quite natural, it is a basic emotion. On the other hand, your relatives suffer from your intemperance, and in general, it’s hard to get angry all the time. At the request of Meduza, Alyona Prihidko, PhD in Psychology and an expert in emotional regulation, explained what to do if you are often angry, unable to control yourself, and lash out at others (and want to deal with it).

If you like to rage , put this instruction aside and read about censorship on Facebook or an investigation into how Igor Chaika's business partners receive state money for Muscovites going to paid toilets.

So, everything irritates you - and it is this that irritates you first of all. In any family, there are so-called patterns of emotional response: even in childhood, we learn to control ourselves by watching adults - through imitation and identification with parents or loved ones. If the elders allowed themselves aggression, then the child can learn to express his feelings with screams and fists. Restraint is basically a social skill: someone learns to manage their emotions (for example, by evaluating the consequences in advance), and someone is not able to cope with them. Or doesn't want to. In addition, anger is an emotion of a socially privileged person: a boss can express anger at a subordinate, but not vice versa. It's the same with parents and children. If you feel that you have anger management problems and want to fix it, consider that the first step has already been taken.

Analyze your triggers

Triggers are situations, people, thoughts that make you feel intense emotions. For example, for parents, the most common trigger is the disobedience of the child. The traditional model of family and parenting implies that the child must obey the parent in everything. If this does not happen, parents feel that their authority is undermined - and this ultimately causes anger and aggression. Especially if before my eyes there was the experience of my own mothers and fathers, who resolved controversial issues with a cry or even physical punishment. Or someone may absolutely hate being late: if your friend is late (never happened before, and here again!), You literally begin to shake. Anger arises where we care, and where we are especially sensitive.

Therefore, you need to study your triggers - in order to prepare for the situation in advance. For example, if you know that your friend is constantly late, then you can take a coloring book with you if it calms you down. Or turn on music that lifts your spirits while you wait. In addition, remember that any action has its own reason - even chronic lateness or unwillingness to do homework.

Be prepared for an outburst of anger

A well-known proverb says: if you knew where you fell, you would spread straw. You need to prepare in advance for the fact that you will get angry: think about how to remind yourself to stop and not dive into the emotional funnel. Imagine how you pour hot coffee into a large cup: you pour, pour, pour - and in the end it pours over the edge right onto your bare foot. It hurts, it's embarrassing, and the consequences must be eliminated. This would not have happened if you had followed your actions and stopped in time. But for this you need to be attentive to your feelings, know the size of the cup and the temperature of the drink. So it is with anger.

If you know in advance in which situations you can experience it and in which situations it is especially difficult for you to cope with yourself, then it will be much easier for you to stop it at the very beginning and exhale. And then there will be no breakdown. Signs of an approaching outburst of rage can be different: someone begins to clench their fists or their neck warms up, someone feels that they are out of breath. Watch yourself, remember what is happening to you - and then it will be easier to cope with the impulse.

Change your way of thinking

Emotions, including anger, are directly related to thoughts. It could be thoughts about how terribly wronged you are, or that life is fundamentally unfair. Marsha Linehan, creator of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, offers a metaphor for "teflon consciousness". Imagine that your consciousness is like a Teflon frying pan, from which even the remains of a burnt scrambled egg easily slip off - straight into the trash. And now bad thoughts are slipping away, and you are peacefully drinking coffee that has not overflowed from the cup. No matter how tired the word "mindfulness" (or mindfulness) has been lately, this is it.

It is interesting and useful to look even deeper and understand what your values basically influence your anger - what role it plays in your relationships with other people. Our emotions are functional: being angry with a person, we try to convey to him that his behavior is unacceptable for us. Think about how exactly you can explain this without anger? Most likely, it will turn out that the same goals can be achieved in a much less aggressive way.

Use the environment for peaceful purposes

In a fit of anger, we often want to throw something at the wall or even at the person we are angry with. Throwing plates, throwing things or hitting a pillow is a classic of unrestrained display of anger. In fact, these are aggressive actions that can only recharge your anger.

To calm down, you can use the surrounding objects or stop words. Emotional regulation specialist, Stanford University professor James Gross calls them "helping elements." For example, in the film Anger Management, Jack Nicholson's character, a psychotherapist, taught his clients to chant the strange word "gu-usfraba" in a moment of acute anger. “Gu-usfra-a-a-aba,” the clients sang and gradually calmed down: they associated this nonsense with the psychotherapy group, gave a pause and threw a bridge between anger and the ability to pull themselves together.

Let's say you know how difficult it is to put children to bed, but you don't want to raise your voice or punish them. Not only the rules in relations with children will help, but also work on yourself. For example, you can hang a print on the wall in the form of the frontal lobes of the brain (which are responsible for managing emotions) and write on it: “Calm down! Take care of the neurons! Or, for example, a colleague annoys you for some reason. Put a postcard to yourself with the inscription "Breathe" next to the computer - and every time anger rolls over you, you will remember that you need to breathe - for example, on the count of ten. Finally, it's important to remember that anger is the emotion needed to attack, so exercise is a good way to deal with it.

Don't try to "show things off" during a fight

If you want to talk to a loved one about being angry, it's best to do so before you get "pissed". You can talk about what upsets or annoys you and what you would like to change. Maybe you have ideas how - or you want to find a way together. Try not to blame or "make claims": this is also a kind of aggression, which again can result in a quarrel or a serious conflict. During a quarrel, in principle, you should not try to solve the problem. In the case of most other emotions, to cope with them, it helps to talk about your feelings. But with anger and anger, everything is more difficult. If you are already in the heat of a quarrel and start talking about your problems and emotions aggressively, anger can only increase.

Remember that emotions can be "infected"

There is such a relatively studied phenomenon as emotional contagion. This is an unconscious process associated with empathy: we "intercept" someone else's emotion non-verbally, through facial expressions, gestures, and direction of gaze. Scientists say that this can even happen remotely (for example, if you watch a video), and sadness is more “contagious” than joy.

Of course, this is not always the case. In order for this to happen, the person "transmitting" an emotion to you must express emotions brighter than you, but at the same time not worry about your feelings. Like, for example, a small and desperately sobbing child. It is important to notice such moments, protect your boundaries, not succumb to someone else's anger and again try to remain calm.

Don't be afraid to study yourself

Be sure to analyze yourself - after all, it won't be worse than it is. Watch how your reactions arise: from a situation to an emotion, then to a clear thought, a desire to do something, and, finally, a real action.

Let's say you're stuck in traffic on your way to an important meeting. First you feel angry, then swear to yourself, then you start to panic (“horror, I’m late, what will happen now, everything is gone”), then you feel like ramming the cars in front, like in GTA, and as a result, you press hard on beep.

If you carefully observe your anger for several days, you will begin to notice patterns in reactions and their ins and outs. For example, Emotionally Focused Therapists note that anger is often a secondary emotion that masks fear, anxiety, shame, or guilt. And anger is a kind of disguise, like the lid of a saucepan, under which completely different feelings seethe.

Did this manual piss you off? Let's discuss in the chat!

Alena Prihidko

5 tips on how to stop being constantly irritated and angry at everything around

Unpleasant situations or events always cause anger, anger, irritation. These are completely natural reactions, but you need to ensure that they do not become constant companions in life. If even minor troubles cause very strong irritation and anger, then a psychological problem is already emerging here that requires urgent action. How to stop getting annoyed with people, their behavior and actions, with the events taking place around? Let's try to answer this question.

Content:

1 If everything infuriates . ..
2 Eliminate negative emotions
3 Find, understand and take control of pain points
4 It is necessary to understand that everything depends only on you
5 Remove fatigue
6 Do not be afraid of change

Irritability, the habit of being nervous over trifles, being very angry for any reason - all this does not lead to anything good. A constant stay in such negative states significantly worsens the quality of life. Close people, colleagues, friends begin to be wary of an irritable person. And in the end, communication may even come to naught. But if a person at the same time thinks about how to stop being constantly irritated and nervous, then all is not lost. You need to make a little effort, realize the reasons for such reactions, work on yourself, and everything will change for the better. There are several tricks you can use to do this.

Elimination of negative emotions

If you develop anger, you get angry at someone, but you find the strength not to break loose and not throw out this negativity so as not to spoil the relationship, this is already good. But if you keep all this to yourself, do not give vent to bad emotions, they will destroy you from the inside. Come up with a way to get rid of the negativity, something to help blow off steam. Maybe it will be a punching bag in the gym, a pillow that you will scream into, or something else suitable.

Find, understand and take control of pain points

It happens that because of one event or incident, literally everything starts to piss me off. And already even ordinary things cause irritation. In this case, you need to look for the root of the problem, to understand what exactly became the main cause of anger. To do this, write down everything that annoys and infuriates you on a piece of paper, and then conduct a thorough analysis of each item on the list. Then you need to think about whether you can avoid further exposure to the listed stimuli, or at least reduce their appearance in life.

It is necessary to understand that everything depends only on you

A person's life is only in his power, and responsibility for everything lies only on him. No one will help him change his attitude to the world around him if he himself does not realize this need. Think about it, maybe it's because of your beliefs that everything in the world infuriates you? Maybe your expectations are to blame for the appearance of negative emotions? You wanted one and got another. But after all, not everything in life develops the way we want. Moreover, expectations are not always justified. When you understand this, it will be easier to take control of your life, peace and well-being.

Remove fatigue

Banal fatigue can become the main cause of irritability and anger at everything that happens around. Therefore, we must try to relieve fatigue by any possible means. First you need to optimize the working day, restore sleep. You can try a change of scenery or find a new interesting activity in your free time. You need a good rest from the daily routine. Diversify your leisure time, find new hobbies and recreation options. If possible, immediately, when you feel annoyed again, switch your thoughts to something good or start doing something that brings you pleasure.