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Single Women Seeking Men: What Do They Want in a Man?

Hollywood would have us believe that there’s a certain type of man that single women are looking for; tall, dark, handsome, and preferably, wealthy. Thankfully, though, it’s simply not true. In a cross-national survey examining the biological and cultural influences of attraction, it was found that women most favored the following top five features in a man: humor, intelligence, honesty, kindness and strong values.

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How to Approach Single Women

If you’ve found it challenging and are wondering how to meet a nice woman, simply be a nice man. It may seem old-fashion and not the most popular opinion today, but being a gentleman never goes out of style. Keep these tips in mind next time you chat with a woman…

Be respectful: Manners go a long way – introduce yourself, be on time and present yourself well. Also remember, respect her space if you’re approaching a lady in a public place. It can be as simple as asking ‘is it ok if I sit here’ before assuming it is.

Read the signals: A woman’s body language is a good way to determine her interest. Is she leaning towards you or are her arms crossed? Is she asking you questions or simply being polite? Is she playing with her hair or fidgeting to try to get out the situation? Follow her lead to ensure that you’re both going in the same direction. If she is not encouraging your interest, take a step back and let her be.

Consider the context: Make sure your behavior is context-appropriate. If you’re on a first date or a 3rd date or approaching a stranger in a bar, there are different ways to interact suitably. Adapt your tone and level of familiarity to suit the situation. A woman who feels respected will be much more likely to give you a real chance!

Read also:

  • Thinking about a dating site? Start here
  • Fall in love in the Big Apple: The best NYC date ideas
  • Want to meet a professional? Find your partner online

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Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)

Based on the pages of Anna Polosina’s book “Winter sneakers for cross-country running” (M.: U Nikitskie Vorota Publishing House, 2021)

Alexander Senkevich

I think that today the most pointless debates are about what cultural tradition the Russian-speaking people belong to. East or West? It is worth looking around to understand that in terms of everyday behavior and emotional reactions to certain events of everyday life, most of us, of course, belong to Asians, and in terms of the perception of beauty and artistic preferences, that is, according to spiritual needs and an inexhaustible thirst to live richly and comfortable - to the Europeans. In the latter case, we go with them most often toe-to-toe, step by step. Sometimes, however, it happens that we get lost. And all because oriental flavor is still present in our lifestyle. However, if you look broadly, such our originality is in the order of things. After all, we are not epigones, in fact! nine0005

This is what the great Russian singer Fyodor Ivanovich Chaliapin said about this when he was outside of Russia in one of the chapters of the book Mask and Soul: “In a foreign land,” I wrote in the title of these final chapters of my book. I wrote and thought: what kind of foreign land is this? After all, everything with which the Western world lives spiritually is infinitely close and dear to me as an artist, as a Russian. We all drank from this great fountain of creativity and beauty."

I’ll add from myself: they drank, yes! But they didn't drink to death. nine0005

Our great compatriot was still an honest man, having seen God knows what in his native country. Especially in February and October 1917. He had to see more than once or twice how some people were animated and cheered by the sight of what caused others to be dumbfounded, and sometimes even to break their hearts. Hence, perhaps, over the past century we have developed a sense of omnivorousness.

And now I’ll retell what funny stories in connection with this our national identity are described in Anna Polosina’s book “Winter cross-country running shoes”. I will gather my courage and start in order, remembering the mutually exclusive statements of the French educator, philosopher and writer Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) on the topic of marriage ties: “ The one who said that a happy marriage can only be between a blind wife and a deaf husband was undoubtedly an intelligent person ... The fact that we see so few successful marriages just testifies to the value and the importance of marriage .”

Out of the blue

What has the Russian book market not regaled the reader with in recent decades! Perhaps that is why it is difficult these days to find something unexpected on it, capturing the mind and feelings. However, such miracles, although rare, do happen. The intellectual, lyrical and spiritual book by Anna Polosina is one of them. And this despite her shocking frankness. It is about how difficult it is in our time for a smart, educated and wealthy woman to find a husband who is equal to her in culture and social status. Especially when you are looking for a foreign husband. nine0005

Polosina's book attracts attention with its unusual appearance. Two texts fit under one cover: Russian and English. Opened the book - you read the Russian text. Turned it over and you read the English text. Already the presence of bilingual texts increases the readership. In addition, the English text of the book is adapted to the perception of the English-speaking reader. What is this if not a manifestation of the mind and special sensitivity of the author! With the exception of two chapters, the translation of the entire book into English belongs to Anna Polosina. nine0005

Thoughts connected in one way or another with the choice of a groom and various characteristics of men are united by a paradox. It consists in the fact that with the assertive desire of the heroine to acquire marriage bonds, her view of marriage turns out to be quite skeptical and does not differ in any way from the judgment of the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates about him, who said that “ marriage is like a mirage: it always seems more beautiful at a distance” . Yes, and the poet of the Spanish Renaissance Leonardo de Arsenola Bartolome was of the same opinion about marriage: “ Of all the serious things, marriage is the most buffoonish .” When reading this book, I myself had the feeling that its author was not only joking, but often openly mocking the reader.

The story of Anna Polosina is preceded by several statements by the prose writer and poet Igor Kubersky. Of course, we are talking about the obvious merits of this book, saturated with psychological conflicts: “I must note the absolutely brilliant level of the narrative (forgive me for this word), that is, the language and style in one package <…> the clarity and aphorism of unborrowed thought delight <…> shortcomings mostly redeemed by the undoubted brilliance of presentation. The verbal portraits of the "suitors" are the strongest thing there, including - yes - a self-portrait, which causes great sympathy. And a bit of bitterness, as in good wine, leaves that same aftertaste, which is called aesthetic acceptance ... ". nine0009

I still disagree with one statement by Kubersky. The author is not at all a prototype of the main character of the book. Knowing the writer almost from the moment of her birth, I am convinced that Anna Polosina created a satirical work in which, in grotesque and tragic images, the customs, fashions and preferences of the modern middle class are depicted, even sketchily. Or rather, its tops, to which the writer belongs. She honestly warns the reader: “I will not write about love in this book. The book is not about that." nine0009 It was said frankly, honestly and to the point. In general, the remark is superfluous. The book is not about Polosina's life at all, but about people from her environment: “Alien life rarely leaves a trace of understatement, we all know about others better than about ourselves. Therefore, apparently, she is doomed to remain a stranger.

The plot of the book is built around the search for suitors with the help of several London marriage agencies, as well as independently - by gravity, on occasion. The prospective suitors are not chosen among compatriots, but must be foreigners with knowledge of the English language. There are good reasons and worldly considerations for such a narrowing of the search field. The heroine of the book needs a husband either to spend a vacation full of all sorts of pleasures with him, or as a guarantor of her survival in a free market, or as protection in the event of any disasters in her native country. Finally, it is necessary for the conception of a child. nine0005

How to look for a needle in a haystack

The first person who, with the help of an honest business marriage agency, got into the network of the heroine of the book was a certain Pele. It was a "young grandfather" who already had two adult children, " a charming handsome man with lively humor and excellent manners ". At the first meeting, he looked even better than in the photograph sent to the heroine of the book. It was also attractive that “ he had the same business, only more extended geography, namely in the UK, France, Dubai and America ". Pele does not understand why, instead of the planned joint holiday in Spain, he flew to the first meeting in Moscow. He belonged to those business people who commanded respect from the heroine of the book: “ I must say that boys from good families do not correspond to my values, I strongly prefer self-made man, because their traits and qualities of character are a hard currency developed in as a result of those life tests, that is, perhaps, boys from good families are better aware of themselves as a result of a large cultural layer, but charismatic passionaries know themselves better, who wrested from life a place in the food chain intended for someone else. It's a fine line between being "aware" and "knowing yourself", but that's where my value line runs ".

Pele delighted the heroine of the book. During the three days of his stay in Moscow, they discussed and planned a lot. Their future life together included sex after 30 days at a meeting in Cannes, the birth of a child and a joint business.

Unfortunately, no matter how wonderful this person was, something did not grow together between them and they parted. Why the expectations of a "happy ending" did not materialize, this tricky question is given a vague answer. Rather, an indefinite question was even sounded: “... although I was not upset, I was sorry ... Pele was tailored exactly according to my patterns of ideal expectations, but the scheme turned out to be unviable. Why is it always like this? ".

A second suitor named Mitchell was recommended by an almost perfect marriage agency.

I'll tell you about his meeting with his future bride. Their first and last date, apparently, took place at the London airport and lasted no more than an hour. The young man hurried to the plane. Let me turn to the text of the book: " Confirmation came from the agency that they liked me. And unconditionally. But I did not receive a letter with details. She didn't write, and didn't intend to. That's what's good when dealing with the old school, the rules of the game are well known to both. Mitchell, by the way, I did not consider yap after non-writing. I knew everything was right. He believed the information was correct. We did not suit each other at the level where our thoughts no longer directed our behavior. And both were mature enough to immediately accept this fact without trying to bargain with life ".

The first person she told about her experience in finding suitable suitors was Marcus. They turned out to be neighbors on a long flight from Thailand to Moscow. He was a funny and talkative young man. What is called, the soul wide open. The heroine was a little taken aback by his frankness, blurted out by the first-on-the-cross. And accordingly, to some extent, she liberated herself.

With the help of another London marriage agency, the heroine of the book met a thirty-year-old guy from Bangladesh, who lived in his native country until he was twenty, “ not bothering much with studying at the local philological faculty and playing basketball, though for the national team . But life without any problems soon ended for him: “ And when he was twenty, the war with Pakistan began, the university was closed, and a boy from a good family had to start the life of a colored and illegal immigrant in London alone, there was no visa, no money either . I had to study as an accountant and work at the same time in the specialty .

This man, named in the book by the name of Bangoli, made a dizzying career. He became the manager of the Sheikh Abu Dhabi fund. However, life in a warm climate and " under a thick layer of various insurances, benefits and privileges did not suit him . He wanted to return to England and take care of everyone there: “ Apparently, the heavy legacy of the first poor and deprived years in London affected. Dark skin and a complex in connection with this, which, in fact, as a strong man, he did not hide at all, gave an additional impetus to the movement.

Bangoli had already been married once to a Canadian woman who died after living with him for ten years, converting to Islam before marriage and giving birth to him two girls and a boy: “ The children were some fantastic, amazing beauties and handsome, just ten out of ten in all respects. Honestly, I haven’t seen anyone like them .”

Bangoli's wife was against going to London. There was an ongoing dispute between the spouses between " security and the call". After her death, he and his children (the eldest girl was nine years old, the son was two years old) moved to England.

By the time the heroine met Bangoli, his children had grown up. The youngest son graduated from the university. He created his own fund prospered, celebrating its fifteenth anniversary. Here it must be clarified that Bangoli was one of the four sons of an outstanding father. His father was the governor of Bangladesh. One of his sons followed in his father's footsteps. Another was a general, and the third was the owner of the largest advertising agency in the country. In comparison with their brothers, Bangoli was also not in last place. nine0005

Back to the text of the book: “ The acquaintance with Bangoli took place according to all the canons: dinner, another dinner, a trip to the museum, an invitation to a box for croquet, and this is a canoe for the whole day, acquaintance with all the children, an invitation to the Wimbledon final, this is again for the whole day in a club format, one more dinner. Well, at this stage it is already customary to determine whether this acquaintance will remain secular or whether a transition to another stage will follow. This is where I got off somewhere. For reasons not directly related to Bangoli ".

However, this is not the end of the story. After some time, it continued and in intimate terms turned out to be better than the heroine of the book expected: “. .. , that is, that share of drama was introduced there, without which sex quickly turns into a rather dull routine. In other moments it was worse. It's not even that he was driving cool, it was, apparently, his educational and pedagogical background sticking out of all the holes: what to eat, how to dress and why you shouldn't go to the styling. I would say that he behaved with me as with his eldest daughter, I had a ten-year difference with Lydia ".

Bangoli, who " was powerful as the hero of the epic epic ", besides endowed with " the sophisticated intellect of the winner of the evolutionary race and the reactions of the dangerous predator ", acted on the heroine of the book in accordance with his breed. She turned to stone in his presence. That is why, in parallel with Bangoli, she began an affair with a boy nicknamed Pirate:0009 b". But this flirtation with the young man did not last long. There were also other types and stories about which the book of Anna Polosina tells.

The first failures of a woman looking for a husband, however, did not lead to the closure of the topic. They only activated the bride without the groom. This time she acted on her own, consciously and conceptually, focusing on the zero point, that is, on the first dates. It was on them that it was decided whether the relationship would go further or not. The second most important condition for the implementation of the goal was to understand which suitors have a chance to catch in their networks? Of course, it was about a certain psychological type. At the same time, those initial conditions about which I have already written were not discarded. This fishing, to be honest, was like winter fishing through a hole in an ice-covered river. Indeed, as practice has shown, catching nets does not bring much success. nine0005

Does the title of the book match its content?

The reader, after the quotes I have given, may get the impression that the heroine of Polosina is a complete bitch. However, this would be an incorrect conclusion. She sometimes tries to act out of love, but always fails. She never manages to find her "diamond in the dust." Respectable women, put yourself in her place and be indulgent!

Anna Polosina's gift for writing is not only her virtuoso ability to create naturalistic portraits of her male contemporaries. Her gift is peculiar, allowing you to see what you cannot immediately see with a simple eye. This gift is rare these days. Here is what the author writes about him in the twelfth chapter of his book: “I must say that I have one gift, perhaps quite valuable, although of dubious quality. He is the product of a symbiosis of cynicism and simplicity. Through this telescope filter it is useful and certainly not without interest to observe the movements and motives of Others. Care must be taken to ensure that dreary predictability does not obscure all the horizons of the movements of celestial and terrestrial bodies.

On the cover of the book we read: “I am a ghost writer, you will not recognize my name and you will not see my face. I have no writing or literary ambitions. This is of course not a manual, but rather a debriefing, and I really hope that it will be something useful for you, and sometimes funny. The book is not recommended for compulsory study. nine0009 And in the same place in large, capital letters: “P.S. MEN SHOULD NOT READ .”

Yes, Anna Polosina does not have a better opinion of the men of her generation. And she supports unflattering statements about them with many examples. All the men discussed in the book are at first designated as ideal suitors, but soon prove dubious.

According to the author, “ this book was created as something socially useful, that is, reading it, the girl does not just waste her precious time, but broadens her horizons and receives valuable information of a purely applied value, which can be very useful ".

Where, after all, did a book on a topic far from sports get such a title? In its seventeenth chapter, the author gives a detailed explanation. I'll quote it in full because it's important for understanding what this book is about: “Track running shoes don't have to run, I prefer to walk fast in them. Walking compared to running is like a state of light love compared to sex, it guarantees an improvement in venous blood flow and does not carry side effects in the form of a load on the spine, knees and joint and ligamentous apparatus. This is me about the consequences of running now, if anyone does not understand. Well, about the side effects of sex, you know as well as I do. At a minimum, these are claims and it is good if the claims are mutual, and not unilateral. Well, it happens, of course, without complaints, but this is already completely different and should rather be called fitness, and not sex. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against running or sex, but both activities require both awareness and sacrifice." nine0009

I recall the advice to creative people from the outstanding painter and thinker Yevgeny Rastorguev, whose centenary was celebrated quite recently: "An artist must paint feeling. " The author of the book found herself in a difficult situation, recreating the type of a business intellectual, whose love feeling in choosing a betrothed is not openly declared, it is carefully hidden from outsiders. The strip, it seems to me, imitates the specifics of business negotiations, during which each of the two parties tries to hide their true intentions away and thereby outplay the partner. Naturally, every time the interests of the heroine and her "suitors" do not coincide. Along with these constant failures, the writer builds the composition of the book and relationships her and his in such a way that the deliberate pragmatism of the narrative is inspired by the experiences of the reader, who perceives the failures and defeats of the heroine as his own.

About the age of the heroine and her future

How old is the heroine of the book? She refers to women of Balzac age. Let me remind you that this expression became common after the appearance of Honore de Balzac's novel "The Thirty-Year-Old Woman" and is associated with its heroine, the viscountess d Eglemont. Women from 30 to 40 years old began to be attributed to this age.

By the way, the heroine of Polosina is just as independent in her judgments, independent and free in the manifestations of her feelings, like a noble lady from the 19th century. The types of men in her book are diverse, but almost all of them are frivolous people, deprived of the ability to vividly perceive and respond to events that directly affect them. That is, they lack the heightened impressionability that the one around which they all revolve, as if on a carousel, fully possesses. nine0005

In order to achieve her goal of finding a suitable groom, the heroine of the book turned to the services of several London dating agencies. As is usually the case, the most expensive agency turned out to be ineffective. She did not bypass her attention to fortune tellers, astrologers, psychics and psychoanalysts : “Since I have been hanging out on the topic of romantic relationships since my teenage years, I could not help but notice how much the market for supporting individual illusions has literally grown out of nothing during this time and, by the way, surprisingly , as no one has yet tried to evaluate it, monopolize it and bring it to IPO (first public sale of shares of a joint-stock company. - A.S.). Moreover, I have a strong feeling that the most promising market is Russia.”

The heroine fails at the end of the book. But she still sees light at the end of the tunnel. The last lines of the narration sound optimistic, which I would attribute, both in language and in thoughts, to the first experiments of new Russian intellectual prose: I really want to meet that new me, about which someone is already compiling an exciting story with an unexpectedly happy ending. nine0009

Without a doubt, such a meeting will not keep you waiting. After all, people say: "Where there is truth, there is happiness." And again: "Do not look for happiness far away when it is under your nose."

Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)

What prevents women over 40 from arranging a personal life


LonelinessMan and woman

If you are a single woman over 40, you probably have a lot of experience in love relationships. You again want to find a partner, but for some reason you can’t meet the right person. Perhaps you are divorced or you have ended a long-term relationship, and trying to meet and go on dates brings one disappointment. Or maybe you have not yet tried to look for someone or are left a widow and are not sure if you can find someone as worthy as your late husband. nine0005

I coach women in their forties. I know that the second time (and for some, the first time) finding love can be difficult. Nevertheless, many people fall in love every day, and many of the clients manage to find a beloved man. What is the problem then?

This may sound harsh, but most likely you are giving yourself false ideas about finding love after 40. These delusions prevent you from connecting with a potential partner, and in the worst case, lead to you not trying to find anyone. nine0005

1. All worthy men are already taken. This is what I hear most often from clients. Nevertheless, statistics show that there are a lot of single men. They file for divorce for the same reasons as women: alienation from their wife is growing, or she has cheated, or circumstances have simply changed.

Some men had their hearts broken in their youth, they could not recover from the blow for a long time and are only now ready to seek love. There are many reasons why worthy men do not have a partner and are looking for a woman like you. nine0005

If you believe in success, you will understand that every man you meet brings you one step closer to "the one" than ever before. So do not think that there is no worthy man for you!

2. I already had my only love. Widows tend to think this way most of the time, especially if they had a great relationship with their late husband. They are convinced that they will never find such a wonderful man again. nine0005

In fact, if you succeeded once, you may well succeed the second time. You have already proven that you can do it. Look at your situation from the other side, understand that you attract love like a magnet, because of the energy that memories of past love give you.

3. Looking for a partner is too difficult, it's not worth it. Acquaintances and dates are not easy, and at some point it may seem to you that they take too much strength and energy. But this is just a symptom that you don't really believe in your ability to find true love. nine0005

If you believe in success, you will understand that every man you meet brings you one step closer to “the one”. Before I met my adorable husband, I dated 30 men in 15 months.

Finding a partner is a lot of options, so the more men you meet, the more likely you are to find love.

Have I ever felt sad, disappointed, even disgusted? Of course! But I reminded myself that I was moving towards my goal of finding true love and that no one and nothing would stand in my way. And so it happened. nine0005

Yes, I dated 30 men, but the end result more than made up for all the previous failures and disappointments. Dating, dating and finding a partner is a long process. Tune in to win and you'll find the love you deserve!

4. If he's not a 10 out of 10, I'm not going to waste time on him. With such an approach, you will not find someone for yourself soon! After 40, the chances of Prince Charming knocking on your door are zero. You will have to get off the couch and make an effort to meet new men as often as possible. nine0005

Finding a partner is a lot of options, so the more men you meet, the more likely you are to find love. Will each of them be perfection itself? Of course not! Most of them won't work for you. But there is nothing to worry about, because you just need to find one man that suits you.

There are no ideal men, it's a fairy tale. But you are not perfect either. I can guarantee you that there is a man in the world who will suit you. Get rid of the idea of ​​finding the perfect partner or you will remain single. nine0005

5. Not as interesting with him as with friends. It often surprises me that women compare the men they meet with their girlfriends. Are they serious? How can you even compare a man and a friend? Men are not like women, they are radically different. We are brought up differently, we have different innate characteristics and inclinations, our brain is arranged differently. The fact that we have equal rights does not mean that we are the same.

Hoping to find a man who looks like a friend, you doom yourself to failure. Most of them will never be as sympathetic and will not be able to understand you as deeply as girlfriends. But this does not mean at all that a man is not able to give you anything. On the contrary, if you find someone who really suits you, he can enrich your life and make it brighter in a way that girlfriends never can. Therefore, I advise you to refuse to compare a potential partner with girlfriends - this is a harmful idea that can prevent you from finding your love. nine0005

6. All men are liars, cheaters and womanizers. This is how women who have already "burned themselves" or have seen similar examples usually think. As a coach, I suggest thinking: are all men really like that? This is impossible purely mathematically! There are definitely men who do not cheat, do not cheat and do not refuse to start a family. I found one for myself, and many of the clients met wonderful men with moral principles.

If you're determined to only date the "bad guys", get ready to have your heart broken

If you convince yourself that all men are terrible, you will only see facts to support your point of view. If you tell yourself that they are beautiful, you will surely find a lot of evidence for this. Try to look in your environment for examples of worthy men, and you will notice that there are a lot of them.

7. I never meet interesting men. I have been helping women meet and build relationships for 14 years and I can say with confidence: those who say this do not date men at all. Usually they are quite passive, practically do not get acquainted with anyone and do not go on dates. No wonder they don't meet interesting men. nine0005

I used to be like that myself before I started looking for love really seriously. I noticed that many women find polite men boring, but interesting "bad guys". Yes, the unpredictability and detachment of the "bad guys" is often intriguing, I want to unravel their secret. He seems to be challenging - can you achieve his location?

But such a man will not yield to you in anything, is not ready to change for you and is not suitable for a long-term relationship. If you're determined to only date "bad guys," get ready to have your heart broken, and romance will only be tormenting. nine0005

8. There are no single men in my town. One of my clients, Sally, was convinced that all the men in her town were married. Yes, in some places there are more married people than single people. But in any case, there are a lot of the latter everywhere. Working with Sally, who had forgotten how to notice the right men, I helped her realize how many potential partners were around - with one of whom she managed to start a relationship.

To arrange your personal life, you will have to set aside time in your schedule for this

9. Today's men don't want relationships. Let's remember the delusion that all men are liars, cheaters and womanizers. Again, such generalizations are baseless. Yes, not all men are interested in long-term relationships, but there certainly are.

If you want to find your love, you will have to meet a lot of men and weed out the unsuitable ones. Coach Amy Schoen advises: to understand how serious a man's intentions are, listen to what he has to say about his life and relationships. For example, if he plans to move or starts talking about how he loves women, most likely he is not ready to start a family. nine0005

If he says he's tired of dates and short-term relationships, he may be serious. There are definitely men who would be happy to fall in love with you. But for this to happen, you yourself will have to try.

10. I don't have time for dates and relationships. Women constantly inspire themselves with this. I know you are busy. But you can set aside time for what you consider important. To find your love, you must make finding it your priority. Make time in your schedule to meet new people at least once a week. If you can't, then you really don't really want to find your love. nine0005

When I was looking for a husband, I went to a dating group for singles or to dances at least once a week. In addition, I dated men who advertised in newspapers (Internet dating wasn't popular in 1998) and went out for coffee with at least one every weekend.

To arrange a personal life, you will have to set aside time in your schedule for this. If you say that it simply does not exist, I understand you. But in this case, you will have to admit that love is not so important to you. There is nothing shameful in this, because in order to find it, considerable efforts and very strong motivation will be required. nine0005

I hope that clearing up these misconceptions has given you a fresh look at the process of finding love after 40 years. When I myself found the man I loved, I decided to dedicate my life to helping other women fulfill their dream of love. Since it worked for me and many of my clients, I know that it will work for you too!

About the author: Ronnie Ann Ryan is a coach with 14 years of experience.

Text: Nikolai Protsenko Photo Source: Getty Images

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