Should i marry a younger woman

The Pros and the Cons

You have met the love of your life. She is everything you have always dreamed of in a partner: vibrant, beautiful, clever, funny and, most importantly, she looks at you with love and admiration.

She is also significantly younger than you.

Today, straddling the age divide doesn’t raise too many eyebrows. Society has become used to seeing older men courting and marrying women young enough to be their daughter. Donald Trump and Melania, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas. Whether for love or for financial security, or both, these May – December romances are now commonplace.

What are some of the advantages of marrying a younger woman?

1. The obvious benefit: Her youthful vim and vigor

Her energy and lust for life will, in all likelihood, transfer over to you, the older man. This has a positive effect on your health and well-being. Your younger wife will not be content to sit around at home binge-watching the latest series on Netflix. She will get you up and out of your armchair and back out into the world. Before, your weekends spent mall-walking with your Seniors-Only crowd. Now, she wants you to go rock out at Coachella with her, and why not book a trek in the Himalayas? Her enthusiasm to explore and discover the world is contagious, making you see and experience things with fresh eyes.

2. She’s incredibly attractive

You will be the envy of all your peers (your male friends, at least!) and gain their admiration. Your libido, which you had thought long-dormant, has awakened and you are re-experiencing what is was like to be 14 years old.

3. You will keep up with new trends

Just when you got the hang of using a computer, along came this woman. Now you are tweeting, instagramming and Snapchatting. You have a virtual life that is 100-times more vibrant than the life you were living before you met your wife. Your kids—heck, your grandkids—can’t believe how up-to-date you are on new technologies. You are keeping your brain active and engaged as you master the latest in 21st-century apps and software.

4. You will have a chance to be a father

With a fertile younger woman, you’ll have the possibility to experience fatherhood (again, if you already have children). This opportunity to parent together can be an incredible life and relationship-deepening experience. Becoming a father at a later age can also provide you with an opportunity to stay young and active.

What are some of the disadvantages of marrying a younger woman?

1. She might get bored with you

Sure, you offer financial security. But sometimes you need to go to bed earlier than she’d like. You can’t run that marathon that she is competing in, and you have no interest in keeping up with the Kardashians. You may worry that she’s not happy doing some of these energy intensive activities on her own, or worry that she isn’t actually on her own. You physically can’t offer her what a man her age can.

2. You might get bored with her

As incredible as this may sound to you now, in the future, you may find yourself bored with your young wife. Your shared cultural references are not the same. Your musical tastes differ greatly. She’s on her iPhone all the time and has no desire to read a physical book. She probably has little idea how to budget her money. Her immaturity can become annoying. You may find yourself longing for someone of your generation with whom you can reminisce about “the good old days” and what it was like to pick up the Sunday paper and do the crossword puzzle together.

3. You can get uncomfortable with the others’ perception of your relationship

Are people looking at you two and wondering if she is your daughter? Do they think you are only with her because she’s in the blush of youth and amazing looking? Do you fear they think that you are her sugar daddy, that she is only with you for your money?

4. Younger men present a threat

While you know your wife loves you, you constantly have a little voice in your head telling you that one day she is going to cheat on you with someone in better shape, with more stamina, whose hair hasn’t gone grey and whose six-pack abs can be seen through his tight t-shirt. For the first time in your life, you are insecure about your ability to keep your wife happy. You find yourself feeling jealous, and this is affecting your relationship.

5. Having a younger wife makes you feel older

You wanted a younger wife so you could feel young. But actually, it makes you feel old. Really old. When you were first dating, her high energy and bubbly nature rubbed off on you, and it was easy to keep up with her as you rode the adrenaline rush. She made you feel young again, and you loved that feeling. But now some time has passed and the unavoidable signs of aging cannot be ignored. You are out with her friends and you realize that you are the only one in the group who remembers where you were when JFK was shot, because her friends were not even born then. Meanwhile, your set of friends are planning their retirements, complaining about paying for their kids’ college fees, and thinking about getting hair implants. It occurs to you that marrying a younger woman didn’t magically make the clock turn back. Being with a younger woman actually has made you realize that you aren’t, in fact, immortal.

Overall, regardless of the age difference, all relationships are the same. If your relationship is based on love, trust and good communication, you and your younger wife will be just like any other happy couple. Enjoy each other; that is the most important thing.

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I Married a Younger Woman. Here's Why I Regret It. — Best Life

Mark, 57, met Sarah, 45, at a conference when he was 33 and she was 22, and they hit it off immediately in spite of an 11-year age difference. At the time, they were living on opposite coasts, so they did long-distance for several years before deciding to get married. For a long time, their age gap didn't seem to be an issue. They both wanted/were young enough to have kids, their sex life was amazing, and they connected on "every level."

[If you're looking to really wow your one-and-only, take a look at The 50 Best Birthday Gifts For Your Wife.]

"When we first met, I was sort of immature for my age and she was quite mature for her age, so we sort of met in the middle," he says.

But after almost 25 years of marriage, it all came crashing down. Read on to find out what challenges Mark faced as a man who married a much younger woman, and why he ultimately harbors regrets. And to hear the reverse side of the equation, read about how This Woman Married an Older Man and Regrets It.

Studies have shown that there's still a lot of social stigma surrounding age gap relationships, and that younger people, somewhat surprisingly, are more likely than older people to assume that the pairing of partners in different life stages is an exchange-based relationship (i. e. sex in exchange for resources) rather than one based on love.

"She came from a much wealthier family than me, so I didn't have resources to bring to the table," he says. "But I definitely felt that judgment the first year we were together. When I talked about her, there was definitely this sense from my friends of, 'Come on, she's 12 years younger than you. What are you doing here?' There was less of that when we got married because by then we had been together a number of years, and then we moved to a city where most of our friends were artists who were leading all sorts of alternative lifestyles and were more open-minded about the gap."

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Many people in relationships with significant age differences complain that the stereotypes that people have surrounding them are especially unkind. If you're a younger man with an older woman—like Hugh Jackman and Deborra-lee Furness—people think the man must be "in the closet." If you're an older man with a younger woman, everyone assumes that she's just with you for the money. Mark felt that stereotype constantly while they were together, and he knows it haunts him when he talks about her even now.

"There's no way anyone reading this is going to say anything other than 'Oh, here's this older schmuck who got himself a trophy wife.' But she was an extraordinary person and I totally fell for her and she for me. I recently found a box of old love letters we sent each other, and we really loved each other."

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Like any married couple that has been together for over a decade, Mark and Sarah had their problems. But he was shocked when, two years ago, she revealed she had been having an affair for almost a year. He was even more surprised when, a few months later, she announced she wanted a divorce.

"I knew that we had issues, but I figured they didn't add up to something overwhelming," he says. "I thought we were rock solid."

Sadly, this is not uncommon, given that women initiate up to 80 percent of divorces—and men often don't see the signs coming.

The fact that Sarah left him for a man closer to her in age still nags at him.

"She swore repeatedly that his age had nothing to do with anything," he says. "But it's one of those things that gets into your head and you can't get out."

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Mark was devastated by the divorce, and one of the things that made it even more difficult was the realization that he was suddenly re-entering the dating pool as a much older man than when he left it.

"When you're married for such a long time, you stop really thinking about age. So one of the things about the breakup that was hard was that I suddenly realized, 'Oh man, I'm old.'"

And, on top of that, it felt unfair that his wife not only got to essentially "replace" him but was also dating again with a much better age advantage than him.

"She blew up our lives and she has a lot more time to rebuild hers than I do," he says.

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Mark moved to another city and "landed feeling broken and past [his] expiration date. " But, as it turns out, he's still got plenty of mileage left.

As a well-regarded artist and conventionally attractive man, he's had a lot of success on the online dating circuit, and even began seeing someone regularly who is much closer to his age than his wife was. When I ask if he ultimately believes that marrying someone who is significantly older or younger than you is a bad idea, he says that "it depends on the couple" and that an age gap between a someone in their 20s and 30s is "almost insignificant."

But, at the same time, he also recognizes that if he fell in love with someone who was in her early 30s now, he would be very apprehensive of letting it turn into something serious.

"If I were seriously involved with someone significantly younger now, I would always be thinking, 'I'm aging out here.' She would be in the prime of her life and I would be an old man. I love my kid but I don't want any more. And I wouldn't want to deprive her of anything." And for more on the upsides and downsides of an age gap relationship, check out these 25 Things Only Couples With Major Age Differences Know.

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Psychologists told how not to fall into the trap of eternal cohabitation - Moscow 24, 04/21/2021

April 21, 2021, 15:40

Society

The cherished stamp in the passport is not valuable for everyone. Someone is satisfied with unregistered relationships. However, the percentage of women for whom the classical form of marriage still remains a logical and mandatory stage in the development of relationships is much higher.

Photo: depositphotos/deagreez1

How long can you wait?
Some people fall in love at first sight and immediately propose, while others take time to test their feelings. Often the "trial period" is delayed for an indefinite period. Relations are similar to ordinary, family ones, but there is still no cherished stamp in the passport. The lady introduces her roommate as her husband and is very upset when she finds out that he calls her behind her eyes his girlfriend, as at the very beginning of communication.

According to the expert on family relations, social pedagogue Olga Shefergir, a year is enough for a man to decide whether he will take his girlfriend to the registry office. The specialist believes that a lot depends on the woman herself, her behavior in relationships.

"If a woman covers all his basic needs, then a man will be ready to propose. And even more so if she becomes a muse for him, who believes in him, with whom he can, liberated, open up, realize his potential and achievement instinct, then he will cherish this woman all his life, "the expert on family relations is sure.

Photo: depositphotos/AndreyPopov

Point-blank question
According to Olga Shefergir, if a woman covers the needs of a man, realizing that this is true, then she has the right to declare that she no longer wants to cohabit without obligations. “We need to give the man the opportunity to make a decision: does he want to live with her further, legitimizing their relationship, or does she leave him and live her own life in order to find a man who will cherish her and seal the relationship with marriage,” says the specialist.

The social educator believes that there is nothing shameful in asking a companion a direct question and asking for an answer. And if he is not ready to make a decision right away, then you need to give the man a little time to think, leaving him alone.

According to Darya Zakharova, a psychologist, a specialist in the field of individual psychological counseling and personality psychodiagnostics, the success of a relationship depends on the degree of openness of partners in a couple, the ability to speak directly. “If you have been dating a man for a long time, perhaps you live together, but he still doesn’t make an offer, then you shouldn’t guess on the coffee grounds whether he will call you to marry or not. You should frankly clarify the situation about future plans,” the psychologist notes.

Photo: depositphotos/mary_smn

Getting to the registry office
How not to fall into the trap of an indefinite relationship? Experts advise when choosing a partner to rely not on emotions and feelings, but on the state in which you are next to him.

"The presence of inner calm and lightness is important, the feeling that you are soaring. You should always be calm and comfortable with a man. You cannot confuse such a feeling of stability and security with anything," emphasizes Schaefergier, "without this, relationships will not be happy in the long term "If a woman lives in stress and systematically experiences negative emotions, then this destroys her. Under such circumstances, she will not be able to fully realize herself and become happy."

The social educator believes that one can reveal oneself only with a suitable partner and advises against giving in to emotions and temporary feelings based on chemical processes. In her opinion, this is only a temporary illusion of a successful relationship.

"A man's readiness for such a responsible step as marriage largely depends on whether a woman awakens this desire in him. At the beginning of our acquaintance, my husband said that he did not want to get married. He said that children and family in his life if they appear, then not earlier than in 4 years. But I did not intend to wait so long. And when we were already in a relationship, I said directly that we would not have intimacy before the wedding. So six months after we met, I received an offer and we filed an application, and two months later we got married, ”the family relations specialist shares his own experience.

Photo: depositphotos/SergeyNivens

When to leave
"You should immediately break off relations when you realize that you are being used," the expert believes, "and if a man raised his hand to you, there is nothing to think about either: there will definitely be a repetition, which means gotta leave."

According to psychologist Darya Zakharova, supporters of the classical form of marriage should pay attention to how your partner sees his future, what plans he makes and whether there is a place for you in these plans.

"If a man at the beginning of a personal relationship or after several years of living together in a frank conversation says that he does not plan to marry, then you should not cherish the empty hope that he will change his position. In this case, you need to understand how the issue of marriage is fundamental for you, and make a decision to maintain or break off relations, - the psychologist notes. - In the event that the partner feeds you with plans for a future marriage, but does not make an offer, does not agree on a date in any way, avoids talking, it is worth determining for yourself deadline, after which you will decide whether you need this relationship or not.

The specialist notes that a long wait for an offer, a protracted relationship is fraught with the development of neuroses, a decrease in self-esteem, disappointment in the opposite sex, feelings of being used and wasting one's own life on men for whom the value of your relationship is much lower than for you.

society

Experts told why some men are in no hurry to get married0003

Experts told why some men are in no hurry to get married - RIA Novosti, 03/01/2020

Experts told why some men are in no hurry to get married But it's not just the men themselves: the consumer society, which imposes false values on people, and the masculinization of women are also to blame.

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MOSCOW, November 19 - RIA Novosti. Relations between a woman and a man can stretch for years, but not end with a wedding, even if the couple has already had children. Psychologists and psychotherapists on the eve of International Men's Day told RIA Novosti why the representatives of the stronger sex are increasingly postponing the creation of a family.

November 19 is International Men's Day. It is designed to draw the attention of the world community to gender discrimination and the problem of gender inequality, as well as to emphasize the positive influence of men on the family and the upbringing of children.

A disease of big cities

According to the professor of the Department of Child and Family Psychotherapy of the Faculty of Counseling and Clinical Psychology of the Moscow City Psychological and Pedagogical University (MGPPU), Candidate of Psychological Sciences Tatyana Gavrilova, unwillingness to marry and postponing the creation of a family are most characteristic of men who live in big cities.

February 22, 2013, 11:00

Why is it harmful for men to live in a metropolis On the eve of the main men's holiday - Defender of the Fatherland Day - the chief urologist of the Moscow Health Department Professor Armais Kamalov spoke about the harmful factors affecting men's health in an interview with RIA Novosti correspondent Tatyana Stepanova .

"It is unlikely that this can be found in Buryatia, Tatarstan and other regions where the concept of a traditional family is strong," she explained.

According to Gavrilova, it is impossible to say unequivocally whether men want to marry or not.

"There is no information about their intentions. We do not know whether they want to or not. But in fact, an increase in bachelors is recorded: more and more men are out of wedlock. There are people who openly admit that they do not intend to do this. Nothing about the intentions of others unknown," she explained.

Responsibility is not for us

According to Gavrilova, many modern men are infantile and afraid to take responsibility. “There is an assumption that they are afraid of responsibility, including for children,” she said.

July 6, 2012, 18:03

What kind of acquaintances most often end in marriage? commissioned by RIA Novosti.

Professor Oleg Apolikhin, Director of the Research Institute of Urology of the Ministry of Health of Russia, Doctor of Medicine, agrees with Gavrilova. He notes that today the leader in the family is more often a woman.

"This is the position of an attached person: not someone who is ready to take responsibility, but someone who can lean against someone. Recently, we increasingly see that a woman is the leader in a family. She is forced to take this position, because nature does not tolerate emptiness, and the person with whom she lives does not attract the title of "strong half," he explained. preferring cohabitation with a loved one outside of marriage.Gavrilova noted that many representatives of the stronger sex today choose a civil marriage.0003

"But civil marriage is the wrong name. It's cohabitation. Not all cohabitation is a trial marriage. Some people enter into these relationships without going further to legitimize them. This is some kind of attempt to get closer to a woman, but does not mean marriage intention," she explained .

Family as an example

Sexologist, psychotherapist, president of the professional association of sexologists Yevgeny Kulgavchuk believes that modern men enter into family relationships later and less often for a number of reasons.

"Some of them, from single-parent families, raised by their mother, have not seen examples of successful marriage in their lives, and therefore do not strive to create something that they do not believe in and do not know what it is," said the doctor to RIA Novosti .

July 8, 2013, 08:42

Playing with the family is becoming the norm in megacities: men are also dissatisfiedOn the Day of Family, Love and Fidelity, experts told RIA Novosti - why modern residents of megacities are increasingly choosing a civil marriage without obligations, what are the pros and cons they expect and why men are increasingly feeling the victim.

Gavrilova noted that there is a category of men who put off getting married because of a very strong attachment to their mother.

"Unfortunately, some men are afraid to break away from their mother. Or they are so attached to her that any woman who appears as a candidate is devalued. A man, even at 40 years old and more, is afraid to break away from his mother, but at the same time she does not let him go. They have a "we" family,” the psychologist explained.0003

Desire for pleasure

The consumer society imposes false values on people, Kulgavchuk believes. This also applies to starting a family.

"Children, marriage for some men are associated with a restriction on the ability to consume: women, services, travel. Many of them are not quite capable of creating, since they themselves are, in fact, big children. The infantilism of some men is transmitted from generation to generation," — he explained.

And even those who are able to create often spend their energy only on a career, education, in order to get even more opportunities to consume, the doctor added.

January 25, 2013, 09:49

I don't believe that marriage is foreverAlexandra Sheveleva and doesn't know what to believe. There are too many unhappy married, divorced or single people around. Apparently, our generation is only developing new forms of family life.

Gavrilova said that there is a percentage of men with a fundamental attitude towards getting pleasure.

"He will go skiing, change women. He believes that life is a joy, not a burden. "Enough of the burden at work, and I have to devote the rest of the time to myself," such men are sure. there are people who will say they want to get married, but this is not happening," she said.

Kulgavchuk also added that there are those who understand that true values are above all else.

"I am convinced that in our country it is necessary to promote family values within the framework of demographic and social projects," he said.

Too strong woman

Gavrilova also admits that one of the reasons for the alienation of men from the institution of the family, the unwillingness to create it, is the masculinization of women (weakening of typical female and strengthening of typical male personality traits).

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