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Roles of family members in addiction


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  • SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.

    Also visit the online treatment locator.

SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service), or TTY: 1-800-487-4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.

Also visit the online treatment locator, or send your zip code via text message: 435748 (HELP4U) to find help near you. Read more about the HELP4U text messaging service.

The service is open 24/7, 365 days a year.

English and Spanish are available if you select the option to speak with a national representative. Currently, the 435748 (HELP4U) text messaging service is only available in English.

In 2020, the Helpline received 833,598 calls. This is a 27 percent increase from 2019, when the Helpline received a total of 656,953 calls for the year.

The referral service is free of charge. If you have no insurance or are underinsured, we will refer you to your state office, which is responsible for state-funded treatment programs. In addition, we can often refer you to facilities that charge on a sliding fee scale or accept Medicare or Medicaid. If you have health insurance, you are encouraged to contact your insurer for a list of participating health care providers and facilities.

The service is confidential. We will not ask you for any personal information. We may ask for your zip code or other pertinent geographic information in order to track calls being routed to other offices or to accurately identify the local resources appropriate to your needs.

No, we do not provide counseling. Trained information specialists answer calls, transfer callers to state services or other appropriate intake centers in their states, and connect them with local assistance and support.

  • Suggested Resources

    What Is Substance Abuse Treatment? A Booklet for Families
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    It's Not Your Fault (NACoA) (PDF | 12 KB)
    Assures teens with parents who abuse alcohol or drugs that, "It's not your fault!" and that they are not alone. Encourages teens to seek emotional support from other adults, school counselors, and youth support groups such as Alateen, and provides a resource list.

    After an Attempt: A Guide for Taking Care of Your Family Member After Treatment in the Emergency Department
    Aids family members in coping with the aftermath of a relative's suicide attempt. Describes the emergency department treatment process, lists questions to ask about follow-up treatment, and describes how to reduce risk and ensure safety at home.

    Family Therapy Can Help: For People in Recovery From Mental Illness or Addiction
    Explores the role of family therapy in recovery from mental illness or substance abuse. Explains how family therapy sessions are run and who conducts them, describes a typical session, and provides information on its effectiveness in recovery.

    For additional resources, please visit the SAMHSA Store.

Last Updated

Last Updated: 08/30/2022

Alcohol, Tobacco, and Other Drugs

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Misusing alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs can have both immediate and long-term health effects.

The misuse and abuse of alcohol, tobacco, illicit drugs, and prescription medications affect the health and well-being of millions of Americans. NSDUH estimates allow researchers, clinicians, policymakers, and the general public to better understand and improve the nation’s behavioral health. These reports and detailed tables present estimates from the 2021 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH).

Alcohol

Data:

  • Among the 133.1 million current alcohol users aged 12 or older in 2021, 60.0 million people (or 45.1%) were past month binge drinkers. The percentage of people who were past month binge drinkers was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (29.2% or 9.8 million people), followed by adults aged 26 or older (22.4% or 49.3 million people), then by adolescents aged 12 to 17 (3.8% or 995,000 people). (2021 NSDUH)
  • Among people aged 12 to 20 in 2021, 15.1% (or 5.9 million people) were past month alcohol users. Estimates of binge alcohol use and heavy alcohol use in the past month among underage people were 8.3% (or 3.2 million people) and 1.6% (or 613,000 people), respectively. (2021 NSDUH)
  • In 2020, 50.0% of people aged 12 or older (or 138.5 million people) used alcohol in the past month (i.e., current alcohol users) (2020 NSDUH)
  • Among the 138.5 million people who were current alcohol users, 61.6 million people (or 44. 4%) were classified as binge drinkers and 17.7 million people (28.8% of current binge drinkers and 12.8% of current alcohol users) were classified as heavy drinkers (2020 NSDUH)
  • The percentage of people who were past month binge alcohol users was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (31.4%) compared with 22.9% of adults aged 26 or older and 4.1% of adolescents aged 12 to 17 (2020 NSDUH)
  • Excessive alcohol use can increase a person’s risk of stroke, liver cirrhosis, alcoholic hepatitis, cancer, and other serious health conditions
  • Excessive alcohol use can also lead to risk-taking behavior, including driving while impaired. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that 29 people in the United States die in motor vehicle crashes that involve an alcohol-impaired driver daily

Programs/Initiatives:

  • STOP Underage Drinking interagency portal - Interagency Coordinating Committee on the Prevention of Underage Drinking
  • Interagency Coordinating Committee on the Prevention of Underage Drinking
  • Talk. They Hear You.
  • Underage Drinking: Myths vs. Facts
  • Talking with your College-Bound Young Adult About Alcohol

Relevant links:

  • National Association of State Alcohol and Drug Abuse Directors
  • Department of Transportation Office of Drug & Alcohol Policy & Compliance
  • Alcohol Policy Information Systems Database (APIS)
  • National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism

Tobacco

Data:

  • In 2020, 20.7% of people aged 12 or older (or 57.3 million people) used nicotine products (i.e., used tobacco products or vaped nicotine) in the past month (2020 NSDUH)
  • Among past month users of nicotine products, nearly two thirds of adolescents aged 12 to 17 (63.1%) vaped nicotine but did not use tobacco products. In contrast, 88.9% of past month nicotine product users aged 26 or older used only tobacco products (2020 NSDUH)
  • Tobacco use is the leading cause of preventable death, often leading to lung cancer, respiratory disorders, heart disease, stroke, and other serious illnesses. The CDC reports that cigarette smoking causes more than 480,000 deaths each year in the United States
  • The CDC’s Office on Smoking and Health reports that more than 16 million Americans are living with a disease caused by smoking cigarettes

Electronic cigarette (e-cigarette) use data:

  • In 2021, 13.2 million people aged 12 or older (or 4.7%) used an e-cigarette or other vaping device to vape nicotine in the past month. The percentage of people who vaped nicotine was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (14.1% or 4.7 million people), followed by adolescents aged 12 to 17 (5.2% or 1.4 million people), then by adults aged 26 or older (3.2% or 7.1 million people).
  • Among people aged 12 to 20 in 2021, 11.0% (or 4.3 million people) used tobacco products or used an e-cigarette or other vaping device to vape nicotine in the past month. Among people in this age group, 8.1% (or 3.1 million people) vaped nicotine, 5.4% (or 2.1 million people) used tobacco products, and 3. 4% (or 1.3 million people) smoked cigarettes in the past month. (2021 NSDUH)
  • Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2020 National Youth Tobacco Survey. Among both middle and high school students, current use of e-cigarettes declined from 2019 to 2020, reversing previous trends and returning current e-cigarette use to levels similar to those observed in 2018
  • E-cigarettes are not safe for youth, young adults, or pregnant women, especially because they contain nicotine and other chemicals

Resources:

  • Tips for Teens: Tobacco
  • Tips for Teens: E-cigarettes
  • Implementing Tobacco Cessation Programs in Substance Use Disorder Treatment Settings
  • Synar Amendment Program

Links:

  • Truth Initiative
  • FDA Center for Tobacco Products
  • CDC Office on Smoking and Health
  • National Institute on Drug Abuse: Tobacco, Nicotine, and E-Cigarettes
  • National Institute on Drug Abuse: E-Cigarettes

Opioids

Data:

  • Among people aged 12 or older in 2021, 3. 3% (or 9.2 million people) misused opioids (heroin or prescription pain relievers) in the past year. Among the 9.2 million people who misused opioids in the past year, 8.7 million people misused prescription pain relievers compared with 1.1 million people who used heroin. These numbers include 574,000 people who both misused prescription pain relievers and used heroin in the past year. (2021 NSDUH)
  • Among people aged 12 or older in 2020, 3.4% (or 9.5 million people) misused opioids in the past year. Among the 9.5 million people who misused opioids in the past year, 9.3 million people misused prescription pain relievers and 902,000 people used heroin (2020 NSDUH)
  • According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s Understanding the Epidemic, an average of 128 Americans die every day from an opioid overdose

Resources:

  • Medications for Substance Use Disorders
  • Opioid Overdose Prevention Toolkit
  • TIP 63: Medications for Opioid Use Disorder
  • Use of Medication-Assisted Treatment for Opioid Use Disorder in Criminal Justice Settings
  • Opioid Use Disorder and Pregnancy
  • Clinical Guidance for Treating Pregnant and Parenting Women With Opioid Use Disorder and Their Infants
  • The Facts about Buprenorphine for Treatment of Opioid Addiction
  • Pregnancy Planning for Women Being Treated for Opioid Use Disorder
  • Tips for Teens: Opioids
  • Rural Opioid Technical Assistance Grants
  • Tribal Opioid Response Grants
  • Provider’s Clinical Support System - Medication Assisted Treatment Grant Program

Links:

  • National Institute on Drug Abuse: Opioids
  • National Institute on Drug Abuse: Heroin
  • HHS Prevent Opioid Abuse
  • Community Anti-Drug Coalitions of America
  • Addiction Technology Transfer Center (ATTC) Network
  • Prevention Technology Transfer Center (PTTC) Network

Marijuana

Data:

  • In 2021, marijuana was the most commonly used illicit drug, with 18. 7% of people aged 12 or older (or 52.5 million people) using it in the past year. The percentage was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (35.4% or 11.8 million people), followed by adults aged 26 or older (17.2% or 37.9 million people), then by adolescents aged 12 to 17 (10.5% or 2.7 million people).
  • The percentage of people who used marijuana in the past year was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (34.5%) compared with 16.3% of adults aged 26 or older and 10.1% of adolescents aged 12 to 17 (2020 NSDUH)
  • Marijuana can impair judgment and distort perception in the short term and can lead to memory impairment in the long term
  • Marijuana can have significant health effects on youth and pregnant women.

Resources:

  • Know the Risks of Marijuana
  • Marijuana and Pregnancy
  • Tips for Teens: Marijuana

Relevant links:

  • National Institute on Drug Abuse: Marijuana
  • Addiction Technology Transfer Centers on Marijuana
  • CDC Marijuana and Public Health

Emerging Trends in Substance Misuse:

  • Methamphetamine—In 2019, NSDUH data show that approximately 2 million people used methamphetamine in the past year. Approximately 1 million people had a methamphetamine use disorder, which was higher than the percentage in 2016, but similar to the percentages in 2015 and 2018. The National Institute on Drug Abuse Data shows that overdose death rates involving methamphetamine have quadrupled from 2011 to 2017. Frequent meth use is associated with mood disturbances, hallucinations, and paranoia.
  • Cocaine—In 2019, NSDUH data show an estimated 5.5 million people aged 12 or older were past users of cocaine, including about 778,000 users of crack. The CDC reports that overdose deaths involving have increased by one-third from 2016 to 2017. In the short term, cocaine use can result in increased blood pressure, restlessness, and irritability. In the long term, severe medical complications of cocaine use include heart attacks, seizures, and abdominal pain.
  • Kratom—In 2019, NSDUH data show that about 825,000 people had used Kratom in the past month. Kratom is a tropical plant that grows naturally in Southeast Asia with leaves that can have psychotropic effects by affecting opioid brain receptors. It is currently unregulated and has risk of abuse and dependence. The National Institute on Drug Abuse reports that health effects of Kratom can include nausea, itching, seizures, and hallucinations.

Resources:

  • Tips for Teens: Methamphetamine
  • Tips for Teens: Cocaine
  • National Institute on Drug Abuse

More SAMHSA publications on substance use prevention and treatment.

Last Updated

Last Updated: 03/22/2023

Family roles, their distribution

All family life is initially based on the distribution of responsibilities, and it is extremely important to decide on the optimal division of them between spouses. Moreover, household duties should be distributed in accordance with the desires and capabilities of each spouse, so that their fulfillment does not turn into a heavy burden.

However, one should not forget that the modern family does not always follow the traditional rules and norms, and the practice in each couple is always individual. What matters here is what patterns of family life, the distribution of responsibilities, the spouses took out of the parental home, what they observe in familiar families. Often, developing your own family structure and distributing family responsibilities becomes a long and complicated process. At the same time, the consistency of ideas about the functional role assignment and responsibilities of each of them depends only on the spouses themselves. At the same time, it will not be superfluous for them to know what classifications of family roles are offered by domestic and foreign experts in the field of family psychology and family relations.

In particular, S. V. Kovalev singles out the system of family roles in accordance with the most important functions of the family and believes that the functional and role coherence of spouses is the basis for the stability and well-being of the marriage union. Among these roles, he includes the following:

  1. Responsible for the material support of the family. This role includes a set of responsibilities related to providing the family with the necessary level of well-being.
  2. The owner is the mistress. The implementation of this role involves the purchase of products, cooking, providing comfort, cleanliness and order, caring for clothes, etc.
  3. Responsible for maintaining family ties. This role includes participating in family rituals and ceremonies, organizing communication with relatives and facilitating the social development of family members.
  4. Organizer of a family subculture. The performance of this role is aimed at the formation of certain cultural values, various interests and hobbies among family members.
  5. Entertainment organizer . This family role was singled out relatively recently by and includes the initiation and organization of the family's life activities in the field of leisure.
  6. Family therapist . The performance of this also relatively new role involves the implementation of actions aimed at solving the personal problems of another family member. It should be noted that the completeness of this role is closely related to the overall satisfaction with marriage.
  7. Love partner . This role is associated with the manifestation of activity in the field of sexual relations.
  8. Responsible for the care of the baby. The fulfillment of this role requires providing the child with physical and mental comfort in the first year and a half of his life.
  9. . This role includes the fulfillment of duties related to the formation of the personality of an older child.

Psychologist T. S. Yatsenko, based on the results of her research, identified four main marital roles: Sexual partner, Friend, Guardian, Protector . It is these roles that are associated with the satisfaction of the most significant needs of marriage partners: sexual, the need for emotional connection and warmth in relationships, the need for protection, guardianship and household duties. The arrangement of these roles determines the nature of the marital relationship. For example, if a wife has a very strong need for emotional connection and warmth in a relationship, then the husband should act as a friend for her so that this need is satisfied. In the husband, in accordance with the peculiarities of age and the psychology of sex, sexual need may prevail in the first years of marriage. Therefore, it is desirable for the wife to act as an intimate partner as often as possible. In principle, for a normal married life, the presence of all these roles is necessary (although one of them may dominate), otherwise the marriage becomes flawed. But additional roles should be excluded from the relationship of spouses (unless their presence is agreed between them and does not cause them to protest). For example, a spouse, instead of playing the role of a friend or guardian in a difficult situation, begins to play the role of an inexperienced, defenseless child or teaching parent. In this case, his role behavior will not correspond to the role expectation of the marriage partner, which can lead to conflict and destabilization of family relations.

The American sociologist K. Kirkpatrick believes that three main types of family roles are decisive in marital relations: traditional, comradely and partner roles .

Traditional roles of on the part of the wife include bearing and raising children, creating and maintaining a home, providing household services to the family, devotedly subordinating one's own interests to those of the husband as head of the family, adapting to dependence and tolerance for the restriction of the sphere of activity. On the part of the husband, to preserve the harmony of family relations in this case, it is necessary (strictly sequentially): devotion to the mother of his children, economic security and protection of the family, maintaining family power and control, making major decisions.

The comradely role requires the wife to maintain external attractiveness, provide moral support and sexual satisfaction, maintain social contacts useful to her husband, provide interesting communication, variety of life and eliminate boredom. The role of the husband involves admiration for his wife and a chivalrous attitude towards her, reciprocal romantic love and tenderness, providing her with the means for outfits, entertainment, and spending leisure time with her.

The partner roles require both the husband and wife to make a certain economic contribution to the family budget, share responsibility for the children, participate in household chores, and share legal responsibility. From the husband it is also necessary to accept the equal status (position) of the wife and consent with her equal participation in making any decisions. From the wife - the readiness for the husband's refusal from knighthood (the spouses are equal), equal responsibility for maintaining the status of the family, and in the event of a divorce and the absence of children - the refusal of material assistance.

Consistency of not only social but also interpersonal roles is important for the stability of a marriage. If spouses begin to build their interactions only on a social-role basis, forgetting that for marriage as a union of two unique personalities, differing from each other in individual originality, the significance of interpersonal relations proper is extremely high, then this can lead to the breakdown of marriage. The fact is that such “hard” interactions (“I am a husband, you are a wife, and that says it all!”) lead to the depersonalization of relationships and cause an increasing internal “liberation” of spouses from each other and a shift in the center of gravity in relationships outside the family, where the possibilities for a wide enumeration of both social and interpersonal roles are much greater.

Psychotherapist AB Dobrovich believes that marital relations are built on the basis of a model learned by a person in childhood, in his own family. The relationship between husband and wife can fit one of the following four patterns: father-daughter, mother-son, brother-sister, friend-friend. Which model provides high scrap strength?

For some men, the model mother-son is very convenient : the wife should play the role of mother in relation to her husband. There aren't many women who happily accept this role. Model father-daughter they like much more: the husband is assigned the role of patron father. Not all men love and, I must say, not everyone can play this role. A role conflict arises - the main reason for the breakup of a married couple. Model friend - friend is obviously unsuitable for creating a family: from the very beginning it assumes the absence of clear mutual obligations. Therefore, A. B. Dobrovich believes, model brother-sister is the most acceptable in harmonious marital relations: having a quarrel with a sister (or brother), you will not part. Attachment is stronger than any resentment, and this attachment helps to find ways to reconciliation, teaches you to endure the shortcomings of another person, allows you to objectively understand complex family problems, find common ground.

When there is true love in a family, people become everything for each other, since differences always remain in the male and female warehouse of the soul, attracting one sex to the other and ensuring mutual complementation of characters. When a natural and effortless reversal of roles is accepted in the relationship of two, this makes their communication truly spiritual. The husband in such a family acts not only in the traditional role of a patron (father, older brother, mentor), but sometimes shares his hardships and failures with his wife, not ashamed to look weak, seeking and finding sympathy and approval. A wife in such a family is allowed the whole range of traditionally female roles - from a “capricious girl” to a “wise mother”. Both understand how important it is for a loved one to be fully himself, i.e. show all the facets of one's Self. In this case, the family becomes the highest value, an indispensable center of sincerity and human warmth.

Psychologist G. F. Deinega asserts that in happy, successful families, there is much more similarity between spouses in understanding their family roles if they managed to productively solve the problem of role psychosexual preferences . It is from the sphere of sexual relations that spouses subsequently transfer certain models of role behavior to other areas of family life. Every young family has to deal with subtle problems related to psychosexual or psychological interaction as significant ones. These problems are not so easy to recognize, because they always manifest themselves in the same way - this is a vague dissatisfaction with what is happening, irritation, a feeling of spiritual discomfort. Each of the spouses has a vague feeling: something in their relationship is not right, something is “wrong”.

Special studies show that many of us have an unconscious preference for certain role positions in dealing with other people. Some of us constantly claim the role of host, someone for the role of prince (the difference between the owner and the prince is significant: the prince claims special honor, reverence). There is an orientation to the role of servant or slave (a person who is completely dependent, in need of guardianship and guidance). There are people who feel comfortable mainly in the role of experimenter or observer . Someone claims the role of page, someone for the role of lover. Finally, there are orientations to the roles deceiver (rogue) and friend. Someone has a need to be in the role of child or father. To each of these male variants there are correspondences in female role preferences: there are women who prefer to be mistresses, princesses, servants, experimenters, mistresses, swindlers, mothers or daughters of .

GF Deinega believes that many of us want to behave in accordance with one of the listed roles. If a person wants to be perceived or accepted in a particular role, he accordingly builds his behavior with the people around him. Claiming for the role prince , he not only expects but also demands respect from others, for the role master - obedience, for the role experimenter - unquestioning obedience, etc. It is clear that a huge number of conflicts will arise precisely when both spouses claim not for complementary, but for mutually exclusive roles.

So, the prince and the princess constantly quarrel (the princess and the servant find a common language), they hardly understand each other and two people constantly quarrel, one of whom would like to be a friend, and the second - a child, father, mother, mistress, etc. d. All this is a reality that is difficult to analyze, because a person cannot always accurately determine and formulate for himself his role preferences. But when he realizes and understands them, he immediately begins to catch what he lacks in the behavior of his spouse. And what he lacks is precisely the addition - that they recognize his superiority, if he claims it, that they recognize the right to whims, if he considers himself an internal child, that he recognizes the right to make reprimands, remarks and reproaches (if he claims as a parent, father, mother).

Any of the social or interpersonal roles is assimilated by a person in childhood among peers and in his own family. This role becomes a habit, a basic demeanor. Unfortunately, having become accustomed to a certain role and behavior, a young spouse often does not take into account the peculiarities of the family situation and the personal-role position of his marriage partner. Therefore, it is very important to correctly realize the appropriateness of the role that each of the spouses chooses, its relevance to the situation and consistency with each other's preferences.

The Czech psychotherapist S. Kratochvil, on the basis of numerous data from his practical experience, came to the conclusion that the role behavior of spouses in the family, especially in the initial period of its formation, is associated with an unconscious tendency to repeat the family model of their parents . This can have a significant impact on the relationship between young spouses, whether the two models are the same or different. At the same time, each of the marriage partners learns their marital role on the basis of identifying themselves with a parent of the same sex, supplementing this role with their own ideas about the role of a parent of the opposite sex. Forms of parental relationships act as a kind of standard for young spouses, with which they compare their roles in their own family. In the early stages of a marriage, it is not uncommon for one of the spouses to be compliant for the sake of their marriage partner out of a desire to adapt to him (primary adaptation). However, over time, a return to the previous program of behavior is possible, which does not meet the role expectations of the second spouse, the repetition of the mistakes and problems of their parents, which can adversely affect the stability of the marriage, lead to the creation of conditions for conflict.

Substantiating his hypothesis that the model of the parental family influences the model of the family that their children subsequently create, S. Kratochvil notes that in the marriage of partners from families representing clearly opposite models, there is a constant struggle for power (or it is noted misbehavior). The probability of a harmonious union is the higher, the closer the models of families from which the spouses come. In addition, for a stable marriage, it is of no small importance to what extent it repeats position, which each of the spouses held among their brothers and sisters . It is on this that the ability to identify and complementarity (mutual complementarity) in marital relations depends, it is easier to transfer the ties that existed in the parental family between brothers and sisters to their partner in marriage. This connection is the stronger and more lasting, the more the relationship of both partners resembles their position in the parents' family (this rule has been called the "theory of duplicates").

The role played by each of the spouses in the family of origin can be characterized by their position (order, gender) among brothers and sisters. For example, an older brother from one family may identify with a similar role as a person from another family. However, interaction and cooperation are most easily achieved in communication with a partner who occupied a complementary position. In particular, an older brother who had a younger sister can create an exceptionally stable alliance with a wife who also had an older brother. With complementary roles, partners can create a stable, collaborative model. Each of them in the parental family was already in a similar constellation, which makes it easier for them to cooperate. Similarly, a younger brother who had an older sister expects his wife to take care of him, protect him, look after him. A wife who had a younger brother in her parental family will also show a similar attitude towards her husband, maintaining her previous behavior; the union will be stable and harmonious.

Thus, a complementary marriage can be viewed as such a union in which each of the young spouses occupies the same position as he had in relation to brothers or sisters in the parental family. A husband, for example, in childhood learned well the role of the elder brother of two sisters; consequently, he has learned how to treat girls, feels responsible for them, protects them and helps them. If his wife had an older brother (or brothers), then she easily adapts to her husband, accepts his protection, responsibility for her, and succumbs to his influence. The roles of both spouses complement each other. A similar complementary marriage is the marriage of a man who had an older sister (or sisters) in the parental family with a wife who had a younger brother (or brothers). In this case, you should expect the wife to take care of all the care and guidance of the family.

At the same time, disagreements may arise between spouses on the basis of headship and gender if their family roles according to the model of brother and sister turn out to be non-complementary. An example of such disagreements is a marital union in which the husband was the eldest among the brothers in the parental family, and the wife had only younger sisters. Both spouses will claim the dominant role; each of them had only brothers or only sisters, and they were not accustomed to living with a peer of the opposite sex.

A similar situation occurs when a man who had only older brothers marries a girl who was the youngest among the sisters. Both spouses prefer to be dependent, do not strive for supremacy, do not want to take responsibility for the other. However, they do not know how to deal with peers of the opposite sex.

Persons who are not accustomed to contacts with peers in the parental family are more likely to look for traits of their father (or mother) in their partner. The best prognosis for such individuals is marriage to a partner who had a younger brother or sister (for example, a husband who was an only child and a wife who had a younger brother). Marriages in which each of the spouses was the only child in the family have the worst prognosis.

Role behavior in marriage will also largely depend on whether partner combinations are congruent (combined, coincide), correspond to each other's ideas and expectations. In this case, the partners get to know each other more easily and reach mutual understanding faster. At the same time, the congruence of family roles can be combined with their complementarity . In accordance with this provision, the following classification of role behavior and role expectations of spouses was proposed.

  1. Equality partner : Expects equal rights and equal responsibilities.
  2. Romantic partner : Expects spiritual agreement, wants to create strong bonds of love, sentimental symbols are essential to him: he feels deceived when a partner refuses to play these romantic games with him.
  3. Rational partner : monitors the manifestation of emotions, strictly observes rights and obligations; he is responsible and sober in his assessments. Adapts well to life, despite the fact that the partner does not behave in the same way. May be mistaken about the experiences of his partner.
  4. Partner : wants to be a partner and is looking for the same companion with whom he could share everyday worries, live life. Does not pretend to romantic love and accepts the usual hardships of family life as inevitable duties.
  5. Independent partner : maintains a certain distance from his partner in marriage. Strives to avoid excessive intimacy in relationships and wants the partner to respect these requirements of his.

Some of the partnership combinations are quite congruent. For example, an independent partner marries an equally independent or rational partner. Other spouses can build their relationship on the principle of complementarity, as, in particular, the “parental” partner with the “children”. For others, conflicts are inherent in the marriage union (for example, a romantic partner with a spouse claiming independence).

Along with the desire to coordinate one's behavior with the role expectations of a marriage partner in family life, it is very important not to forget about one's own desires and attitudes. Often one of the spouses (in most cases, the wife) sacrifices himself to the other, completely and completely refusing even an attempt to declare his independence. And then it turns out that he even allows a life goal for himself to be set by another: “I try to fulfill what my husband wants.” The main thing in family life is the desire to guess and fulfill the desires and intentions of your marriage partner. At the same time, no initiative is shown for its own sake and, obviously, without any reason, one's own desires and needs are relegated to the background. This courtesy, the silence of one's needs sometimes leads not only to misunderstandings, but also to a one-sided distribution of roles, which over time will be perceived as a burden and enslavement. Then relations of domination and subordination arise, which, perhaps, in certain life circumstances, will result in an acute marital conflict.

So, functional-role positions (behavior) of young spouses largely depend on what model of marriage union they intend to create, taking into account personal attitudes, their ideas about the role of each of them in the family union. The strength and stability of the family in the future will depend on the coincidence of their role expectations and the corresponding features of the role behavior of the marriage partner. Therefore, it is important to know what types of family roles exist in a modern family in order to reasonably approach their coordinated choice within the framework of intra-family and extra-family behavior. After all, it is this aspect of family and marriage relations that can have a significant impact not only on the adaptation of young spouses to the conditions of living together, but also on the solution of many family problems, the family atmosphere as a whole at subsequent stages of the family life cycle.

How destructive roles manifest themselves in the family of addicts

Article author Agibalova Tatyana Vasilievna

Psychiatrist-narcologist, Doctor of Medical Sciences, Professor Experience 19 years More about the doctor

Savior

A person who is constantly trying to "save" a chemical addict. The list of his actions includes: paying his debts at his own expense, cleaning and cooking, helping an alcoholic or drug addict with a job, getting an education. A savior is also one who constantly suppresses his feelings, such as anger, fear, or shame.

Hero

Family member who strives for super achievements. He craves perfectionism in everything - both in the family and outside the home. Often takes on overwhelming responsibility, also helps other family members more than is required. This role is very difficult to maintain and often ends in a breakdown.

Scapegoat

Most often, this is a child who has caved in to the family system and is trying to survive in a chaotic and ever-changing environment. He shows hidden anger through acts of a rebellious nature, such as skipping school, getting into fights, or even getting in trouble with the law.

Idol

This is another role that may also belong to the child. Instead of breaking the rules, the idol displays good behavior by being the object of adoration from other family members. He seeks to maintain balance in relationships by pleasing others.

Outcast

This character is most susceptible to apathy; most often, it is also a child, forgotten and detached. He may be severely lacking in social communication skills and is almost always alone. In this way, he also protects himself from destructive environments.

Dependent

Dependent, like other family members, can change their behavior and take on different roles. The behavior of others and the roles they take often influence how the addict behaves. Deep inside himself, he may experience feelings of remorse and guilt, which only increase if others put pressure on him. Shame often turns into guilt or aggression.

Why is it important to know about family roles?

Having recognized certain behavioral traits in yourself in time, you can correct your behavior. We can often act in a certain way without even knowing the reasons for our actions. And since these roles are mechanisms for coping with an unfavorable family environment, they often bring us more heartache than help.

More importantly, you need to be aware of the roles that younger family members are taking on. After all, such behavioral patterns in children can lead to violations in the process of personality formation, and also significantly affect their ability to build their own relationships in the future.

Research shows that families with addiction can benefit greatly from psychotherapy. It can be very difficult for a parent to understand what to do in this situation, especially if the parent himself is psychologically included in the dependence of his spouse. One strategy might be to visit a therapist on your own. Through the process of discussing your feelings and actions, you will be able to identify the roles you have taken and break this vicious circle, as well as help other family members.

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Baynovsky Dmitry Leonidovich

Psychologist, Psychotherapist

Experience 20 years

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Attaeva Leyla Zhamalovna

Attaeva Leyla Zhamalovna

Experience 18 years

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Artemov Alexander Pavlovich

Psychiatrist

Experience 40 years

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Agibalova Tatyana Vasilievna

Psychiatrist-narcologist, Doctor of Medical Sciences, Professor

Experience 19 years

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Yakovenko Alexander Albertovich

Resuscitator

Experience 9 years

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Panarin Alexander Sergeevich

Doctor Narcologist, Psychiatrist, Psychotherapist

Experience 17 years

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Dendenkov Yury Yuryevich

Psychiatrist, Rehabilitologist

Experience 15 years

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Korenev Sergey Yurievich

Narcologist, Psychiatrist, Psychotherapist

Experience 27 years

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Testimonials from our patients

Andrey Sergeevich Pavlov

Patient treatment period – 3 months

My name is Andrey Sergeyevich Pavlov. For several years he drank relentlessly, lost his job, had thoughts of suicide. Realizing that it was impossible to continue living like this, he turned to the Respect Alcoholism Center. It was here that I was able to get rid of cravings for alcohol. Polite and competent doctors, as well as the treatment system, helped me return to a normal life. 4 years have passed, and I have not even drunk a drop of alcohol, and I am not at all attracted to him! Thanks to the doctors of the clinic "Respect".

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Igor V. Smirnov

Patient treatment period – 5 months

Hello! I am Igor Valentinovich Smirnov. He turned to various clinics for help in the treatment of addiction to alcohol, but all without much success. I could not overcome the craving for a bottle until I was advised by a friend who had undergone treatment at the Respect clinic. Made an appointment. I was struck by the attitude towards patients. Attentive doctors and staff, comfortable conditions, like at home, you feel relaxed. Several specialists worked with me at once, and after a week I felt that there were improvements, and when the course ended, it was as if a new life began for me. For three years I have been looking at alcohol with indifference, I go in for sports, I have established relationships in the family. I am grateful to the Respect center for saving my life from the alcohol hell!

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Anonymous

Patient treatment period – 4 months

I would like to express my gratitude to the doctors of the Respekt Alcoholism Center. They literally dragged me out of the world. Last year I drank heavily, and everything went topsy-turvy. Went to therapy sessions, but all in vain. I found the address of the Respect clinic on the net, read reviews and information about the center. I signed up for an appointment, where they immediately offered a treatment method that allows me to remove not only withdrawal symptoms, but also mental dependence. I won’t tell for a long time, I’ll say one thing - I came out of there a different person, and forgot about what the taste of alcohol is forever. And don't hesitate to try! Real healers of souls work there!

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Karpova Valentina Petrovna

Patient treatment period – 3 weeks

I could spend several days in an alcoholic frenzy. My husband didn’t do anything: he cursed, drove me to grandmothers - everything was useless. I don't remember a single sober day in my life. But I haven't drunk for a year now. And the specialists of the Respect clinic helped me in this. I thank you from the bottom of my heart! You saved me!!!

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Zavyalov Igor Sergeevich

Patient treatment period – 4 months

I am an alcoholic with over 25 years of experience. My wife turned to the Respect clinic when I needed emergency care. At that time, my last binge lasted more than a week. The doctors helped me and, one might say, pulled me out of the other world. I haven't had a drink in about six months now. Thank you for giving me new life!

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Shmakova Larisa Mikhailovna

Patient treatment period – 3 months

After a difficult divorce, my son began to drown his resentment and grief with alcohol. Hid from me. But I'm a mother, you can't fool me. And then came the emergency. A friend advised me to the Respect VIP clinic. They are great! They took my son out of another binge, after which he has not been drinking at all for more than a year.

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Ruban Dmitry Mikhailovich

Patient treatment period – 1 day

Ruban Dmitry Mikhailovich: it is very difficult to remember your addiction every time. A feeling of guilt rolls over to my family, relatives, on whose initiative I ended up in the Respect rehabilitation center, for which I am very grateful to them. It was scary, but the competent specialists of the center did a great job, picked up the best coding method and before that psychologically prepared for the procedure. I have been clean for 1 year 4 months and 3 days. Thanks

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Lapshina Elena Nikolaevna

Patient treatment period – 1 day

Lapshina Elena Nikolaevna: When you suffer from alcoholism, you not only can't live, you can't even imagine that there is some sense and interest in existence without alcohol. And every dependent person will understand me well. Now I can not only live without alcohol, I can be happy, feel joy and interest. Hypnosis coding helped me. I have not been drinking for about a year and after some time I plan to repeat the procedure

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Nechaev Dmitry Ivanovich

Patient treatment period – 1 day

Nechaev Dmitry Ivanovich: I am an alcoholic with great experience and I have already given up hope in the endless search for an effective method. It was coded and more than once in times in various clinics. In the Respect center, they found an individual approach to me, thanks to which I have been able to abstain for about six months. In this case, the treatment continues. I regularly go to psychotherapy sessions.

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Kuznetsova Nadezhda Mikhailovna

Patient treatment period – 3 months

I would like to express my gratitude to the entire staff of the Respect Psychiatric Center for their sensitive and attentive attitude towards me, they helped me get out of the deepest depressive state, thanks to them for their professionalism. My mental state has improved and I feel great. All my relatives, friends and acquaintances were surprised by my good results!

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Ionov Vladimir Vladimirovich

Patient treatment period – 1 month

Hello, I would like to share my opinion about the excellent psychiatric center “Respect”.

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