Questions psychologists ask their patients

Therapy Questions Every Therapist Should Be Asking

Healing conversations are an art form in peril of being lost to our busy lives.

The ultimate goal of talk therapy is to enable the process of psychological and emotional healing along the continuum from the problematic toward a sense of greater mental wellbeing.

Although we often come to therapy with a problem, we also come as people who want to be heard and understood, feel like we matter, wish to learn self-compassion, and want to find partnership in helping us heal and see ourselves and our life situation in a different light.

I would rather have questions that can’t be answered than answers that can’t be questioned.

Richard Feynman

Progress in a therapeutic relationship cannot be made unless the client feels safe to speak their mind, and it is on the practitioner to create that climate of openness and transparency.

The process also often requires the clinician’s willingness to work diligently to help clients understand what they want, the patience to help them learn to own all aspects of themselves, including contradictory feelings, and the ability to create a safe space to allow for transformation to occur.

Most of what happens in talk therapy is accomplished through the skillful use of questions, but only second to a lot of active listening.

This article surveys different approaches to asking therapeutic questions meant for both practitioners and their clients and gives examples of how the quality of questions we ask can improve our lives. For more common therapy questions, see our related post: Classic Therapy Questions Therapists Tend to Ask.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive CBT Exercises for free. These science-based exercises will provide you with detailed insight into Positive CBT and give you the tools to apply it in your therapy or coaching.

This Article Contains:

7 Questions Designed for the First Therapy Session
Therapy Intake Questions to Ask Patients
15 Useful Therapy Questions to Ask Yourself
20 Couples Therapy Questions Designed to Improve Relationships
30 Family Therapy Assessment Questions
The Family Therapy Questions Game
Therapeutic Questions for Youth
15 Therapeutic Questions for Group Therapy Discussions
A Take-Home Message
References

7 Questions Designed for the First Therapy Session

The first therapy session must focus on relationship building and creating rapport, which are necessary to establish an effective foundation for a practitioner–client relationship, often referred to as the therapeutic alliance. The outcomes of therapy are heavily dependent on the quality of this relationship (Lambert & Barley, 2001).

Ideally, the first therapy session should be a form of positive inception so the practitioner can set the stage for future interactions. Carl Rogers (1961) used to say that the therapist must create an environment where everyone can be themselves.

Courage doesn’t happen when you have all the answers. It happens when you are ready to face the questions you have been avoiding your whole life.

Shannon L. Alder

The very first question in therapy is usually about the presenting problem or the chief complaint for which the client comes to therapy, often followed by an exploration of the client’s past experience with therapy, if any, and their expectations of future outcomes of therapy.

1. What brings you here today?

For clients who need encouragement to open up, it may be helpful to remark on their bravery in seeking therapy.

For those who are at the other extreme and go into a lengthy and detailed explanation of their issues, perhaps having been in therapy before, it is best to listen empathically first before complimenting them on how well they appear to know themselves and how they have thought a lot about what they would like to talk about in therapy.

2. Have you ever seen a counselor before?

For those who are in therapy for the first time, observing how comfortable and confident they are in talking about the challenges in their life can help set the stage for further disclosure.

It may be helpful to set some expectation of what is going to happen in the therapeutic process by explaining how asking questions is at the core of the process and reassuring the client that they should feel free to interrupt at any time and to steer the conversation to where they need it to go.

If the client has seen a counselor before, it can prove very valuable to inquire further about their previous experience in therapy by asking about frequency, duration, and issues discussed during their previous engagements, as well as one thing they remember most that a former counselor told them.

An important aspect for gauging clients’ engagement in the process of therapy is asking them about what went right or didn’t turn out the way they would have liked in their previous therapeutic engagement, as this can point to where they place the sense of responsibility for their situation.

Inquiring if the client achieved the results they sought and if they have been successful in maintaining them outside of the therapeutic relationship can also provide valuable insight into their motivation for change.

3. What do you expect from the counseling process?

Establishing a mutual agreement and setting expectations for the engagement is crucial to making progress. Clients’ goals and preferences for the format and level of interaction need to be taken into consideration.

Some clients like to vent and have the counselor listen; others want a high level of interaction and a spirited back-and-forth. It is also important to inquire how the client learns best and if they like to receive homework.

Other examples of questions that can point to the tone and flow of future communications can include the following:

How many meetings do you think it will take to achieve your goals?
How might you undermine achieving your own goals?
How do you feel about using good advice to grow from?
How will we know when we have been successful in achieving your goals for therapy?

Therapy Intake Questions to Ask Patients

Levy et al. (2018) analyzed records from healthcare providers and found that:

45.7% of adults avoided telling their providers that they disagreed with their care recommendations.
81.8% of adults withheld information because they didn’t want to be lectured or judged.

Many aspects of clients’ lives can influence their engagement and progress in therapy.

Indeed, questions about preexisting medical conditions, current and past treatments, medications, and family history are essential to the effective assessment of needs and the successful provision of therapeutic treatment. Therefore, having a clear picture of these details is a critical part of the initial intake process.

In order to gather this information securely and efficiently, therapists are increasingly drawing on digital technologies. For instance, using a blended care platform such as Quenza (pictured here), therapists can design and distribute standardized sets of intake materials, such as forms and agreements, that clients can complete on their own devices and at a time that suits them.

The benefits of providing intake forms digitally is that they can facilitate better documentation and record keeping for practitioners. Additionally, and unlike paper forms, they can be programmed to ensure no critical questions are accidentally missed.

It is important to note that while most therapists do not prescribe medication, many often partner with other medical professionals by making recommendations, particularly in instances when clients have been referred for therapy.

An intake form is attached and can be a useful guide for some of the issues that may require further exploration.

15 Useful Therapy Questions to Ask Yourself

We get into thinking ruts and routines and often function on autopilot without giving much consideration to the way we go about our day or spend our time and energy.

We can break this mindless cycle by asking meaningful questions of ourselves and reflecting deeply on our thoughts, emotions, and behavior. Many self-help therapy books have popularized a way of doing just that.

One such approach can be found in vastly popular notebooks that provide inspirational therapy quotes or reflective writing prompts that get our cognitive wheels spinning.

The most important questions in life can never be answered by anyone except oneself.

John Fowles, The Magus

Another important form of self-inquiry is to ask yourself questions that we can’t answer honestly in the presence of anyone else, probing and burning questions that we can often only answer for ourselves. They may require some reflection, examination of values, and perhaps writing, if only to organize our thoughts.

Here is a list of important questions we should revisit periodically:

Assessing our life satisfaction – Tools like the Wheel of Life (accessible via the linked post) or one of the many Happiness Assessments are a great place to start.
Exploring meaning in our lives – Our masterclass in Meaning and Valued Living is a great place to start.
Defining our values – value exploration exercises
Finding character strengths – VIA Strengths Assessment
Visualizing goals – SMART goal setting, tracking how we invest our time with experience sampling method or Miracle Question (included below)
Cultivating gratitude – Three good things exercise
Practicing forgiveness – Empty chair technique (included below)
Making bucket lists

Other useful questions are those that we can use to motivate ourselves. For example, appreciative inquiry questions focus on strengths and the propelling power our past successes can have on self-efficacy and motivation toward goal pursuit.

Here are a few examples of questions and prompts based on appreciative inquiry:

Think back through your career. Locate a moment that was a high point, when you felt most productive and engaged. Describe how you felt and what made the situation possible.
Without being humble, describe what you value most about yourself and your work.
Describe your three concrete wishes for your future.
Describe the most energizing moment, a real “high” from your professional life. What made it happen?
How do you stay professionally affirmed, renewed, enthusiastic, and inspired?

Sometimes, self-therapy can feel like chasing our tail, particularly for those who already live in their heads a bit too much and may feel a bit stuck.

The most important questions to ask ourselves at this point are those that allow us to evaluate whether we should be reaching for help and if our situation warrants considering therapy.

Have I struggled to be myself lately?

Has daily life felt harder lately?
Do I have a confidante who I can trust to be impartial?
Is there a big choice in my life I have been struggling with?
Is my worry increasing, and are my thoughts less logical?
Have I lost interest in things I used to love lately?
Have friends been avoiding me or saying they have been worried about me?
Am I just not bouncing back from something?
Do I have a habit that I keep secret from others that causes me ongoing shame and life problems?
Do I spend most of my time feeling worthless compared to others?

20 Couples Therapy Questions Designed to Improve Relationships

Dr. John Gottman, an expert marriage therapist who has observed couples for over 40 years, tells us that we have a very high chance for miscommunication in close relationships (Gottman & Silver, 2015).

How do we cope with those unfavorable odds? Through acceptance, the practice of active listening, and the realization that relational conflict is an opportunity for growth.

Lack of acceptance is often an important component of relationship gridlock, as it causes both people to feel criticized or rejected (Gottman & Silver, 2015). There are always two points of view, both valid and right, from within each perception.

The need to be right prevents us from actively listening to each other. Communicating fundamental acceptance instead of rejection of the other person’s personality is therefore basic to all effective problem solving.

Active listening requires practice and comes down to moving from self-informed certainty to curiosity about the other person. It helps to adopt an “and stance,” where both stories are valid, the world is complex, both partners can get angry, both contribute to the situation, and both are doing their best.

Couples can improve their odds of having a productive talk by (Gottman & Silver, 2015):

Finding things in common (Gottman and Silver recommend having good Love Maps of each other)
Getting to know each other’s flexible and inflexible areas for negotiations
Offering to help meet the core needs of another person
If gridlock seems unavoidable, figuring out if we need a temporary compromise

What often happens in couples therapy is an equivalent of the two people getting to know each other in a different way, improving communications, and learning that conflict can be an opportunity for growth.

Some of the most common questions explored in couples therapy include:

Why choose today?
How did you decide to come to therapy?
What brought you together in the first place?
How does your relationship affect your levels of joy?
What do you wish your partner would do more?
How do you cultivate trust in your relationship?
Describe your level of satisfaction with intimacy in your relationship.
How would you rate your communication skills: negative, neutral, or positive?
What positive relationship rules do you follow?
In the recent past, what did you do when your partner disappointed you?
How much can you recall about what your partner did last week?
How would you describe your other relationships, like those with family and friends?
What family conflicts have you been embroiled in recently?
What relationship have you been in that you judged to be a failure?
Who do you call upon when your heart is hurting?
What is your most significant vulnerability or Achilles heel in relationships?
What is your relationship forecast for both now and in the future?
What counseling questions do you hope aren’t asked?

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30 Family Therapy Assessment Questions

Some of the most important relationships in our lives can be both a source of happiness and the greatest struggle at the same time. The closest people in our lives influence in no small degree who we become as a person and shape our view of the world around us in significant ways we often underestimate.

Some approaches to family therapy employ systemic interpretations; for example, depression may be viewed as a symptom of a problem in the larger family.

When a family seeks counseling, the questions focus on the relationship’s dynamics, everyone’s met and unmet needs, and goals for the relationships. Assessing these factors, while it may seem complicated at first, is nevertheless worth the time.

Dysfunctional communication patterns within the family can be identified and corrected through teaching family members how to listen, ask questions, and respond non-defensively.

The genogram is one such tool used in family therapy. It’s mostly a family tree that provides a visual representation of three to four generations and explores how patterns or themes within families influence their current behavior and identifies whether relationships in the family have been close, distant, or ridden with conflicts.

It asks about values, beliefs, traditions, characteristics, and habits of family members, including health issues, alcohol and drug use, physical and mental health, violence, crime and trouble with the law, employment, and education. See Simple Guide to Genograms.

Some of the questions about relationships between family members include:

Who are you closest to?
What is/was your relationship like with… ?
How often do you see… ?
Where does … live now?
Is there anyone here that you really don’t get along with?
Is there anyone else who is very close in the family? Or who really don’t get along?

When exploring patterns and themes, good questions are:

Who are you most like?
What is … like? Who else is like them?
Did anyone else leave home early?
Is anyone else interested in art/science/etc.?

The following questions may also help explore the family background and family dynamics:

Who is important to you in your life? Why are these particular people important?
Who provides the most support in your life?
How have members of your family reacted to the problems that you are currently experiencing?
Are members of your extended family aware of what you have been experiencing?
What was it like growing up in your family?
Perhaps you could talk about some of the memories, both good and not so good.
What is it like for you right now living in your family?
How do you think your family might describe you? What qualities or strengths might they say you have?
Are there members of your extended family who you feel close to or feel that you have something in common with?
Did you feel safe in your family?
How does your family handle disagreements?
Is it okay to express your emotions in your family? To feel happy, sad, frustrated, angry, content, etc.?
Tell me about your different family members and how they express their emotions.
Were there times when you were worried about any of your family members? Why were you worried? How were these concerns handled?
What qualities do you bring to your family that are special or unique?
Were there any special activities that you did together?
Did your family mix with other families?
What other information would you like me to know about your family that will be helpful during our time together?

The Family Therapy Questions Game

One of the most effective ways to address family dynamics, particularly when it involves children, is by playing games. It removes the formality and allows for interaction to unfold in a nonthreatening way that often brings out the best in all participants.

While it is fun for the children, it also allows the adults to regress for a moment and get down to the level of being playful and spontaneous. In the end, we find out that we don’t know as much as we thought we did about the most important people in our lives.

The family conversation starters below can be used in a family therapy session as well as at home. They can and should be personalized in a way that is age appropriate and has a specific goal in mind: to bring family members together, help them communicate effectively, express their emotions, or move toward constructive problem solving.

Another great activity known as ‘What will they say?‘ encourages family members to guess what another family member will say in response to a question (Lowenstein, 2010).

It allows family members not only to get to know each other better, but also to develop skills in asking each other questions, understanding that there are things that are similar between family members and things that are different. Finally, it helps make the point that family members, especially parents, may not know as much about each other as they think they do.

Create at least 20 questions, such as:

What is your favorite color?
What is your favorite dessert?
Who do you think gets angry the most in the family?
Who cries the most in the family?
Who laughs the most in the family?
Who watches TV the most in the family?
Who gives the most support to you?
Who gives Mom/Dad the most support?
What would the family member on your left like to get for their birthday?
Who is the best at following the rules?
Who sets the most rules?

To use these games effectively, it helps to make sure the questions connect to a family goal. The game can move reasonably quickly, giving everyone a turn and ending the session on a high note. Finally, many existing games, especially games and activities the family is already familiar with, can be adapted to provide an opportunity for a meaningful conversation.

Therapeutic Questions for Youth

There is no time more ridden with unanswered questions and throbbing with urgency as in our youth.

As teens grapple with discovering their identities and setting directions for their lives, it is an excellent opportunity to set standards for a self-reflective and inquisitive mind that is open to honest discussions and not afraid to ask questions.

As the saying goes, if we ask good questions, we get better answers. Below is a list of questions most frequently used in therapy with pre-teens to young adults and that anyone might find interesting.

What is the best compliment you have received?
In your opinion, what is the best song ever written?
If you could know one thing about the future, what would it be?
What is something you feel nervous about right now?
What is your happiest memory?
What is something that you did that you are proud of?
If someone’s underwear were showing, would you tell them?
I get mad when…
What calms you down when you get angry or upset?
What is your favorite animal and why?
My favorite sound is…
What is your favorite green thing?
If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?
If your house was burning down, what one item would you grab and why?
Name two anger management techniques.
Name two positive values.
Name two ways you can show self-control in the school setting.
What would be the title of your autobiography?
Do you think people talk differently online than they do in person? Why?
What is one item you can’t live without?
What would you do if you were hungry and a lunchbox was left open and unattended?
What is better, giving your money or giving your time?
If you could add, change, or cancel one rule in your school, what would it be?
What does “habit” mean, and why is it hard to change?
Who do you trust the most and why?
Where do you feel the safest and why?
If you could change one rule that your family has, what would it be and why?
What is one word you would use to describe your family and why?
How do you think others view you and why?
If you could travel back in time to years ago and visit your younger self, what advice would you give yourself?
What five words best describe you?
If you could make one rule that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be and why?
What does respect mean to you? Give an example.
What do you like the most about yourself?
If you could give one gift to every child in the world, what would it be and why?
What do you think is the most important job in the world? Why?
Tell us about a time when you felt sad. What helped get you through it?
What is the first symptom you notice when you feel mad?
Give two examples of acts of kindness.
Who is someone you consider a real-life hero and why?
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Who do you wish you had a better relationship with, and what would make it better?
Share a time where you sought attention in an appropriate way. And in a negative way?
Choose one person in this room and compliment them.
Give two examples of communication with a teacher who accuses you of something you didn’t do.
Talk about a time when you witnessed someone being teased. What effect did the teasing have on that person?

One assessment tool that is particularly useful in work with young people with complex needs is the ecomap. It is a visual representation of current family relationships and also community and social networks where clients are encouraged to identify whether their relationships with their peers, school, social clubs, professionals, are strong, weak, or stressful. See these templates.

15 Therapeutic Questions for Group Therapy Discussions

Group therapy serves two distinct goals. While it addresses exploration of issues very much in the same way that individual therapy does, it also serves the purpose of finding ourselves in the environment where we feel less isolated from other people because many of those in the room share similar struggles.

Just as in individual therapy, clients often enact the same tendencies they bring to all their other relationships, and the client interaction within a group can often be a good reflection of how they show up in the relationships with other people in their lives (Yalom, 1983).

While the therapist is trained in delivering structure for the discussion and guiding the questions, the biggest benefit lies in the exchange between participants. Leaders within the group are usually appointed and tasked with looking for commonalities among members and encouraging everyone to be supportive of each other.

Most group therapies are done in a round-robin discussion format. Rules of conduct are established and adhered to, roles assigned for leaders of the group, and the room set up usually in a circle to encourage collaboration and everyone having a voice. Questions used in group therapy often focus on very much the same themes as individual therapy and include the reasons for being there and the expectations for the future.

Let’s start by spending a few minutes talking about the benefits of group therapy and what positive psychology groups are about.
Let’s go around and have each member tell us what you expect to get out of the group
Where else might you have been at this moment if you hadn’t come to this group session today?
What might you have chosen to do?
Is it your own decision to come here, or did someone else encourage you to do so?
How do you feel about coming here each week?
What do you like best about this session?
Is there something you don’t enjoy about this group session?
Are you particularly looking forward to anything?

Depending on the purpose of the group, be it anger management, bereavement, substance abuse, etc. , the content and the topics of discussion may vary. Although in a typical session, several topics and questions are provided, group leaders need not ask all questions or address all topics; instead, questions and topics should be selected as they relate to what is happening in the group. Some general questions could include:

What brought each of you into the group?
Tell us two or three words that best describe you.
Now, thinking about those words, how do they relate to why you are here?
What is your favorite thing about yourself, something that makes you feel positive and proud to be you?
Is there something new that has happened in your life recently?

Homework assignments and progress logs can be used between sessions, and educational material and handouts may be distributed. Many sessions start with reviews of progress and end with a recap of the activities.

A Take-Home Message

The value of deep, probing questions need not be reserved for the therapy session. There is no reason why we can’t have more of these healing conversations in our lives, but it is both an art and science and requires some practice. We can all get better at asking questions we want answers to, and applying the therapeutic approach to the process of self-discovery can prove a worthwhile endeavor.

The scientist is not a person who gives the right answers, he’s one who asks the right questions.

Claude Levi-Strauss

What questions do you think are important to ask, in therapy or not?

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. For more information, don’t forget to download our three Positive CBT Exercises for free.

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert. Harmony.
Lambert, M., & Barley, D. E. (2001). Research summary on the therapeutic relationship and psychotherapy outcome. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 38(4), 357–361.
Levy, A. G., Scherer, A. M., Zikmund-Fisher, B. J., Larkin, K., Barnes, G. D., & Fagerlin, A. (2018). Prevalence of and factors associated with patient nondisclosure of medically relevant information to clinicians. JAMA Network Open, 1(7).
Lowenstein, L. (2010). Creative family therapy techniques: Play, art, and expressive activities to engage children in family sessions. Champion Press.
Rogers, C. (1961). On becoming a person: A therapist’s view of psychotherapy.
Yalom, I. D. (1983). Inpatient group psychotherapy. Basic Books.

What Questions Should You Ask Your Patients During A Therapy Session?

One of the biggest challenges facing therapists, whether it be for in-person or online therapy, is getting their clients to open up. Despite their years of training, sometimes a mental health professional can have a hard time coming up with enough unique questions to keep the conversation flowing. If your patients have been reluctant to speak openly, consider posing some of these questions during your next therapy session in order to help them feel more at ease and talk more freely about whatever’s on their mind or heart. You might be surprised by what you learn!

Basic Guidelines for Questions in Therapy

Before we dive into the questions, there are a few guidelines to keep in mind. The first is to stick with open-ended questions whenever possible. As you’re talking with your patients, it’s important to avoid asking questions that can only be answered with yes or no. Simple yes or no questions lead to superficial answers with little depth or reflection required. Instead, ask open-ended questions that require a longer, more thoughtful response.

You should also try using follow-up questions and statements to further prompt your patients. For example, you could say, “Can you tell me more about that?” or “That's interesting, tell me more.” Using these kinds of phrases will encourage your patients to speak openly and honestly, which is important for addressing concerns in therapy.

Also, avoid coming across as confrontational when asking your patients questions. Repeated questioning may make them feel threatened or have anxiety about how you'll react if they share something personal—and then they might clam up and stop sharing anything at all. It can take time before a patient opens up during a session, so give people time to warm up before hitting them with big questions.

Before you begin your first session, it is important to note that if a patient is concerned about payments, you should consider starting sliding scale fee therapy. You must be aware of the negative effects this could cause though because it could lead to therapist burnout. Also, if you are wondering how much therapists make in sliding scale therapy work, the average cost per session will vary.

Therapy Questions to Ask in the First Session

Below, you’ll find a list of questions therapists ask their patients during their first session along with explanations about why they’re effective. Beyond asking questions you should also learn more about what to talk about in therapy with your patient.

1. What prompted you to seek therapy?

This question is a great way to start your first therapy session with a client. The patient’s answer to the question, “Do I need therapy,” can provide you with insight into the major issues the patient is facing and help you start formulating a treatment option. Other variations of this question include, “What brings you here today?”, “Why are you seeking therapy at this time?”, and “What caused you to seek therapy now?”

2. How have you been coping with the issue that brought you here?

After determining the primary driver that caused them to seek therapy, you should then ask what they’ve already done to address the issue. This question serves multiple purposes. For starters, you gain insight into your patient’s coping skills (or lack thereof.) You also have a better idea of what they’ve already tried so you don’t make similar suggestions when recommending a treatment option or medication.

3. Have you ever seen a therapist before?

Another question you should ask in the first session is whether your client has ever been to weekly sessions with a therapist before. If they’re new to therapy, this gives you a chance to introduce them to the structure of therapy plus how it works. Also, it’s not uncommon for a person to switch therapists mid-treatment; they may be visiting you because they aren’t satisfied with the progress being made with another practitioner. It helps to know if your client has tried therapy before so you can avoid making the same mistakes that a previous mental health professional may have made.

4. How is your relationship with your family?

This is a great question to ask in order to give you insight into how your patient's relationships function in his or her day-to-day life. Knowing how family members treat one another can give you important information about how your patient deals with conflict and what their role is within their family system. Is your patient aware of his or her role? Do they feel as though they have equal power in their relationships? How do they view their parents, siblings, children, extended family members, friends, spouse, or partner—and themselves for that matter? Asking about their family will provide you with insight so you can better understand who they are and how they’ve developed.

5. Are you having any suicidal or homicidal thoughts?

Though your patient may be reluctant to reveal this information because it brings up turbulent emotions, it’s an important question to ask. There are a couple of reasons why you should pose this question. For one, it helps ensure the safety of your patient and the people in their life. It also allows you to gauge the seriousness of their problem so you can offer an appropriate solution.

6. How connected do you feel to the people in your life?

This is a vital question for two reasons. One, finding out how connected your patient is with those around them will let you know whether they feel isolated or not. Feelings of loneliness or isolation can have serious detrimental effects on a person’s mental and physical health. Asking this question will also let you know if the client has a strong support system in place, which has been proven to lead to a quicker recovery.

7. What do you expect to gain from therapy?

This question will give you better insight into what your patient hopes to accomplish in therapy. When you ask this question, try to get your patient to be as specific as possible. An answer like “I want less conflict in my life” is a bit too vague; see if you can have them provide details about the type of conflict they want to avoid and what their life would look like if this changed. Once you know what their goals are, you’re better able to create a treatment plan that will help them reach their aim.

General Questions Therapists Ask

What do you think the problem is from your perspective?
How does the problem make you feel?
In your opinion, what will make the problem better?
How is the problem affecting your life?
How would you describe the relationships between you and your friends/peers?
What’s more important: having many friends or deeper relationships with just a few friends? Why?
What do you bring most to your friendships?
How often do you get to meet your friends?
How much time do you spend with your partner?
Who do you trust the most in your family?
What’s the most memorable moment from your childhood?
What type of student were you in high school?
What role do you take in groups: leader or follower? Why?
If you could change anything about your life, what would it be?
What three steps could you take to change your situation for the better?
What aspects of life do you feel are easy to manage?
What things do you find difficult to manage?
What do you think is a good life?
What kind of a person do you want to be?
What are you connected to that is bigger than you are?
What is your primary goal in life?
If you could spend your time any way you wish, what would you focus your attention on?
What do you spend your time thinking about?
What issues keep you up at night?
What negative thought patterns have you noticed?
What do you think is the first next step toward a better life?
Are your behaviors actively creating the life you want to live?
How would you describe your ideal self?
How far do you think you are from your ideal self?
What would make you more content in life?
How do you define a happy life?
What are the things that please you in life?
What is the toughest decision that you ever made?
How do you think that decision affected your life?
What dreams have you experienced repeatedly?
What feelings do you experience most often in the course of your day?
What do you think are your core strengths?
Who in your life understands you the best?
What insecurities do you have in your life?
What causes you the most anxiety in life?
What are the greatest areas for improvement in your life?
What events in life are you most grateful for?
What causes you to become envious of people?
What is the primary source of motivation for you in life?
Who is your inspiration in life?
How would you rate your confidence on a scale of 10? Why?
What is your greatest fear?
What kinds of situations make you uncomfortable?
How difficult is it for you to apologize to people?
What is the most difficult thing for you to forgive in others?
What is the thing that you regret the most in life?
What unfinished businesses do you have in life?
How do you react to unpredictable situations?
How do you react to unpleasant events?
Which of your behaviors make you feel guilty?
Are you satisfied with the direction that your life has taken?
How do you make decisions?
Are you prone to impulsive reactions?
Who has been the biggest influence in your life?
How difficult is it for you to manage time?
How important is discipline in your life?
What are our daily life stressors?
What are your priorities in life?
What is the one habit you want to get rid of?
How would you help someone with a similar problem?
Suppose a miracle happened to solve all your problems, how do you think your life would be better?
Have you ever taken any impulsive decisions in life that you later regretted?
Do you follow your heart or your head? Why?
What events do you find triggering?
How do you think your triggers affect you in life?
What coping mechanisms do you use to overcome your problems?
What methods have you tried to break the chain of negative thinking?
Have you ever gained any productive outcomes by focusing on positive aspects of life?
Are there any negative automatic thoughts that keep bugging you?
What is the one thing that you would like to change about yourself?
What is the one thing that you would like to change about your family?
What do you do to relax?
What are your long-term goals in life?
Why are these goals important?
What are your short-term goals?
How will your life change if you accomplish these goals?
What obstacles are keeping you from your goals?
What are you looking for in a potential therapist?

Therapy Questions Build Client Trust and Improve Communication

Asking questions is an essential part of therapy; they help build trust with your patient and improve communication. If you ever find yourself stuck, not knowing what to ask your client, just choose one of the questions provided above to get the conversation going.

questions for the first consultation and preparation for it

home / Blog / Cheat sheet for a psychologist: questions for the first consultation and preparation for it

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April 27, 2022

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The article was created with the participation of an expert

Lesnitskaya Olga Nikolaevna

Master of Psychology, practicing psychologist, specialist in the field of individual counseling, gestalt therapy, systemic phenomenological psychotherapy, musical art therapy.

Questions are the main tool in the work of a psychologist of any direction. With their help, the specialist helps the client to open up and clarify the request. Consider a sample list of questions that you can ask before and during the first consultation.

Questions before the session: when calling or chatting in instant messengers

It is important to determine the client's request even before the consultation in order to understand whether you work in this niche, with this category of clients and whether you can help at all. These questions can be asked by phone / text prior to the consultation, or at the first free session if you have one:

What is your name / how can I contact you?
How old are you?
Who needs help - adult, child, couple?
What made you turn to a psychologist?

The answers give a first impression of the client and his problem.

Questions for consultation will always be at hand

Get them by mail

Olga Lesnitskaya, our teacher-expert, Master of Psychology and a practicing psychologist, told us how to communicate with clients in instant messengers.

Now the majority of clients do not call, but write to instant messengers. The world is changing, that's normal. And it is important for us, psychologists, to take this into account and build it into our practice. Through messages, a specialist can also find out primary information, agree on meeting conditions and make an appointment with a client.

You can ask the person to write briefly about what brought them to you. If the topic falls under your specialization, you can set the conditions for the first meeting.

After this, it is important to give the person the opportunity to ask questions. Organizational questions must be answered. Questions that relate to the client's difficulties can be answered briefly or offered to be discussed during the consultation.

It happens that a person needs to think about the working conditions, and he does not answer or writes: "I need to think." It happens that the conditions are not suitable - this is normal.

What to do if a person does not answer, the psychologist decides based on personal ethics. In any case, you should not write to the client about your intentions and expectations in the forms: "When will you come?", "Waiting for you on Wednesday." Sometimes you can politely ask and offer your help, for example: “Hello, if my conditions do not suit you, write about what would suit you, and I will try to recommend colleagues.”

The main task of a specialist in writing through messages is to navigate the possible topic of the client's difficulties, to give information about his work. It is important to stay within the boundaries and not start therapy.

Lesnitskaya Olga Nikolaevna

At the end, you can ask: “How did you hear about my services?” This question will help you understand which channel for promoting the services of a psychologist works best. In the future, you can exclude channels with low efficiency. It will also help to better understand the audience: where clients “live” and how they find a psychologist.

Questions to start a conversation and create a relaxed atmosphere

Let's analyze separately the introductory questions for the first online consultation and face-to-face session.

Questions for the first online consultation:

Can you hear and see me well?
Is it convenient for you to talk, nothing interferes, does not distract?
How do you feel?

It is important to make sure that nothing interferes with the consultation on the technical side. And the question about well-being is an introductory one that sets you up for a conversation.

Clarification Questions

Take about 5 minutes for an introductory part and proceed to clarify the query:

What brought you to me / what is bothering you?
How long ago did this start?
At the time this started, were there any changes in your life?
Have you already consulted a psychologist and what was the outcome of your appeal?
What did you try to solve the problem?
Has the problem always manifested itself the way it does now, or has something changed?
How often does the problem come up? When does it get stronger and when does it get weaker?
How does the problem affect your life, its individual areas?
How do you feel when you talk about a problem?
What has already been done to solve the problem? What helped and how, and what did not help.
Have you told anyone about your experiences?
Is there anyone who supports you?
Why did you decide to turn to a psychologist right now?
What do you expect from today's consultation and therapy in general?
How do you see our work and what are you ready to do to solve the problem?
How do you see the result of therapy, are there any criteria by which you can determine that the problem has been solved?
How long do you expect to solve the problem?

Ask any questions that will help you better understand the client, their condition and problem. All questions can be divided into 3 groups: how, why and what. They help to understand the processes that take place in the life of the client and inside him, his needs and desires, specific manifestations.

Example. The client is worried that he often yells at others. HOW it happens: “When they don’t understand me the first time, I turn to shouting. ” WHY the client shouts: "To be heard and understood." WHAT the client feels: “Powerlessness and resentment when they don’t notice me, they don’t understand me.”

Questions for debriefing

The purpose of the first consultation is to get to know the client, to determine the true request with which you will work. It happens that in the process the request changes. For example, a client came up with the problem “I can’t build a relationship”, and during the consultation it turned out that there was a fear of intimacy behind this - this is a request that needs to be worked on.

Also at the first consultation it is necessary to determine the possibilities of therapy specifically for this client. Therefore, at the end of the session, it is important to summarize:

What was the consultation about for you?
What did you leave with, what did you learn?
Has your condition changed? If so, how?
Maybe you want to say something else, remember something important?
Do you want to continue working?
What would you like to discuss next?
Do you want to ask me something?

Remember that psychological counseling is a creative process. It is important to follow the client, and not tailor the consultation strictly to the algorithm. It is important to pay attention not only to the client's responses, but also to his facial expressions, gestures, tone of voice, rate of speech and other non-verbal signs.

Useful materials:

Algorithm for the first consultation with a psychologist: with examples and advice from practitioners
Psychologist and client: how to build relationships correctly
6 ethical principles that will keep the reputation of a psychologist. With examples
Interview with Olga Lesnitskaya: about Gestalt therapy, self-discovery and fear of the unknown
Who is a Gestalt therapist and how to become one

The article was created with the participation of an expert

Lesnitskaya Olga Nikolaevna

Master of Psychology, practicing psychologist, specialist in the field of individual counseling, gestalt therapy, systemic phenomenological psychotherapy, musical art therapy.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS TO PSYCHOLOGIST

In this section, we have prepared a small selection of answers to the most common questions for psychologists from hotline subscribers 8-800 100-01-91.

Questions:

How can a psychologist help me?
Should the patient be told about the diagnosis?
How to talk to a doctor?
I'm tired of being treated. Where to find strength?
How to cope with the fear of death?
I have just been diagnosed, what should I do now?
How to learn to relieve anxiety?
Why did I get sick? Why is this punishment for me?
How to support a loved one if he is ill? How to behave with him?

1. How can a psychologist help me?

If you need to share your feelings with someone, you can easily dial our number 8-800 100-0191 , it works around the clock and free of charge. A psychologist-consultant is on duty.

First of all, it is important to understand what is considered psychological support, what kind of help you expect. First, you will be heard and understood. Secondly, by looking at yourself and the situation through the eyes of another person, you can, together with a psychologist, find a way out of a situation that might seem insoluble.

We are ready to listen to you, discuss your experiences and feelings, help you understand and accept them, find resources together so that you can pass all the tests, talk about your relationship with people around you: family, friends, acquaintances or medical staff, dream , practice breathing properly and do some exercises to reduce anxiety. We are ready to just talk about what you want. To do this, we will use our professional knowledge and experience, and you - your understanding of yourself, the situation, your willingness to change, your inner strength.

In addition to calling the hotline, there are other forms of support. You can attend a psychotherapy group for patients or individual face-to-face consultations with a psychologist.

2. Should the patient be told about the diagnosis?

We are often asked questions of a similar nature. Often, doctors do not report the diagnosis to the patient himself, and the decision to “talk or not talk about the diagnosis” is left to relatives. This is a big responsibility and a very difficult dilemma.

Unfortunately, there is no specific "recipe" that would contain information on how to act in such a situation. Despite the fact that in recent years there has been a trend to fully inform the patient about the diagnosis, this issue still remains an ethical dilemma. Therefore, we always say that in such situations it is very important to understand what kind of person your relative (friend) is, whether he is impressionable, how he used to cope with difficult stressful situations: i. e. whether he is inclined to panic and withdraw into himself, or, on the contrary, an optimistic and courageous person who always wants to know the truth, no matter how painful it is. Think about how he might react to such news.

When talking with a psychologist, relatives make different decisions: they often try to tell the truth, but in an extremely mild form, they name a different diagnosis, it happens that they decide to remain silent until the last, fearing that an impressionable person, having learned the diagnosis, will become so worried that he will fall ill stronger, they give medicine, assuring that it will help. But lying can bring great difficulties.

For example, if a person knows you well, he may begin to suspect you of hiding something, and this may destroy the trust between you. It is quite possible that the patient guesses about the diagnosis himself or knows something from the words of the doctor or roommates, and the withdrawal of relatives from talking on this topic creates a situation of the “taboo” topic and the patient finds himself in isolation. It's a fine line.

With any decision, it is important to say that you will be there, do not leave him alone, that you love and appreciate him, because this is very important for a sick person.

If you decide to speak frankly about the disease, you should be prepared for tears and denial (when the patient does not believe that this is true), apathy, depressive reactions. We all need time to realize. In more detail, you can talk about this with a psychologist by phone.

In addition, it is of great importance how you yourself deal with this news, whether you feel the spiritual strength to solve these issues alone. Do not take full responsibility for the decision, coordinate it with the whole family.

If now you or someone close to you think that you are not ready to discuss this issue, wait until the shock reaction passes, and only then make a decision, in this case it will turn out to be more rational and balanced.

3. How to talk to a doctor?

If you feel that you have not been able to build rapport with the doctor, for example, you are confused and did not ask what you planned, this can be corrected. First, try to come to the consultation prepared, i.e. Make a list of questions you would like to ask ahead of time. This will facilitate the process of communication with the doctor and will allow you to use the consultation time as efficiently as possible.

Second, ask questions clearly and directly. Ask again what you do not understand from the words of the doctor. Do not be shy. It is great if you and the doctor will co-sponsor the treatment program, ask to be kept up to date with the program, prognosis and treatment time frame. If you happen to sit in line for an appointment, try to relax and not accumulate fear and irritation, as these are emotions you adopt from others (contagion effect). To do this, you can turn on the player, read a book, call the psychological help number 8-800 100-0191 . Stay business-minded so you don't panic or get upset. If you are unsure of yourself, invite a friend or relative along. It is important to remember that the bulk of the responsibility lies with you, and it is important to engage in dialogue and follow instructions as clearly as possible. If they are not there, find out how to do it right (dates for the next examination, gymnastics, underwear, dressings, tests, etc.). If in doubt, and your doctor is not available, you can consult with one or two more specialists.

4. I am tired of being treated. Where to find strength?

It can be very difficult for patients to cope alone with their emotional state during the treatment period. During this period, the patient's life often turns into a regular and tedious visit to medical institutions, which results in fatigue, apathy, a sense of powerlessness and, as a result, unwillingness to continue treatment. Therefore, resources (internal or external) are of great importance, which you can rely on during this difficult period, so as not to give up and not retreat in the fight against the disease. Such resources can be anything that can support you and give you moral strength, ranging from the support of people close to you and ending with hobbies that can bring you joy and satisfaction.

If possible, try not to "fixate" on negative experiences, distract yourself from them in every possible way. Fill your time (free from visiting the hospital and current affairs) with as many activities and hobbies as possible, so that there is simply no time left for worries. Force yourself to relax. And sometimes, literally force it, because it can be very difficult to distract yourself from negative thoughts. Remember - to fill your life with new emotions, impressions, activities is very important to avoid depression. Live as much as possible (if your well-being allows) brightly, fully and richly. Go to the theater, cinema, be more outdoors, think of a new activity or hobby, get a pet.

You need to choose some time during the day that you could be alone with yourself and devote only to yourself. Listen to calm classical music, draw (even if you don’t know how, it can help you relax and get distracted), do light gymnastics, lie in the bath, read something pleasant before going to bed. If you are very limited in time, you can set aside at least 15-30 minutes a day for this. The ability to relax is a very important skill that will help you cope with stress.

Are there people close to you who can support you in difficult times? The participation of loved ones in such a situation can be a valuable support and an incentive not to give up. Feel free to reach out to your loved ones for help and support.

Start keeping a diary, write down all your thoughts and experiences. Dialogue with oneself can be a very valuable support and support in a situation that at first glance seems difficult and hopeless.

In addition, you can always count on our support and attention. Call us! Our hotline 8-800 100-0191 is open 24/7 and free of charge.

5. How to cope with the fear of death?

In a situation of oncological disease, a person faces the fear of death face to face. From the moment of our birth until the very last day, we build a defense against this fear, it haunts us, always being on the border of consciousness with a kind of “obscure rumble”. As a result of the fact that we are threatened by a real, real danger, such as cancer, the realization of such a simple thought “I really can die now” comes to mind, and this is insanely scary. This means that the protection against fear built up over the years of life has been broken or collapsed altogether, and it turned out that you, with this awareness, suddenly found yourself face to face without this kind of “armor”. It is strange that we are not always aware of this, that is, we do not feel it when crossing the street in a busy place or walking under a string of heavy icicles in winter, we do not feel it when we are driving in a car, avoiding a collision, we do not feel it when we return home late. But cancer changes everything.

Don't try to run away from fear or deny it, try to look it in the eye and negotiate with it. Fear is our helper and protector. Running away from him, we only increase his attempts to get through to us. Absolutely every human fear is a derivative of the fear of death, and if you perceive your fear as the fear of death, and not as anything else, this is already a big breakthrough.

Awareness of the fear of death is a very sincere position without superficial, superfluous, and much allows us to decide for ourselves. Therefore, what you are so afraid of now will pass with time if you manage to understand something important or change your attitude towards life. What you feel and can now understand is not given to "sleeping" people who have not realized death and hide their fear deep in the subconscious. Thus, the awareness of death is a door to the unknown, a way to rethink one's existence. An example of this could be Randy Pausch, here is his “last lecture”: http://rutube. ru/video/52ecedbe7ed9c3d113ab24838c07cc1c/.

Maybe it's time to think? In order to reduce this excessive stress, we suggest thinking about what scares you the most about death? Talk to your fear about everything, in particular: Why are you afraid of this? Do you think this fear is related to your life or death? What is death for you? Do you believe in the immortality of the soul? In the preservation of personality after death? Take a look at her, talk to her, maybe she's not so scary? In order to delve into this issue, you can read the book of the famous psychotherapist Irvin Yalom “Peering into the sun. Life without fear of death.

6. I have just been diagnosed, what should I do now?

Unfortunately, there is still no clear answer to the question of what can cause cancer. But most scientists and practitioners agree that a complex of factors plays a role in this process: biological nature, heredity, ecology, lifestyle and factors of a socio-psychological nature. And none of us can be immune from this disease, and even the right way of life, physical strength and conditional health are not a defense against it.

In a situation of diagnosis, this information falls "like snow on the head", and the person experiences a shock. You can’t prepare for this and “lay straws”. For a minute or two or half an hour it is impossible to believe that this is true, this "really happened to me." Emotions go wild, arms and legs do not bend, it is impossible to speak, or, on the contrary, you begin to chat incessantly and rush about anxiously. The way to respond depends on the type of human nervous system. Tears in the moment are perfectly normal and helpful. Sit and cry, then drink water or breathe deeply and slowly. This is not a weakness - this is the norm.

The brain has to start working with this situation: don't expect yourself to find a solution instantly, choose the right questions and get together. It takes time to absorb information and process it. It will take from several hours to several days, and you will come to terms with the fact that the diagnosis is there and it is true, you will come to your senses, make a decision, make a plan and tell someone about what happened.

Please do not imagine future problems and losses and do not panic ahead of time. The notion that cancer is the end of life and an early death is erroneous. The word "cancer" is surrounded by numerous myths and various "horrors", which are described in detail on the Internet and often have nothing to do with reality. It is better not to read them and remember that each situation is unique.

Cancer is a life-threatening disease. This is true. But this disease is curable, remember that. In most cases, especially in the early stages, the forecasts are optimistic. You are not alone: many people coped with this disease, and then went ahead and developed, becoming more resilient and strong-willed people. So try to be patient and courageous, stock up on the support of loved ones, form an active and positive attitude towards recovery and start actively fighting for your health.

Related article: How to deal with the shock reaction after the announcement of the diagnosis?

7. How to learn to relieve anxiety?

As a rule, the psychological state of a person who has learned that he has cancer is characterized by a particularly high level of anxiety. The state of anxiety can be very strong, disrupting the normal functioning of the body. In this case, the qualified help of a psychologist, a medical psychotherapist is required. However, with moderate symptoms, the patient can learn to cope with this condition on their own.

One of the best ways to deal with anxiety is regular relaxation. Relaxation is a skill that is specifically used in dealing with anxiety. You cannot be relaxed and scared at the same time. There are many ways to achieve psychophysical relaxation. The most commonly used are meditation techniques and progressive muscle relaxation. Many people use music for this purpose. Just walking and light exercise can also reduce anxiety levels. One of the simplest and most effective ways to relax is to slow down your breathing and begin to observe your inhalations and exhalations, making them as deep and stretched as possible. There are various relaxation programs, including those on audio and video cassettes.