Psychology of oral sex

Scientists Explain Why We Have Oral Sex

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Aside from the fact that, you know, it feels good.

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The question of why we have oral sex seems like a no-brainer: because it feels damn good. But recent research shows there could be a few other, slightly less conscious and slightly more scientific reasons why both men and women engage in oral sex.

First up, there's an evolutionary explanation. According to a study published in 2000 in the Journal of Reproductive Immunology, swallowing semen can make your body accustomed to someone's DNA so that your immune system doesn't act up during pregnancy. Since a number of pregnancy disorders stem from recognizing the father's genes as foreign, introducing them into your body beforehand can help you out when you're pregnant. It sounds strange, but scientists believe it's a possible evolutionary explanation for blow jobs.

What about when men go down on women? That practice could've also been inherited from our ancestors. One study published in 2013 in Evolutionary Psychology found that men who perceived that a lot of other guys were interested in their partner (aka men who had "greater sperm competition") were more likely to make their female partners orgasm through oral sex. The authors speculate that the act might function to prevent cheating, which in turn prevents sperm competition and helps men pass on their genes.

Neither of these explanations, however, explain why people who aren't in heterosexual relationships have oral sex—which obviously happens in same sex couples all the time. It's one example of how the reasons a behavior evolved within a species aren't always the same as the reasons we actually decide to do it. Mostly, we have oral sex because it feels good or we want to make our partner feel good—and pleasure is reason enough.

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10 Things You Should Know About Oral Sex

How many people have had oral sex? Do men and women have similar feelings about this activity? Does oral sex “count” as sex? In this post, we’ll take a look at the answers to these and other questions about oral sex.

1.) Most adults in the United States have engaged in oral sex before. A recent, nationally representative survey found that 86-87% of men and women say they have done it at least once.

2.) A little over one-third of Americans say they engaged in oral sex during their most recent sexual event. However, men are more likely to say they received it, whereas women are more likely to say that they performed it on a partner.

3.) Oral sex isn’t just a frequently practiced activity—it’s also a popular theme in porn. In fact, research has found that among men and women—both heterosexual and non-heterosexual—oral sex is among the five most-watched porn genres.

4.) Despite how frequently oral sex is practiced, people are really split over whether oral sex actually “counts” as having sex. For example, in a recent study of nearly 600 heterosexual college students, about half of men and women said that oral sex probably isn’t sex, while the other half said it probably is.

5.) Among sexual minorities, lesbian and bisexual women are more likely to say that oral sex “counts” compared to gay and bisexual men. In fact, whereas a majority of lesbian and bi women say that oral sex is “definitely sex,” only about one-third of gay and bi men say the same.

6.) Oral sex (both giving and receiving) is rated as highly pleasurable by men and women alike. However, while men and women rate receiving oral sex as equally pleasurable, men are more likely than women to say that giving oral sex is pleasurable.

7.) Receiving oral sex increases the odds of a woman reaching orgasm during sexual activity, especially during a hookup. For example, in a study of college women, the estimated probability of reaching orgasm during a sexual hookup with intercourse was 24%. If the woman also received oral sex during the encounter, the odds of orgasm doubled to 48%. A similar but smaller orgasm boost was noted in romantic relationships (75% for intercourse alone compared to 83% for intercourse plus oral sex).

8.) Oral sex is not a risk-free sexual activity. For instance, it is possible to spread bacterial infections, such as chlamydia and gonorrhea, as well as viral infections, like herpes and HPV. Oral sex also creates a potential opportunity for pubic lice to spread to moustaches and beards.

9.) Although there are potential risks, few people use condoms or other barriers for protection when they practice oral sex. For example, in one study of 1,373 U.K. students, 56% reported having had oral sex before—of them, however, only 17% had ever used a condom for this act and, moreover, just 2% reported using condoms consistently during oral sex [1].

10.) A recent study suggests that use of antibacterial mouthwash may have the potential to help prevent the spread of oral gonorrhea infections, which you can learn more about here (though, to be clear, much more research is needed before drawing firm conclusions). Incidentally, the company that makes Listerine marketed it as a cure for gonorrhea back in the late 1800s; however, no one actually tested this claim until now.

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for more from the blog or here to listen to the podcast. Follow Sex and Psychology on Facebook, Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

[1] Stone, N., Hatherall, B., Ingham, R., & McEachran, J. (2006). Oral sex and condom use among young people in the United Kingdom. Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health, 38(1), 6-12.

Image Source: 123RF/lculig

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Fellatio as a psychological phenomenon

Liza Pieterkina on why men love and appreciate this type of intimate intercourse so much.

Website editor


oral sex

This kind of oral-genital contact a couple of decades ago could easily be recognized as a deviation. Today, society is becoming more and more open to non-traditional forms of sexual contact between a man and a woman, and the word "blowjob" no longer causes shock to anyone, and no one will consider the act itself a perversion. However, it is not enough to recognize and accept this phenomenon, it is much more important to understand its nature, then the answer to the question of why men so crave and appreciate this type of intimate communication will become obvious.

Let's start from afar, from the primeval past of mankind. Not so long ago, the world was enriched by another science - ethology, partly grown out of zoopsychology. Its founder was the Austrian scientist, Nobel Prize winner Konrad Lorenz. Ethologists study the behavior of animals in their natural habitat. Man as a social animal is also inscribed in the circle of interests of young science. When studying all animal communities, one similarity was found: almost all of them are built according to the same principle, the principle of hierarchy. The leader is at the head of the pack, and all individuals obey him until there is a change of power. But how can non-intelligent animals choose their leader? It turns out that each species has its own external signs that indicate the presence or potential of such qualities of an individual that enable it to lead the flock "to prosperity". Moose have branched horns, roosters have a large comb, bumblebees have a large number of villi on their bodies, and our closest monkey relatives have a large penis. The male with the most outstanding size is recognized by the members of the pack as the leader, the alpha male, in accordance with ethological terminology. Thus, it is the phallus that becomes an attribute and symbol of power. This legacy of primitive ancestors is preserved in a civilized society, and it is for this reason that it seems to boys that it is so important to have a “decent” size in order to feel like full-fledged males of a human pack. The masculine idiom "measure ... merits" has become firmly established in use.

Recognition of male power in our feminist world is an important aspect of harmonious relationships. A man who is recognized as the leader of his small pack, at least in the face of his chosen one, feels completely different and even socially begins to achieve much greater success. Fellatio is one of the types of metaphorical initiation of a man into "leaders", giving him a special self-confidence. Even if a woman is more successful in her career than her partner, fellatio, especially if performed on her knees, helps create the right psychological prioritization for the couple. Paradoxically, such a spatial "humiliation" of a woman leads her to an unconditional exaltation in the eyes of a man.

The second most important aspect of oral-genital contact is energetic. The ancient Taoists, being one of the first physicians in world history, prioritized the task of healthy longevity and paid special attention to sex as an integral part of a healthy lifestyle. In Taoist culture, fellatio occupies a special place. From the point of view of the ancient Chinese, the basis of human energy is made up of two channels: anterior-middle and posterior-middle. The posterior median canal starts from the coccyx and rises up the spine, passes along the crown of the head and ends at a point between the nose and upper lip. And the anterior median canal begins in the perineum, in the region of the genitals, and ends in the tongue. Tongue and genitals are two polarities that provide a person with the movement of the universal energy "qi", affecting the circulation of energy in one's own body and the exchange of energy with a sexual partner. That is why deep sensual kisses are so important and oral-genital contact is no less important. Followers of the Taoist sex of the White Tigresses preferred this type of sex, believing that it was oral sex that gave a woman vitality. But, more importantly, this is the only way to transfer the earthly energy "yin" to a man, the carrier of the heavenly energy "yang", in order to "ground" him and thereby aim at achieving social success and obtaining material benefits.

Techniques for connecting the tongue and male genitalia are only indirectly related to the art of oral sex. This sacred connection of two principles is rather metaphysics than physics. There is even a special, almost none of the followers of Taoism, completely described for obvious reasons, the ritual of connecting a man and a woman, creating a special spiritual connection between them, in which other partners lose their significance. This is a fusion, similar to the yin-yang sign, in which a man and a woman become one.

If you imagine this sign, you will surely remember that it consists of a white petal, which indicates the masculine principle, and a black petal, which indicates the feminine principle. An important nuance: a small black circle is inscribed inside the white petal, and the same white circle is inside the black one. This is a rather simple symbol, emphasizing the obvious fact that every man has a feminine element and vice versa. Taoists don't fight their weaknesses, they cultivate them. And a man who recognizes and accepts elements of the feminine essence in himself becomes even more masculine. The formation of sublime femininity occurs through the adoption of a male active principle in oneself. Fellatio is one of two types of oral sex, in which a woman gives affection, and a man gratefully accepts it. Irrumation suggests male sexual activity during oral-genital union. From the point of view of ancient Chinese doctors, fellatio can become one of the spiritual practices that contribute to the self-improvement of women and men.

So, one of the most exquisite types of sex, which until recently was considered something forbidden, may have been forbidden or limited by our ancient ancestors for very specific reasons. This type of intimate communication is too complicated and fraught with a lot of mysteries, and using it without understanding the sacred meaning and philosophical meaning can lead to undesirable psychological consequences. But perhaps this is just a guess. Let this mysterious phenomenon of sexual culture remain unsolved to the end!

Text: Lisa Pieterkina

Oral sex technique: secrets

There is no doubt: you are no longer a beginner and oral sex is not a secret behind seven seals for you. But the secrets and tricks that we have collected will be useful to everyone and will surprise even advanced users.

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Ekaterina Lyubimova

oral sex

Psychology of sex

Research and statistics

Training center SEX. RF

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To be honest, this article made even our hardened column editor blush: few magazines can afford to mention so many terms and techniques of oral sex on a couple of pages. But we decided to cast aside shame and tell it like it is, because this knowledge can become a powerful force. True, only in skillful hands, and you will definitely need them. According to Ekaterina Lyubimova, a sex coach and founder of the SEX.RF Training Center network, “in a good blowjob, just imitation of vaginal penetration is not enough.” In other words, in order to become the goddess of oral sex, you will have to forget embarrassment and pull yourself together, or rather, him.

Secret weaknesses

The secret of this type of sex lies not only in technique, but also in understanding psychology. “Men are most often visual,” explains Ekaterina Lyubimova, “the classic blowjob position does not give a complete view, so try others. For example, he lies on his back, and you get on all fours so that your buttocks are just opposite his eyes. And if you squirm beautifully, as if at that moment another man enters you ... "Here we are approaching another secret: the main male fantasy is not sex with two girls (this is just a patriarchal myth about an alpha male, and, of course, your lover wants you to believe in him), but on the contrary - one girl and several partners. The most popular genre of porn is double and triple penetration. “A man would like to take possession of you completely,” explains Ekaterina Lyubimova, “so during vaginal sex, he puts his fingers in your mouth, and during a blowjob, in your vagina, and not only.” But there is no need to call an assistant, a dildo on a suction cup is enough.

“Do you know what the main mistake girls make when they decide to have oral sex? They undertake to do it because “it’s necessary”, and not because they want to!”

Attach the toy to the mirror and use it for its intended purpose in the doggy style position, and caress the man with your mouth. From this angle, he will see an amazing picture and will be able to imagine that he takes you from both sides and you are completely filled with him. This is how fantasies come true!

Victory of evolution

Your loved one can make you as happy as you make him. And he will act wisely, because, according to the studies of evolutionary biologists, a woman who is sexually satisfied does not seek treason, and language in this sense is not at all an enemy, but a friend of a man. “Using only the penis for love is like doing calligraphy with a thick marker,” writes American sexologist Ian Kerner in She Comes First. “Language is completely under our control and can act with subtlety, precision and direction.” This sounds, of course, very convincing, but, unfortunately, not very viable. “No matter how sad it sounds, less than 50% of Russian men are ready to “return” caresses, and those who know how to do it are even rarer,” agrees Ekaterina Lyubimova.

women experience orgasm only from oral sex (Kinsey Institute survey, USA).

In many ways, we ourselves prevent our partners from developing. Men who love to do cunnilingus told us that some girls literally wouldn't let them into the 'sanctuary'. Women, on the other hand, admit that they are embarrassed by their smell or taste, the lack of an intimate haircut and the fact that the path to orgasm will be too long. But a study by sexologist Jan Kerner shows that most men who are willing to oral gratify women really like the taste and smell. And if you are afraid that your partner will try for an hour, but it will not lead to anything, turn the page and show him the magazine! A worthy reason: we have prepared tips for both of you.

He's for you

If your partner wants to please you, the problem is half solved. Then it's up to you.

Help him figure it out

Not all women can experience orgasm when their legs are apart. If you masturbate with compressed hips, then cunnilingus will give you maximum pleasure in this position.

Master class: take his hand, let him imagine that this is your vagina. Show him on this training field what kind of caresses you want from him.

Give feedback

Talk and show him what you like best. The partner may not realize that the strong friction of the naked clitoris hurts you. Gently make adjustments: "You know, the tongue is more pleasant than the teeth." He wants to fill all your holes - your interests are the same! The combination of oral and anal caresses of girls is crazy. Finger or toy? Try!

Another trick . To tease you, he may caress your thighs without touching your vagina. Not for long!


  • G-spot
    With his tongue, he caresses your clitoris, and with one or two fingers, the G-spot. Not everyone can find it. Help: show him the “come here” movement with your index finger, and let him repeat it inside you.
  • Like vibrator
    If in the process he mumbles something under his breath, it may sound a little strange ... but the vibrations will give you so much pleasure that your moans will very quickly drown out his quiet singing!
  • Almost blowjob
    Yes, yes, an option for girls. He gently pulls your clit into his mouth, sucking it and playing with it with his tongue. Caution: increase the intensity gradually!

Look into his eyes + let him see your body = he will be delighted!

You to him

A good blowjob needs a lot of saliva. Feel free to squish and smack loudly - men are incredibly turned on by these sounds!

The fun begins

To feel deep penetration, the partner does not have to rest against your tonsils - the penis can be easily "outwitted".

Use your hand as an extension of your mouth. Take his cock tightly in your fist. The palm is pressed to the lips and forms one whole with them, moves synchronously - this is the whole trick.

Secret buttons on the sides of the penis, closer to the base, are responsible for the inflow and outflow of blood. If you press them, you will prolong the erection and delay ejaculation.

Remember the testicles. They can be stroked and licked (but it is better not to bite).

Additional maneuvers

Butterfly flutter. Gently move the tip of the tongue up and down, paying special attention to the vein groove and corolla.

Small hole. The urethral orifice is very sensitive. Gently touch with your tongue.


  • Ice and Fire
    He will never be able to forget oral sex with a piece of ice or a cube of frozen juice in his mouth. Also, try to drink from two cups in the process - with hot tea and with a cold cocktail.
  • "Yes, yes, yes!"
    Place the head of the penis on the hard part of the palate, move it forward to the soft palate and a little more to the tongue. Nod your head as if to say "Yes, yes, yes." A little more - and you are the master of deep blowjob!
  • Corkscrew
    Hold the penis with your hand, take the head into your mouth and make simultaneous multidirectional movements with them. The path must be spiral.

Below the belt

Do you have questions about oral sex that your girlfriends don't know the answers to? and our expert Ekaterina Lyubimova - sex coach, author of practical methods, founder of the international network "Training Center SEX.RF" - knows!

I want to deepthroat, but my gag reflex is triggered. What to do?
Practice with a toothbrush: press it on the root of the tongue. So you will get used to the fact that a foreign object can enter the throat. Also, to make your sensations more pleasant, learn to “open” your throat. Do you remember when, as a child, the doctor asked you to say "Aaa"? Do the same, but say the sounds not out loud, but to yourself.

Is it dangerous to kiss after oral sex? What if one of us is disgusted by this?
In terms of health and hygiene, it is no more dangerous or "harmful" than oral sex itself. Kissing or not "after" - depends only on the desire of the partners. If your own taste is unpleasant for both of you, then you can rinse your mouth before kissing. 90,003 90,002 women admitted that they feel power over a man when giving blowjobs (SEX.RF study).

My boyfriend is much taller than me. What is the best way for us to make love in the 69 position?
The classic option is the "girl on top". So you can regulate the depth of penetration of the penis and not be afraid that the man will crush with his weight.

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