How to get past divorce depression

SAMHSA’s National Helpline | SAMHSA

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  • SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.

    Also visit the online treatment locator.

SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service), or TTY: 1-800-487-4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.

Also visit the online treatment locator, or send your zip code via text message: 435748 (HELP4U) to find help near you. Read more about the HELP4U text messaging service.

The service is open 24/7, 365 days a year.

English and Spanish are available if you select the option to speak with a national representative. Currently, the 435748 (HELP4U) text messaging service is only available in English.

In 2020, the Helpline received 833,598 calls. This is a 27 percent increase from 2019, when the Helpline received a total of 656,953 calls for the year.

The referral service is free of charge. If you have no insurance or are underinsured, we will refer you to your state office, which is responsible for state-funded treatment programs. In addition, we can often refer you to facilities that charge on a sliding fee scale or accept Medicare or Medicaid. If you have health insurance, you are encouraged to contact your insurer for a list of participating health care providers and facilities.

The service is confidential. We will not ask you for any personal information. We may ask for your zip code or other pertinent geographic information in order to track calls being routed to other offices or to accurately identify the local resources appropriate to your needs.

No, we do not provide counseling. Trained information specialists answer calls, transfer callers to state services or other appropriate intake centers in their states, and connect them with local assistance and support.

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    For additional resources, please visit the SAMHSA Store.

Last Updated: 08/30/2022

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how not to go into depression after breaking up?

Danish scientists have found out that the state of health of the spouses deteriorates during divorce. This does not depend on how tough the separation was, what kind of relationship the couple had before. Why conflicts during divorce harm mental health, psychotherapist Ilya Suslov told TV channel "MIR 24" .

- Why does the health of partners inevitably deteriorate during divorce?

Ilya Suslov: There is a phenomenon of great loss, because the family fell apart, a big project in which many expectations and investments were invested. The person starts to cry. It does not matter how a person leaves: as a result of death or divorce. For a partner, the departure of his spouse is the loss of a loss plus the collapse of the family. Regarding these losses, the theme of mourning arises - a person begins to feel sad, mourn - this is a serious stress, it will give a reaction to the deterioration of health.

- There are times when people consider divorce a holiday. Is it still stress?

Ilya Suslov: Cheerful mood can be a protective reaction: on the one hand, joy that the problem is solved, on the other hand, the loss that he suffered, because it was still a family. What did not work out is a loss, a loss. All people want to get positive, save their families, but if this does not work out, they have to accept defeat. All the same, people will grieve and worry, although they will rejoice.

- Scientists say that people endure a quick divorce worse than a protracted one. Why?

Ilya Suslov: When it drags on, the grieving phenomenon starts earlier. When it happens quickly, it's a surprise effect. Often the theme of the suddenness of a serious event is unsettling. A quick divorce - when a very unpleasant event occurred (treason, receiving information about severe addiction, beating - physical violence, sexual, aggression, as well as inconsistent taking of a loan) - this is the effect of very difficult information that is incompatible with family life, this was not thought out , lived.

Like an accident, it happens suddenly, the sudden change of all plans to negative is very destabilizing for a person. When this happens slowly, a person manages to experience grief, loss, pain in the process.

- During the winter and spring during the quarantine, Chinese scientists noticed that people began to divorce more often. Does staying in the same apartment longer than usual also work?

Ilya Suslov: When people live an ordinary life, they have the opportunity to be distracted, to worry, but when they are together, if there are unresolved problems, they have nowhere to go from themselves. It comes to the surface, it cannot be discussed. Here we are left to each other, we are forced to communicate more often - intolerance grows if there is irritation, tension in the family, there is nothing to spend it on, then it develops into a divorce. It happens that they put it off, hoping that they would fall in love, but it became obvious that they weren’t, the irritation grew to intolerance.

- Are there any tricks that help smooth out the negative effect?

Ilya Suslov: If a person is already ill, it is important to put up with it, to understand that the body needs rest - the sick leave is taken because stress affects physics, the body. A depressive state, a state of despondency also reduces cognitive abilities, energy of vital activity. I suggest reconcile, take a break, rest. Healthy lifestyle practices, meditation - whoever helps, then implement it in life.

Try to relax - water procedures, walks, the main thing is that it is environmentally friendly, because a frequent option is to turn to some kind of addiction. You need to understand that I’m feeling bad now, I’m sick because of a divorce, it’s normal to get sick, worry, get upset, find solace, like-minded people, hobbies - books, TV shows. Very often films help, where the topic of divorce is shown, where you can live it with the hero.

Everyone sublimates differently. You can write a story, go to a psychologist and talk about difficult things. When a person is sick, he goes to the doctor. When stress occurs, we will not be introduced into the culture to go to a specialist who will help to survive it. When already monstrous stresses occur - a plane crash - no one is surprised by the presence of psychologists at the airport who work with relatives of the victims and so on. But when a person is going through a divorce or any stressful event, there is no thought to go to a specialist, take a few sessions to unload and get professional help and support.

Depression after a breakup, how to get out of depression after a divorce

The relevance of the topic of depression after parting with a loved one will never disappear. Unfortunately, almost every one of us has experienced the pain of breaking up with our soulmate.

Many who have been affected by depression after parting with a boyfriend or girlfriend hear empty consolations from relatives and friends. Only for some reason these words do not help, but on the contrary, they leave an unpleasant aftertaste on the soul and the feeling that no one understands you.

You've probably heard the saying, "No one can help you until you help yourself." But how to do it, if hands fall and it seems that everything is hopelessly lost?

Let's look into this complex but extremely important topic together.

Getting out of depression after a breakup: where to start?

To begin with, let's try to understand: we were overcome by depression after the breakup of relations, or this is a short-term subdepressive state.

Main symptoms of depression:

Emotional signs:

1. Depression, depressed mood.

2. Anticipation of trouble, constant anxiety.

3. Frequent self-accusation, feeling of guilt.

4. Loss of the ability to experience any feelings.

5. Irritability, aggression.

Physiological signs:

1. Insomnia or drowsiness.

2. Loss of appetite or overeating.

3. Pain all over the body.

4. Increased fatigue.

Behavioral signs:

1. The desire to limit any contacts.

2. Passivity.

3. Abuse of alcohol, other psychoactive drugs.

4. Slow thinking, difficulty concentrating.

If you have noticed most of the manifestations from this list in yourself, then you are depressed. Now, it is important to understand how to get rid of depression after a divorce from a loved one.

Getting out of depression after parting is possible only if we have found the true cause of this condition. And we need to fight it.

Parting with a man or woman who meant a lot in our lives leads to the collapse of plans, hopes and dreams. It turns out that we lose all reference points in life. We are at a crossroads and suffer, in fact, not from lost love, but from the fact that we do not know how to rebuild and begin to create a new reality.

Breaking up a relationship with a loved one often leads to low self-esteem. We are disappointed in ourselves, we begin to engage in self-digging and, of course, we conclude that we are not capable of anything. We are fixated on the fact that we will not succeed, we are afraid to take any step, and therefore we do not even try to change something.

A vicious circle is obtained. To overcome depression, you need to start making new plans, set goals and go towards them. But we cannot do this, because the fear of new failures does not allow us to move forward.

Now you know the main thing: in order for depression after a divorce from a husband or wife to go away, you need to increase self-esteem and start moving forward. This is quite hard work, but believe me, if not very quickly, but it will bear fruit.

Post-breakup depression: steps to overcome depression

It is worth noting that men and women have slightly different options for coping with depression.

So, how can a woman get out of depression after a divorce?

1. We take care of our appearance.

Haven't been to a beauty salon, shopping, gym for a long time? Right now.

Go to the mirror and look at your reflection. I do not like? Now remember that day when you left the house in a stylish dress, with a neat manicure, well-styled hair and beautiful makeup. You heard compliments from strangers and it certainly brought pleasure.

When you feel that you look worthy, you will want to go out. And this, in turn, will lead to new acquaintances, opportunities, and maybe new love.

2. Doing what we love.

For true careerists, a great option to cope with depression after a divorce is to give yourself to work. Women who have devoted themselves entirely to marriage probably have hobbies. That's why we give him the most attention.

New successes will add to your self-confidence. You will realize that you can do anything, you just have to make a little effort.

Learn more