Personality traits of a manipulator

30 Characeristics of Manipulators - Psychology and Wellness Centre

Isabelle Nazare-Aga, psychotherapist, lecturer and author, has developed 30 characteristics of manipulators over a period of seven years and the list was published in 1997 in the book “Les manipulateurs sont parmis nous”. This list applies to both women and men. Read this list while thinking about the person you suspect.

If at least 14 criteria out of 30 are met, the person in question is a manipulator. Most people get more than 20 points out of 30. People with fewer than eight of the listed characteristics are not considered to have a manipulative personality.

They make other people feel guilty in the name of professional conscience, family ties, friendship, love, etc.

They unload their responsibilities onto others or dismiss their responsibilities.
They do not clearly communicate their requests, needs, feelings or opinions.
They often respond vaguely.
They change their opinions, behaviours, or feelings depending on the person or situation.
They cite all kinds of logical reasons to disguise their requests.
They make others believe that they must be perfect, never change their minds, always know everything, and immediately respond to requests and questions.
They cast into doubt the qualities, skills and personalities of other people—they criticize without appearing to do so, devalue and judge.
They have their messages communicated by other people or via intermediaries (telephone instead of face-to-face, written notes).
They create suspicion and stir up ill feelings; they divide to conquer, driving a wedge between people, leading to relationship break-ups.
They know how to make themselves victims to gain sympathy (e.g. exaggerated illness, « difficult » surroundings, overloaded at work).
They ignore requests (even if they claim to be taking care of them).
They use the moral principles of others (e.g. notions of humanity, charity, racism, « good » or « bad » mother) to satisfy their needs.
They make veiled threats or openly resort to blackmail.
They abruptly change the topic in mid-conversation.
They avoid or get out of discussions and meetings.
They rely on the ignorance of others while vaunting their superiority.
They lie.
They make false statements to discover the truth, twist, and interpret facts to suit themselves.
They are self-centred.
They can be jealous, even if they are parents or spouses.
They cannot take criticism and deny facts.
They do not consider the rights, needs and desires of others.
They often wait until the last minute to ask, order or have others do something.
Their words appear logical and consistent, while their attitudes, actions or lifestyle are opposite.
They use flattery to seduce us, give gifts or suddenly start waiting on us hand and foot.
They generate a state of discomfort or not being free (trap).
They are excellent at meeting their own goals but at the expense of others.
They make us do things that we would probably not have done of our own free will.
They are constantly the focus of conversation among people who know them, even if they are not present.

Spotting 5 Traits Of Manipulative People And Ways To Cope

Some relationships in life just feel hard. Conversations feel hard, being in the same space feels hard and just overall interaction feels hard. Manipulative people tend to sway personal opinions, always see their side of the situation, and may never let you have your own opinion because they are always pushing theirs. These toxic individuals tend to play the victim, never taking responsibility for their actions or any actions for that matter. Feeling like a puppet on a string? Here is how to identify manipulative people, ways to cope with and handle these types of people.

What Is Manipulation?

Manipulation can come in many forms. It is an unhealthy emotional strategy that individuals use to control a person or situation when they cannot express or ask for things they want or need in a direct manner. Manipulative people can be extremely nice, pushy, or even emotionally abusive. These individuals really have no interest in your life, however, they may pretend to care to get what they want. The truth may often feel distorted, and stories will change in an attempt to cause confusion. Regardless of the type of manipulator, there are traits and tendencies to spot and look for when examining personal relationships.

Traits Of Manipulative People

It is important to examine healthy relationships and understand what makes them healthy. Healthy relationships are ones with two-way communication, support, and boundaries. If there is something that doesn’t feel right, each person can express any concerns in a way that is honest and constructive. When dealing with manipulative people, there may be instances of a positive relationship, but a majority of interactions just feel one-sided. Here are five traits to look for in manipulative people:

1) Avoids Responsibilities. There will hardly be instances where manipulative people take ownership of their actions. It will always be someone else’s fault and seldom will you hear this individual apologize for their actions. It is not that manipulative people don’t know how to take responsibility, it is that they choose not to in order to pass the blame and play the victim card. This can be extremely frustrating especially if they are always the damsel in distress. Watch out for accepting their blame as yours.

2) Detects Weaknesses. We all have personality opportunities and ways we can improve those. Manipulative people often find those opportunities and use them to their advantage. For example, there are people in life who are just nice people. These individuals would do anything for anyone and always sees the good in everybody and everything. You might say they often get taken advantage of because they just see great in everything. A manipulative person would eat that up knowing that they could use this person for favors and if for some a reason a “favor” can’t get done guilt-tripping would set in and the manipulator now has control.

Ways To Cope With Manipulation

Ignore Them. The last thing you want to do is argue with manipulative people because that is them winning. Trying to ignore them might be hard to do if the manipulative person is family, a boss, or coworker. In this case, work on subtly agreeing and then go and do what you should be doing. But if they are not one of those people you’ll need to think about whether or not you want this type of person in your life. If it’s easy enough, hit the delete button!
Have Clear Boundaries. In life, we all need healthy boundaries for ourselves, families, friends, and employers. With manipulative people, you especially need to have clear boundaries and stick to those boundaries. Manipulators tend to prey on “people pleasers” because they know they can get their way. Set up your boundaries and try not to sway from your perspective. By establishing these boundaries you can also set yourself up for success for disengagement if needed.

Get Comfortable With Saying “NO”. This word can be hard for lots of people whether talking to a manipulative person or not. By calmly saying “No” and providing no justification, you are setting your ground with that individual not giving them the power to control the situation. Now they will test you and try to convince you otherwise, but do not give in.
Don’t React. An emotional reaction is a manipulator’s fire starter. Manipulators tend to use those reactions to confuse you in situations so eventually, you feel you are the one to blame for the situation. Dealing with manipulative people can be taxing. Take a deep breath, try and remain calm and not let that manipulative person in your life create chaos and confusion where it is not needed.
Take A Time Out. More times than not, manipulative people will try and push you into a corner with making decisions that you’re not ready to make. Do not feel pressured to respond or even provide any justification for not responding. By taking a time out, you are giving yourself a little space to think about things without the demands of another person waiting for a response. It also gives you the time you might need to process the conversation and to think about an agreement that works for you too.

Having toxic relationships in your life is a sure way to cause undue stress. However, sometimes these relationships are ones that can’t necessarily be deleted from your life. Having the knowledge to identify manipulative people and the tools to handle them can help to ease some of the tension when they are around. Try some of these tips next time and just see how the tides may turn. Good luck!

WANT TO READ MORE?
Check out this article on The Power Of Forgiveness.

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✔️ The nature of the manipulator

E. Shostrom in the book "Anti-Carnegie or Man-Manipulator" described what constitutes a type of social character called "manipulator".

1 A manipulator is a person

2 Character traits of a manipulator (signs)

3 People-manipulators characteristics of types0005

7 How to deal with manipulators

7.1 Related topics:

The manipulator is a person

“The manipulator is a skillful gambler with life who is constantly trying to hide his empty card. A professional player knows how to perfectly portray indifference, but what a nervous strain this indifferent mine costs him!

Character traits of a manipulator (signs)

Watch this person carefully. He needs to master the situation at all costs: he is able to impose his will on everything, he tries to manipulate any phrase, any situation. Keep a calm and friendly tone, because you have penetrated his tactics.

A person is not born a Manipulator. He develops the ability to manipulate other people in order to avoid trouble and achieve what he wants, and he develops this ability unconsciously.

The modern Manipulator, according to Shostrom, developed from a market orientation, when a person is a thing about which one needs to know a lot and which one must be able to manage.

Hiding one's true emotions is the lot of the Manipulator. The Manipulator sees his main task in making some “proper impression”.

Along with the need to control, the Manipulator also needs guidance from above.

Manipulation is not a necessary attitude to life and does not bring any real benefit. Too often, the Manipulator uses psychological concepts as rational explanations for their dysfunctional behavior, justifying their current misfortunes with references to past experiences and past failures.

A manipulator is a person who embarked on the path of self-destruction , which uses or controls itself and other people as "things".

Since the Manipulator lives in each of us to some extent, let's see if we can't isolate it more clearly.

Human manipulators characteristics of types

Dictator . He exaggerates his strength. He dominates, orders, quotes authorities and does everything to control his victims. Varieties of the Dictator : Abbess, Abbot (Hegumen), Chief, Boss, junior Bosses.
Rag (weakling) - usually a victim of the Dictator, the polar opposite. Rag develops great skill in interacting with the Dictator. He exaggerates his sensitivity, he forgets, he does not hear, he is passively silent. Types of Rag : Suspicious, Stupid, "Chameleon", Conformist, Shy, Yielding.
Calculator exaggerates its control. He deceives, magnifies, lies, tries to outsmart and trick other people. Calculator Variations : Dealer, Swindler, Gambler, Advertiser, Blackmailer, Predictor.
Sticky . It is the polar opposite of the Calculator. He exaggerates his addiction. This is a person who longs to be led, fooled, the subject of worries. He lets others do the work for him. Varieties of : Parasite, Whiner, Eternal Child, Hypochondriac, Dependent, Helpless.
Hooligan . He exaggerates his aggressiveness, cruelty, hostility. He is an Insult, a Hater, a Gangster, a Threat. Female variation - Grumpy woman ("saw").
Nice Guy . He exaggerates his caring, love, kills with his kindness. In some ways, running into him is more harmful than the Bully. The Nice Guy almost always wins. Varieties of : Compliant, Benevolent, Moralist, Organizational person.
Judge . He exaggerates his criticism. He does not trust anyone, is full of accusations, indignation, forgives with difficulty. Varieties : All-Knowing, Revealer, Evidence Collector, Bailiff, Disgracing, Appraiser, Avenger, Confessor.
Protector . The opposite of Judge. He overemphasizes his support and indulgence for mistakes. He spoils others by sympathizing beyond measure and preventing his clients from getting back on their feet and growing on their own. Instead of minding his own business, he is ready to take care of the needs of others. Defender Options : Hen, Comforter, Protector, Student, Helper, Selfless.

One of these types or a combination of them is hypertrophied in the Manipulator. If we are one of the types of the Manipulator in the most pronounced degree, we project its opposite onto the people around us and make them our targets. For example, it is not uncommon for a Rag-wife to choose a Dictator husband and then govern him with all sorts of subversive methods.

Why people become manipulators

The main reason for the manipulation of , according to Frederick Perls, is in the eternal conflict of a person with himself, therefore a person never trusts himself completely, but he does not trust others even more. “Therefore, he embarks on a path of manipulation so that the “others” are always on his leash, so that he can control them and, under this condition, trust them more.”

Erich Fromm puts forward the second reason for manipulation : wanting to get love, the manipulator seeks to gain complete power over the other person: power that makes the other person do what HE wants; think what HE wants; feel what HE wants.

The third reason for manipulation : since risk and uncertainty surround people from all sides, the person often feels helpless, so the passive manipulator says: “I cannot control everything that can happen to me, so I will not control anything. I give up, do what you want with me!" - and at the same time, ultimately - achieves its goals using its external helplessness. An active manipulator actively uses the impotence of other people, with pleasure rules over people, trying to make them as dependent on himself as possible.

The fourth reason for manipulation : a manipulator is a person who seeks to avoid intimacy in relationships and a difficult situation, therefore he treats people ritually (E. Bern, W. Glasser).

The fifth reason for manipulation : a person seeks the approval of everyone and everyone, therefore he is forced to pretend, hide his feelings, thoughts and desires, cannot be truthful and honest with others, but by hook or by crook he tries to please everyone (A. Ellis ).

Features of manipulators

Lifestyle Manipulator includes four main characteristics: lies, unconsciousness, control and cynicism.

The Manipulator's philosophy of life is marked by four opposite characteristics: honesty, awareness, freedom and trust.

Secrets of successful manipulation of a person

Manipulation is a lifestyle, it is a life scenario that regulates the entire system of interaction with the world, aimed at controlling both oneself and others. For example, the Rag Wife has turned her entire existence into a subtle campaign to make her Dictator husband responsible for all of her life's troubles. This is not just a separate random game, this is a scenario for their entire life together.

There are four main manipulative systems .

1. Active Manipulator attempts to control others through active methods. He avoids showing his weakness in relationships, taking on the role of full strength. Usually he attracts his social position to this (parent, older brother, teacher, boss). He plays the trampler and achieves satisfaction by gaining control over other people, but is dependent for his satisfaction on their sense of powerlessness. He uses the technique of establishing rights and obligations, tables of ranks, etc., controlling people like puppets.

2. Passive Manipulator is the opposite of active. He decides that since he cannot control life, he will give up the effort and allow himself to be controlled by the active Manipulator. He pretends to be helpless and stupid and plays the "trampled" out of himself. At the same time, the passive manipulator wins through defeat. Allowing the active Manipulator to think and work for him, in a certain sense he defeats the "trampling" one with his lethargy and passivity.

3. The Competitive Manipulator sees life as a state that requires constant vigilance, because here you can either win or lose, there is no middle ground. For him, life is a battle, where all other people are rivals or enemies, real or potential. He oscillates between the methods of "trampling" and "trampling" and therefore can be seen as a cross between a passive and an active Manipulator.

4. C indifference manipulation system is the basic form of the manipulative system. The manipulator plays the role of an indifferent person, hoping for nothing and trying to slip away, to avoid contact with a partner. His catchphrase is "I don't give a damn." He treats the other person like an inanimate doll. His methods are also both passive and active, sometimes he plays Boredom, sometimes Grumpy Saw, Martyr or Helpless. His secret, of course, is that he does not give a damn, otherwise he would not have continued his manipulations.

Such relationships often exist between husbands and wives. An example of this is the “threat of divorce” game, when the Manipulator hopes to subdue a partner, and not at all break up with him. Since the Manipulator treats the other as an inanimate object, such an indifferent attitude gradually kills the soul in him. That is why they call his attitude towards others self-destructive.

How to deal with people who are manipulators

Thus, the philosophy of the active manipulator is based on dominating and dominating at all costs.

The philosophy of the passive manipulator is never to be irritated.

Competitive manipulator 's philosophy is to win at any cost.

The philosophy of the indifferent manipulator is to reject caring.

This is very important to understand, because the manipulator, no matter how cunning, is predictable, and if you correctly diagnose him, then you can calculate how he will behave in a given situation.

Having considered various systems of manipulation, we come to the conclusion that they are all based on the same philosophy: The manipulator treats himself and other people as inanimate objects. The manipulator is never himself, he cannot even relax, because his system of games and maneuvers requires him to constantly play the proper role.

7 signs of a real manipulator - how to recognize a Machiavellian

Dark Triad Machiavellian: what to do if you feel that you are being used. And why is it inevitable.

Feeling used is not very pleasant, is it? Especially when you do not immediately understand this, act sincerely and, it would seem, at will. Why did you work - and someone else got the benefit? Why did you sincerely love your wife - and she took everything from you? How did it happen that the business partner took all the profits, leaving you in the cold?

Actually, we don't know. But we can assume that these are just such people. Machiavellian. Not followers of the teachings of Niccolo Machiavelli, an Italian thinker and diplomat of the Renaissance. And people with certain personality traits.

Machiavellianism is not only a term in political science, but also a specific personality trait that is part of the so-called dark triad in psychology.

Psychopaths, narcissists and Machiavellians - this is the very dark triad, people who can ruin the life of a decent person no worse than alcohol and drugs. There is even a funny anecdote about them. A narcissist, a psychopath, and a Machiavellian walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Which one of you has the darkest personality?" “I am,” the narcissist replies. “I don’t give a damn,” says the psychopath. “That’s how I want it,” says the Machiavellian. What does this mean? The fact that the Machiavellian is a born manipulator, convinced that any means can and should be used to achieve the goal. Lie, deceive, flatter and tell the person what he wants to hear. How does it work?

At my will

The term, as you might guess, comes from the name of Niccolò Machiavelli, who wrote the book The Prince. An important book, but rather dangerous if taken up by an immature mind. A dexterous diplomat and cynical politician, Machiavelli outlined in it his views on the principles of government and methods of government and the qualities that an ideal ruler should possess.

And from this place - in more detail. “A reasonable ruler cannot and should not remain true to his promise if this harms his interests and if the reasons that prompted him to make a promise have disappeared,” he declares. And he continues: “Such advice would be unworthy if people honestly kept their word, but people, being bad, do not keep their words, therefore you should do the same with them.”

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Several centuries passed before cognitive psychologists discovered that some people act exactly according to the principles proposed by Machiavelli. But not because they read the book.

To lie, dodge, achieving their goals - this is inherent in their character from the very beginning.

They are initially convinced that all people are bad and vicious by nature: people for such manipulators are just a tool to achieve goals. And why not use this tool if you know how? That is why such people easily present any situation in a way that suits them.

The idea that Machiavellian traits can be embedded in a personality belongs to the American psychologist Richard Christie: from the late 50s of the last century at Columbia University in New York, he conducted research on this topic, until in 1970, together with another social psychologist, Florence Geys, did not offer a scale for measuring the Machiavellian traits inherent in every person.

By passing the McTest , which consists of 20 statements with which you can agree or disagree, everyone can determine how cynical a bastard he is. However, don't you know this about yourself?

How to recognize a manipulator

We really may not know about others. Tall Mac (that's what people who get high scores on a test are called) is also a manipulator because you are unlikely to understand that you are being controlled. However, we will tell you everything!

In general, Machiavellians flourish in fights without rules - that is, in incomprehensible situations and conditions when there are no certain schemes according to which one must act.

They are smart, charming, open, tell people what they want to hear, while completely devoid of emotions and, when they need it, they can put pressure on guilt.

They don't know what conscience or morality is, they don't have principles. They are convenient to work with in a team - especially if you need to by all means bypass another team. But to love them, to be friends with them is almost impossible and often quite painful.

7 features of the manipulator

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- He is focused only on himself and his needs.
- Money and power are more important to him than friendships.
- He is charming and confident.
- He lies and does not keep his promises if it suits him.
- He often uses flattery as an argument.
- He never reveals his true intentions.
- He "reads" people well and knows how to calculate the situation.

How a manipulator succeeds

It's understandable that tall Macs are unscrupulous bastards. But how do they manage to navigate the situation so well? The answer to this question was given by a study in 2012, which was conducted by Hungarian scientists Andrea Szybor and Tamas Bereshke. The results of the study were published in the collection Personality and Individual Differences.

They invited different people to play a game, after asking them to take a Mac test and find out how highly developed their Machiavellian traits are. The game is simple: the participants were given a certain number of tokens, of which they had to donate some “to charity” from time to time. Participants determined the amount of donations themselves.

At the end of the game, all accumulated funds were divided equally among the participants, regardless of who contributed how much. Following the behavior of the players, psychologists have discovered an interesting feature.

The Tall Macs kept a close eye on the behavior of other players and changed tactics depending on the changes. At the same time, the low Macs were focused only on themselves, determined the amount of the donation based on their abilities, did not pay attention to others - and ultimately lost. Does this mean that in competitions it makes sense to observe others? We do not know (the author of this text is definitely not the tallest Mac). However, keep in mind: the Machiavellian, like Big Brother, sees you - if he needs something from you. And he certainly knows you well.

So, perhaps a new friend who seems to understand the secret corners of your soul, or an understanding boss for whom you are ready to break a cake, is the most natural Machiavellian.

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