Personality disorders similar to narcissism
Personality disorders - Symptoms and causes
Overview
A personality disorder is a type of mental disorder in which you have a rigid and unhealthy pattern of thinking, functioning and behaving. A person with a personality disorder has trouble perceiving and relating to situations and people. This causes significant problems and limitations in relationships, social activities, work and school.
In some cases, you may not realize that you have a personality disorder because your way of thinking and behaving seems natural to you. And you may blame others for the challenges you face.
Personality disorders usually begin in the teenage years or early adulthood. There are many types of personality disorders. Some types may become less obvious throughout middle age.
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Symptoms
Types of personality disorders are grouped into three clusters, based on similar characteristics and symptoms. Many people with one personality disorder also have signs and symptoms of at least one additional personality disorder. It's not necessary to exhibit all the signs and symptoms listed for a disorder to be diagnosed.
Cluster A personality disorders
Cluster A personality disorders are characterized by odd, eccentric thinking or behavior. They include paranoid personality disorder, schizoid personality disorder and schizotypal personality disorder.
Paranoid personality disorder
- Pervasive distrust and suspicion of others and their motives
- Unjustified belief that others are trying to harm or deceive you
- Unjustified suspicion of the loyalty or trustworthiness of others
- Hesitancy to confide in others due to unreasonable fear that others will use the information against you
- Perception of innocent remarks or nonthreatening situations as personal insults or attacks
- Angry or hostile reaction to perceived slights or insults
- Tendency to hold grudges
- Unjustified, recurrent suspicion that spouse or sexual partner is unfaithful
Schizoid personality disorder
- Lack of interest in social or personal relationships, preferring to be alone
- Limited range of emotional expression
- Inability to take pleasure in most activities
- Inability to pick up normal social cues
- Appearance of being cold or indifferent to others
- Little or no interest in having sex with another person
Schizotypal personality disorder
- Peculiar dress, thinking, beliefs, speech or behavior
- Odd perceptual experiences, such as hearing a voice whisper your name
- Flat emotions or inappropriate emotional responses
- Social anxiety and a lack of or discomfort with close relationships
- Indifferent, inappropriate or suspicious response to others
- "Magical thinking" — believing you can influence people and events with your thoughts
- Belief that certain casual incidents or events have hidden messages meant only for you
Cluster B personality disorders
Cluster B personality disorders are characterized by dramatic, overly emotional or unpredictable thinking or behavior.
They include antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder.
Antisocial personality disorder
- Disregard for others' needs or feelings
- Persistent lying, stealing, using aliases, conning others
- Recurring problems with the law
- Repeated violation of the rights of others
- Aggressive, often violent behavior
- Disregard for the safety of self or others
- Impulsive behavior
- Consistently irresponsible
- Lack of remorse for behavior
Borderline personality disorder
- Impulsive and risky behavior, such as having unsafe sex, gambling or binge eating
- Unstable or fragile self-image
- Unstable and intense relationships
- Up and down moods, often as a reaction to interpersonal stress
- Suicidal behavior or threats of self-injury
- Intense fear of being alone or abandoned
- Ongoing feelings of emptiness
- Frequent, intense displays of anger
- Stress-related paranoia that comes and goes
Histrionic personality disorder
- Constantly seeking attention
- Excessively emotional, dramatic or sexually provocative to gain attention
- Speaks dramatically with strong opinions, but few facts or details to back them up
- Easily influenced by others
- Shallow, rapidly changing emotions
- Excessive concern with physical appearance
- Thinks relationships with others are closer than they really are
Narcissistic personality disorder
- Belief that you're special and more important than others
- Fantasies about power, success and attractiveness
- Failure to recognize others' needs and feelings
- Exaggeration of achievements or talents
- Expectation of constant praise and admiration
- Arrogance
- Unreasonable expectations of favors and advantages, often taking advantage of others
- Envy of others or belief that others envy you
Cluster C personality disorders
Cluster C personality disorders are characterized by anxious, fearful thinking or behavior.
They include avoidant personality disorder, dependent personality disorder and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder.
Avoidant personality disorder
- Too sensitive to criticism or rejection
- Feeling inadequate, inferior or unattractive
- Avoidance of work activities that require interpersonal contact
- Socially inhibited, timid and isolated, avoiding new activities or meeting strangers
- Extreme shyness in social situations and personal relationships
- Fear of disapproval, embarrassment or ridicule
Dependent personality disorder
- Excessive dependence on others and feeling the need to be taken care of
- Submissive or clingy behavior toward others
- Fear of having to provide self-care or fend for yourself if left alone
- Lack of self-confidence, requiring excessive advice and reassurance from others to make even small decisions
- Difficulty starting or doing projects on your own due to lack of self-confidence
- Difficulty disagreeing with others, fearing disapproval
- Tolerance of poor or abusive treatment, even when other options are available
- Urgent need to start a new relationship when a close one has ended
Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder
- Preoccupation with details, orderliness and rules
- Extreme perfectionism, resulting in dysfunction and distress when perfection is not achieved, such as feeling unable to finish a project because you don't meet your own strict standards
- Desire to be in control of people, tasks and situations, and inability to delegate tasks
- Neglect of friends and enjoyable activities because of excessive commitment to work or a project
- Inability to discard broken or worthless objects
- Rigid and stubborn
- Inflexible about morality, ethics or values
- Tight, miserly control over budgeting and spending money
Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder is not the same as obsessive-compulsive disorder, a type of anxiety disorder.
When to see a doctor
If you have any signs or symptoms of a personality disorder, see your doctor or other primary care professional or a mental health professional. Untreated, personality disorders can cause significant problems in your life that may get worse without treatment.
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Causes
Personality is the combination of thoughts, emotions and behaviors that makes you unique. It's the way you view, understand and relate to the outside world, as well as how you see yourself. Personality forms during childhood, shaped through an interaction of:
- Your genes. Certain personality traits may be passed on to you by your parents through inherited genes. These traits are sometimes called your temperament.
- Your environment. This involves the surroundings you grew up in, events that occurred, and relationships with family members and others.
Personality disorders are thought to be caused by a combination of these genetic and environmental influences. Your genes may make you vulnerable to developing a personality disorder, and a life situation may trigger the actual development.
Risk factors
Although the precise cause of personality disorders is not known, certain factors seem to increase the risk of developing or triggering personality disorders, including:
- Family history of personality disorders or other mental illness
- Abusive, unstable or chaotic family life during childhood
- Being diagnosed with childhood conduct disorder
- Variations in brain chemistry and structure
Complications
Personality disorders can significantly disrupt the lives of both the affected person and those who care about that person. Personality disorders may cause problems with relationships, work or school, and can lead to social isolation or alcohol or drug abuse.
By Mayo Clinic Staff
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Borderline and Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Based on some overlapping symptoms, borderline personality disorder (BPD) and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are two mental health disorders that are often mistaken for one another.
Both disorders are cluster B personality disorders, which are characterized by overly emotional or unpredictable thinking or behavior. The BPD and NPD relationship is interesting as the disorders have a co-occurrence rate of approximately 25%, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).
When examining borderline personality disorder vs. narcissism, it’s important to note that although these disorders share some common symptoms, they’re each distinct with their own set of diagnostic criteria. For example, both disorders deal with conflict in a way that’s unhealthy to themselves and those around them. However, it’s the expression of the anger that results from the conflict that’s different.
In her article “Blame-Storms and Rage Attacks”, Randi Kreger, co-author of Walking on Eggshells, points out the difference in how those with BPD and NPD express anger. While those with borderline personality disorder may fly into a rage and push people away, they will often calm down, feel shame for their reaction, and promise never to do it again.
“Unless they’re in treatment, the underlying issues don’t go away. Some conventional [borderlines] do not get angry at all but hold it in or express it inwardly through self-harm,” says Kreger.
“The anger of narcissists, on the other hand, can be more demeaning,” she continues. “Their criticism evolves from their conviction that others don’t meet their lofty standards — or worse, aren’t letting them get their own way.”
What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
So, what is narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)? Like borderline personality disorder, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) lists nine common symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder. If an individual exhibits five of these nine symptoms consistently, they meet the criteria for an NPD diagnosis.
- An exaggerated sense of one’s own abilities and achievements
- A constant need for attention, affirmation, and praise
- A belief that you are unique or “special,” and should only associate with other people of the same status
- Persistent fantasies about attaining success and power
- Exploiting other people for personal gain
- A sense of entitlement and expectation of special treatment
- A preoccupation with power or success
- Feeling envious of others, or believing that others are envious of you
- A lack of empathy for others
The BPD and NPD Relationship
Narcissistic personality disorder can exist on its own but can also co-occur with borderline personality disorder.
It’s vital to understand the BPD and NPD relationship because some of the symptoms of both disorders overlap. If you mix and match the symptoms of NPD with the symptoms of BPD, you’ll get someone who’s struggling in their everyday life.
When comparing borderline personality disorder vs. narcissism, another similarity is that both people with NPD and people with BPD struggle with an intense fear of abandonment. Enhancing that fear of abandonment is the fact that sustaining relationships with others in the face of these symptoms is a challenge. “Intense and stormy relationships” is, in fact, one of the characterizing symptoms of borderline personality disorder.
In an article for Psychology Today, Susan Heitler, PhD, author, and Harvard graduate, describes emotionally healthy functioning in the absence of BPD or NPD: “Emotionally healthy functioning is characterized by ability to hear your own concerns, thoughts, and feelings and also to be responsive to others’ concerns.”
In the world of the narcissist, that second part just isn’t present.
Narcissists can’t step outside of themselves to consider the opinions of others. This affects someone with NPD socially and emotionally, including their ability to maintain relationships.
On the other hand, those with BPD are often over-responsive to other’s concerns, especially when they are in the “idealization” phase of a relationship. But anger and resentment from putting the other’s concerns first inevitably cycles around, causing resentment, at which point the relationship will enter the “devaluation” phase.
The key to a healthy relationship, says Heitler, is finding the point where each individual’s concerns are taken into consideration. “When differences arise, socially effective folks are pros at finding win-win solutions because they routinely hear and take into consideration both their own and other people’s concerns,” she said.
Treatment for Personality Disorders
At Clearview Treatment Programs, we provide treatment for various mental health disorders, including cluster B personality disorders. Our clinicians create customized treatment plans based on each client’s needs. These treatment plans can include various therapies like acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), cognitive behavior therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and mindfulness.
If you’re struggling and need help, we’re here for you. At Clearview, we offer several treatment programs and have experience with and expertise in treating both disorders. Our treatment programs include our Dual Diagnosis Treatment Center, our Women’s Treatment Center, and our outpatient treatment centers.
To get started today, call us at 855.977.4017 or fill out our contact form.
3 types of narcissistic behavior
Having an addiction to food, in most cases, we create a co-dependent relationship. Codependent relationships tend to involve narcissistic people or people who have narcissistic parents.
Interestingly, there are still no studies of who is more among narcissists: men or women.
In today's world, the term "narcissist" means nothing more than a person who loves himself too much and tries to look good, but narcissism is much more complicated than this superficial concept. Narcissism comes in many shades, from extra healthy to pathological grandiosity. It is necessary to distinguish the narrow-minded concept of "narcissist" from the full-blown narcissistic personality disorder.
How the relationship will develop in a pair with Narcissus, you can determine already on the first date.
When we try to imagine a narcissist - as a rule, in our imagination there is a sociable, self-confident person, the soul of the company, who always tries to be in the spotlight. However, this is only a general collective image, despite the fact that in reality there are many varieties and manifestations of narcissistic personality disorders.
In psychotherapy, the whole variety of narcissistic personality disorders is divided into 3 main subtypes: Open (Constructive Narcissism), Closed (Deficit Narcissism) and Poisonous (Destructive Narcissism). You can find different classifications and names from different authors, and the number of subtypes distinguished can also vary. Those narcissists that I call Poisonous are constantly criticizing themselves and those around them. In general, in order to understand the difference between these three subgroups, it is enough to highlight their basic psychological need. In short, then:
- Open daffodils: want to be admired;
- Closed narcissists: emotionally dependent on a partner, his success and position in society;
- Poisonous narcissists: strive for dominance and try to morally destroy the other person.
Why do you need to know which subgroup your Narcissist belongs to?
If you plan to continue dating a person suffering from narcissistic personality disorder, you need to be clear about what awaits you and how your relationship will develop. Already at the moment when you realize that your potential partner is somehow suffering from a narcissistic disorder, you will be able to determine what kind of person he is. If you have already studied the topic of narcissism enough, you probably noticed that the narcissist:
- Too concerned about self-esteem;
- Egocentric;
- Not able to empathize with others;
- Differs in hypersensitivity to occurring events;
- Loses self-control easily;
- Unable to adequately assess himself and others;
- Very worried about his reputation.
These characteristics make it difficult for people with narcissistic personality disorder to maintain stable friendships and romantic relationships.
Narcissistic subgroups
In view of the above, assigning an individual to one or another subgroup allows us to determine quite precisely how the relationship will develop.
It is possible that you have already met a narcissist once without realizing it.
Each of the three narcissistic subgroups has its own "scenario" for the development of relationships. The problem is that in society it is customary to consider only those who belong to the Open subgroup as narcissists. Therefore, many may not even be aware that they have some form of narcissistic personality disorder. It is possible that you have been married to a Closed Narcissist for many years without even realizing it.
When a relationship breaks out and a spouse's narcissistic disorder suddenly kicks in, people ask me, "How could my husband suddenly become a narcissist after all these years?" The answer is negative. Narcissistic personality disorder is formed in childhood and can be diagnosed already in early adulthood. You just didn't notice its manifestation until this particular moment.
Why did the narcissistic disorder suddenly manifest itself now?
Most likely, your spouse has recently experienced some kind of serious life crisis that has seriously shaken his self-esteem. In trying to cope with this challenge, he had to step up his narcissistic "self-defense". And that, in turn, made you pay attention to his narcissistic disorder.
Throughout your relationship, your spouse may have repeatedly used similar defensive tactics and exhibited his narcissistic "features." You just didn't understand the real reason before. But once you determine what is behind it, you will finally be able to understand what was behind the many conflicts and quarrels that you have had to go through over all these long years.
Let's try to give a brief description of each of the three narcissistic subgroups and their typical relationship scenarios.
Below is a brief description of the three main types of narcissistic personality disorder, as well as the most typical first date behaviors of narcissists. The way they behave on the first date allows you to determine in advance how your future relationship will be built. This means that you can decide in advance how expedient it is to continue this relationship. It is important to remember that on the first date, the narcissist will try to make you look better than he really is. And if already on the first date you feel uncomfortable in his company, you can be sure that in the future this feeling will only intensify.
Narcissists are quite easy to "read" by their behavior. What's more, they tend to carry the same model across all their relationships. So you can be sure that the way he behaves on the first date will be repeated again and again.
Open Narcissists
Perhaps this is the most popular subgroup. These people love to be the center of attention. They tend to dominate conversations, feel entitled to special treatment, act supremely self-confident, and love to tell stories and give advice. In case of danger, they begin to behave like "Great Almighty Critics".
Narcissists use this behavior to drown out their insecurities and low self-esteem. Instead of remaining ordinary people with their own strengths and weaknesses, they begin to convince everyone around them that they are special and that they always know best what to do in a given situation. They also expect others to agree with their point of view, which is non-negotiable.
However, this is only a very thin protective "facade" behind which narcissists hide their experiences. This is why Open Narcissists are hyper-sensitive to all external stimuli. They lose their temper very quickly and lose their temper easily. They may show cruelty towards others due to the fact that they are not capable of empathy.
In those rare moments when they don't brag about their accomplishments or tell stories about their loved ones, they criticize and devalue anyone who disagrees with them. They may brutally taunt those within earshot: "Oh my God, she looks awfully fat in that dress!" or "I can't believe our waiter is so dumb!" They don't care about other people's reactions to their attitudes and actions. They are so blinded by their defense that they think everyone either agrees with them or thinks what they say is funny.
Example: Sergey and Elena's date.
Sergey, entrepreneur, open narcissist, asked Elena, a pretty woman whom he met on the Internet on a dating site, for a date. Here is how each of them described this date later:
Sergei: “I think I impressed her! I told her about my powerful friends, I took her to a fantastic restaurant, ordered a great dinner and chose a great wine that she had never tasted before. I can't wait for the next date. She's hot! Next time after the restaurant, we will go to my house.”
Elena: “It was a wasted evening. The date was just awful. All he did was talk about himself all evening. He didn't care at all about me. He ordered me a steak and red wine despite my protest. I don't eat red meat and was about to order a salmon steak - it looked so appetizing! I wanted to try that peach cocktail with vodka, but he insisted on red wine ... And so it went on all evening. If he even calls me or writes me one more time, I won’t even pick up the phone!”
Typical Relationship Scenario with an Open Narcissist: They are insensitive and domineering. They expect you to admire them and agree with them on everything. Disagreement is seen as criticism and provokes a sharp negative response. They need a partner to constantly remind them that they are special, perfect, and always right about everything.
Closed Narcissists
Unlike their "brothers" from the first subgroup, closed narcissists do not like to be in the center of attention. They want to be "special", but at the same time they are very aggressive. From childhood, they are taught that those around them envy them because they are “special”. Such children often grow up with parents - Open Narcissists, who from childhood belittle the dignity of their child, because they see him as a rival. The only time a parent praised or admired such a child was when the child admired his parent. Thus, their own "megalomania" is constantly suppressed, and the child grows up deeply insecure.
Closed narcissists are uncomfortable being the center of attention and accepting compliments. They are afraid that sooner or later they will be “punished” for this praise, and their achievements will be devalued - as their parents did in childhood. Such people often enter into unhealthy dependent relationships, religious sects, and so on. This way they feel safe.
You will never hear from them: "I'm special, you should admire me!". Rather, he will convince you of the particularity and uniqueness of his partner, hobbies, hobbies, religion.
Instead of openly demanding things, closeted narcissists sometimes try to manipulate people into getting what they want. They may play the victim and press on compassion to convince you of something. They often try to appear better than they really are.
Many people with closed narcissistic personality disorder let their more confident friends manipulate them. They hope to receive praise for their efforts and endeavors.
Example: a date between Sergei and Ekaterina.
We already know Sergey from the first example. Now he has his first date with Ekaterina, the Closed Narcissist. Here is how they later commented on that evening:
Sergey : in general, his impressions of a date with Ekaterina are not much different from a date with Elena - we can say that he uses the same relationship scenario with all the girls. For open narcissists like Sergei, partners tend to be interchangeable as long as they perform the function he needs.
“I think I impressed her! I told her about my powerful friends, I took her to a fantastic restaurant, ordered a great dinner and chose a great wine that she had never tasted before. I can't wait for the next date. She's hot! Next time after the restaurant, we will go to my house.”
Ekaterina: “I really liked Sergey, he is amazing! I can't even believe that I can be interested in him. He's so confident! I liked that he organized everything himself and even helped me choose a dish in the restaurant. It's amazing that he guessed that I like steak and good red wine!
Being a closed narcissist, Ekaterina idealizes Sergei and praises those of his narcissistic qualities that Elena did not like so much. In addition, Catherine does not see the true motives of Sergei. Unlike Elena, who quickly saw through the selfish Sergey, Ekaterina idealizes his imperious qualities. She confuses confidence and selfishness.
Typical Relationship Development Scenario with a Closed Narcissist: They choose as partners those who idealize their personal qualities, who do not doubt their perfection and superiority. They are very dependent on this praise and are grateful for even a small compliment and praise addressed to them. They often enter into relationships with Open Narcissists because they mistake their external "magnificence" for true self-confidence.
Poisonous Daffodils
This is perhaps the most unpleasant subgroup. It’s not enough for them just to be in the spotlight, they also need to morally destroy and suppress those around them. Among them are often sadists who love to humiliate and hurt other people. They want their partner to obey and fear them.
Some of them could well have become Open Narcissists, but at some point something went wrong . .. Inside they harbor resentment that they could not live up to their unrealistic fantasies of limitless achievement. They are boundlessly jealous of those who have something that they would like to have themselves. Instead of building personal happiness and well-being, they do everything possible to ruin the lives of others and level their achievements.
Their venomous intentions are quite obvious when expressed openly. An example would be the head bully of the class, who constantly mocks those who are weaker than him, or the boss, who every day humiliates his subordinates in front of colleagues: “You ruined everything again! What an idiot you are! Maybe you just want to be fired and then you can sit at home and get unemployment benefits because you are too lazy to work?!”.
Poisonous daffodils can also hide their true motives quite well. You probably have some kind of aunt who constantly torments you with uncomfortable questions, putting you in an uncomfortable position in front of the whole family, for example: “Why are you so fat? At your age, your parents weren't that fat” or “You should be really ashamed that you lost your job again! How many times have you been fired? It's strange why such a bright girl like you is not able to stay in one place?
Example: Sergey and Yulia
Our old friend Sergey asked Yulia, a poisonous daffodil, for a date. Sergei once again tried to crank out the same scheme. And this is what came out of it.
Sergey: “Let me order for you. I know you'll be delighted."
Julia : (After tasting the steak and taking a few sips of wine). “Oh, what a pity that quality beef is not served in restaurants today. But don't get upset. You are not the only one being deceived. Many people do not even suspect that they are eating a fake, simply because they have never tasted truly delicious meat in their lives! But the wine is pretty good. I understand why you chose this particular wine - compared to other wines on the menu, this is nothing ... ".
As you probably noticed, Yulia is trying in every possible way to pull over the role of leader to herself and suppress Sergey. She consistently destroys everything that can give Sergei pleasure. According to Yulia, she is a true steak and wine expert, and poor Sergey has simply never tasted truly delicious meat and wine. She does her best to belittle Sergei.
Typical Relationship Development Scenario with a Poisonous Narcissist : Their main goal is to assert themselves against your background, to make you feel inferior and inadequate. Living with them is sheer humiliation. You can never please them. They will never praise you. Your self-confidence with which you entered into a relationship with them is likely to be destroyed and replaced by self-doubt.
Devaluation and Narcissistic Personality Disorder
All narcissists devalue other people in one way or another in order to maintain the illusion of their own uniqueness. They may say terrible things to you that will make you believe you are worthless. The only thing that distinguishes the three types of narcissists is the object of their humiliation.
Open narcissists : will openly belittle other people from whom they cannot get admiration, or who suddenly decide to criticize them. However, they are unlikely to attack those who are undeniably superior to them in status or achievement - only on their equals and those who, in their opinion, are clearly inferior to them in greatness.
Because of this feature, some mistakenly confuse Open Daffodils with Poisonous Daffodils. As you can see from the examples above, Open Narcissist Sergey tried in every possible way to earn admiration, while Yulia, Poisonous Narcissist, immediately began to belittle Sergey.
Closed Narcissists : Poisonous narcissists are more likely to criticize themselves than those around them. They constantly apologize. If they criticize other people, it is usually behind their backs or in the form of sarcastic statements about them. They are more openly envious than publicly insulting or attacking others.
Poisonous daffodils: Poisonous daffodils love to confuse people. They also love to confuse people. They often begin communication by belittling the dignity of their interlocutor, putting him in an awkward position - the example of Yulia and Sergey. They can do it both explicitly and covertly. Unlike Open Narcissists, who at first try their best to impress their interlocutor with their greatness and resort to criticism only when they fail to get the desired admiration, poisonous narcissists immediately use their favorite weapon. They would rather be feared than admired.
Conclusion
As you can see from the examples above, there are different kinds of daffodils. People with narcissistic personality disorder can be divided into three general subgroups: open, closed, and toxic narcissists, based on how they deal with a major problem in the narcissist's life: What can I do to restore my shattered self-esteem?
All narcissists use other people to restore their self-esteem. If you are thinking about entering into a relationship with a narcissist (or are already in a relationship with him), it will be useful for you to determine which subgroup your partner belongs to. So you can better understand what role he assigns to you in your relationship, and what you can expect from him in the future. Depending on your personality and beliefs, you may be quite comfortable with one type of narcissist, while another type can literally drive you crazy.
Know that it is never too late to change your life and relationships! It is possible to create a healthy, fulfilling, happy relationship with a man. Often this requires therapeutic work. The specialists of our Clinic have all the practical tools for the treatment of co-dependent relationships, especially with narcissistic types of people.
Narcissism - what it is, signs and causes of narcissistic personality disorder Crimean
Surely among your acquaintances there is someone about whom you thought “yes, he is a typical narcissist”. Most likely, the description of this person will look like this: self-confident, ambitious, somewhat selfish. Possibly manipulative.
The term "narcissism" sounds everywhere: in psychological blogs, films, "Tiktok". There are articles and studies about him. But often in them this phenomenon is simplified and stigmatized. Who are narcissists, should they be avoided, and when can one speak of a narcissistic disorder?
What is narcissism
Psychologically, narcissism is an exaggerated view of one's contribution to society or a group, otherwise known as excessive narcissism or even self-centeredness. This is not a monolithic concept, but a whole spectrum. To some extent, its features are present in many of us, this is normal and even useful in some ways. For example, people with a narcissistic temperament are often ambitious, take care of themselves and achieve great success in their careers.
Depending on how pronounced narcissistic tendencies are and whether they interfere with life, the spectrum of narcissism can be divided into four parts:
- individual features
- character
- accentuation
- personality disorder.
Character and accentuation are options for a healthy manifestation of narcissism, and a personality disorder is already a psychiatric diagnosis.
Related material
The extreme degree of the norm is the narcissistic accentuation of the personality. This means that the narcissistic qualities of character are so pronounced that in some cases they begin to interfere with a person's life. They can affect his relationships with others or the professional sphere. However, their influence is not so serious as to diagnose a personality disorder. For example, they can lead to conflicts with superiors or prevent a person from sincerely opening up to another, removing the mask of ideality.
What qualities are considered narcissistic
Based on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory, one of the most popular tools for identifying non-clinical cases of narcissism, the following qualities can be considered narcissistic:
- Demonstration.
It is expressed in the idea of one's own unusualness, uniqueness, physical attractiveness and ability to influence others
- Authority. Confidence in possessing leadership qualities, the ability to influence others, power over people, the ability to succeed.
- Chosenness. The feeling of one's own peculiarity, the expectation of an exceptionally good attitude, respect, recognition of one's merits, submission to one's requirements and desires.
- Vanity. The desire to look good in the eyes of others, the need to confirm one's superiority, the desire to hear flattery from other people.
- Self-sufficiency. Confidence in one's independence from people in achieving results, competence, responsibility for making decisions, confidence in the correctness of one's actions, the ability to live in accordance with one's desires, the ability to become a great person.
- Excellence. Conviction in the extraordinary and uniqueness of one's personality, the presence of special achievements and talents, the deserving of appropriate recognition from others.
- Operation. Confidence in one's ability to use other people, the ease of manipulating others to achieve one's own goals, the ability to understand others well, influence their behavior, and convince of something.
Along with these traits, there are often such characteristics as increased sensitivity to shame, perfectionism, a feeling of inner emptiness and loneliness.
People with a narcissistic psychotype are demonized, attributing to them aggressiveness, lack of empathy, a tendency to violence
The traits listed above are manifestations of narcissism as a personality trait, that is, a norm. To be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, according to the American DSM-5 classification of diseases, in early adulthood, a person must exhibit five or more of the following characteristics of narcissism:
In Russia, however, since January 2022 it has become impossible to get a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, because our doctors do not follow the DSM-5, but the International Classification of Diseases from the World Health Organization. In the latest edition, the division into individual personality disorders was removed: now they look at whether a person has general signs of a personality disorder, the degree of their severity and specific manifestations. This will make the approach more comprehensive and personalized.
Is it worth labeling a person "narcissus"
There are two sides to using such labels. They can be a guide, explain individual patterns in their own and others' behavior, feelings and thinking; can help you get the big picture. But they can also become a stigmatizing stigma, if you do not pay attention to the individual characteristics of a person. Unfortunately, in modern culture, this often happens and any people with a narcissistic psychotype are demonized, attributing to them aggressiveness, lack of empathy, a tendency to violence, and offering to avoid any contact with them. But this will not be true for every person with narcissistic traits. Because of such generalizations, even the expression "narcissist" itself has acquired a negative connotation, and its use is considered not entirely ethical.
In addition, in psychology there are many different classifications of narcissism that better convey the shades of this phenomenon than one term.
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What types of narcissism are distinguished by psychologists
Most often they talk about two types:
Grandiose. Such a person wants to be the best. Faster, higher, stronger than all. Career, appearance, relationships - everything should be perfect. This characteristic fits well with the modern philosophy of success and achievement, so often this type achieves a lot in life. Grandiose narcissists can embellish reality to fit their ideal image if reality falls short. The self-esteem of such people is unstable: from the outside it may seem high or even inflated, but inside they often feel empty and dissatisfied.
Vulnerable. He is also hidden or thin-skinned. Clinical psychologist Paul Wink in his work "The Two Faces of Narcissism" described the mental portrait of representatives of this type as prone to introversion, submission, anxiety, vulnerability and always being on the defensive. However, like the grandiose type, they are vain, interested in others, impulsive, and often take risks.
While grandiose narcissists tend to exalt themselves in the eyes of others, vulnerable narcissists may appear to hate themselves. In fact, this is the same idealization, but turned inside out. While grandiose narcissists tend to see themselves as the best, covert narcissists tend to see themselves as the worst, stupidest, most miserable. Keyword: most.
From the grandiose pole, a person with narcissism can fall into the other extreme: feel like a partner unworthy of love in principle
Some researchers believe that these types are not mutually exclusive, but can change depending on the circumstances of a person's life. For example, there was a successful period at work: a person exceeded KPI and received praise from his superiors. At this point, he will be inclined to idealize himself, to feel his own exclusivity and superiority, life will seem beautiful. A week later, the partner shares that some aspect of the relationship does not suit him. From the grandiose pole, a person with narcissism can fall into the other extreme: to feel like a disgusting partner, unworthy of love in principle. And at the same time devalue all previous achievements. In this state, a person may impulsively propose a breakup or show aggression, trying to avoid corrosive shame.
And if a narcissistic disorder is accompanied by features of sociopathy (indifference, aggressiveness, disregard for social norms), one can speak of perverse narcissism. It is this type that is prone to emotional violence and even crime due to a lack of empathy. Perverted narcissists are people who prove their worth and value through the humiliation of others. It is extremely difficult for them to build a healthy relationship, as they are not able to empathize, lie, manipulate and overly control their partner. This type rarely turns to a psychotherapist, and it is difficult for him to stay in therapy.
Narcissism in men and women
Scientists at the Buffalo Institute reviewed studies of narcissistic personality disorder published over the past 30 years and found that it occurs more frequently in men and manifests itself somewhat differently than in women.
First, men are more likely to exploit others and feel entitled to have privileges. Secondly, they show more desire for power and leadership. But in the manifestations of vanity and egocentrism, there was no particular difference. Scientists suggest that such results may be the result of a certain gender socialization - that is, the attitudes broadcast by society about what men and women can and cannot be.
Because women are often criticized for being aggressive and authoritarian, they can suppress these narcissistic traits while men do not have to. But the authors note that this topic requires further study
Causes of narcissism
There are different concepts as to why people develop narcissism. The conducted studies have not proved an unambiguous connection with genetics, so the sociocultural concept remains the main one.
Representatives of psychoanalysis paid a special attention to the nature of narcissism. For example, Sigmund Freud and Heinz Kohut were of the opinion that at a certain stage in the development of a child, the emergence of narcissism is a natural and healthy phenomenon - this is called primary narcissism. In infancy, the child has no other needs than his own, and he does not have to make any effort to satisfy them. In fact, he is the center of his own universe. This is a normal developmental stage that everyone goes through.
However, certain circumstances can lead to secondary narcissism - that is, its unhealthy form. Such a circumstance could be a lack of parental love and acceptance. Moreover, the child did not necessarily encounter excessive severity, cruelty or indifference. It is quite possible that his parents, on the contrary, praised him for any reason and did not forbid anything. Child idealization and permissiveness can also be perceived as dislike and cause secondary narcissism, according to Karen Horney. When only the positive side is seen in a child, ignoring the existence of negative traits, he feels unseen. As if they love not him, but some other person, an image. In both cases, the defensive reaction is the creation of an imaginary ideal "I", designed to deserve the love and attention of others.
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Psychoanalyst Andre Green considers another reason in his article "Dead Mother". He talks about a situation in which the mother was physically alive, but was emotionally unavailable and absent due to depression. For this reason, the child did not receive love, care, support in the proper amount. The researcher believed that the mother's depression becomes a trauma for the child, since the baby, up to a certain age, sees in himself the cause of everything that happens around him and, among other things, blames himself for his mother's condition.
Lack of communication and warmth lead to the fact that the child tries to "bring the mother back to life", changing behavior, attracting attention. Failures give rise to tremendous anxiety and a feeling of a bottomless hole inside. Over time, the baby begins to feel the emptiness, which he will later try to fill: with achievements, attention, other people. In this case, those around him can become his narcissistic extension - like an extension of his personality, an attribute to maintain status and high self-esteem. Other consequences are the replacement of emotions with reasoning, a tendency to depression, aggressiveness, the inability to let someone in, to accept and experience love, to build warm trusting relationships.
Narcissistic trauma
Trauma associated with the narcissistic part of the personality can occur not only in childhood. According to Freud, a narcissistic injury is a situation in which the narcissist feels that his hidden true self has been discovered. Its imperfection is revealed. For example, if he faced failure or his authority was called into question. Narcissistic trauma can lead to depression or what is known as narcissistic rage, an attempt to regain control and avenge the pain.
Treatment of narcissism
Both narcissistic personality disorder and narcissism in the broadest sense can be corrected by psychotherapy. It's not exactly a "treatment" in the medical sense of the word. Rather, the process of knowing, accepting and adapting to the characteristics of one's personality.
For therapy to be effective, the person must be interested in it. In many cases, the benefits of narcissistic character traits and the difficulty in recognizing one's own imperfection lead to the fact that a person is not too willing to change something in his life and turn to a psychotherapist. And in a situation where we are talking simply about character traits that do not interfere with the person himself and do not harm others, the therapy of narcissism is, in principle, not needed.
If you feel bad in a relationship, then whether the person is a narcissist or not, it makes sense to think about parting. Working with the deep structures of personality requires a lot of effort and time. But at the same time, the very arrival of psychotherapy already has a positive effect. The therapeutic relationship is built on trust, acceptance, and recognition of the person in all of his manifestations, and this is exactly the kind of experience that people with narcissistic disorder or pronounced narcissism practically do not have.Together with the client, the therapist looks for points of support and support. The psychologist is able to endure regular cycles of idealization and devaluation, which allows the relationship to last. Teaches the client to see himself, not to fall into one of the poles of adoration and hatred, to endure his fears, doubts, vulnerability, envy and a constant sense of shame.
See the value of other people in isolation from himself and, if necessary, control his aggression.
Having received the experience of warm acceptance of different aspects of his personality in therapy, a person with narcissism learns to apply this experience in everyday life, to build relationships with the world and himself in a new way.
How to communicate with a person if you suspect narcissism or NPD
There are two main principles to follow: focus on how you feel in contact with this person and not try to save him. In general, these rules can be applied to any relationship, regardless of the type of person.
It is not so important to recognize how pronounced narcissism is, but to pay attention to the quality of your relationship:
- whether there is disrespect, manipulation, aggression or violence
- Does your self-esteem suffer? No, it makes sense to think about parting.
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