Parenting child with depression

Depression reduces criticality to one's condition. A person is inside these difficult experiences, it is difficult for him to look at himself from the outside, he is all there. A child with his characteristic egocentrism may begin to blame himself for the state of the parent, try to behave very well (what if mom got sick because I behaved badly) or, conversely, start to stand on his ears in an attempt to cheer up mom.

In any case, the child will give up his needs and, ultimately, his childhood, trying in his own way to help the parent. nine0003

The depressive state spreads to the child, he can also be subject to depression, escape into the world of fantasy, complete escape from the gloomy reality.

The picture is drawn very sad, and its main, most unfavorable component for the child is the rejection of oneself, the complete dedication of the child in order to somehow normalize the emotional state or simply exist next to the parent who is experiencing depression. Those. the child will not be able to live through the stages of development normally, will not be able to understand who he is, what he wants, to play normally, to develop. nine0003

Depression needs treatment

Mental illness is more difficult than, say, the flu. A person who has the flu understands well that his condition requires attention, he goes to the doctor, takes medication.

Our emotional state also requires no less attention. Especially if we are parents, because children, their psychological comfort very much depend on us.

When a parent cannot cope with his condition for a long time, the child is forced to become in a sense older than his parent. And this is very difficult for a child. In order to prevent this reversal of roles in the family, a parent should not forget about himself, about his needs not as a parent, but as a living person, about his interests, personal time and space. nine0003

Attentive attitude to oneself, the so-called mental hygiene really works, in some cases rest, favorite activities, hobbies, interests are needed. After all, a happy mother is a happy child!

Anna Ryabova

Raising a child: a friendly universe / Pravoslavie.Ru

But I remember that the Lord Jesus Christ requires of us holiness like that of Heavenly Father.

When a pregnant woman is preparing to become a mother, do not forget that in fact, she is already a mother. Her behavior, feelings, life position, belief in God - everything affects the child. Serenity of feelings, prayerfulness, joy, tenderness, temperance in words and caution in deeds - Here's the best behavior for a mom-to-be. unpleasant well-being, toxicosis, of course, very upset nervous system, but this is not the biggest problem. Toxicosis resolves by three to four months of pregnancy, and most women develop the so-called prenatal dominant - a cheerful, even state of mind, which contribute to a stable pattern of sleep, wakefulness and nutrition, light physical activity, permitted doctor. Needless to say, how important it is at this time calm and thoughtful spirituality. For Orthodox parents pregnancy is the time of greatest favored. There is an angel inside you, pure soul - nature itself disposes to complacency and repentance. Attending services, frequent communion, prayer will help you and your baby to strengthen the spiritual and bodily strength, prepare for childbirth. Of course, if a pregnant mother there are other children, then the way of life turns out to be somewhat different, but during the first pregnancy, everything the above is quite possible. nine0003 With By God's help, long before the birth of a child is easy be aware of it not just as a part of one's organism, but a person who is given to you by God for a while - for education. The Lord gives a child and, alas, may any time to call back. Attitude towards the baby thus, one should be reverent. This a small vessel of parental happiness - on in fact, part of God's grand plan in relation, both to the whole universe, and separately taken close family world. Let's talk right away. The child will often be a mirror image of your advantages and disadvantages. Don't forget about that from the first days of the life of a new person, we actively we sow his future. Therefore, complaining about children - it's like spitting in the sky. The best upbringing thus is the cultivation of one's own spiritual world. Draw a piece of paper in two on one side, write the features that you wanted to see in a child; in another those on your the Christian view is absolutely unnecessary for salvation. Part of the sheet, reflecting the dignity, let it be plan for you for the rest of your life. True, with in the course of life it may well happen that the virtues you named will lose for you any attraction - mom tends to grow together with their children and this can lead to unexpected results, such as changing old value system. nine0002 A newborn person understands and sees a lot. He must understand from the beginning of his life the most important truth: the universe around him is friendly and caring. Do not be afraid accustom the child to hands, overfeed or breastfeed spoil your attention. The baby does not cry - he communicates. Babies need warmth in their hands affectionate glances, kisses, just like the children of an older age. But there is a certain tragedy of infancy - the complete helplessness of a pure and tender soul, which and is called upon to fill the parent with his love. Mum - an absolutely indispensable person at this time. The best the formula of motherhood is to keep the baby from crying until seven years old, run to help with all legs, console and caress. Why up to seven? The time of infancy, when a person teaching of the Church, is not yet aware of itself, does not bear responsibility for their actions, lasts up to seven years. Do not rush to draw conclusions about temper at this age child: it changes all the time, parenting mistakes correctable, the main thing is to notice them in time and subject to penitential rethinking. I pray all the time God and I ask you to correct the infirmities of my upbringing, with faith, that everything can be fixed - with God's help. up to seven years, the soul of a child is very flexible and reverent, it absorbs images like a sponge, one way or another, reproducing them all later the rest of your life. This valuable age is better for the child spend in contact with relatives, rather than in an environment kindergarten or, even more so, nursery groups. In our family It is not customary to take babies to preschools. This had no effect on the child's socialization Large families have no problem with this. The only thing we do up to seven years - attend preparatory classes in selected educational institutions, considering it necessary develop the child's God-given abilities. Yes, five year old Maria, starting to study music, literally in three months I learned to read and draw along the way. When in a child the main talent develops, all of it is harmonized personality. nine0003

Of course, in every family there are troubles associated with children's disobedience.

If there is a need to scold - you need to do it non-aggressive, soft, loving. Scold as if in jest - so that a small person understands that he has nothing threatens. If your baby is starting to show character, treat it with understanding. Better tactile influence - hug your son, better in hugs to keep a man out of trouble than to yell or spank. I witnessed the relationship between my grandmother and grandson in the family of a priest: a boy in adolescence rudely snapped at the old woman's offer to eat, and she went up to him, began to stroke his head and bless him, baptize, saying: “God bless you, God save you." The boy became ashamed and sat down at table. In Central Asia, for example, fathers, and especially mothers, do not beat boys, it is believed that the character of a man is not tolerate such interference. This is, of course, a moot point. different culture, but after all, psychologists also believe that, breaking the shortcomings of the child, you can irretrievably lose him individuality. It seems to me that the Orthodox faith, no matter how one another can help a person grow harmonious, kind, courageous, loving. Looking into your eyes a kind mother who sets an example of gospel patience, caring affection and considerate justice, child sooner or later learn the skills of such behavior. Especially, if these good examples from infancy are accompanied reading the gospel. nine0003

In our Cossack family, judging by grandfather's stories, children were not accepted to be beaten or even severely scolded: “We didn’t hurt children,” I remember grandfather's laconic remark. Once was done "exception": grandfather was flogged by his father after how he fled twelve years to the front without telling anyone not a word, and returned three years later without giving parents about myself not a single news for all this time. His inconsolable parents have already made a grave in the cemetery only son, went there to pray and cry. By when his son returned, the great-grandfather took off his belt and, from the bottom of his heart, tears of joy, several times for the order of his whipped. nine0003

Swearing and spanking the baby, it is worth remembering that, just like you, he will be angry with his peers and relatives. A difficult test for parental pride the unbridled anger of your child may become, for example, in public place. Avoid any form of aggression with a child. Oddly enough, it will boost it resistance to anger in the adult future. unintimidated childish truthfulness, lack of skills of quarrels and offensive jokes will always help him in life. The rights of the child, which now there is so much to be said, for us Christians it is, above all, the Christian rights of the little man to love and attention, sacrificial care and affection. nine0003

Of course, the monstrous innovation was the intervention states in the personal files of families under the guise of juvenile justice and related pilot projects - but we, Christians need to think. God's grace is always from sins. Are we obeying the commandments to love our neighbors? own families? Do we try to give the child the maximum what he can count on while in the family? Are we taking good care of our parents? I want to remind, that Orthodoxy understands family life as a prototype of paradise joy and happiness. Remarkably said about the family famous Moscow cleric Alexy Uminsky: “Marriage is it is a union that was created by God in paradise. This sacrament paradise, paradise life, the mystery of nature itself person." nine0003 Our the task is for children to acquire in our to them relation, the image of that love which commands its souls not to regret, but, on the contrary, magnifies the greatest love "lay down your soul for your friends." Here the basic Christian right of children is to have parent as an assistant and prayer book, trustee and noble example.

Of course, in a family sometimes there are dramatic episodes of childish disobedience, teenage rebellion, bad behaviour. Always behind childish pranks try to see something more important - a trend, or just a minor psychological study, which happens to any child. Don't do it hasty remarks: “you can’t” should be small. First, observe the child, for yourself: the problem can be solved by parental repentance, correcting your own petty sin. Point at faulty behavior is better when the difficult situation is behind. In the midst of trouble, it is better to limit yourself to calm distant remark - made quite coolly. nine0003

It is worth considering the application of the practice of "family advice": it is very good. Yes, hard problems. adolescence, best dealt with in a setting meals are at the table. Atmosphere of unhurried conversation tea will better dispose the heart of a child to you. Especially since a conversation about bad deeds must be carefully prepared, - in our case, prayer and parental introspection.

Sometimes the hard choice is the lack of control over a grown child. And here to lower the child into a dangerous sailing on the sea of ​​life can literally mean parent calvary. Tears, prayers, hope, faith and love, trust and joy - let them be ours companions and assistants in this matter. rejoice and to support a matured person - truly wisely, even if his path at the moment lies parallel to the temple. Nothing, the stronger will be the parent prayer for children. Don't worry, just believe: brought up by all the past way of life, will grow in the heart serious real faith - but at the age of 18, not earlier. Our parental task is to ensure that the child does not lost contact with her stepfather's house, perceiving it as used to be the most beautiful place on Earth. nine0003

My deep conviction is that a lot is needed for children praying is almost on the verge of possibilities. Of course it is should be done with the wrong mood, so that for the amount prayers, God would give our children faith, health, success. It is better to consider the purification of the soul as the main motive of prayer. - first of all, our, parental:

“So whoever breaks one of the commandments of these slightest teaches people in this way, he will be called the least in the kingdom heavenly; but whoever does and teaches, he will be called great in Kingdom of Heaven" (Matthew 5:19).

So, reverend elder, affectionate Seraphim of Sarov urged to achieve their own salvation, so that as our spiritual elevation, those around us grew. "Save yourself - and around you will be saved thousands" - so it sounds simple, but incredibly difficult call.

Unfortunately, in raising children, no one will give us "handicap" - everything has to be done here and now, and in such a situation it is difficult not to make mistakes. Them you can then rethink, curse ... But the word what has been said cannot be reversed. How to perceive then an unwitting gospel oxymoron, which is that for a woman the easiest way to the sky is childbearing, or, in other words, birth children: nine0003

“For Adam was created first, and then Eve; and not Adam seduced; but the wife, deceived, fell into a crime; however, he will be saved through childbearing, if he continues in the faith and love and holiness with chastity. " (Tim 2:15)

Probably, here is the very case when the road will be mastered going. At least as an illustration to offer your own life experience - completely unprepared for large families, a spoiled mother's daughter. You see, right now I absolutely cannot accept the most a frequently asked question to me, for example, in a maternity hospital or in female consultation. The question is: "Don't be afraid you that you will have more children? nine0003

“On the contrary, dear doctors and nurses, I am right up to I'm afraid of tears at the thought that my sixth child can to be the last in our family that no one else has will not be born: after all, everything happens in life, right?

It seems to me that with every new child in the world comes small miracle. Another hope is born joy, change for the better. Lord, creating new of a person, a Christian, makes an attempt to make up for the missing number of angels. Lord, help us create such a friendly universe around you, in which children could grow into rays of happiness and love.

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