Older man with younger girls
Why Do Older Men Date Younger Women?
Consenting adults come together for many reasons and age isn’t always a factor. Older men may fall for younger women and younger women may sometimes prefer to date older men.
While some people may believe the motives behind big age gaps in relationships are always sinister, older men may gravitate toward younger women for many valid reasons, and that may be the case for younger women dating older men, too.
Age and consent
This article discusses older men dating younger women where both partners are above the legal age of consent in their state.
If both partners are above the legal age of consent, it doesn’t mean consent is implicit. Asking for consent and both people being on the same page is key in any healthy romantic relationship.
If you’re below the age of consent and an adult’s behavior is making you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, help is available. You can:
- Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673 for confidential, 24/7 support.
- Visit Stop It Now! for online resources or reach out to their helpline at 888-773-8368.
- Visit Childhelp for resources to handle and report abuse or to chat live with someone who can help.
Why does anybody want to date someone else? There are infinite possibilities.
The vulnerability of young girls has made the older-men-dating-younger-women stereotype a predatory one.
While it’s true that some men may consider younger women easy targets for manipulation or control, there are less sinister reasons an older man may be drawn to someone younger.
Sometimes it just happens. You fall in love with the person and overlook their age. Other times, it’s actually the energy, appearance, and life perspective of a younger woman that may be attractive to an older man. In some instances, the intention may not be a healthy one. Every case is different.
Ancestral practices
A 2020 large-scale replication study examined mate preferences across 45 countries.
Researchers found that most men placed a higher emphasis on appearance when it came to choosing a partner.
The reason behind it isn’t necessarily vanity.
Primitive humans seemed to have selected mates based on reproductive success. Features like youth, symmetrical bone structure, and wide hips in females were viewed as signs of overall health and vitality, which would ensure species survival.
On some level, the ancestral and instinctual attraction to such features may remain in both Eastern and Western cultures, as noted by a large international study from 2020.
This could be a reason why men, in general, may be attracted to younger women.
Long-standing traditions
Stephanie Juliano, a licensed professional clinical counselor from Rio Rancho, New Mexico, points out women haven’t traditionally had the benefit of equality.
“Men initially had more privileges, and so it was not unheard of taking a younger partner to take care of, and on the other hand, a young woman leaving home was being taken care of both financially and socially,” she explains.
While the adult-child relationship dynamic has been denounced in some parts of the world, there’s still much work to do in that respect. It’s also possible that these practices have influenced dating culture and there may still be an undercurrent of older men dating consensual younger women based on wanting to be their provider.
Entering crisis mode
It’s probably one of the most discussed reasons for older men dating younger women: The midlife or identity crisis.
Do older men mentally resist aging by dating younger partners? Is the midlife crisis even real? There’s much discussion but limited research on the topic. Some argue that this is yet another stereotyped cliche that doesn’t have much proof behind it.
How old is “too old” when it comes to an age gap in relationships?
According to data accumulated over the course of 7 decades, in developed countries, the average age gap among heterosexual couples is 2 to 3 years.
In these relationships, the data indicates it’s more common for men to be the older partner.
Age gaps are rarely discussed until they’re considered “too big,” but there’s no hard rule about when an age gap becomes significant.
Reported satisfaction in a relationship may start to see diminishing returns if the age gap between partners is larger than 10 years, suggests an 80-paper review from 2016.
In misogynist cultures, young women dating older men may be often accused of being “gold diggers,” or just in the relationship for financial gain.
Research, however, shows that when it comes to establishing long-term relationships, the majority of women, of all ages, are typically interested in older men.
A large study of more than 12,000 participants in Finland found that most women prefer same-age or older male partners throughout life, while men, regardless of age, tend to prefer women in their 20s.
While women may also seek older men out of long-standing provider traditions, there are other reasons this matchup might be appealing.
Emotional maturity
Research suggests men take longer than women to reach mental maturity, making it reasonable for young women to feel more emotionally compatible and secure with older men.
The father complex
Young women who grow up with absent, emotionally unavailable, or abusive fathers may develop what’s known as the father complex.
The father or Oedipus complex isn’t a recognized disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition, text revision (DSM-5-TR), and it’s a controversial term. Originally a Sigmund Freud’s theory, the term and concept have been long controverted.
Initially, the theory described how children form a strong attachment with the parent of the opposite sex and start to compete for attention and love with parents of the same sex. This is part of the natural psychosexual development.
When a person stays psychologically stuck in this stage of development, they may experience challenges in adult relationships.
When it comes to younger women dating older men, some people refer to the complex as “daddy issues,” a gendered stereotyping term.
Only a mental health professional can accurately determine if a younger woman’s attraction to older men has roots in unresolved childhood conflicts.
What about older women and younger men?
A double standard may exist in some cultures that accept older men dating younger women. Older women dating younger men may not be seen so kindly, although it could be explained differently.
Mary Mimi Schultz, a licensed professional counselor from Houston, explains this is often because the component of vulnerability is missing from this dynamic.
“When a younger man dates an older woman, it is more accepted because she is not in the relationship for money, typically,” says Schultz.
In a chauvinist culture, an older woman may still be seen as the weaker one in the relationship, not the one taking advantage of a younger partner, which may happen to older men dating younger women.
When two people genuinely love one another and have built that love on commonalities, companionship, respect, and trust, a relationship can work — regardless of the age gap.
Patricia O’laughlin, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Los Angeles, says relationships with a large age gap may be wonderful opportunities for personal growth.
“There can be significant differences in beliefs between generations. It’s a real chance to learn how to consider multiple perspectives on an issue or experience,” she says.
Schultz adds these types of relationships also tend to have high levels of maturity, which can mean a lower chance of settling for less than ideal circumstances.
“Typically, an age gap difference means one is in it for the love and relationship,” she says.
Any relationship can face challenges, but research suggests age gaps like those in relationships between older men and younger women have been linked to:
Depression
As partners age, the older partner may not be able to meet the energy levels of the younger partner, or may feel inadequate.
Depression in older adults may also be linked to experiences unique to the age, like losing close friends and retirement, something a younger partner may not be able to relate to.
Infidelity and lack of relationship commitment
Although not a rule, it’s possible that younger partners may gravitate back toward people their own age, particularly if the older partner doesn’t have the same sex drive.
Infidelity isn’t exclusive to relationships with age gaps, though. As in any other case, trust and open communication are key to managing this challenge.
Lower relationship satisfaction
Many factors can influence relationship satisfaction. With a large age gap, partners may experience stress or anxiety from:
- social stigma
- different priorities in life, or goals that don’t align
- power dynamics
- clashing social circles
- age-related health challenges
How to manage challenges
Experts cite communication as critical for the success of relationships between older men and younger women.
Juliano recommends open communication about big life questions, right from the start.
“Are there common interests in life goals, religion, family, where do you see yourself, what do you want in the next 5, 10, 15+ years?” she suggests you ask yourself.
O’Laughlin explains that figuring out these questions and creating plans to address them can strengthen your relationship and decrease resentment and conflict.
If you’re unsure where to start, a relationship counselor can help you and your partner identify areas of concern and possible solutions.
Why would older men date younger women and vice versa? As with any other relationship, there are many factors involved. Emotional security, maturity, common life perspectives, physical attraction, and chemistry may be involved. Instincts and culture may also play an important part.
It’s also possible in some cases that unresolved relationship challenges with father figures or traumatic experiences may be at play. Only a mental health professional can determine if this is the case.
Having a big age gap doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is bound to fail. Open communication about life goals and expectations can help you and your partner build a foundation of trust and respect.
Why Younger Women Find Older Men Attractive (Is She Attracted To You?)
It's time to admit it: you're not as young as you used to be.
But that doesn't mean you're past your dating prime!
The statistics speak for themselves. An incredible 56% of women state they prefer to date a guy older than them – and 45% of those women want their man to be between 5 and 15 years older than they are!
Those are some pretty good odds. But to make a safe bet, you need to learn a bit of female psychology. Get in the know, and who knows who you'll be dating this time next week!
As ever, it's my job to bring you guys up to speed. So, in today's article, we'll be covering:
- What Attracts Younger Women To Older men?
- Why Date A Younger Women?
- How Do You Tell If A Younger Woman Is Interested In You?
- What Are The Disadvantages Of Dating Younger Women?
#1. What Attracts Younger Women To Older men?
Summarizing everything that younger women love in older guys would take hours. However, there are some stand-out characteristics that we middle-aged guys possess over younger men, which the fairer sex finds absolutely irresistible.
Like a well-aged wine or classic car, there are certain things we can provide that the latest model never could.
Class and Maturity In Older Men
We've been through our crazy 20s and came out the other side. Wild all-nighters, booze-fueled partying, and risky business isn't aren't our deal anymore. Been there, done it, and earned the t-shirt as proof.
Do you really think women find wild-card 20-something-year-olds attractive? For a quick fling, maybe. But for true maturity and stability, who do you think they look to? You guessed it – us mature fellas!
In short, a slightly older man provides a level of maturity that younger guys just can't. They'll get there eventually, but while they catch up, we can reap the benefits of our years of experience.
Older Guys Can Look After Themselves
Do you think I still ask my parents for money or need their help doing my laundry or fixing a shelf? Of course not!
I'm guessing most of you guys are the same.
You've had a family you needed to support, which means you had to learn specific skills to be a successful man. After a while, you pick things up pretty quickly and become the guy your family comes to for advice, support, and help.
Can you see why that would be attractive to a 30-year-old woman looking to start a family of her own? She has a choice, date a younger guy who doesn't know his butt from his elbow when it comes to DIY or date an experienced man who knows how to fix her problems without the help of his parents.
It's a pretty easy choice for her to make, let's be honest!
Older Guys Are More Romantic
I'll be honest – when I was in my 20s, I cared a lot about what my friends thought of me. If I showed my romantic side in front of any of my guys in the marines, they would tease me about it for weeks.
It's the same for most younger guys. They think that you can't be manly and romantic at the same time. Unfortunately, this often leads to them not treating their girl right and pushing her away.
As a middle-aged guy, I know this from first-hand experience – as do most older men. That very fact makes older men incredibly attractive to younger women. No woman wants a man who plays games and makes her feel unloved. Date a 20-year-old, and she risks being treated like an afterthought whenever her man's friends are in town. Date a 40-year-old, and she pretty much guarantees love and respect regardless of who's in the room.
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#2. Why Date A Younger Women As An Older Man?
So with all this talk of maturity, why would a guy want to date a younger woman? Won't she be just as immature as a younger guy?
Actually, no.
A study conducted in Britain found that men don't reach complete emotional maturity until they're in their 40s, while women reach it by 30! That means a younger woman's maturity should match yours, provided she's around 30.
This actually explains why women prefer to date older guys – it's far more likely to be an equally mature relationship.
Of course, there's also the benefit of dating a woman who still has a younger person's energy and an open mind. Both men and women can begin to lose their enthusiasm as they grow older, so if you're an adventurous kind of guy, dating a younger woman may be a great way to find someone who matches your energy levels.
#3. How Do You Tell A Younger Woman Is Interested In You?
The fact is, telling if a woman is interested in you isn't the easiest thing in the world. At the end of the day, every woman is different and will act differently toward the men she has an attraction to.
However, there are certainly some general signs to look out for that will help you get a better idea of how a younger woman feels about you as an older man.
She Always Asks For Your Help
I'll preface this one with a warning: sometimes a woman just wants you to help her! There isn't always a romantic intention behind this.
However, if a young woman regularly asks for your help with tasks that show your value as a man – for example, DIY or demonstrations of strength – then she may be interested in you romantically.
The best way of telling is whether or not she seems like she could have done the task herself. If she seems like she's asking you to get your attention rather than because she genuinely needs help, then your luck might just be in!
She Laughs At Your Jokes
You're a funny guy.
But you're not THAT funny.
If you've been talking to a young woman for a while and she consistently laughs at your jokes, this could be a sign that she is into you romantically.
Once again, proceed with caution. Laughter does not equate to lust and isn't a sign she's ready to jump in the sack with you. However, it does show that she finds you endearing and a joy to be around.
Laughter is a great starting point for attraction – the other stuff can develop from this if it becomes clear that she sees you as more than a friend, colleague, or acquaintance.
Bide your time, tell a few unfunny jokes to see if she still laughs, and start a conversation about your feelings when the time is right!
She Touches You For No Reason
Touching people isn't a normal thing to do in social settings. In fact, many people get weirded out by the idea of touching others.
So if a woman goes out of her way to touch your arm or gently nudge you, then that's a pretty good sign that she has some kind of feeling towards you.
Again, this does not mean she's guaranteed to be romantically obsessed with you. However, it's a great sign that she's comfortable around you and feels that she's on a level with you where she can get physical.
Usually, this gesture will be coupled with another one of the above. She may laugh at your joke and give you a nudge on the bicep. She might put her hand on your forearm when asking for your help.
Either way, it's always worth taking note of. If it starts happening regularly, chances are you've got a good chance at romance.
#4. The Disadvantages Of Dating Younger Women As An Older Man
Sorry to burst your bubble, gents, but as with anything good thing in life, there are downsides to older men dating younger women.
Regardless of maturity levels and romantic connections, two people at different stages in life will have different priorities and desires. That's a simple far – and it's unavoidable. Not that any of these things are reasons to rule out dating younger women, but I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't make you aware of the cons as well as the pros!
Wanting A Family
This may not be considered a negative thing for some guys.
But for other guys who have kids to love and care for, dating a younger woman who wants to start a family may be tricky.
It's natural for young women to want to start a family – so when they look for a romantic partner, your potential as a father will come into play. In fact, it may be your experience as a great dad that makes you attractive to her!
In this instance, honesty is the best policy. If you're not open to the idea of kids (or more kids), then tell her. It would be unfair to lead her on, only to break her heart when you tell her the truth about your life priorities.
Prioritizing A Career
Young women are in the prime of life. At the age of 30, it's only natural for someone to want to push themselves to the limit and succeed in their professional lives. We can't blame them for that – we've all been there.
However, you need to consider whether you're still in that place. As an older guy, you may have already built your business or reached your professional goals.
Now might be the time that you want to relax and reap the benefits of your hard work with the lady in your life.
Becoming involved with a young career woman might not be the best move if you're that guy. Sure, you can support her with your knowledge and experience, but when it comes to those long weekend getaways and cozy morning dates, a career woman will be far too busy developing professionally.
Other People Will Judge You
It's ridiculous that I even have to include this – but here goes.
Some people will judge older men dating younger women. It's a sad fact of life that you'll have to accept when dating a younger woman.
An age difference should not affect two people's feelings towards one another. It shouldn't stop you from developing a relationship with a great woman! However, if you're the type of guy who can't cope with a bit of judgment here and there, be careful when dating a woman younger than you.
The last thing you want is to become ashamed of yourself and your partner and start to push her away as a result.
No woman deserves that.
Attracting women isn't easy, but I've got some killer advice to help you land that next big date. Click here to discover the 5 signs that she's DEFINITELY into you.
11 reasons why an old man chooses a young woman :: Infoniac
Jan 15, 2018 06:41 26298 Relationships, Interesting facts
18+
Incredible facts
We often see older men dating much younger women.
Such couples, as a rule, cause mixed feelings. "Not a couple," say some.
"Grey in the beard, demon in the rib", - others say. Some laugh at such couples, others look at them accusingly and sincerely do not understand how this is possible.
However, the fact remains: very often older men choose women much younger than themselves.
According to psychologists, here are 11 things that are so attractive to older men:
Why men choose young women
Reason #1:
Endurance and activity
Undoubtedly, compared to more mature women, young girls are more resilient and active.
In addition, they do not yet suffer from age-related diseases such as joint pain, rheumatism, and other unpleasant diseases that can affect the quality of physical intimacy and interfere with a regular sex life. nine0005
No matter how you look at it, young women have all the health benefits that older men are so attracted to.
Read also: 5 simple questions from a PSYCHOLOGIST, by which you can determine the personality of a person
Reason #2:
Midlife crisis
At some stage of his life, a man may feel insecure about himself, his personal life, his position in society, his career.
Psychologists call this difficult period the midlife crisis. As a rule, it is then that a man begins to seek confirmation of his solvency by meeting young women.
These acquaintances give them a sense of satisfaction and superiority, which is absent in communication with women of the same age.
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After all, a man can demonstrate his knowledge to his younger partner, show her that he knows this world better, because he is more experienced. And the woman, in turn, looks at him with her mouth open, because she still does not know many things due to her youth. Such worship cannot fail to please a man.
Thus, his pride is also amused, the self-esteem of a man rises.
Reason #3: nine0005
Young women are more confident
It's no secret that younger women are more beautiful and tend to be in better physical shape than older women.
They are more active and inquisitive. They are willing to explore things that older women might not even want to try.
The younger a woman is, the more she is open to various experiments and new things. This gives them a significant advantage, and this is very attractive to older men. nine0005
See also: 10 catchy things that make a woman damn attractive in the eyes of a man
Reason #4:
Young women take life easier
Young women, as a rule, have an easier and more pleasant character.
And since their whole life is still ahead of them, therefore, they are less "bothered" by the topic of long-term serious relationships. nine0005
This makes them more comfortable and flexible in dealing with men. Most of them easily agree to dates. Why not have a good time? While older women do not want to waste time on a dead-end relationship.
Why men love young women
Reason #5:
Anonymity
Older men and young women have different social circles.
Each of them has their own friends and girlfriends of different age groups, so they spend time with completely different people.
This contributes to the fact that the relationship is kept secret from others. This state of affairs, as a rule, is beneficial for both parties.
Therefore, if the situation is convenient for both the young girl and the elderly man, then it will continue for some time.
nine0005
Reason #6:
Young women are more flexible
When it comes to sex, young women are more flexible, both mentally and physically.
They may be ready for things that the older generation immediately rule out. They are open to various experiments that older women do not even consider. nine0005
Therefore, older men prefer younger women to live their emotions and fulfill fantasies that they may not be able to fulfill with older women.
Reason #7:
Much less work
An older man in a relationship with a younger woman may not have any emotional responsibility for the relationship, and he doesn't need to worry about long-term factors. nine0005
This, in a way, frees a man from a lot of responsibilities and saves him from the extra work that he may have to do in a relationship with a more mature woman.
Therefore, ease and lack of commitment are also one of the reasons why a man chooses a young girl.
Reason #8:
Less responsibility
Younger women are still on the lookout for the perfect partner. They consider different options, choosing the most suitable for themselves.
As a rule, unlike mature women, in most cases they are not emotionally attached to men.
This scenario is win-win for both parties. After all, fewer requirements are imposed on a man, which cannot but please him. nine0005
Reason #9:
Authority
An elderly man, in comparison with a young partner, is much more experienced and authoritative.
As a rule, a relationship with a young woman puts him in the place of a leader, where he dictates his terms and expects unconditional submission.
This is what many men like and cannot afford in relationships with women of the same age who demand equality. nine0005
For this very reason, an older man is often tempted to have a younger partner next to him.
Reason #10:
Satisfying one's own ego
To indulge your own ego is another goal of a mature man's relationship with young girls.
Of course, what man would not be pleased to realize that next to him is a young, beautiful and active partner. nine0005
In addition, the presence of a young chosen one elevates him in the eyes of others. After all, this means that the man himself can still give odds to young guys. A young partner makes you feel younger and adds status to a mature man.
Reason #11:
Spirit of adventure
No wonder they say, gray hair in a beard is a demon in a rib.
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Mature men, no doubt, have a lot of experience in various fields. But the thought of an unexpected adventure can make them lose their heads.
With young women, they can experience many positive emotions that they are unlikely to experience with mature women.
This spirit of adventure attracts men, they like to be together with young women. After all, they, these young and beautiful passions, can show another world, brighter and more beautiful, the world in which the younger generation lives. nine0005
Author: Onufrieva E.
We are in social networks
Suitable for a daughter: why men prefer young
The ideal of beauty
“Without a doubt, you can fall in love with anyone, regardless of age. Every person on Earth is not only worthy of love, but also capable of provoking it. But a young beauty doesn't need plastic surgery, Botox shots, or a ton of makeup to look attractive. Tenderness for her is like an axiom, ”says 70-year-old Frenchman Roland.
He met his beloved, who is half a century younger than him, on the open spaces of a popular social network, and now Marie and Roland are inseparable. But for how long? nine0005
43-year-old photographer Eduard, after breaking up with his wife, who, by the way, was five years younger than him, is now firmly convinced that his relationship with his peers is over, the divorce gave him a second youth.
Representatives of the strong half of humanity are not fools, as one might assume, based on their statements. Men understand as well as we do - life passes quickly, youth flows like sand through fingers, and ... they don’t find anything better than to try to start everything from the beginning, while it is still possible. It is difficult to say whether in most cases this will be real love or only its likeness, deceit, falsification (although there are exceptions, there is no doubt about this), but the fact remains that a man is also afraid of old age, and while we are coping with the first wrinkles with unique cosmetics, they are going to live forever at the expense of young partners.
From this follows the following masculine statement: a woman "over thirty" is not capable of an adventure, while a young nymphet is ready to go all out at once. It is quite reasonable that the mother of three children is in no hurry to jump with a parachute, she has something that she is sorry to leave on mortal Earth. nine0005
“Aged women, they don't know how to love like young people,” another seeker of lost youth shares his thoughts. In fact, falling in love, for that matter, has nothing to do with true love, and again, returning to the parachute, it is much easier to rush headlong into the pool when no one is waiting for you at home.
Rule, dominate
If a woman is self-sufficient, educated, has achieved a lot without outside help, it is practically impossible to manage her, but with a young (and still not very understanding in life) things are completely different. “A woman after 30 knows absolutely everything. She doesn’t need to be taught anything,” Alexander, 40, is convinced.
“She knows how to behave in bed, knows how life works, and, most importantly, knows how to get what she needs, right away, on the spot. I can't give her anything, she already has everything. In addition, in a relationship with a girl who is twenty years younger than me, I again feel like a real macho: it's nice to catch admiring glances directed at your beloved, and know that she is only yours. nine0005
A woman's lack of social status, a successful career, and high wages all give a man a sense of his own superiority, dominance, in other words, a great way to amuse his own ego.
True, there is one problem: for a woman who has no money, you have to pay everywhere and always, but it is better to take it for a maintenance. It is unlikely that an accomplished man will agree, even in the case of a sudden surge of great love, to move to a hostel with a student.
Trying to find a woman who looks like his own mother
One man who chose a girl much younger than himself as his life partner stated: “my mother always looked 30, she was ideal for me, and I was looking for someone who would be looks a little like her.
