Negative self image
8 Common Examples of Low Self-Esteem
Learning the signs of low self-esteem and how to take action can help improve the way you view yourself and the world.
When your self-esteem is high, you may feel confident and ready to take on the world. But continued low self-esteem can affect your relationships, sense of self-worth, how you express yourself, and how you navigate life.
By definition, self-esteem is essentially how you think and feel about yourself at the conscious and unconscious levels.
From a psychological standpoint, Dr. Jan Roberts, LCSW, says that low self-esteem typically reflects those hidden thoughts and beliefs you might have about yourself.
You can have low self-confidence for many reasons, like:
- expectations from parents and caregivers as a child
- peer pressure from friends or loved ones
- relationships, including breakups or divorce
- unresolved trauma
- loneliness
- internalized shame
- certain mental health conditions
- brain functioning and development
- other societal and cultural messages
“We tend to hold on to negative experiences, memories, thoughts, and words that people say. Those messages become embedded into our thinking patterns and create a filter of how we see everything,” Roberts explains.
“Our perceptions eventually create our reality. If we have negative thought processes, we will see things — including ourselves — negatively. Therefore, poor self-esteem becomes the result of our own poor view of ourselves and capabilities,” she says.
Do most people have low self-esteem? Not exactly.
Many people might feel self-conscious or have bouts of low self-confidence now and then. But “having a low self-esteem is not a natural state of being,” says Roberts.
If those negative feelings last for an extended period of time, you may need to work on boosting your self-esteem.
What are the signs of low self-esteem? Here are some examples:
You’re a people-pleaser
You may try to please people instead of being your authentic self and pursuing what brings you joy and pleasure.
Licensed therapist Cheryl A. Clarke, LMFT, says folks with low self-esteem also have a tendency to be passive or passive-aggressive instead of standing up for themselves.
You feel needy or unworthy
Maybe you feel like you don’t deserve love, praise, or a raise at work. This is directly related to how much you value yourself and your abilities.
“A lack of inner worth is driven by a set of beliefs that they’re no good, feeling of insignificance, or believe they have nothing of value,” says Clarke.
“Since most people with low self-esteem seek things (careers, relationships, success, power, etc.) outside of themselves to make them feel more worthy, it’s important to remember that self-esteem is an inside job and directly correlated with joy,” says Roberts.
You struggle to build healthy relationships
The stronger your self-worth, the healthier your relationships tend to be. “If you struggle with low self-esteem, it can threaten your overall relationships,” says Clarke.
You might face challenges with intimacy, trusting partners, and establishing strong personal boundaries, Clarke notes. And according to Roberts, you’re more like to stay in a one-sided, abusive, or codependent relationship, as well.
You have a poor self-image
Do you call yourself “fat” or “ugly” and judge how you look when standing in front of a mirror? If so, it’s likely you think poorly of yourself and your appearance due to negative self-image.
Rejecting compliments is another example of negative self-esteem. You could just be humble, but frequently rejecting forms of flattery instead of saying “thank you” can mean you don’t believe those things are true.
You experience negative self-talk
“I’m a loser.” “I don’t deserve to be happy.” “Why did I say that? I’m so stupid.”
There are all common examples of negative self-talk that can result from low confidence.
If you regularly insult yourself — either internally or in conversation with others — you likely have low self-esteem. Being unforgiving or harsh on yourself when making mistakes can be a sign, too.
You compare yourself to others
We all tend to play the comparison game. Comparing yourself to others can help you achieve your goals or inspire you to become better in the workplace.
But if this becomes a frequent habit and starts to negatively impact your mental health, it may be a sign that you need to work on your confidence.
You experience self-doubt
Second-guessing ourselves is natural. After all, we’re only human.
But if you’re often untrusting of your own judgment or constantly seeking the opinions of others, this may be related to your self-esteem.
Clarke says this can also show up as you feeling like you’ll always make mistakes and letting fear drive your life instead of feeling confident facing challenges.
You avoid self-expression
Maybe you avoid expressing yourself out of shame, embarrassment, or fears of judgment. This habit of “playing small” could also be due to a lack of confidence.
“When someone is not self-expressed, they always feel they don’t fit in and find themselves conforming,” Clarke adds. Essentially, you hide yourself or blend in with others as a coping mechanism for feeling insecure.
If you resonate with any of those low self-esteem examples, there’s no need to stress.
There are plenty of ways to boost self-esteem and become more confident.
Identify (and heal) the root cause
”Low self-esteem has deep roots, which require a commitment to becoming self-aware,” Clarke explains. She suggests getting real with yourself to learn what’s making you feel less confident and change those thought patterns.
“It’s important to explore cognitions and the messages learned that initially created the negative core beliefs,” says Roberts. “Understanding how low self-esteem evolves as a result of past internalized messages and cognitive processing can help [people] create new ways of perceiving their world around them.”
Set small goals
“People with low self-esteem often feel like failures and develop learned helplessness. Creating small, achievable goals can help build competence and consequently confidence,” says Roberts.
A great first goal is to notice when you witness examples of poor self-esteem showing up in your life. Then, you can take action.
For example, maybe you’ll try to stop making self-deprecating jokes in front of others, or compliment yourself the next time you look in the mirror. These little goals will eventually add up to create bigger change.
Be kind to yourself
Low self-esteem can cause us to be unfairly hard on ourselves. Remember to be gentle with yourself as you unlearn harmful messages and conditioning.
“It’s not about pushing yourself harder or beating yourself up. It just doesn’t go away with positive thinking and pretending you feel better about yourself than you really do,” reminds Clarke. “Instead of brushing it off or shaming yourself for your experience, try to accept yourself and work toward positive change.”
Practice self-love
“Self-love is the foundation of self-esteem,” says Clarke. So, when you don’t love yourself, you’ll likely have low self-esteem.
It’s a good idea to pursue healthy habits, like eating nutritious meals, moving your body, sleeping well, and taking care of your mental health.
This could also mean learning more about yourself, including what you enjoy, and accepting your flaws and imperfections.
Forcing yourself to focus on the bright side of things during challenges can be a form of toxic positivity. But positive thinking can help you adjust your way of thinking, too. Consider all your great personality traits and the ways in which you thrive rather than dwelling on your faults or undesirable traits.
Clarke also suggests practicing self-forgiveness as a form of healing your self-esteem. You can also repeat positive affirmations, like “I am worthy of happiness” or “I am confident.”
See a therapist
A therapist can point out where low self-esteem shows up in your life and guide you toward positive change. They can also help you identify where it’s coming from, so you can heal, create new thought patterns, and become more confident.
“A therapist will help you with integrating new ways of relating to yourself and the world that will begin to gently raise your esteem,” says Clarke.
“Focusing on cognitive reprocessing and developing new competencies help [people] avoid seeking outside of themselves for validation and will help them realize that they can influence their self-esteem and well-being as well,” adds Roberts.
How we perceive and value ourselves directly affects the ways in which we navigate life.
Understanding the signs of low self-esteem and recognizing when those patterns show up for you is a great step toward creating positive change.
Low self-esteem shows up in various ways. Examples include lacking boundaries, people-pleasing, talking badly about yourself, and feeling unworthy. If you relate to any of these, you may have low self-esteem.
But if you have poor self-image, there’s no reason to feel worse about it. You can figure out the causes, practice self-love, or speak with a mental health professional to learn — and improve — how you see yourself and the world around you.
It can take time and hard work, but boosting your confidence is possible and can help you live a more fulfilled life.
8 Common Examples of Low Self-Esteem
Learning the signs of low self-esteem and how to take action can help improve the way you view yourself and the world.
When your self-esteem is high, you may feel confident and ready to take on the world. But continued low self-esteem can affect your relationships, sense of self-worth, how you express yourself, and how you navigate life.
By definition, self-esteem is essentially how you think and feel about yourself at the conscious and unconscious levels.
From a psychological standpoint, Dr. Jan Roberts, LCSW, says that low self-esteem typically reflects those hidden thoughts and beliefs you might have about yourself.
You can have low self-confidence for many reasons, like:
- expectations from parents and caregivers as a child
- peer pressure from friends or loved ones
- relationships, including breakups or divorce
- unresolved trauma
- loneliness
- internalized shame
- certain mental health conditions
- brain functioning and development
- other societal and cultural messages
“We tend to hold on to negative experiences, memories, thoughts, and words that people say.
Those messages become embedded into our thinking patterns and create a filter of how we see everything,” Roberts explains.
“Our perceptions eventually create our reality. If we have negative thought processes, we will see things — including ourselves — negatively. Therefore, poor self-esteem becomes the result of our own poor view of ourselves and capabilities,” she says.
Do most people have low self-esteem? Not exactly.
Many people might feel self-conscious or have bouts of low self-confidence now and then. But “having a low self-esteem is not a natural state of being,” says Roberts.
If those negative feelings last for an extended period of time, you may need to work on boosting your self-esteem.
What are the signs of low self-esteem? Here are some examples:
You’re a people-pleaser
You may try to please people instead of being your authentic self and pursuing what brings you joy and pleasure.
Licensed therapist Cheryl A. Clarke, LMFT, says folks with low self-esteem also have a tendency to be passive or passive-aggressive instead of standing up for themselves.
You feel needy or unworthy
Maybe you feel like you don’t deserve love, praise, or a raise at work. This is directly related to how much you value yourself and your abilities.
“A lack of inner worth is driven by a set of beliefs that they’re no good, feeling of insignificance, or believe they have nothing of value,” says Clarke.
“Since most people with low self-esteem seek things (careers, relationships, success, power, etc.) outside of themselves to make them feel more worthy, it’s important to remember that self-esteem is an inside job and directly correlated with joy,” says Roberts.
You struggle to build healthy relationships
The stronger your self-worth, the healthier your relationships tend to be. “If you struggle with low self-esteem, it can threaten your overall relationships,” says Clarke.
You might face challenges with intimacy, trusting partners, and establishing strong personal boundaries, Clarke notes. And according to Roberts, you’re more like to stay in a one-sided, abusive, or codependent relationship, as well.
You have a poor self-image
Do you call yourself “fat” or “ugly” and judge how you look when standing in front of a mirror? If so, it’s likely you think poorly of yourself and your appearance due to negative self-image.
Rejecting compliments is another example of negative self-esteem. You could just be humble, but frequently rejecting forms of flattery instead of saying “thank you” can mean you don’t believe those things are true.
You experience negative self-talk
“I’m a loser.” “I don’t deserve to be happy.” “Why did I say that? I’m so stupid.”
There are all common examples of negative self-talk that can result from low confidence.
If you regularly insult yourself — either internally or in conversation with others — you likely have low self-esteem. Being unforgiving or harsh on yourself when making mistakes can be a sign, too.
You compare yourself to others
We all tend to play the comparison game. Comparing yourself to others can help you achieve your goals or inspire you to become better in the workplace.
But if this becomes a frequent habit and starts to negatively impact your mental health, it may be a sign that you need to work on your confidence.
You experience self-doubt
Second-guessing ourselves is natural. After all, we’re only human.
But if you’re often untrusting of your own judgment or constantly seeking the opinions of others, this may be related to your self-esteem.
Clarke says this can also show up as you feeling like you’ll always make mistakes and letting fear drive your life instead of feeling confident facing challenges.
You avoid self-expression
Maybe you avoid expressing yourself out of shame, embarrassment, or fears of judgment. This habit of “playing small” could also be due to a lack of confidence.
“When someone is not self-expressed, they always feel they don’t fit in and find themselves conforming,” Clarke adds. Essentially, you hide yourself or blend in with others as a coping mechanism for feeling insecure.
If you resonate with any of those low self-esteem examples, there’s no need to stress.
There are plenty of ways to boost self-esteem and become more confident.
Identify (and heal) the root cause
”Low self-esteem has deep roots, which require a commitment to becoming self-aware,” Clarke explains. She suggests getting real with yourself to learn what’s making you feel less confident and change those thought patterns.
“It’s important to explore cognitions and the messages learned that initially created the negative core beliefs,” says Roberts. “Understanding how low self-esteem evolves as a result of past internalized messages and cognitive processing can help [people] create new ways of perceiving their world around them.”
Set small goals
“People with low self-esteem often feel like failures and develop learned helplessness. Creating small, achievable goals can help build competence and consequently confidence,” says Roberts.
A great first goal is to notice when you witness examples of poor self-esteem showing up in your life. Then, you can take action.
For example, maybe you’ll try to stop making self-deprecating jokes in front of others, or compliment yourself the next time you look in the mirror. These little goals will eventually add up to create bigger change.
Be kind to yourself
Low self-esteem can cause us to be unfairly hard on ourselves. Remember to be gentle with yourself as you unlearn harmful messages and conditioning.
“It’s not about pushing yourself harder or beating yourself up. It just doesn’t go away with positive thinking and pretending you feel better about yourself than you really do,” reminds Clarke. “Instead of brushing it off or shaming yourself for your experience, try to accept yourself and work toward positive change.”
Practice self-love
“Self-love is the foundation of self-esteem,” says Clarke. So, when you don’t love yourself, you’ll likely have low self-esteem.
It’s a good idea to pursue healthy habits, like eating nutritious meals, moving your body, sleeping well, and taking care of your mental health.
This could also mean learning more about yourself, including what you enjoy, and accepting your flaws and imperfections.
Forcing yourself to focus on the bright side of things during challenges can be a form of toxic positivity. But positive thinking can help you adjust your way of thinking, too. Consider all your great personality traits and the ways in which you thrive rather than dwelling on your faults or undesirable traits.
Clarke also suggests practicing self-forgiveness as a form of healing your self-esteem. You can also repeat positive affirmations, like “I am worthy of happiness” or “I am confident.”
See a therapist
A therapist can point out where low self-esteem shows up in your life and guide you toward positive change. They can also help you identify where it’s coming from, so you can heal, create new thought patterns, and become more confident.
“A therapist will help you with integrating new ways of relating to yourself and the world that will begin to gently raise your esteem,” says Clarke.
“Focusing on cognitive reprocessing and developing new competencies help [people] avoid seeking outside of themselves for validation and will help them realize that they can influence their self-esteem and well-being as well,” adds Roberts.
How we perceive and value ourselves directly affects the ways in which we navigate life.
Understanding the signs of low self-esteem and recognizing when those patterns show up for you is a great step toward creating positive change.
Low self-esteem shows up in various ways. Examples include lacking boundaries, people-pleasing, talking badly about yourself, and feeling unworthy. If you relate to any of these, you may have low self-esteem.
But if you have poor self-image, there’s no reason to feel worse about it. You can figure out the causes, practice self-love, or speak with a mental health professional to learn — and improve — how you see yourself and the world around you.
It can take time and hard work, but boosting your confidence is possible and can help you live a more fulfilled life.
Negative self-image as a result of traumatic experience, Psychotherapy - Gestalt Club
Self-image is a system of individual ideas about himself yourself. It is the result of knowing and evaluating oneself and feedback and evaluation of other significant people. Sometimes a person cannot objectively holistically and realistically evaluate himself.
People with a negative self-image tend to see their achievements in a negative light, or do not consider them significant. Tend to devalue themselves more than consider themselves valuable and worthy.
qualities, they immediately say “but” and quickly nullify everything positive. They simply do not notice their own merits or do not consider them important. Positive assessments of others have for them short-term effect, but criticism or indifference of others can extremely negative impact on self-esteem.
And therein lies the imbalance. Inside, the Inner Critic is at work and feels like a master in the inner world.
This character is projected onto the outside world and there is a fear that everything criticized and no one supports. It's hard to keep up on your own from attacking himself.
Negative self-image is not innate quality, but the result of a certain process that influenced the development of such negative self-esteem. As a result of different lived experience, excessive criticism or from unjustified expectations adults to the child, comparisons are not in his favor, from the absence adequate reflection, supporting feedback, as a result a series of narcissistic wounds and traumas.
A Void is formed in this place, that place that is not filled warmth and acceptance, then this void is filled with negative self-image. Although it's basically just lack of accepting, investment-loving significant others. The child will build this emptiness into his identity, and it will symbolize the negative aspects of yourself.
Traumatic experience in the broadest sense is there may not be one event, but a series of events overloading the Ego and the inability of the psyche to process them.
This may be a consequence situations of humiliation, neglect, ignoring, use, violence, shame, depreciation in the past.
Living in difficult life circumstances in which the image of oneself as a worthy person is violated, entails the emergence of toxic shame. And the inability to survive the above feelings due to the absence at that moment internal resources or close people who are able to provide support, empathy, empathy.
An unexperienced trauma becomes a source of disruption of the entire human life. He is unable to face face with pain, despair, shame, guilt, impotence, insignificance. This strongest pain that will be experienced a person when rejecting his true self when getting into a difficult life situation, as well as in cases where when a person is forced to confront vital circumstances leading to the destruction of identity and loss self-respect.
Whatever way the injury is inflicted, it damages feeling as complete, good enough, worthy love and acceptance.
It fits into our core personality, not with me acted badly, and I am bad ... I am nothing. So traumatic experience is transformed into an idea of the presence of an internal defect.
Thus, as a result of an injury or a series of traumatic rejection, the desire to present oneself, to be loved and accepted, causes fear of being rejected again, begins to be accompanied experience of own defectiveness and toxic shame.
As a result of traumatic experience, we create a false image of our own self and we pass into a grandiose pole. This is one of unconscious defenses of our psyche. But inside we know ourselves better than anyone. And there is this imperfection and "invisible global defect” with which you have to constantly deal with.
We are ashamed that we do not meet the expectations of society, other people and your own. Can't show who we are really. Out of fear that we will be rejected - We reject ourselves. So our Image for ourselves and others grows and forms.
He becomes a screen and can start to trap us, we we ourselves can drive ourselves into a trap by cutting ourselves off from what indeed we are. What if they see me so broken? The central conflict of shame is between the desire to be recognized and the horror to be seen and the inability to share these experiences with by anyone.
We are ashamed that others can see our split, insignificance. That others will discover our inner defect - imperfection and inferiority. We cut contact with others, lowering their eyes and withdrawing into themselves. Even in this way reduce the pain of ridicule: “I am unworthy (n), “I can’t count on acceptance and understanding”, “I guess I’m so bad that bad things happened to me"
These phrases can occur independently of other people's voices, can be their own voice for the Inner Critic. Toxic shame does not allow us to manifest, because then this internal the defect will become visible, so strategies are unconsciously chosen avoidance in those situations in which you can be seen.
The consequence of such a strategy is the impossibility get closer and closer to others. A person builds contact in such a way to keep a safe distance at all times, this inability to make full contact leads to complete loneliness.
Psychotherapy for trauma and self-image correction is long and complex . Many difficult feelings to live and attach to your identity as an experience that was in life. This is a painful process, but the result is worth it.
Such a person has every chance to get to know himself in different ways. and wounded and broken, deep and antifragile as a result lived experience. Interesting to others and to yourself.
To do this, we need to get a different, new relationship experience where we can be understood, accepted, seen in our value, in those difficulties that had to be dealt with and survived, be seen in their abnormality from the fact that many tasks in general were not childish.
Regain your normalcy by living through difficult feelings and returning to the Self. I invite you to therapy.
psychologist, gestalt therapist Tatyana Butsovskaya
@butsovskapsy
A little about the negative self-image
Sometimes people introduce themselves like this at the first meeting: "I am Collapse"*. Sometimes on different resources there are self-definitions in the spirit of "Ivan *Lazy beast* Petrov." Or "Marina * Greedy bitch * Semenova."
In addition to negative names and nicknames, there are also negative subcultures, clothing styles and body modifications. That is, a number of people look and communicate in such a way that they simply send a message: "I'm BAD", and somewhere in the background the corresponding song of Michael Jackson is playing.
Why is such a marvelous image good? Oh, it has many good aspects. Albeit strangely good, sometimes incomprehensible to outsiders. As a rule, if a person decided to become "bad", then this means that he grew up in a very specific place where goodness was with such fists and sledgehammers that being "bad" became good for this person.
Or simply "good" looked so that he did not want to join him at all.
I already wrote once about why teenagers start drinking in small towns with good mothers, usually single or with purely nominal husbands. The role model of kindness in such a family is a murdered, tortured, terribly ugly woman who always works for her children (this image is often imposed on childfree young mothers, not realizing that it is different), who even after returning home after a shift does not rest and does not rejoice, but she takes a pot, starts cooking and yells at her children, because they are ungrateful and do not appreciate her. Do you want such a life? I do not want either. But, firstly, my parents looked a little different, and secondly, I studied at a good school, where they offered brochures of student life at Moscow State University, visits to scientific conferences and other benefits of civilization in the form of work in large companies, interesting performances in various countries of the world or just traveling by own car.
And in small towns, this is often not there or too little. But there is beer and slot machines. Are alcohol and gambling addiction bad? But at least it's nice. At least for a while. It's better to be bad - you won't get killed like that in the process of approaching a disgusting miserable old age, which is the same for everyone in this place anyway - whether you worked or not.
There are families where the good offered resembles a corset on metal ribs, and this corset is fastened with a barn lock when the child is one year old, and the key is thrown away. Relax - you can't. Relax? Great pianists don't rest! Do you think it was easy for Copernicus when he was burned? And time after time, the parents of these children are surprised when, at the age of fifteen, seventeen, twenty-five, this person, instead of playing the piano, assembles a grinder from improvised materials, cuts off the lock, and then runs around and cuts off the heads of people around him.
Being bad is the energy of resistance, it is the pleasure of being in power over frightened people who do not know what to expect from you, it is the confidence in how you will be received - what to worry about, you will DEFINITELY be liked by no one except your own, equally bad .
This is an opportunity to finally tell the screaming mom "SHUT UP, otherwise I'll tell you ...". This is an opportunity to finally live not the way everyone says. Being bad is good... but not for long.
Of course, the price for such a lifestyle is high. They don't get hired. A new liver is not transplanted. Drugs quickly cease to be easy and pleasant. There is no money forever. You won’t get to know a normal girl, but the same bad girl will be so hard on the brain that it’s better to live with her mother. And most importantly - most people do not want to be bad at all. They want to be good, happy, in demand. Just not the way they were offered, and coming up with your own model is more difficult than just shooting at those who are sick of it.
A negative self-image is destructive to a person's personality. Because in each of the marginals there will always be ideas that what he does is bad. And if they don’t, then this is already a mental illness, and, in general, not a single mental illness usually ends in anything good.
