Need to jack off
How to Masturbate If You Have a Penis: 12 Tips and Techniques
Sexual Health + Identity
Masturbation shouldn’t be such a touchy topic.
By Gigi Engle
Molly Cranna
Wondering how to masturbate better? If you have a penis, you may think that masturbation is pretty straightforward and doesn’t require a comprehensive guide. But this is giving very little credit to the art of masturbation and the multitude of paths you can take, regardless of specific genitalia involved.
As we spelled out in our guide on how to masturbate if you have a vagina, there’s always room to learn when it comes to how to masturbate better. Although there’s not, to be clear, a “correct” way to get yourself off, there are bound to be some masturbation techniques you haven’t tried yet. And that’s likely true no matter how long you’ve been doing it for — which could be awhile!
Studies show that, on average, regular masturbation tends to kick off in teens around the age of 12 or 13, with some people starting much sooner (including as young children) and others a bit later on. Being curious about your body and how to pleasure yourself isn’t just common. It’s a totally safe, natural and — not to bury the lede here — enjoyable way to explore what you like and your relationship to your own body.
Masturbation is a healthy practice and you should in no way feel ashamed for wanting to engage in it.
Everyone can benefit from some masturbation tips and guidelines to better master self-love — it’s not like you’re going to learn about this stuff in school. So let’s get started! In this article, you’ll learn all about penis masturbation techniques, how to switch up your stroke, and some of our favorite tips for reaching orgasm.
Health benefits of masturbationBefore we get into the ins and outs of how to masturbate, let's talk about why it can be good for your health. Not only is it totally natural to masturbate, but it can also help you reduce stress, get better sleep, improve your body image, and more, according to Planned Parenthood.
We know that orgasms are great for releasing a rush of mood-boosting neurochemicals, like oxytocin, dopamine and endorphins, to the brain. But did you know that masturbating can help increase your body’s production of prolactin, a hormone that helps regulate your immune system, too? And as an added bonus, there's no chance of contracting STIs, unwanted pregnancy, or any of the other risks involved in partnered sex. So, despite it being seen as taboo or, at best, a punchline in some sex-negative corners of society, there are so many reasons why masturbating is an extremely healthy thing to do.
More than that, a solid masturbation session also helps you figure out what you like sexually and what you're comfortable with, which is why knowing how to touch yourself is a good idea regardless of whether you’re having partnered sex. The self-knowledge it brings is going to be a key component of your future sex life, and it can make you better able to communicate what you want and what you don't — which is an important part of consent.
That could be one reason why embracing solo sex has been linked to a higher likelihood of having positive sexual experiences later in life.
1. Find your stroke
To get things started, use your hand to find a rhythm you love. Finding your rhythm when you masturbate takes time and practice. Some people enjoy rapid strokes, some enjoy slower strokes, and others like a variety when it comes to reaching orgasm. (In general, though, you’re going to want to start out with slower strokes before building to a faster pace, if that is your intent.) There is no limit to the ways you can use your hand to explore your penis. When in doubt, stay consistent until you find what works for you.
2. Once you've found your stroke, switch it up
Finding the best way to masturbate is not a one-size-fits-all thing, and what feels good today can potentially change over time. You may find, for instance, that a stroke you liked at one point makes way for something else in the future.
That’s totally normal. Enjoy some variety in each masturbation session, using varied strokes or switching hands (you can try using both hands at once, too). It’s also a good idea to switch things up on occasion so that you don’t get overly accustomed to reaching orgasm in one way only; this can help keep you responsive and flexible for current or future sexual partners!
Looking for a new stroke to try? You can do things like grasp the base of your penis while, with your other hand, stimulating the super-sensitive head with your palm or fingers; more loosely grasping your penis and, with your thumb of the same hand, applying a bit more pressure to the underside of your shaft as you move up and down; or doing a twisting and pulling motion, kind of like your hand is a corkscrew. There’s a near-unlimited number of ways to experiment with strokes, so keep going until you find a handful (pun this time not intended) that work for you!
Masturbation doesn’t need to be this super fast, shameful thing you do in the dark corner of your bedroom.
3. Take your time
Regardless of what you’ve seen on popular television shows and in movies, masturbation doesn’t need to be this super fast, shameful thing you do in the dark corner of your bedroom. It doesn’t need to be a race to finish if you don’t want it to be.
Sure, locking the door adds privacy, which can help set the mood, but what you’re doing isn’t shameful or bad. Set some time to actually enjoy the process of learning how to masturbate. Don’t rush it. Listen to your body and see what feels good for you. Find the erogenous zones that work best for you. Do you prefer stimulation at the head of the penis? The base?
Everybody is different, and every person enjoys different things. If you learn what you like, you will be more fully equipped for interpersonal sexual experiences down the road, which will help you enjoy a healthier sex life.
Need more incentive to take your time? Edging — or the practice of getting yourself close to orgasm but stopping just before you reach it, and doing this three or four times before finishing — makes for a more sensation-filled orgasm for some people.
Whether you edge or simply find other ways to tease yourself, allowing yourself to drag out and savor your solo session may make its ending more satisfying.
4. Lube is your best friend
If you’re wondering how to masturbate better, there’s a good chance lube could be missing from your life. The friction of your hand directly on your penis for a prolonged period of time is not a particularly good feeling. The right lube is important for all sex acts, from masturbation to intercourse.
When it comes to the best way to masturbate, there’s an enduring myth that lotion is a popular option for a masturbation session, but lotion is not lube. Sure, it’s easy to find around the house and is convenient, but it isn’t ideal for masturbation. Your penis is a sensitive area, and some scented lotions can actually cause irritation (which is not fun).
Always opt for lube. If you have access to or are able to buy lube, go for a water-based, unscented option. Anything with “warming” components or flavoring may also cause itching or irritation.
In some cases, getting your hands on lube may be difficult. If this is the case, there are some household options that can work. You can use 100% coconut oil or 100% aloe vera as lube (this does not include sunburn lotion with aloe vera or similar products). Vaseline can be used, too, but only when externally applied for solo sessions — for partnered sex, it can cause condoms to break, and if your partner has a vagina, it can lead to infection. In general, it’s best to make sure what you’re using is 100% pure.
5. Give your balls some love
You may want to explore your body even more on your quest for reaching orgasm, and that is fantastic. Don’t ignore your balls. They are very sensitive and packed with nerve endings.
Try rubbing them gently with one hand while the other maintains a stroke on your penis. You can even stop stroking altogether and just pay close attention to the balls. How much pressure you put on your sack will depend on your individual preference.
Try a few different options during your next masturbation session and see what works for you.
6. Prostate stimulation is definitely an option, too
Masturbating need not be relegated solely to the penis. Your prostate is a walnut-sized gland just inside the anus that can feel great when stimulated. Lube up and try using your fingers or a small butt plug by inserting it into the anus. (Remember: never put anything in your anus that doesn't have a flared base!) Be sure you go slowly and relax the anus before insertion. In pursuit of the P-spot, you’ll also get the benefits of stimulating the entrance to the anus itself — which has just as many nerve endings as the tip of the penis (about 4,000)!
Your prostate is a gland just inside the anus that can feel great when stimulated.
Keep in mind that anally stimulating yourself while stroking your penis may be challenging. It might be best to focus on one or the other, at least to start.
And if you aren’t open to trying prostate stimulation, that’s perfectly all right.
When it comes to the best way to masturbate, it’s important to understand that everyone has personal preferences for reaching orgasm. Prostate stimulation is enjoyable for some and not for others. Deciding what to try and what to skip is totally up to you.
7. Include other erogenous zones
Common erogenous zones — places that feel really great to be touched — on someone with a penis are the penis (obviously), the scrotum, and the perineum. The perineum, often called the taint, is the nerve-packed space between the anus and the scrotum, and many people love to be touched here.
Unfortunately, given how penis-centric a lot of masturbation tips and conversations are, the perineum doesn’t get as much airtime, and antiquated (and homophobic) ideas about where you’re “supposed to” stimulate yourself can keep some people from feeling empowered enough to fully explore their body. If you choose to, though, it’s definitely worth exploring this area to see if it helps stimulate you further while reaching orgasm.
And if it doesn’t, that’s okay, too! Simply move on for now and consider trying again another time. The important thing is that you don’t feel limited when trying out what feels good for you.
As far as erogenous zones on the penis go, the frenulum is a big one. It’s the bit of skin on the underside of the penis where the shaft meets the head, and it’s packed with a ton of nerve endings — so try giving it a little extra attention!
It’s also worth noting that not every erogenous zone is going to be in this region of the body; from your inner thighs, nipples and neck to your inner wrist and ears, the body is packed with erogenous zones, and they often look different on different people. Using a masturbation sesh as an opportunity to explore where else on your body brings you pleasure is a great idea (and can make for more fulfilling partnered sex later on, too).
8. Try different positions
Who said masturbation has to be stationary? Try out different positions to not only switch things up, but also to enhance your pleasure and find what works best for you.
You can stand up, lie down, push your hips forward or elevate them with a pillow — really, the options are endless.
9. Introduce toys to your repertoire
Vibrators and sex toys can be a great way to take things to a new level when you’re learning how to masturbate — and, for the record, they’re definitely not just for vaginas! You can opt for a traditional vibrator, using it to massage your balls or shaft, or you can try a masturbation sleeve for a new sensation (just be sure to use a water-based lube with these!). If you're interested in prostate stimulation, there are toys specifically for that purpose, too.
Worried about having toys that were purchased online delivered to your home, or nervous to go into one of those really old-school adult superstores off the interstate? (We can’t say we’d blame you!) A lot of pharmacies sell things like vibrators and even cock rings; you’d find them in the section where condoms and lube are sold!
10.
Tap into some fantasies
A big part of masturbation, of course, isn’t just knowing how to jerk off, but figuring out what to jerk off to. Though visual aids are obviously helpful here, it’s totally possible to masturbate without porn. While porn can function as a normal, healthy and fun way to discover new things about what you’re attracted to, one cool thing about masturbating without it is that you’re totally in control of the fantasy. Whereas watching porn is passive, masturbating to a fantasy means your mind gets to wander in the direction of what excites you. It’s another great way of figuring out what you’re into, and it can be super helpful if and when you want to share your fantasies with partners later. (If you do choose to watch porn, look for ethically made options, and remember that it’s NOT a model for real sex, but simply a fantasy.)
11. Try it with a partner
Speaking of partners: If you have a partner that you’re in a close relationship with, you could try masturbating together.
This works well both for sexually active couples, and those who are trying to wait a bit before having penetrative sex. This super-stimulating activity allows you both to feel intense pleasure while being together physically. And who knows? Reaching orgasm together but apart just might be the hot new thing to check off your to-do list.
12. Remind yourself that masturbation is a healthy form of self-care
Hopefully you have a supportive community that values sexual health and free expression, but this isn’t the case for everyone. We live in a sex-negative culture — one that puts a lot of pressure on people to act in a certain way, without providing information about the significance of sexual health in a person’s life.
Masturbation is a healthy practice, and you should in no way feel ashamed for wanting to engage in it. It’s a way to explore what you like, release stress and energy, and learn about your body. And it’s not a “second best” option to having sex with partners either — far from it! A healthy solo sex life is just as important as other kinds of sex, as well as an important way to show yourself a little care.
So feel free to get to it, sans any stigma!
Gigi Engle is a writer and sex educator in NYC. She is a certified member of the World Association of Sex Coaches, and serves as a Pleasure Professional with the O.School, where she teaches classes on things like pleasure, sexual health, and confidence.
Keywordspenismasturbationself-love
Read More15 Better Ways to Get Off
A good jack-off falls somewhere between agony and prayer. Read more below.
A good jack-off falls somewhere between agony and prayer. In the shower, I make the same face Mary makes in Bernini sculptures. Panting, my face against the door, I nearly whisper, “Thank you, lord.”
Some people consider masturbation a second-tier sexual experience. We’ve all heard the “sad jack-off story.” After a night of fruitless cruising, your buddy settled for his hand.
There is a problem in the way we talk about self-pleasure. Self-care is often seen as shameful, embarrassing, or unimportant in our social-obsessed culture.
But self-pleasure is something nearly everyone does, something everyone should do, and something we could all do better. Masturbation matters because your body matters. Because pleasure is healthy.
Let me lend a hand. Browse these 15 ways to get the most out of your solo time.
A Word of Warning From Alexander Cheves
My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly. I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. The views in this slideshow do not reflect those of The Advocate and are based solely off of my own experiences. Like everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men.
Those who are sensitive to frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: If you are outraged by content that address sex openly and honestly, I invite you to examine this outrage and ask yourself whether it should instead be directed at those who oppress us by policing our sexuality.
For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions of sex and dating topics in the comments.
Hungry for more? Follow me on Twitter @BadAlexCheves and visit my blog, The Beastly Ex-Boyfriend.
1. Make time for yourself.
Do not let masturbation be a tired, last-minute ritual in the shower or before you fall asleep. Plan time for yourself in advance.
If you think jacking off is something lonely folks do on a Saturday night, reconsider. People set aside time for the gym, meal prep, video games, yoga, and other wellness rituals. Enjoying your body should be one of them.
2. Dress for the occasion.
Ever wonder why some people get into leather and rubber? Because it makes them feel sexy. There are a million different fetishized clothing items, from jockstraps to hosiery to full-body Lycra suits. Wear something that makes you feel aroused.
3. Pay for porn.
Don’t spend an hour searching tube sites.
If you want to watch quality porn, pay for it. There are a lot of performers, directors, and behind-the-scenes folks working hard to help you get off. They don’t work for free.
4. Meditate.
Meditation (for me) means taking a few minutes out of my day to be quiet, breathe, listen to my thoughts, and disconnect. No one says you can’t do these things while getting off.
Some guys take masturbation-as-meditation to admirable lengths. They lay down blankets, oil up, use poppers, and spend a few hours exploring their bodies.
5. Visit a group masturbation night at your local sex club.
Most gay sex clubs have a scheduled night where you can only jack off — no sex allowed.
I dismissed “jacking nights” until I tried them — first in Los Angeles and again in Atlanta. The experience brought new appreciation of masturbation.
I have always considered masturabtion something private. The faces we make when we come are funny and intense and vulnerable. Sharing this with others is intense.
6. Get to the edge.
The ever-reliable Urban Dictionary defines edging as “coming nearly close to climax or ejaculation, then purposefully stopping sexual stimulation in order to delay the same, so that the ultimate climax will be more intense.”
In kink, edging is a scene that typically involves some form of restraint: tying up a willing submissive to where he can’t touch himself, then edging him close to orgasm before intentionally and abruptly halting to keep him from coming.
It gets so intense that the withheld orgasm becomes a form of erotic torture, particularly if the submissive is willing to be edged for many hours (usually with other forms of play like cock and ball torture, nipple play, and other delights).
7. Experiment with different lubes.
When I was writing this slideshow, I dropped questions into my Facebook newsfeed. How do you like to masturbate? How often? What lube do you like?
It seems most uncut guys do not use lube, since being uncircumcised eliminates the need for lube.
According to my Facebook friends, most circumcised guys use spit or silicone lube, and one adorable cub from Chicago uses Albolene, a moisturizer that has been a jacking favorite for generations.
Browse my extensive list of different lubes here.
8. Rub your p-spot.
Straight and queer men everywhere are discovering the wonders of prostate stimulation. In fact, Lelo luxury adult toymaker has made male prostate massagers a prominent part of its global market.
Prostate massagers are short anal toys shaped in such a way that they rub or press on your prostate (typically a small bulbed head). The prostate is that come-inducing walnut located two or three inches inside your ass. The p spot is the most intense “g spot” for men. Stimulating this spot produces the hardest, most intense orgasms imaginable.
There may be some health benefits to using these toys, since many sources, including Livestrong and Natural News, report that p spot stimulation helps lower your risk of prostate cancer.
Go the extra mile and get one that vibrates — you’ll thank me.
9. Stretch.
Most guys like playing with their balls when they masturbate, but have you tried ball stretching?
Ball stretching is a fetish practice of gradually stretching your testicles to make them hang lower from your body. Most guys start ball stretching with stretchy, jelly ball stretchers. These are essentially smaller versions of stretchy, jelly cock rings.
From there, they work up to soft silicone ball stretchers, which are typically a bit more rigid. Other common materials for ballstretchers include TPR, PVC, and body-safe rubber. After ample practice, many guys work up to metal ones. Keep in mind that these are rings you wear around your scrotal sac to make your testicles hang lower.
Pro ball stretchers can wear stretchers that weigh over 1.5 pounds! This takes practice.
Legions of ball stretchers swear that the practice makes your orgasms signficantly harder and more intense.
Guys who play with their balls (grab them, squeeze them) when they jack off will probably concur. While I’m not a pro, I’ve masturbated many times wearing soft silicone ball stretchers, and they’ve been among my most intense solo jack-off sessions.
If your interest is piqued, visit The Art of Ball Stretching by ball stretching aficionado Jarod Johansen.
Pictured: Fort Troff Magno Ballstretcher. (Adult content)
10. Feel the sound.
Sounding is the act of inserting a smooth, slightly curved soft or rigid rod into your urethra. These are called “sounding rods.” Only use a sounding rod designed explicitly for this.
Sounding must be done slowly, carefully, and preferably with the guidance of someone who has done it before. So find a local S&M bud and ask him to train your piss hole.
Sounding is essentially the act of plugging and stretching your urethra, particularly near the head of your dick. While it may sound cringeworthy and painful, many kinky men the world over love sounding and swear it delivers extremely hot solo sessions.
Check out Mr. Racy’s guide to sounding.
11. Explore toyland.
I’m a toy guy. I love pushing ass limits and playing with toys. Once you can relax and train your hole with practice, you may discover that stretching the anal sphincter (your hole) feels really, really good. The only way to practice this is with toys (butt plugs in particular).
To go through all the wonderful sex toys out there would take another slideshow. Check out my top picks of sex toys every gay man should try.
12. Try new locations.
I love jerking off on airplanes, outdoors, and in the showers at the gym. Nontraditional masturbation locations amp up the intensity.
Respect others and be discreet (unless you’re at a cruisy gym and someone wants to watch you wank). Do not intentionally try to make someone see what you’re doing who doesn’t want to or doesn’t consent. This is molestation and can land you in jail.
13. In hooking up, change the way you view masturbation.
Don’t view masturbation as a way to salvage a failed hookup.
Your ass may not be adequately prepped. He may be having some emotional holdovers from his last relationship. Sometimes sex just doesn’t work. When this happens, we usually say, “Well, we can just jack off.”
Don’t ignore all the guys out there who are looking for playmates (on Scruff and Grindr) specifically and solely to beat off together.
14. Do something different every time you masturbate.
Make it a goal for the next month to do something different every time. Try a new lube or a new location or a new porn. This is how you will discover things you never knew you liked.
15. Create your greatest fantasy.
Masturbation is an exercise in imagination. Start with a scenario and focus on it intensely. If you lose focus, steer your mind back.
I don’t watch much porn. The last time I watched porn, I was directing it. Porn doesn’t do much for me.
In my head, I’m walking down a dark flight of stairs into the darkest underground sex club in Berlin.
The stone walls and dark shadows are broken up with spare red lights hanging from the ceiling.
I’m climbing into a sling, getting hooded, and being group fucked and fisted by strangers. I guide myself to this place. I think of the texture of the cold stone and the grease and oil on it. I picture the grime on the rubber treads on the steps, the layer of dust coating the light bulbs, the wet and throaty sounds of bodies slapping against each other in the little rooms on both sides of the dark hallway. The air is hot and smells of poppers and sweat.
Desire and imagination are the tools of pleasure. Use them.
10 answers from a sexologist
Correspondents oLogy asked an expert about what masturbation is, how and why to do it. Answered by Natalia Rusetskaya, PhD, LCSW, sexologist, marital therapist.
What can be called "masturbation"?
Most often, people call masturbation the exploration of their body and sexuality, when they get sexual satisfaction by touching themselves.
And this is not only a direct touch to the genitals, but in principle any kind of activity that gives a person sexual pleasure. You can rub against the corner of a chair or pinch a pillow between your legs. Some people use rounded objects such as a cucumber or the head of a spoon and touch themselves with them. Even reading erotica or sexual fantasies can be called masturbation in a broad sense, although a person may not touch himself. In other words, many types of erotic stimulation, including those that do not end in orgasm, are called masturbation.
At what age is an interest in sex and masturbation normal and natural?
Interest specifically in masturbation as something sexual, and unconscious actions without thinking that it should end in satisfaction are two different things. Even babies can touch themselves, but it's just an exploration of yourself.
Interest in the opposite sex in children can arise quite early: at the age of 5, and at 6, and at 8.
But at this age, the child is simply interested in something new: it is not about sexual satisfaction, but rather about exploring one’s own and someone else’s body . She is different, he is different - it can be very attractive and interesting.
And at a later age, the child accidentally touches his genitals, understands that it is pleasant, and then he can repeat such actions: touch himself from time to time. But this process does not have an erotic background - in the sense that a child can do this unconsciously in order to experience an orgasm.
At what age is it okay to start masturbating?
There is no clear norm in this matter, everything is individual, but usually people begin to masturbate more or less consciously when the onset of puberty approaches. If a person in childhood or adolescence no one in school or family told about this, then at the age of 14-16, when, for example, a boy comes across erotica, he gets an erection when viewing photos.
He, not even knowing what to do with it, intuitively can begin to stimulate his penis and understand that it is pleasant. Adolescents and children who have almost reached teenage age, and girls and boys, usually masturbate regularly. But adults between the ages of 18 and 60 masturbate more than teenagers. By the way, the absence of a sexual partner does not mean that a person will masturbate more often. Those who have regular sexual partners masturbate even more often than people without a partner.
One of my recent patients, when asked when and how she became interested in masturbation, replied that it happened quite by accident. She really wanted to go to the toilet, but the teacher would not let her, so she had to squeeze her legs tightly and try to hold on, at that moment she had a very pleasant sensation. At an older age, she realized that she could achieve orgasm by tightly squeezing her legs. So everything is very individual.
How common is this among people in general? How many people masturbate?
Most people.
The frequency varies: some people masturbate once a month, some once a day or twice a day. It is universal for all cultures of the world. I work with a lot of clients of different nationalities, and only once or twice have I met those who do not masturbate and have not done so before. Most often this is due to religion and cultural characteristics.
What is masturbation for, can it be useful in some way?
In general, masturbation is needed to relieve sexual tension, and it has many benefits for physical and psychological health.
Firstly, with its help you can get rid of stress, relieve tension. For example, some people masturbate before an exam, before some important meetings, if they are very worried. It gives a sexual release.
Secondly, this is a great way to find out something about yourself: what you like and what you don't. This knowledge will be useful in sex: it will be possible to explain to the partner what we like.
In addition, mutual masturbation can be used with a partner - this is when in a pair each touches himself opposite the other. There is no risk of getting pregnant or catching sexually transmitted diseases.
There are other physiological effects as well. For some girls, masturbation helps reduce premenstrual symptoms. It helps some people fall asleep faster. Someone masturbates to strengthen the tone of the muscles in the genital area. In addition, masturbation is used to treat certain sexual dysfunctions.
Can masturbation be harmful? And how often can you masturbate?
It is better to masturbate only when the person really wants to. Under no circumstances should you force yourself. There is no need to set any standard: for example, that this must happen three times a week or once a day.
Masturbation becomes a problem if it interferes with the daily routine. For example, a person begins to be late for school because of this, to miss important events.
In such cases, you need to contact a professional - a sex therapist or psychotherapist.
I had a case in my practice: a young man felt anxious when he met someone and preferred not to do so. He spent a lot of time at home and masturbated so often that it became a problem. He could spend from forty minutes to an hour and a half at the computer watching porn. And if a man often and intensely puts pressure on the penis, then this is harmful, it can even lead to hospitalization.
In such cases, the sexologist during therapy helps to remove the anxiety associated with dating and relationships. When a person becomes more calm and relaxed, it will be easier for him to start a relationship, most likely, the need to masturbate so often and for so long will disappear.
Any advice on how best to do this?
For some people, the environment is very important. A person should understand himself: is it important for him/her or not that, for example, certain music sounds or that everything is beautifully tidied up, so that a person lies on a luxurious fluffy blanket or on beautiful sheets? For some, this doesn't matter at all.
It will be good to remember that a person, while masturbating, plays two roles: he gives pleasure to himself and receives it. You need to try to follow your feelings: when you need to do something faster, slower, stronger.
If we are talking about the clitoris, you can try to move your finger along it in different directions: describe the number "8" with your fingertip or a circle, you can move your finger up and down, from side to side. You can experiment with these different approaches and see what works best.
And speaking of the penis, a man can spread the lubricant along the entire length of the penis and move his hand up and down. In terms of the intensity of penis compression, you also need to monitor what is good and what is uncomfortable.
If a person uses some kind of sexual toys, a vibrator, then it is recommended to wear a condom on them. For more pleasure and ease of process, it is worth using a lubricant, preferably water-based. Cream may be suitable for young men.
But if we talk about the female vagina, then it is better that the cream, oil and everything that is made with the addition of oil does not get inside. It is not recommended to introduce things such as vegetables and fruits.
Can masturbation be more enjoyable than sex?
Masturbation and sex are different pleasures. Of course, it happens that, for example, a man, even being in a relationship, prefers to do everything himself. He says it's easier and faster. Having sex with a girl, he needs to think about how to relax, excite and please her, spending 30-60 minutes on it. Sitting alone in the shower, he can relieve stress in two minutes. But sex is about more vivid sensations and emotions. If people have good emotional and physical contact, then sex, as my clients described, is when you start to see a rainbow, fireworks in your head.
In my practice, there were several cases when a man often masturbated, tightly squeezing his penis.
It was this method that brought him the greatest pleasure for many years. And when he stayed with a girl, he could not get an orgasm, because the sensations were not the same - he was not tight enough in the woman's vagina.
If masturbation brings more pleasure than sex, this does not mean that a man can and wants to continue to live like that. He just got used to it in his youth. When he starts dating girls, it can become a sexual problem - because he does not know how to make sex with a girl like him more. It needs to be dealt with by a therapist.
Another client of mine is now 36 years old. From the age of 14, he only masturbated in photographs of beautiful blondes and only in a certain position: lying and fidgeting on a towel. Now, when he has sex with girls, he does not feel pleasure and does not know how to form these physical and emotional contacts. And this worries him. Usually those people who experience pleasure only from masturbation want to get rid of this and learn how to create healthy sexual relationships.
Do men and women have different attitudes towards masturbation?
Yes, somewhat different. While masturbation is a healthy, safe, and natural process, women are more likely than men to view it as something disgusting and cause feelings of guilt, insecurity, or indifference. Various studies speak of this. This is partly because masturbation has historically been considered an exclusively male behavior. Partly - with the fact that it was previously believed that sex exists only for procreation.
If a girl comes from a traditional family where sex was considered only as a way of reproduction, then she, as a rule, has a distorted idea about masturbation, sexual pleasure and the female body in general. It is difficult for such women to talk with their partners about sex, they do not know what they like and what brings pleasure. This is happening despite the fact that attitudes towards sex and sexuality have changed, and in developed countries masturbation is no longer considered something immoral.
Sometimes parents broadcast myths about masturbation to their children. How does this affect teenagers?
Of course, negatively. In 1812, Dr. Benjamin Rax wrote that frequent masturbation or frequent sex could lead to impotence, blindness, dizziness, stunted growth, epilepsy, memory loss, and death. That was 200 years ago and today, of course, everything has changed. These myths have nothing to do with reality, but some parents continue to tell such horrors to their children. It is important that young people know how to distinguish myth from reality.
10 reasons why a husband engages in masturbation
Sex for a man and a woman is a completely different thing. Roughly speaking, for him this is the ordinary prose of Leo Tolstoy, and for her it is the intimate lyrics of Sergei Yesenin.
If for a man sex is just a way to discharge in a busy rhythm of work and rest (this is actually true, sometimes more energy is spent on a match of your favorite team than a month of work), then for a woman sex is a way to find harmony and plunge into a whirlpool passion, writes malina-mix.com.
Therefore, by and large, feelings are not important for a man - his passion is not born in the head that is on his shoulders. And if there are exceptions, they, for the most part, end as quickly as they are born. Of course, you can argue, but it's true.
According to statistics, 80% of men and 50% of women masturbate. In reality, the numbers are higher. Let's not talk about the beautiful half - this is a topic for a completely different article, but about men ...
And they masturbate not only in the absence of a partner, but also in the presence of a wife (girlfriend). Why? We can highlight 10 reasons for this behavior, as well as find out what to do if your loved one “betrays” you in this way.
Stress
A man can relieve stress in two ways - get drunk or have sex. Moreover, the second is possible in two versions: with a woman or with his own hand. Everyone, of course, chooses what is closer to him. In favor of masturbation, the factor of less effort and energy can play: I went to the toilet, took out the unit, a few minutes - and there was no stress.
Here purely physiological moments play their part. With nervous excitement, the flow of blood increases and an erection occurs.
What if your loved one does this? Try to carefully explain to him that you understand him perfectly: his work is stressful, and you will be happy to help him forget about them.
Show that you do not care about your own pleasure, but about how to make him feel good. Otherwise, a man will simply get used to masturbation, and with the help of it he will not only relieve stress. Masturbation will completely replace you!
Wife became uninteresting
After marriage, you gained a dozen extra pounds, use cosmetics only when you go to work, walk around the apartment in a greasy bathrobe, take a shower in the morning, and not before bedtime - all this affects your relationship in one way or another.
A man still wants sex, but not with you.
Then he will buy erotic magazines and videos, often and for a long time retire to the toilet with a fresh issue of Playboy. Thus, the case can end with infidelity with other women.
To the question “What to do?” - the answer is simple. No need to calm down and cool down. The main reason for adultery and divorce is when the routine absorbs passion and romance.
Moreover, both partners are making efforts towards a similar outcome. One - by his behavior, the other - by silence. Therefore, when a man begins to retire, you should definitely talk to him, find out the reason. And if it is in you, then you need to urgently change something in yourself.
Not enough sex
In general, quite a rare occurrence. Usually a woman does not have enough sex: a man, having done his job, turns away to the wall and sleeps, and a woman sometimes reaches an orgasm on her own. But the opposite also happens: when a man wants every day, and his wife only from time to time.
Of course, when you really want to, but you can’t, you still somehow need to exist. So the solution is masturbation.
At first you don't notice it, then you start guessing. And when you suddenly find him doing this, you are embarrassed. You cannot ask him about the reasons for this behavior, and he is uncomfortable even starting this topic.
Therefore, if you understand that you are not satisfying a man, try to give him more pleasure, use other positions, lubricants (for example, a lubricant to increase the duration of sex).
If you have sex in a missionary position or in a position where a woman makes almost no active movements, shifting all the stress to her partner, then the man will be more tired and the effect of sex will be greater.
I don't feel like exerting myself
Or, in other words, simple laziness can be the reason for masturbation. For the most part, sex for a man is really just an induction-withdrawal process and nothing more.
Therefore, such a man thinks, why strain to give more pleasure to his partner than to himself, if you can just masturbate?
In the end, after such “sex” you don't need to see anyone off and hug – you can even safely roll over and fall asleep: no one will say a word.
The reason for this behavior is psychological, so it is rather difficult to correct it. Unless to explain in practice that no masturbation will replace him with sex with you.
Finally, make sure that he understands the basic rule of sex - the main thing is that you both feel good. Only if he realizes this will he begin to change. And if not, then he will continue to be an egoist, with whom it is hardly necessary to continue relations.
Cannot get satisfaction from sex
Psychological problem again. Moreover, it’s just a fiction that there is no pleasure from sex, but there is from masturbation. The reasons are quite simple: a small penis size, self-doubt, some kind of internal resentment.
All this leads to isolation, obsession with one's own inferiority, and, ultimately, marriage to the first woman who shows sympathy for him and worries about him.
Being constantly morally “downtrodden”, such a man will not be able to enjoy sex, and the only joy for him will be banal onanism. Whatever the wife does, it will be difficult to change the intimate worldview of her beloved. He will probably remain just as closed and bashful if he does not increase his own self-esteem.
What to do? There are three options. Or try to change something, show him what a good man he is, use new positions, do whatever he wants in bed, or take everything as it is and calm down. Or just break up with such a man.
Thinks he can lose weight
Yes, this is indeed one of the reasons. A friend of mine read somewhere that 5 minutes of masturbation replaces half an hour of training in the gym. And he somehow calculated (based on the kilocalories spent during the “classes”) that if he masturbated three times a day for a month, he would lose 12 kilograms.
Further, more. Since the gym exercises involve a load on different muscles, he rummaged through the Internet and found a practical manual for an onanist. It was written in what positions you need to masturbate in order to simulate anal sex, the position from above, from below, from the side, and the like.
And, you know, instead of regularly having sex with his girlfriend, he exhausted himself with daily masturbation, expended a lot of energy and ate and drank just as much because of it. In the end, he gained 5 kilos. And signed up for the pool.
Of course, a man who believes in such amazing properties of onanism will not tell his missus what he is actually doing in order to surprise her with his new figure. But at the time of these trainings, he, of course, will not have the strength to satisfy his wife.
Therefore, it only remains for her to sympathize and advise, if not to convince the unfortunate man of the absurdity of his occupation, then at least somehow wait a certain time until he himself is convinced of the uselessness of masturbation as a means of losing weight.
For him it is in the order of things
The most interesting is this point. The man thinks he should masturbate. Just like eating and drinking. Well, such is his nature, what can you do here? A woman, of course, will not understand this logic. For her, masturbation is already a sign, if not of infidelity, then of her (the woman's) imperfection in the eyes of her husband. Explaining to him that he is wrong is like hammering a nail with a computer.
Therefore, in this case, use his hobby for the benefit of your relationship. Say that you enjoy watching him masturbate and you will gladly join him. Ultimately, look at it as one of the sex games, incredibly exciting and unusual.
I want another woman, but I don't want to betray
Even if we look at the history of mankind, we see harems in the East and courtesans in the West. Of course, a man who loves his wife and does not want to hurt her will never betray.
But if he wants something new that his wife cannot give, then he can find a simple way out.
You can self-satisfy by looking at a photo or video of the woman he wants - also imagining at that moment what he is doing with her. This is change without change.
It is unlikely that a woman should do anything in this case. A man does not go to the left - why extra troubles? The only negative is that there is a certain probability that he will like such “sex” over time more than normal, or betrayal will become real.
Urgently wants sex, but no one is around
When a man “wants”, he tries to somehow satisfy his desire. For example, if you go to work before he wakes up, then the husband, feeling a morning erection, can calmly masturbate in the shower, whistling the anthem of his favorite football team. Of course, this is not a trend or a disease, but ordinary incontinence.
Unlike most of the previous cases, there is no point in fighting this. And you don't need to. Such a man is quite confident in himself, he understands that masturbation is temporary.
