Narcissist withholding sex
How Narcissists Withhold Love to Control Their Partners
One of the common mistakes about narcissism is that the narcissist is in full control of their behavior. The narcissist is often portrayed as someone who is so comfortable with their superiority that they deem other people as insignificant.
In reality, a narcissist is deeply insecure and cannot tolerate any type of criticism or rejection. They go on the attack, using verbal abuse, gaslighting, and other forms of manipulation to control others to avoid feeling out of control themselves.
However, narcissists do not begin a relationship in this fashion and with this behavior. Most narcissists are very charismatic and engaging, showering their partner with gifts, attention, and promises of a perfect future. This is sometimes known as love bombing. The narcissist overwhelms the partner in a whirlwind of affection and attention that is over the top.
The Cycle
This love bombing is only one part of the cycle. Once the relationship is secured or stabilized, the trauma and emotional abuse are quick to follow. Depending on the narcissist, this can include ignoring the person, refusing to engage in conversations, and then a sudden, unexplained and complete removal of intimacy and affection.
In some cases, the narcissist disappears in both the physical and emotional sense. This sudden withholding of intimacy, affection, and attention is painful, disturbing, and unsettling to the partner. They are left wondering what they have done, if the other person will come back, and how they can make it up to the narcissists. Other behaviors used by narcissists include:
- Lying
- Blaming
- Shaming
- Withdrawing financial support
- Threatening to leave
- Manipulation of your relationships with friends and family
The narcissist may not understand the psychological cause of the sudden attention of the partner when they do return, but they are happy to accept the attention and the feeling of superiority and control it provides.
Often love bombing following love withholding, creating a cycle that never ends.
Intermittent Reinforcement
What the partner does not realize is the love bombing followed by sudden love withholding creates what is known as intermittent reinforcement. This type of reinforcement is the reason why people play the lottery or go to the casino. Sometimes the betting results in a loss, sometimes it results in a win, and every now and then, it results in a big win.
Narcissists use intermittent reinforcement to create a positive flood of emotion in the partner. The sense of positive emotion is a result of an increase in dopamine, a reward chemical in the brain. The partner does not understand why the narcissist has suddenly become loving, but they become more bonded to the individual with each cycle. This trauma bond is only possible if the withdrawal and the return of affection are intermittent.
Tips to Get Out of the Cycle
Breaking out of this cycle is not easy unless you are able to distance yourself from the narcissist.
Some strategies for breaking the cycle include:
- Setting boundaries — working with a therapist to set boundaries to protect yourself is critical for your mental health.
- Reconnecting with support people — friends and family can provide support when the narcissist withholds.
- Practice self-care — putting yourself first should be a priority.
- Accept reality — working through the gaslighting, lying, and manipulation and seeing the relationship as it truly is will be essential.
Working with a therapist specializing in healing after narcissistic abuse is the best way to heal and move into positive relationships in the future. It also helps you to identify the games the narcissist is playing that cause emotional trauma in your life.
To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
Narcissist Withholding SEX – Why The Narcissist Stops Having Sex With You – psychopathEXposure
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Narcissists withhold sex from their partners as a form of manipulation and control.
It’s a textbook narcissistic abuse mechanism that will slowly but surely drive you crazy and crush your self esteem.
When the psychopath narcissist starts withholding sex from their partners, they have most likely already groomed and secured their new source of supply and have already made up their minds that they are done with you. From now on, they will continue withholding sex and devaluing your worth; their is no going back now.
Let’s go over the reasons why a psychopath narcissist stops having sex with you and what actions you can take to get thru this horrible phase in your toxic relationshit.
Remember that all narcissists follow pretty much the same patterns.
In the beginning stages of a toxic relationship with a psychopath narcissist, everything is absolutely amazing especially the sex and intimacy between both partners. I would go as far as saying, especially the sex.
This is the love bombing idealization phase. During this phase you are being groomed by the narcissist and becoming conditioned to their extra attention and admiration of you. They are highly sexual towards you and come off as sexual nymphs.
This can be very enticing to anyone at first and it’s easy to fall in love with all that praise and warm attention. Sex with a narcissist can be the best you ever had in your life and you will have plenty of it. You will become addicted and dependent on the sex and will be amazed at how you ever attracted such a hot and heavy partner.
This is what the psychopath hopes you will believe and this how we fall for their trap.
Now is when things get crazy.
After a few months of this amazing sex, love and admiration, you will start noticing a change in your partner. It will come slow but not slow enough where your gut doesn’t notice something is wrong. This is purposely orchestrated in order to create anxiety and a sense of impending doom. All part of the narcissist’s handbook.
The psychopath narcissist will now start withholding sex from you more and more often. They will not be in the mood anymore, or will barely be into it. You will feel as if they are thinking of someone else and are not fully present with you. The sex will no longer feel hot and wild but instead, sex with the narcissist will feel disconnected and cold. They will say things during the act that are buzz killers and will plant seeds in your head that they might be cheating on you.
The psychopath narcissist always cheats on their partners so your intuition is correct.
The excuses will no longer make sense after a while and you will soon start arguing with them about how they are withholding sex from you.
They will deny it and randomly tease you with promises of having sex the next time they come over. They will tell you that they are horny and can’t wait to bang your brains out, but this is a lie.
The narcissist is a liar and has absolutely zero intentions of having sex with you again. They are already having their sexual needs met by their new source of supply. They are focused on grooming their new target and future victim than having any type of sexual intimacy with you.
Of course they will stick around for a while longer in order to extract narcissist supply from you aka anything of value that you have to offer them that will benefit their life.
The longer you stay in this toxic relationship, the more the narcissist withholds sex from you… and the more frustrated you become and the more you try to please them in hopes of getting what you need from your partner.
In time they will start planting seeds of evidence that they are cheating on you only for you to discover and question them.
They want to get caught because they know how much it will crush you.
It’s all part of their evil plan. It makes them laugh and gives them a sick rush of adrenaline.
This is all narcissistic supply for the psychopath who now is enjoying watching you suffer. The narcissist loves torturing you this way and they know that since you are addicted to the wild sex you once had, you will never leave them. This empowers the narcissist and gives them almost total control of your emotions. This is how they hold power over you.
There is no turning back at this point. Your relationship with the narcissist is already doomed. You must start planning your exit strategy now because it’s only a matter of time before your are discarded by the narcissist and if you think you are suffering now, you don’t want to feel the abandonment of a narcissist discard. It’s really ugly.
You might as well start having your needs met by someone else as well and preparing yourself to move on because the person you were in love with is not who you thought they were.
They never were. You were conned by a monster who used you for their supply and benefit until it was time to discard you and throw you to the wolves.
Terminate your relationship with the narcissist now before it’s too late. This is the only way. I have spoken.
ARE YOU A VICTIM OF A PSYCHOPATH NARCISSIST?
Narcissistic abuse is a perpetual nightmare not many can wake up from. The anxiety, trauma and PTSD can last a lifetime if one does not properly cut ties with their psychopathic tormentor and follow through with a specific plan for recovery.
However, this path can be a mystery to most victims of narcissists who’ve been discarded and dismantled. That’s why I’ve put together a step-by-step guide that will show you how to take the first step in establishing boundaries between you and your abuser. Study this guide carefully and do exactly what it says, especially if you have been recently discarded and left to rot by your narcissist ex.
These were the first instructions my mentor gave me back when I too was in hell; gasping for air from the suffocating panic and bed ridden anxiety my psychopath ex had left me in. I followed his guidance to the tee and instantly felt life breathing back into my soul… as will YOU when you follow these easy steps.
The information in this guide is crucial to your mental health and recovery. Do not hesitate or risk another minute of your life drifting into oblivion at the hands of a psychopath narcissist.
Get your Free 22 page Ebook now by simply filling in your name and email address below.
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Kim Saeed. The narcissist and his sexual program
Sex and intimacy are of great importance in any intimate romantic relationship. Both of these elements are important in creating and maintaining a meaningful partner's attachment, but today we will focus on sex.
And narcissism.
Perhaps many of the readers of this article have experienced bouts of pain, fear, sadness, anger, guilt… or a combination of these emotions.
Why?
Because for the narcissist, sex is one of the tools to manipulate and destroy the self-esteem of his partner(s). In most cases, his behavior is consistent deceit, denial of tenderness, degradation of requests, a penchant for pornography and verbal abuse. Or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, narcissists are such adept lovers that their partners often stay in abusive relationships because they have never had such a good time in sex, and as a result, this leads to a distorted dysfunctional self-image, accompanied by feelings of hatred, guilt, and shame.
Somatic narcissist
The self-perception of the somatic narcissist (open and hysteroid-like) is based entirely on admiration for his own body, and he uses his sexual prowess to get a resource provider. Somatic narcissists often achieve good results in sports, have a successful time at the gym, and adorn themselves with clothes that accentuate their physique.
He or she is sexually hyperactive and is often very fond of boasting about his own sexual exploits, convinced that the more the better. They are never faithful to their partners and love to seduce married people, virgins and virgins, homosexuals and generally anyone whose sexual availability is problematic. They may resort to plastic surgery to make their body more perfect and seductive, and as a result, attract even more victims.
In the bedroom, somatics seem to be very good lovers, gentle and caring... but only at first. Just as they have learned to be charming in society, they have learned to be attractive in the bedroom. However, as time passes, the somatic partner begins to feel like a thing that the narcissist is masturbating about. Somatic sex eventually turns into something cold, insensitive, and shameful.
As soon as the relationship begins to deteriorate (no doubt through the fault of the somatic narcissist), the somatic shows his true colors. It can manifest itself in many ways, for example, his partner discovers that the somatic is addicted to watching pornography, has intimacy with many other partners, has registered on dating sites, or insistently asks to try bizarre, uncomfortable and emotionally traumatic types of sex.
Both somatic and cerebral narcissists prefer masturbation to partner sex, and they perform sexual acts solely to provide themselves with a supplier. It is not uncommon for a somatic narcissist to be addicted to porn for so long that he develops porn-induced erectile dysfunction. Subsequently, they accuse the unsuspecting partner of being unable to have sex; instill in a partner an erroneous opinion about his unattractiveness.
The somatic narcissist understands that society condemns numerous sexual conquests, so he often tries to convince his partners that he is suffering from a sexual addiction. He goes even further by insisting that his partner(s) put up with it!
Cerebral narcissist
The cerebral (often hidden) narcissist can be charming and sexy during the idealization phase, his main trump card is to present his own intelligence, career and/or achievements to seduce the resource provider. Although he can put on a decent show in the bedroom at first, it soon becomes apparent that he is not interested in sex.
(Oddly enough, a cerebral narcissist may seem to be sex-hungry at the beginning of a relationship, but probably only because something disruptive happened in his or her life that prompted him or her to look for a new supplier who he can attract with sex.)
Many victims of cerebral narcissism complain that their partner refuses to have sex with them as a punishment and/or to exercise control. Exactly! But it's also important to understand that the cerebral narcissist just doesn't like having sex. He considers sexual pleasures to be manifestations of the animal nature and prefers masturbation, thereby making sure that he has contacted an “animal” below himself in terms of development. In fact, he often chooses disguise partners to appear successful in the eyes of other people. Therefore, often a cerebral narcissist refuses to have sex with you simply because he has no desire to do it, and because he is a narcissist, he has no interest in caring for the desires of a partner. In fact, in the mind of the cerebral narcissist, the partner's beliefs look disgusting, which is why he eventually leaves.
A cerebral's partner can make sure that he has a lot of time-consuming hobbies, that he devotes himself to large projects that take a lot of time and energy, and has a tendency to be indifferent to his own appearance. These are all covert ways to avoid sex and look unattractive in the hope of keeping the “used, unassuming” supplier at bay.
They are different, but really the same
Both somatic and cerebral, both types of narcissist use sex to control, hurt and punish their victims. If you feel unwanted, and this feeling is reinforced by your partner who criticizes you or encourages you to feel unworthy, it's time to walk away and break off contact. 9Kim Saeed
Narcissist and Women (continued) - pro_spekt - LiveJournal
Somatic narcissists desire sex with women just like any other healthy man, and perhaps even more, because of the special symbolic nature of sex in the life of a narcissistic person. The humiliation of a woman in sadomasochic acts is sometimes a way to take revenge on her mother.
Sadists by nature, they are extremely proud of their ability to "break off" other people's desires, their ability to resist the passions and sexual desires of women. It makes them feel omnipotent. Narcissists regularly frustrate women sexually, and significant women in their lives are frustrated not only sexually, but also emotionally.
Somatic narcissists simply use women as objects of satisfaction and then abandon them. Figuratively speaking, they "masturbate with women", using them as assistants "of flesh and blood. The emotional background of both somatic and cerebral Narcissus is the same. While the cerebral narcissist punishes through abstinence, the somatic narcissist punishes through excess.
Narcissa's mother acted as if the boy belonged entirely to her, that he was part and parcel of her. The whole life of a narcissistic person is a pitiful effort to prove that she is wrong. The narcissist is constantly looking for confirmation from others that he is special, in other words, that he is, that he really exists.
Women are a threat. Sex for Narcissists has a "bestial" and "universal" nature. There is nothing special or unique about sex. Female sexual needs threaten that Narcissus will become like everyone else, he will have a common denominator with everyone: intimacy, sex, human emotions. Anyone can be sensual, can have sex and reproduce. There is nothing in this activity that would help Narcissus to rise above others, to rise above the crowd. It seems to the narcissist that all women are only interested in these pursuits. Thus, Narcissus emotionally believes that women are extensions of his mother in various guises.
Narcissus viciously hates women, passionately and uncompromisingly. His hatred is primitive, irrational, rooted in mortal fear and punishment. Of course, most narcissists know how to mask or even suppress these unfavorable feelings. But their hatred gets out of hand and breaks out from time to time.
Living with a Narcissist is a difficult and destructive task.
Narcissists are endlessly pessimistic, angry, paranoid and emotionally closed. Their daily routine is woven from threats, complaints, whims, angry tirades and rage.
Narcissists resist disrespect: true and invented. He pushes people away. He humiliates them because it is his only weapon against his own humiliation caused by their indifference. Gradually, wherever he is, social contacts with him become shorter, the circle of acquaintances becomes narrower, and then disappears altogether.
Every Narcissist has schizoid traits. Schizoid - this does not mean that he is a misanthrope. It is not necessary that they will hate people. No, they just don't need them. Sometimes they view social interactions as a nuisance and try to minimize these contacts.
The Narcissist is torn between his need for a Narcissistic Supply (in the form of admiration, flattery, delight) and his desire to be left alone. This desire comes from contempt and a sense of superiority.
The basic conflict is that a person feels his dependence and struggles with it, seeks and avoids intimacy, needs people and rejects them, fascinates and despises them at the same time.
These conflicts lead to a swing: movement towards people, and after a while, an almost ascetic lifestyle.
In such an unpredictable, but always bilious and sick atmosphere (typical of a narcissistic person), the romantic component of love is hardly able to survive. Gradually all feelings die. Relationships become completely empty. Imperceptibly, Narcissus switches to cohabitation without sex.
I have already said that most narcissists are misogynists. Their sexual and emotional life is chaotic. They are unable to love in any sense of the word, and they are unable to develop any kind of close relationship. Due to their lack of empathy, they are unable to offer their partners emotional support.
Do Narcissists miss love? Would they like to be loving? Are they angry at their parents that they have crippled them in this regard?
These questions are incomprehensible to Narcissus. He has no idea how to answer them. Narcissus never loved. They don't know what it is, he has no idea what he's lost.
