Steps to love yourself

13 Habits of Self-Love Every Woman Should Adopt

By Alison Rachel Stewart — Fact checked by Steven O'Brien — Updated on September 18, 2018

Last year was a difficult one for me. I was really struggling with my mental health and was suffering from depression and anxiety. Looking around at other beautiful, successful women, I wondered: How do they do it? How do they manage to feel so good?

I wanted to find out, and I wanted to share with other women who, like me, wanted to feel happy — wanted to feel well. Tapping into my creative energy, I set out to compile a resource anyone could use. I asked women I knew: What are your mantras and habits of self-care?

What they told me was both revolutionary and a total no-brainer at the same time. If I can practice them, I know you can, too. Here are 13 recipes for self-love that are simple in practice and multifaceted in their benefits.

We’re socialised to be competitive, so comparing ourselves to others is natural. But it can be dangerous. There’s just no point in comparing yourself to anyone else on the planet because there’s only one you. Rather, focus on yourself and your journey. The shift of energy, alone, will help you feel free.

In that same vein, don’t worry about what society thinks or expects of you. You can’t make everyone happy, so this is a waste of time and will only slow you down on your journey to being the best you.

We’re told again and again from a young age “nobody’s perfect, everyone makes mistakes.” But the older you get, the more pressure you feel never to fail. Cut yourself some slack! Make mistakes so you can learn and grow from them. Embrace your past. You’re constantly changing and growing from who you once were into who you are today and who you will be one day.

So, forget about that voice in your head that says you need to be perfect. Make mistakes — lots of them! The lessons you’ll gain are priceless.

This is fundamental! So many things in the world want to distract you from this powerful truth. Sometimes even your own internalized sexism affirms your thoughts of inadequacy. You are valuable because you are you, not because of your body.

So, wear what makes you feel good. If it’s a lot or if it’s a little, wear what makes you feel confident, comfortable, and happy.

Not everybody takes responsibility for the energy they put out into the world. If there’s someone who is bringing toxicity into your life and they won’t take responsibility for it, that might mean you need to step away from them. Don’t be afraid to do this. It’s liberating and important, even though it may be painful.

Remember: Protect your energy. It’s not rude or wrong to remove yourself from situations or the company of people who are draining you.

Like erring, feeling afraid is natural and human. Don’t reject your fears — understand them. This healthy exercise can really help with your mental health. Interrogating and evaluating your fears helps you to gain clarity and unmask issues in your life that were causing you anxiety. That, in turn, can help alleviate some — if not all — of your anxiety.

We so often doubt ourselves and our ability to do what’s right, when most of the time we do know in our hearts what’s best. Remember that your feelings are valid. You’re not losing touch with reality. You know yourself better than anyone else, so be your best advocate.

The timing is never going to be perfect for that next big step in your life. The set up may not be ideal, but that shouldn’t hold you back from reaching to meet your goals and dreams. Instead, seize the moment because it may never come back.

Don’t feel bad about doing this. Women, especially, can grow accustomed to putting others first. Although there’s a time and a place for this, it shouldn’t’ be a habit that costs you your mental or emotional well-being.

Find the time to decompress. Without decompressing and recharging you can put serious strain on yourself. Whether it’s spending the day in bed or outdoors in nature, find what helps you decompress and dedicate time to this.

Allow yourself to feel things fully. Lean into pain, revel in your joy, and don’t put limitations on your feelings. Like fear, pain and joy are emotions that will help you understand yourself and ultimately realize that you are not your feelings.

Get into the habit of speaking your mind. Boldness is like a muscle — it grows the more you exercise it. Don’t wait for permission to take a seat at the table. Join the conversation. Contribute your thoughts. Take action, and know that your voice is just as important as anyone else’s.

Try to notice at least one beautiful, small thing around you every single day. Make note of it, and be grateful for it. Gratitude not only gives you perspective, it’s essential to help you find joy.

The world is full of harsh words and critique — don’t add yours to the mix. Speak kindly to yourself, and don’t call yourself mean things. Celebrate yourself. You’ve come so far and grown so much. Don’t forget to celebrate yourself, and not only on your birthday!

Even if you don’t feel particularly powerful, think about how far you’ve come, how you’ve survived. You’re here, right now, alive and powerful beyond your knowledge. And be patient with yourself. Self-love may not happen overnight. But with time, it will settle itself into your heart.

Yes, you may struggle, but you’ll look back on these moments and see how they were stepping stones on your journey to being the best you.

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Alison Rachel Stewart is an artist and the creator of Recipes For Self-Love, a collaborative initiative that celebrates habits, practices, and meditations for self-care and wellness. When she’s not creating personalized items for her Etsy store, you can find Alison writing songs with her band, creating illustrations, or exercising her creative energy into a new project. Follow her on Instagram.

10 Steps to Self-Love Success

Follow these simple rules to begin a practice of self-love that will change the way you interact with yourself and the world around you.

By Ruby Fremon

Loving yourself is magical. Self-love is a powerful force that will positively affect every single aspect of your life. No more giving in to your inner-critic; no more listening to that voice telling you that you’re not good enough; no more settling for less than you deserve. Self-love empowers you to make healthy decisions that serve you in the highest good.

We’ve all heard the benefits of self-love and we know that self-love is something we need. The real question is how. How can we learn to love ourselves? How do we cultivate that deep, loving relationship with self? Here are 10 powerful steps you can take to set you on the fulfilling path toward true self-love.

1. Identify Your Why

If you want to make the shift from desiring self-love to embodying self-love, you must be emotionally connected to that journey. Why is self-love important to you? The answer to that question strengthens your ability to seeing it through.

2. Commit

Be 150 percent committed to your journey to self-love. No excuses. Make self-love a major priority in your life and treat it as such. Don’t let anything get in the way of you and your relationship with self.

3. Forgive

How can you expect to move forward in your life if you’re being weighed down by anger and resentment? It’s simple. You can’t. It’s time to forgive. Forgive yourself, and forgive others. You’re not condoning their behavior when you forgive other people for their wrongdoings, you’re simply giving yourself permission to let go and move on. This is a tough step, but a very mandatory one.

4. Take Back Your Power

Drop the victim mentality and take ownership of your life. No more pointing the finger at others or blaming your circumstances. It’s time to own up and take control. The moment you take ownership is the moment you gain back the power to create change.

5. Let go

Let go of anything that is not serving you in the highest good. This includes relationships, friendships, habits… Get rid of all that is holding you back. This step can ignite feelings of loneliness, but that will pass. Replace toxic people with good people; replace destructive habits with good habits.

6. Surround Yourself With Good

Immerse yourself within the company of uplifting people; people who serve you in the highest good. Surround yourself with people who truly love you, support you, and respect you. If you don’t have those people around you, find them. Seek them out and don’t stop until you do.

7. Practice Self-Compassion

Go easy on yourself. Instead of being your toughest critic, be your own best friend. Talk to yourself the way you want to be talked to. Treat yourself the way you want to be treated. And continue to forgive yourself along the way.

8. Take Care of Your Needs

Do what you need to do to take care of your needs yourself. No more waiting for others to fulfill those needs—you can do this. Honor your needs as they arise and don’t push them aside for any excuse.

9. Set Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are incredibly good for you. They protect your needs and honor your worth. Never hesitate to set healthy boundaries. A tip to help you recognize when a boundary needs to be set is to listen to your intuition. If an interaction feels icky, a line has been crossed. Take that as a sign that you need to set a boundary.

10. Commit to Daily “LoveHabits”

Daily acts of self-love (“LoveHabits”) are a beautiful way to show yourself the love, respect, and level of care that you truly desire. Plus, they make you feel really good. Select LoveHabits that work well for you—habits that feel uplifting, regenerative, and/or energizing. The key is to unapologetically commit to daily LoveHabits.

Self-love is your divine responsibility. When you commit to a deep, loving relationship with self, your entire life will positively shift in the most incredible ways. Follow these 10 steps to cultivate self-love and live a life that truly honors your highest good.

—

Ruby Fremon is a Coach, Catalyst, and Ignitor. She helps women radically boost self-love, take back their power, and create lives that make them ridiculously happy. Imagine how groovy it would feel to wake up feeling amazing about yourself and your life every single day? It’s possible, and Ruby will help you get there. What makes Ruby a truly dynamic Coach, is her ability to blend together practicality with spirituality. This fusion helps her clients create massive life shifts that stick.

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ten steps to yourself (from a book by Louise Hay)

Oren Arnold wrote with humor: “Dear Lord God. I pray for patience. And I want it right now!” Patience is a very powerful tool. Most of us suffer from the expectation of immediate rewards. We must receive it immediately. We don't have the patience to wait. We get annoyed when we have to stand in lines. We hate traffic jams. We wish to receive answers to all questions this very minute. And at the same time - and all the good things in life. Too often we poison other people's lives with our impatience. Impatience is resistance to learning. We want to receive answers without learning the lesson and without taking the necessary steps in this direction.

Imagine that your mind is a garden. To begin with, a garden is a piece of land. We can see thickets of self-hatred flourishing there, boulders of disappointment, anger and anxiety lying around at every step. It is high time to prune the branches of the old tree, which is called the word "fear". One day you'll get it all out of the way and the land will be good. You will sow seeds or plant seedlings of joy and prosperity. Sunlight will fall on the earth, you will irrigate it with the attention of love. At first, it will seem that nothing significant is happening. But do not stop there, continue to care for the garden. If you are patient, your garden will grow and flourish. The same thing happens with consciousness. You "plant" certain thoughts. They turn into a garden of experiences and situations that you so desire. But this requires patience.

Let's not hate ourselves for having negative thoughts. It is better to think that our thoughts are more "creating" than "destroying". We should not blame ourselves for unfortunate circumstances. After all, we can learn from this life experience. Being kind to yourself means putting an end to any accusations and insults against you, as well as punishments.

You also need to learn how to relax. Relaxation is a necessary condition for establishing a connection with the Inner Force. When you are scared and tense, the energy is cut off from you. It only takes a few minutes to completely relax your body and mind. Close your eyes and take deep breaths for a few minutes. On the exhale, you need to focus and quietly say to yourself: “I love you. Everything is fine". And you will notice how much calmer you begin to feel. Thus, you tell yourself that there is no need to live in tension and fear all the time.

Meditation every day! In addition, I recommend resting your mind daily and listening to your inner wisdom. Our society has made meditation into a kind of sacrament, accessible only to initiates. However, meditation is extremely simple. All you have to do is relax well and for a while repeat to yourself such words as "love", "peace" or any other words that matter to you.

"OM"... This sound has come down to us from ancient times, I very often use it in my classes. I think it works great. You can also repeat the affirmations: "I love myself" or "I forgive myself" or "I am forgiven." Then you should listen to your inner feelings.

Some people think that during meditation the thought process stops completely. In fact, it's not necessary at all. The flow of thoughts can simply slow down, and nothing will prevent their free flow. Some sit with a notebook and pencil in hand and write down all their negative thoughts. Thus, they simplify the process of letting go of these thoughts.

When we reach such a state when we can impartially observe the flow of our thoughts, noting: “This is fear, this is anger, but the thought of love, behind it is something nasty, and now I think that everyone will leave ...” - this indicates that we have begun to use the Inner Strength and Wisdom.

You can meditate anywhere, anytime. Try to make meditation a habit. Think of it as a way to focus on your Higher Power. In this way, you will connect with yourself and your Inner Wisdom. Meditation can be practiced in any form that suits you.

Some people meditate while jogging or walking. If your way of meditation is different from others known to you, then this is not a problem. You must choose what suits you personally. For example, I like to dig in my garden, kneeling on the ground. For me, this is meditation for all meditations.

5. The next step in building self-esteem is to learn to praise yourself.

If criticism destroys the inner core, then praise forms it. Recognize your Power - the Divine principle within you. We are all manifestations of the Universal Mind. When you scold yourself, you attack the Power that created you.

Start small. Tell yourself that you are wonderful. Once is certainly not enough. Therefore, repeat these words, sparing no time. Trust me, this will help. The next time you have to do something new and unfamiliar, support yourself with words of encouragement. Allow yourself to accept the good in life without thinking about whether you deserve it or not. I have already said that the belief that we are unworthy of everything keeps happiness out of our lives. Self-destruction separates us from what we want. But how can we say something good about ourselves if we are sure of the opposite?

Think about the position you occupy in your home and in your life in general. Have you ever felt like a good enough, smart, funny, good-looking person? What are you living for? You know that you came into this world with a purpose and that it is not buying a new car every couple of years. What are you willing to do to find yourself?

Do you want to practice affirmations, visualization and other self-healing techniques? Are you ready to forgive? Do you want to meditate? How serious are your intentions to change your life for the better?

6. To love oneself means to gain support.

Go to your friends and ask for help. Asking for help in difficult times is not a sign of weakness, but of strength. Many of us are used to being overconfident and relying only on ourselves. You don't ask for help because your ego won't let you. But, instead of trying to get out on your own, and then getting angry at yourself for your own impotence, it’s better to still ask for help.

7. Love your troubles and shortcomings.

Everything negative in us and in life in general is just a part of a grandiose general plan. Part of the program of the universe. The Universal Mind that created humanity cannot hate us for making mistakes or being angry with our children. The Universal Mind knows that we are trying our best and supports us with its love.

Each of us makes mistakes and makes the wrong choice. However, if we constantly punish ourselves for our mistakes, then this pattern of behavior gradually becomes a habit and becomes quite difficult to give up. At the same time, it is increasingly difficult to make a positive choice. If you tirelessly repeat: “I hate my job. I hate my house. I hate my illness. I hate my relationships. I hate it all,” then it’s hardly worth counting on a happy life.

Remember that no difficult or unpleasant situation occurs by chance. There is something behind each of them. Some very serious reason. Dr. John Harrison, author of Love Your Illness, believes that people should not judge themselves for their illnesses or surgeries.

In fact, one should congratulate oneself on the illness, as it serves as a reliable clue when choosing a life path. It should be understood that any problem is directly related to our outlook on life: we contribute to creating problems by trying to control certain situations. Once we realize this, we can find a way out without compromising health.

Many people who later develop cancer or other incurable diseases have a very characteristic inability to say "no" to authorities. Saying "no" they experience such torment that a program of destruction can be born on a subconscious level that will say "no" for them.

I knew a woman who, realizing the causes of her illness, refused to obey her father's demands unquestioningly and began to live for herself for the first time. At first, it was incredibly difficult for her to say no, but after a while she was happy to find that she had learned and that she was recovering.

No matter what negative stereotypes of thinking and behavior we have, we can always learn to find a way out of the situation in time. That’s why it’s important to ask yourself the following question: “What will this situation lead to? What will I take away from it? Will my experience be positive? We do not like to ask ourselves such questions. However, if we really want to know the answer to them and look inside ourselves, we will find out the truth.

For example, the answer might be: "This is the only way I manage to get the attention of my spouse." With this in mind, you can consider how to get the same result using other, less dangerous ways for your health.

Humor is one of the possible means of recovery. It helps to let go of pain and tension from yourself and, thus, it is easier to survive a stressful situation. We have a special time in Hayride for jokes. Sometimes we invite a "lady-mixer" to our place.

She has such an infectious laugh that no one can remain serious in her presence. You can’t take everything very personally, and besides, laughter has an amazing healing power. I advise you to watch old comedies more often when you are in a bad mood.

Take care of your body. Treat your body like a wonderful home in which you are destined to live for a while. You would love this house, take care of it, wouldn't you? For starters, you should pay attention to what you feed your body.

Drugs and alcohol, two of the most popular means of escaping reality, are now very widespread. If you use drugs, it does not mean that you are a worthless person. This means only one thing: you have not yet found another way to cope with your problems.

Drugs beckon you: “Take us! We'll have a great time. " And it is true. You can find yourself in seventh heaven. However, drugs distort your reality so much that you will eventually have to pay a terrible price for it. After you have been taking drugs for some time, your health begins to deteriorate dramatically.

First of all, the immune system suffers, which leads to the development of many different diseases. In the future, you can no longer refuse drugs. Therefore, before taking them, you need to ask yourself what pushes you to take this risky step. Maybe you are having a difficult period and want to take a break? As for the constant use and drug addiction, this is a completely different story.

I have never met a person who sincerely loved himself and at the same time took drugs. Drugs and alcohol are an attempt to get rid of the feelings of inferiority that we carried with us from childhood.

When the state of drug intoxication passes, we feel even worse than before. Moreover, we additionally take on a sense of guilt. We have yet to learn that there is no need to hide from feelings. Feeling is safe. In addition, any feelings pass sooner or later.

Another evidence of self-dislike is malnutrition. We cannot live without food, because it is the fuel for our body. Without it, there would be no development of new cells. But even if we are familiar with the basics of proper nutrition, we still use products that harm our health and lead to obesity. Even future doctors are not taught the basics of proper nutrition. It is good if the medical student himself expresses a desire to get acquainted with this subject optionally. What is commonly referred to as traditional medicine is mainly based on medical treatment and surgery. Knowledge on the basics of proper nutrition can only be obtained independently, at your own request. Careful attention to food and your well-being is a manifestation of self-love. If you start to feel sleepy an hour after breakfast, ask yourself what you ate. Perhaps it was something that your body cannot handle in the morning hours. Pay attention to those foods that give you energy, as well as those that take it away.

In this case, you can proceed by trial and error. In addition, it is worth consulting a good specialist who will answer all your questions.

9. I often emphasize the importance of working with a mirror.

This is a very good way to find out what is keeping us from loving ourselves. There are several ways to work with a mirror. For example, here is one of my favorites. In the morning, the first thing you need to do is go to the mirror and say, looking at the reflection: “What can I do for you today? What will give you pleasure and benefit? And then you need to carefully listen to the answer of the inner voice. Follow his advice throughout the day. It happens that some people can not wait for an answer. This is due to the fact that before that they scolded themselves too much: the inner voice has not yet got used to responding to affectionate words full of love. If something unpleasant happens to you during the day, go to the mirror and say: "I still love you." All events have a beginning and an end, but your love is endless, and this is the most important thing. And if something good happens, take another look at your reflection in the mirror and say, “Thank you.” Be grateful to yourself for experiencing happiness. Standing in front of a mirror can teach you forgiveness. Try to forgive yourself and others. Looking in the mirror, you can talk to those with whom you do not dare to communicate face to face.

You can sort things out with parents, bosses, doctors, children, lovers. You can just say what you were afraid to say in another setting. And remember that in the end you always need to ask your "interlocutors" for love and approval, because that's what you need.

People who do not feel love for themselves, as a rule, do not know how to forgive. There is a direct relationship: without forgiving, you will not love. When we forgive and let go of resentment, we throw off an unbearable burden from our shoulders and open the heart of love. People say: “Even my heart felt better!” Of course, because they just got rid of such a burden! Dr. John Harrison believes that by forgiving himself and his parents, releasing all the insults of past years from himself, a person treats his body in a way that no antibiotic can do.

It takes a lot of effort to make your children stop loving you. But if this happened, then they will forgive with great difficulty. When we cannot forgive, we cannot let go of resentment, the past crowds out the present from our lives. If we do not live in the present, then how can we build our future? Old junk from the past can turn into a disgusting dump after a while.

It is very useful to pronounce affirmations in front of a mirror. In this way, you learn to discover the truth about yourself. If, in response to an affirmation, a grumpy voice comes from within: “Are you kidding? It is not true. You don’t deserve this,” consider that you have received a valuable gift. Change is impossible until you know exactly what needs to be worked on.

The grumbling of false inner voices is actually the key to gaining freedom. Respond to a negative attitude with a positive affirmation: “Now I deserve all the best. I allow pleasant and rewarding experiences to fill my life.” Repeat this affirmation until it becomes part of your life.

I have seen how literally before my eyes families are changing in which at least one person is engaged in affirmations. Many who come to us in Hayride have a very cool relationship at home. Well, let's say parents refuse to talk to their children. In this case, we offer the following affirmation: "I have a wonderful, warm, open relationship of love and trust with every member of my family, including my mother."

Affirmation can be changed, depending on the specific problem. I advise: every time the thought of a family or one of its members comes to mind, you need to go to the mirror and repeat this affirmation again. And how nice it is when, after three, or six, or nine months, the parents themselves begin to appear at the meetings.

10. Finally, love yourself now.

Don't wait until you get it right. Eternal dissatisfaction with yourself is just a habit. If you can be happy with yourself now, if you can love and approve of yourself right now, then you are ready to enjoy those good things that will become part of your life. By learning to love yourself, you will be able to love and accept others.

We can't change other people, so leave them alone. Trying to change someone, we spend a lot of energy. If we spent at least half of it on ourselves, we would be completely different. And of course, we would have had a completely different attitude.

You cannot teach anyone to live. Everyone must find their own way. All that is available to you is to know yourself. And self-love is the first step in that direction. It helps to resist the destructive influences that some people can have on you.

If a situation arises in which you have to face a person who is opposed to any change for the better, then just love yourself, love yourself truly, and fate will take all the trouble away from you.

What I am saying seems to be somewhat simplistic. However, I am willing to repeat again and again that the most effective way to avoid problems is to love ourselves for who we are. I sincerely believe in it. The vibrations of love emanating from us will attract loving people to us.

(Based on Louise Hay's book - Heal Your Life)

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Text source: psycabi.net

5 steps to develop self-love than we love another”, are familiar to each of us. For some, they cause misunderstanding, resistance and anger. There is another category of people who hear in these phrases the possibility of changing their inner philosophy or who already live by these rules.

For a long time I myself did not understand what it means to “love yourself” and how this state affects my relationships with others. The complexity of this misunderstanding lies in the fact that there is no particular desire to recognize “dislike for oneself”. After all, behind this realization is sadness, sadness and pain. We all want to feel completely different emotions, right?

In the process of working on this issue, it became clear that “self-love” can only come through the acceptance of today's attitude towards oneself and one's personality. Naturally, this happens precisely through the experience of unpleasant emotions.

So, on the path to acquiring self-love, can you rely on answers about how I am now? What do I know about myself? These can be starting points for self-development in this direction. In order to reach a new level of self-vision, it is important not only to answer these questions, but also to start moving in other directions of knowing yourself and the World.

Based on personal experience and on their professional practice, 5 steps were formed to develop self-love.

Step #1. look inside yourself

If you are able to see beauty, it is only because you carry beauty within you. For the world is like a mirror in which everyone sees his own reflection.
Paulo Coelho

An important stage in the beginning of the path of change from a negative attitude towards oneself to a positive one consists of voicing manifestations of “dislike”. Answer questions:

What are these thoughts?
What are these actions and deeds?
How exactly does your desire to humiliate or devalue yourself manifest itself?

Thus, there is an awareness of one's basic mechanisms of self-destruction and making oneself unhappy. In parallel, there is a formation of a vision of oneself in the so-called positive image. A person begins to see his uniqueness and strengths of personality.

Step #2. Lock in all the good things

All that is is the present moment.
Eckhart Toller

Very often in practice one has to hear about very complex and traumatic events in people's lives. It would seem, how after such long periods of life can one begin to see oneself as a happy and complete person?

The essence of the negative and disturbing attitude to real life is that a person does not want to recognize himself "here and now." He continues to see his past self in the present moment. At the same time, that state of the past is transferred and the opportunity to be happy now is lost.

Based on this, I think you already understand the importance of stopping in the present moment and the need to look at your life in a new way, based on the achievements that you have.

Step #3. Have the courage to live yourself today

He who is content with himself is a rich man.
Lao Tzu

Many of us strive to seem like someone else, to be a person who meets the requirements of society. In this process, it is impossible to be yourself, all behavior will be dictated by people from the outside.

The main and fundamental in the direction of self-love is to be a true self. Have the courage to recognize your features inside and outside of yourself, and in this way the strength and flexibility of perceiving the World and yourself in it is acquired.

Step #4 Take Care of Yourself

Caring is the real ingredient... the true element of love.
Osho

In practice, I realized that the phrase “self-love” does not fully express my inner desire, I replaced it with the phrase “self-care”. It is in this process that the state of “self-love” is expressed. The unwillingness to take care of oneself can be called indifference both to oneself and to others. In my opinion, without this there is no sincerity in what a person does for others.

Step #5: Make a list of things that support your self-love

The fixation of the main forms of self-care will be the logical conclusion on the path of new realizations.

Answer the questions:

What is self-care? How can it manifest itself in my life?
How can I maintain a state of “self-love” every day? What needs to be thought and done for this?
Where can I place my creative aspirations?
How can I express myself?

It is important specifically for yourself to understand how self-love can be manifested daily. For those who are just starting this journey, you can write down a plan for implementing self-care for the day in a notebook or on your phone.

Remember that the past cannot be returned and the situation has already taken place, but at the moment you become the creator of your life and influence your personal future. It is up to you to decide in which harbor the ship of your life will sail.

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