Positive support mechanisms after a loss include
Coping with Grief and Loss
grief & loss
Whatever type of loss you’ve suffered, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. But by understanding the stages and types of grief, you can find healthier ways to cope.
What is grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. Often, the pain of loss can feel overwhelming. You may experience all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions, from shock or anger to disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness. The pain of grief can also disrupt your physical health, making it difficult to sleep, eat, or even think straight. These are normal reactions to loss—and the more significant the loss, the more intense your grief will be.
Coping with the loss of someone or something you love is one of life’s biggest challenges. You may associate grieving with the death of a loved one—which is often the cause of the most intense type of grief—but any loss can cause grief, including:
Even subtle losses in life can trigger a sense of grief. For example, you might grieve after moving away from home, graduating from college, or changing jobs.
Whatever your loss, it's personal to you, so don't feel ashamed about how you feel, or believe that it's somehow only appropriate to grieve for certain things. If the person, animal, relationship, or situation was significant to you, it's normal to grieve the loss you're experiencing. Whatever the cause of your grief, though, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain that, in time, can ease your sadness and help you come to terms with your loss, find new meaning, and eventually move on with your life.
The grieving process
Grieving is a highly individual experience; there's no right or wrong way to grieve. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and how significant the loss was to you.
Inevitably, the grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can't be forced or hurried—and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving.
Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience, it's important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.
| Myths and facts about grief and grieving |
| Myth: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it
Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing, it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it. |
| Myth: It's important to “be strong” in the face of loss.
Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn't mean you are weak. You don't need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you. |
Myth: If you don't cry, it means you aren't sorry about the loss.
Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it's not the only one. Those who don't cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it. |
| Myth: Grieving should last about a year.
Fact: There is no specific time frame for grieving. How long it takes differs from person to person. |
| Myth: Moving on with your life means forgetting about your loss.
Fact: Moving on means you've accepted your loss—but that's not the same as forgetting. You can move on with your life and keep the memory of someone or something you lost as an important part of you. In fact, as we move through life, these memories can become more and more integral to defining the people we are. |
How to deal with the grieving process
While grieving a loss is an inevitable part of life, there are ways to help cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief, and eventually, find a way to pick up the pieces and move on with your life.
- Acknowledge your pain.
- Accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions.
- Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you.
- Seek out face-to-face support from people who care about you.
- Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically.
- Recognize the difference between grief and depression.
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The stages of grief
In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal illness, but many people have generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a loved one or a break-up.
The five stages of grief
Denial: “This can't be happening to me.”
Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
Depression: “I'm too sad to do anything.”
Acceptance: “I'm at peace with what happened.”
If you are experiencing any of these emotions following a loss, it may help to know that your reaction is natural and that you'll heal in time. However, not everyone who grieves goes through all of these stages—and that's okay. Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to go through each stage in order to heal. In fact, some people resolve their grief without going through any of these stages. And if you do go through these stages of grief, you probably won't experience them in a neat, sequential order, so don't worry about what you “should” be feeling or which stage you're supposed to be in.
Kübler-Ross herself never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to everyone who mourns. In her last book before her death in 2004, she said of the five stages of grief: “They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives.”
Symptoms of grief
While loss affects people in different ways, many of us experience the following symptoms when we're grieving. Just remember that almost anything that you experience in the early stages of grief is normal—including feeling like you're going crazy, feeling like you're in a bad dream, or questioning your religious or spiritual beliefs.
Emotional symptoms of grief
Shock and disbelief. Right after a loss, it can be hard to accept what happened. You may feel numb, have trouble believing that the loss really happened, or even deny the truth.
If a pet or someone you love has died, for example, you may keep expecting them to show up, even though you know they're gone.
Sadness. Profound sadness is probably the most universally experienced symptom of grief. You may have feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning, or deep loneliness. You may also cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable.
Guilt. You may regret or feel guilty about things you did or didn't say or do. You may also feel guilty about certain feelings (feeling relieved when a person died after a long, difficult illness, for example). You may even feel guilty for not doing more to prevent your loss, even if it was completely out of your hands.
Fear. A significant loss can trigger a host of worries and fears. If you’ve lost your partner, your job, or your home, for example, you may feel anxious, helpless, or insecure about the future. You may even have panic attacks. The death of a loved one can trigger fears about your own mortality, of facing life without that person, or the responsibilities you now face alone.
[Read: Dealing with Uncertainty]
Anger. Even if the loss was nobody's fault, you may feel angry and resentful. If you lost a loved one, you may be angry with yourself, God, the doctors, or even the person who died for abandoning you. You may feel the need to blame someone for the injustice that was done to you.
Physical symptoms of grief
We often think of grief as a strictly emotional process, but grief often involves physical problems, including:
- Fatigue
- Nausea
- Lowered immunity
- Weight loss or weight gain
- Aches and pains
- Insomnia
Types of grief
Since the experience of grieving following the loss of someone or something important to you tends to be unique to you, it’s difficult to label any type of grief as either “normal” or “abnormal”. However, there are types of grief that fall outside the expected symptoms and reactions described above. These include:
Anticipatory grief
As the name suggests, anticipatory grief develops before a significant loss occurs rather than after.
If a loved one is terminally ill, for example, you have an aging pet, or you know that your retirement or job loss is imminent you may start grieving your loss before it has fully unfolded.
[Read: When a Loved One is Terminally Ill]
Like conventional grief, anticipatory grief can involve a mix of confusing emotions, particularly anger. Some people even equate it to giving up hope and refuse to allow themselves to grieve before their loss has occurred. However, anticipatory grief can also give you chance to prepare for your loss, resolve any unfinished business, or say your goodbyes, for example.
Disenfranchised grief
Disenfranchised grief can occur when your loss is devalued, stigmatized, or cannot be openly mourned. Some people may minimize the loss of a job, a pet, or a friendship, for example, as something that’s not worth grieving over. You may feel stigmatized if you suffered a miscarriage or lost a loved one to suicide.
Disenfranchised grief can also occur when your relationship to a deceased is not recognized.
Some people may consider it inappropriate to grieve for a work colleague, classmate, or neighbor, for example. As a close friend or same-sex partner you may be denied the same sympathy and understanding as a blood relative. This can make it even more difficult to come to terms with your loss and navigate the grieving process.
Complicated grief
The pain at a significant loss may never completely disappear, but it should ease up over time. When it doesn’t—and it keeps you from resuming your daily life and relationships—it may be a sign of complicated grief.
Complicated grief usually arises from the death of a loved one, where the loss has left you stuck in a state of bereavement. You may be unable to accept your loved one has gone, search for them in familiar places, experience intense longing, or even feel that life isn’t worth living.
If you’re experiencing complicated grief and the pain from your loss remains unresolved, it’s important to reach out for support and take the steps that will enable you to heal.
Seeking support for grief and loss
The pain of grief can often cause you to want to withdraw from others and retreat into your shell. But having the face-to-face support of other people is vital to healing from loss. Even if you're not comfortable talking about your feelings under normal circumstances, it's important to express them when you're grieving.
While sharing your loss can make the burden of grief easier to carry, that doesn't mean that every time you interact with friends and family, you need to talk about your loss. Comfort can also come from just being around others who care about you. The key is not to isolate yourself.
Turn to friends and family members. Now is the time to lean on the people who care about you, even if you take pride in being strong and self-sufficient. Rather than avoiding them, draw friends and loved ones close, spend time together face to face, and accept the assistance that's offered. Often, people want to help but don't know how, so tell them what you need—whether it's a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, or just someone to hang out with.
If you don't feel you have anyone you can regularly connect with in person, it's never too late to build new friendships.
Accept that many people feel awkward when trying to comfort someone who's grieving. Grief can be a confusing, sometimes frightening emotion for many people, especially if they haven't experienced a similar loss themselves. They may feel unsure about how to comfort you and end up saying or doing the wrong things. But don't use that as an excuse to retreat into your shell and avoid social contact. If a friend or loved one reaches out to you, it's because they care.
Draw comfort from your faith. If you follow a religious tradition, embrace the comfort its mourning rituals can provide. Spiritual activities that are meaningful to you—such as praying, meditating, or going to church—can offer solace. If you're questioning your faith in the wake of the loss, talk to a clergy member or others in your religious community.
Join a support group.
Grief can feel very lonely, even when you have loved ones around. Sharing your sorrow with others who have experienced similar losses can help. To find a bereavement support group in your area, contact local hospitals, hospices, funeral homes, and counseling centers, or see the links below.
[Read: Support Groups: Types, Benefits, and What to Expect]
Talk to a therapist or grief counselor. If your grief feels like too much to bear, find a mental health professional with experience in grief counseling. An experienced therapist can help you work through intense emotions and overcome obstacles to your grieving.
Taking care of yourself as you grieve
When you're grieving, it's more important than ever to take care of yourself. The stress of a major loss can quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you get through this difficult time.
Face your feelings. You can try to suppress your grief, but you can't avoid it forever.
In order to heal, you have to acknowledge the pain. Trying to avoid feelings of sadness and loss only prolongs the grieving process. Unresolved grief can also lead to complications such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems.
Express your feelings in a tangible or creative way. Even if you’re not able to talk about your loss with others, it can help to write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal, for example. Or you could release your emotions by making a scrapbook or volunteering for a cause related to your loss.
Try to maintain your hobbies and interests. There's comfort in routine and getting back to the activities that bring you joy and connect you closer to others can help you come to terms with your loss and aid the grieving process.
Don't let anyone tell you how to feel, and don't tell yourself how to feel either. Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it's time to “move on” or “get over it.
” Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. It's okay to be angry, to yell at the heavens, to cry or not to cry. It's also okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, and to let go when you're ready.
Look after your physical health. The mind and body are connected. When you feel healthy physically, you'll be better able to cope emotionally. Combat stress and fatigue by getting enough sleep, eating right, and exercising. Don't use alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of grief or lift your mood artificially.
[Read: Self-Medicating Depression, Anxiety, and Stress]
Plan ahead for grief “triggers.” Anniversaries, holidays, and important milestones can reawaken painful memories and feelings. Be prepared for an emotional wallop, and know that it’s completely normal. You can plan ahead by making sure that you’re not alone, for example, or by marking your loss in a creative way.
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Authors: Melinda Smith, M.
A., Lawrence Robinson, and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D.
- References
Depressive Disorders. (2013). In Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. American Psychiatric Association. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787.x04_Depressive_Disorders
Zisook, S., & Shear, K. (2009). Grief and bereavement: What psychiatrists need to know. World Psychiatry, 8(2), 67–74. https://doi.org/10.1002/j.2051-5545.2009.tb00217.x
Stroebe, M., Schut, H., & Stroebe, W. (2007). Health outcomes of bereavement. The Lancet, 370(9603), 1960–1973. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(07)61816-9
Simon, N. M., Wall, M. M., Keshaviah, A., Dryman, M. T., LeBlanc, N. J., & Shear, M. K.
(2011). Informing the symptom profile of complicated grief. Depression and Anxiety, 28(2), 118–126. https://doi.org/10.1002/da.20775Corr, C. A. (1999). Enhancing the Concept of Disenfranchised Grief. OMEGA – Journal of Death and Dying, 38(1), 1–20. https://doi.org/10.2190/LD26-42A6-1EAV-3MDN
Johansson, A. K., & Grimby, A. (2012). Anticipatory grief among close relatives of patients in hospice and palliative wards. The American Journal of Hospice & Palliative Care, 29(2), 134–138. https://doi.org/10.1177/1049909111409021
Grief and Loss – A guide to preparing for and mourning the death of a loved one. (Harvard Medical School Special Health Report)
Death and Grief – Article for teens on how to cope with grief and loss. (TeensHealth)
Grief: Coping with Reminders after a Loss – Tips for coping with the grief that can resurface even years after you’ve lost a loved one. (Mayo Clinic)
Complicated Grief – Difference between the normal grief reaction and complicated grief.
(Mayo Clinic)
The Importance Of Mourning Losses (Even When They Seem Small) – Understanding disenfranchised grief. (NPR)
Disenfranchised Grief – Understanding and coping with disenfranchised grief. (Family Health Psychiatric & Counseling Center)
5 Steps for Dealing with Anticipatory Grief – Helping yourself and your loved one. (Visiting Nurse Service of New York)
4 Types of Grief Nobody Told You About – Examines less common reasons for grief such as loss of identity, safety, and dreams. (Psychology Today)
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Last updated: October 13, 2022
Bereavement and Grief | Mental Health America
In our hearts, we all know that death is a part of life. In fact, death gives meaning to our existence because it reminds us how precious life is.
Coping With Loss
The loss of a loved one is life's most stressful event and can cause a major emotional crisis. After the death of someone you love, you experience bereavement, which literally means "to be deprived by death.
"
Knowing What to Expect
When a death takes place, you may experience a wide range of emotions, even when the death is expected. Many people report feeling an initial stage of numbness after first learning of a death, but there is no real order to the grieving process. Some emotions you may experience include:
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These feelings are normal and common reactions to loss. You may not be prepared for the intensity and duration of your emotions or how swiftly your moods may change. You may even begin to doubt the stability of your mental health. But be assured that these feelings are healthy and appropriate and will help you come to terms with your loss.
Remember: It takes time to fully absorb the impact of a major loss.
You never stop missing your loved one, but the pain eases after time and allows you to go on with your life.
Mourning A Loved One
It is not easy to cope after a loved one dies. You will mourn and grieve. Mourning is the natural process you go through to accept a major loss. Mourning may include religious traditions honoring the dead or gathering with friends and family to share your loss. Mourning is personal and may last months or years.
Grieving is the outward expression of your loss. Your grief is likely to be expressed physically, emotionally, and psychologically. For instance, crying is a physical expression, while depression is a psychological expression. It is very important to allow yourself to express these feelings. Often, death is a subject that is avoided, ignored or denied. At first it may seem helpful to separate yourself from the pain, but you cannot avoid grieving forever. Someday those feelings will need to be resolved or they may cause physical or emotional illness.
Many people report physical symptoms that accompany grief. Stomach pain, loss of appetite, intestinal upsets, sleep disturbances and loss of energy are all common symptoms of acute grief. Of all life's stresses, mourning can seriously test your natural defense systems. Existing illnesses may worsen or new conditions may develop.
Profound emotional reactions may occur. These reactions include anxiety attacks, chronic fatigue, depression and thoughts of suicide. An obsession with the deceased is also a common reaction to death.
Dealing with a Major Loss
The death of a loved one is always difficult. Your reactions are influenced by the circumstances of a death, particularly when it is sudden or accidental. Your reactions are also influenced by your relationship with the person who died.
A child's death arouses an overwhelming sense of injustice — for lost potential, unfulfilled dreams and senseless suffering. Parents may feel responsible for the child's death, no matter how irrational that may seem.
Parents may also feel that they have lost a vital part of their own identity.
A spouse's death is very traumatic. In addition to the severe emotional shock, the death may cause a potential financial crisis if the spouse was the family's main income source. The death may necessitate major social adjustments requiring the surviving spouse to parent alone, adjust to single life and maybe even return to work.
Elderly people may be especially vulnerable when they lose a spouse because it means losing a lifetime of shared experiences. At this time, feelings of loneliness may be compounded by the death of close friends.
A loss due to suicide can be among the most difficult losses to bear. They may leave the survivors with a tremendous burden of guilt, anger and shame. Survivors may even feel responsible for the death. Seeking counseling during the first weeks after the suicide is particularly beneficial and advisable.
Living with Grief
Coping with death is vital to your mental health.
It is only natural to experience grief when a loved one dies. The best thing you can do is allow yourself to grieve. There are many ways to cope effectively with your pain.
Seek out caring people. Find relatives and friends who can understand your feelings of loss. Join support groups with others who are experiencing similar losses.
Express your feelings. Tell others how you are feeling; it will help you to work through the grieving process.
Take care of your health. Maintain regular contact with your family physician and be sure to eat well and get plenty of rest. Be aware of the danger of developing a dependence on medication or alcohol to deal with your grief.
Accept that life is for the living. It takes effort to begin to live again in the present and not dwell on the past.
Postpone major life changes. Try to hold off on making any major changes, such as moving, remarrying, changing jobs or having another child.
You should give yourself time to adjust to your loss.
Be patient. It can take months or even years to absorb a major loss and accept your changed life.
Seek outside help when necessary. If your grief seems like it is too much to bear, seek professional assistance to help work through your grief. It's a sign of strength, not weakness, to seek help.
Helping Others Grieve
If someone you care about has lost a loved one, you can help them through the grieving process.
Share the sorrow. Allow them — even encourage them — to talk about their feelings of loss and share memories of the deceased.
Don't offer false comfort. It doesn't help the grieving person when you say "it was for the best" or "you'll get over it in time." Instead, offer a simple expression of sorrow and take time to listen.
Offer practical help.
Baby-sitting, cooking and running errands are all ways to help someone who is in the midst of grieving.
Be patient. Remember that it can take a long time to recover from a major loss. Make yourself available to talk.
Encourage professional help when necessary. Don't hesitate to recommend professional help when you feel someone is experiencing too much pain to cope alone.
Helping Children Grieve
Children who experience a major loss may grieve differently than adults. A parent's death can be particularly difficult for small children, affecting their sense of security or survival. Often, they are confused about the changes they see taking place around them, particularly if well-meaning adults try to protect them from the truth or from their surviving parent's display of grief.
Limited understanding and an inability to express feelings puts very young children at a special disadvantage.
Young children may revert to earlier behaviors (such as bed-wetting), ask questions about the deceased that seem insensitive, invent games about dying or pretend that the death never happened.
Coping with a child's grief puts added strain on a bereaved parent. However, angry outbursts or criticism only deepen a child's anxiety and delays recovery. Instead, talk honestly with children, in terms they can understand. Take extra time to talk with them about death and the person who has died. Help them work through their feelings and remember that they are looking to adults for suitable behavior.
Looking to the Future
Remember, with support, patience and effort, you will survive grief. Some day the pain will lessen, leaving you with cherished memories of your loved one.
Defense mechanisms of personality
Sigmund Freud introduced the term "defense mechanism" for the first time.
The functional significance of psychological defenses is to reduce anxiety, tension, restlessness, frustration caused by the contradiction between the impulses of the unconscious and the requirements of the external environment that arise as a result of interaction with the environment.
Psychological protection performs the function of regulating human behavior, making it more adaptive, increases adaptability, stabilizes the psyche and normalizes the state of the individual.
The main defense mechanisms include: repression, projection, substitution, rationalization, reactive formation, regression, sublimation, denial.
- Displacement.
One of the main and primary mechanisms is repression, which consists in rejecting events, thoughts, and experiences that are unpleasant for us. As a result, a person ceases to be aware of internal conflicts, and also does not remember traumatic events of the past. The repressed impulses do not lose their activity in the unconscious sphere and appear in the form of dreams, jokes, slips of the tongue, and so on.
Repression can be compared to a dam that can break - there is always a risk that memories of unpleasant events will break out.
The psyche spends a huge amount of energy on their suppression.
- Projection.
In terms of its importance, the next mechanism is projection - attributing one's own socially undesirable feelings, desires, aspirations to others. This psychological defense mechanism makes it possible to relieve oneself of responsibility for one's own character traits and desires that seem unacceptable.
For example, unreasonable jealousy may be the result of the projection mechanism. Protecting himself from his own desire for infidelity, a person suspects his partner of infidelity.
- Replacement.
In this defense mechanism, the manifestation of the instinctive impulse is redirected from a more threatening object or person to a less threatening one. For example, an overly demanding employer criticizes an employee, and she reacts with outbursts of rage to minor provocations from her husband and children. She does not realize that, being the objects of her irritation, they are simply replacing the boss. In this example, the true object of hostility is replaced by a much less threatening one for the subject.
- Rationalization.
Rationalization as a defensive process consists in the fact that a person unconsciously invents logical judgments and conclusions to explain his failures. This is necessary to maintain your own positive self-image. One of the most commonly used types of such protection is rationalization according to the “green grapes” type. This name originates from Aesop's fable about the fox, which could not reach the bunch of grapes and therefore decided that the berries were not yet ripe.
- Jet formation.
Reaction formation becomes a psychological defense mechanism when a person demonstrates actions that are opposite to his true experiences. In the case of this defensive reaction, a person unconsciously transforms one mental state into another (for example, hatred into love, and vice versa).
Such a fact is of great importance in assessing the personality of a person, because it indicates that a person's real actions can only be the result of a veiled distortion of his true desires.
For example, excessive anger in other cases is only an unconscious attempt to disguise interest and good nature, while ostentatious hatred is the result of love that frightened a person who unconsciously decided to hide it behind an attempt to openly splash out negativity.
- Regression.
In regression, a person returns to earlier forms of behavior. Regression allows you to adapt to a traumatic situation due to an unconscious return to the forms of behavior familiar from childhood: crying, whims, emotional requests, etc. We have learned at an unconscious level that such forms of behavior guarantee support and safety.
This type of protection is especially often manifested in a situation of illness, when an adult begins to behave like a child. Regression makes it possible to throw off the burden of responsibility for what is happening: after all, in childhood, parents were responsible for a lot.
Abuse of regression leads to the lack of a successful life strategy, difficulties in relationships with other people and the emergence of psychosomatic diseases.
- Sublimation.
Sublimation is an unconscious switching of negative psychic energy to engage in socially useful work. Sublimation is expressed in the fact that a person experiencing some kind of neurotic conflict finds a replacement for internal anxiety by switching to another activity (creativity, chopping wood, cleaning an apartment, etc.).
This mechanism is considered as the only constructive strategy of behavior in a situation of psychological discomfort.
Sublimation is a productive defense mechanism that has given the world a huge number of works of art.
- Negative
This defense mechanism allows you to ignore (deny) obvious facts, protecting the psyche from injury. This is a complete rejection of unpleasant information. Denial is often the first reaction to the pain of loss or to the presence of a dangerous illness.
When a person refuses to admit that an unpleasant event has occurred, this means that he turns on such a defense mechanism as denial.
Reality denial occurs there and then when people say or insist, "This just can't happen to me," despite obvious evidence to the contrary (as happens when a doctor tells a patient that he has a terminal illness).
Considering the mechanisms of psychological defense of a person, it is necessary to remember the following:
a person does not realize that he uses defense mechanisms;
2) defense mechanisms do not appear in isolation; a person usually uses 1-2 defense mechanisms;
3) protective mechanisms protect a person from overwhelming anxiety, tension, prevent disorganization of behavior and help maintain the integrity of the individual.
4) a person's awareness of the existence of his psychological defenses helps him to better understand and accept himself.
If you have any questions or are interested in studying your personality, the psychologists of the medical-psychological department will be happy to help you.
References:
- Melnik S.N., Personality Psychology
- SA Zelinsky Protective mechanisms of the psyche. Characteristics of the main protections
- Chumakova Elena Viktorovna "Psychological protection of the individual in the system of parent-child interaction"
- Belov V.G., Biryukova G.M., Fedorenko V.V. Psychological protection and its role in the process of formation of the human adaptive system.
- S.L. Bogomaz Psychological protection of personality: methodology, mechanisms, tools.
The material was prepared by the psychologist I. D. Chernykh,
medical and psychological department.
10 Mental Defense Mechanisms We Use Every Day - T&P
The human psyche is equipped with mechanisms that help us to instinctively protect our Self. Using them helps to make our experience less traumatic, but at the same time reduces our chances of successful interaction with reality. According to Anna Freud, the author of The Psychology of the Self and Defense Mechanisms, Sigmund Freud's daughter, each of us uses about five of these strategies every day. T&P explains why sublimation is not always associated with creativity, how projection causes us to criticize innocent people, and why auto-aggression is associated with family problems.
Denial: without acknowledging the problem
Denial is one of the simplest defense mechanisms of the psyche. This is a complete rejection of unpleasant information, which allows you to effectively fence yourself off from it. The classic example here is when you drink several glasses of wine or beer every day for a long time, but at the same time you remain confident that you can give up your habit at any time. Denial is characterized by a sharp reaction to the problem statement: if someone in this case hints to you that you have become addicted to alcohol, this person is likely to suffer from your tantrum.
Denial is often the first reaction to the pain of loss and is the first "stage of grief" according to some experts (however, in this case it is also called the "stage of distrust"). A person who unexpectedly loses his job will say: “It can’t be!” A witness to a car accident trying to help the victims may not immediately come to terms with the fact that one of them has stopped breathing. In this case, this mechanism does not protect anyone except the person who unconsciously uses it - however, in situations where a cold mind is needed, denial of danger or one's own shock can be very useful for all participants in the events.
Projection: Taking Out
Projection allows us to project our destructive or unacceptable thoughts, desires, traits, opinions, and motives onto other people. The goal is to protect yourself from yourself or delay the solution of the problem. For example, a person may think that a partner is critical of his earnings - while in fact there is nothing like that from the partner's side. If such a person overcomes his projection and becomes aware of the situation, he will see that the criticism comes from himself, and it is based, say, on the negative opinion of his parents, who insisted on his failure.
A negative consequence of the projection may be the desire to "correct" the object that allegedly serves as a carrier of unpleasant traits, or to get rid of it altogether. Moreover, such an external "carrier" sometimes has nothing to do with what is projected onto it. At the same time, the projection mechanism underlies empathy - our ability to share their feelings with others, to delve deeply into what is happening not to us, and to achieve mutual understanding with those around us.
Auto-aggression: blame yourself
Self-aggression, or turning against oneself, is a very destructive defense mechanism. It is often characteristic of children experiencing difficult moments in relations with their parents. It can be difficult for a person to admit that his parent is being dismissive or aggressive towards him, and instead he assumes that he himself is bad. Self-blame, self-humiliation, self-harm, self-destruction through drugs or alcohol, overindulgence in the dangerous aspects of extreme sports are all results of this mechanism.
Self-aggression occurs most often when our survival or well-being depends on an external object that caused its appearance. But, despite the many negative consequences of this process, from an emotional point of view, it can be better tolerated than aggression directed at the original target: a parent, guardian, or other important figure.
Sublimation: the basis of pop culture
Sublimation is one of the most widely used psychological defense mechanisms. In this case, the energy of unwanted, traumatic or negative experiences is redirected to achieve socially approved constructive goals. It is often used by people of creative professions, including famous ones. Songs about unrequited love or books about dark periods of life often become the fruits of sublimation. This is what makes them accessible to understanding - and ultimately popular.
However, sublimation can be more than just literary or "pictorial". Sadistic desires can be sublimated in the course of surgical practice, and unwanted (for example, from the point of view of religion) sexual desire - in the creation of brilliant works of architecture (as was the case of Antonio Gaudí, who led an extremely ascetic lifestyle). Sublimation can also be part of the psychotherapeutic process, when the client splashes out his internal conflicts through creativity: he creates texts, paintings, scripts and other works that allow him to bring the personality into balance.
Regression: return to childhood
The mechanism of regression allows you to adapt to a traumatic situation of conflict, anxiety or pressure by returning to behavioral practices familiar from childhood: screaming, crying, whims, emotional requests, etc. This happens because we, as a rule, we learn early that they guarantee support and security. Demonstration of defenselessness, sickness, inferiority very often brings psychological "dividends" - after all, people, like other living beings, at the neurophysiological level tend to protect the weak and small - that is, offspring, and not only their own.
Regression allows you to throw off the burden of responsibility for what is happening: after all, in childhood, instead of us, parents are responsible for a lot. This defense mechanism can be called very effective and fairly hassle-free. Difficulties arise when he works too long. The abuse of regression leads to the appearance of psychosomatic diseases, hypochondria, the lack of a successful life strategy, and the destruction of relationships with people around.
Rationalization: explanations for everything
Rationalization is the ability to carefully select suitable reasonable causes for a negative situation. The goal here is self-belief that we are not to blame, that we are good enough or significant enough and that we are not the problem. A person who was rejected for an interview may convince himself and those around him that he did not need such a job or that the company turned out to be too “boring”, while in reality he experienced the strongest regret. “I didn’t really want to” is a classic phrase for rationalization.
Passive behavior can be rationalized by caution, aggressive behavior by self-defence, and indifferent behavior by the desire to give others more independence. The main result of the work of this mechanism is the imaginary restoration of a balance between the desired and real state of affairs and the degree of self-esteem. However, rationalization often does not completely remove the negative effects of the traumatic situation, so that it continues to hurt for a long time.
Intellectualization: theoretical feelings
Intellectualization allows us to neutralize anger, grief or pain by redirecting attention to a completely foreign area. A man who has recently been abandoned by his wife can devote all his free time to studying the history of Ancient Rome - and this will allow him "not to think so much" about the loss. This psychological defense mechanism is based on the desire to abstract from feelings and intellectualize them, turning them into theoretical concepts.
The behavior of an intellectualizing person is often perceived as adult and mature, and this makes this form of defense socially attractive. It also has another plus: intellectualization allows you to reduce dependence on your own emotions and “clear” behavior from them. Nevertheless, prolonged use of this mechanism is fraught with the destruction of emotional ties with the outside world, a decrease in the ability to understand and discuss feelings with other people.
Rocket formation: fight instead of hugging
Rocket formation is a kind of behavioral magic. This defense strategy allows you to turn the negative into the positive and vice versa. We often encounter its effects, harmless and not so. Boys pull the braids of the girls they like; older people speak with condemnation about the promiscuity of youths and seek to humiliate them, when in reality, revealing clothes and provocative style attract them. Reactive formation often betrays its inadequacy of the situation and periodic “breakthroughs” of true feeling through the mask.
Homophobia, anti-Semitism and other forms of rejection of social and national groups are also sometimes the result of reactive education. In this case, with the help of a defense mechanism, one's own attraction or one's own connection with a national group, which for some reason is considered unacceptable, is neutralized. This application of a defense mechanism harms other people, but it does not eliminate the internal conflict in the person who uses it, and does not increase his level of awareness.
Substitution: transference of anger
Substitution allows you to transfer unwanted feelings (especially anger and irritation) from one object to another in order to protect yourself. The person who was yelled at by the boss may not answer him anything, but yell at his child at home in the evening. He needs to take out the anger that has arisen, however, it is dangerous to do this in communication with the boss, but the child can hardly give a worthy rebuff.
A random object can also become a replacement object. In this case, the result of this protection mechanism is, for example, rudeness in transport or rudeness at the workplace. An unfinished drawing torn in anger is also a form of substitution, however, much more harmless.
Fantasy: Brave New World
Fantasy allows you to temporarily improve your emotional state through the use of imagination. Dreaming, reading, playing computer games, and even watching porn give us the opportunity to move from a difficult situation to where we feel more comfortable. From the point of view of psychoanalysis, the emergence of fantasies is due to the desire for the fulfillment, satisfaction and fulfillment of desires that cannot yet be satisfied in the real world.
