Mindfulness techniques for anger


How to Use Mindfulness to Cope with Anger

Updated: 06-26-2021

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Anger can be healthy if the emotion is controlled and used sparingly. Mindfulness can help cool the unwanted, unhealthy anger. When is anger helpful? Healthy anger is good if you’re being treated unfairly, and need to become angry to ensure you’re treated justly and with respect. However, being out of control when you’re angry can cause tremendous harm both to yourself and to your relationships with others.

Use mindfulness to cope when the fire rises up

You arrive home and your partner hasn’t cooked any food, even after promising they would. You were working late and you begin to feel anger rising — not just in your empty stomach, but in the rest of you, too. What do you do? You know that logically, you’re far better off talking calmly about the issue and resolving the conflict. Here’s how:
  1. Become aware of the physical sensation of anger in your body.

    Notice the sensations in your stomach, chest and face. Become aware of your rapid heart and breathing rate. Observe if your fists or jaw are clenched.

  2. Breathe.

    Breathe into the physical sensations of your body. Close your eyes if you want to. You may find counting out ten breaths helpful. Imagine the breath entering your nose into your belly, and as you breathe out, imagine the breath going out of your fingers and toes, if you find this useful.

  3. Continue to stay with the sensations as best you can.

    Bring a sense of kindness and gentleness to your feelings of anger. Try to see the anger as an opportunity to understand about the feeling, how the burning rises up in your being, and how the breath may or may not have a cooling effect on the flame within you.

  4. Notice your thoughts.

    Thoughts like "it’s not fair" or "I’m not putting up with this" feed anger. Notice what effect you have by letting go of these thoughts. If you can’t let go of the thoughts, which is common, continue to watch the way your thoughts and feelings feed each other.

  5. Step back.

    Take a step back from your internal experiences. Notice that you’re the observer of your thoughts and emotions and you are not the thoughts and emotions themselves.

  6. Communicate.

    As soon as the main force of your anger has dissipated, you may need to communicate your feelings with the other person. Begin with ‘I’ statements instead of ‘you’ accusations. As you continue to communicate, stay aware and awake to your own feelings, and let go of any aggression if you can – less aggression and more honesty are more likely to lead to a harmonious and productive conversation and result.

Coping with anger is a challenging task. The idea is to keep these steps in mind, and follow them with small levels of frustration rather than outright anger. When you do, you become more adept at cooling the flames of anger.

Here are some other ways of managing your feelings of anger:

  • Be mindful of the thought patterns that feed your anger. These include:

    • Over-generalizing by using sentences like "You always ignore me" or "You never respect me." Watch out for these absolutes. Be specific instead.

    • Mind-reading by thinking you know what the other person is thinking, such as "I know you think I nag you too much." Chances are you're not trained in ESP! Try to avoid making assumptions like this.

    • Blaming others for your own anger with thoughts like "You always make me angry" or "It’s all their fault." Instead, take responsibility for your anger.

  • Practice mindful physical exercise. By exercising regularly, you build up a greater resilience to stress. This may dissipate some of your anger. By exercising mindfully, you simultaneously build up your mindfulness muscles too, leading to greater levels of awareness and less reactive, automatic-pilot behavior.

  • Connect with your senses. Listen to the sounds around you or listen mindfully to some music. Smell some of your favorite, calming scents. Have a shower or bath and connect with the sensations on your skin.

  • Question your reaction. Ask yourself questions like "Is this worth it?", "Is this important in the big picture?", and "How else can I respond in this situation?"

Use mindful attitudes to cool the flame of anger

Cultivating a mindful attitude can reduce the frequency, duration and level of anger you experience from day to day.

Mindfulness groups sometimes use the acronym RAIN as a mindful way of dealing with emotions:

  • Recognize that a strong emotion is present.

    Often, you can easily be swept up by the emotion itself, and immediately begin acting on it. Emotions can be such an integral part of who you are that you don’t give the feeling due credit. Begin with recognition of the emotion. Don't let the tidal wave wash you away before you identify it!

  • Accept that the emotion is there.

    With strong emotions, sometimes the natural reaction is to pretend the feeling isn’t really present. In this step, you accept that in this precise moment, you’re experiencing anger. You aren’t being passive and giving in to the feeling. If you don’t accept what’s here now, you can’t hope to manage the emotion in any way.

  • Investigate thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations.

    In this third step, observe what’s going on in your mind, heart, and body. What thoughts are running through your head? What feelings are you mindful of? What areas of your body feel tense, or burning, or warm, or relaxed? Where is the core of the emotion located exactly, and what effect does a sustained mindful awareness have on the physical aspect of your experience?

  • Non-identification with the passing emotion.

    Emotion has the word motion in it. Emotions are always moving, fluxing, and changing. This final step is to try to distance yourself and create a space between you and your emotion. The emotion is more likely to do what emotions do quite naturally, which is to keep moving. Anger comes and goes, but you don’t come and go — you’re always here.

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Anger Mindfulness Exercises to Help You Calm Down

Anger is perhaps the oldest and most primitive emotion. Anger is easy to recognize in others, but not always in ourselves. Anger ultimately serves a purpose: that of self-preservation. When we sense a threat to our well-being, we become angry in an effort to “get even” with the situation. This is not to say that anger is bad or wrong.

Anger is often a useful and important emotion, however, left unchecked it can get the best of us and takes us out of the present moment. Anger can ruin relationships, resulting in unnecessary suffering. At its core, anger is about conflict: conflict with others, ourselves, or situations.

To quote Zen Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh from his book Taming the Tiger Within

“When you say something unkind, when you do something in retaliation, your anger increases. You make the other person suffer, and they try hard to say or do something back to make you suffer, and get relief from their suffering. That is how conflict escalates.”

Not only does anger create conflict, but it takes us out of the present moment. We completely become the anger; it consumes us. We can use mindfulness exercises to help calm our anger and return to the present moment. If you are feeling angry, try the simple techniques below to help you stay calm.

  • Recognize – The first step in dealing with our emotion compassionately is to simply recognize that anger is present inside of us. This is quite challenging to do in times of true anger, but has the effect of lessening its impact. If we resist or try to suppress anger because we don’t like the way we feel when we are angry, then our anxiety and negative feelings about the situation tend to increase.
  • Realize – Realize that it is okay to be angry. Realize that you are a person deserving of your own love. When we let our anger get out of control we ultimately hurt ourselves. Even modern psychology is starting to realize the wisdom behind mindfulness exercises. Simply realizing that it is okay to be angry is a huge step.
  • Breathe – When in doubt, return to your breath. This is the most powerful mindfulness technique. Again, when we are angry, we tend to become the anger. The breath becomes quick, shallow, and agitated. The mind and body become disconnected. From lionsroar.com:

“‘Breathing in, I know that anger has manifested in me; breathing out, I smile towards my anger’ (Thich Nhat Hanh). This is not an act of suppression or of fighting. It is an act of recognizing. Once we recognize our anger, we embrace it with a lot of awareness, a lot of tenderness.”

When I feel anger starting to stir up inside myself, I find it helpful to count my respirations up to ten and then back down to one. For example, I inhale and think “one” and continue thinking “one” for the exhale, all the way up to ten. If anger continues to stir, then I simply recognize it: “Hello, anger. I see you.”

The first step towards recognition is a deep, mindful breath in order to reconnect the mind and body.

Conflict is an inevitable part of the human experience. When you consider the complexity of the environment that we inhabit, it’s easy to see how conflict comes about. Many of us are under significant amounts of pressure to perform. Whether it’s at home, at work, at school, in our relationships, or in other areas of our lives, we feel compelled to achieve: we’re driven to reach certain goals, sometimes by forces that lie completely outside of ourselves. The stress that results from attempting to hold ourselves to such high (often unattainable) standards, combined with the other stresses of modern life (like those associated with modern technology, work/life balance, and so on), lead us into situations that often feature significant amounts of conflict.

When we experience conflict within ourselves or with others, that conflict is often accompanied by anger. Practicing mindfulness can be incredibly challenging when we’re in an anger-driven, clouded emotional state. Indeed, anger can be quite blinding. When we speak of someone going into a “blind rage,” this does a reasonably good job of capturing just how damaging anger can be for ourselves and for our relationships. When we’re angry, it’s easy to become fixated on the anger itself: it consumes us, and begins to take us over. We lose sight of ourselves. We lose sight of the present.

With this in mind, working to understand and overcome anger is an important part of a maintaining a mindfulness practice. While experiencing conflict and anger is completely normal, allowing ourselves to become completely consumed and overrun with angry feelings is deleterious to our wellbeing. With the free mindfulness exercises offered here, you can begin your journey down the path of mindfulness. Along the way, you’ll have the opportunity to work to overcome feelings of anger, with the goal of recognizing those feelings for what they are–rather than allowing them to control you.

Find more exercises related to mindfulness based stress reduction here. 

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Anger is a complex emotion and for many people a source of shame or guilt if they decide to analyze the causes of their anger. If not by the age of 30, then by the age of 40 - everyone becomes a professional user of anger. Everyone can write a big book about the role of anger in their lives and there will be many chapters.

Be it red mist; seething irritation that boils; finally, a long-standing resentment or injustice that you have experienced or witnessed - we all experienced anger in one form or another.

Seen through the lens of awareness, anger is just an emotion that is neither good nor bad.

Only when it becomes:

  • the driving force for actions and deeds;
  • when we interact with anger, we identify with it;
  • we feed it;
  • hold on to it;
  • absorbed by him -

things can get problematic.

So how can meditation transform anger before it gets out of hand or becomes destructive?

Overcoming anger

In meditation and the application of mindfulness in the heat of the moment, we have the ability to consciously and deliberately work with anger - whenever and however it arises.

When any emotion arises, we, as a rule, first get carried away by it, do not drive it away. Then use it with speech or action. Emotions manipulate us and become detonators. However, meditation can teach us how to shift thoughtless, reactive thinking into more thoughtful, responsive, and productive thinking.

Start by first learning to recognize the beginning of anger without intervening in it - look for the detonator and provocation. Imagine a cauldron full of hot, bubbling liquid - it's there, we can see it clearly, but we can look without going inside and breaking cups against the wall. You don't need to interfere until...

Understanding emotional reactivity

Anger as an emotional reaction is provoked, but this does not necessarily mean a personal conflict. Anything - a cork, the fridge is out of milk, politics on TV, losing your sports team, being slow, or someone sneezing loudly three times - can be provocative enough to elicit a strong emotional reaction.

The ability to manage anger also includes the responsibility that our anger is part of us, no matter what situation we find ourselves in. Few of us are purposefully angry. Therefore, you do not need to hypnotize yourself: "I am calm, I am unperturbed." This is nothing more than self-deception. So they simply crowd out with one thought another, which led to anger. You need to know exactly: where and how the detonator was launched, how a trifle is trying to manipulate your big consciousness.

You cannot clear a mine by placing a piece of ice on it. You need to find and deactivate the detonator. And in the future - to make sure that this type of detonators is not applicable to you.

When we relish something that upsets us, our angry thoughts fan the fire until we reach the point. And then we project our anger outward or try to blame others, and this is where we need to understand the role that our mind plays in starting the fire.

With practice, we learn to see that anger should not flare up in a matter of seconds and lead to rash actions. In fact, once we learn to view anger as a fleeting emotion, we will realize that we can control it, and not vice versa. We also begin to see our anger with greater clarity, realizing that it can actually be a healthy emotion if channeled appropriately.

Healthy anger versus unhealthy

If we get angry easily and suddenly flare up, breathing fire on unworthy passers-by, then we are probably showing unhealthy anger that comes without awareness. On the contrary, if our anger stems from wrongdoing or injustice, and we bring reflection and awareness gained in meditation into the situation, we may properly evaluate and respond, rather than reflect. Thus, we are active and productive; it is healthy anger, properly restrained and expressed.

When anger arises, the point is to respect or despise it, to feel and be aware, not to let it burn us. He is a part of you - this is a reason for respect, he is trying to manipulate you - this is a reason to despise him. Pick one.

This is a skill that we can achieve through emotional regulation and meditation, a skill that starts with breathing through a technique called concentration.

Breathing as a barometer

Switching attention to our breathing is a convenient way to determine how calm we are or vice versa.

The breath is a reliable barometer of how we feel in body and mind at any given moment. If our breathing were an alarm, it would sound every time we felt irritated, depressed, impatient, or downright angry. Fortunately, "attention focus" is a much quieter signaling system, but conscious and easily adjustable.

When anger starts to build up, it is as if the body is filled with hot, bursting air that has nowhere to go; breathing may become more shallow and rapid. That's why we feel that the law of the nipple has worked - excess pressure has begun to rip off the valve.

Our emotional regulation begins with finding a way to release this intensity, and this release occurs through exhalation. We focus on the breath and allow the body to take a deep breath with conscious relaxation. Then another one - with even BIGGER relaxation. And if we continue to breathe out - two, three, four, even five times if necessary - the anger will disappear.

When we experience anger, we notice its onset, but we rarely notice when it has gone. By observing the exhalation, we not only relieve tension, but also intentionally notice the beginning and end of anger. Noticing the end, we conclude that it is impermanent.

It takes a certain degree of readiness of your analytics to determine that you are hurt enough that it is time to sit down and scan your anger. It also requires patience and internal brakes to control natural exhalation, especially in the midst of anger. Tweaking this inner barometer can really make a difference in how we calm down and become less reactive.

What anger does to the body

Anger can be limited to an emotional reaction. But the more anger builds up, the more it induces action in the physical world.

Once we cross the threshold of extreme anger or an angry state, the physiological responses are the same for everyone: blood pressure rises, heart rate and breathing rate increase, muscles tighten, and adrenaline levels increase, releasing the “stress hormone” cortisol into our body, the “fight” program or run" - is activated. And we haven't gotten to the cartoony stage yet, where steam comes out of the ears.

In one of the areas of the brain, a lot of nuclear activity begins in response to anger, this is the frontal lobe - the part of the brain that controls the reasoning and choice of action now. With a simultaneous increase in adrenaline levels, hasty decisions are made, and in anger, these decisions may not be the most intelligent ones.

For people who are constantly angry, the health consequences are potentially significant: the body is flooded with cortisol, the nervous system tenses, and blood pressure rises.

Analysis of scientific studies showed: - Men with high anger scores were 1.7 times more likely to develop hypertension than men with low or moderate scores - High anger scores were associated with a 90 percent increased risk of progression of coronary heart disease in persons with prehypertension; - in both men and women with a high level of long-term psychological stress, the likelihood of developing coronary heart disease is 1. 68 times higher than in people with low or moderate stress.

Research on anger and its suppression

Researchers have studied the relationship between attention span and emotional control, and it is becoming increasingly clear that meditators can better manage negative emotions without being manipulated by them.

In addition, studies show that an eight-week mindfulness-based stress reduction program resulted in "reduction of fear of emotions, suppression of anger, and expression of aggressive anger."

Another striking demonstration of meditation's effect on our emotional reactivity was the "hot sauce vindictiveness study" in which college students who were new to meditation were introduced to the practice for three weeks.

The students were then brought into the laboratory and asked to give a two-minute speech about their life goals to another person (who was an actor). The actor was deliberately unfair, harsh and provocative in criticisms that offended their vanity.

Immediately after this unfounded criticism, the participants were asked to prepare a sample of food for the actor. They were told:

loves spicy food.

Participants' ability for revenge was measured by how much hot sauce they chose to use.

This format, which uses hot sauce as an indicator of aggression, has been used in many studies to measure aggression.

Results, achievements? Participants who meditated for three weeks prior to the "provocation" were 57% less aggressive and responded better to feedback than participants who did not meditate.

The usefulness of these discoveries is obvious: the more consciously we see emotions as a temporary state, the easier we deal with them. Yes, anger will still arise, but our state of objectivity will increase. This is how we reframe anger.

Free space from anger

If you like the idea of ​​managing your anger, Now Yoga Online School has a special 10-day course called Anger Transformation.

This course teaches guided meditations using "focused attention" to train the mind to see anger and then disarm it and then dispel it. Your consciousness will turn into an elastic fan that will dispel any smoke of anger until it begins to corrode your eyes and take your breath away. In ten days you will receive knowledge that in two months will lead to an amazing result - equanimity, serenity and calmness. These are riches that are difficult to value in money.

In the second part of "14 Steps of Yoga for Anger Management" you will learn about yoga practices - asanas and pranayama - that allow you to cope with anger.

Anger and anger: is it possible to control these emotions and how to do it

Anger and anger, despite their negative characteristics, are quite normal and healthy human emotions. In some situations, they can even help: for example, when you need to decide on drastic changes, get rid of embarrassment and increased anxiety. Spanish scientists claim that anger can reduce the level of cortisol in the body, which helps to overcome stress. However, anger and anger must be kept under control or it can lead to trouble in your personal and professional life. There are several practical ways to do this:

Mindfulness Meditation

During periods of anger, it is helpful to practice mindfulness meditation. This is one type of relaxation to calm the mind and body in full contact with reality. The practice is based on "shamatha-vipassana" - an ancient Buddhist way of contemplation for the development of attention and self-awareness. Such meditation helps a person to manage emotions, thinking and attention.

To do this, it is advisable to sit comfortably and focus on your breathing. You need to try to be aware of your presence in reality at the present moment, without thinking about the past or the future. It is important to awaken thinking and make the brain work consciously in order to fully turn on your consciousness, which will help you control actions and emotions.

Deep breathing practice


Deep and even breathing is another way to calm the emotions of anger and anger. This relaxation method slows down the heart rate, stabilizes blood pressure and relaxes the body. It only takes a few minutes without the need for any special equipment. This method will help out at any time when emotions of anger and anger appear. Deep breathing effectively calms a person and helps them think more clearly.

You need to lie down or sit comfortably. Loosen tight clothing. Put your hand on your stomach. Then slowly inhale through the nose, while trying to keep the stomach relaxed. You need to hold your breath in this position for a few seconds and slowly exhale through your mouth. Repeat this exercise until control of the mind and emotions is restored.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

This is another useful practice for controlling aggressive emotions. It is based on tension and relaxation of certain muscle groups. These actions distract a person from feelings of anger, reduce anxiety and stress. Muscle relaxation improves sleep, calms thoughts and feelings.

First you need to get comfortable somewhere in a quiet, comfortable place and focus on a specific muscle group of the body. During deep breathing, you need to slowly, but with all your might, squeeze these muscles and remain in this position for about five seconds. Then you need to exhale and quickly release tension. After a fifteen second rest, you can do the same with another muscle group. Continue until complete relaxation and control of emotions.

Stress toys


In the assortment of modern stores, there are often toys and various accessories designed to help overcome stress. One of these products is an anti-stress ball. It is pleasant to the touch, it can be squeezed and unclenched first with one hand, then with the other, alternately tensing and relaxing different muscle groups. This allows you to distract from anger, frustration and helps to calm down faster. After several such exercises with the ball, the arm gets a little tired, and endorphins are released in the brain. It is a chemical used by the body to relieve stress.

Count to ten

Perhaps this is the most famous trick that our ancestors used. During the count to ten, there is a pause, allowing you to turn on the mind, think clearly and better control emotions. It calms, relieves increased anxiety and aggression. In a moment of anger, before you say or do anything, it is useful to count to ten, keeping pace with one figure per second. This simple method works well because it relies on two key elements of anger management - timing and distraction.

Walk

When a person experiences a feeling of anger, it is better for him to take moderate physical activity. The easiest way is to take a walk. Experts recommend going for a walk at the moment when an outbreak of aggression and anger is brewing. This will allow you to better cope with negative emotions.

Walking, especially outdoors, releases endorphins, natural “good” chemicals that make you feel more positive and happy. Walking distracts from aggressive thoughts and feelings. Along with walking during manifestations of anger, physical exercises such as jogging, cycling, swimming and dancing will be useful.

Humor

Humor remarkably helps to get out of difficult tense situations, reduces anger and rage. It awakens consciousness, makes you think consciously and understand the causes of aggression. In addition, humor promotes a positive attitude, which is completely contrary to anger. In this case, imagination can be used extensively. For example, if a person is very angry with someone and intends to hurt the offender, you can try to try on the situation for yourself, mentally switch roles. This will help turn on the mind and improve behavior control.

Another simple option is to watch funny videos or read jokes to boost your mood and get rid of your anger. However, when fighting aggression, humor cannot be turned into sarcasm, which can further exacerbate negative emotions.

Listening to music


Listening to a soothing and pleasant melody relieves stress, tension and distracts from feelings of anger. Music works like a relaxation technique for controlling emotions. However, music that is too loud can backfire by amplifying negative feelings. It is better to listen to calmer, slower melodies.

Soothing words

When on the verge of a breakdown due to intense anger, you can try to calm yourself with simple words or phrases, such as: "relax", "collect yourself", "calm down", "breathe deeply". For each person, the choice of words can be individual. It is important to breathe correctly and deeply with the help of the diaphragm. Repeated repetition of soothing phrases sends signals to the brain, helping it to relax the nervous system and distract from an unpleasant situation.

Forgiveness

This is a great skill that is not easy for everyone. Forgiveness is a powerful anger management tool. During a strong resentment against someone, it is very difficult to control emotions. But if you find the strength in yourself and try to forgive the offender, then you can not only better cope with your aggression, but even renew relations with the one who became its culprit.

Additional tips for overcoming the emotion of anger